At the Orchard of Madness

by NeuPferdfurt

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 11211

A stranger is coming to town with the wish to excave dark secrets burried under Applejack's Orchard

-A creature from the outer kingdoms has found his way into Equestria. The stranger seems to have a peculiar obsession with Sweet Apple Acres. Confronted by the mane six, he reveals his suspicion that the orchard might hide monuments of an ancient civilization, and expresses his wish to uncover its secrets.
-Psychic Narwhals, Nerubians, Diamond Dogs, Ponies, Alicorns, Griffins and other unspeakable things loom ahead.
-Also: Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cuckoolhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Published 2012-01-20 16:18:54 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-11 22:48:21 UTC

Secrets of Sweet Apple Ackers

“That’s right! You better run, you measly mutts! And don’t you dare come back!”

Rainbow Dash was dizzy with utter triumph as she watched the diamond dogs run until they were out of sight.

"Who kicks da mutt- in da butt?! It's Rainbow! It's Dash! It's Rainbow! It's Dash!"

Applejack laughed.

“Easy there, flyergirl. We couldn’t have done it without you. But if you want to be especially neighbourly today, you should help me clean things up around here...”

The pegasus wasn’t even listening to her. She was thundering through the air, performing a little airshow in honour of... well, the one and only Rainbow Dash. Applejack sighted and started inspecting the damage the attackers had caused.

This was highly unusual. Diamond dogs didn’t normally come this close to Ponyville. And besides, all the Apple family had were - pause for dramatic effect - apples. Since when did diamond dogs care about apples? For that matter, since when did diamond dogs care about anything other than gems? And Applejack was sure as sugar there were no gems around these parts, she had spent a considerable portion of her young life with her snout down in the dirt of this land. And yet, the dogs had been wrecking havoc on her property. It just didn’t make any sense. Not that the actions of diamond dogs were known to make a lot of sense... But at least they usually had some sort of germ-related motive.

Applejack considered sending Rainbow Dash over to Twilight Sparkle to tell her about the attack, but obviously the victorious pegasus was too busy celebrating her own awesomeness to do anything useful right now. So she sent Apple Bloom instead.

-

“Diamond dogs this close to a pony settlement?”

Twilight was shaking her head.

“Not to be overly curious, but are you sure you didn’t do anything... unusual recently?”

Applejack was raising an eyebrow.

“Unusual? Me? I’m far too busy doing usual stuff all day.”

Twilight assisted Big Macintosh and Applejack with her magic, using levitation spells to clear debris.

“Well, they are gone now, and perhaps they really won’t bother coming back...”

Applejack stopped what she was doing to look at the unicorn pony.

“...But you don’t think so.”

“Diamond dogs don’t give up that easily. They also don’t learn from their mistakes until they have repeated them at least a few times." She was inspecting a dog-shaped hole in the barn, where Rainbow Dash had shown one of the dogs a short-cut out of the structure. "So my guess is that they’ll be back.”

Applejack nodded. That made sense.

“So I reckon we’ll have to look out for them from now on. BigMac, Rainbow and I can take shifts.”

Twilight agreed, and offered to assist them as well.

“Our top priority should be to confront them and ask them about their motives, or catch one of them if they are uncooperative. Then we can find out what they want.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

-“I say, excuse me, gentle ponies!”

The two fillies turned around. The voice belonged to a strange figure in a cloak and a large hat, the stranger’s features concealed in the shadows.

Applejack frowned.

“You again. Is this what I think it is? ‘Cause the answer is still no. Also, now is not a good time to be talking business.”

“Who is that?”, Twilight asked, lowering her voice.

Before the workhorse could reply, the stranger dashed towards them with surprising speed, coming to a halt only inches away from their snouts, the sleeves of his oversized coat dangling.

“Oh, but consider! It appears to me that now would be the most excellent time to discuss a little transaction. Why, with all these diamond dog raids, surely you can see that this land is no longer holding any future for agriculture! My offer still stands. I believe it is quite reasonable, especially given the circumstances.”

“Your offer is preposterous! Besides, we are NOT selling this land, no matter how much you’d pay us. It belongs to mah family, and one day it will belong to our lil'ones and their lil'ones and so forth.”

Applejack’s eyes had turned into narrow slits.

“I reckon I find it mighty suspicious that you should know about our recent diamond dog predicament. I reckon I find it mighty suspicious you’re showing up right after they’ve run off.”

The stranger was clearly caught off guard. He began uttering unintelligible noises and waving the sleeves of his coat. Twilight was reminded of a pathetic squid spraying ink into the face of a predator to distract it.

“Uiuiuiuiuiuiuiuiuiii... Wriblwizwirbl... Nowisienowie... No matter! Where were we? Ah yes! We were discussing the details of you selling these worthless, diamond-dog infested acres to me...”

The two young mares’ eyes met, and they nodded. Applejack could hardly conceal a mischievous grin.

“Of course. Oh, but where are my manners? I reckon you must take me for some kind of hillbilly. Why don’t you come inside, maybe we can discuss these matters over a glass of home-made cider."

Now I may be honesty incarnated, Applejack thought, but that just now was a very little 'maybe'.

"You don’t mind mah good friend Twilight here helping me out with this? In case there’ll be big fancy legal terms and such. ”

“Oh, but of course not, my little pony! But I promise to speak in words simple enough for you to understand.”

The fillies’ smiles grew a little larger. ‘My little pony’. Oooh, they would not go easy on this one!

-

Before he knew it, the mysterious stranger was strapped to a chair in Applejack’s cellar.

“I say, this is highly unusual!”

“Oh, I agree with you”, Applejack said, “I am a little confused mahself. Why don’t you help us shed some light into this situation?”

Twilight turned the lamp so its light flooded directly into the stranger’s face. The creature hissed and retracted deeper into his cloak.

“First of all, who the hay are you? Why do you want to cheat me out of mah land? And why this silly disguise?”

Applejack bit into the stranger’s hat and pulled it away.

The two ponies gasped.

“Suck mah apples and call me a horse...!”

The creature had eight eyes, and mandibles for a face.

Still staring at the creature, Applejack said:

“Twilight, would you go fetch me a broom? I need to flatten a spider.”

“Maybe we should try getting a few answers out of him first? Because afterwards it might be more difficult.”

“What answers? He’s a giant talking spider. That’s all Ah need to know.”

“I am NOT a spider! I am a proud nerubian, thank you very much, and I protest against this barbaric treatment!”

“Oh boy, you’ve seen nothing yet... Alright, then. Take two. So you decided to send diamond dogs to bully me into selling the Apple farm. Why is that? What do you want?”

“I said it before, I’ll say it again! I need to acquire this land.”

“Is that so... Are the likes of you that fond of apples?”

“Maybe we are. They are rich in vitamins, after all.”

Twilight was levitating the broom.

“Alright, alright! It is not the apples per se, you see... It is what they’re growing on.”

“You're after dirt? Let's try that again.”

The arachnid was wriggling in his chair. He was clearly torn between his fear of brooms and the desire to keep his secret.

“You see... I was sent by the university of my home country to identify sites of archaeological interest in these parts.”

“Archaeowhatnow?”

Applejack actually had to turn to Twilight for this one.

“He says he is some sort of scientist. He is looking for ancient ruins and artifacts.”

“Scientist mah big fat...!”

“Eee-Ah!”

“Gesundheit, sugar cube. Anyways, you know what I think, pincerhead? I think that foreign country of yours is planning an invasion, a spider invasion on top of that, and you want my farm for a bridge-head! Well, you can forget that! I’ve a mind to use the broom on you after all...”

“Please, have mercy! I am coming in peace! You don’t understand how important this site is to my people!”

“And you don’t understand how important it is to me to keep ‘your people’ out of it! (It's a farm-pony thing.) It’s broom time, Twilight! Twilight...?”

The unicorn pony seemed to be pondering about the things their prisoner had said.

“You know, Applejack... Perhaps he is telling the truth.”

“So what? He is still a creepy foreign spider who wants to steal mah land.”

“I protest! I always intended to pay you! Somewhat...”

“Look, I'm not sure we can trust him either", Twilight said, "But as this town’s librarian and a student of Canterlot, I think we should give him a chance. If there really are ancient relics to be found, discovering them might benefit our understanding of history as well. I’m sure we can compromise.”

“Now hold on just a gosh-darned second...!”

“I am not talking about selling your land, Applejack! I hope that much is clear. Besides, Equestrian law strictly prohibits signing territory over to non-ponies. I was rather thinking in terms of a limited search, under our supervision. I’d take full responsibility.”

Applejack was shaking her head.

“I don’t like this one bit. But if it’s that important to you, sugar cube... I guess we can figure something out.”

Applejack was bringing her face closer to the restrained nerubian.

“I’ll have my eye on you, spider boy.”

The eight eyes of the spider creature were staring back at her, without blinking. She shivered.

I  reckon I might be outnumbered in that department...

-

The mane six had gathered on a hill just outside Sweet Apple Acres where the Nerubian archaeologist and his diamond dogs stooges had deployed their camp.

He started explaining to them how his studies had lead him to conclude that the area around Ponyville, and especially Sweet Apple Ackers, were concealing the remains of an ancient civilization.

Applejack didn't like this change in perspective.

“Mah Granny Smith and her folks were the ones who founded Ponyville. They say this place was nothing but wilderness.”

The big arachnid sighed.

“That certainly was what it looked like to them at the time. After all, the place had been deserted for millenia, long before your ancestors even arrived here. But the fact of the matter is, prior to that period this general area was densely populated for at least a million years without interruption. The stranger things- the ones you call ‘alicorns’ - must be aware of that. They might even have contributed in covering up the evidence.”

Twilight frowned.

“Before I even get into asking why you’d assume the alicorns would cover up the existence of an entire civilization- what makes you think it was even there in the first place?”

“Excellent question. You see, I have been studying historical records from the native species of this region. Many of these peoples have degenerated into isolated tribes of hunter-gatherers, and the remnants of their science and history have become myths as they were passed on from generation to generation. Still, my studies allowed me to deduce that the last people to inhabit this region in great numbers were the very ancestors of my loyal crew...”

He gestured towards the diamond dogs, who were busy scratching themselves or licking their necklaces.

“...They may not look like it, but their ancestors had developed very sophisticated spells allowing them to control the weather, a task I understand is now performed by one of the breeds of your species. But something went terribly wrong. There was a great calamity. As a consequence, the magical metropolis they had inherited from thousands of generations of sophonts before them was destroyed in a matter of days. Very few of the inhabitants survived, and those who did soon started to split up into clans fighting over the remains of their former wealth. The village of my friends here is situated in what used to be an upperclass neighbourhood, which is why the area is so rich in the gems they are so eager to dig out. However, the great city also covered ‘Ponyville’, and it is here were I hope to make the most important find of my career...”

“And that would be...?”

The nerubian was stretching out several of his hairy legs to point at something behind the ponies. It was supposed to be a dramatic gesture, but overall it looked rather silly.

“Behold! The PYRAMID OF THE SUN!”

The fillies stared into the direction he was pointing his limbs.

“My word, you don’t seem as impressed as you most certainly should be.”

“That’s ‘caus we don’t see anything.” Applejack snorted.

“Right in front of you, mare! The very elevation you are looking at!”

“What, old Billyhill? What’s so special about him?”

"I've once brought a very special young colt up there to watch shooting stars", Pinkie Pie said, "But then he was gone and there was only a smoking rock where he had been... I lose more colts that way."

The nerubian was losing what little patience he had.

“Can’t you decipher its peculiar shape for what it is? It is a pyramid, if I've ever seen one!”

Twilight examined the hill carefully. It was hard to believe this thing was really an ancient, overgrown structure. Though now that the archaeologist had mentioned it... From this distance and angle, the elevation looked awfully geometrical. It was also considerably larger than the other hills on the farm.

“I’d like to send my crew out right away to start with the excavation! First we’ll have to remove these trees, of course...”

He saw Applejack’s expression and the steam she blew out of her nostrils. He curled up into a whining little ball.

“Yeeeah. I don’t think this will be necessary”, Twilight intervened, “I am sure we can find a spot without trees just large enough so we can dig a tunnel and find out if the hill actually holds what you think it does.”

“Let me be very specific about this”, Applejack said, “If you or your dogs damage even one tiny root of one of mah babies, you will have to answer to me...”

Rainbow landed near the spot where Fluttershy was tending to the injured diamond dog's wounds.

“... And I am going to lend her a hoof. You remember me, right?”

She was displaying a predatory grin.

The dogs whined and backed away as traumatic scenes flashed before their inner eyes.

“That’s what I thought.”

Twilight thought it was time to discuss another important matter.

“The Apple family will need compensation, of course. You were planning on buying the land, right? Why don’t you buy a digging permit instead? Limited in time and area, of course, just like I proposed. Furthermore, we need you to pay reparations for the damage caused by your men during the earlier attack. Also, by Rainbow Dash as she was fighting them.”

The nerubian wasn’t very happy about this, having only a limited budget at his disposal, but he realized he needed to win the ponies over to his project.

“Oh, alright then. How about two rolls of web for the permit? Plus two as reparation?”

Twilight frowned and turned to Applejack.

“He wants to pay in spider webs?”

“That’s what he was saying from the beginning. Told yah’ it was a lousy deal.”

The nerubian ordered two diamond dogs to present the webs to the ponies.

Rarity had been hiding behind the others to bring as much distance between her and the arachnid as possible. Now she literally threw her friends and the dogs out of the way, her horn glowing, her eyes glittering with greed.

“FIRST QUALITY SPIDER SILK! SHE ACCEPTS!”

“Rarity, I think Applejack should decide that herself...”

“SHE ACCEPTS!”

The white unicorn was hugging a silk roll, babbling sweet nonsense, and the work horse shrugged.

“It’s a deal, Ah guess...”

The entry

Spike arrived when they had just started preparing the excavation site.

“Here are the books you wanted, Twilight. Also, hay sandwiches. Something tells me you might have skipped lunch again.”

The unicorn pony’s treacherous stomach growled as if to confirm Spike’s suspicion.

“Thank you, Spike. What would I do without you?”

“Starve. That’s my guess. Uh?!”

The nerubian archeologist had spotted the little dragon, and was now bowing before him in a ridiculous gesture of reverence.

“Well, well, well. Now that’s the sort of appreciation I appreciate.”

“Oh hail thee, scaly one! What a great honour to be in the presence of a representative of a nation as ancient and noble as yours!”

Twilight couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.

“Ancient and noble? Are you sure you got the right library assistant?”

“Assistant? You have degraded this splendid creature to the rank of assistant? A creature who’s ancestors have ruled this continent for countless glorious millenia?”

Spike chuckled.

“Yeah, Twilight. What gives?”

Twilight decided to shift the subject to more constructive grounds.

“You know a lot about ancient history, don’t you? I’m sad to say that the works I have studied were usually quite sparse in regard to the fates of non-ponies.”

“Hmpf! Silly pamphlets of equine propaganda, I presume.”

That stung. Twilight had practically grown up in Canterlot’s libraries. These books were like family to her.

“You know, there is no need to be rude.”

Applejack was bucking apples nearby. Officially, she was working harvest and left the supervision of the foreign excavation to the librarian. But the work horse was still very uncomfortable with the situation, and preferred to stay close to the action.

Her eyes and those of the nerubian met.

The arachnid shivered and seemed to remember that the fate of his whole expedition lay in the hooves of his equine hosts.

“I implore your forgiveness, Miss Sparkle. The fact remains that you are a very young race in a very old land. The ruins I hope to uncover might predate even my own ancestors. Countless nations have settled in the shadow of this pyramid before it fell into oblivion.”

“Tell me more about this pyramid. Who build it? What was its purpose? And why is your people so interested in it?”

The archaeologist was clicking his mandibles.

“Part of the reason I am here is to find answers to these very questions, Miss Sparkle. My country has sent out expeditions into every corner of this continent. During the last decades, there has been a rising interest regarding the rise and fall of ancient empires, and the parallels with modern developments.”

“Modern developments such as what?”

“Why, the creation of ‘Equestria’, for instance.”

“That was thousands of years ago.”

“Modern developments. I’m afraid you still fail to realize what time scales we are working with.”

Twilight fell silent. She still wasn’t sure she liked this strange foreigner, but there seemed to be much she could learn from him. If nothing else, she had found new questions to ask.

“Boss! Boss! You might want to take a look at this!”

A dog hurried towards their position, a piece of rock in his claws. He proudly presented it to the nerubian. The archaeologist thanked him by beating him with a stick.

“Foolish mammal! Don’t just displace items like this! Oh well, let us have a look...”

The arthropod’s limbs shivered in anticipation as they were gliding over the surface of the rock. Then they found what had gotten the dogs so excited: a set of complex runes.

“Heureka! I knew it! I knew it was here!”

Twilight Sparkle leaned forward.

“Can I see? Do you really think this is evidence for your pyramid?”

Applejack appeared and asked what the ruckus was all about. When Twilight showed her the rock, the work horse merely snorted.

“That thing is what got our oversized spider so excited? It’s just a rock.”

“Just a rock?! It is clearly an indicator of the countless treasures hidden under your land!”, the arachnid protested.

“If you say so. But the only treasure we care about is the land itself. Why, we have been using funny stones like this one to build our wells ever since we got here.”

Twilight was shaking her head in disbelief.

“You have been stumbling on things like these for years, and you didn’t tell anypony about it?”

“Look, how was I supposed to know someone would go crazy over a piece of rock just because there are funny signs scribbled on it?”

“Grrgl! FUNNY SIGNS?! You ignorant donkey...!!”

The nerubian was moving his front limbs in wild gestures of anger and frustration.

A second later, he was flying through the air until he hit a tree. It wasn’t Applejack who had delivered the blow, though, despite the fact that she had already moved her legs into position. It was Rainbow Dash, who had been observing the situation from above, like a hawk.

“WHAT did you just call her?”

The arachnid was raising his legs to protect his face from what he thought to be another imminent attack.

“Please, settle down!”, Twilight pleaded.

“First this creep has to apologize to Applejack!”

“S-sorry...”

“I can't hear you!”

“Sorry!”

“I said...”

-”Rainbow Dash, that’s enough! We’re all a little tense, but no one got hurt, so...”

Twilight gulped. She turned around to see if the archaeologist was alright. He seemed to be doing fine, but still, she was shocked by her own lack of empathy. ‘No one got hurt?’ Why had she said that? Because a giant spider didn’t count? Because she had felt insulted as well when he had insulted another equine?

The nerubian seemed only hurt in his pride, though. He sniffed and crawled away.

"No matter! Soon, this site will recieve the academic recognition it so truly deserves!"

Applejack frowned.

"You better watch out for this one, Twilight. I sure as hay don't like his attitude. If the likes of him are interested in these rocks, perhaps they are better left underground."

"Thanks, Applejack. I think I know what I'm doing."

Applejack's expression softened.

"Sorry, sugar cube. I reckon I'm not being very likeable today. It ain't easy for me to watch creeps like these digging through my land. But I will trust your judgment on this, even if it turns out to be a mistake. I love mah land, but I love you too, sugar cube. Don't you ever forget that."

"Pff! This is getting too cutesie for me. I'll go check on the creeps", Rainbow Dash said.

"Gotta make sure all these pesky traumas are still in place."

-

Twilight was looking over the arachnid's... well, let's call it a 'shoulder'. He was currently studying the runes unearthed so far by his assistants.

"Have you managed to translate the signs yet?"

Without turning around, he said:

"As a matter of fact, I have. They are fairly recent, carved by the last generation of diamond dogs to inhabit this area."

"So... what do they read?"

The spider made a snorting sound.

"Let's see... 'Students are half-price, children go free. Authors of fan-fiction pay double'."

Twilight's confusion seemed to amuse him.

"You see, it's a fragment of a chart detailing entry fees. Like many monuments they had inherited from earlier cultures, the pyramid was a tourist attraction in the days of the ancient diamond dogs. I am very pleased with this location, it would seem we are very close to one of the entries of the pyramid, just as I had expected."

And really, soon the dogs proudly declared they had made another find. It was a large, vertical plate of white stone that looked like marble. It was surrounded by smaller stones made from polished granite.

"Excellent!", the nerubian exclaimed, "This must be the entry now! It would seem they have sealed it to protect the pyramid from the calamity which had befallen the city. There! The runes read: 'Pyramid of the Sun currently closed due to impending doom. Thanks for your understanding'. Very well then. I believe we will need the advanced equipment for the next part."

The diamond dogs put on their helmets and started breaking the seal with what appeared to be jackhammers, the nerubian hitting them with dead branches whenever he thought they were coming too close to the surrounding substance of the pyramid.

"I have never seen diamond dogs using tools like these!", Twilight yelled over the dim of the hammers.

"These are ancient, gem-powered dog artefacts! My knowledge concerning these tools was the very reason this tribe agreed to assist me in the first place."

"Great. Now we have diamond dogs with power tools. I'm overcome with joy."

And then, with a final crack, the seal was broken, and the expedition was staring into a place of darkness and silence which had not been disturbed for millenia.

Going Pinkie Screen

“Shouldn’t we get torches or something?”, Twilight asked as they were walking into the tunnel, “I can light the way with my magic if you want, but you will certainly agree that this is not an ideal solution.”

Not to mention I wasn’t planning on being reduced to a living searchlight, she thought. The objectification of unicorns was a sensitive issue.

“I don’t think this shall be necessary, Miss Sparkle.

You, there! Yes, you. Put your paw on this sign over there.”

The young diamond dog did as he was told. Suddenly, runes all over the tunnel came to life, shedding light on the way ahead.

“Ooooh! I never even knew I was magical!”, the dog said.

“I’m afraid you are not magical per se. Your ancestors merely created luminox runes sensitive to the DNA of your species.”

“Uh?”

“Your old ones draw funny pictures on pyramid that go shiny-shiny when dogs touchy-touchy.”

“I see...”

“You do, don’t you? … Alright, let’s get going.”

Rainbow Dash was sticking her head into the tunnel entry, her eyes wide open. The pegasus  was obviously curious, but not quite sure what to make of this underground dungeon opening up in front of her. She was shifting her weight from one leg to the other, wondering whether she should come inside or not.

Twilight smiled and had difficulty to repress a little moan of adoration. Rainbow could be so cute sometimes.

“You want to come as well? I’m sure we could use a pony with good eyes and sharp reflexes. If you’re not too scared, that is.”

That last part was a bit much. Now she had practically blackmailed the pegasus into joining them. A second later the unicorn realized why she had done that: As much as she was thrilled to explore a place like this one, she still didn’t feel comfortable being the only pony in the expedition.

“Scared? Me? Of a funky old apple cellar? Is that helmet of yours too tight?”

Twilight snickered.

“I don’t think so, but that reminds me: You should get one too. I’m sure the diamond dogs have a spare.”

-“While that may be the case, darling, I have to say I’m glad we brought our own. These brutes simply have no sense of fashion.”

Rarity had appeared in the tunnel entry... and was that Fluttershy following right behind her?

“Hello Rarity! Fluttershy! So you want to come too?”

“Sweet Fluttershy and I have talked about this, dear, and we have come to the conclusion that accompanying you is more important than anything else we could possibly achieve today. Besides, with this new spider silk, I will be able to create things so valuable I can afford to take a day off.”

Rarity had taken a loan from the bank to buy the web rolls from Applejack. The work horse had been surprised at the sum Rarity was willing to give her for the bunch, and had even voiced concern, hating to see one of her friends in debt. Rarity had assured her that she would be able to pay back the loan in no time at all, now that she had acquired this new raw material. Seeing that Applejack was still worried, Rarity had explained to her that while her offer was generous, she was still paying considerably less than if she’d have the spider silk imported, with all the transport costs and traders in between. This had been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

In short, everyone was winning. But still, Applejack was nervous, even though the work horse tried hard not to show it. As a matter of fact, it was a feeling they all shared: like the shadow of a shadow looming on the horizon. And the feeling was getting stronger now that the pyramid’s seal was broken.

That might be our ‘guardians of harmony’-senses kicking in, Twilight thought, By Celestia, I certainly hope that is not the case.

That’s when Applejack herself walked into the tunnel.

“I reckon I’ll have to take a day off from harvest as well. I’d be one lousy apple farmer if I didn’t even bother to chart the premises.”

The nerubian wasn’t all that thrilled about this development.

“My word, it’s getting awfully crowded in here.”

“You wanna displace me from mah own turf?”, Applejack suggested in her sweetest voice.

The spider shivered.

“Of course not, Miss Apple!”

“Yeah, ‘of course not’ is right, spiderboy.”

“Still”, the archaeologist said, “I need you to understand that we need to be extremely careful and coordinate our movements. This is not a school trip. We are a party of explorers advancing into unknown territory.”

-“Did someone say PARTY?!”

The voice made them all jump. Something heavy and sticky had materialized on the nerubian’s abdomen.

“Aaaaaaah! Get it off me! Get it off me!!”

The pink attacker held on to the panicked arachnid, giggling like a foal from the underworld.

“Weeee! This is fun!”

“Oh hi there, Pinkie Pie”, Applejack said, “Glad you could make it.”

I had the feeling we were one pony short of a petting zoo, Twilight thought. I think we have finally reached the right pony/dog/spider ratio.

-

When Pinkie finally let go of the archaeologist, the expedition travelled to the other end of the tunnel until they reached a chamber of black stone. Again, Twilight was amazed how polished every surface looked. In fact, it seemed some areas were even covered with something that had the translucence and fineness of clear film while appearing to be as hard as diamond.

"It is just as I expected! This must be the first of the record chambers."

The archaeologist was scurrying over the floor in disturbing patterns. It took Twilight a second to realize this was an expression of overflowing joy.

"Oh, but where is the trigger? Goodness, where is the trigger?"

Now he was actually running on the walls and on the ceiling as well. The ponies - except for Pinkie Pie, who was bouncing all over the place, cheering the nerubian on - didn't know whether they should be amused or nauseated.

The diamond dogs were scratching their heads or sitting down on their backpacks.

One of them leaned against a wall. Instantly, the area around his paw erupted into bright, alien shades of green. He whined and backed away. But his master was already upon him.

"Do it again, you fool! Touch the wall!"

The dog gulped and stretched out a finger, carefully approaching the black surface as if it was going to bite him. The green lights came back and turned into runes.

"As the last keepers of the pyramid, the ancient diamond dogs must have put a safety on these archives. Let's see now...

It's some sort of code... 'The children of Casst'or, in this order: Hissan, Letti, Alf, Fiona, Ssimon'. Oh, where have I read this before... It must reference some sort of myth..."

"Sir, may I speak?"

The nerubian turned around. One of the diamond dogs had stepped forward.

"You see, we know this story. It is from an old nursery rhyme."

The other dogs nodded. They all had listened to this song as little puppies.

The nerubian was waving his front legs, impatient.

"Is that so? Well, what does it say about access codes?"

"Hehe, nothing, Sir. But it says from the children of Casst'or, Alf travelled to the North, Fiona travelled to the South, Letti to the West and Ssimon to the East. Hissan, the youngest, had to stay at home, but later he would become king. Every diamond dog knows that."

They looked at the runes again. Beneath the signs, there were five points of light, just the right size for a dog to put his finger tip on. They were arranged like a compass dial.

Without saying another word, the dog started touching the points: Centre, Left, Up, Down, Right.

But instead of unlocking ancient secrets, the runes just turned red, as if they were angry. Then they slowly faded back to green. The dogs whined, fearful of having offended their ancestors.

The dog who had typed in the code jammed his tail between his legs. His face was probably red with shame, though it was difficult to tell because of his fur.

But the archaeologist was surprisingly patient this time. He wasn't ready to abandon the tiny straw they had found to hold on to.

"Perhaps you were right about the code, but wrong about the application. Nowadays we alwas assume 'North' was up and 'South' was down, but in ancient cartography, the system was sometimes reversed... Try it again!"

("Sometimes people say I was perversed", Pinkie whispered, "You think that might be important?"

"Hold that thought", Twilight said absentmindedly.)

And really, this time, the walls of the chambre were displaying a wild firework of runes. The ponies in the centre of the room as well as the dogs were closing ranks, observing the spectacle with shock and awe.

-

After a few moments, the "firework" faded away. Now an image started to form on the wall opposite to the tunnel through which they had entered the chambre. The lines were traced in the same verdant color as the access runes.

It was the skyline of a city, even bigger and more astonishing than Canterlot. It was unlike any city Twilight had seen so far. The thing it resembled the most was an illustration in a book about remote locations, accompanying an essay about a coastal tribe of ponies living near a strange reef of what appeared to be metal towers.

A red circle appeared around one of the structures. The building was located at the outskirts of the town, in the middle of a park. The park alone appeared almost as big as Ponyville. The highlighted structure was a pyramid- the very pyramid they were standing in right now.

Then new runes blossomed all around the picture of the city.

"This is how it used to be, isn't it?", Twilight asked, mesmerized, "Before the cataclysm?"

The archeologist wasn't even listening to her. He was still standing at the same spot where the dog had typed in the access code. There was a big green dot now, with three runes on top of it.

"This is quite peculiar... It says 'Voice sample?'. What could it mean?"

He pressed the dot.

Fluttershy shrieked as the floor started vibrating beneath her. She tumbled down on her back, and watched in horror as a post was rising from the little hole which had opened up between the tiles. It made a clicking sound, and then something like a silvery salad bowl appeared on top.

Before anyone could say a thing, Rainbow tackled the pole and tried to pull it out.

"You think you can harass my friends? Take this! And that!"

The post however proved very bendy and tough. It made a suspicious sound, and before Rainbow could even say "Oups", she was catapulted against one of the walls.

"...oups."

The runes around the dot the nerubian had pressed turned yellow.

"Now it says 'Sample insufficent'... Could it be...?"

He turned around.

"You!"

Fluttershy twiched.

"Yes, you! Say something! Talk into the reciever! Quickly now!"

Under the spell of the authorative tone, the yellow pegasus got up, carefully sticking her snout into the 'salad bowl'. She was sniffing, fighting with the tears. All of this was so very confusing!

"...H-hello...", she whispered, "My name is ... (Fluttershy)..."

The nerubian inspected the rune display.

"It says 'louder'."

"...Oh my... Uhm... I am... F-fluttershy..."

"Oh, for crying out loud!"

The archaeologist shoved Fluttershy aside and put his own head into the bowl.

"I... Oh my, let's see... Greetings, ancient ones, we... Well, I, us, you see..."

He realized the runes were not satisfied with his efforts. Why did he have to be so nerveous all of a sudden?

-"Uh! Now me! Now ME!!"

Pinkie Pie dislocated the nerubian with a lusty swing of her flank.

"Howdy!!"

Even for those who couldn't read the runes, it was obvious the ancient mechanism was intrigued. 'Go on', it seemed to say.

"I am Pinkemina of the ponies! They call me 'Pie'! I'll party in your ears and send you fly! There'll be streamers, balloons, baboons and MY, coming up with rhymes is hard, which for some reason makes me think of tart, which is good eatn' and even more fun if you put beans in it because that'll make everyone fa..."

Luckily, Pinkie was interrupted by a high-pitched sound that seemed to come from every direction. The post retracted back into the ground.

Shivering with anticipation, the archaeologist scurried to a set of runes next to the picture of the city and pressed them.

And then the walls started to talk.

In Pinkie's voice, but it was probably too late to change that.

Regular Things

“Greetings, exploratators!! I am so glad you came to visit the pyramid, aren’t you excited?! Caus’ we’re excited!! In fact, the last time we were so excited was when that one guy was like (GASP!!!) OH MY GOSH LET’S BUILD A PYRAMID SO THAT OUR KNOWLEDGE WILL NEVER GET LOST EVEN IF WE GO EXTINCT!”

Luckily, the ancient mechanisms decided to lower the volume after that introduction. It had gotten the whole expedition shaking in their horseshoes- especially the ponies.

It was impossible to locate the origin of the mechanical voice. The whole pyramid seemed to be talking to them.

-

The picture showing the pyramid and the surrounding city started to transform, slowly at first and then faster and faster. Twilight Sparkle realized that it was going back in time, going through one civilization after the other. The city of the ancient diamond dogs vanished and was replaced by a completely different architecture, which was soon replaced itself by something even more outlandish. Towers grew into the sky and crumbled back into the ground, ruins came back to life only to turn back into construction sites, revealing yet another set of ruins that had been hidden underneath... The only thing that always stayed the same was the pyramid itself, perfectly unaffected by wars, floods and glaciers. Sometimes it was hidden underground, just like it was today, but these periods passed as quickly as the others. At one point, someone had actually built a giant castle on top of it.

And then even the nearby mountains started sinking into the ground.

It was giving Twilight a headache. So many eras, so many generations were flashing before her eyes.

Then it finally stopped. The final picture showed a small settlement, hardly more than a research compound by the looks of it. The pyramid was at the centre.

The first city was located in the middle of a vast, open plain, a desert or a savanna. The mountains in what would one day become the Everfree forest were a set of small hills.

“What you are looking at now is the time the pyramid was built. After millennia of bloodshed, we had finally realized that it was our duty as a species to leave behind something else than devastated landscapes and genetic experiments. We knew that our time on this planet was limited, as is the time of every species who ever lived. We had to make sure our technology and the lessons we had learned would be passed on to our descendants.

Our old enemies, the Botanicals, were finally defeated. Our people was decimated and traumatized by their crimes, and some factions argued that the very DNA of the Botanicals ought to be banned from this world. But we knew better than that. We had an ecosystem to rebuild, and the Botanicals were beings with magnificent properties. Instead of annihilating them, we decided to make them the very backbone of our new world. We stripped them of their sophonence and mutated them into thousands of new forms, which would become millions in the natural course of evolution. They would filter the atmosphere and provide food for our own children. They once aspired to rule the world, to cover the land like a green carpet while feasting on the sunlight undisturbed. We granted them that wish, in a way.

The weapons of the Botanicals had turned the planet into a dangerous place for our kind, filled with viruses, aggressive nanomachines and deadly radiation. As a species, we were doomed. The measures to bring the planet back to its former state would take millennia. So while we were working on the atmosphere, we were also working on ourselves.”

Another picture appeared next to the panorama of the city. It was a detailed anatomical study, showing an entity unlike anything the members of the expedition had encountered before. At first glance, it resembled a giant squid or starfish with wings, but that description didn’t really do it any justice. It had five powerful legs and five eyes. An orifice, presumably the mouth, was located between the legs, while the body of the creature was shaped like a bulb or a bud. An anatomical cross-section revealed that this bud did indeed conceal something much larger, folded inside and impossible to decipher.

“It’s what they used to look like”, the Nerubian archaeologist gasped, “I have seen depictions on ancient hieroglyphs, but I always thought they were exaggerated... I had no idea how magnificent they really were...”

“In order to repopulate the planet, we started breeding new lifeforms in our own image...”

Other anatomical studies appeared next to the first one, showing another set of  outlandish creatures.

“Most of these beings were designed to replace the many animal species which had gone extinct during the war. They would only be able to reach sophonence through the course of natural evolution. Some creatures however were granted the ability to think right away, to watch over the others and inherit our knowledge, to which they would add their own. The pyramids, five on every major continent, were built as libraries they could use and expand as they developed their own civilizations. We were so very proud of them. They referred to us as “the regular ones”, being well aware that they themselves were mutants of the original archetype...

-

The presentation continued the overview covering the early years of the pyramid. Finally, it said:

"To learn more about our history and our science, visit the chambres we will now highlight for you...”

The panorama was replaced by a map of the dungeons inside the pyramid.

“...Each civilization which has come after us has added their own history to the archives. On the panel that will appear on the wall to your left, you will be able to select the story you want the pyramid to tell you.”

This was followed by a crackling sound.

“Greetings. This last portion of the introduction is reserved to the last civilization to inherit the pyramid. This happens to be us, the humble Anubians...”

The diamond dogs were trembling with veneration. They realized that this section had been recorded by their very ancestors- even though they were speaking in the voice of this horrible pink pony.

“Many millennia have passed since the times of the Regular Things. To give you a general idea: We ourselves are descended from one of the “animal” species they have mentioned earlier.

We are sharing our world with countless other, wonderful creatures. We are a very young people and our contribution to the collective knowledge might seem modest at best, but we worked hard to get where we are now, reinventing things we could have taken from the library instead. We built our own culture, as every people should. But we shall never forget those who came before us, and our place in the great order of things...”

-

The pyramid fell silent again.

Some of the diamond dogs had misty eyes. This was something they would pass on to their grandpuppies, should they ever have any.

Their silent meditation was interrupted by the triumphant rambling of the nerubian.

“This is bigger than anything I ever expected!! I was looking for ancient ruins, and instead I found a COMPLETE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! Xel’Ooola uncovered a record chambre that is RIDICULOUS in comparison to this one, and HE became our most fameous archeaologist!! This is the greatest find ever!”

“Yeah”, Applejack said, “Listen fellas, these whole shiny flashy crazy things got mah head spinning. What do you say we call this a day and get out of here?”

Part of Twilight was shocked by Applejack’s lack of enthusiasm for what the nerubian was rightfully celebrating as the most sensational discovery of all times, but she realized her friend was right. She felt as if all energy had been drained from her. So many words, so many pictures and concepts had been crammed into her brain all at once. She was literally shaking. And she could see that the others felt the same.

And what they had watched had just been the very tip of the iceberg. According to the map, the dungeons were of epic proportions. Even though she was torn apart by her hunger for discovery, she was overwhelmed by the things that lay ahead. There was more information to gather than they could possibly hoofle. They had to make plans, and take things slow.

The only one who didn’t agree was the archaeologist himself.

“DO YOU HAVE THE BRAIN WORMS, barbaric mule?! Me and my men shall push onwards, towards the very heart of the pyramid! Life is too short to let petty affairs such as sleep and food get into the way of something like this...!”

The ponies were exhausted and decided to let the arachnid’s use of the m-word slip.

The diamond dogs looked tired as well. They were gazing towards the exit, longing.

“Listen, professor”, Twilight said, “We can’t just run into this thing. We need to organize ourselves. How about you and me prepare a road map, so we can concentrate on one area per day? This way we will be more efficient.”

“NONSENSE! What do you know about...”

Applejack decided to interrupt them.

“Ah am getting out of here, and so are you. There have been enough ancient mysteries for tonight.”

One of the diamond dogs stepped foreward.

“I have finished my drawings, boss. I have also copied the map, so we can study it back in camp. We can't make any new recordings either until we get supplies.”

The arthropod was very unhappy about this, but it was obvious he could hardly even stand himself. He started to realize that even his own body was siding with the mammals on this issue.

“Fine then... you bunch of spineless furballs... Go if you must. I shall stay in this room for tonight.”

No one felt the need to point out that the only spineless furrball around here was the nerubian himself.

The dogs shrugged. None of them would have wanted to stay in this ancient structure alone, but if he wanted to do that, let him. He was the boss.

-

The mammals were glad to leave this disturbingly ancient and sacred place. As the nerubian watched them go, his own resolve started to fade. This pyramid WAS awfully big and cold... And these dark tunnels started to look like open maws... And if he stayed behind, his only company would be millennia-old spirits talking in the voice of a crazy earth pony.

Applejack was the rearguard of the expedition. When he saw her blonde tail disappear in the tunnel, he called out to her.

“Oh! Uhm... Miss Apple...?”

“What now, spiderface?”

“I... I think I will leave as well. Keep a few eyes on my men, and whatnot... Can’t really work without my assistants anyways...”

“That’s wonderful. But why do you feel the need to tell me that?”

“I... well...”

“You can’t walk. Is that it? You want this pony to take you for a ride.”

It was so very humiliating.

truths

The Apple family wouldn’t even consider letting the dogs stay in any of the buildings on the farm proper (though Applejack quite happily agreed to let them use one of their outhouses. They would have to burn that one afterwards, but that was still better than having to burn all the bushes on the property.)

It was quite warm, and so the ponies stayed with the rest of the expedition at their campsite this night.

Successfully besting the protests of their elders, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had joined them as well, excited about camping outside and listening to the stories of the secrets that had been uncovered. At least Applebloom had refrained from telling anypony else about the developments on Sweet Apple Ackers. Not that the secret would stay a secret for long in a town like Ponyville.

And speaking of secrets...

“Spike”, Applejack said when she had a moment alone with the little dragon, “Twilight didn’t make you send a message to Princess Celestia yet, did she?”

“No?”

“I had a feeling that might be the case. It’s a little strange, don’t you think? I’m no expert in archalology, but even this workhorse can tell Twilight was right about this being a big thing.”

Spike shrugged. “She’s bound to have a good reason for that. Personally, I don’t mind. Sending messages by magical fire breath sounds a lot more fun than it actually is, I can tell you that.”

Spike was an agent of Canterlot as much as his master, but he was more like an extension of Twilight’s will. He rarely opposed the unicorn’s strategic decisions, though he would certainly question and ridicule them when they were discussing them in private. There was the remote possibility that they had already had a debate on the issue earlier, but Applejack realized she probably wouldn’t get any more information out of little Spike either way.

-

Obviously, Applejack wasn’t the only one concerned about the impact of their discovery.

Later that evening, the ponies were sitting around a campfire, the foals huddled together under a blanket, roasting marshmallows and other snacks Pinkie Pie had organized for them.

Rainbow Dash was leaning on a tree trunk, gazing into the flames.

“I wonder what Princess Celestia will say when she hears about this mumbo-jumbo... I’m not sure what to think, but that stuff down there is just... grotesque.”

Twilight Sparkle had looked up when she had heard the name of her mentor.

“What do you mean?”

Rainbow was shaking her head.

“It just doesn’t make any sense. Iron towers, as high as mountains? Five-legged starfish-people? Millions of years without ponies? That’s just not possible.”

The others were just staring at her. Not disagreeing, not voicing support, but curious what the pegasus had to say.

“... I mean, sheesh... This is EQUESTRIA we’re talking about. It is all ABOUT ponies. All the critters and creeps... they just happen to be there. They wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for Celestia’s sun! Yeah. They’re only here because we allow them to live. And then some of them got frustrated about it and so jealous of the ponies that they built a pyramid full of... I don’t know. Misguided fanfiction?”

As she listened to her own words, it was apparent she had already started doubting her own certitudes. Now that she was actually forced to articulate them.

“Come on, you guys... Say something. Don’t leave me hanging.”

Twilight sighed.

“We don’t usually question the order of things we grew up with. I don’t know any more than you do, Rainbow. I have only a vague notion of what lies beyond the world of the ponies, both in time and in space. For instance, the rotation of the planet. Was it always maintained by alicorns? And where did the alicorns themselves come from? In all my years of studying, I didn’t really find answers to this kind of questions. The truth is, I didn’t even ask them in the first place.”

Rainbow frowned.

“Rotation?”

Twilight was shaking her head.

“Of course. Some ponies still believe Celestia had created the sun and was actually moving it through the sky, but of course that’s impossible. The sun is a ball of burning gas thousands of times bigger than our planet. Even her magic isn’t big enough for that sort of thing. Instead, she and Luna rotate the planet to maintain the day and night cycle.”

When she saw Rainbow’s confusion, the unicorn groaned.

“Oh, COME ON! Did you actually read the books I gave to you?”

“Yes! Of course. Those which had adventures in them.”

“Figures.”

“But this got me thinking”, the blue pegasus said, “If there really was life before the alicorns, the creeps might use that against us. It means there have to be other ways to keep things going. And once they find out, what will become of Equestria? I bet that’s why that spider-country sent out our eight-eyed friend in the first place.”

Twilight gulped. That’s what she got for underestimating Rainbow Dash. It wasn’t easy for that pegasus filly to focus on something intellectual, but once she did, her brain could be just as agile as her wings.

She had to pause for a moment. She owed her friends an explanation. She knew they would go with every decision she would make, but they needed to know why. Rainbow Dash had cornered her not despite the fact that she represented the element of loyalty- but because of it.

Still, it was so very hard to put this into words!

“I... I think they deserve to know. We deserve to know. That’s all. Truth is dangerous, but in the long run, ignorance is even worse.”

She turned to Applejack, looking for approval. The workhorse was the element of honesty, after all.

But the older pony merely shrugged.

“Twilight... Some truths are useful... Some are not. And there are other priorities. I’m sorry, but that’s how I see it.”

When she saw Twilight’s expression of confusion and shame, she smiled. Twilight was the smartest pony she knew, but still the filly was looking up to her like to an older sister.

“That being said, I’m still stickin’ to what I said earlier. It’s your decision. No matter what trouble might come out of it, if we work together we will be able to fix it afterwards. Hay, wouldn’t be the first time the six of us saved the world after actually putting it in danger ourselves.”

The others grinned. The horse of truth had spoken.

-

Somewhere between the apple trees behind them, an eight-legged shadow was hiding, listening closely to every word and burst of laughter.

Long ago in Pyramid City

Pyramid City, three days to the rise of the alicorns.

72 hours remaining.

-

"I still can't believe they picked us for the investigation. The theft of a priceless artifact- that's big", Björn said.

"Hold your horses, featherboy", Anka sighed, "It's just a little artifact, and the main reason it's "priceless" is that they couldn't figure out what to make of it."

The griffin and the anubian were on their way to the museum right now, their patrol vehicle slowly wriggling its way through the late afternoon traffic. It was hot today in Pyramid City- Anka thought it was about time the eggheads responsible for the weather generators did something about that. But no- it was tourist season, and that meant sunshine, sunshine, sunshine for weeks to come. 'Canicule', the dogish heat, that was what they had on the menu. As an anubian, she found that expression slightly racist, but she had to admit, it felt adequate.

She was glancing to the giant obelisk towering over all the other structures. It were these things, spread all over the planet, who provided the energy needed to run the weather generators- as well as the cities themselves.

"Did you hear", she said to her partner, "Congress has passed that new law, allowing the energy sector to upgrade the obelisks. A bad idea, if there ever was one."

Björn looked up from his bag of nutdos.

"Why's that?"

"Because it's dangerous. We hardly even understand how these things work, they have been built 3000 years ago, and they're already running at maximum capacity. Investing in alternative, newer sources of energy would have been safer. But try telling that to the obelisk-lobbies who own our government. Giving up a gargantuan, outdated, overprized, and, dare I say, potentially blow-up-and-end-all-civilization infrastructure? Please... But, you know. That's just my opinion."

He chuckled. "You're just saying that because you want to promote your dog-technology, instead of relying on the ancients. As you said, they have been running for 3000 years without killing anypuppy. Sounds safe to me."

Anka raised an eyebrow. "Anypuppy?"

"I might be a foreigner, but that doesn't keep me from cherry-picking the parts of your culture I find endearing. I mean, come on! 'Anypuppy'! That's just adorable! Nopuppy. Everypuppy! Somepuppy."

"Careful, partner. I'm not sure if I can allow you to say that. Maybe that counts as hate-speech."

She was teasing him, of course, and he knew it.

"Cute-speech, if you ask me!"

"That's not cute, that's my culture! I'll give you cute if you don't watch out..."

-

They arrived at the Pyramid of the Sun just after the last tourists had left the building.

The current director of the museum, a large female nerubian, was waiting for them at the entry. A smaller nerubian was by her side, probably her assistant.

“Good evening, officers... YOU! Get away from my museum, you filthy parasites!!"

The police people tensed up. But it wasn't them who the nerubian was shouting at. At the bottom of the stairs, several four-legged creatures with exotic accessoires were standing around, talking to random people passing by. Ponies, trying to make a living in the big city by sweet talking tourists out of their money.

"You want me let your children ride on my back? Only ten bits!"

"You, beautiful sir! You want me to sing song? I can sing song about cranky people walking away!"

"Look Lady! I found ring on street! Twenty bits and it will be yours!"

"Little money, friend, little money? Mama and Papa in Griffonia hospital."

When someone actually stopped to throw a few coins into their hats, he usually got them looking at his wallet with hungry eyes, saying things like "No! Please, sir... everything! Give everything!"

Björn chuckled. "Ponies. They crack me up."

He pondered.

"It's strange, though. When my parents grew up, ponies were thought to be animals, not nearly as smart as the zebras. But then they changed pretty much overnight. Intelligence doesn't evolve that fast, or does it?"

Anka merely shrugged. "As far as I'm concerned, they're just another ethnicity added to the salad bowl. As long as they do nothing more sinister than singing and dancing money out of a few stupid tourists, they're off my radar."

Anka was rather unique that way. Many other police officers, especially among the anubians, were borderline ponyphobic, and would try to find an excuse to arrest the strange quadrupeds whenever possible.

Since the ticksters didn't seem to be impressed by the spider lady's yelling, and since the police didn't seem to bother arresting them either, the director of the museum produced a small whistle and blew into it. The griffin didn't hear any sound coming out of it, and Anka heard only a very faint note, but the ponies dispersed at once, complaining about hurting ears.

Anka's eyes narrowed. An instrument tuned to cause discomfort to a particular species of people. She wasn't quite sure that sort of thing was legal.

Satisfied with the impact of her action, the nerubian put the whistle away.

"Sorry, I needed to take care of that. Please, follow me to the crime scene...”

-

At this hour, the tunnels of the ancient structure were lit by Anubian luminox runes, replacing an older lighting system that had been installed by the previous manticore civilization.

Poor manticores: their numbers had been shrinking for generations as they became too smart to reproduce. The result was that the last manticores alive were either arrogant hermits or the offspring of those least suitable to produce offspring, inbred morons who were at risk to degenerate completely into bestiality.

They arrived at the chamber were the artifact had been presented to the public.

“So... What can you tell us about this artifact, professor?”

The nerubian was clicking her mandibles.

“A truly peculiar treasure, I must say. It was a record stone... Let me show you something. Please step back.”

The giant spider-like arthropod walked to one of the walls and typed in a command to the touch-sensitive surface.

The floor started vibrating. Anka and her griffin partner were shocked as they saw something like a big well opening up in the centre of the room.

“Wow. Isn’t that dangerous? What if somepuppy fell in there?”

The nerubian made a gesture to dismiss her worries.

“Only the keepers of the pyramid know the code.”

“But what does it have to do with the artifact?”, the griffin asked.

“What you see before you is a particle accelerator. The Regular Things used it for truly mind-boggling experiments we still fail to reproduce to this day. The data needed to launch an experiment was stored in record stones. Imagine this machine as a door that leads you to different places, depending on which key you use. In order to even activate this thing, you need a special combination of several stones. Unfortunately, most stones have been lost over the millenia.”

“And the stolen artifact was one of them?”

“Precisely. It was a fine specimen, but of course completely useless by itself unless you are studying ancient codes like I do. I can only imagine some petty art thief has stolen it for some eccentric collector with too much money on his hands. Ach! It’s infuriating.”

It turned out the records from the security cameras where missing as well. The cameras where another funny thing: Nowadays no one knew where they were actually located, but still you could enter a command into the hieroglyphs and they would show you footage of the things that had happened in different rooms inside the pyramid on the selected day.

"How do you explain the missing footage?", Anka asked. "It appears to me that only a member of the pyramid staff could know how to manipulate the records."

The nerubian was dismissing the police dog's question with a wave of her front legs.

"No need to manipulate them! They have become quite glitchy over the centuries. We are looking into that. Most of the time the quality is excellent, but sometimes entire days drop out of the system, seemingly at random."

Anka frowned.

"How conveniant for the thief to pick just the day that would so randomly cover his deed."

"I guess so."

-

“The spider did it.”

Anka sighed and turned around to look at her partner. “You sound awfully sure about that.”

“It is pretty obvious, don’t you think? She was going on and on about her fetish of ancient puzzles. Her motive is kinda murky, but it’s the best lead we have.”

Anka was nodding. It was good to know she and her partner were on the same wavelength.

“Too bad she’s in such a high position. That’ll most certainly hinder our investigation at some point. I’m as patriotic as the next dog, but our respect of authority is one of the more unpleasant heirlooms of our pack-hunting ancestors.”

It was getting late. Most inhabitants of the city were already home, parked in front of their hologems, watching the recent products of the world-spanning media conglomerate.

“Can I invite you to a cup of coffee?”, Björn asked.

Anka shrugged. Sure, why not.

-

"Excuse me for a minute, I’ll have to look after my son. This is his room now..."

It was Anka who knocked and carefully opened the bedroom door.

"Hey there, little buddy..."

The kid looked up to her with its big, yellow eyes. Björn stepped inside next to her.

"Hello partner. This is Anka, a college of mine from work. Be nice and say hello."

"Hello... My name is Spatz..."

"Hello, Spatz. Nice to meet you."

"I'd give you my hand, but then you might be contaiged..."

"That makes you a real gentlemen in my book. I'll give you two a minute, I'll go to the kitchen and make that coffee. You are not hiding it in some elaborate way, are you?"

-

Later, they were sitting in the kitchen together, drinking coffee.

"Anka...”

It was obvious the griffin was nervous. There had been an ulterior motive for him inviting her over, and Anka believed she already knew what that was.

“I’ll have to leave the city this weekend. My wife’s heritage. My custody for the boy. Lots of nasty legal quarrels with my wife’s family- griffin law is rather grotesque that way. Would you... look, my son has to stay in bed for a few days. Would you watch him for me while I'm out of town?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You think just because I'm a woman that makes me a babysitter by default?" By then she already knew that she would say yes, but some things deserved o be clarified.

"No, it's just... I just moved here, and I don't really know anyone yet. You're the only one I can rely on."

She couldn't help but smile. "You better believe it, partner. "

His expression of infinite gratitude almost made her grin as well, but she tried to preserve a dignified expression. Griffin snouts were funny things: their structure had more to do with platypus beaks than the beaks of actual birds. That also made them more expressive.

"Do you... do you have kids of your own?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. But they're living with my ex-husband."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to stirr up bad memories..."

She snorted. "You don't have to apologize for anything. You've lost your spouse. Mine is just a jerk. Not exactly comparable."

Björn said something that sounded like "Bury what was, handle what is". Anka didn't ask him to repeat it.

For a moment, they were just sitting there together, thinking about the past.

Somehow, Anka's thoughts drifted off to the obelisks... and the stolen artifact.