The song is “Panzermensch” by the German band, ‘And One’ from the album “Frontfeuer” (at least, that’s where I got it from…)
“Hey Pinks! Great party!” Dash grinned and looked at the pink mare in front of her. Music pounded in the background- a low thumping beat provided by Ponyville’s own Vinyl Scratch. Electronic beats mixed and clashed in the air. Around the town square, ponies danced- head-banging to the speed of the lower beats, or making quick jerky movements that matched the sounds of the ‘dubtrot’ perfectly, still others were slamming together in a massive mosch pit.
“What’d you say?” Pinkie yelled back over the blaring music. Her mane was full of streamers and confetti.
“I said,” yelled Rainbow Dash, holding her hooves around her mouth, “Great party! Any ideas how to step it up?”
“Now that you mention it,” Pinkie smiled and pulled a microphone out of her mane. “There is something I wanted to try.”
Rainbow smiled. “You’re the best Pinks.” They knocked hooves together and Pinkie ran to the booth where Vinyl masterfully plied her trade.
“Hey Vinyl! Cut the music a second!”
“You sure? I don’t think they’d like to lose any of this.” The white unicorn slammed her hoof into a button and the speakers slid open. Massive bursts of base shot out, shaking the ground. Pinkie thought she saw several nearby ponies ear-gasm… it was very messy.
The pink mare leaned over and whispered something into her ear. Vinyl’s smile widened and she nodded. “You got it boss.” She placed a hoof on a dimmer switch and slowly lowered it, the music slowing and growing deeper as she turned it. As the music stopped, so did the dancers. They looked over, panting and dripping with sweat, massive smiles plastered across their faces.
“Hey, yo, turn that back on!” one stallion yelled. Even though the music had quit, he was still dancing. As everyone turned to look at him, he stopped breakdancing and switched to disco. “You can’t just stop the funk!”
“Chill guys,” Vinyl said, pointing to a stage that was slowly rising out of the ground in the center of the square, “we’ve got this.”
“LADIES AND GENTLECOLTS!” Pinkie yelled from atop the stage. “KARIOKE!!!!!” She leapt down, throwing the mike to a pony that stood nearby. As she fell, the crowd surged forward and caught her, passing her around as she giggled and threw hooffuls of confetti. She passed a grey pegasus. “DERPY! You’re up!”
Derpy laughed and shot into the air, narrowly avoiding the massive disco ball that hung above the crowd. She flew to the stage and landed in a tangle of legs and wings. Several ponies in the crowd coughed and began muttering amongst themselves as she quickly righted herself. Someone tossed her the mike and it soared past her. Her wing shot out and grabbed it as her eyes narrowed.
“Hat please!” she said into the mike with a low voice. Pinkie bounced by, still being carried by the crowd. She tossed a blue baseball cap onto the stage. Derpy stuck out her hoof and the hat landed on it. With a flip of her hoof, she jammed it on her head and pulled the brim low, pulling it slightly to the side.
“ARE YOU READY TO ROCK, PONYVILLE?” she yelled into the mike. Vinyl quickly twisted a dial to prevent any feedback. She looked at Vinyl and winked. The white DJ put her hooves on the pitch controls for the microphone and nodded.
“Ooo-wooah-oooh-aaaah-oooooh!” Derpy’s voice wavered, sounding almost mechanical as Vinyl’s skilled hooves prepared the intro for the song. Then the music began. It sounded like a cross between techno and rock, something you might hear if you were to turn the sounds of an average factory into music. For several moments Derpy stood on stage, unmoving as the heavy beats of the music thundered around her. Her head was hung low, expressionless. Slowly, more sounds were added to the music as the volume increased.
The blonde-maned head shot up, a dark smile on her face as she began singing in Germane. “Deine Schritte sind so schön, tanzen wir das Wiederseh´n! Uns´re Blicke sind so stark jeder tanzt wie ich es sag´. Schwache Beine bleiben steh´n, Panzermenschen weitergeh´n!” Every line was punctuated by a brief break in the words by a burst of music that seemed to pull the audience in deeper. “Feiern wir die Energie, diese Kraft verschwindet nie!” The words paused again, but this time instead of preparing another set of lines, Derpy leaned into the mike.
“COMPUTER! MASCHINE! PANZERMENSCH!” The space between each word was filled by a shout from the crowd, now fully absorbed by the quick, heavy beats of the song. “Geh g´radeaus- geh g´radeaus. COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g’radeaus- lass es raus!” The music continued as the crowd began leaping wildly, trying to keep in step with the music. Derpy moved near the edge of the stage, ponies reaching desperately for her.
“Wir kämpfen um den Siegeszug, Panzermenschen kriegen nie genug! Kriege sind zum Tanzen da, uns´re Freiheit ist so nah!” Her ‘k’s came out harsh while the ‘g’s seemed almost to stick in her throat. “COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g´radeaus- geh g´radeaus. COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g’radeaus- lass es raus!” Now Derpy held the microphone a little looser, as though she was about to turn it to the crowd. “ZEIT BEREIT!”
The crowd was eager and, as she turned it, they repeated the words with a slight change. “Immer bereit!”
“ZEIT BEREIT!”
“Immer bereit!”
“ZEIT BEREIT!”
“Immer bereit!”
“Hier komt der Panzermensch!” Vinyl pressed a button and a deeper version of Derpy’s earlier voice played. “[Maschine] [Oooh-woaaah-ooooh] Hier komt der Panzermensch! [Maschine!] [Oooh-woaah-ooooh-aaaaah-oooooh].”
The music became slightly more ominous as the crowd repeated themselves over and over again. “Wha… Wha… wha… wha!”
Derpy flipped a switch on the mike and her voice came out incredibly deep. “Computer, Maschine.” She turned it back and allowed the music to continue again. Bouncing slightly with the beat. “Uns´re Körper sind so heiss. Strobofeuer, stolzer Schweiss. Lebe diesen Rythmus aus gehe g´radeaus und lass es raus. COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g´radeaus- geh g´radeaus. COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g’radeaus- lass es raus! ZEIT BEREIT! [Immer bereit!] ZEIT BEREIT! [Immer bereit!] ZEIT BEREIT! [Immer bereit!] Hier komt der Panzermensch! [Maschine] [Oooh-woaaah-ooooh] Hier komt der Panzermensch! [Maschine!] [Oooh-woaah-ooooh-aaaaah-oooooh]”
The music changed, resembling something clockwork that had been wound extremely tight. A tom punctuated slightly lessening intervals as the music built once more. As one, Derpy and the crowd began yelling. “Computer! Maschine! Panzermensch! Geh g´radeaus- geh g´radeaus. Computer! Maschine! Panzermensch! Geh g’radeaus.” Derpy hit the switch on her mike again as the crowd when momentarily silent.
“Lass es raus,” her mechanically deepened voice roared out over the crowd.
She returned it to normal and continued. “COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g´radeaus- geh g´radeaus. COMPUTER! [hey!] MASCHINE! [hey!] PANZERMENSCH! Geh g’radeaus- lass es raus! ZEIT BEREIT! [Immer bereit!] ZEIT BEREIT! [Immer bereit!] ZEIT BEREIT! [Immer bereit!] Hier komt der Panzermensch! [Maschine] [Oooh-woaaah-ooooh] Hier komt der Panzermensch! [Maschine!] [Oooh-woaah-ooooh-aaaaah-oooooh]”
As one, the wall-eyed mare and the crowd cried out. “IMMER BEREIT!”
The music droned on as the crowd waited anxiously to hear the song continue. They were fully entranced by the rhythmic, almost mechanical music the grey mare had conjured up. They swayed in time with the music, enormous grins on their faces even as their eyes were closed, heads held up towards the sky.
Derpy began singing again, her voice artificially lowered once more. “Computer; Maschine!” she paused for a moment to let the music continue. “Computer; Maschine!” The pause after this one was slightly shorter. “Computer; Maschine!” Each time she said it there was less and less of a break between. “Computer; Maschine!” before long she was saying it one after the other. “Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine! Computer; Maschine!”
Then, as the music ended the crowd yelled, “IMMER BEREIT!”
The speakers went silent and Derpy stood on stage, motionless. Her head was lowered once more and she was breathing heavily, sweat dripping from her mane. The crowd burst into applause and she looked up, a goofy smile splitting her face. She bowed and began flapping her wings, flying from the stage. She hadn’t gone more than a few feet when she crashed into one of the massive speakers. She fell quickly and the front rows of the crowd leapt forward to catch her. She quickly joined Pinkie in being bounced around by the crowd.
Derpy threw her hooves in the air, “Woo-hoo!” as she was continuously launched by a crowd of thrilled ponies. Someone tossed her a muffin as she passed and she chomped into it eagerly. Pinkie was passed near her and she held her hoof out to Derpy.
“Great job out there Derps,” she yelled over the ponies beneath them, “knew I could count on you to set this thing off right!” Derpy took the accepted hoof bump and returned to her muffin. A large box of them had somehow joined the one while she was talking with Pinkie. She opened it up.
“BLUEBERRY! MINE!” Crumbs flew everywhere as the baked goods were horribly slaughtered in their home- even the young wrappers found themselves brutally destroyed by the merciless winged giant.
“Panzermensch” is property of “And One,” a wonderful German band. I claim no ownership over it and urge you to look into their music. It sounds just as good whether you understand it or not.
Here, have a translation of the lyrics. Please note that I’m not fluent in German (yet) and if you see an error, let me know.
Deine Schritte sind so schön Your steps are so beautiful
tanzen wir das Wiederseh´n Dance our reunion
Uns´re Blicke sind so stark Our looks are so strong
jeder tanzt wie ich es sag´ Everyone is dancing as I say
Schwache Beine bleiben steh´n Weak legs will stay
Panzermenschen weitergeh´n Tank men will go forward
Feiern wir die Energie We celebrate the energy
diese Kraft verschwindet nie This power will never fade
-
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - geh g´radeaus Go straight forward- go straight forward!
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - lass es raus! Go straight forward- let it out!
((I’m guessing that “geh g’radeaus” is meant to be taken as “go on”))
-
Wir kämpfen um den Siegeszug We fight for the triumphal procession
Panzermenschen kriegen nie genug Tank men never get enough
Kriege sind zum Tanzen da Wars are for dancing
uns´re Freiheit ist so nah Our freedom is so near
-
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - geh g´radeaus Go straight forward- go straight forward!
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - lass es raus! Go straight forward- let it out!
-
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
-
Hier kommt der Panzermensch (Maschine) Here comes the tank men! (Machine)
Hier kommt der Panzermensch (Maschine) Here comes the tank men! (Machine)
-
(COMPUTER, MASCHINE) Computer, machine
-
Uns´re Körper sind so heiss Out bodies are so hot
Strobofeuer, stolzer Schweiss (Strobo?) fire, proud sweat
Lebe diesen Rythmus aus Live this rythym to the full
gehe g´radeaus und lass es raus Go straight forward and let it out!
((Once again, pretty sure that’s meant as “go on” or “go ahead”))
-
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - geh g´radeaus Go straight forward- go straight forward!
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - lass es raus! Go straight forward- let it out!
-
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
-
Hier kommt der Panzermensch (Maschine) Here comes the tank men! (Machine)
Hier kommt der Panzermensch (Maschine) Here comes the tank men! (Machine)
-
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - geh g´radeaus Go straight forward- go straight forward!
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - lass es raus! Go straight forward- let it out! COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - geh g´radeaus Go straight forward- go straight forward!
COMPUTER, MASCHINE, PANZERMENSCH Computer! Machine! Tank men!
geh g´radeaus - lass es raus! Go straight forward- let it out!
-
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
Zeit bereit (immer bereit) Be ready! (Always ready!)
-
Hier kommt der Panzermensch (Maschine) Here comes the tank men! (Machine)
Hier kommt der Panzermensch (Maschine) Here comes the tank men! (Machine)
IMMER BEREIT! Always ready!
The song is “Derp Face” by Parry Gripp
The assembled ponies awaited the next singer with baited breath- who could possibly follow that?!?
As if in answer to their (mostly) unasked question, a brown stallion with a dark brown mane quickly ran onto the stage. A large hourglass covered his flanks and he wore a collar and bowtie. He stood on his hind legs and pointed the other two at Vinyl. “Hit it!” he yelled and spun around. As he faced back towards the crowd, he pulled at the ends of his bowtie.
The music began playing- the light strumming of a bass with drums almost overwhelming it. Much of the music was a repeated beat on a tom- it sounded almost like clapping. He smiled and began singing to the light, upbeat music.
“Derp Face, Derp Face I love you.” His song was quick and happy, very different from Derpy’s song. Ponies began gushing over the first few lines as he said them- this had to be the mysterious ‘Doctor’ she was always speaking of; everyone had assumed he was just a product of the ruined mind of the lonely, handicapped mare. After her performance though, everyone was rethinking what they ‘knew’ about the mailmare.
“Your eyes are all googly and your face is askew.” He winked at the grey pegasus being bounced by the crowd as she murdered muffin after muffin, their fluffy, innocent lives being ripped into warm, sweet chunks by her unforgiving hooves. The crowd instantly began moving her towards the stage.
As she reached it, he picked up an electric guitar from next to one of the speakers and began playing it- its sounds melding perfectly with the song. “With your knick-knack-doodle-wack lopsided smile, Derp Face, Derp Face, you’re just my style!” She was now standing next to him, her face coloured by a deep flush. Unsure what to do, she sat on the stage, partially hiding her head behind her hooves, but still looking up at the stallion that meant so much to her.
“Herp-derp!” With each word he stomped a hoof on the stage and a firework shot out from behind it. “Derp derpy-derp derp!” He now slid out of the strap of the guitar, though he continued playing for a moment. “Derp derp derpidy, derp derp derp derp!”
Throwing the guitar to the side, he seized Derpy by the hooves and began dancing with her, swinging his legs wildly in what some in the crowd assumed was the ‘swing dancing’ Derpy had once claimed he taught her- they always thought that she was having a seizure or something. The music switched to an even happier sounding style. The sounds of the guitar continued, arousing some suspicion until they saw that Vinyl had caught it and was now playing as her rear hooves fiddled with keys on her soundboard. What sounded like a mix between a buzzing noise and a keyboard was now mixed in with the guitar- the clapping-like drum sounds still sounded behind the music, now carried on by the crowd.
The music returned to how it had been and the Doctor swirled Derpy into him. “Herp-derp, herp-derp Derpy Doo,” he continued singing. He leaned in close to the grey mare. “Derp Face, Derp Face, I~ love you!” The song ended as his head shot forward, his lips meeting with the giggling pegasus. Derpy froze momentarily before raising a hoof to his cheek and leaning into the kiss. The crowd cheered and someone in the middle whistled. Somehow, this strange stallion had managed to top the amazing performance put on by the towns, now, beloved mailmare.
A weird humming noise filled the air, seeming to grate across the sound waves. A blue glow appeared around the two on stage and, with a clap of the Doctor’s hooves, a large blue box took the two ponies’ place. Just as quickly as it appeared, it vanished with the same whirring noise, leaving the stage completely empty.
The crowd was stunned into silence at the dramatic exit. Someone near the back began stomping their hooves together and, after a slight delay, the entire congregation was cheering and stomping.
“Wow,” said Pinkie. She had left the crowd surfing during the song and was now standing off to the side where Applejack was selling cider. “I didn’t know he had it in him.”
“Neither did I,” the Doctor responded. He was leaning against the stand like Pinkie was. Applejack, busy cheering for the song, was startled by his sudden appearance.
“How didja- I mean- where? How in tarnation didja get off that stage and back here so quickly?”
“TARDIS,” Pinkie responded.
“Tar-what?” Applejack had no idea what was going on. The Doctor moved to explain but Pinkie just shook her head quickly, cutting him off.
“So,” said Pinkie, a mischievous smile on her face, “did you two come straight back here?”
“In a manner of speaking.” The brown stallion gulped down a mug of cider and trotted off.
