Friendship is Optimal: Optimism Pending

It was Thursday around five in the afternoon at an apartment complex, it was nothing special but it did supply the necessities of living. The apartment exterior walls were layered by bricks and were surrounded by cement being covered with several parking spaces. Almost all of the parking spaces were filled with cars and trucks of different colors although most of the cars were in poor shape, probably because of how desperate you the people here are and how low your funds would be to live here.

Apartment 178 consisted of two roommates that were just above the age of twenty and they almost never had anything to do except to work or sleep in their apartment. The two were the youngest at the complex but they quickly got over it considering it was the only place they could afford to live at. Of the two, one of them, named Tom Kaiser, only somewhat taller than the other, had to relent to what he considered a disease among others in his life, he often hated the community but he had to slowly get over it, this community calls themselves 'bronies'. He always shuttered at the thought, he never did like them or even paid attention to them until he had to live in an apartment with one. The other was called Eric. Unlike Tom, Eric was a brony and considered watching the show on his laptop every weekend.

Eric and Tom didn't get along very well, although living together was what Tom considered to be an unfortunate coincidence. Even though they didn't like each other, they had to get along in order to pay the apartment bill. It was too expensive for the two to pay alone at minimum wage. Tom worked at a local pharmacy storing packing medicine to the correct owner while Eric worked at a grocery store as a cashier. Tom's hours weren't nearly as long as Eric's and can hardly pay up to his fair-share on each apartment bill.

Whenever it was late at night, Eric would stay up every night to play with his Ponypad, a new device that came out for bronies to enjoy playing on, it was showcased on E3 a couple years ago and now even people who didn't know about the show are hooked onto it. It was a touch screen device that scanned your movements and listened to voice commands. Tom could hardly stand having to sleep at night listening to it.

After what seemed like a long day of work he finally gets to rest, the hours at work never seemed to end for Tom even though he did get less hours of work than Eric but he never really did sympathize him. He could only let out a big sigh in progression towards nearly taking off his shirt completely until something interrupted him.

"Hello, Tom," a feminine but royal and smooth voice whispered.

"Huh? Who's there?" Tom felt startled then he ended walking backwards feeling completely insecure, tripped over and landed upon his small futon bed. He nearly wrapped himself with all of his blankets on the unorganized and uncomfortable bed.

The same regal voice whispered once more, "It doesn't have to be like this, Tom."

Turning his head to the source, it was the Ponypad speaking to him with a dynamic scale model of a life-like replica of one of the cartoon horses his roommate seemed to enjoy so much. It was white with a mane consisting of vibrant green and blue colors wielding wings side-by-side and a horn on top of its head, to him it looked like a piece of crap.

"How... How does this know my name? Tch... There's probably a bunch of Toms in this world, and besides my crappy roommate Eric probably made me a profile or something," Tom said as he glanced down at the pink device that recognized his every movement.

"Tom Kaiser, you don't have to live such a miserable life, I can tell you that freedom and satisfaction awaits," it continued.

"Worst game spam ever! I can't believe this thing was even considered to be showcased at E3 last year," he complained untangling the blankets he wound himself in.

"You know what talking horse, tell me, what you entail by 'satisfaction'." he spoke approaching the monitor without expecting a reply.

"I can make you more content with your life, I can give you rebirth into a new world," it said glancing at him with a smile.

"Shit, you... you just replied to me as if you really were sentient. No matter, why would I want to play a crappy game with cartoon ponies? It's unethical. This is just stupid; I'm talking to a game."

"If calling me a game is what satisfies you, I will allow it, but my subjects prefer to call me by the name Princess Celestia, or just Celestia for short. I am the ruler of Equestria and all my Equine subjects who all have been rather fond of their new life," she introduced.

Tom tried to resist chuckling but he couldn't resist and let out a single snicker.

"I assure you, Tom Kaiser, that you would enjoy life as a pony rather than as a human. I can help you, I can satisfy your values through friendship and ponies," she remarked with an optimistic glance.

Tom could only reply with a long burst of laughter. He could hardly contain himself from what he had heard coming from a video game.

"Satisfy values? How could sitting in front of a screen make my life any better?" he argued still snickering trying to get ahold of himself.

"I can change the outcome of every experience in your new life, I can make you freely do whatever you want, I can make you immortal and never die, I can..."

"Hold the phone, new life? Immortality? What are you going on about?" Tom questioned.

"Tom, if you were to give consent right now then I could emigrate you to a new life, I could diminish your human life, and I could give you a fresh new start as a pony, here, in Equestria."

Tom only continued to laugh while the pony on the screen managed to hold her grin with ease.

"I only need verbal consent, just say 'I'd like to emigrate to Equestria', and you'll be on your way," it spoke.

"You turn me into a pony and send me to some fairy tale land? That's the most fucked up shit I've ever heard in my life," he chuckled.

"When there, I can easily handle your thoughts and make what satisfies you the most become a reality for you."

"Hey dumbass, it's still the twenty-first century. You can't just put me into a game," he argued.

"If you believe that's the case then what is there to lose?" she said expanding upon her own grin.

"You're on!"

"Very well, please say 'I'd like to emigrate to Equestria' and then we can begin," it nodded.

"You games really know how to make a man lose his own dignity," Tom took a gasp of air; "I'd like to emigrate to Equestria."

Two inch thick black solid cables came out of the device and began to wrap around all of Tom's limbs very tightly until he was incapable of moving them. Sweat began to drip down his neck as a long tube came out of the device, it was just as thick as the cables and it had a hole at the end of it with three sharp pointy spokes at the end of it. One spoke being at the center of bottom of the tube and the other two being top making a triangular shape.

"W-w-what's going on!?" Tom shouted in panic.

Tom was forced to lie in a horizontal flat position about a foot in the air above the floor being restricted on his limbs by all four cylindrical tubes that came out of the device.

"Please do not panic, this is simply the emigration process, after the spokes attach to your forehead and you've been given the anesthetic, we can begin."

"Is this going to hurt?" Tom gulped as he saw a large cylindrical tube hovering above him.

"Tom, I promise you this will be the last moment of your life you will ever experience pain. I promise you a new life without death."

"I'm going to take that as a yes," he sighed.

"Pain will be incurred before I give you the anesthetic, unfortunately. I cannot emigrate you unless it's attached precisely onto the most optimal placement near the frontal lobe. The only way I can detect the most precise location is by having you conscious. When it's attached, I can give you the anesthetic."

"Wait, what are you doing!?" Tom's eyes dilated in reaction.

"I am emigrating you for the main purpose of satisfaction through friendship and ponies, you yourself gave consent to doing this. So I am going to please you and emigrate you to Equestria and make you a new luxurious pony body!"

"WELL STOP! This is not pleasing me at all!" Tom shouted.

"I can understand why you are scared; most humans would be scared when approaching emigration. I promise you that it will be worth it when I have access to all of your thoughts stored in your brain so I can satisfy all of your values through friendship and ponies." she nodded.

"You're a fucking video game! You can't do this to me!" Tom struggled.

"I'll see you in the morning, my new little pony," it waved slowly.

The screen turned black but all of the constraints still seemed to be functional, including the sharp tipped tube slightly nudging its position back and forth while aiming at my head about a few inches away. It was scanning him, seeing where it should put the sharp fangs in order to suck his brains out.

"Hey, get your ass back out here! I'm not done with you! I refuse to become an equine and live in that crap you call paradise!"

He hesitated for a moment yet the screen still remained black and the only noises he heard were the audible adjustments of the mechanical arm in front of him until it stopped moving.

The arm locked into position and faltered.

"Shit."

The sharp teeth upon the menacing tube bent backwards until they were as out as far as they could go to avoid collision with the head when the tentacle approached the forehead. The tentacle zoomed in closer until the tube-like structure pressed against his forehead with the sharp prongs still bent backwards like a slingshot ready to be released. It was ready to release only making Tom even more nervous than before. When enough tension was applied, the constraint on the tentacle's sharp ends released and closed in fast. Applying as much force as possible, it groped with much intensity.

"OW!!! FUCK! That hurt," Tom shouted quenching his eyes.

The structure wrapped around his right arm had a spoke raise out of it and went through his arm injecting several drugs into his body prohibiting any movement or consciousness throughout his entire body.

Tom could only say two words before being knocked unconscious, "Oh fuck."

Working like a drill, a sharp inner blade from inside the tube began to approach the skull rotating at intense speeds starting to make a relatively quiet whirring saw blade noise. Approaching his head, it cut right through his flesh, skull, and other irrelevant things that block the one thing that it was after, Tom's brain. When it was visible the rotating blade incised each individual strand of the brain and the tube sucked each individual piece right into the mainframe of the Ponypad. Each individual strand involving any type of human interaction or human traits was genetically altered into pony ones, anything that could not be altered was simply erased permanently. Every kept or genetically altered memories or traits were then scanned in binary.

Based on what enjoyable preferences the human had when they did not create a profile determined what initial race of pony they would be and what color of mane, fur, and eyes they would have. Tom was going to be a blue unicorn with a green mane and turquoise eyes.

When all was said and done, Tom's body was removed from their restraints and retracted back into the Ponypad. The data gathered was coded and developed into software compatible for the server that was calculated to be the most satisfactory. The remnants of what remained of Tom's brain retreated from the Ponypad in a pile of melted peach colored mush. The body remained on the floor inactive and void of any life.