Incest In Your Cup

by Mr V

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1576

A parody of a certain famous commercial. When Shining Armor comes home for the holidays, he is greeted with the delicious flavor of Folgers coffee and sexual tension.

Shining Armor comes home for Hearth's Warming after a long tour in the Badlands.
Twilight meets him when he arrives, and they bond over a mug of delicious Folger's coffee.

Then things get kinda weird.
A saucy parody of a certain famously awkward advertising spot.

Published 2012-12-23 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 00:20:02 UTC

The Best Part Of Waking Up Is

Twilight Sparkle stifled her quiet yawn behind her hoof as she lay, still quite sleepy, on the floor of her parents' luxurious Canterlot home. The preparations for Hearth's Warming had certainly taken their toll on her and the rest of the family; everyone else lay in their rooms, comfortably sleeping through the early morning snow.

But Twilight couldn't sleep – not today. Not when he would be coming home.

Suddenly, her ears perked up at the sound of a carriage clattering across the cobblestones. Her exhaustion immediately forgotten, she hurried to push aside the curtains. He was there, coming up the walk. A rush of emotion brought a grin to her face, and she practically leapt through the air as she ran to the door.

It was all she could do to keep a tear from rolling down her cheek as she threw the door wide. Shining Armor froze, caught off-guard at her sudden appearance. His expression passed from shocked to happy, and melted from happiness to some strange, awkward uncertainty. After a moment, he stepped back and gave the house a curious glance.

“I must have the wrong house,” he said lamely.

Twilight hoped her forced chuckles would cover the thundering of her heart. She rolled her eyes and pointed a hoof at her chest. “Sister …?”

They shared a laugh, and before he had realized it, Shining Armor was caught in his little sister's eager embrace.

“Ooh, I missed you so much,” she softly moaned, her nose pressed against his neck.

Her little purple body felt so light and fragile in his hooves, her skin almost hot under his touch as they stood in the icy cold of the winter morning. Yet she was every bit the grown mare – already, his little Twily had become a young lady.

Ever so reluctantly, Twilight pulled away and nervously turned toward the kitchen, leaving Shining to shut the door.

“I waited up all night for you, you know,” she said over her shoulder.

Shining followed his sister into the kitchen, shuffling his bags from his back and onto the tile as he entered. “It's a long way from the Badlands,” he answered.

He paused when he saw the pot of coffee. It was the coffee that Twilight had been brewing all night for those tired moments when her anxiety and excitement weren't quite enough to stave off the lure of sleep.

“Ah, real coffee!” he said happily as he took the warm pot in the grip of his magic.

Twilight sat upon the countertop, her hind legs dangling over the end, anxiously fidgeting as she watched him fill a fresh mug.

He had to look up slightly to meet her eyes. She had a strange expression as she gazed back, biting at her bottom lip in a way that made his heart race. He swallowed heavily as he approached her, close enough that she could feel the heat from his cup.

“It's … been a long time …” he started, forcing his eyes away, “a – a long time since I've tasted the delicious flavor of Folger's Classic Roast.” He lowered his head and breathed deeply the rich, delectable aroma of his sister – I mean, coffee.

Twilight shuddered, her spine tingling as her big brother inhaled her scent, his nose rising carelessly from his mug to her chest and up to her neck, drifting just above the surface of her skin. “It … it is the best part of waking up, after all,” she whispered.

Shining quickly backed away, his eyes clearly focused on the dark, savory coffee and definitely not on the gentle rise and fall of his sister's lavender chest. “I brought you something from far away.”

Twilight smiled, at once thankful and remorseful at the sudden interruption.

“Really?” she asked.

With a flick of his magic, he opened his bags and lifted out a small box. It was wrapped with delicate, glimmering paper and topped with an intricate, flowering bow of shiny ribbon.

Despite the care that had been put into the gift, there was a strange tug at Twilight's heart. She could barely keep the disappointment from her voice as she took it in her hooves. “Oh ….” she mumbled.

Shining Armor sipped from the mug as he watched Twilight rotate the little box this way and that. He sighed as he turned away.

“Well, I guess I messed up again,” he thought to himself.

Suddenly, he felt a little tap on his chest. He saw his sister looking at him with a gentle smile, her soft, purple hoof pressing the bow against him. It was such an odd situation that he couldn't help but laugh. “What are you doing?”

Her voice faltered. The words she wanted to say caught in her throat.

He was back after so long – her big brother. Her best friend forever. It meant so much just to be able to touch him, just to press her hoof against his strong, white chest. But now that he was here, she realized that she didn't want to let him go.

“You're my present this year.”

She smiled. He sat his coffee aside. Their eyes locked, blue and violet, staring across the tiny space that held them apart, each one paralyzed by a thousand contradictory thoughts of love and restraint and painful desire – and dripping, perverse sexual lust.

His hooves on the countertop as he hovered over her, Shining slowly pressed close, forcing her backward, her eyes still on his, her breaths short and rapid. She shivered, her delicate, lavender flesh quivering under his powerful form. His lips sat closed upon hers – not kissing – but just sitting softly against her skin as they breathed together, sitting in the sounds of their sighs and whispers.

“Twily ….”

She felt the movement of his lips as he spoke, the gentle, hot temptation of his kiss when he whispered her name, and she whimpered in spite of herself.

He wanted to pull away. He tried. His mouth moved from hers, and his body lifted. But she was quicker.

Her hooves grasped his head, and she pulled him back.

She kissed him – hard – hungrily – greedily.

The inside of his mouth was hot to the touch. She moaned a long, wavering squeak into his mouth as their tongues met for the first time – two warm, wet organs sliding upon one another in the darkness of their bodies. She felt her hips slap against him as he forcefully clutched her to his chest.

Her hind legs wrapped about his belly, and he lifted her easily from the counter, his forelegs gripping her soft, full haunches. The touch of his hoof was so hard and rough on such a delicate part of her body.

Twilight gasped as her big brother sat her down, her back on the cold tile beneath the island counter, and she whined in disappointment as he broke their kiss. But then he nuzzled at her neck, and he drew his hooves up, along the sides of her rump, sliding slowly over her hips to the edge of her belly.

“Shiny,” she whispered as he kissed and nibbled and breathed long, hot breaths against her chest. “Shiny! Oh, I want you! I want you to hold me an–and … touch me.”

She stuttered and sighed, and she crushed him against her body. She wanted him closer, every inch, every aspect – her brother – her beloved. “I want you so badly. So badly! I can feel it,” she gasped. “I can feel it in my filly parts. My – my ovaries. My f – fallopian tubes –”

“Twilight, don't ruin this for me.”

“R-right. Sorry, BBBFF.”

He growled, and it sent a quake through her body as he pressed his teeth against the flesh of her chest. “I love it when you call me that. I love you so much, little sis.” His breath hissed in a quiet sigh as he closed his lips on her fuzzy, violet skin.

Suddenly, they both froze. From the other side of the central countertop, they could hear sounds of clopping footsteps.

“Twilight? Are up already, dear?”

Their parents. Of course.

“We thought we heard coffee. Is everything alright?”

“Follow my lead,” he quickly whispered.

Shining Armor quickly released her and leapt up from behind the counter. “Surprise!”

His parents were startled for just a moment before their expressions turned to delight.

“Shiny!”

He rushed to his mother and father and caught them both in a big hug as they stammered and laughed. His mother held him in her outstretched hooves. “When did you get back?” she asked, a grin firmly in place on her lips.

“Just now,” he replied. “When I saw that Twily was the only one awake, I couldn't resist giving you both a little shock.”

Twilight peeked up from her hiding spot. “Hi, mom. Hi, dad.”

Their father just snickered and shook his head. “You two are always up to something, aren't you?”

"Maybe we are, dad." Twilight looked on as Shining turned and gave her a sly wink. “Maybe we are.”

~Fin

Author's Note

Oh, Shining Armor, you sure know how to put the "fUn" in "fUncomfortable."

Well, I hope you enjoyed that little tale, readers.
And for even more strange holiday romance, be sure to check out Buttershy Kisses, featuring Fluttershy being adorable.