Why Me? The Story Of How Pastel Unicorns Upset My Personal Harmony

by biznizz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2222

A very unremarkable college student quickly finds out he's an interdimensional unicorn magnet.

They say that virtue is it's own reward, that it's good to help others out without expecting anything in return.

I can safely say that is officially bull crap. Now every week, I've got to deal with more of these unicorns coming in and making my life a sugar coated wreck.

(Written as an exercise to reinvigorate my writing juices for my other story, but I hope you enjoy.)

Published 2012-12-26 01:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-26 01:20:01 UTC

The Purple One... Twinkle, Was It?

It was barely a quarter to one in the afternoon, but I could tell that my whole day was going to be lousy. Not counting my classes (which, on a good day are just... so-so), I had two things happen to sour my mood. The first was my personal writing project... or rather my lack thereof one. I like to write from time to time, have been since I was in elementary school. Hell, even then I wanted to be an author, but eventually abandoned that dream by the time I got into my high school writing class. Even though that was one of the few classes where I got a straight A through, it made me realize that I didn't have the write stuff. When it comes to an assignment or a short story, I can get it done. But when it comes to something that I really want to do, that big idea for a story? Short breaks become hiatuses become abandonment. It's been recently that I've been trying to overcome this block by doing this sci-fi story, but already old habits have reared their ugly heads. Plenty of ideas, but trying to type it down on my notebook was next to impossible. And that's made worse when I make time to do so when I'm not saddled with class or homework.

The second thing was a damn egg salad sandwich. I have a meal plan with the university: I pay the bare minimum to get five meals per week that I can eat in the mess hall. And I usually save that meal for supper, meaning that breakfast & lunch are on my head to get. To just save time, I usually grab a few premade sandwiches from the liquor store near my apartment. Not really the hight of crusine, huh? The sandwiches are passable though, but I guess I grabbed the wrong one by mistake. See... I DESPISE egg salad, homemade or otherwise. My fault for not reading the label, but in my defense... I was in a hurry before my World History class started.

So there I was, sitting at a table near the edge of campus working up the will to eat the damn thing before my Alegra II class beginning in less than fifteen minutes. A thought occured that I could just buy a hot dog from one of the vendors who usually set up shop outside of campus!... before I remembered that I sacrificed three weeks of spending money for a 3DS XL, meaning that my buget was stretched to the breaking point. So I either forgoe lunch, or eat a crappy sandwich and be done with it.

I unwrapped the packaging and took a single bite when I heard... IT. It sounded like a young woman crying, so it got my attention. I wasn't in the mood to get involved with any drama, but I knew if I walked away and could have done something to help that I would never forgive myself. I looked over in the direction the sobs were coming from and saw some foliage near one of the Halls. The campus was sandwiched between Downtown and a bunch of residental streets (which was the end I was at), so there was some focus on making sure the place looked nice, which meant a lotta grass, a lotta trees, that kind of jazz.

I looked around and noticed how quiet the place was. It was... kinda eerie actually. It wasn't ghost town abandoned, there were still some people around... just not as much as there should be, especially near a Hall building that was full of people. I worked up the nerve to stand up and start walking over; why I was still holding that damn sandwhich container, I still don't know.

"Hello?" I asked, "Are you alright?"

The woman didn't answer, but from the sudden lapse in her crying, I could tell she heard me. I reached my free hand over and pushed some of the obstucting branches out when I finally saw who I was trying to help.

I was expecting a few things to be honest: an abused girlfriend, a student in a breakdown, a (god forbid) rape victim, etc. But what I fucking saw.... Holy shit, I say that never would have guess what I saw.

A small purple unicorn.

It's a weird thing, having your brain simultaniously shut down AND go into overclocking research mode; but that's what it felt like. Purple fur, freaking horn, dark purple hair/mane/tail/whatever with singular pink stripe, FREAKING HORN!, weird discoloration on the thigh (wait, horse, so... flank?) that looked like a branding or some other kind of tattoo, A GODDAMN HORN!!!... But it was the face that got me, this unicorn didn't have a typical equine facial features. What was creepy was how... expressive and (can't believe I'm saying this) human-like(?) it was. If I weren't seeing it myself, I'd laugh it off as downright moronic. But it WAS there and I WAS seeing this violation of causality.

We looked at each other for god knows how long, her large, red & puffy eyes staring into mine and vice-versa. The unicorn lifted a hoof to her face and wiped some stray tears and did something else I would have called B.S. on if I didn't experience it: talk to me.

"Please, you have to tell me," she (for the voice gave me an almost clear confirmation on the gender) started to ask, "I can tell I'm not in Equestra anymore. Where am I?" If I were a lesser man, I would have lost it there. She added, "Please help me..."

I'd like to think my actions following that were... still within the norm. I didn't shout, I didn't freakout and cause a scene or anything like that. I told her the truth: California, United States of America, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy. When she heard me say that I'd NEVER heard of... Equestria (remembering that name just makes me feel, I dunno, kinda embarrased), she began to cry again.

I looked around and saw that the clock tower read that it was five to one and that I was going to be late when I heard something else from the unicorn. This time it was a sound that didn't sound so strange; it was the tell-tale grumbling of an empty stomach. I looked at her again and saw her bite her lip in embarrasment and... blush. Yes, blush. Though her fur. Somehow.

Yeah... It was then that I decided 'Screw this' and decided to leave. I put the sandwich (still in it's black plastic, with only one bite taken out of it, my appetite now gone) down on the ground and adjusted the straps on my backpack.

The unicorn looked down at the food and back up me, confused. I decided to give a brief response, "It's egg salad." With that I ran out of dodge. 'I'm not getting involved with this shit,' I thought to myself. 'Out of sight, out of mind.'

I made it to class about three minutes late, but my teacher was cool about it. Within a half hour, I had rationalized it all as some kind of one off manic episode, or even possibly just a weird hallucination from a who-knows-how-old sandwich (the place I get them from does regulate the few perishables the sell regularly, but I didn't want to think that at the time). The rest of my day decended into a thankful, familiar grind. It was only by the time my final class let out and I went to get some dinner that a thought spontaniously sprout up to me: Why did I give that.... thing, my sandwich? Rather than merely try to suppress it, I decided to answer and let it rest then and never think of it again; it was hungry, that's why. I mean, what was the worst that could happen by giving it something to eat?

I don't know if it was this moment, or when I gave away my lunch that the interdimensional bullseye was painted on my head.

It was after five when I got home. The place I live is pretty sweet; it's a collection of two-story apartments. Four bed, two bath (one on each floor) and built-in washer/dryer. My older sister, Lola (who's two years older than me; third year) and one of our old friends from back in Lake Tahoe, Dan (nice guy, but flamboyant at times) are two of my roommates. Saved me the trouble of finding a place to stay myself. Josh, our other roommate, is alright; he's an animal guy, having got snakes & birds in his room. I threw my stuff into my room upstairs and quickly realized that it was Golden Time. Or more specifically, one of the rare instances where one roommate has the entire place to themselves forever how long.

I jumped on my couch and turned on turned on the TV. it was ten minutes after I had turned it onto an old Law & Order rerun and had gotten comfortable when I heard a few light knocks on the front door. Sighing, I got up and walked over to open it.

At first, it looked like no one was there; however I suddenly felt a pit open up in my stomach and looked down.

There, standing at just above my waist, was the purple unicorn.

"Oh, uh... Hello," she spoke, again to my dismay, "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Twilight Sparkle. We, uh..., met earlier today..." I cut her off by closing the door and locking it. I heard her shout, "Hey!' but paid no mind and walked back to the couch.

"No no no no nononono....," I muttered to myself. "Not gonna deal with this bullshit. Got enough problems without this crap coming up."

I heard more knocking on the door and I responded by turning up the volume on the TV.

"Please, you have to help! My magic isn't recovering right and I spent what little I had left just getting here!" the unicorn shouted though the door. With the word magic, the impossible happened and I got even less enthused about dealing with this situation. I was all set for letting one of my neighbors deal with all the nonsense when she added something else that barely heard though a court scene, "Please, you're the only one I can trust now..."

Partly out of morbid curiousity and partly out of sentimental guilt, I opened the door the door a crack and saw the unicorn sitting on her haunches, looking at me. "Why?" I bluntly asked.

The unicorn moved her freakishly flexable foreleg and rubbed the back of her head, clearly thinking on how to respond. "Because... even though it was only a little bit and you left afterwards... you still helped me when I needed it earlier. If you wanted to, you could have simply left, but you gave me some food when I was hungry. That's why," she answered.

I kept the door open at that open and thought for a good minute or two. Ultimately, it came down to a question: was I a big enough bastard to refuse someone who was CLEARLY in need of help? As if to answer, I had opened the door wider a bit more before I had really knew what I was doing. The unicorn was also surprised and looked at me with her big purple irised eyes again. It was then that I realized I had passed beyond the threshold of no return and was resigned to my fate of dealing with this ridiculous situation.

"Alright... Twinkle was it? Come on in," I muttered.

The look of joy and relief that awashed over her face... I won't say that my heart grew three sizes that day; I'll admit that it did make me think that I did the right thing. The unicorn trotted giddily into the living room and gave me a hug, wrapping her front legs aroung me. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou... thank you!" she exclaimed. As I was closing the door, she added, "Oh, just one thing. My name is actually Twilight Sparkle. That's T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T Sparkle. Not Twinkle."

I sighed and locked the door. It was official. Lousy.

Author's Note

The writing habits described here fit me more than I would like, but hopefully getting into the habit of writing this will get me pumped up for Soldier From The Stars again. Happy Belated Apocolypse Aversion!

Here's a fun idea, I'll let you guys decide which pony shows up next. But some rules: 1. They have to be unicorns. So a whole Mane 6 gathering will not be happening. And alicorns (Celestia, Luna, Cadence) don't count. 2. There will be no humanXpony relationships. I'll admit, this might change, but I'm adament that it remain platonic. NO CLOP. 3. If anyone wants, they can also contribute a name for the guy (Anonymous or simply Anon, will not be accepted) and the city/campus.. If no one cares, I'll just make them up for chapter 2 myself.

As always, pointing out any errors I may have made would be greatly appreciated. This was written in one sitting, for some commitment dammit. :p