Santa Crops Isn't Coming to Town

by Dubs Rewatcher

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Velvet, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 5483

It's Hearth's Warming Eve, and a young filly named Twilight Sparkle has set out to prove that Santa Crops, the mythical gift-giver, is just that: a myth.

It's Hearth's Warming Eve, and foals all over Equestria are making their wish lists, singing carols, and being on their very best behavior. After all, Santa knows if you've been bad or good! And you wouldn't want to get put on the Naughty List, would you?

At least, that's what everypony says. But Twilight Sparkle, a young filly living in Canterlot, knows that it's all a hoax. Not content to just sit back and watch her family be fooled, Twilight has set out to prove once and for all that Santa Crops is just a myth... even if it means making her older brother cry.

--

Edited by the glorious Pav Feira. Go kiss his boots.
Have a brilliant Christmas, everyone.

Published 2012-12-25 04:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-25 04:40:01 UTC

Santa Crops Isn't Coming to Town

Twilight Sparkle, her brother Shining Armor, and their mother Velvet Shine walked outside the Mount Celestia Mall, covered in at least five layers of clothing each. Across Equestria, ponies slept, choosing the warmth of their blankets over the sharp winter cold. It was six in the morning on the coldest Hearth’s Warming Eve in a century; nopony in their right mind would be out. Twilight and Velvet’s eyes and bodies sagged and shivered, weighed down by exhaustion. The elder periodically sipped at an already-cooling cup of coffee.

Shining, on the other hoof, was aflame with excitement. The colt jumped up and down with each step, a grin stretching from ear to ear. The constant sound of his hooves clopping against the hard concrete beneath their hooves was the only thing keeping his companions awake. He didn’t slow, even as they entered the mall.

“Come on!” Shining called over his shoulder, bounding ahead. “We need to hurry, or we’ll miss Santa!”

The two ladies groaned, the younger louder than the elder. When Velvet saw her son’s dejected look, she managed to put on a smile. “Of course, sweetie. Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll still be here... Celestia knows he better be,” she finished under her breath.

Twilight had a pout on her face as they walked. Even that early in the morning, ponies crowded the store, frantically searching for last minute Hearth’s Warming presents for a co-worker, or a weird uncle. After a few moments of galloping, Shining fell into step next to his sister. He frowned down at her. “What’s wrong, Twily? Are you having trouble deciding what you want Santa Crops to get you?”

With as much sourness as a tired filly could muster—which happened to be quite a bit—she glared up at him. “No, because he’s not real!”

Shining chuckled. “What? You’re crazy.”

“I’m not crazy, you’re crazy!” Twilight yelped. “Santa Crops is a hoax! He’s impossible!”

“He’s not impossible. He’s magic!”

“Magic doesn’t work that way! No magic can do what he does. If Santa was really real, and he really delivered toys to every pony in the world in one night, do you know what would happen to him?”

Shining shook his head. “No.”

“He would burn!” Twilight yelled loud enough for quite a few ponies to hear. Shining recoiled. “He’d be going so fast that friction would burn him up!”

Velvet jumped and rushed up to Twilight to cover her mouth. “Twilight, sweetie,” she whispered, “what have I told you about giving science lessons indoors?”

“But I’m right!” Twilight insisted. “Science proves it! And science is never wrong!”

Shining Armor contemplated this statement for a moment before smiling and replying, “Yeah, but I’m older than you! Which means I’m right!”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Nuh-uh!”

“Yuh-huh!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Yu—”

“Children!” Velvet said, silencing them both. “Mommy has a headache, and would appreciate it if you cooperated here, so we can go home, and Mommy can go back to sleep. Okay?”

“Okay,” the foals repeated, dejected.

By now, the group had made their way to Santa’s Workshop. Green-clad white ponies milled about, chatting, setting up props, and generally looking more like tired minimum-wage workers than elves. Nevertheless, Shining felt as if he was going to explode as he jumped up and down, eyes boggling. Twilight rolled her eyes. Velvet simply yawned and took a sip of her coffee.

It was only after he saw the big stallion himself that Shining’s excitement finally let itself go. Slouched on a candy-cane throne at the top of the stairs was a pony who looked a bit like a mule. His face was covered with bushy white hair. His red suit bulged in some places and sank in others. With a squeal, Shining launched himself up the stairs, bowling over multiple elves in the process.

The pony-mule-Santa nearly had a heart attack when the white colt, who looked much too old for this kind of event, leaped onto his lap at full speed. Shining wrapped his forelegs around Santa’s neck and looked up at him with a sweet smile.

“Hi, Santa,” he murmured.

The bulging pony glanced down at Shining in utter confusion. “Er... What would you like for Hearth’s Warming, little...”—he grimaced—”...little colt?”

“Well... I want a new baseball bat, and a football, and a super-fast sled with rockets, and a guitar, and one of those fancy radio-thingies that all the rich ponies have, and—”

“Whoa, whoa, kid!” Santa interrupted. “Slow down there! There’s only one day ‘til Hearth’s Warming, ya know.”

Shining blinked. “Uh... Well, if you can’t get me anything else, there is one thing that I want more than anything else!”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“I want a sword and shield!” Shining said proudly. “Just like the Royal Guards have!”

Santa stared down at the colt for a moment before sighing and rubbing his temples. “Sure. A sword. Try not to poke your eye out.”

With an excited squeal, Shining jumped off of Santa and galloped back to his family. “Your turn, Twily!”

Twilight’s ears drooped. “Nuhhh... Do I have to? This is crazy!”

Keeping on her best “Mother of the Year” smile, Velvet leaned down to her daughter’s height. “Twilight, dear, I woke up at the crack of dawn just to bring you two here. You’re going up there, no buts about it.”

“But—”

“Does somebody want their dictionary to be taken away?” Velvet was still smiling.

With a jump, Twilight scrabbled up the stairs as fast as she could go. As Santa was much more used to fillies her size, he barely reacted when she climbed onto his lap and began to stare at him.

He sniffed. “So, what’ll it be? A doll?”

Twilight’s eyebrows furrowed. How can anyone buy this stuff? I bet he’s not even listening! Her eyes lit up. Grinning mischievously, she said, in the most innocent voice she could give, “Santa, I would like the last remaining relic of the old Unicorn Empire: the Unicron Crystal!”

“Sure,” Santa replied with a dull nod. “A doll. Right.”

Twilight frowned. I was right! How can anypony beli—

That was when she noticed: pony-mule-Santa’s beard was loose. She could see where it separated from his face. They couldn’t even get the costume right!

That gave her an idea. A way to prove, once and for all, that this Santa was nothing but a big hoax. On impulse, her horn lit up. Just a second later, Santa’s beard grew the same light. His eyes widened. “Hey, kid, what are you—”

With a small rip of velcro, the beard came off.

The Santa shrieked and jumped out of his chair, sending Twilight tumbling to the carpet below. “What the hay, kid?! Give me back my beard!”

Twilight held the false facial hair high in the air for everypony to see. “Look! See? See? I was right! Santa’s a fake! Mom, I was right! I was right!”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “What?! You can’t ground me on Hearth’s Warming Eve!”

Velvet, who was unlocking the door to their house, didn’t even look at her daughter. “And you can’t go around assaulting Santas! But it looks like the rules just went out the window today! I mean, look at your brother!”

Wincing, Twilight glanced at Shining. Tears streamed freely down his face, mixing with the mucus running from his nose. He shook, racked with sobs. His eyes were wide. He let out another long wail, burying his face in his hooves.

“B-But that’s not my fault!” Twilight insisted as they entered the house. “I didn’t know that he would start crying!”

Velvet didn’t answer. With magic, she removed her layers of coats, revealing a coat of matted white fur. Leaving her children to figure out their own clothing situations, she trotted into the kitchen and glanced at her husband, Nightlight, who was wearing an apron that read "Kiss The Cook" and fussing around in a cupboard.

“Who’s crying?” he asked, not looking at her.

“Shining.” She levitated a wine glass and a bottle of merlot over to the dining table. “Twilight pulled off the mall-Santa’s beard, and now he’s convinced Santa isn’t real.”

Another deep sob came from the doorway as the two siblings walked in. Shining looked like a mess as he ran up to his father. “D-Dad!” he choked out. “Everything I know is a lie! Santa’s not real!”

Nightlight smiled calmly. “Don’t worry, he’s real.”

Shining wiped his nose. “H-Huh? How?”

“That wasn’t the real Santa!”

“It wasn’t?!”

Nightlight shook his head. “I bet it was just a decoy, so the real Santa would be safe from assassins!”

Shining looked up at his father in wonder.

Nightlight nodded. “Yep. I’d wager that, considering how much power he’s got, lots of ponies would want Santa dead.”

Shining stared at his hooves for a moment before his face lit up. “That makes sense!” he chirped. Smiling, he ran off.

With a satisfied grin, Nightlight closed the cupboard, a bag of flour in his telekinetic grasp. Velvet was staring at him, her eyebrows narrowed. Nightlight, now stirring a large pot, gazed back. “What?”

Grumbling under her breath, Velvet poured a liberal dose of wine.

Twilight, who was still standing in the doorway, stomped her hoof. “This isn’t fair! I'm the one who was right!” She began to walk away, shouting “I know when I’ve been insulted! I know when I’ve been insulted!”

Almost simultaneously, Nightlight's pot exploded into flame.

Velvet quickly downed her entire glass.

ding dong

Nightlight, eyebrows singed and smelling like cabbage, walked from the kitchen towards the front door. On his way, he passed his wife, who was sitting at the kitchen table, grasping an empty bottle of wine. "I hope it's carolers!" he sang. "That would really liven things up, wouldn't it, honey?"

The mare groaned.

He opened the door. Standing on the other side, flanked by two buff Royal Guards, was a young, pink alicorn. Nightlight stared for a moment before his eyes widened, and he hit the floor in a bow. “P-Princess Cadance!”

Velvet’s ears perked up, but otherwise she didn’t react.

Cadance giggled. “Oh, Mr. Sparkle, I told you! You don’t need to do that every time I come.”

Nightlight stood up, cheeks slightly red. “Oh, y-yes, of course.”

Motioning to the guards to stay outside, she stepped in, and gave Nightlight that traditional Prench welcome—a kiss on both cheeks—causing the stallion’s face to redden like a tomato. From the kitchen, Velvet glared at the princess.

Cadance, her eyelids lowered slightly, locked eyes with her. She waved. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Sparkle! I didn’t even see you there!”

“Hello,” Velvet said flatly. As she spoke, she opened up the wine cupboard with her magic.

Smiling toothily, Cadance pulled out four boxes. She floated one to each of them, one large, the other small. “Happy Hearth’s Warming! I brought presents!”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have, Your Highness!” Nightlight said, snapping out of his embarrassment.

“It was my pleasure. Go ahead, open them up!”

Nightlight tore the wrapping off his large present. His face lit up. “Oh, my! A new cookbook! How did you know?”

Cadance giggled. “Oh, I was just thinking about all that wonderful food you’ve made for me over the years. Now you can make even more!” She turned to Velvet, who was staring down at her box grimly. “Come on, Mrs. Sparkle! I promise it won’t bite.”

The white mare lifted the top off of her box, and her eyes widened. “O-Oh!” she stammered. With a flourish of magic, four silver horseshoes came floating out of the box. “N-New Mareison horseshoes?! I’ve been wanting these for weeks! Why, thank you, Princess!”

“Oh, it’s no problem at all,” Cadance said, simpering. “I just couldn’t let you keep wearing your old horseshoes. They looked so worn out!” Velvet’s smile dropped. “I can only imagine what they were doing to your back. It’s no wonder you’ve been so grumpy lately.”

With a thud, Velvet dropped the shoes back in the box. “Of course,” she said through gritted teeth. “How... thoughtful.”

The alicorn nodded happily. “Now, where is Twilight? I really think that she’ll like her gift!”

Nightlight looked up from inspecting a recipe for kale chips. “She’s in her room. You’ll be just the thing to cheer her up!”

Cadance walked out of the room, towards the staircase. A look of concern passed over her face. “What filly needs to be cheered up on Hearth’s Warming?” she said under her breath.

When she arrived, she slowly edged the bedroom door open with a hoof. “Twilight? Are you in here?” The filly was sitting on her bed, writing furiously into a notebook. Every few seconds, she would turn to an abacus at her side, clack a few beads, then return to writing. She had a determined expression on her face. Cadance stepped in. “Twilight, it’s me. I brought presents!”

Twilight gave a small grunt in affirmation. Cadance stepped up to the bed. “Can you guess what it—”

“Does this look right?” Twilight asked, holding the notebook up to Cadance’s face. Cadance squinted at the stilted, foalish hornwriting.

If every foal in the world gets at least one toy, with each toy weighing at least two pounds, Santa’s sleigh (not real) is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is carrying the additional weight of however many cookies he’s supposedly eaten (although I know it’s just mom and dad). On land, normal reindeer can pull no more than about 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (they don’t exist) could pull at least ten times their normal amount, Santa would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the weight—not even counting the weight of the sleigh—to 353,430 tons.

Twilight peered over the notebook. “Huh? Is it?”

Cadance blinked. “Ah... I’m not so good at math, Twilight.”

Twilight groaned and threw the notebook back onto the blanket. “Well, I’ve double-checked it, and it’s right! So I’m right! Like I told them!” She fell backwards and lay on her back.

“Right about what? Santa Crops’ weight?”

“Don’t tell me you believe in him too!” Twilight exclaimed.

Cadance giggled. “Well, of course I do. Who doesn’t?”

Twilight answered with a sigh.

“Hey, where’s Shining Armor?” Cadance asked. “I have his present too. I think he’s going to like it!”

“He’s out, playing with his friends.” Twilight turned over. “He was gonna take me, but I’m grounded.”

“Grounded?! I didn’t think it was possible! For what?”

With a blush on her face, Twilight explained the situation. From the bitter cold, to the fake Santa, to the security guards who literally threw them out of the mall—everything. With every new detail, the frown on Cadance’s face grew deeper. By the time she had finished the story, Twilight couldn’t even force herself to make eye-contact.

Cadance shook her head. “Twilight, why in the world would you do something as horrible as that? What were you thinking?”

Twilight growled, her face red. “Because I saw it as a chance to show everypony that I was—no, am right about Santa! He’s not real, but no one will listen to the hard proof!”

“Whoa, whoa, Twilight... Let’s calm down here.” Cadance put a hoof on the filly’s shoulder. “Twilight, it’s Hearth’s Warming! It’s a time of getting together with your family and friend, and being happy! There’s no need to get so mad.”

Twilight crossed her forelegs and pouted. “I refuse to be happy as long as my peers continue to support the mindless c-capitalistic brainwashing that has taken over the country!”

There was a moment of silence.

Cadance raised an eyebrow, holding back laughter. “Do you even know what half of those words mean?”

“Y-Yes!”

“Let me guess: you read it in the newspaper, and—”

“The point is,” Twilight interjected, “Santa isn’t real, I’m right, and that’s all there is to it!”

Cadance held up her hooves defensively. “Okay, okay! I get it! You’re right, and I’m wrong. Just... Just try not to let being right get in the way of you enjoying the holiday. That’s all I’m asking for.” She floated a flat box over to Twilight. “Here.”

Twilight opened the box. She gasped. With a look of complete and utter reverence, she lifted a large wooden instrument out of the box. “A s-s-sextant?! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Cadance, thank you!” She wrapped the princess in a tight hug. “Thank you, thank you! It’s what I’ve always wanted!”

Cadance laughed, and returned the hug. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Twilight.”

Twas the night before Hearth’s Warming, and all through the house not a creature was stirring—not even a mouse.

Rather, the creature was stirring on the roof. The creature in particular was a little purple filly. She was dressed from head-to-hoof in winter gear, weighing her down quite a bit. This wasn’t to mention the fierce blizzard that was raging like a hungry lion outside. With a grunt, she had lifted herself up the last rung of the ladder, climbing onto the slanted shingles of the roof.

Twilight struggled to keep her footing as she slowly trudged to the apex of the roof, which housed a small section of flat-land. She had a pencil in her mouth, and a notebook tucked into her hat. Repressing a shiver, she laid down in the ice and snow. She stared at the chimney, a few feet in front of her.

As she arranged her notebook, a small, chattering smile passed over her face. Santa supposedly comes in through the roof. So all I have to do is stay here until sunrise, and I’ll prove that he doesn’t exist!

She glanced for a split-second at the notebook to position her pencil, then began to write as she looked at the chimney.

11:30 PM

No Santa. Temperature is approximately 5 degrees fahrenheit. Wind speed at approximately 25 mph. Provisions at maximum.

Shivering, she pulled a candy bar out of her hat. She unwrapped it and bit into it, only to find it was as hard as glass. It crunched around in her mouth, stabbing her gums and straining her teeth. She fruitlessly gnawed at the frozen brick for a few moments more before groaning in annoyance and throwing the bar away, towards the ladder. She would get it later.

A few seconds passed, with the only sound being the howling of the wind, and her own thoughts. This is gonna be a long night...

slam

She jumped. Taking a quick look around, she couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Definitely no Santa. The strangest thing she noticed was that her ladder, the only way to and from the roof, had disappeared. She shrugged and lay back down.

She blinked.

“Where’d the ladder go?!” she screamed, whipping her head around. Putting her pencil and notebook back where they had been, she slowly slid down the side of the roof, only stopping when she reached the edge. She looked over the side.

Lo and behold, there was the ladder. It lay in the snow, slowly being covered with white. Right next to it was the sharp, jagged edge of the candy bar, taunting her. Closing her eyes, she attempted to lift the ladder with magic. It was no use—the ladder was too big, and all it did was give her a headache. She stared at the two objects for a moment before falling back onto her flank.

I’m stuck!

No, no, there has to be some way to get down.

There isn’t! You checked earlier, remember?!

Okay, okay, let’s stay calm, let’s stay calm—

She interrupted her own thoughts by letting out a sharp cry. “Mommy, daddy, help!” she cried. She could barely hear herself above the wind. Tears of frustration stung her eyes. She was tempted to stamp her hooves, but knew that it might mean losing her already-shaky hoofhold. Instead, she resorted to simply yelling for help, as loud as she could.

A few minutes of yelling came and went, with nopony showing up to save her. By now, even her tears had begun to freeze against her coat. She wiped them away and tried to swallow past the lump that was blocking her now raw throat. “H-Help...”

“Twily?”

Her eyes shot open. Down on the ground, looking up at her with a confused expression, was Shining Armor. “What are you doing on the roof?”

A grin broke out over Twilight’s face. “S-Shining! You heard me!”

“Well, you are standing right above our room. Now, answer me!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “What do you think I’m doing? Since you ponies won’t believe physics and logic, I’m getting a primary source to prove that Santa isn’t real!”

Shining stomped his hoof. “You can’t do that! You know that he won’t come if we’re awake!”

“Of course. Just put the ladder back up and go to bed!” She shivered. “A-And maybe get me a blanket or two! ...And maybe Smarty-pants?”

Shining sighed and began to dig out the ladder. Twilight could see its metal glinting in the moonlight. She smiled down at her brother—until he stopped digging and looked back up at her, frowning. “Hey, why’d you stop? You have to dig out the ladder!”

Shining shook his head. “No.”

“...What?” Twilight said. “B-But why not?!”

“You’re going to get us all put on the Naughty List!” He put a hoof on the ladder. “Promise that you won’t try to see Santa, and I’ll let you down.”

“No! I’m going to see Santa!” Twilight’s ears perked up. “I-I mean, I’m not going to see him, because... oh, you know what I mean! I’m not coming down.”

Shining turned away. “Then it looks like you won’t be needing this ladder, then!”

Twilight grit her teeth. “Come onnnnn!” She began to stamp her hooves, shaking some snow and ice free from the roof. “Just put the ladder back up, and—w-whoa!” Before she could finish, she found one of her hooves slipping on the icy shingles. She attempted for a few panicked seconds to steady herself, before she completely lost her hoofing and slid right off the side.

She barely reacted fast enough to grab onto the edge of the roof with both hooves. The ice under her hooves stung as she screamed “Shining! H-Help me!”

Down on the ground, Shining was running in circles under Twilight. “Twily! I’ll catch you!”

Twilight attempted to articulate that he needed to lift up the ladder, or use his magic, but it just came out as a long series of squeaks and burbles, as she began to cry. Shining was still running around below, now yelling for help. Twilight knew it was useless; their parents were on the complete other side of the house, and they were rather deep sleepers to boot. Twilight saw herself as a baby, having to scream louder than any baby had ever screamed to get her parents’ attention.

It was then that she realized her entire life was flashing before her eyes. One of her hooves slipped off the edge, bringing a shocked yelp out of her. “I-I’m gonna fall!”

Shining spread his forelegs in the air and closed her eyes, hoping to Celestia that he would catch her safely. Both their hearts had turned into drums. Twilight, gathering all her strength, tried to lift herself up. Come on... Twilight thought.

Her other hoof suddenly slipped, and she began to fall.

She wasn’t even able to get a scream out as gravity overtook her, sending her plummeting. Her mind was a jumble. What what wait no no wait but cold cold but—

Even faster than she had started falling, she stopped. Her eyes were clenched shut. Oh I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead... She swallowed. Huh. Being dead doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.

Still shaking, she opened her eyes. Smiling down at her was a large brown unicorn. He had a curly white mane, which eventually descended into a beard, which covered Twilight’s entire body. He had a red-and-white hat on, which had a small ball of cotton that drifted behind him. He cradled her in his forelegs. Wind blew through both their manes.

With a thump, they landed in the snow. We... We were flying! B-But how? The stallion let Twilight jump out of his arms and onto the ground. Her legs shook, almost to the point where she thought they would buckle under her. “Thank you!” she exclaimed, turning to him. “T-Thank you, so much! You saved me!”

She scanned the stallion. He was rather skinny, but still wore a large red-and-white robe that matched his hat. He had a wide grin on his face. “Why, it was my pleasure, little filly!” he bellowed. “But you really should be more careful when standing on roofs!”

Twilight’s smile fell. Wait. No. No. It can’t be. He looks like...

“S-S-Santa Crops?!” Shining screamed from across the yard. With the speed of a cheetah, the colt sprinted up to the so-called Santa, and barreled into him with a hug. Twilight expected the stallion to react quite like the mall-Santa—but, much to her surprise, he simply embraced the hug, giving Shining an even bigger one. Her jaw dropped.

“Oh, Santa, I knew you were real!” Shining smirked at Twilight. “She didn’t believe! But I knew it!”

The pony nodded. “I know. After all, I do know whether you’ve been bad or good!”

“Have I been good?” Shining asked hopefully.

“Of course you have.” Santa patted the colt’s head. “Now—”

“S-Stranger danger!” Twilight yelped, jumping backwards. She had managed to gain control of her mouth long enough to yell out “Shining, get away from that pony! Get mom and dad!”

Shining shook his head. “Twily, Santa’s not a stranger!”

Santa winked. “But good on you for putting safety first.”

Twilight stamped her hoof. “But it can’t be possible! You’re not possible! I proved it!”

“Well, I’m not so sure about that one, Twilight Sparkle!”

A chill ran down her spine. She gulped. “F-Fine, then. Prove you’re Santa. Do something that only Santa could do!”

Santa scratched his bearded chin for a moment, lips pursed. “Hmmm... Oh!” He held out a hoof. His horn began to shine a bright-gold, and within the second, a shield appeared in his hoof. It was large and intricate, engraved with various depictions of dragons and suns. He hoofed it to Shining, who nearly fainted at the sight.

“A sh-shield!” Shining squealed. “It’s just what I asked for! Did you get my sword, too?”

Santa glanced at him. “You’ll poke your eye out!”

Twilight shook her head. “No, no, that doesn’t prove anything! That’s just simple teleportation magic!”

“I suppose you could say that. After all, I did just teleport it from my sled!”

“Your sled... Aha!” Twilight snapped. “If you’re really Santa, where are your reindeer? Huh?”

Santa opened his mouth to respond, but before he could make a sound, the sound of the gate to the backyard opening echoed through the night. The three ponies looked in its direction. Twilight’s eyes went wide. Shining fainted.

Walking into the yard was a real-live reindeer. His antlers were sharp and jagged, and reached into the air like hands. His coat was thick and fluffy. And he had a five-o’clock shadow. He grunted at Santa, not even regarding the foals. “Yo, boss, we leavin’ soon?” he said in a thick baritone. “‘Cuz Blitzen sharpened his antlers before we left, and you know how he gets...”

Santa nodded. “I’ll be just a minute more, Donner. I just need to finish up here.”

The reindeer grunted again and walked out. “A-yo, Blitzen, put Cupid down!” they could hear him yell.

Twilight’s lips moved wordlessly. Santa raised an eyebrow. “Do you believe me now?”

“I, buh, buh...” Twilight looked down at her hooves, ears drooping. That was when it hit her. Her head shot back up, plastered with a confident grin. “I-If you’re Santa, why aren’t you fat?! You’re way too skinny to be the real Santa!”

It was true; he was rather thin. He glanced down at himself, smiling. “Finally! Would you believe that you’re the first one to notice how much weight I’ve lost? I swear, the Mrs. simply does not appreciate the work I do!” He looked back up. “My blood sugar was getting the least bit too high, so I decided to go on a diet. And you can see the results!”

Twilight’s grin grew wider and wider with each word. “No, no! Santa is fat! You’re not fat! You aren’t Santa!”

“But, I—”

“I’m right!” Twilight laughed hysterically, eyes bloodshot. “I’m not crazy! All of you are crazy!”

Santa held up a hoof and opened his mouth to argue, but stopped. His lips curled into a smile. “It’s okay, Twilight.”

“Ha, ha... Huh? What’s okay?”

“It’s okay that you don’t believe in me. I can accept that.”

Twilight blinked, silent.

“Honestly, you believing in me? That’s not all that important. But, Twilight, I think you’ve gotten so caught up in proving to everyone that I’m not real, that you’ve lost sight of what Hearth’s Warming is truly about!”

“No, I haven’t!” Twilight insisted. “It’s about learning to come together with ponies, and not judge them! Like how the three pony tribes had to use their differences to work together.”

Santa nodded, laughing. “Very well said! Now, tell me: do you really, truly think you’ve been embodying those traits recently?”

Twilight didn’t answer, instead opting to look at the ground.

“That’s what I thought.” Santa took a few steps towards the filly, and laid a hoof upon her shoulder. “Twilight, in all my years, I’ve learned many things. But there’s one thing that always stays above the rest. Would you like to know what that is?”

Twilight sniffed. “What?”

“It’s that there are very few things in the world worth being angry about.” He smiled. “Now, do you really think that a joyous, wonderful holiday like Hearth’s Warming is one of them?”

Twilight stayed silent.

“Urg...” Shining groaned, lifting his now snow-covered head off the ground. “W-What happened? Is Santa still here?”

Santa chuckled. “That I am! But I must get going. The night is young, after all!” He helped Shining up off the ground, brushed him off, and gave him a pat on the head. “Have a wonderful Hearth’s Warming, you two.” He began to walk off.

Shining and Twilight stood together. “Bye, Santa Crops!” Shining called, waving. “We’ll never forget you!” Twilight just stared. After a few moments, a small smile crossed her face.

Santa looked back at them, winked, and walked out of sight.

There was silence. Shining gave Twilight a large hug. “I’m glad you’re safe, Twily. Now, why don’t we go check out the presents Santa left us?! I bet it’s midnight already!”

The two foals got up and began to walk to the back door. Shining had his shield draped over his back. Twilight, limbs feeling heavy, trudged after him. Her thoughts were racing a mile a minute, trying to deal with all that had just happened. Despite it all, she still wasn’t quite sure that it really had been Santa—who knew, really? But that wouldn’t stop her from taking his advice to heart. Her chest felt warm as they stepped inside.

They traveled to the living room, and nearly screamed. The room was packed with gifts. Light from the tree’s lights glinted off the wrapping paper, bathing the entire room in blazing golden colors. There were big boxes, little boxes, boxes of all sizes. The siblings stood slack-jawed for a moment, before Shining ran to the staircase, yelling “Mom! Dad! Wake up! Santa came, Santa came!”

Alone in the room, Twilight walked around, surveying the presents. There were quite a few for a Shining, her parents... but none for her, it seemed. She was losing hope, until she found one: a perfect sphere, sitting right under the tree.

Her heart skipped a beat. That size, that shape... It looks exactly like the Unicron Crystal I asked for! Grinning toothily, she grabbed the sphere and began to rip the wrapping off. Maybe he was real, after all!

The red plastic gave way, revealing an expanse of dark-black. Twilight’s smile began to fade. All the pictures had shown the crystal as being purple. Oh, well, it is a long-lost relic! Maybe the pictures are wrong. She kept unwrapping, until she held the cold, black sphere in her hoof. She stared at it blankly.

It was coal.

There was a pine-tree-shaped note on one side. She pulled it off and read.

Next year, try to refrain from pulling off ponies’ beards. Seriously, what was that about?

She stared at it for a few seconds before scowling and chucking it into the open fireplace. She crossed her forelegs and pouted. Yep. Santa’s definitely a fake.

Author's Note

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