Chaos Club

by Xartis

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Discord, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 1211

Discord was feeling awfully bored, so he decided to go find something to do. He came across a nice little club devoted to chaos, called 'Chaos Club'.

Discord was feeling awfully bored, so he went out and looked for something to do in the large world he was living in. He found a small, local club called 'Chaos Club' and decided to join. He soon found that he didn't really fit in...

Published 2012-12-27 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-27 20:50:01 UTC

Part 1

Discord sat. He sat and he stared. He sat and he stared and he sighed. The chair he was on was terribly undersized for him, as it was made for short hairless apes, two of which apes were sitting opposite him looking awkward. In a chair to his left was a blue, humanoid, gelatinous thing, it's pink, gooey brain visibly bobbing around in it's head. It had absorbed it's name tag, which had read 'Chaos'. In a chair to Discord's right was a meter wide sphere of distorted light, he was just here to look at chaos, not really a chaotic being. Then the hairless apes that for some reason don't like being called by their Latin names because they're insecure. They were playing with little figurines they call 'Warhammer', Discord didn't know what they had to do with chaos, he didn't want to find out either.

He tried to start a conversation with chaos, who replied by making some sort of gargling sound. Discord slumped in his chair, he glanced at the distorted light, who returned a wistful glance, he was astonished by chaos and wanted to understand it. Unfortunately you can only have chaos if you don't understand it, Discord had learnt that centuries ago, he tries not to think about it too much, however the nature of chaos usually tends to plant the idea in his head again.

Discord was staring distastefully at a waiter robot who was offering him a tray of biscuits and tea and repeating the phrase "How many sugars would you like with that Insert title that depends on gender." He was feeling awfully bad about the whole idea of coming to the club, just then, the presenter walked in. He wore a smile that was slightly too big for his face, his clothes were likewise.
He then said something in the most ridiculous tone anyone with ears can hear in their lifetime "Hi there guys! So I hear you're all interested in chaos?" He paused for the enthusiastic cheer.
There was none. "Okay then! Lets get started with this, could you all tell me something about yourselves?" He pointed to the distorted light.
He spoke in the sixth-dimension "Well my name is Jeff, As you can see I'm a..."
The presenter interrupted him, as all he could see was the light rippling slightly faster than normal. "Okay then, we gotta shy-guy! What about you chaos?"
Chaos happily replied "Glaghlegleglelge, scha scha grgle grah grah!"
The presenter gave an uneasy smile and muttered to himself 'Oh boy, this is gonna be a tough day...'

Discord spoke "Hi the..." The presenter stopped him.
"Woah there! You've got to put your hand up before you speak!"
Discord put his hand up lamely, the presenter pointed at him "You there!"
Discord looked down and shook his head "So we have to put our hands up to speak, in a club devoted to chaos?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Well then, I'm Discord, God of Chaos."
"Are you sure you're the God of Chaos?" One of the humans spoke.
"Yes, I'm fairly sure."
The other spoke "Wouldn't you be the God of Discord?"
"Discord is Chaos."
"No it's not!" the first human said.
The second followed it up "Chaos is a telekinetic force that does psychic damage."
Discord stared at them, a look of worry on his face "No. No. Chaos is a lack of order, and Discord is disagreement between people. When people disagree there is chaos most of the time."
Both the humans started to rant at Discord, who only looked down and sighed "This is gonna be a tough day..."

Part 2

The group had just had a short lunch break. Discord had eaten some small cucumber sandwiches with a generous amount of butter, along with some shortbread biscuits. Jeff (The distorted light, for those with bad memory) had eaten some red hue from a rainbow. Chaos had absorbed what seemed to be an emerald and had visibly grown a few feet higher after doing so. The two humans ate basically everything.

They all sat back down in their small circle and waited. The presenter walked into the room in the most orderly way possible, which annoyed Discord somewhat. The presenter smiled "I hope you're all having fun so far?"
Everyone responded with silence "Well, okay then! We better get started on some fun activities!"
Discord died slightly inside.
"We're gonna play a game of Poker, well I am anyway. Discord, you can play Go Fish, Chaos can play Solitaire. Umm... Light-thing, you can play Rummy, and you two can both play Spades!"
Discord sat up, the idea of everyone playing a different-same game was slightly fun. It would certainly be easier to cheat.

Everyone sat around a table that Chaos had found somewhere. Discord looked at the human that was thinnest "Have you got any threes?"
The human just looked confused "How do you play Spades?"
Jeff spoke "So what do I do with this four?"
Chaos gargled something, probably about needing a four for one of his stacks.
The fatter of the two humans had gotten bored and started making a card house, which promptly fell down when chaos slammed his hand onto the table.
Discord placed his hand (As in hand of cards, by the way) on the table "This is too chaotic for even me to keep up with. I'm just going to say I won. What's next?"
"We could always play some Warhammer." Said the thin guy.
The presenter looked disgusted "What do you think this is? Geek Club?"
"Well Warhammer has chaos in it. I thought we could play it, because it had chaos in it. Chaos..."
The presenter sighed "How about everyone tells me what they want to do, and we'll have a vote or something."
Discord spoke "I think we..."
"Hand!"
Discord rolled his eyes and put his hand up "I think we should talk about chaos."
"Warhammer!" The two humans yelled.
"Gargle glach gargle gle gle!" Chaos bellowed.
"I think we should talk more about our social lives, with that I think we can leave those two out of the conversation." Jeff pointed to the two humans, who didn't hear what he had said, as their ears could not hear sixth-dimensional speech.
The presenter thought for a moment "I like Discord's idea the best, this is chaos club after all!"

The presenter sat down and looked at Discord "So, seeing as you suggested it, you should talk about it."
Discord laughed "I don't talk about chaos, the more you talk about it, the more you look like an idiot. I can show you some though." Discord clicked his finger and thumb together, causing a candy floss cloud to appear in the room. Discord grabbed a glass and held it under the cloud, allowing the chocolate rain to pour fall into it. He then drank the glass and threw the chocolate milk over his shoulder, causing a large explosion.
He glanced around the room "That, my friends, is chaos."
There was silence.
Then the thin guy spoke again "I still think it's a psychic attack..."

Author's Note

I've run out of ideas for the rest of the story...
I'll come back to it.