Equestrian Death Battle

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING IS AN INSPIRATION OF RLYOSHI'S WORK. THE MAIN IDEA COMES FROM RLYOSHI

When it comes to assertive characters, there’s surprisingly quite a few of them in Equestria.

Like Iron Will, the master of assertiveness techniques.

And Gilda, the rage filled griffon.

It’s no surprise that these two are fighting. They are incredibly angry, and their actually the first non-pony characters we’re pitting against each other.

I’m Milky Wings and he’s Static Horn, and it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a death battle

Iron Will

Creature Type: Minotaur

Occupation: Assertiveness Teacher

Special Talent: Assertiveness

Is a kid show’s version of Mr. T

Assertiveness technique is to stand up for yourself

One of the most intelligent characters in the show

Iron Will is the one we’re rooting for here. Go Iron Will! Barbecue that griffon into KFC.

I take it you still haven’t gotten over Gilda since what she did to Fluttershy...

Don’t get me started on her in the show, compared to Iron Will. At least when Iron Will faced Fluttershy he actually accepted his defeat. Gilda is a basic bitch.

Calm down Static! We need to talk about Iron Will for now.

Ugh, you’re right. Let’s talk about Iron Will.

Right. Iron Will, unlike Gilda, is trained in teaching assertiveness.

His basic method is that if someone is being an asshole to you, then you be an asshole back to them, pure genius.

He’s also basically Mr. T as a minotaur, and believe it or not, he is actually pretty intelligent.

Yeah. His training actually worked on Fluttershy until she let it get to her head.

Iron Will actually occasionally relies on his goats to help him. But if we counted them, the battle would be too one sided in Iron Will’s favour.

Too bad as well.

Iron Will, following the previous assertiveness lessons we explained, is skilled in physical combat. He has trained on this his whole life. But his one major flaw his that he can be very gullible. If tried to be reasoned with, he shows his weak spot - being non-persistent

We’re not sure if he’s gullible because of his natural behaviour, or Fluttershy.

Like any minotaur though, Iron Will’s charge is deadly, because of his horns.

Another glaring flaw with Iron Will is that despite his size, he has very low weight. His goats are able to carry him with no problems whatsoever.

A final part of Iron Will’s problems is that due to him teaching assertiveness, he suffers from anger problems.

Maybe he would get along with Gilda, because of what they have in common. Or maybe they’ll just try to beat the shit out of each other insanely.

"When somepony tries to block, show them that you rock!”

Gilda

Creature Type: Griffin

Special Talent: Unknown; most likely something to do with speed and force

Occupation: Unknown

Former childhood friend of Rainbow Dash

Is half-eagle, half-lion and no awesome

Dialogue is that of a punk kid from the 90’s

Hated by Static Bolt

As I said before, bitch.

Gilda was Rainbow Dash’s past rival back when Rainbow Dash was a filly. Gilda normally hid her true colours, until that bit her in the ass.

She hides the fact that she sucks.

Gilda’s strength relies on sheer brute force. She has a short temper and when it goes, she lets loose.

She represents the negative aspects of Rainbow Dash.

Gilda’s general problem is that she’s not very mindful. She’s more brawn than brain, if anything.

Gilda’s very paranoid and can get easily jealous. She can fly a speed close to Rainbow Dash’s level herself. Her roar can make the foe tremble. She also has griffon claws to claw an opponent. Her tail can be useful to pick up objects.

Gilda always wants to be part of the action. She is very severe with her attacks and when in flight camp, she probably trained more on strength rather than speed.

Deep down though, Gilda probably does like fun, but if angered in the slightest, she will let loose, even if the opponent did nothing wrong. Making Fluttershy cry! I’m going to kill Gilda.

Calm down Static, at least Gilda got what was coming to her.

It’s not enough. I want this griffin’s head on a silver platter.

"When you decide not to be lame anymore, give me a call."

I feel the same about you, dumb bitch.

Alright the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.

IT’S TIME FOR AN EQUESTRIAN DEATH BATTLE!!!

Iron Will stood outside his maze, ready for his opponent. The furious griffon dropped in, ready to attack.

FIGHT!

Iron Will immediately charged at his opponent with his horns. Gilda zoomed up quick and flew behind Iron Will. The griffin aerial kicked the minotaur with one of her claws and left a scar on Iron Will.

Gilda landed next to Iron Will, about to charge into him. She went to go for Iron Will’s legs. Iron Will held his fists together and tried enduring Gilda’s charge. When the time came, Iron raised one of his legs and kicked Gilda into the clouds.

Gilda quickly caught herself while in the air. Iron Will looked at his foe above him and had his arms folded, waiting for Gilda to make her move. Gilda attempted to zoom and crash into Iron Will. As she peered closer however, Iron Will slammed her on the ground, proceeding to kick her into the maze.

Iron Will got his horns ready for a charge but when he entered the maze, he noticed his foe had vanished. Iron Will peeked at two different paths in the maze and couldn’t see Gilda in either one. He attempted to go to the right to find his opponent. It turned out however, that Gilda was above him. She dashed hard into him and forced him on the ground. She was about to punch him but Iron Will kicked her away before she had the chance.

Iron Will slammed Gilda down and knocked her with his fists many times. Gilda started to bleed. She sniffed the blood on her and grew into a fit of rage.

It was unlike any other. She grew red in her already frustrated face. Her wings raised and she escaped Iron Will’s hold by pecking him so hard it was like he was being drill pecked. Iron Will’s nose started to bleed. He took a glimpse up at the outraged griffin before she dashed at the speed of Rainbow Dash into the fearful minotaur. He tried holding Gilda back but it was no use. She had him caught. Gilda forced Iron Will onto the ground and snapped his throat with her talons by strangling him. She punched his throat where it opened. Gilda decapitated Iron Will.

K.O.

No! Why? Why is Gilda still alive? It would’ve been a glorious celebration if she was dead.

There’s a perfectly good explanation as to why Gilda won. Iron Will may have abs and horns, but he easily lacked the wing advantage and speed. His defences were low and made him an easy target for Gilda to overpower. At one point, Iron Will did gain the advantage. Iron Will had good reflexes but once he had Gilda pinned down and was already weakened as well, she had lost her temper after seeing her blood appear, causing her to annihilate him. Neither of us are happy with this result but this is simple logic. Gilda is quicker than Iron Will and can fly, and while it may have been close towards the end, Gilda was the ultimate winner.

Neither of us had enough “iron will” to watch as Gilda won.

The winner is Gilda.

Next time on Equestrian Death Battle!

Gilda has managed to defeat someone as assertive as herself. But next week, she will face her biggest obstacle; ‘another former rival of Rainbow Dash’