Toxic glanced at the digital clock on top of his dark-wood dresser, putting down the book. It wasn't like he was able to read anyhow. He had managed to get a few chapters into the adventure novel (recommended to those who enjoy Daring Do,) but his nightmare was weighing too heavily on his mind.

Well, he may as well get it out of his system.

He could feel the emotions churning, almost enough to give him a headache. It was just like in the hospital, or those pressurized tanks in the lab. If enough pressure built, the container would rupture. In this case, he'd probably just sob for a good hour, if he could.

That thought alone sparked a flare of anger as Toxic snagged his saddlebags and writing materials, making his way out the door. Still a bit sore from two days in the hospital, but nothing serious.

Maybe he'd write a letter tonight.

The air was brisk, enough to wake him up, but not so much that Toxic craved a sweater. Thank goodness for fur. It was a five minute trot to his favorite spot, a secluded location, as far as city parks go. It was on the very outskirts of Canterlot, and one of the areas largest parks. It encompassed part of a forest, but was mostly rolling grassy hills that lit up in spring with wildflowers, and a large lake feeding into a few smaller ponds, and then a river. In short, it was spectacular. At night, especially now, when the air was brisk and the skies were clear, he would just sit on the bank, underneath a large willow tree.

Toxic truly pitied anyone who mocked his odd mannerisms, because underneath it all, it just made sense. It made sense to him, of course, but also to anyone who bothered to ask. The night sky was something he had always appreciated, seeing the occasional comet or distant star twinkle. Being away from everything helped him think, and tonight was one of those nights.

He settled down onto the soft grass, smiling as a jumping fish sent ripples soaring across the lake's surface.

Toxic pulled one of his hooves to his body, prodding his chest experimentally. To anyone watching, it would certainly seem like an odd action, but Toxic wasn't sure what else to do.

He just couldn't feel anything deep. The worse part was, he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

Yep. Definitely time for a letter. It was a simple matter to pull out the quill and clipboard-parchment, and get started.

Dear Princess Celestia....

He stopped, crossing off the words. No, not her.
Dear Princess Luna.

But wait, he didn't want to show favorites. More crossing off.
Dear Princess Luna and Celestia.

Perfect. Showing slight preference, but courtesy to both.

He had first gotten the idea when hearing about Princess Celestia's student, Twilight Sparkle. Apparently she wrote letters every now and again, reporting her findings on various topics, specifically, friendship.

Unlike her, Toxic never sent these letters. He wrote them, and the ink just disappeared onto the page, just like any other time. It was nice though, to imagine someone reading the letters, and perhaps even writing back, even if it never happened. Sometimes thinking out loud was almost as good as talking to someone who DID exist. It was fun to pretend that they remembered his letters though, almost like a one-way pen pal of sorts.

Sorry for that confusion, but I guess Luna would be awake now. It's one of those letters again, but this time, I don't know what to say.

His rapid writing stopped for a second as he mulled over the murky thoughts in his mind, finally managing to strain out a few particular ones.

I guess, well, I'm writing to see where it takes me. You remember from a few letters ago, of why I can't write my parents. They're just not the same, not since everything changed.

His quill shook, even though held in a magical grip. The faint inklings of regret and grief pricked at his heart. Change. Sometimes it was good, other times bad...

Other times, catastrophic.

I want to be able to cry over them, my family that is. They're still doing well of course. I talk to them weekly, to check up on how they're doing. I love them, but...they're a different family than I grew up with. This might be a sensitive topic, but maybe you know what it's like, to return after a thousand years, and have to get to know those you love all over again, and sometimes, you don't like the changes.

Toxic sighed, not paying any mind to the gentle breeze that rustled the willow's long flowing arms.

Oh, by the way, my littlest sister is learning another instrument. She's such an adorable foal. I really wish-

I wish I could have my old family back.

Toxic felt the tears. They were right there, behind his eyes, but they refused to flow. How much he wanted to cry as he used to, feel things as he once did.

Yet he remained unable to do so. Did the royal sisters feel like that?

Do you ever cry? Or your sister? I'd like to. I used to. I know I'm a sensitive stallion, no need to rub it in, but yes, stallions cry, especially me.

You and your sister are all really the only ones I talk to nowadays. I was out cold for two days in the hospital, that's all that's new. I had another nightmare though, a bad one.

Toxic stared long and hard at the water before penning his next thought, one that ordinarily would have sent tears down his cheeks.

But not tonight. Tonight, all it did was cause a slight stirring in his heart, like a pebble dropped in a lake.

Am I really that difficult to be around? To be liked? I speak of love, and of friendship. Of something. Anything.

The distraught stallion continued to stare at the water, but had he looked up, a shooting star would have been visible directly above him.

Many miles away, in the royal castle, a dark blue alicorn stood in front of a large window overlooking the city, a parchment levitating in front of her. A few tears traced their way through her fur as she read the words that began to appear on the parchment before her. The tears began to flow more steadily as the writing on the material progressed.

Princess Luna paused, even as the writing continued, her eyes resting on a specific phrase, one that pierced her heart like a knife, for the pain was just as palpable.
-and sometimes, you don't like the changes.

Author's Note

Poor Toxic. I'm so mean.

Anyhow. I liked this chapter. Let me know what you all think! ^_^ (feedback appreciated!)