The Ballad of Wingless the Pegasus

The birds chirped happily along the quiet back road from Cloudsdale, the only other noise being the squeaking wheels of an old cart being pulled along the gravel. Even the hooves of the young colt attached to it were oddly quiet. The stallion stopped the overladen cart with difficulty, and looked at the sign before his destination.

“Welcome to Ponyville.”

He grunted a mirthless laugh and resumed his journey into the small village. Before anypony saw him, he pulled a long dirty cloak from his saddlebags and threw it over him. He pulled the hood over his eyes, straining against the harness as he pulled the cart up the hill into town. This early in the morning, not many stores had opened their doors. Shopkeepers were setting up their stands and cleaning up before the morning rush of customers. He wheeled past one bakery with a particularly delicious looking facade, a pink mare sweeping the entrance to what he could now see was “Sugarcube Corner.” She looked up and, spotting the hooded figure, squealed and scooted alongside, matching his speed.

“Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie! I haven’t seen you around before, although I haven’t seen your face yet and it would be really weird for me to know who you are without seeing your face or cutie mark yet. Speaking of which, why are you hiding your face? -GASP- Are you a spy? Are you like Mane Bond from those movies? OOOH wait ARE you Mane Bond? Oh NO! I didn’t just give away your cover did I? Oh my goodness this is so exciting I’ve never been friends with a spy before! Of course how could I know if one of my friends was a spy? There’s Twilight, she’s pretty smart and close to the Princesses, so she COULD be a spy, but I don’t know if..."

His face unseen, the rambling mare never noticed the growing irritation of the stranger until he snapped, a growl in his voice. “HEY! I don’t care who you are, and who I am is none of your damned business! There’s no WAY I would be friends with somepony as overly annoying as you! So just... PISS OFF! Shit...!”

He pulled away from the shocked and hurt looking Pinkie Pie, who sat back on her haunches and let out a quiet sob. He glanced back at her, thinking to himself, “Hmmm...I was pretty rude back there, maybe I should... naaah, I’m just sobering up is all. I just need a drink” He spotted a small cafe with a little foal in front setting up a little newspaper stand.

“Hey kid!" he said stopping in front of the cafe. He unlatched himself and walked up to the little colt. “How much for a paper?”

“Two bits sir!” the little one squeaked out. The elder reached into his saddle bag and pulled out an indiscriminate amount of bits and held them out to the young one who took it with wide eyes. “Keep the change,” he said as he grabbed his paper and headed to one of the tables in the small serving court of the cafe. Not wanting to be seen, he took a seat in the back corner, facing a wall. He plopped his paper in front of him as the waiter approached him.

“Good morning sir and welcome to Obsonium Café, my name is Phillipé. What can I get for you today?” The unicorn waiter asked, order pad hovering in front of his upturned nose.

“Hay bacon sandwich, lettuce, tomato, salt, and scotch whisky, on the rocks...make that two scotches.” He didn’t have to look up at the waiter to notice the sneer in his voice.

“SIR, it’s only Seven AM, surely there is something more suitable, perhaps a coffee, or tea, or...” The hooded colt interrupted.

“I didn’t order a damned lecture, now are you going to bring me my food and drink or do I have to buy this restaurant and FIRE you just so you can get it through that thick skull of yours this is a restaurant and not a rehab clinic?”

The waiter was silent until he snapped his order pad shut. “Y-yes sir, of course sir.” He trotted away. Now alone, the stranger sighed and turned his attention to his paper. He flipped it open only to find his face staring back at him. It was a picture of the news conference the day before yesterday, he recognized it from the nervous sweat pouring from his face. He scanned over himself, seeing his usually well groomed hair unkempt and in his eyes, plastered to his brow with perspiration. Looking closer he took notice of his back. He hadn’t even tried to hide those ugly nubs. His eye searched until he found the right headline.

SEAMLESS, SON OF LATE AERONAUTICAL OUTFITTER BANKRUPTS COMPANY

NOW MISSING, FAMILY OFFERS 10,000 BIT REWARD

“Oh shit,” Seamless said aloud. He read on:

(Cloudsdale, APP) Seamless, or as he is infamously dubbed, “Wingless” was reported missing today by distraught Family and friends. (he laughed at that last word) Seamless, pictured above, was last seen leaving Monday’s news conference in which he announced that the long successful custom tailoring service, Hem & Seam Incorporated, was bankrupt and is closing it’s doors indefinitely. The family business has long been known for their innovations in aeronautical attire and formal wear, more specifically being the sole provider of uniforms for the racing and acrobatics team, The Wonderbolts. Along with other very prominent customers, Hem & Seam has provided almost all formal wear for the royal family.

Hem & Seam inc has been run by Seamless’ family for more than five generations, recently being handed down by his late father, Hem. There were no reasons given as to why a still successful company is bankrupt, or closing shop, but for years constant rumors and police reports of Seamless’ unruly spending on unknown, unrelated projects and drunken escapades are to blame.

“We are just so worried about little Seamless!” His aunt Lacey choked through tears. “He’s never been the most stable boy after his little...’accident’” Seamless is well known for his eccentric behavior in and out of flight school, but probably most notable of all was an impromptu race between winner of the Young Flyers Competition and Element of Harmony, Rainbow Dash. This resulted in him breaking a camp speed record but also in a devastating crash where both of his wings were accidentally amputated.

Seamless is a very lean pegasus with a red coat and mane with black streaks in the latter. His identifying marks include his amputated wings and a parachute cutie mark. If you have any information at all, please contact....

Seamless stopped reading and folded up his paper, his mind racing around, “So, they’re already looking for me, eh? Not surprising, all the ‘families’ money is actually MY money. Wonder where the hell they scraped up 10,000 bits anyway...”

He stared at the wall contemplating ways of changing his cutie mark. So immersed in thought he never noticed the two mares sit at the table behind him. So focussed was he he didn’t notice one fly up to him until she tapped him on the shoulder. “Hold on a moment, I want to see a paper,” she said to her friend. “Hey buddy, can I borrow your paper?”

He waved her off, “Yeah uh-huh, go for it.”

“Thanks.” She snatched it off the table just as the waiter came back with the order. Seamless snapped back into reality at the arrival of his food.

“Is there anything else I could get you sir?” All he received in return was a grunt and a shake of the head. “Ahem...you’re welcome...” He looked over at the two fillies behind Seamless. “I’ll be with you girls in a moment.”

“Thank you Pillipé, take your time,” a small voice responded. As soft and quiet as the voice was, it caught Seamless’ attention. He recognized that voice...from somewhere. And now that he thought about it, he recognized the other too. He couldn’t turn and look for fear of being seen by somepony he knew, so he grabbed his glass of scotch and sipped it, leaning back in his chair to the conversation they were having.

“Why did you want a newspaper?” the soft voice asked.

"Twilight said I was mentioned on the front page! I don’t know why, some reported probably saw an awesome trick I...did... Hey. hey this is an article about Les.”

Seamless’ heart stopped. She used his old nickname. But only two fillies ever used it before...”but no, it can’t be...”

“Really?” the soft voice continued. “What does it say?”

“Uhhh apparently he bankrupted Hem & Seam...not surprised. Woah, he’s missing! 10,000 bit reward!”

“Oh my goodness! I hope he’s okay...” the quiet one trailed off.

“Oh so do I! I hope he’s healthy enough to come here so I can give him a piece of my mind, and a bit of hoof in his ass!” The louder one said with force.

“Oh Rainbow Dash, you don’t really mean that do you? I know you and Seamless didn’t separate on...good terms.”

Worst fears come true, Seamless’ heart nearly popped. It WAS Rainbow Dash. And who he guessed must be Fluttershy too. “Why, Celestia, why oh why did I come HERE?”

“SHHHH! I don’t want anypony to know I know him that well!” She leaned in closer to whisper to Fluttershy. “And ‘good terms?’ How about NO terms? The last time I ever saw him he was bleeding, dying on the finish line.”

Seamless’ mind raced, looking for a way to slip past the two without being noticed.

“And of course did he ever bother to write?” Dash Continued “Maybe during this long time try to find me? NO! As far as I’m concerned, ‘Wingless’ IS dead!”

His mind snapped. Grabbing his saddlebag he poured bits next to his uneaten sandwich. He galloped past the returning Phillipé and the unsuspecting fillies, knocking over the waiter and the girls’ table. he quickly strapped himself to his cart and rumbled off as fast as he could down the street.

“Woah, what’s his deal?” Dash stared at the dust cloud left behind.

“I don’t know. I think he’s just incredibly rude.” Phillipé said as he dusted himself off. “I didn’t expect a threat from my first customer of the day...or at all to be honest.”

“I wonder if that’s the same pony who just upset Pinkie Pie?” Fluttershy wondered.

Phillipé picked up the table with his magic and straightened it out. “I believe he’s the stallion who will be buying Chaise’s old furniture shop down the road.”

“You mean the old guy’s shop by my place?” Dash asked.

The Waiter thought for a moment, then nodded. “If you mean the cloud house above South Main Street, then yes.”

Rainbow Dash looked down at her hooves, thinking to herself for a moment. But then she suddenly jumped into the air. “I uh, gotta run home real quick, I...forgot to feed Tank! Yeah...”  She flew up, grabbed a stray cloud, and was off.

Tired and breathless, Seamless stopped running a couple of blocks and turns from the Café. He caught his breath and out from under his hood. He had stopped right in front of his new home. An old clydesdale sat in a rocker, watching him, in front of an old shop called “Chaise’s Quality Furniture.” Seamless unhooked himself and trotted up to the old timer.

“Are you Chaise?” He asked the old timer.

“That I am sonny, and you must be the young buck wantin’ to buy my store.” He replied with a wheeze.

“Yes, I am. You said in your post 4,000 bits, as-is and I can move in right away?”

“That’s right! Place is empty, except for the upstairs apartment has a couple things you can have. There’s a shipping port in the back where you can unload your cart. I have the deed right here, just sign it and she’s all yours!” Chaise stood and picked up the deed and an old quill from beside his rocker and held them both out.

Seamless Pulled a sack from his cart labeled “For the shop” and tossed it at Chaise’s hooves. He then grabbed the deed, signed it, and handed it back over to the ageing stallion. Chaise looked at it and smiled.

“Alright Mr. hehe ‘Cherry Tomato’ you’re all set. I’ll get this over to the mayor’s office right quick! here...is you copy." He tore a paper off from the carbon paper on the back and handed it to the other colt. "May I ask, what do you plan on doin’ with my old shop?”

Seamless rehooked himself to his cart and began pulling it around back of the shop. “None of your Bucking business, get the hell off my property.”

Chaise stared incredulously at the cloaked pony and slowly walked away with his sack of bits. He cast a frown back at his old shop unaware that the conversation, along with the insult he just had was eavesdropped upon from the cloud hanging unusually close to the ground above. Rainbow Dash pulled her head back onto the cloud.

“Well well Mr. ‘Cherry Tomato.’ After the prank I’m about to pull, that will be the last rude thing you dare to say to another pony in this town!”

“So...why can’t Twilight come?” Dash asked Pinkie Pie through the dark. The two had hidden themselves in an alleyway across from the old Furniture shop.

“She said she needed to get up early in the morning to do some shopping. Something about Spikey having the hiccups and setting her bed on fire again.” Pinkie Shivered. “Plus it’s really cold out tonight!”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. So, did you bring the stuff!?”

“Yep! It’s all here!” She motioned to the small cart behind her. “One bucket full of molasses, a BIG bag of feathers, Mrs. Cake’s exercise trampoline, a spool of strong thread and the cart itself. So what kind of prank are we going to do?”

“Okay, it’s like this. See those steps on the side of his shop? He has to go up those steps to get to his apartment. So when he goes up, he will hit a trip wire, and this bucket of molasses will swing down and cover him in the sticky stuff! And of course he’ll be all like ‘Ahhh what is this?’ and stumble back and fall onto the trampoline! That will spring him up into the bag of feathers making him look like a chicken! And THEN as he’s falling from the bag of feathers, he’ll land in the cart, which will roll down Main Street! The steepest hill in town I might remind you. He won’t know what hit him, and he’ll go for the ride of his life! Isn’t it an AWESOME plan?”

Dash beamed at Pinkie, but her smile fell right away when she saw the frown on her face. “I... don’t know Dash, that sounds like he could really get hurt.”

“So what?” Dash asked. “He deserves it either way. Besides this is revenge for whatever he said to you, and just his general rude...ness!”

“Dashie! I don’t want him hurt!” She gave Dash a small smile. “I only prank for fun silly! I don’t want revenge. Maybe if we make it a little safer, or do something that will make him laugh...”

Dash interrupted, “No, we’re doing it my way.”

Pinkie looked down for a moment. “Then I won’t do it.” She unhooked herself from the cart and started walking away. “Sorry Dashie, and please, try not to hurt him.”

“Wait! PINKIE! Grrrr....alright, fine, I’ll do it myself!” And with that Rainbow dash set off to make her plans ready. She set up the feathers and molasses, and stashed the cart and trampoline nearby for when they were needed. After double checking everything, she flew back to her waiting spot to wait.

An hour passed. Then two. By hour three she was fighting a losing battle with her eyelids. But once they shut, she was out like a light. Hours later, just as Celestia brought the sun up, Dash woke with a start, a slamming door being the culprit. She blinked twice, then realized she was still in the alleyway. Looking out, she could see “Mr. Tomato’s” hooded silhouette locking up the front door to the shop. He then walked around the corner, turned his rear to Dash’s hiding spot, and started up the stairs.

Dash sprung into action, flying silently across the road she went to spot where the trampoline and cart were hidden, grabbed the former and flew it into just the right position at the bottom of the steps. On her way back to get the cart, however, she realized even the fastest flyer in Equestria wasn’t fast enough now, hearing the trip wire snap. She raced around the corner in time to see the bucket swing towards his head.

In the long hours of this chilly morning, the thick molasses had chilled nearly solid, so instead of covering it’s target in a mass of sticky goo, it connected with it’s target with a sickening crunch. The force of the impact knocked him back, hard. He sailed down the steps, bounced once, and onto the trampoline, which shot him upwards, past the bag of feathers, and down in front of the shop door with another loud crunch.

Meanwhile, Dash was glued to one spot, watching her mistake unfold before her eyes. She stared at his motionless body lying on the sidewalk. Dash didn’t even realize she wasn’t flying anymore until she willed herself to move closer. She stumbled over and gently nudged him. The only response was a gurgle. She looked down closer. Her pupils dilated as she saw a slow trickle of blood flowing from his snout. Those same eyes then darted around the street, scanning for witnesses, though they found none. She whispered a fearful apology to the stallion, and took off toward her home.