Sanctum

by InoPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2995

Twilight Sparkle has a breakdown, and finds help in the unlikeliest of places.

After weeks of studying, preparation, and experimentation, Twilight Sparkle fails to complete a spell. Ashamed of what she's done she runs away and is forced to come to terms with herself, and learns a secret that can help her cope with her problems.

Thank you to Sablestripe for saving me the embarrassment of trying to draw my own cover!

Published 2012-12-27 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-27 21:10:01 UTC

Aflame

The lavender mare ran as a pony possessed. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and flecks of gleaming spittle frothed from her muzzle from the exertion. Deep into the trees she bolted, not worrying about the monsters that resided therein; no beast that lived in these woods was as terrifying as the unicorn was to herself. Onward she ran, barely giving thought to the branches that scraped her coat and snagged at her mane, or to the dangers that lurked within the Everfree Forest that waited for little ponies such as her to wander their lands alone.

Just as Twilight Sparkle felt that she could run no further, she entered a small clearing at the top of a small hill. Exhausted, both physically and emotionally, she collapsed onto the soft grass. As her crying subsided, and her breathing slowed, she felt a small sense of peace and safety come over her at last. There was a strange calmative effect radiating from this glen. She wiped away the remainder of her tears carelessly with a fetlock, and looked around in awe. She knew Everfree forest was dangerous, but as she grew more calm, she rose to her hooves to get a better view of her surroundings.

The glade had a quiet beauty, and Twilight did not feel the usual sense of danger that had come on the few previous trips to the forest. The air was hushed and cool, and smelled fragrantly of fertile soil. And while the rest of the forest was dark and foreboding, this spot was lit with a soft, warm glow of sunlight that diffused from the leaves overhead. From her slightly elevated position upon the hill, Twilight could see a short distance into the surrounding valley.

Outside of her little glen, the forest was indeed dark and mysterious. While she could usually hear a cacophony of malicious life, now she could only hear the nearby lapping of water on an unseen bank. Although Twilight was hopelessly lost, here she felt safe and secure. Heaving a weary sigh, she returned to her previous sprawled position on the grass. Her thoughts turned to the events that led her to this place, and tears rose once more unbidden to her eyes.

For weeks Twilight had cloistered herself in the library's basement, where her she kept all her research and experiments with magic. She had been trying, unsuccessfully, to perform the spell ever since reading about it in one of her more arcane scrolls. No matter what tact she took, it just would not work. She had thoroughly researched every facet of the spell; had taken every precaution that she knew. Time after time, her horn would glow as she began the incantation, only to fizzle and pop with often disastrous consequences. She had broken more furniture, and had started more magical fires, than she had in any of her previous experiments.

On her first failed attempt, every piece of glassware had shattered at once, making her assistant Spike come running. Twilight knew that he was only trying to help, that he was worried about her, but she couldn't face the young dragon while in the midst of yet another failure. She knew that Spike looked up to her, that all her friends were there for her, but she couldn't face the looks of concern that she received whenever she was wrapped up in an experiment. It was a distraction, and she certainly didn't need anything else to hinder her progress.

The final straw had come during her last attempt to complete the incantation. Twilight could feel the magic humming in the air, imbuing everything the lab with a slight static charge. She was closer to finishing the spell than ever! All she needed to do was concentrate her focus on the task at hoof. Her horn flared brightly, as if lit from within by a purple fire. Her mane and tail were standing on end from the charge of magic in the air. Just at the peak of the magical intensity, the door to the laboratory was flung open.

As Twilight's concentration wavered, she felt the intense magic threatening to release its destructive power into the room. Straining every muscle, working every neuron and synapse in her brain, the unicorn managed to release the magical energy away from her equipment, and into the wall. The entire library shook with the concussive force, and purple lightning crackled throughout the room.

Twilight, although thoroughly drained from the effort, could feel the rage build quickly within her. Something in her mind cracked like ice on a pond. Without thinking, she spun to face the intruder. As the rage transformed her mind into blind hostility, strange changes also began to take place in her body. Her normally soft purple coat started to glow white-hot, as if it were the sun that shone on Equestria itself. Her mane and tail licked up from her body, as if aflame. An expression of pure, mindless anger took over her normally calm expression.

"Why did you dare to interrupt my work?" she bellowed, in fair imitation of a certain princess.

Her five friends looked on her visage in horror, not knowing what to do or say. They had only come to make sure Twilight was still alive, as she had not come up from the basement in days, and had not left her house in weeks. They had known Twilight to fully immerse herself in her studies before, but never had she been out of contact this long. She had also never looked like this when they'd come to rescue her. Not receiving an answer, Twilight's anger seemed to glow even hotter.

"Not only did you cost me weeks of experimentation, you could have killed us all! And now you can’t even explain yourselves?”

Applejack started to carefully walk towards her friend, with a hoof outstretched in worry.

"Sug?" she asked tentatively. At the sound of her friend's voice, Twilight suddenly started to realize the sight playing out before her eyes. All of her friends were frozen in terror, their faces lined with worry. Twilight couldn't bear seeing them like this, nor could she have her friends looking at her like that. With a blinding flash and a smell of burnt ozone, the room grew suddenly darker.

Twilight sniffled, and rubbed her nose with her hoof. The looks on her friends faces were burned into her soul, as were her failures. Not only had she failed the spell, she had failed her friends as well. They were only concerned for her safety, she realized, too late. And she had done nothing to help that concern by locking herself into her laboratory and not coming out for days. If she had taken just a little step back, away from the problem at hand, she could have saved her friends from having to see her like that.

She also realized, much too late, that taking a step back was sometimes necessary when facing such a difficult challenge. But she had thrown herself completely into her work. She always took her studies seriously, even when Princess Celestia had to warn her about working too hard. She had also always had a temper, hidden beneath the calm, intelligent facade she wore as a mask. It was very slow to build, but that just made it all the more violent when it finally breached her defenses. She had tried to hide her unending worries from everypony before, and for the most part, it had worked. But that was when it was just herself and her understanding teachers. But now, she also had friends who cared about her.

This was all such a new experience for her, and one of the reasons Princess Celestia had sent her away to Ponyville. She had made friends more easily than she had expected, and she was still learning to adjust to looking out for other ponies' feelings. They had been patient and kind, and they did not deserve a friend who would treat them this way.

A dam of emotions broke free in Twilight's heart. Her friends had seen a side of her that very few had, and she was not sure that she could face them again. Nor was she even sure they would want to see her! She certainly didn't deserve to have friends like these, since, even now, she could not trust herself to not fall back into her old habits of ignoring outside influences when she was deeply engrossed in her studies. As her old feelings of doubt rose to the top of her mind, she passed out from the toll of the stresses of the day.

Author's Note

First revision! Now with less Wall-o-Text! Thanks for all the nitpicks and help, especially Martian on IRC! Check out his stuff, I love it!

Extinguished

As Twilight Sparkle felt the full effects of the day's stresses, and the mysterious healing properties of the glade worked their magics, she drifted into a deep slumber. There were no dreams, as her body and soul required a more restorative sleep. As the shadows from the moon grew shorter, however, she awoke with a start.

Baleful noises had awakened her, and as her senses returned from their dozing, she realized she was no longer in the clearing. Instead, she was at the palace in Canterlot! all of Equestria was petitioning her for help and guidance. From atop a high balcony, she gazed across the huddled masses of ponies who felt their problems could all be solved with her intervention. The pleas and cries reached her ears and stung her heart. She could not help anypony, she was in no shape to offer guidance.

She knew it was hopeless. Her magic was closed-off from her, and she knew of no other way to help. Twilight felt a presence behind her, and could tell it was her teacher, the Princess Celestia. She turned to her mentor, to ask for help, but the look on the Princess's face stopped her cold. She had never seen this expression before; it was one of bitter disappointment. She opened her mouth to say something, but the Princess only glared, and Twilight slammed her jaw shut. At last, she was able to squeak out a feeble

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Princess.", but the glare did not subside. Left with little other choice, Twilight begged for forgiveness, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. Twilight started to sob, her breath catching in her chest with a hitch.

"Please Princess, tell me how I can make everything better!" She was at the end of her rope, the Princess had never, would never shut her out like this. Just then, she felt another pony emerge onto the balcony. Startled, Twilight looked up through red-rimmed, watering purple eyes. She beheld Princess Luna, and tried to sink down into the stone floor.

Suddenly, she felt a wing caress her body, as the Princess of the Night lay down next to her, wrapping her wing around the forlorn little unicorn.

"Twilight Sparkle", Princess Luna said as gently as she could, "Do you know why you are here?" Twilight gave an anguished cry, but the Princess only laughed calmly. It was a tinkling sound, like glass bells being lightly rung. As Twilight listened to the sound, she began to wake up.

Twilight awoke for the second time this evening. As she rubbed the tears from her eyes once more, she was startled to find Princess Luna's wing still wrapped around her.

"P...P...Princess Luna!", she wailed! "Oh Princess, I have made such a mess of everything!" The wise alicorn looked at Twilight, the knowing sympathy evident in her gaze.

"Oh my sister's dearest pupil, how it pains us to see you like this!".

Twilight could hear the concern in the Princess's voice, which made the dream-memory of Princess Celestia's silence sting even more.

"Twilight Sparkle, surely you can see that your nightmares were only such. If you truly don't believe that yourself, you can trust us, as it is our royal duty to protect the sleeping ponies
from letting their nightmares become reality."

Twilight blinked away more tears, and slowly nodded her head in understanding.

"Oh, but Princess, I have really messed things up! I've failed my duty to both Princess Celestia and my friends, and I really hurt them, too!"

The princess seemed to consider this for a moment, and then said:

"And how did you come to be here, all alone in the Everfree forest? And however did you find this delightful glade in which to rest? Are you not worried about the monsters of the forest?"

And Twilight Sparkle, for the first time, truly contemplated just where she had gone, and how.

"I...I'm not sure, Princess! I was so angry at my friends for interrupting my spell, and then I turned on them and yelled, and I got so mad that I turned into a monster! I ran away because I didn't want to hurt them more, and I didn't really pay attention to where I was going. I just sort of wound up here!".

Princess Luna pondered Twilight's reply thoughtfully.

"Hmmm, you must have really been upset for the forest to lead you here."

As night continued its march into daylight, Princess Luna told Twilight that they had much to discuss.

"But first, we need to send my sister a message, letting your friends and she know that you are all right." As the alicorn's horn began to glow, Twilight's face sunk into pure misery. She should have known that her friends, and indeed her mentor, would not stop caring for her for just one outburst of anger. She had managed to hurt her friends yet again, and the self-pity and loathing were reaching a critical mass.

Her message being sent, Princess Luna saw the expression on the much younger mare's face, and proceeded to give her a lecture.

"Twilight Sparkle, we have been watching you ever since The Elements of Harmony freed us from our selfish prison, and we have come to the conclusion that we owe you a debt. We see something of ourselves in you, Twilight. Always trying to please our sister; always the diligent pupil." Upon hearing this, Twilight gasps.

"Oh yes, little one, you always knew you weren't her first student, even if you are her favorite!".

Twilight swooned upon hearing somepony else say what she has always known in her heart. She caught herself, and started to blush, a deep maroon on top of her lavender coat. Princess Luna noticed her, and smiled warmly.

"Long before there was anypony else, we were our sister's student. And we still remember how completely impossible such a position could be! Yes, Celestia is certainly very wise and knowledgeable about many things, but she can be a poor teacher."

Twilight gave a soft little gasp, tempered by her deeply repressed feelings of agreement.

"So needless to say," the dark princess continued, "We can certainly understand and sympathize with you on these feelings. You feel the need to measure up to almost impossible standards, and hold your prized teacher in the highest esteem of perfection. But our sister is far from perfect! No pony is truly perfect, Twilight, and you can not ever hope to be."

Twilight hung her head dejectedly. She had known this all along, but had never stopped trying to achieve the impossible, at any cost. As if reading her thoughts, the princess added:

"Yes, perfection is a laudable goal, but one must be aware of the costs. We made this mistake once, and we suffered what felt an eternity in punishment! Do you now fully understand this, Twilight Sparkle?"

Twilight felt as if a burden had been lifted. She sniffled one last time, and absently ran a fetlock across each eye.

"Yes, Princess."

"Please, Twilight, it is just us now. You may call me Luna."

Epilogue

"Before you return to your friends, Twilight, we would like to give you this last gift." Luna opened her wings with a flourish.
"This glade was our hideaway. When things felt out of control, when we could hold our temper no longer, we would come to this tranquil glade in the forest. To make sure that nothing disturbed us here, we placed upon it heavy enchantments and protections. Know this: if this glade had not sensed you coming in your distressed state and felt your great need, it would have not let you approach and enter. No creature has been in this place, save for us. It is our quiet place, which we used to calm ourselves and escape from the stresses that would build. "

"In time, near the end, we had gotten so out of control that even this place could not help. Our stubbornness eventually led us to become... that Nightmare. We would not see something like this happen to you, Twilight Sparkle. Work and learn, study and play. And if you need this place again, we have set a new spell to help you teleport directly here."

"And also, we would be most grateful, if you would call upon us to talk, should you again feel so overburdened. We see so much of what we used to be in you, and we will not see again what we had become. We would rather call you friend. This is your quiet place, Twilight Sparkle, and here you are always welcome. Now come along, you have kept your friends worried long enough!"

And with that, Princess Luna teleported them both back to Twilight's library.

Author's Note

I felt that I had more to tell, but not enough for a new chapter! This is my first story, and it has taken me a lot of effort to overcome personal barriers to share it with you. I appreciate your honest-as-Applejack feedback, and think I'd like to try and share more stories with you all!