Honey I Teleported the Kids

by Coexistence_Equality

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Other, Sex, Random, Human, Main 6
Length: 1709

A strugleing inventor attempts to create a device that would allow doctors to cure cancer by hand. One man's success is his children's headache.

A nobody inventor by the name of Scott Stevens has tried his whole life to be successful. He tried sports, fractured his spine, he tried music, damaged his eardrums, and he tried science, gave himself cancer. Now he tries his hand at inventing to solve all of the problems he has caused himself. A machine, one that could shrink a human and insert them into the body with the equipment needed to solve medical catastrophes. His success has led this two children into the Magical Land of Equestria, and only one of them is exited. Now both of them must find there way out before they meet their 1/4 of and inch tall fate.

Rated for sexual jokes and references. Warning: Language

Published 2012-12-29 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-29 18:30:01 UTC

The Machine

The gears, wires, and computers completely surrounded the small man as he moved from place to place adjusting things and making sure everything was in place. Today was important. Today was the day his invention was going to be shown to the public and either given the OK or thrown into the crap heap of all of this other failed attempts at success. The man looked down at the wheel chair he occupied all hours of the day. The memories of his short lived high school football career sent him back into the depression that had been attacking him like a plague for the last six months. He reached into his coat pocket and popped the cap from his trusty pill bottle. Downing two of the little white pills he could almost feel the drugs relieve him of the sadness as he continued preparations for the arrival of the University of Science and Technology. Everything had to be perfect, for him, his kids, and his sanity. His concentration was broken at the sound of footsteps and arguing coming up the stares. He turned to face the door awaiting the storm to come, only three people interrupted him while he was upstairs, ~~his demons~~ his children.

The door was almost thrown off its hinges at the entrance of his only daughter and his youngest son. The girl held an iPhone 5 between her index finger and thumb as it dripped on the floorboards. She held it at arms length as if to keep the liquid from her outfit of a tee shirt and skinny jeans. Her pink and black hair covered one eye as the other was locked in a deadly staring contest with the offending phone. Her left arm held her brother in a half strangle half headlock. His cries for mercy actively falling on deaf ears left nothing for him to do but be brought along for the ride as his sister's death march threatened his beloved tee shirt of a pink pony.

"DAD! THIS LITTLE SHIT STOLE MY iPHONE AND PUT IT IN THE TOILET!"

"DAD! SHE'S CRAZY SHE TRIED TO RIP MY PINKIE SHIRT AND SHE LIT MY LUNA SHIRT ON FIRE!"

"Um, kids."

"I WOULDN'T HAVE BURNED YOUR STUPID PONY SHIRT IF YOU HAD JUST MINDED YOUR OWN BUSINESS!"

"I JUST WANTED TO PLAY FRUIT NINJA I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN TO SEE THOSE PICTURES!"

"Kids!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST ASKED NOT STOLE MY PHONE!"

"YOU JUST WOULD HAVE TOLD ME NO ANYWAY!"

"KIDS!"

The two squabbling siblings looked to their father with wide eyes at his sudden outburst, the son trying to anyway but not having much movement settled with staring wide-eyed at the floor. The man silently reached into his coat pocket and produced a handkerchief. He gracefully unfolded the cloth with the hands of a repeated gesture and coughed red into the already red stained fabric.

"Katie let go of your brother."

The girl relaxed her grip before dropping her brother like a dead weight onto the ground.The boy stayed on the floor recovering his breath before standing up and brushing himself off paying particular attention to his shirt.

"Good, now, DV why did you throw your sister's phone into the toilet?"

The boy sidestepped away from his sister until he was out of arm's reach before delivering his side of the story. He learned long ago his sister talks with her punches.

"Well, I wanted to play fruit ninja so I asked to use her phone. She said no and told me to fuck off. I told her you said not to use that language so she said that I should stop being a little bitch and to take my gay, pony loving, high pitched voice, ass and lock it in my room along with myself. I told her she was just being mean because I was her younger brother, so she told me to act my age. I told her that She needed to act her age so she hit me. I stole her phone and ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. While I tried to play fruit ninja she got a text. I, on accident, looked at it. There was a picture file attached to is so I took a look and well it was...well...heh...it was a friend of her's sending mhmmmmhmmhhhmmhm!"

His last few words were cut short by his sister's hand covering his mouth. "Heh, dad doesn't need to know what the pictures were does he?" The boy nodded furiously before being silenced with a quick jab in the rips. He slowly shook his head and slumped down to the ground cradling his side and groaning in pain. Letting go of her brother Katie put on her best poker face and stared back at her dad.

"Actually I am very curious as to what these pictures were of and would like to know young lady."

"Heh...oh, Dad isn't it enough that my phone is destroyed...there's no need to talk about those pictures...heh..."

The boy suddenly took off toward his dad on all fours and kept going until he ran head first into the rather large machine that dominated the small attic. "HER BOYFRIEND WAS SENDING HER NUDES BRO!"

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Katie's face froze in fear. Later she was going to kill her brother, but right now all she could focus on was her father's shocked face. Well, before he started laughing that is.

The aging man wiped a tear from his eye as his laughter subsided.

"Well, Katie your grounded, I would say no phone, but I think that's taken care of. DV your also grounded for throwing your sister's phone into the toilet."

The concussive 'WHAT's from the two teenager's almost blew the hearing aids out of the man's ears.

)----(

DV sat next to the machine with wide eyes. If this machine could do what his dad said it could do he might, just might be able to go to the one place he's always dreamed of visiting: Equestria. He messed around with the various computer controls and used what his father had taught him to re-configure the data. Standing up he placed the laptop-like computer on the machine and smiled. It just might work. Well that thought was short lived as he heard the heavy *thud* of his sister's boots against the wood of the stairs. DV scrambled to the elevator installed for his dad's wheelchair before she caught him. Too bad he wasn't that fast.

"What are you doing up here?"

The boy turned slowly and let on a small smile.

"Heh...nothing....just checking out Dad's equipment."

Her reply was a snort followed by the usual. "You are such a nerd."

DV headed back to the machine quizzically glancing at his sister from time to time. She returned these glances with a death stare.

"So how come you haven't tried to kill me yet?" DV was confused. By now his sister would usually resort to Viet Cong torture tactics over something small, this was her phone, destroying it was like killing her kitten, who by the way, was as crazy as its owner.

Katie simply stared at her brother with that death glare before answering. "Dad said that if he still has two kids by next week he would buy me another."

DV's face lit up at this news. "So no bamboo splinters or electrocution? Awesome,"

Katie rolled her eyes at her brother's wierdness. "What are you really doing anyway?"

DV turned from the laptop with a sheepish grin. "Well remember when dad said this was a shrink ray and a sort of 'teleportation' device? Well I figure I could turn off the shrink ray option and just use the teleportation option, thus allowing me to go to anyplace I please."

Katie looked at her little brother confused. "Yep you are definitely Dad's kid. You confuse me just as easily as he does."

DV smiled, leave it to his sister to make him feel like an idiot. Tapping the keyboard a couple times with his fist he turned to his sister.

"Alright, if I know what I'm talking about, this should take us to whatever dimension I please. Now even though I hold the utmost confidence in my ability to deal with Dad's creations, I still would like to test this out on something that isn't us. Or alive for that matter. That being said, can I borrow that old teddy bear that mom gave you?"

DV continued to tinker with the keyboard as his sister eyed him. "I'll lend him to you, but you must know that I love The Professor more than I will every even think of liking you."

DV smiled, his sister always had a way of turning anything he said into a joke. As Katie's boots descended Dv continued his assault against the keyboard. This was going to work even if he had to make it.

)----(

"Sir, should I retrieve the books from the 'practice' pile?"

"No Merry Day, but thank you for your assistance in this matter."

"I would never let a member of the BlueBlood heritage go anywhere without aid."

"Please Merry Day, do not remind me of my filth of a family."

"By Celestia! You do not honestly think that of your own family do you?"

"They're stuck-up snobs who wouldn't know real education if it bit them."

"Well, where are you going with so many books?"

The soft teal glow of magic filled the room as saddlebag after saddle bag was lifted into transport carts outside of the Canterlot Library. Swift Learner stood among the overstuffed saddlebags counting each as they gently landed in cart after cart. A house maid stood nearby looking onto the scene with worry.

"Well Merry Day, I am taking my research to the only pony in Equestria who could help me with my cross-dimensional theories. Celestia's student Twilight Sparkle should prove helpful. Merry Day watch the house would you?"

"Of course sir."

"Right, good day then."

Merry Day couldn't help but chuckle as Swift Learner made his way off to the train station.

"How in Celestia's mane is he going to get those books on that train?"