The Brony Fandom's for Clop
A spotlight was switched on at the Ponyville Performing Arts theater. Bon Bon walked out on stage as the spotlight cast its light on her. She shielded her eyes as she stared out into an endless black void.
"Pinkie Pie," Bon Bon said, "are you sure this is what it's supposed to look like?"
Pinkie sat alone in the front row with a tub of popcorn. She looked behind her into the dark nothingness, before turning back around to face Bon Bon.
"I'm sure," Pinkie Pie said, "You'd be certain too, if you'd broken the fourth wall as much as me."
"I'll take your word for it," Bon Bon said, "but it still just looks like a black hole to me."
"Trust me," Pinkie Pie said, "You may not be able to see them, but they're out there."
"Are you sure the bronies will be able to hear me?" Bon Bon asked, "I've never tried this before."
"You'll be fine," Pinkie Pie said as she turned to look at a her dragon friend, "Spike, a little accompanying music for Bon Bon, if you please."
Spike the Dragon was wearing an adorable little white tuxedo with a sequined bow tie. He sat at a piano and provided the music for the song. Bon Bon grew excited as the intro started to play.
"Finally," Bon Bon said, "After constantly sharing the spotlight with Lyra, I finally get a chance to address my fans all by myself."
Bon Bon stared out into the black void which Pinkie had created and addressed her audience.
"Bronies," Bon Bon said, "If you can hear me, I just wanted to say thank you! It's because of your efforts that background ponies like me have become so popular. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all the fanart, fanfics and discussions made about me. As a way of saying thank you, I've written a song to show my gratitude towards all of you."
Bon Bon took a deep breath before she started singing. She didn't even notice the mint-colored unicorn who was hiding behind her on the other side of the curtain.
"The brony fandom's really really great," Bon Bon sang.
"For clop!" a voice said. This outburst caused Spike to unwittingly bang on the keys. Bon Bon didn't allow it to distract her as she kept on singing.
"The creative talents of our fans is quite innate," Bon Bon sang.
"For clop!" the mysterious voice said. The disruption caused Spike to pound the wrong key a second time.
"What?" Bon Bon said, slightly miffed. She looked around for the source of the voice.
"I check out each fan site," Bon Bon sang, warily.
"For clop!" the voice sang.
"I browse all day and night," Bon Bon sang.
"For clop!" the voice sang.
"This interruption's making me uptight," Bon Bon sang.
"For clop!" the voice shouted.
"Lyra!" Bon Bon said annoyed as her friend jumped out from behind the curtain and started to dance and sing.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang.
"Lyra!" Bon Bon said, embarrassed.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra repeated.
"What are you doing?" Bon Bon asked.
"Why do guys watch it nonstop?" Lyra sang, "Clop! Clop! Clop!"
"Lyra!" Bon Bon said, irritated.
"Oh hey, Bon Bon," Lyra said, "I hope you don't mind me joining your shoutout to the bronies."
"You're ruining my song," Bon Bon said. Lyra stopped dancing and stood still.
"I'm sorry," Lyra said, "I was only trying to help."
"Yes, well," Bon Bon said, "If you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute, so I can finish."
"Okie Doki Loki," Lyra said, giving a sly wink to Pinkie Pie in the audience.
"Good," Bon Bon said, smiling. She stood beside Lyra and stared out into the black, empty space. The spotlight above the void shown on her as she resumed her song, accompanied by Spike on the piano.
"Fanart by bronies rivals all the rest," Bon Bon sang.
"With clop," Lyra sang, "Ooh." Bon Bon furrowed her brow.
"Their fanfiction always leaves me impressed," Bon Bon sang.
"Clopfics," Lyra added, "Oops. Sorry." Bon Bon shot her marefriend a dirty look.
"Each day there's some new art," Bon Bon sang.
"Of..." Lyra said, trailing off.
"Or fanfiction I can start," Bon Bon sang.
Lyra bit her tongue as she resisted the urge to sing.
"Compared to other fans, bronies have the most heart,"
"For clop!" Lyra shouted.
"Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted angrily.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang.
"Hello?" Bon Bon said, trying to get Lyra's attention.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang.
"Lyra!" Bon Bon said.
"They stay up late and masturbate to clop! Clop! Clop!" Lyra sang.
"Ew," Bon Bon said, "That's gross. You're a pervert."
"Ah, love and tolerate, Bon Bon," Lyra chastised, "You could learn a lesson from the bronies."
"No really," Bon Bon said, "You're a pervert. I'm not going to sit back and watch you slander our fans by labeling them as a bunch of sexual deviants."
"Can it really be considered a deviation if the majority is doing it?" Lyra asked.
"That is not true!" Bon Bon said, "I'm trying to sing a serious song about how creative this fanbase is, and you keep trying to imply that all bronies are a bunch of disgusting perverts! Our show is a catalyst that bronies use to get their creative juices flowing."
"I agree with you that the fans use the show as a catalyst," Lyra said, "We just have different views on what type of 'creative juices' the bronies are interested in producing." To emphasize her point, Lyra lifted one of her forehooves and made several quick, jerking motions with it.
"Lyra, stop!" Bon Bon said, "You're giving the fandom a bad name. Average bronies do not look up clop on the Internet."
"Oh?" Lyra said, smiling.
"What?" Bon Bon asked, naively.
"You. Have. No. Idea," Lyra said, "Ready average bronies?"
Bon Bon looked out into the void and saw that Pinkie Pie was in the front row with her back to the stage. She was positioning a microphone attached to a ridiculously long pole. She moved the mic deeper into the black hole, so as to allow two-way communication with the bronies.
The voices of various bronies played through the theater speakers as Bon Bon stared at Lyra, who was looking particularly smug. They listened to the human voices overhead.
"20%Cooler85, ready!" the first voice said.
"FlutterDash69, ready!" the second voice said.
"TwiLestia4Ever, ready!" the third voice said.
"Let me hear it!" Lyra shouted.
The three disembodied voices then began to sing along with Lyra, much to Bon Bon's chagrin.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang loudly with her chorus of bronies.
"Sad, but true," 20%Cooler85 said.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang with her chorus.
"We clop to you!" FlutterDash69 said.
"All these guys unzip their flies to clop! Clop! Clop!" Lyra said.
"The brony fandom's not for clop!" Bon Bon said.
"Clop! Clop! Clop!" Lyra sang harmoniously with her chorus of bronies.
"Now hold on a second!" Bon Bon said, interrupting. These bronies were famous within the fandom for their creative contributions, and Bon Bon was only too eager to highlight their achievements.
"Now, I happen to know for a fact that you, 20%Cooler85, make hand-crafted, show-accurate plushies that sell for thousands of dollars on eBay." Bon Bon said.
"True," 20%Cooler85 said.
"And FlutterDash69," Bon Bon said, "You make original music inspired by the characters and also create remixes of songs from the show."
"You're right," FlutterDash69 said.
"And TwiLestia4Ever, you draw amazing artwork of me and my friends," Bon Bon said, earnestly.
"I'm glad you appreciate it," TwiLestia4Ever said.
"But Bon Bon," Lyra said, "What do you think they did afterwards?"
The three bronies gave reluctant sighs.
"Yeah," the bronies said in unison.
"Ewww!" Bon Bon said, while shaking from revulsion.
"You may not like it, but Rule 34 exists," Lyra said, "In terms of smut, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the gold standard. Fans of our show churn out hundreds of new explicit images and clopfics every month. The constant amount of pornography produced by bronies is staggering. Each month they make more than double what any other fanbase is able to produce."
Bon Bon blushed as she imagined the eyes of hundreds of bronies on her. She pictured them staring at her while keeping at least one hand below their keyboards. Suddenly, Bon Bon felt very exposed. Her face was becoming flushed. She looked over at Lyra, who was smugly grinning.
"Which is why..." Lyra said, before taking center stage for her big finish.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang.
"Gross!" Bon Bon said.
"The brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra sang, while bobbing in tune to the music.
"I hate clop!" Bon Bon said.
"Grab your dick and double click with clop! Clop! Clop!" Lyra sang happily.
"I'm leaving!" Bon Bon said bitterly.
"Clop! Clop! Clop!" Lyra sang, while dancing.
"I hate the Internet," Bon Bon said.
"Clop! Clop! Clop!" Lyra sang.
Bon Bon stormed off the stage as Lyra went into her big finish.
"The brony fandom's for, brony fandom's for, brony fandom's for clop!" Lyra said.
Pinkie Pie clapped her hooves before turning to face the dark void.
"Bronies: Redefining plotholes since 2010," Pinkie Pie said, as she gave a knowing wink.
