Fuckin' Houdini Splicers!
He awoke, his head clanging like a Spider had just done a number on his nut and his Rapture-damned body aching like a Big Daddy had slammed him.
'Fuckin' idiot Houdini! I told him to teleport me to Ryan's Amusements, not fuckin' Arcadia! I'll splice that moron a new head!'
The monster rose from the mud and dirt. It was daytime, which mean a whole lot of light and a buttload of minor splicegangers would be out looting. He started dusting off his suit, most of his kind gave little thought to their appearance, but then they wouldn't have the fucking balls to lead an army of the most cunning to take Point Prometheus from the Big Daddies.
Slowly, the mud came off his armor. Some liked to continue to wear their costumes from the rather melodramatically titled 'Fall of Rapture', but he wasn't one of them. Shunning the idiocy of running around trying to score ADAM with a fucking piece of cloth, he'd long ago swapped it up for something with some practicality. Which was why he had clad himself, head to toe, in the highly modified armor of the Alpha Daddy he'd watched die. The Lamb had hit him with a plasmid, then ordered him to shoot himself, much to the horror of the watching Little Sister and to his amusement.
Gone was the anonymity of the headpiece, replacing the faceplate with CLEAR armored glass. The drill attachment he dumped, it was too heavy and who really needs a massive drill to make their empire? The heavy boots were also missing, although not by choice. Some idiot splice-ling had sawn them off while he was sleeping in Paupers Drop, riding high on his bounty of his newly aquired Electro-Bolt(Tm) plasmid and a bucket of the shittest whiskey he'd ever drank. Days later, he'd found the little shit responsible for removing his boots and made it take a thousand year float in the briney.
The monster looked around, greeted by blue sky and trees.
'This isn't fucking Arcadia. This isn't domed. Where in the deep blue sea did that idiot send me?'
After making sure no fucking backstabbing assholes were waiting around a tree, he pulled off his helmet and took a breath. The air was moist, pure and, horrifyingly, lacked the oily steam smell of his home. Animal, mulch, shit, yes, but no salty air, no steam, no blood or hate or pheromones.
'Fuck this noise. I need some ADAM! I'm gettin' all ansty just thinkin' about it!'
That was the direction! A scream! It sounded feminine and in danger! His instincts took him, that scream could mean a splicer had murdered another and scored some of that Fontaine Ambrosia! Then he'd take his cut. He was, after all, Daddy Dagan. SPLICER SUPREME!
He marched into the forest, pulling his famed wrench from his side. It'd been with him since the Fall and, Lamb's sake, it'd be with him until the day he died, cussing and screaming at the hands of a greater monster. But there was too much fucking vegetation between him and his pray. He raised his left hand and sent a stream of fire into that green strangeness. Incinerate! Fire at your fingertips! 'Thank you Ryan, fuckin', Industries for your little marvel.' Laughing to himself as the fire purged the green and left him a path. Following the scorched earth, he came upon a clearing with the strangest sight ever. A fucking orange thing was lying on the ground, a strange blue train-thing beside it, wailing like a stuck Leadhead for something. The smell of blood hit his nose, then another far more familiar, far more exciting smell came afterwards.
'ADAM! This is a little sister! Small, strange but still cute and absolutely packed with the stuff! Injuried, barely moving and no big Daddies! Fuck yes! I've hit the fucking jackpot!'
He advanced. Victory was his and to the victor goes the sea Slug elixir!
Scootaloo had spent most of the day trying to emulate the speed of her beloved Rainbow Dash, buzzing near the Everfree forest at breakneck speeds and performing many dangerous stunts with her scooter. As she screamed through the skies after a rather large jump, she started to wonder about her crusader friend Applebloom. After her experience with that metal monster, she'd been taken 'ill' and she felt pity for that filly. Sweetie and her had eventually managed to persuade Applejack and the doc's to let them visit, but all AB had done was sit on the bed. When Sweet's touched her shoulder, she let out an angry growl! A doctor ushered the two of you outside, while a nurse adminstered a sedative to her friend.
Her mind switched to her other friend, Sweets, she'd been taken by some strange metal creature that had killed ponies! After fixing its doll, the metal thing had befriended the white unicorn and had refused to leave her side. Scootaloo feared the monster, but her friend was quite taken with it. She gave it tours of Ponyville, bathes, played with it and even made it a Cutie Mark Crusader cape for that metallic blankflank!
The frisson of jealousy from that thought distracted the pegasus filly as she rounded another Everfree tree and caused her to vear into the forest. She was afraid of this place, it was filled with creatures that loved to eat kids! But Rainbow Dash wouldn't be afraid of such a place, so she wouldn't be either! She artfully dodged a fallen branch, nimbly twirled around a wicked-looking tree and slammed straight into a rock. Letting loose a pain-filled scream, she heard her scooter landing close by. She groaned, her little body wracked with pain as she rolled around on the forest floor.
There was a strange noise from somewhere nearby, a quiet foosh!ing noise followed by several hoof-falls. Scootaloo could barely open her eyes as she thanked the sun that another pony was here. She didn't think she'd be able to move and who knows what sort of strange creature could find her here! Maybe even a manticore! Those steps grew close, followed by the sound of a pony kneeling next to her, a set of reassuring hooves gently landed on her body and started to search for wounds. The feeling was strange, yet comforting, like a rub down or something. Those hooves had five strange nubs on them and where very cold. They traced lines, checking her joints and wings with clinical precision.
Something was very wrong with whatever pony had found her, so she forced herself to look at it. It was big. It was metal. It looked angry and it noticed her waking up.
"Where's the fuckin' ADAM, you little bitch?" It said.
Scootaloo screamed at that horribly scarred face.
Fuckin' sister doesn't have any fuckin' pockets! Where's her jabby thing? Where's her fuckin' dress?! WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' ADAM?!
Dagan lamented his prize, it was a fucking horse-sister with wings but no visible ADAM! He briefly considered incinerating it, but it wasn't even worth the power to do so. Perhaps it knew where the nearest Houdini Splicer was? Or, better yet, where he could score some of that fine ass Worley wine! YES! If he couldn't inject, he'd drink till his eyes watered and his liver weeped! But first things first, establish if this thing could show him the way to some ADAM! He wrapped his hands around its neck and lifted it skyward, making sure not to choke it so badly it couldn't speak. Giving it a firm shake to show it who was boss, he gave it the simplest of questions.
"You understand me, little fish?" The creature stared at him in fear, so he shook it again. "I asked you a fuckin' question lil' fish! Answer or I'll cave your head in!"
"Yes!" The thing responded. Good. No wrenchtime needed.
"Where's the fuckin' ADAM! I know this ain't Rapture, but I wants me some ADAM!"
"Who's Adam?" The creature replied. He gave it another violent shake.
"A.D.A.M! Seaslug stuff! Fontaine's ambrosia! THE MAGIC!" It recognised the last one and started to stutter.
"I...I...I know a pony who knows magic!"
"Then you're gunna take me to it and if you are tricking me, little fish, you're gunna know why I'm called Daddy Dagan! POINT THE FUCKIN' WAY!"
The orange thing pointed a tiny legarm thing in a direction and then started to choke. Releasing it, he pulled out a piece of rope that bore the title 'Farle's Fusions! Don't trust Fenris's Folly! Buy 6 inches of Farle's Finest!' and made a leash around the creature's neck. It coughed and spluttered against its captivity. After it stopped hacking up what was presumably a hayball, it looked up at him and quaked on its little legs.
"Not to worry, lil' fish, Daddy Dagan makes sure all his little splicers are safe and happy." His tone kind, then shifting darker as he finished. "As long as they do what they're told."
The small creature nodded, silent tears streaming down its face. The two marched off, then hit the edge of the forest after a mere moment. The Splicer stared. It was a huge town of these wierd horse creatures. His helmet clanged on the floor as he inhaled that wonderful aromatic scent of pure, uncut ADAM! A quiet tear of joy snuck out of his eye. He grabbed his helmet from the ground and slapped it back on. Then he turned to the creature beside him.
"What's this fuckin' place called, lil'fish?"
"....Ponyville." He gave it a small tug and it yelped, then looked at him confused.
"No it ain't, lil' fish. Its called Dagan's...." He paused, trying to think of something clever to name his new reaping grounds. "....Dangle. And its gunna be fuckin' glorious. Gunna make me some splicers, gunna carve up the ADAM and when I'm done? I'll go back to Rapture and take it all for meself! DAGAN'S HOME BABY!"
He pulled the creature forward.
