Tournament of the Wraiths

James and O’Leary, who was at least a little more sober but still drunk, were standing in the center of the arena.

O’Leary looked over to James and said with a slur “Hey, laddy? Hows bout we get this show on the road?”

James cracked his neck and readied his guns. “That’s what I’ve been waiting for.” The arena faded out into the Karakum Desert near the “Door to Hell”.

Death appeared between them. “Are you prepared?” Both James and O’Leary nodded. Death brought his hand down between the two. “BEGIN!”

James Vs. O’Leary

Rebel 1, Action!

(James Vs. O'Leary)

Both James and O’Leary circled each other like a pair of animals before shouting. “Releasing first restriction!/Releasing first restriction!”

O’Leary began to crackle with flames as James’ guns morphed into a pair of magnum revolvers. “Lets see if ya can stand the heat” O’Leary shouted drunkenly. He pulled his desert eagles from their holsters and fired off a few rounds towards James.

James flipped back and dodged most of the shots, one hit him in the thigh and caused him to roll in the sand. James pulled himself into a sitting position before managing to painfully stand up. “Fuck that hurt....Light Puppets!” With a flick of his wrist, many small figurine sized O’Learys that ran at the original.

O’Leary, in his hammered state, thought this was a party trick and yelled “Nice trick laddy. Now let me show ya one. Sentient Flame”. With that O’Leary became flame himself and just stood there in a stupor. The miniatures looked at each other and started doing some tribal dance around him as if he were a god calling him the Fire King.

~Meanwhile~

Alex stared at the scene with amusement written all over his face. “Well this brings back some memories.”

Kate looked at him, “How so?”

“All I need to say is that the silithid are a bit obsessive.”

~Battlefield~

James eye twitched as he watched this. “The Fuck......is that?” James was looking around the arena looking for a way to take out a living flame. How the heck do you fight a fire in a desert!? The thought of water came to his mind but was quickly put aside. Okay fire needs fuel and... Oxygen! “Light Shield!”

A shield formed around O’Leary and sealed away the flame. As the flames started to go out O’Leary realized that he didn't need to breath. O’Leary said aloud in wonder “I can do a nonstop Keg Stand!!!” Looking at the shield in his inebriated state he tried to simply punch it.

His fist collided with the shield and made a small crack. He punched it repeatedly making the crack grow bigger.

James was busy getting to his feet and looked at O’Leary. “Explosive Shot!” His right pistol then began to reform into a Bazooka. The moment the shield broke he grinned. “Eat this, mother fucker!” The rocket flew into the ground at O’Leary’s feet and detonated, sending him flying back towards the edge of the hole.

~Meanwhile~

Rainbow looked at the screen as O’Leary went flying. “His aim still sucks.”

AJ nodded and leaned back in her seat. “Eeyup.” They looked at each other before falling to the ground laughing.

~Battlefield~

O’Leary, recovering from the blow, said sarcastically “Well that was quite the blowhard move. Now if you want a real good boom you use alot of fire! Giant Flame Emperor!” With that O’Leary then began to form a giant ball of fire in his outstretched hand. When it got to the size of a beach ball the ponies in the stands behind O’Leary began to sweat.

When it reached 10 ft. in circumference O’Leary tossed it gently up and down saying “Lets play some catch Laddy. I’ll toss first” and threw it straight for James.

James dodged to the side as the ball crashed into the ground. The flames scorched the sand forming a glass crater. “Shit, that was close.” James looked at the crater and got an idea. With a slam of his hand, a light construct pillar shot out of the ground underneath the glass forming a large magnifying glass angling towards O’Leary. “Just like ants in the backyard.”

~Meanwhile~

Amy facepalmed as she looked at her brother. “What is that idiot doing?”

Dean was also facepalming as he sat next to her. “I don’t know.”

Alex walked into the locker room and tilted his head, “Really? That’s... retarded.”

~Battlefield~

O’Leary in his drunken stupor stood as the dot of light sat on his head. “Oy” O’Leary shouted in annoyance “Get that light lower. I still have a hangover. Give a man a little peace”

James realized that the light was doing nothing more than light a small portion of O’Leary’s forehead on fire. “This is going nowhere.” He decided to change tactics and slam the glass into O’Leary.

O’Leary, being stupid in his drunken state, tried to catch the glass with his hands and, with the momentum of the glass, was pushed back into the hole. As he fell in he saw it was filled with fire and lava. ‘Meh could be me falling into a liquid nitrogen bath’ O’Leary thought. When O’Leary hit the bottom he just laid back and relaxed as it felt like a warm bath.

From out of the hole James heard O’Leary shout “I Quit. I need another drink NOW!!!”

Death appeared and with that the stage went back to normal. “The Winner of Losers bracket, Round one is James.” Death declared.

From the ground O’Leary said “But I quit.”

Death facepalmed and said “Not you James the other James.”

~Meanwhile~

Alex stared blankly at the screen before clapping his hands. “Fucking brilliant, ten out of ten would watch again.”

Michael’s eye twitched, “He quit the match... for a drink...”

Dean sighed, “I understand that feeling.”

Suddenly the screen changed and showed a logo for Old Spice. “And now... a word from our sponsors.”

The screen changed and showed Jay wearing nothing but a towel in a bathroom with the shower running. “Hello ladies. Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using lady scented body wash and switched to Old Spice,” Jay brought out a bottle of Old Spice bodywash. “He could smell like he’s me.”

The shower moved off screen and was replaced by a ship. “Look down. back up. where are you?” A shirt with the sleeves tied landed on his shoulders and the towel was removed to show a pair of white pants. “You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand? Back to me.” Jay  moved the bottle off screen without looking away and brought forth an oyster that opened to reveal two tickets.“It’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again.”

The oyster fell out of his hand and diamonds flowed freely from his hand. “The tickets are now diamonds!” The camera zoomed out and revealed an island beach in the background and the fact that Jay was on a pony. Namely Big Mac. “Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on a horse.”

TV Big Mac looked up at him indifferently as a jingle was whistled in the background. “Git off.”

Alex blinked before slowly putting his palm to his face. “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?”

The screen flashed and showed a picture of Amy and Michael. “The next round of the loser’s bracket will be Amy vs. Michael.”