Doubt

by Shadowreaver

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Lyra, Romance, Bon-Bon, Slice of Life
Length: 2192

A young unicorn mare has trouble sleeping.

Lyra, awaking from a half-remembered dream in the middle of the night, tosses and turns as her head fills with increasingly troubling thoughts.

All that is apparent is that it prominently featured the mare closest to her.

Published 2012-12-27 02:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-27 02:50:02 UTC

Night

The first thing she could hear was her breaths coming slowly and evenly, one after the other, and she soon went into that dreadful state of being quite aware of each intake and expulsion of air from her lungs. One, two, three. In. Out. In. Out. A long drawn out one, followed by a short gasping breath. Another short and violent intake of air followed as she noticed that the coat of her teal muzzle felt moist, damped by something. Dear Celestia, was she crying? The reflexive sniffling she heard and the sudden awareness that she was now wiping away very real tears seemed to confirm this. But in her half-waking state, she couldn't for the life of her understand why.

The young mare was able to put together more of the scattered and half-formed thoughts of a mind caught between the world of the living and those of the dream. Put together, these formed some semblance of a coherent reason as to why the world was suddenly feeling so utterly bleak, lifeless and alone. The smell of baked bread came to her thoughts first, then the color of sand, then a name. Bon Bon.

The instant that name popped into her head was the instant she regained full sense of herself and snapped back into the land of the living, whatever wispy and ethereal dream reality fading rapidly away back into the nothingness from whence it came. With this new coherence, Lyra was able to have her first conscious thought of the night.

Go to back sleep. Just fricken go to sleep. Do it filly. Sleep. Just sleep. SLEEEEEEEEP

Heaving her pillow up and shoving in over her head, Lyra gave a silent scream into the pillow case, venting out all her frustration into it's welcoming depths. This was the fifth night in a row the young unicorn mare had woken up suddenly in the middle of the night and wasn't able to go back sleep. Even despite the very concerted efforts she put forth to remedy that particular issue. Depositing her now drool-coated pillow to her side, Lyra shifted her position till she was lying upon her side; disheveled mane tossed about and bloodshot eyes peering into the blackness of her room.

The blaring green characters of 3:14 am peered back through the void in a manner that seemed mocking or even downright sinister, she hated that clock. It was not early enough to get up, but not late enough to salvage a good night's sleep. Great, just great, perfect really, not as if she had work in the morning or anything. She sniffled slightly and was once again aware of the fact that she, for some inexplicable reason, had been crying. Reaching out blindly into the darkness with her mind, the unicorn felt the shape of a small tissue box and floated it towards herself, knocking over her lyre with a clang as it brushed past. The golden light of her magic briefly illuminating her bedroom and further grounded her in reality.

She wiped her eyes with a tissue, crumpling the tear-stained thing up and dropping it unceremoniously upon the floor next to her bed. She was fully awake now, and rather angry about it. She was the type of mare that could never just get back to sleep if she woke up from an interrupted slumber. She needed that full 8 hours or nothing. Besides, she was still very bothered as to why she had been crying. She wasn't exactly the type of mare to break out into waterworks very often, but by the way her eyes stung, she could tell she had been bawling.

Lyra wracked her brain to try and remember what she was doing right before she awoke, but there was no point. Whatever had caused her to feel this miserable and break down sobbing had been lost. She...did feel miserable though, she noticed. She felt as if she had just experienced a great and painful loss. As if suddenly something had stabbed her right in the chest with razorwire and painfully dragged it through the wound.

Bon Bon. It had to have been about Bon Bon. Something to do with Bon Bon. But what? What was with Bon Bon?

She flopped over once more, wiping the rest of her tears away with the already moist pillow. Of course it had to be something about Bon Bon. It always was. She frumpled up her snout in annoyed frustration. Was she in danger? Was it about something bad happening to Bon Bon? What could have driven her to sobbing and gasping tears? Everything was alright...right? Great, now she was starting to plant paranoid thoughts into her head. Bon Bon was fine, she was in the next room sleeping soundly as always. Right?

Lyra groaned, and buried her head back into her pillow. Was it a fight? Did they have a fight about something stupid and did Bon Bon end up leaving her on very bad terms? Was it her fault? Was she being overly clingy, driving her away? Did she falsely accuse her of something? Or maybe she caught Bon Bon with some other mare...or stallion. It would have to be a stallion, Lyra couldn't give her that, couldn't be that for her no matter how hard she tried. Of course she left her for a stallion. She wasn't good enough for Bon Bon, never would be and the harder she tried, the more she'd drive her away.

No. Shut up, stop it. Bon Bon cares deeply for you, she'd never do anything to hurt you, and you'd never do the same to her...hopefully. Whatever it was, it wasn't real, the small voice of reason in her head attempted to explain. It was just a dream. Lyra groaned again in the night. Despite what she tried to tell herself, this vague and unnerving feeling of doubt or fear, she wasn't sure which, was slowly eating away at her. It was bringing to the surface all the buried paranoid thoughts she had tried to keep locked away and dashing all hopes of falling back to sleep.

Bon Bon needed somepony who could take care of her, what could Lyra do? Play the lyre? And what, only with magic? Octavia, that earth mare that Bon Bon always teased her about, could play dozens of different instruments, with her hooves. Wouldn't she make a better partner for Bon Bon? What about that big stallion on the farm that she caught Bon Bon making eyes at? Wouldn't he treat Bon Bon like she never could? Why was Bon Bon still with a useless mare like herself? Why had she returned her own feelings anyway? What was Lyra worth? She was getting in the way of Bon Bon's friends. She couldn't even get a real concert, only played in the streets like some homeless pony begging for bits. She was holding Bon Bon back with her business. These thoughts piled upon Lyra and began crushing whatever remained of her self-worth that night.

With a heaving sigh, the unicorn mare sat up and slumped over. Now she just felt majorly depressed as well as miserable. And she still had no idea whatever her dream was.

Maybe she should just go.

Pack up all her things and just go, it'd be the right thing to do. Get out of Bon Bon's life and let her live it the way she wanted to. She'd be fine on her own, find somepony better suited for her, somepony who wasn't a mare. She wasn't sure why she ever thought this would work out. Why would Bon Bon ever love a mare like herself? It was stupid, it was pathetic, it-

“Lyra?”

A soft, feminine voice pierced through her increasingly dour thoughts quickly and suddenly without warning. Raising her head to see a dull yellow light flooding through her now open door, Lyra blinked as she made out some sort of form in the doorway.

“Are you okay? I heard a crash...are you awake?” the form said once more, slowly taking on the shape and complexion of a curvy yet stout pony, wavering candle affixed to her foreleg with a harness as she stood upon her other three. Only the vaguest of details were apparent in the dim light, chief among them the bright pink highlights of her mane and the shining dark turquoise of her eyes in the night.

The teal mare sniffled involuntary. “Bon Bon?” she uttered to the form. “Yeah, I'm awake...I uh couldn't...sleep.” she said lamely.

“What was that crash then?! You woke me up! Do you have any idea what time it is?” the other mare huffed indignantly, this wasn't the first time this had happened after all! Bon Bon crept closer, intending to give this irresponsible mare a little piece of her mind. As she approached, the pale orange light fell upon the unicorn, illuminating her golden eyes and the dark teal patches around them.

The tan mare's features softened immediately, a frown gently appearing as she set the candle down upon the nightstand and tilted her head. “...have you been...crying?”

“...no.” Lyra turned away and wiped her eyes with a hoof.

“Lyra... What's wrong? Did something happen?” Trotting up close to the other mare, she placed her own hoof upon the unicorn's shoulder comfortingly and leaned in with wide eyes filled with concern.

“...just...a bad dream is all.” Lyra turned towards the other mare, her eyes immediately being drawn in by the depths of the earth pony's dark blue eyes.

“Well, it must have been something, you look like a mess!” Her eyes flicked across the unicorn's bloodshot golden orbs, attempting to read deeply into them. With a sigh, she brushed her hoof across the unicorn's cheek “Lyra... Like you said, It was a just a dream. Go back to sleep, okay? Everything's alright now.”

Lyra wanted to say so many things...but was cowed into silence by the limitless kindness displayed in that other mare's eyes. What they silently said pushed the unicorn's previous thoughts far back into her mind and brought a soft smile to her lips as she savored the gentle touch of the earth pony's hoof.

“Yeah...yeah.” Lyra murmured out as Bon Bon wiped away a stray tear from Lyra's eyes, a matching smile upon her face.

“Bon Bon?” Lyra perked up, a sudden light in her eyes.

“Mmm?”

With a quick movement, the unicorn sneaked in a quick peck upon Bon Bon's lips, the sudden warmth of the gesture caused a shocked Bon Bon to close her eyes and melt into the kiss. A happy, low murmur coming from deep in her chest as Lyra pulled away with a light grin.

“Thanks.”

A deep blush shown through the tan of her coat as Bon Bon breathlessly whispered back, still a bit hazy from the sudden kiss.

“...for what?”

Lyra then pulled the stout earth mare into a warm embrace, nearly forcing Bon Bon back onto the bed as Lyra hopped up to her, throwing her hooves around Bon Bon.

“For being there.” she flatly said as she squeezed her marefriend tightly, nuzzling into the cleft of her neck.

“...” No response.

“Bon Bon?”

“...you're crushing me.”

“Oh.” The unicorn quickly fell back on her bed, rolling over onto her back, forelegs hugged closely to her chest.

Bon Bon took a deep breath, brushed herself off and smiled once more. “ All better now?”

Lyra quickly nodded.

“Good, I'm going back to bed.” Bon Bon stated matter-of-factly and went to grab her candle.

“Wait...um....” Lyra suddenly interrupted with an outstretched hoof interjecting between Bon Bon and the candle.

“Let me guess...you want me to spend the rest of the night with you?” Bon Bon rolled her eyes as Lyra nodded profusely once more with a stupid grin.

Bon Bon sighed deeply. “Move over...dumb unicorn.” With a silent squeal of joy, Lyra floated the blankets of the other side of her bed down in order to make a spot, golden aura lighting the room twice as much as the candle. The earth mare crawled up upon the bed, over Lyra and settled down upon the opposite side, silently shifting a bit to get comfortable on foreign bed.

She soon felt the blankets floating over her and the warmth of another body shuffled up next to her, a hot breath gently brushing at her neck. Lyra's back leg slowly pushed between her own two and she felt her cheeks grow just bit hotter as Lyra's head found itself resting upon her shoulder, sighing contently. No doubt she still had that stupid grin on her face.

“Get the light would you?” Bon Bon yawned.

“Mmmm...” Came the dreamy response as Lyra cuddled up just a bit closer, now burying herself into Bon Bon's mane. One last golden light flared up, snuffed out the dim orange one, then plunged the room back into the black, silent peace of night. Soon after, the unicorn's eyes felt heavy and wrapped in the scent, safety and warmth of the earth mare, she was soon blissfully and comfortably taken by sleep once more.