I Almost Lost Everything

by Shanenator

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Sad
Length: 13217

Nightmare Moon. Discord. Chrysalis. Sombra. We faced them all, together. Always together. Yet in one heart-stopping moment, I almost lost everything. They don't know, but I do. It keeps me up at night. And it terrifies me beyond anything else.

Nightmare Moon. Discord. Chrysalis. Sombra. We faced them all, together. Always we were together. Yet in one heart-stopping moment, I almost lost everything. They don't know how close it was, but I do. I alone know what almost happened. The truth. And the truth about the truth? It keeps me up at night.

And it terrifies me beyond anything else this world can offer.

But at least I have my friends to make it all feel better.

This story takes place directly after the events of "Wonderbolts Academy." First-person from Rainbow Dash's perspective.

Sister story to Scattered Dust. Not a required read to understand this, the stories will intertwine but are both stand-alones.

Featured on Equestria Daily, 1/7/2013!

Surgeon General's Warning: Here be feels. You have been warned.

Thanks to Carpe Diem for pre-reading!

Published 2012-12-28 20:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-01 22:19:29 UTC

She reminds me how to laugh...

I Almost Lost Everything

Original concept written and edited by Shanenator

She Reminds Me How to Laugh…

*****

The ceiling.

That same old ceiling. White, fluffy, and made of clouds. It’s kinda boring, really. And yet…it’s familiar, and that’s reassuring. I’ve woken up countless times to see that ceiling. It’s almost like an old friend, though not nearly as dear to me as my actual friends. My friends…how I love them so. Yesterday, that sentiment was once again set in stone for eternity.

Yesterday…

Heh. Wow, was that a roller coaster of a day. I don’t think I’ve ever been so emotional. But not anymore! Nope, I’m done with all of that. The whole incident is over and done with and I’m more than happy to put it behind me and move on with my life. Today’s a new day, and I intend to seize it just like any other!

So then why do I feel so drained?

I dunno. I feel…thin. Like jam spread over too much toast or something. It’s almost like I’m living some sort of trance. There’s something…missing from my life right now. Something that was there before, but is now absent. What’s worse is that I can almost say what exactly it is that’s missing. It’s on the tip of my tongue! Why can’t I figure this out?

Well. I know who can.

If I’ve learned anything recently, it’s this: when I have a problem, who else do I turn to? My friends, of course! They’ll always be there for me, no matter what! They call me the Element of Loyalty, but they’re all just as loyal as I am. No doubts about it.

My friends…

How long has it been since we just hung out? Goofed off? Killed time just for the sake of being together and enjoying each other’s company? Too long, clearly.

That’s it. That’s the thing.

It’s been weeks since I’ve done anything fun with my friends. I mean, sure there was the picnic a couple days ago but that hardly even counts. We had to do SOMETHING for my return. That’s just that. No, I think I need to go and spend some quality time with my friends. Each and every one of them. One on one. They’ll help me figure out how to feel better. How to get back to living life to the fullest. Each and every day.

Time to go see what Pinkie Pie’s up to.

*****

~~Cue Pinkie Pie’s scene. Pinkie is in the bakery, just putting the finishing touches on a particularly delicious-looking set of cupcakes. Today is a very busy day, and there are a lot of orders to fill, so she is going to have to work all through the day. No parties or anything.~~

~~Aww, do I have to? I do? Lame. How super-duper boring. Anyways, back to the script.~~

~~This is a shame, seeing as how she really, REALLY wanted to go check on Rainbow. She’d been acting a bit strangely lately.~~

~~Wait, what? I’m not supposed to read this? Oh! Oopsies! No we don’t have to start over! You worry WAAAY too much! I’ll just draw a line through all of this! See? Nopony will even know! …What? Don’t give me that look. …Okay, okay, fine! I’m doing it! Gosh! Calm down.~~

Hip-hip-hooray for today!

It was a super-duper-splendiferous day! The kind of day where one wakes up and rolls out of the wrong side of bed! One just KNOWS it’s going to be good! Everypony knows that when one rolls out of bed on the right side, it will be a good day. The wrong side means a great day. But jumping out of bed and spinning around three times in mid-air? Oooooh. Better watch out. Then one knows that day is going to be a real doozy.

And not of the good kind.

Anyways, today was going to be great. How, I wasn’t exactly sure. After all, I can never know what exactly it is that will make my day great! All I know is that as long as I keep a smile on my face and keep being me, good things will come of their own accord! All I have to do is be Pinkie Pie! Which isn’t easy. After all, there are rules that have to be followed! Rules, I say!

But those are foal’s play.

Breakfast was delicious, as always. You can’t go wrong in a bakery! Although, I was a bit disappointed to hear that we had a huge order to fill. That meant we’d pretty much be baking all day. As much as I love to bake, it can get a wee bit boring after hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and…

Yeah.

Besides! That meant I couldn’t go and hang out with my friends! Which was REALLY a shame because poor wittle Dashie has been acting so down recently. I really really REALLY wanted to go and put a smile on her face today, because that’s what I love to do! Make ponies smile! Especially my bestest best friends.

Oh well, tomorrow’s always there.

I knew she’d appreciate it, too. Dashie and I are super-duper good friends! We do almost EVERYTHING together! I’m sure that after that super scary near-death experience, which despite being kinda fun was probably a bit upsetting for her, she’d like a nice smile or two. I can’t believe I never thought about that day from her perspective. I felt pretty bad about it…

But not anymore!

No saddie-waddie today, no sir! Today was a good day! A GREAT day! A day filled with sugar and chocolate and yummy smells! And, hey! Everypony loves Sugarcube Corner! I’m sure that at least one of my friends will come waltzing through those front doors looking for something sweet to eat. And boy, will I have just the thing for them!

So imagine my surprise when the UNLIKELIEST of ponies comes through that door.

We’d been open for just over an hour. As usual, the breakfast rush was busy, busy, busy! But it was nothing the Pinkster couldn’t handle! The usual trio of muffins for Ditzy (“Howdy-doo, Miss Doo!), a coffee and scone for Cheerilee (“Morning, Cheerilee! Have a great learning-filled day!), tea and crumpets for Time Turner (“Morning Timey! The usual, I take it?”), and an EXTRA dark coffee for dear Berry Punch (“Another wild night, eh? C’mon, Berry, let’s see a smile!”).

And so on, and so on, and so on.

I let out a sigh of relief as Bon-Bon stepped away from the counter, her breakfast in tow. That’s the last of them! As much as I love serving everypony breakfast, and wishing them a happ-happ-happy day, filling orders for half the town isn’t exactly easy. It has its perks, though. I take a long draught of my sweet hot chocolate, the sugary deliciousness giving me a boost to keep on tackling the day.

And that’s when the door jingled.

Again? But who else was left to get their usu-

“DASHIE!” I squeal in excitement as I rush over to her. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Maybe I get to make her smile today after all! I quickly pull her into one of my awesome, Pink-a-riffic hugs that I just KNOW everypony loves! Hugs make everything better, right? “Ooooh, I’m so happy to see you! Glad to see that you’re not mopey-doping around your house all day!”

A mumble.

“What’s that?” I ask, releasing her from my oh-so-gentle grip. Rainbow pulls away, her face beet-red. She appears to be a bit out of breath. I wonder why that suddenly happened? She was fine a moment ago…

“Heh…heh…hey, Pinks. How’s it going?” she asks as soon as she’s recovered.

“Just GREAT!” I reply happily. “The breakfast rush is my favorite time of day, and today’s has been particularly great!” Wait…was that actually true? “Or…maybe my favorite time’s the lunch bustle…or maybe the dinnertime crunch?” I screw up my face in concentration, trying to determine WHICH time exactly was my favorite. But they’re all so great…

Rainbow laughed.

It was great to hear her laugh. It’s been far too long since I’ve heard that laugh come so easily. So happily. So free of cares and worries. “That’s great, Pinkie. Glad to hear it.”

I happily skip back to my place at the counter. “So, what brings you to Sugarcube Corner this early? Looking for some goodies?” I chirp, waggling my eyebrows. “Cuz ain’t nopony bakes the goodies like we do! They’re simply Pinkie-licious!”

Rainbow laughs again.

“I know they are, Pinkie. It’s been too long since I’ve stopped by. I can’t decide what I want, though. Why don’t you surprise me?”

“Hmm…” I hum thoughtfully. What’s the perfect treat for Rainbow right now? Tricky, tricky, tricky… I hold up my forehooves in a slightly square shape, as if I was looking at a picture of Rainbow. Sticking my tongue out and closing one eye in concentration, I size her up. Everypony has just the right treat to make them happy, one just has to know these things! Better be…

Rainbow smiles again, clearly trying not to laugh.

Heehee! I guess she’s enjoying my usual Pinkariffic antics. Everypony does! That’s why everypony loves Pinkie Pie! Even me! See? All I gotta do is be myself and good things will come! “Ah-ha!” I declare dramatically. “I’ve got just the thing…” I dash (teehee!) into the kitchens, intent on finding just the right delectable delight for my dear prismatic friend. I swiftly snatch up the desired pastry and skedaddle right back over to the counter.

“Ta-da! I present to you, your breakfast!” I exclaim dramatically, taking a deep bow and holding out the selected treat, of course donning my classic mustache in the process. The dessert in question was a vanilla cupcake with rainbow icing.

Rainbow Dash’s favorite.

I could sense her smile even without opening my eyes. “Aww yeah! Now that’s what I’m talking about!” She deftly swipes the cupcake and takes an appreciative bite out of it. “Thanks, Pinkie. You always know how to make me feel better.”

“No problem-o Dashie!” I respond happily. “What are bestest best friends for?” I start to hop back into the kitchens. “So!” I call out. “Anything else I can do for you?”

“Actually…” she begins but trails off.

Uh oh. Initiate happy time procedures.

“Daaashiiiie,” I call dramatically. “You’re not still hung up about the whole ‘tornado incident’ are you? Do I need to do my super-awesome rendition of how the super-awesome Rainbow Dash super-awesomely saves us all again? Hmm?” I finish as I press my face up into hers.

Huh. I could’ve sworn I was just in the kitchens…

Rainbow blushes a bit and backs away a pace. “Wha? Er, uh, no…” she stammers as she backs away, clearly as surprised as I am at my sudden appearance. “No…” she repeats. “I’m over that. It’s fine. But…” She looks at the floor, idly scuffing it with a forehoof.

“Yeeeees?” I inquire, blinking my eyes outrageously.

“I was just wondering…you wanna hang out today?” she asks rather quickly and with a trace of uncertainty in her voice. Even her eyes seem a bit unsure. Why that is, I can’t possibly fathom. Clearly, she’s gone and done it again. Worked herself up into some wacky emotional state where she can’t even ask to hang out without acting all weird!

There’s only one solution.

“Oooof COURSE we can!” I cheer as loudly as I can, throwing my forehooves into the air. “It’ll be SOOO much fun! It’s been way too long since the two of us just kicked back and goofed off.” I finish with a smile. Rainbow let out a soft sigh of relief. Wow, she’s really out of it. Nothing a day with the Master of Pink can’t fix!

“Although…” I add coyly, smirking slightly.

“Yes?” Rainbow asks, looking suddenly nervous again.

“There’s just one teensy-weensy little thing…”

“Uh huh…”

“That might have to be taken care of…”

I stare right into her eyes waiting for a reply. Evidently she is as well. That’s okay, though, I love staring contests! Rainbow, however, tends to dislike them. Growing impatient, she frowns and says, “well?”

“Oh, right,” I say nonchalantly. “We have this super-duper-mega huge order of cupcakes to fill today, so I have to bake bake bake! But I could REALLY use an extra hoof or two. Whaddaya say, Dashie? You up to the baking challenge?” I ask, waggling my eyebrows ridiculously yet again.

And the Rainbow I know and love is back.

Puffing out her chest pridefully, she locks her fiery gaze with mine. “Hah! There isn’t a challenge in the world I’d back down from! Lead the way, Pinkie!”

“Okie dokie lokie!” I chant as I once again begin to hop back into the kitchens. As we enter, the smell of deliciously fresh baked goods immediately assaults our senses. One could practically taste the sugar by sticking their tongue out and going ‘aaaah.’

Which I did. It was delicious.

Mr. and Mrs. Cake were busily hustling about the kitchen, too distracted by filling our various orders to pay us any mind. As long as I was here and working, they didn’t really care what I did. “Dashie,” I ask as I stride over to the counter and start gathering ingredients. “Have you ever even made cupcakes before?”

“Uh…” Rainbow pauses and flushes red again. “No…” she mumbles in defeat. “But hey! It can’t be too hard to learn! I’ve got you to teach me, and you’re the best around! Besides, I never back down from a challenge!” she finishes, puffing out her chest once again.

I giggle in reply. She’s so cute when she does that.

“Well, that’s true and all, but it still takes years of practice to make the perfect cupcake! I remember when mine used to blow up! Those were the days…” Rainbow suddenly took on a rather alarmed look.

“Well, I, uh…I’ll bet I can figure it out. No problem! Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it!” she declared confidently. Or at least, she attempted to be confident. I could tell she was a bit rattled at the moment.

Time to test the waters.

“Hmm…I dunno, Dashie. You don’t really seem the baking type to me. Are you sure you don’t wanna just hang out tomorrow when I’m free?”

“No!” she blurts. I raise an eyebrow. She realizes her mistake and quickly tries to backpedal, blushing furiously all the while. “I mean, uh, I was…really hoping we could hang today…”

Well that settles it. She needs me right now.

And what kind of friend would I be to abandon her? “Okie dokie lokie!” I cheer. “It’s not too hard anyways. All right, the first step to baking a super-duper scrumptious cupcake is…”

*****

“Hey Pinkie?”

“Yeah?”

“How much sugar did you say the recipe called for?”

“Two cups, Dashie! Gotta make them goodies nice and sweet!”

“Oh, ponyfeathers…” I heard her mutter under her breath. Undoubtedly she made some sort of mistake.

“Oh, don’t worry about it Dashie, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” I console her as I stride over to her mixing bowl. I dip my hoof into the batter to give it a taste. “Here, I’ll help you figure out how to fix it.”

Oh sweet Celestia help me it cannot be saved.

I must’ve made a face, because Rainbow instantly looked worried. “That bad, huh?” she asks glumly.

“Dashie…” I say calmly. “Where’s the sugar that you used?” She points to the source of her ‘sugar.’ “Dashie…that’s the salt.”

“Oh.”

A few seconds passed where we just stared at each other. “I knew that,” she suddenly continues. “I was just showing you how not to make a cupcake,” she finishes with a sly grin.

My grin soon matches hers, and pretty soon we’re practically rolling on the floor, tears of laughter streaming from our eyes.

Just two friends sharing a wonderful time together.

*****

*FWOOMPH*

White. White everywhere. Why is everything white?

“Achoo! Eheh…sorry, Pinks…” Oh. That would be why.

“Dashie,” I say calmly. “Did you just spill an entire bag of flour in my kitchen?”

“Um…yes? Look, I’m really sor-”

I cut her off with my frantic laughter. “Heeheeheehaha! Oh, Dashie, that is soooo FUNNY! I’ve forgotten how clumsy you can be! Hahahaha!” Rainbow looks to me in confusion. I guess it makes sense. She spills a whole bag of flour and here I am laughing like a maniac. However, seeing Rainbow’s coat and mane covered in white only makes me laugh harder.

“Oh! Ohoho! Dashie..you…y-you look like a ghost! Haaahahaha!”

Rainbow looks down at herself and cracks a smile. The smile slowly evolves into a snicker. Then a chuckle. Then it turns into a snicuckle, which is like a combination of the two. Not long after that, she’s laughing just as hard as I am.

Here we are, standing in the middle of the kitchen where we’re supposed to be making cupcakes, covered in flour, being totally unproductive, and just laughing our flanks off. We just laugh. And laugh.

And laugh.

*****

*FWOOSH! CHOOF CHOOF FWOOOSH!*

I carefully set down the fire extinguisher and turn to face a rather sheepish-looking blue pegasus. “And that,” I say gravely, “is why you never leave your cupcakes unattended.”

“But you walk away from them all the time! I watch you! You practically never keep an eye on your baked goods!” she protests.

“That is because I, dear Rainbow Dash, am a professional.” I smile smugly.

“Oh yeah?” she retorts. Suddenly, she takes on a rather wolfish grin. “Well, it’s a good thing I just so happen to be a professional at wiping smug grins off of pony’s faces! C’mere, you!” I release a squeal of delight and take off, barreling around the corner to hopeful freedom. However, Rainbow is hot on my hooves.

“Can’t catch me! Can’t catch me! Nananana!” I taunt playfully, turning around and sticking my tongue out at her.

“I can and I will! Get back here!”

“Never!”

Laughter echoed through the building as we rushed about helter-skelter, as well as the constant thudding of hoofsteps.

*****

“Hey! I did it! And they’re not burned!” Rainbow Dash declares excitedly as she holds up a tray of piping hot cupcakes, fresh from the oven. The grin on her face extends almost from ear to ear.

“That’s great Dashie! Mmm, they smell delicious! Wonder how they taste?” I muse, tapping my chin with a forehoof in thought.

“Uhh…hopefully alright…I think I did this one right,” Rainbow answered hesitantly. “Maybe I should…try one?”

“Already got it covered!” I declare, grabbing a cupcake and popping it into my mouth. Yes, it’s hot, but I AM a professional. I’ve taste tested more goods than anypony in town probably! I chew the cupcake slowly, taking my time in evaluating its flavor, texture, and fluffiness. Eventually, I gulp it down. Rainbow is looking at me quite anxiously, eager for approval.

I am proud that I was able to maintain a straight face.

“Rainbow…how much butter did you use?”

“Uhh…well, I added as much as you said, but then I added a bit more because the batter didn’t look the right color. I thought I might’ve misheard you. So, I made it golden yellow, like it looks now. See?” She held up the cupcake tin as an example.

“Dashie…the batter changes color in the oven. Also, cupcakes aren’t supposed to ooze when you bite into them.”

Rainbow made a face before sighing in defeat and dumping the cupcakes into the trash bin. “Well. You learn something new every day.”

I snicker. “Oh, goodness. You’re too funny, Rainbow Dash! Adding too much butter to change the color of the batter…PRICELESS!”

Once again, I find myself rolling on the floor with laughter along with my bestest best friend.

*****

“How do these ones look?”

“They look great, Dashie! And as long as you followed the recipe EXACTLY, they’ll taste great too! Now, the only thing they need is the icing!”

“Icing?” she asks, a nervous look taking over her features.

*****

“Well…I tried to make it rainbow-colored like you always do, but…” Rainbow trails off, sheepishly examining her…creation.

“Well…it’s not TOO bad…” I try to console her. “It’s just…it needs a little more…umm…yeah, okay, it’s bad,” I finish. I’m sorry but…very few ponies will eat a cupcake that just looks like it got puked on. “At least we can tell them that it’s not ACTUALLY puke flavor!”

Our laughter reverberated throughout the building for several minutes.

*****

“Ta-da! I finally did it! Told you I could!” Rainbow Dash announces proudly, holding up her latest confectionary creation. And sure enough, it actually looked quite tasty! The cake itself was golden brown on top, and the rainbow-colored icing was swirled above it quite nicely. Sure it could’ve been a little bit more precise but not bad at all for a newbie!

“That looks great, Dashie! Box them up and put them with the others. We’ll be done with this order in no time! I knew it was a good idea to have you stay!”

Rainbow Dash swells with happiness, a wide smile gracing her features.

*****

“Phew!” I say, wiping the sweat from my brow with a forehoof. “That’s the last of them! Boy, that sure did take a long time.” I look down at myself. “And one can certainly tell I’ve been in the kitchen all day!” I glance over at Rainbow Dash. She, too, is covered head to hoof in flour and stray specks of chocolate and icing. “Guess it’s time to go wash up, hmm?”

Rainbow Dash flashes me a wolfish grin. “Oh, I have a waaay more fun idea…”

*****

“CANNONBALL!” I shout as loud as I can as I plummet into the lake. A loud splash follows, as well as the sweet sound of Rainbow Dash’s laughter as soon as my head breaches the surface of the cool water.

“Good one, Pinks! Nine out of ten!”

I giggle and wave back to her before gazing off into the distance distractedly. The sun is just starting its descent to beyond the horizon, painting the sky a beautiful collection of red and orange hues. I take a moment or two to examine such a marvelous sight, briefly comparing the rainbow in the sky to the rainbow in my friend’s mane. Ponies sometimes think that I’m only crazy about parties, but hey, I can appreciate the finer things in life too.

Like a sunset that reminds me of my best friend.

I quickly wash away the signs of the day’s toil and swim over to the edge of the lake. I hoist myself out of the water and take a seat on the bank, trailing my back hooves in the still, warm water, watching the ripples spread slowly over its glassy surface. The rainbow of colors in the sky is reflected on the water as well.

Everywhere I look, rainbow.

I quickly shake myself off in an attempt to dry my soaking wet fur and currently straight mane. It doesn’t work too well, but it was fun nonetheless. A splashing sound nearby signals that Rainbow is pulling herself up next to me. A cheeky grin later, and she’s shaking herself dry as well, of course mostly undoing my previous attempts to get dry. “Ack! Rainbow, stop! Teehee!” I giggle as I shield my face from the oncoming deluge of water. Rainbow simply laughs harder, and is eventually forced to stop by her own convulsions of glee. Eventually we quiet down and turn to look at the sunset once more.

In the silence we sit, admiring the view. Enjoying our friendship.

“Pinkie…” she begins.

“Yes, Dashie?”

“Thanks…for everything.” I turn to give her a look of confusion. “For being so understanding yesterday,” she clarifies. “I didn’t see it then, but now I know how badly I needed you guys. And…you were there for me. To understand. To help me see. To make everything better. I just wanted to say thank you.

“Thank you for being such a great friend.”

I felt my eyes tear up slightly. No! No tears now! Only happ-happ-happy smiles! “Awww, Dashie, that’s so sweet,” I say excitedly, pulling my best friend into another one of my oh-so-gentle hugs. “But you know we’ll always be there for you, no matter what! Just like you would do for us. Right?” I release her and look into her magenta eyes.

“Right,” she replies, and I can see the fire in the depths of those rose orbs. See the conviction. The determination.

The loyalty.

“That’s the Dashie I know!” I cheer happily, grinning widely.

She grins back. “And thanks for letting me hang out today, too. I had a great time. Honestly, I really needed that.” She sighs and leans back a bit. “It’s been far too long since I’ve had a day like that…”

I sense her hesitation and immediately jump on it. “Who says it has to end now?” I say cheekily.

She turns to give me a confused look. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“I meaaaan,” I say, drawing out the last word for emphasis. “That you and I are going back to Sugarcube Corner! I have plans!”

Her eyes light up in excitement. “Okay! I’m down for a surprise! Race you there?” she asks coyly, her body coiled like a spring, ready to leap off at a moment’s notice.

“Hmmm…” I hum thoughtfully, tapping my chin with a forehoof as I pretend to consider her request. “Nah! PAYBACK!” I shout as I suddenly leap forward and shove Rainbow back into the lake. She yelps in surprise but somehow manages to grab my foreleg and drag me in with her.

Soon our laughter and all-out splash war is all that can be heard.

*****

“So Pinkie, what kind of ‘plans’ are we talking about?” Rainbow asks as we step into my room. Well, I’m bouncing, but it’s more or less the same thing.

Right?

I giggle in response, both at her anticipation and at the memory of our return walk through town. We probably looked pretty silly, both dripping wet and giggling like maniacs the entire way. We passed Rarity as we went, who simply rolled her eyes and chuckled at our antics. But who cares? Silly is fun!

“Oh, you know, only your most favoritest of favorite games…” I trail off as I start digging around in my closet. “Ta-da! Here it is!” I exclaim, holding up a box. Her eyes widen as she beholds the object clutched in my forehooves.

“Oh, it. Is. On.”

*****

“Left foreleg to red! Oh, ponyfeathers, it had to be that!” Rainbow Dash groans as the spinner stops moving.

I giggle from underneath her. “Uh oh, Dashie! Looks like this might be it!” I tease as I deftly place my left forehoof on a red circle, maintaining perfect balance all the while.

“No way! I…I’ve got this! Just…gimme a…second…” she says slowly, her face scrunched in concentration. Slowly but surely, her left foreleg inches its way off of the mat and begins to move towards a red dot. I can hear her panting in exertion as she struggles to maintain her balance.

Then I get the idea. A wonderful idea.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I begin to lift my head so that my frizzy pink mane begins to contact her soft blue underbelly fur. Grinning coyly, I begin to shake it. “Pfft! Hahaha! Pinkie...s-stop it! I c-can’t focus! Hahaha!” She laughs manically as I continue to tickle her. Her left forehoof slams back down onto the green circle it was previously resting on, restoring her balance.

“Pinkie…c-c’mon…that’s cheating! Hahahaha!”

“Oh, fine,” I pretend to huff in annoyance. “I’ll stop.”

“Thank you,” Rainbow Dash manages once she calms down. Slowly, her left forehoof once again begins to lift into the air. Grinning maniacally to myself, I resume my prior assault with no mercy. I shoot my head up into her stomach, immediately thrashing about to get the desired effect.

“Gootchie gootchie goo!”

“ACK!” Rainbow yelps in surprise. “P-Pinkie! I c-can’t…woooaah!” It was then that Rainbow’s stoic efforts to remain standing were exhausted, and she came crashing down onto me, who in turn fell to the floor. We both groan in pain and have to take a moment or two to return to our senses, but soon I start giggling uncontrollably.

“Looks like we both lose!” I manage between laughs. I see Rainbow shoot a glare at me, but soon she’s laughing too.

Nothing can keep our spirits down right now.

*****

“What’s that, Gummy? You want Queens? Rats! That’s all I had left!” I make a show of angrily shoving my hand of three cards at my pet toothless alligator, which join the entire deck spread on the floor before him. “Wow, Gummy. You win again! You’re just too good at ‘Go Fish’!” Rainbow Dash seems to be cracking up, hiding her obvious smile with a hoof.

I don’t understand what’s so funny. Losing isn’t THAT amusing.

I huff in annoyance and cross my forelegs. “C’mon Dashie, let’s go play a game that Gummy’s not so good at…”

*****

The two of us stood just outside the door of Sugarcube Corner, admiring Luna’s impressive night sky together. By now it was quite late, and although today had been super-duper great, just as I knew it would be, Rainbow has to get home now.

“Pinkie…” she says softly.

I turn to face her, and was slightly surprised to see fresh tears glistening on her face. “Yes, Dashie?”

“I…know I’ve said this a lot, but…thanks. For being there for me. Both today and yesterday.”

I simply smile. “Of course, Rainbow Dash. Don’t think I couldn’t tell that you needed me. C’mere, you.” I spread my forelegs wide, inviting her into a hug.

A gesture that she eagerly accepts.

As we pull away, I look her straight in the eyes. “You had fun today, didn’t you?”

Rainbow nods vigorously. “Oh yeah! I had a blast! I…really needed that, honestly. I didn’t quite wake up feeling like myself…”

I raise an eyebrow. “But better now?”

“Much better,” she agrees. She then lets out a soft sigh and ruffles her wings slightly in preparation for flight. “But now it’s late. I think we both need some rest after today,” she adds with a chuckle.

I grin toothily. “Will I be seeing you tomorrow?”

She pauses to consider that. “Not for too long, probably. I have…plans.”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” I chirp happily in response. “Just stop by again whenever you can!”

“Trust me, I will.” She pauses to look me in the eyes one last time and smiles. It wasn’t a particularly wide smile, but boy was it genuine. Even I can’t always smile like that.

“I’ll see ya round, Pinks.”

“See ya!”

And with that last statement, and a powerful stroke of her wings, she’s rapidly disappearing into the night sky.

*****

Today had been great.

It was exactly what I needed. Hanging out with Pinkie, it’s easy for one to forget all the troubles they have. You just fall into the moment, completely unable to consider the world outside of that which you are currently sharing with her. Her joy, her laugher, her love of life…it’s all so infectious.

I’m glad some of that spread to me.

It felt good to laugh again. To be careless. Pinkie serves as a constant reminder of why life is great. Why MY life is great. To be friends with her…it’s truly a gift. One that I will treasure forever.

One that will never stop giving.

I realize now that some of that dull emptiness I felt this morning has faded away, and replaced by a warm fuzziness. Although I still don’t feel one hundred percent, it’s comforting to know that my actions today have helped get me back on track to the way I once was. Before I almost lost everything.

Now I can gain it all back.

As I step into my cloud home, I realize that I’m actually quite hungry. Moving almost on autopilot, I hardly notice as I mechanically make a sandwich and then hungrily wolf it down. Boy, am I tired after today. So tired that I hardly notice as I go through my nightly routine. All I can think about right now is my nice, soft bed. Eventually, at long last, I flop down onto it, and find myself looking upon a familiar sight.

The ceiling.

That same old puffy white cloud ceiling. As I stare at it, I reflect upon just how different my life was the last time I did this. What had been different? Oh, right. I didn’t have the awesome memories of today. Those fantastic memories of hanging with Pinkie Pie.

The day I was reminded how to just let loose and laugh without a care in the world.

I was struck by a sudden inspiration. If I were to be asked, I wouldn’t really be able to explain why I did what I did next. First I climbed out of bed. After a bit of digging through my broom closet, I found what I was looking for.

It was a bucket of pink paint.

Without really thinking, I pried off the lid, dipped my hoof into the delightfully bright pink paint, and smeared my hoof across the ceiling directly over my bed. Not so much that it would drip, but just enough paint to leave a visible pink streak. Satisfied with my work, I washed my hooves, put the paint away, and climbed back into bed. Soon enough, I found myself staring at that patch of ceiling yet again. Now it has a definite pink streak. A constant reminder of today’s events.

Now I will never forget how to laugh.

A single tear falls from my eyes as I stare at the ceiling and smile. If the ceiling was an old friend before, now it’s an incarnation of one of my actual best friends. All it needed now was a few more colors…

I think I’ll pay Fluttershy a visit tomorrow.

Author's Note

Phew!

Wow, what a ride this has been. It's been like, what, three months in the making? Ridiculous. I'm sorry it took so long, I really am, but this is my serious story. The one where I feel obligated to step it up a level. To maintain that level of quality that it originally held (apparently EQD-worthy). It takes me time to write this, and once I have I don't feel happy with it. So! This is pretty much the result of an entire month's worth of solid work. This, I feel, is some of my best writing. Have it at, folks. Honest feedback is always genuinely appreciated and actively encouraged.

Speaking of EQD, I know it originally said 'complete,' but after getting all your wonderful responses I was inspired to continue. I think you all can see where this is going by now. There should be four more chapters. I don't intend to change that submission, but yeah that's the plan. Thanks again for all your support.

Cheers!
Shanenator

And it terrifies me...

I Almost Lost Everything

Original concept written and edited by Shanenator

Preread by Carpe Diem

*****

The ceiling.

I wonder what it would be like to be the ceiling? Nice and sturdy and, well, blue. I’d just sit around all day and all night, watching the room I’m a part of. Doing nothing, nothing at all. Would I be bored? Would I be lonely? I’d have the walls and floor to keep me company, I suppose. That and the furniture. We could be the best group of friends this side of Equestria, just hanging out together until the end of our days.

Always together.

Wow, just look at me. I must be desperate. That or delusional. I’m not sure which at this point. Dreaming about being a ceiling? How lame. How totally not awesome. Hay, how totally not even sane. Is that what I am now? Insane? I honestly don’t know. After today…I just don’t know anymore. But hey, at least as the ceiling doesn’t have to put up with the pain.

It will never know the pain I feel.

I’ve hit an all-time low. Lower than the Best Young Fliers Competition. Lower than Gilda. Lower than Mare-Do-Well. Hay, even lower than Discord. At least then I knew what it was that I wanted. And they were there to give it to me. To stride for it with me. And I was there for them. Always there, always together. So what’s different this time? What is it that I want?

I want this to never happen again.

Is that it then? Now that I’ve come to that realization, can I finally get some rest? Don’t get me wrong: I’m utterly exhausted. Anypony would be, after a day like today. Spitfire sure knows how to work us nearly to death. All eight of us. Well, seven now I guess.

Lightning Dust.

It was HER fault! She did it! …No. It wasn’t really her fault. It was an accident that’s what. Is that what makes this different then? Before, when I thought all was lost, we had a reason for it. A tangible source of danger and distress. But this? This was just an accident. An unexpected event that was the consequence of an entirely coincidental chain of events. It could’ve happened before, and it can happen again. There’s nothing any of us can do to stop it.

And that’s what terrifies me.

What if I hadn’t been fast enough? What if I hadn’t seen it? What would’ve happened then? Do they realize how close it was? Would they be…?

No.

Don’t go there. Don’t EVER go there. No ‘what if’s. No good ever comes of ‘what if’s. That’s what Twilight said to me once, and I’m sticking to it. Simple as that. She had to learn that lesson the hard way, too. But ponyfeathers! These dumb ‘what if’s are driving me crazy! They’re the reason I can’t sleep. I can’t help it. Time seemed to slow down. I saw them moving but slowly, as though they were falling through a crystal clear lake, sinking slowly into the depths.

I see it over and over again.

I saw our time together flash before my eyes, as though I was the one in mortal peril and not them. I don’t think I’ve ever flown so fast in my life. I’m surprised I didn’t do a Sonic Rainboom. Too much turning, probably. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared, either. I’m surprised my heart kept beating strongly enough to allow such panicked flight. To think of all the enemies we’ve faced, all the dangers we’ve braved, all the risks we’ve taken, and this is what turns my knees to jelly and locks my wings?

What…w-what if…

Oh, for the love of…look at me I’m crying now. ME. Of all ponies. And over what? A silly accident. Ponies think I’m tough. They think I’m made of sterner stuff. And yeah, they’re right. For the most part. It takes a lot to get me emotional; I’m usually not into that mushy stuff. That’s Rarity’s business. But now? I think my heart is tearing itself apart. It hurts inside…it really does. I couldn’t stop the tears even if I wanted to. For like the fourth time today. Honestly, I’m surprised I still have any tears left to cry.

All over some dumb accident…

No, it wasn’t her fault. She just wanted to get the job done. Do I blame her for it? Maybe. Do I hate her for it? …No, I don’t think so. It was just an accident after all. She got what she deserved. Will I ever see her again? Probably. She’ll be back next year, no doubts about it. And if she comes back with a better attitude, she’ll get in for sure. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be good friends someday.

But enough about her.

My friends…my good friends. Oh how I love them so. Have I told them that? Do they know? If I hadn’t been fast enough…would it have been too late? Would they have gone, never knowing the truth? There: the stupid ‘what if’s again. I’ve got to learn to let them go. Unlike some things. I’ll never let my friends go. I know where my true friendships lie.

Where my loyalties lie…

My friends. When do I get to see them again? I know it was just a few hours ago, but I feel like I haven’t seen them in forever. I was most reluctant to let them go. To let them leave my sight. What if something else happened? What if there was another accident? Who would save them then? Who’s to say that I’m not going to wake up tomorrow and find a formal letter from the Princess herself? To my faithful subject, Rainbow Dash: it is with the utmost regret and sorrow that I must inform you of…

Get a hold of yourself, Rainbow!

That didn’t happen. You know that. Pinkie’s letter is right there on the bedside table, along with my goggles and golden lead pony badge. She wrote right away, telling me that they were all safe. I wrote right back. I’ll slap myself a couple of times across the face. Hopefully now I can focus my thoughts. The pain feels good. Better than the pain I feel inside. That which reminds me of what almost happened. Almost. Closer than they care to know, I think. There’s the badge again. If it had happened, would that be enough?

Would the Wonderbolts sustain me?

No, Rainbow, no! Don’t think like that! Your friends wouldn’t want it, regardless of the outcome. Oh goodness, the outcome. It makes me sick just thinking about it. It was so close, so unbelievably close. I think I’ve thanked Celestia like a hundred times today. And I just did it again. A hundred and one times now, I suppose. I wonder if she can hear me?

I wonder if she knows how close.

I’m surprised Twilight didn’t ask about it. I don’t think she knows. Or maybe she does, I suppose it wouldn’t really surprise me. But the others wouldn’t. Must’ve been the shock of the moment. It probably didn’t even seem real to them. They probably don’t even remember it.

Or at least, not how I do.

Normally clouds are soft. Earth ponies and unicorns just fall right through, unless they have a spell on them of course. But if handled by a properly trained pegasus, which I just so happen to be, that can change. If the clouds are compressed densely enough, they can actually slow down the descent of an earth pony or unicorn. I’ve heard that it’s like falling through Jell-O. Speaking of which, that Jell-O in the care package sure was good, a little squashed though.

The care package I almost paid dearly for.

So I stopped their descent with some dense clouds. Or at least, slowed them down. It’s all part of the innate magic of pegasi, or so I was taught in Cloudsdale. Once that was done, all I had to do was let the clouds spring apart and bam! The release of momentum sent my friends catapulting into the arms of my fellow cadets, and safety. That’s all there was to it. But of course, pressing a bunch of clouds together isn’t an instantaneous task. It takes time.

Time which I almost ran out of.

Seriously. I don’t think they know how close it was. If they had hit those clouds just one or two seconds earlier, Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight would have punched out four pony-sized holes and kept on falling. I got those clouds compressed to the right density just in the nick of time. What would’ve happened if I hadn’t? Would I still have been able to save them, like when I saved Rarity and the others at the Best Young Fliers Competition?

Don’t think about that.

What matters is that they were safely brought back to the ground, and I could see them again. I could hug them. They were alive, and that was all that mattered. And then she had the nerve, no, the GALL to walk up and talk about how ‘awesome’ it was. Awesome my flank! Why I should’ve just…

Let her go.

It wasn’t her fault. She got what she deserved. She knows what I think of her. Maybe someday she’ll ask for forgiveness. Will I give it? …Yes, I think so. After all, it was just an accident. One that was prevented by me, just like all those other accidents I saved ponies from in Ponyville…

Only I’m not proud of this one.

No, I have no pride to speak of. Only relief. Sheer and utter relief. Relief unlike any I’ve ever felt before. My friends are safe, and that’s all that matters. So why can’t I fall asleep? Why won’t these restless thoughts settle? What must I do to get life back to normal? Or will life ever be the same again? Have I changed? Am I a different pony because of what happened today?

No, I’m still Rainbow Dash.

The one who wants to be a Wonderbolt. The one whose friends love her. The one who just saved their lives. I don’t think any of us will forget the events of today, especially not me. But I think it’s helped bring us closer. Today served as a reminder of just how fragile we are. And tomorrow…just another day of work, probably. Hard work. Is this still what I want? To train for the Wonderbolts?

For the second time today, I find myself asking that question.

Even if I have doubts, what would my friends say? Do they want me to give up? Do they want to see a quitter? No. No they don’t. I remember their faces after I told them, and how they offered their hearts to fill the void in mine. They wouldn’t want that either way. So tomorrow, I go back to work. The same goes for the rest of the week. That’s how long I’m stuck here: a week. That’s when I get to see my friends again. I’m looking forward to it. I’ll tell them all how I really feel. I don’t ever want to wonder again.

I’m not taking any more chances.

Yeah, I’ll see them soon…

*****

A beautiful day.

That’s what today is. Truly, Celestia’s outdone herself this time. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed the flight to Ponyville more than I am right now. The wind in my mane, the sun on my back, the gentle smell of freshly cut grass and crisp flowers drifting through my nostrils…although, my enjoyment could be due to different reasons. I’m looking forward to seeing my friends, I really am. After the events of last week, I feel giddy just thinking about the upcoming reunion.

So why am I so tired?

Sure, the week was exhausting. I don’t think any of my fellow cadets fared any better than I did. Most of them probably fared worse. Spitfire’s a slave driver, that’s for sure. But is it really physical exhaustion that’s bringing me down right now? No, I don’t think so. I think it’s more of a mental fatigue. Caused by what then? The accident? I don’t think so…

I hope not.

Honestly, I surprised myself. Thinking once again of my friends’ depressed faces after I told them I’d quit, of how they had hugged me close and tried not to cry themselves even though I felt like the world was crumbling around me…it gave me strength. I don’t want to see them like that again. So I pushed those troublesome thoughts from my mind and focused on the task at hoof. I finished the week strong, and if I’m honest with myself, I did good. I’ll probably be accepted into the Wonderbolts, just like I’ve always dreamed.

But I haven’t forgotten.

I will never forget what happened that day. Or more importantly, what almost happened. Almost…it’s such a stupid word sometimes. It’s almost as bad as those pesky ‘what if’s. Those ‘what if’s that have made my life so difficult recently. But it’s all about to be better. I’ll see my friends soon, those wonderful ponies whom I care for so deeply. Oh look, there’s my cloud home right now. And there, on the ground beneath it…

“HEEEEEEYY RAINBOW DASH!!”

I can’t help but smile. A nice, big smile too. There, waiting ever so faithfully beneath my cloudy fortress, are the five most important ponies in my life. And one particularly pink one, my best friend in the whole wide world, appears to be going crazy with excitement. Boy, can she shout. I beat my wings faster. I want to arrive with my usual pizzazz, you know? I swoop once around them, my tell-tale rainbow contrail streaming behind me, before I alight before them softly as a feather touching the ground.

They’re cheering. For me.

“Hey, Rainbow!”

“Hiya, RD!”

“Darling! So good to see you.”

“Glad you’re back, Rainbow.”

“YAAAY! Dashie’s back!”

And just like that, they’re all around me. The next few moments are a happy blur of cheerful comments, meaningful hugs, and excited questions. I hug each of them in turn, perhaps a tad tighter than usual. If they noticed, they didn’t show it. I wonder if I’ve ever been happier in my life. They ask me about the rest of the week I spent at the Academy. It was hard sure, but I feel like it was successful. I tell them that I’ll know if I got accepted within the month. They’re a bit disappointed, but still excited nonetheless.

Just as excited as I am.

“Really? It takes that long to process the results?” Twilight inquires incredulously.

“Apparently. Don’t sweat it, Twi. I’m sure I got in. It’s in the bag at this point. All I gotta do is wait a little bit longer.” I flash a smile as I finish that sentence. And it’s genuine; one of reassurance and pure delight.

A smile I’ve not given for at least a week.

“OOOH! I almost forgot! Now that Dashie’s back it’s time for a party! But we don’t need a big, huge, whole-town-is-invited party. I was just thinking of a little, just-us party! See? I’ve already got it all ready! I packed us sandwiches and drinks and cupcakes! It’ll be a PICNIC PARTY! YAAAY!!”

A party…just for me.

We all laugh at Pinkie’s outburst. She’s so full of energy…so full of happiness. It’s infectious. “You packed a picnic for my return? Aw, thanks Pinkie. It means a lot.”

“It was no problem at all, silly filly! Now, do you want one of these sandwiches or what?” she asked mischievously, spreading out the picnic blanket.

“Do I? I had to fly all the way here myself, you know. I’m starving!” And with that, the picnic began in earnest.

*****

The food was great.

Pinkie really was a good baker. Sure it wasn’t much, but to me it was some of the tastiest food I’ve ever had. It was special. It represented so much to me. A symbol of our friendship, and of the wonderful time that I’ve spent with them today. I’ll never forget this day either, but for different reasons. Today, I was reminded of who I am and where I belong.

Home.

Yes, I really was home. Home isn’t just where the house is; it’s where the heart is. And mine will always belong to these friends of mine, these five special ponies who I could never replace. Unbidden, my thoughts return to the accident of a week ago. An expression of pain must’ve crossed my features because Rarity suddenly gave me a funny look.

“Rainbow darling, are you quite alright? You suddenly looked rather…pained just a moment ago. Is there something you wish to tell us?”

“No!!”

Wow I blurted that out. Quite a bit more forcefully than I intended. Yup, and just like that the mood has changed. Way to go, Rainbow. Real smooth. All of my friends are now focused on me, their expressions a mix of concern and confusion. Better keep talking.

“No really, I’m fine. I’m just so glad to finally be back here with all of you. This last week has been pretty taxing. I’m looking forward to relaxing a bit. Just like we are now! It was so great of you guys to plan a picnic for me and all. Thanks a bunch, it really means a lot to me. I appreciate it.” I’m smiling again, trying to be as sincere as possible.

Trying to hide the pain.

It works though. They’re all smiling again, pleased at my gratitude. “Well shoot, RD. Ah didn’t take ya fer th’ touchy-feely type. Musta really missed us,” Applejack finished with a wink. Normally, I would protest vehemently at being called ‘touchy-feely.’ I have an image to maintain! But right now, I just shrug it off.

“Aw, gimme a break AJ. It’s been a long week. And yeah, I missed you guys. How could I not? You all mean the world to me, and I really mean that.” Their gazes soften at those words.

Those words I hope I’ve said enough.

“Well Ah reckon we all missed ya too. C’mere.” Oh yeah, group hug time! The words will never be caught leaving my mouth, but I really enjoy these close moments of ours. They’re special to me. I’ve wrapped my forelegs around as many of my friends as I can reach, and I’m squeezing them tightly. Perhaps a bit more tightly than usual, but this is the moment that I’ve been waiting for. For a whole week.

That wonderful moment of friendship.

“Uh, Rainbow? Y’all can let go now…” I open my eyes. When did I close them? And why are they all looking at me like that? Oh right…because it’s time to let go. I grin sheepishly and lower my forelegs. If my ignorance bothered them at all, they don’t say anything. I don’t say anything either. No need to talk about how I’m feeling right now…

About what almost happened.

Twilight suddenly clears her throat. She looks a bit nervous, like she does before a test or speech or something. I know that look well. It’s that look of ‘I hope you don’t disapprove of what I’m about to say.’ I involuntarily tense up. Please Celestia, don’t say what I think she’s about to say…

I can’t take that right now.

“Hey, Rainbow? I know that it was a week ago, but we didn’t really get a chance to say this…what with your tryouts and all. We didn’t want to distract you. But, uh…thanks. Thanks for saving our lives. What you did that day…it was really amazing. Just like you.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Thanks a bunch, RD.”

“We are most grateful for your actions darling.”

“We were all like AAAAH and you were all like ZOOOOM and everypony was all like YAAAY!”

Horseapples.

She said it. They said it. The one thing that I hoped to never talk about again. The one thing that I hoped to eventually forget. Sure, that’s probably like hoping to one day be a princess but a mare can dream, right? She’s all smiles though. They all are. It’s nothing to them. I’m sure they think it was no sweat at all. Just a regular old day for me, right? After all, I AM the awesomest pony around.

So why do I feel like crying?

Oh well, better play to their expectations. It’s been a few seconds too many, I should hurry up with that response. “Oh…y-yeah, i-it was no problem. No problem at all. Hehe…a piece of cake really. I’m s-sure anypony would’ve done the same, had they been in my…p-position…” Wow, I can’t even keep that stupid stutter under control. C’mon girl, keep it together. I can do this. No tears, just smiles.

Just playing it cool.

Oh goddesses. I can’t…I just can’t. The memory of that day springs back into my mind unbidden, clear as crystal. The sights. The flying. The emotion. I can’t help myself. I can’t even talk without revealing the pain right now. I’ve covered my eyes with a forehoof, trying to shield my tears from their gazes. But it’s no good.

They see my pain.

Their expressions have changed once again, twisting from grateful happiness to deep concern. Fluttershy, seated on my left, reaches out a hoof and rests it on my shoulder. “Rainbow…? Are you…um…okay?” Okay? Am I okay? My best friends almost plummet to their deaths and you ask me if I’m okay? Do I look okay? Do I feel okay?

“I’m fine!”

I can’t believe I just did that. I can’t believe I raised my voice at Fluttershy. I can’t believe I sounded angry. I can’t believe I just slapped her hoof away. Wow, I’m really losing it now. I’m a loose cannon. They all gasp at my reaction, and rightfully so. If they were concerned a moment ago, now they’re downright panicked.

I need to get out of here…

And fast. Time for some lame excuses. “Sorry guys, gotta go! Got some…weather stuff…to do. Yeah that’s it. I have to go meet with my boss, and I’m already late! Byeseeyaroundsomeothertime!”

Time to leave.

I pump my wings frantically, trying to gain altitude as fast as possible. Gotta outrun Fluttershy, the effective range of Twilight and Rarity’s magic, and whatever Pinkie might do. You never know with her. I took off from the ground so fast I’m surprised I haven’t done a Sonic Rainboom yet. They must’ve been taken totally by surprise, because they haven’t even tried to stop me. I hope I didn’t hurt any of them in my rapid takeoff, that was bound to create quite a substantial backwind. But I don’t look back.

I can’t look back.

I’m going…somewhere. I don’t know. Are those tears on my cheeks, or did I accidentally fly through a cloud? Who knows. Who cares. All I know right now is that I feel awful. Awful about last week. Awful about today. Awful about what I just did…I need to be alone for a while. I’m heading for the Everfree Forest right now. There’s always some nice clouds hanging out there. I softly land on a particularly fluffy patch and look around. Yep, well and truly alone now.

Where I can let the tears flow freely…

*****

The ceiling.

But not the same ceiling. Where before it was solid and blue, now it’s puffy and white. It’s made of cloud. Yes, I’m back in my own bed in my comfortable cloud home. It’s morning now, and gentle beams of sunlight are just starting to poke through my windows. I don’t remember when I got back. It had been quite late, late enough that my friends were not there anymore.

My friends…

I’m sure I’ll be seeing them soon enough. If I know them, and I do, they’ll come knocking at some point to figure out what the hay I was doing. What I was thinking. What I was feeling. Oh Celestia…what am I gonna say? What excuse can I use to justify my actions? Not very many, that’s for sure. But I don’t want to tell them the truth. I don’t want them to know.

I want to protect them from this pain.

The thought of losing them…any of them…it weighs heavily on me. Just lying in bed I feel like I’m being crushed. How am I going to move on? How am I supposed to go back to a normal life after what just happened? How am I supposed to let it go? I guess I can start by getting some breakfast. I haven’t eaten since…

The picnic.

Now that’s a subject of some internal conflict. I want to remember it because of how happy I was to see my friends. To remember that I’m loved and that I belong. But I also don’t want to remember it because of my actions. Because of how I left. It’s so confusing. These feelings…these events…and what I’m going to do next. I just don’t know…

Whatever.

I would cry right now, but I’m pretty much dry. I feel drained of energy. Suddenly, all my cares and worries concerning yesterday have lifted, and I actually find myself breathing easier. So what if my friends show up? I’ll let them in and apologize for yesterday, blaming it on stress and overexertion and whatnot. They’ll totally buy it. And if they don’t, I’ll resort to my usual stubborn self. That won’t be anything that surprises them. I’ll tell them how I really feel eventually.

Once I actually figure it out.

Throwing off my sheets, my body finally reacts to my desire for food. I don’t care for the bathroom and my appearances right now, it’s not like I’m going anywhere. I’ve stumbled into the kitchen and walk to the cupboards. Man, I am really not a morning pony. I should get a coffeemaker or something. Something to rejuvenate my energy. Ok, I think I should have some cereal around here somewhere…

There’s a knocking on the door.

This early? Wow. Ok, they are SERIOUSLY worried about me. The feelings of depression and guilt that so recently lifted suddenly come crashing back over me. I have to grab the counter to prevent my knees from buckling. Although, an early-morning faceplant would probably be less painful than the pain I feel inside right now. I suppose it’s finally time to face the music. Or make up excuses. Or maybe it’s just Derpy the mailmare, with an early morning delivery? I have been out of town for a while…

Only one way to find out.

After taking a quick moment to pull myself together, I weakly call out “coming!” and stagger over to the door. Drawing a deep breath, I open the front door. Sure enough, there are my five friends waiting for me, all standing on my cloud porch. Twilight obviously cast her cloud-walking spell on them. As I appear in the doorway, they simultaneously gasp and their initially concerned expressions become even more distressed.

What? I haven’t even said anything yet!

Oh right, my appearance. Which I failed to check in the mirror after rolling out of bed. If I had to guess, based on their reactions as well as recent events, I would say that my mane is disheveled, my coat is dirty and streaked, my wings are ruffled, my tail is frazzled, and my eyes are bloodshot from all the crying I did yesterday. Personally, I’m surprised Rarity is still conscious. She appears to be struggling. But anyways, normally I care a lot about my appearance, so this is just one more reason for them to be concerned. Great.

Just what I needed…

“Oh, hey guys. What’s up?” I mumble. Might as well try to play it cool. I DID just get out of bed, after all. I fake a yawn and blink blearily. “Sorry if I’m a bit out of sorts, but I just woke up. I slept like a log last night…” I chuckle a bit at that last comment. It isn’t very convincing.

“Rainbow…” Twilight began. She faltered briefly, but then looked me in the eye and spoke firmly. “We need to talk. Can we come in?”

Ponyfeathers.

Well I guess this is it then. There’s no escaping them now. At least, there shouldn’t be. The only thing that would do at this point is cause my friends to panic. And thinking back on previous events, panicking my friends could result in some very, very bad things. Explosions and hysteria come to mind.

So what do I say?

Do I tell the truth? Do I try to pin it on stress? Do I continue to be evasive? I still don’t want them to know. I fear for what that may cause. Might as well exhaust all options. If I do have to tell them, I’ll just do it nice and easy. Calmly explain what happened, and calmly talk about how I feel. Nothing to it. Oh, they’re all looking at me funny. I guess I should say something. Or do something.

I simply shrug and step back.

I return to the kitchen; I’m still starving and I know there’s some cereal hiding somewhere. Aha! Found it. I quickly pour myself a bowl and check the fridge for milk. There’s half a quart left and it smells…fine, actually. Whatever, I’ll buy more later. There’s also a mane brush in there, for some odd reason. Wow, I should really get more organized. Maybe Twilight can help. Shrugging, I give my mane and tail a quick brush. Might as well stop giving Rarity a heart attack.

The door softly closes.

I hear hoofsteps in my living room. I see where this is going. They’re willing to be patient. They’re willing to wait as long as they have to for my explanation. Wow, they really care. Those wonderful friends of mine…my vision blurs slightly. I quickly wipe the tears away and stride into the living room, cereal in tow. Still acting cool. Sure enough, all my friends are seated on the cloud couches, watching my every move intently.

Watching, and waiting.

I take a seat next to Applejack and take a bite of cereal. As I chew I look around the room at all my friends, trying to remain as nonchalant as possible. “Cloud walking spell?” I inquire, gesturing towards the cloud chair Twilight was currently seated in.

She nodded. “Of course, it’s a very simple spell.” Wow, small talk. They are willing to be very, very patient with me. I don’t think I’ll be able to outtalk them this time.

They really do care…

Another few bites of cereal to disguise my misting eyes. “Not gonna wear out is it?”

She shook her head. “Not a chance as long as I’m here.”

“Good…good.” Ok, this isn’t going to work. No point in saying anything else really. I quickly wolf down the rest of my cereal before setting the bowl aside and sighing contentedly. “Sorry guys, I was a bit hungry. Thanks for waiting.” Nopony says anything as I pause. “So…what are you all here for?”

Just keep playing it cool.

A few moments of silence pass. My friends glance about at each other, trying to reach an unspoken agreement of who should speak. Eventually, naturally, they settle on Twilight. She leans forward, looking me right in the eyes, tapping her forehooves together thoughtfully before finally speaking. “Rainbow…we’re worried about you. All of us have known you for quite some time, and we all agree that something is troubling you. You can’t hide that. We just want to help you.” She pauses.

I have nothing to say.

Eventually she continues. “The manner in which you left yesterday was…concerning. We searched all over, but couldn’t find you.”

They searched for me? Oh goddesses, don’t cry now…

“I hope you know that as your PFFs, you can tell us anything. Anything you want, and we will listen.”

C’mon Rainbow, gotta play it cool! I can’t cry now, I just can’t!

Twilight could see that she was affecting me, and she pressed on. “You’ve been there so many times for us, in our times of need. Just like last week. It’s only fair for us to return the favor for you.”

T-Twilight…s-stop being such a good f-friend…and don’t t-talk about last week…

“We need you to tell us what’s been bothering you. We’re not leaving until you do. And then we’re going to help you.”

“…”

“Please, Rainbow. We owe it to you.”

“I ALMOST LOST YOU!!”

Wow did I scream that loud. Wow am I crying right now. And wow…the looks on their faces. Utter disbelief, shock, and confusion. So much for calm I guess. Calm got the boot. Now my emotions are totally in control. Raging and boiling, there’s only one way for me to get control of them now: vent.

Vent big time.

“You don’t understand how c-close it was!” Tears are now streaming freely down my face. “When I saw you all f-falling, I thought I was g-going to have a heart attack! I’ve never b-been so s-scared in my life!” My friends look visibly upset by this. I don’t think any of them really considered what the experience had been like for me.

Considered the pain I felt.

“I had to p-pack those clouds! Densely enough to slow d-down your d-descent! And you know w-what? You know WHAT?! I d-did it in a frenzy! I was so s-scared! I p-probably set a cloud-p-packing record!” I’m sobbing uncontrollably now. I can’t stop it. It’s like a release valve containing my pressurized emotions suddenly burst. There’s just no stopping it.

I could never stop it.

“And it’s a g-good thing, too! If I had b-been just one second s-slower, if you had f-fallen one second s-sooner, it wouldn’t have b-been ready! You would’ve just f-fallen straight through! What would I have d-done then? Could I have still s-saved you? Or would you all be…all b-be…”

I can’t say it.

It hurts too much. My friends are hurting too now. All of them are crying, the tears dribbling down their cheeks. They never realized…they never even realized. Of course they didn’t! I was supposed to tell them this GENTLY! Seeing them upset makes me feel even more rotten. I start to cry harder. Words are becoming difficult. “Rainbow…it’s okay…” Twilight squeaks softly. She’s obviously trying hard to keep her voice under control, but she’s doing a remarkably good job.

Okay?

“No! It’s n-not OKAY!”

“Rainbow d-dear, really! C-calm down!” Rarity attempts to console me. The fact that she’s crying too doesn’t help.

“C-calm down? No! You all were j-just seconds away from…f-from…”

“Rainbow, we understand! But that didn’t happen! We’re all fine ‘n dandy now, an’ that’s what matters!” Applejack tries to loop a foreleg around my shoulders but I push her away. I don’t know why. I’m pretty incapable of coherent thought right now. I’m surprised I was even able to respond.

The pain is just too much.

“NO! I ALMOST LOST EVERYTHIIIHIIIHIIIHIIIING!!” My last word trails off into hysterical sobs. That’s all I’m capable of right now. The pain is just too great. My friends are upset too, they’re also weeping openly. But for themselves, or for me? Probably both.

The pain is everywhere now.

Ever so gracefully, Fluttershy glides over to me and pulls me into a fierce hug, sobbing quietly into my shoulder. This time, I don’t push her away. I gratefully return the gesture and wet her luxurious mane with my torrential sobbing. Applejack reaches over and grabs me, pulling me into a hug as well. Pinkie, Rarity, and Twilight soon join as well. So here we all are, standing in the middle of the room in a big hug crying our hearts out.

The pain…the pain…the pain…

But then, a new feeling begins to take root deep in my heart. It’s familiar, but I can’t quite place it. I’ve felt it before though, and recently. I suddenly realize what exactly it is. We’re in a group hug again.

That feeling…is that wonderful feeling of friendship.

I don’t know how long we stood there. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. I don’t think any of us cared. All that mattered was the hug. The strength of our friendship…despite all the tears and sobs and heart-wrenching pain, this hug was not broken. Our friendship was not broken.

It will never be broken.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally calmed down a bit. Sure I was still crying, but it wasn’t hysterical anymore. The pain wasn’t so bad. This hug…it was like a medicine for my very soul. It’s soothing yet passionate. My friends are calmer too. It’s like we’re all linked, and I’m the one controlling the level of emotion. Well I suppose that makes sense. But now what do I say?

How do I beat the pain, once and for all?

As I stand there, contemplating how to break the long, comfortable silence, somepony else beats me to it. The most unlikely pony. “Oh, Rainbow. You should know better than anypony not to live in the past. What matters is that you seized the moment, just like you always do. And you used the opportunity given you and your super awesomazing skills to do what needed to be done. We put our trust in you, and it was rewarded. Just like it always is. And don’t think you could chalk this up to stress and overexertion, we know you better than that. So chin up, Dashie! Those should be tears of joy, not tears of saddie-waddie!”

Pinkie Pie.

My best friend…how is it that she is so off-the-wall crazy, yet sometimes so wise? How did she know that I was originally planning to blame the stress of the week? I don’t think I’ll ever understand Pinkie. But then again, I’m not sure I want to. If I did, I would no longer be surprised by the things she does. And what’s the fun in that?

A chuckle.

I can’t help myself. The words that made me realize how foolish I was being, the words that reminded me of what’s really important, the words that finally pushed the pain away came from PINKIE PIE of all ponies.

I can’t stop the laughter.

Oh man does it feel good. It feels so wonderful to be here right now, happy in the embrace of my friends and laughing my troubles away. It’s not long before the rest of my friends begin to giggle, especially Pinkie. Soon we’re all standing in the middle of the room, not crying our hearts out but laughing the pain away. Just like we always do. I’m crying again, but this time they are not tears of pain.

They are tears of joy.

Eventually I quiet down again, and my friends follow suit. I release my grip and withdraw from the hug, sitting down heavily on the couch. My friends let me go. They know they did their job. They also sit back down in their spots, but now they’re all smiling. Smiling at me, waiting expectantly for me to speak. To tell them that it’s alright now. Many of them are wiping tears of laughter from the corners of their eyes. I do the same, and take a deep breath.

Time to speak from the heart.

“Guys, I…I’m sorry. I really am. I should’ve known better than to spend so much time reflecting on what could have happened. Now that I think back on it, it was a pretty stupid thing to do. I…I also want to thank you. Thank you for being such good friends, and for helping me see. I love you all so much, I hope you know that. Can you ever forgive me for being such a blockhead?”

Those smiles sure are intense.

Twilight, of course, is the one to respond. “Of course we can Rainbow. We love you too, you know. And we’re very thankful for what you’ve done for us, both last week and beyond. Hopefully now you know that no matter what troubles you, we’re here for you. We’re here to make it better.”

Like medicine for the soul.

I lean back and smile. Closing my eyes for a moment I reflect on these past few days. I finally open them and look around the room, searching for the right words. Eventually I find them. It’s like a great weight has been lifted from my heart. One might expect a big fancy speech or something, but that’s never been my cup of tea. Get right to the point, and get on with it. “Thank you, my friends. Thank you for everything.”

And just like that, the pain is finally gone.

Wordlessly, on an unspoken agreement, we all stand up once again and group hug in the middle of the room. No tears this time. No laughter. Just simple companionship and love. Further cementing our unbreakable bonds as best friends. When Celestia chose us to be the Elements of Harmony, she sure knew what she was doing.

A week ago, I almost lost everything, and the pain nearly destroyed me.

Today, the everything almost lost me, but it reached deep into the darkness to pull me out. To remind me of what is truly important. Even if I did lose my friends, which eventually I probably will, there is no need to wallow in pity and self-loathing. Our love for each other extends past the simple constraints of time and death. We will always be best friends, for eternity and beyond. It is with another unspoken agreement that we all understand this. And it comforts us, each and every one of us. It is in this moment that I finally realize one simple truth.

Forever I will have my everything.

Author's Note

Edited to remove some of the excessive punctuation I was initially dinged on.

Dear Princess Celestia...

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned a very important lesson in friendship. Probably the most important lesson I will ever learn.

You see, about a week ago there was an accident that greatly imperiled my friends. I acted quickly and was able to save them, and I was extremely relieved and grateful for that. However, I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been fast enough. The whole incident was a rather narrow affair.

I kept asking myself these ‘what if’ questions, and they eventually drove me to become rather distressed. The more I thought about how close I’d been to losing my best friends, the more upset I became.

When I finally returned to Ponyville and was able to see my good friends again, naturally they realized that something was bothering me. But what did I do? I tried to hide my pain. I tried to run away.

I realize now that was the opposite of what I should have done. It took a great deal of patience from my friends to drive that home. They did not stop chasing after me, and once they caught up they waited as long as was necessary to get me to fess up. And when I finally did confess my feelings, they were there to make me feel better.

With true friends, nopony ever has to be afraid to speak their mind. I know now that I can confide any problem in my friends, even if it might upset them as well, and that my friends will help me pull through. Big or small, through thick or thin, I can always rely on my friends to support me.

And that, I think, is a truly magical aspect of friendship.

Ever your loyal subject,
Rainbow Dash