If I were to write to Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sovereign to the crown of the electorate Monarchy of Equestria,
You probably aren’t acquainted with me, but I’m a human. Understandably this may be considered a shock to you that a foreign sentient species, which can walk in a bipedal manner, can somehow transcend dimensions to give you this letter. But you see that is impossible considering that humanity is not yet capable of such technology yet. So I guess a deformed, horrible fan fic would have to suffice. We as a species have been observing your behaviour and politically you are about as bad as we are.
Granted, yes, you don’t go to war over religion or oil as we do, but your methods of government are out-dated and let’s face it, almost tyrannical. I suppose it must be frustrating that many humans such as myself, believe you to be as such. Then again, it’s difficult to brand you otherwise when you sent your younger sister to the moon.
I have siblings as well, while we do dispute, I never sent any of them to a foreign celestial body for banishment. Assuming my brothers or sister would still be alive from landing there they would then suffocate. Because of course, oxygen is needed to breathe and survive. Understand that I’m not the first person to call you out on it.
Also, I must inquire what exactly were you thinking giving Blueblood a fife of land to govern? I’m assuming it would be a self absorbed, tyrannical dystopia. I’m labelling you as “bad”, yes. But of course, Blueblood is a lot worse. Seriously, he proceeds to treat Rarity as a common slave, an element of harmony might I add, who also saved the world twice.
You proceeded to not act on this politically. Although, I must also extend my deepest gratitude when you did soundly decimated him in letter form. That was exquisite work from you. However I also acknowledge that you seem to do very little for your “empire” assuming it is one. When there is immediate peril, you immediately call upon your protégé, Twilight Sparkle.
For example, you obviously had a “sibling rivalry” with Luna. To the extent of total war, that could so easily been avoided. Instead of owing up to your responsibilities you call upon the members of the elements of harmony as your meat shield. Granted, I wouldn’t fight Nightmare Moon either, but I can live in the knowledge that I never have to. But you did to, and you didn’t. Nightmare moon was your fault, and well, you could have handled it better.
Things worsened when you came across Discord, which obviously the two of you had sexual tension amongst yourselves. While true, he did attempt to bring about perpetual chaos and again, You did nothing, and let your protégé work with the entirety of your nation on her soldiers.
I must reiterate, I do not consider you a bad pony, I merely think of you as a detestable leader and I could do better, drunk. Granted the closest thing to politics is playing “Empire: total war”, but my valid point stands that you had no excuse for your bad leadership. And that’s just it. You could have done a lot better. There was also an incident in Ponyville, concerning the great and powerful Trixie.
She usurped Ponyville from under your nose and you again, did nothing. She secluded the town in a glass dome and therefore damaging the infrastructure of your lands around that area, again please note this, you did nothing. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed that Applejack apprehended the entirety of her family and practically forced them all into labour. It’s a miracle that she didn’t recognize that she could have such political power with her family, she would have become an autocrat tomorrow and overthrow you. There was a very distinct and frightening possibility that it could have so easily happened right in front of you.
I’m sorry, I really am. But somebody (not “somepony”) needed to call you out on it, so I did. While it can be argued that it could have been a lot worse, I would hope and pray it becomes a Republic. Because quite honestly, Twilight would be a better political representation of your country than you are.
You’re not a bad pony, you’re just terrible at your job. That’s all I have to say on the matter. But I implore you to imprison Blueblood on the moon the first chance you get. I honsetly would, but if he overthrows you, I would not hesitate to encourage a revolution on him. I also don't get the "Somepony" thing, rather limiting to just one species isn't it?
I bet you Blueblood right now, would be stockpiling your economy to construct a large golden statue of himself, not that you would notice. Feel free to respond however you deem necessary, but still banish Blueblood, give Luna a decent national holiday, resolve things with Discord, also Tell Sombria he's the worst antagonist in the history of all fiction. I could be a better antagonist, seriously I would be. You didn't seem to be a decent ally to the Crystal Empire there to be honest, that'll be my final word.
Yours Sincerely
Matt “The Phoenix” Bridges
Not a Diplomat representing the union of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Nor am I representing the brony Empire, although they may agree with me.
P.S. A great doctor once said, "I like Banana's, Banana's are good." Also I like to retort, literary anything you say before sending me to the moon.
A/N Please be somewhat easy on me. It's my first Fanfiction. I'm nervous as well, so yeah. Hope you enjoyed this oneshot. Just thought it would be a good enough start to try this one.
