Equestrian Death Battle

Sometimes, there's battles where it's hard to wonder who you want to root for... and not in a good way.

A primary example is the fight occurring today.

We have Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, the resident schoolyard bullies of Ponyville,

And Snips and Snails, the resident schoolyard idiots of Ponyville.

He's Milky Wings and I'm Static Horn,

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win an Equestrian Death Battle.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon

Pony Types: Earth Ponies

Occupation: Students

Special Talents: Unknown; likely something to do with being total bitches. I can't fucking stand these two. They annoy me to the point of sheer frustration. Oh no, here comes Static Horn. Um, I'm only typing an analysis of these two while you take a bathroom break. Heh. I'm answering you through writing because it's customary. Don't give me that look. I can type as much as I want. Excuse me for hating characters. Oh, you think Gilda was annoying? At least she had a motivation for her actions, and had a decent backstory for a one-note character. What do these two have? Nothing. In fact, I'm done. I'm leaving. Do this yourself. I don't want to waste time like you did. Shut up, I am not being a hypocrite, and wasting time.

Uh... I guess I'll continue... Um... yeah. Everything Milky Wings said is true. Even maybe the part about Gilda... Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are bullies of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They have little to no redeemable qualities in their characters. Even when it's been proven that the crusaders are more powerful than either, these two still continue their work. However, despite how big of bullies they are. They never actually hurt anyone. They make threatening statements but that's it. The two have just about no defensive power, shown with such incidents like Babs Seed's confrontation, or if something jump scares them like a photo flash for example. But that doesn't mean they don't do the same. While the two are definite cowards, I think we can all agree that they have no trouble confronting others, especially if their as wimpy, and one-dimensional as these two. If faced by a tough opponent however, this will immediately paralyze them from battle. Diamond and Silver are quick-thinkers, yet idiotic. Terrible at fighting, but spoilt. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get Milky Wings to stop worrying about the outcome.

Those morons better not screw this up!...

"Bump! Bump! Sugar-lump, rump!"

Snips and Snails

Pony Types: Unicorns

Occupation: Students to Miss Cheerilee

Special Talent: Unknown; with Snips, it's likely something to do with scissors. With Snails, it's likely something to do with being slow.

Eager

Always pick the newest popular thing

Always end up causing disasters

Snips and Snails are students of Miss Cheerilee,

And they are some of the most enthusiastic characters on the show. But maybe a little too much...

Snips and Snails are very accident-prone. In the majority of their appearances, something bad always seems to happen to them. They are foolish, idiotic, annoying, with a hint of loyalty.

Unlike Diamond and Silver, these two actually mean well. Snips and Snails always try to help the situation at hand, but it always leads to disaster.

Snips and Snails also represent the children always going with the newest fad. They appear to simply suck up to anyone who impresses them, no matter what it risks.

Not only do they do anything to get closer to their role models, but they will follow anything the impressive pony says.

As for magic purposes, the only spell we've ever seen used was Snails, lighting up his horn to show light. Extensive proof that they know barely any spells is when they entered a talent show. In that, they performed no spells and did magic tricks instead.

But there is one major upside to these two. Snips and Snails antics doesn't only cause trouble for them, but it causes trouble for others. What better contenders to be the Lloyd and Harry of MLP?

Snails, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Why is it they call it a flea market when they don't really sell fleas?

Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

It's time for an Equestrian Death Battle!

Diamond,  Silver, Snips, and Snails stared angrily at each other in the playground. Scootaloo, Featherweight, Twist, and a few others watched from the sidelines. "Miss Cheerilee, why aren't you stopping this fight?" asked Scootaloo. Cheerilee felt dizzy and started shaking. "Hey, if I can replace your education with watching Apple Bloom throw hoops, then why not do it with this fight to the death?" she wondered as she drank some alcoholic cider.

FIGHT!

Snips and Snails pounded on their opponents and weakly hit them. Diamond and Silver grabbed the active hooves and tossed Snips and Snails in the air, as they crashed on the ground. Snips whispered in Snails ears. Snails nodded and the two galloped off. Diamond and Silver were confused, but followed in close pursuit.

"Well that didn't last long did it?" yelled Cheerilee in frustration, as she walked to her office. "Where are you going?" asked a young filly. "I need another drink", answered Cheerilee in response.

Snips and Snails galloped through town with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in close pursuit. Snips and Snails were too fast for their liking however. Eventually, they lost track of their opponents.

Suddenly, Snips and Snails jumped off a nearby roof onto their opponents. In response, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon flung their foes in the air. Snips and Snails crashed against a wall, as they noticed Diamond and Silver running at an extreme speed. Snips and Snails attempted using their reflexes and tried bucking them away, managing to do so. Diamond Tiara had lost her fuse now. She walked on Silver Spoon's back, as her ally bounced her forward with a push.

Diamond Tiara lunged at her opponents, while picking up her tiara. Snips and Snails screamed. It came at Snails. Snips closed his eyes and pushed Snips out of the way, as the tiara sliced Snips' throat, landing him on the ground. Snails gasped and looked at his dead buddy. Snails shed a tear and looked at Diamond Tiara with anger on his face.

The tiara was on the ground after the aerial assault Diamond Tiara caused. Snails put it in his mouth and charged for his opponents. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon screamed. Diamond thought for a second, as she looked over at Silver Spoon. Diamond Tiara bucked Silver Spoon in front of her, as the tiara managed to slice Silver Spoon's throat too.

Snails looked around confusingly, wondering where his coward of an opponent was. Suddenly, Diamond Tiara popped in surprisingly, karate bucking Snails. Diamond Tiara picked up her tiara once more and charged at the opposition. Snails jumped up energetically. He shut his eyes tight and stretched his hooves out. Diamond Tiara charged fast at him with her tiara, with intense fury.

As she got closer, Snails began to speak. "...For Snips". He bucked Diamond Tiara back along with her tiara. The tiara started to fall and sliced all across Diamond Tiara's stomach, killing her.

K.O.

Wow. That was just as gruesome as the cutie mark crusaders fight.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon appeared to have some ounce of an advantage against foes as as gullible as Snips and Snails. However, it was Snips and Snails close bond that managed to let them win.

Snips was noble enough to save his friends life. Much more noble in comparison to what Diamond did to her ally. This forced Snails to lose his fuse, like any average pony. It may have been dangerous and nearly killed him, but then again, what would you expect from Lloyd and Harry?

What stopped anything bad from happening to Snails was the fact that him and his former ally have, not only do things that get themselves in trouble, but things that gets others in trouble. These two are complete idiots and use what they can to get somewhere.

Diamond and Silver, on the other hoof, have no real type of battle advantage. The two may have had some work done when Diamond Tiara's tiara was pulled out for battle, but it was the bond between Diamond and Silver that made them lose.

Diamond Tiara, as we know, is a selfish little brat. She puts herself before anyone else. And because Snips and Snails are loyal to each other, and everyone else, their teamwork and nobleness out-shined their opposition.

In loving memory of Snips, played by Jim Carrey.

The winner, is Snails.

Next time on Equestrian Death Battle...

"Battle of the sidekicks".

Got a suggestion for an Equestrian Death Battle? Comment below who you want to see next.