Secret Crush

Joe parked the car in front of the bar and turned off the car, figures they’d call him to come pick them up but wouldn’t be waiting for him. Joe sighed to himself as he got out of his car and approached the bar, he could hear ponies inside having the time of their lives: yelling, swearing, beer bottles breaking. Joe opened the front door to the bar and several ponies looked over to him, not all were his team mates, there were other noticeable public figures like: Snowflake, Derpy, nurse Redheart and for some reason the Wonderbolts were here.

“HEY JOE!” Dandelion yelled out and all the team members looked over to him and cheered “EHHHHHHH”. Joe looked at the bar, it was an absolute mess, the bar manager was going to kill Tanner’s brother for this. “Okay… who’s drunk and needs to be brought home?” Joe asked, getting straight to the point of why he was there in the first place. “Awe come on Joe, have a drink” Dandelion replied drunkenly. “No thanks, now seriously who’s going home?” Joe asked.

Dandelion got up and staggered over to him “Awe come on Joey… just a little lie we told to get you over here and have a drink with us” Dandelion said, his speech slurring several times. “No… sorry to have to disappoint you but I’ll just be going now” Joe replied but Dandelion held on to his friend by the shoulder, refusing to let his friend leave the bar. “Come on Joey… you’re here… why not have a drink” Dandelion slurred and Joe smirked, “Cause I don’t want to end up like you, drunk and slurring my sentences” Joe laughed.

“HEY YOU LITTLE PRICK” yelled a voice from across the bar, Joe looked over to see that Pipsqueak had become severely intoxicated and accidently fallen over onto a pool table, knocking several pool balls into the holes and ruining the other ponies pool game. “Oh… sorry man… didn’t…” Pipsqueak tried to talk but couldn’t think due to his intoxication level and ended up just laughing drunkenly. “You think that’s funny you little prick?” the larger stallion said and picked Pipsqueak up and smashed his small frame against the bar wall.

Pipsqueak yelled out in pain and several football players looked over to see their small friend get smashed into the wall, but Joe was the fastest to react, due to him not having an intoxication level. Joe grabbed the aggressor’s foreleg, “Hey bub, leave the kid alone, he didn’t mean nothing by it” Joe said politely. The stallion sneered “I’ll do whatever the fuck I want”.

“Then pick on someone your own size” Joe snarled and the stallion dropped Pipsqueak and slammed his hoof into Joe’s face while he laughed “Yeah, how bout I pick on you”. But his face turned dire as Joe’s face didn’t even flinch from the impact, Joe rammed a clenched fist into the stallion’s gut and he staggered back, at this point several other ponies had gathered to watch.

“Oh you little bitch” yelled one of the stallion’s friends as he swung a punch at Joe who simply dodged it and rammed a punch into the other stallion’s face, but as he did another one of his friends jumped in and tackled Joe. “Hey, you cheap son of a whore” yelled one of the football players and jumped on one of the stallions in the fight, soon the entire bar was in a massive brawl, ponies would just pound whoever was near them, except the football players and the Wonderbolts, they wouldn’t punch their own team members.

Spitfire flew into one of the football offensive linemen and knocked him into a wall with a THUD. “Soarin, you mind” Spitfire began but suddenly a huge hoof smashed through her face and sent her flying across the bar. Snowflake snarled, he had a bone to pick with Spitfire ever since the Wonderbolt academy training when she’d constantly scream at him, he fluttered his tiny little wings and got in a charging stance, Soarin tried to tackle the mighty Pegasus but when he flew into him he simply bounced off Snowflake’s mighty frame. Snowflake turned to the now dazed Wonderbolt and punched him hard in the gut and Soarin doubled over.

Tamer, Tanner’s brother that was running the bar for the night, flicked on the overhead radio and classic rock began to play. Tamer lept over the counter and joined the fight as the music ‘Satisfaction, by the rolling stones’ began to play.

I can’t get no

Satisfaction

I can’t get no

Satisfaction…

Joe grabbed the stallion who had slammed Pipsqueak into the wall and began to pound his face but the bastard grabbed a beer bottle and smashed it against Joe’s face, glass shattered into Joe face and he staggered back in pain as little glass shards cut into his face. The stallion raced forward to get a cheap shot on Joe but Joe gave him a spin kick to the head and knocked him out.

A punch connected with the side of Joe’s face and he staggered back and looked to his aggressor. It was Rapidfire, one of the notable members of the Wonderbolts. Joe gave Rapidfire a curious look but realized that he was obviously intoxicated just like most of the ponies participating in the brawl. Rapidfire charged Joe and he simply sidestepped and flipped Rapidfire onto his back, not wanting to cause heavy bodily harm to the Wonderbolt since he obviously didn’t really realize what was going on.

Suddenly a massive pony grabbed Joe and tossed him through the front widow of the bar and Joe landed on a carriage outside. Glass shards cut through his jeans and into his skin but he didn’t really notice. The adrenalin of fighting numbed his pain significantly. Joe ran back into the bar to see that the figure who had thrown him out the window was probably Snowflake, being the only one who could ever really take him on in a match of strength and win.

Snowflake looked to Joe and charged at him, Joe knew that to take Snowflake head on would most likely result in them both being hospitalized for the next several weeks. As Snowflake charged Joe he lept to the side and dodged Snowflake’s charge. Sliding along the floor, Joe flipped himself up and saw Snowflake swinging at him with a heavy punch. Out of his peripheral vision, Joe saw Fleetfoot beside him and knew that if he ducked that Snowflake’s punch force would probably break her neck and kill her, doing the more courageous thing Joe lifted his right arm up in an attempt to block the punch.

It worked significantly, his delayed block somewhat blocked Snowflake’s force and he only suffered a light tap, though the light tap would have probably knocked most ponies on their ass. Joe staggered back and Snowflake swung at him again but this time Joe was faster, effectively blocking Snowflake’s haymaker punch, blocking it with his forearm then wrapping his arm around Snowflake’s and twisting his foreleg, resulting in Snowflake being spun to the ground with a loud THUD.

“YEAH, WHO BEAT SNOWFLAKE… I DID” Joe yelled out but suddenly a pool cue snapped against the back off Joe’s head and knocked him forward. Due to the force of the pool cue snapping against the back of his head, Joe fell forwards and landed on the pool table but his body weight pulled him down to the floor.

Joe’s vision blurred but he was able to see a stallion try to curb stomp him and was able to roll out of the way. Kicking his foot up, Joe slammed a kick to the stallion’s under belly and the stallion collapsed onto the ground in pain. As Joe got back up he realized that Snowflake had risen as well and was looking furiously through the crowd. “SNOWFLAKE” Joe yelled and tackled Snowflake. He didn’t mean to but he ended up tackling Snowflake through the other front window, breaking it as well. Joe wrestled with Snowflake but he simply grabbed Joe by the collar of his jean jacket and tossed him off his body.

Joe spun himself up and steadied himself in a defensive posture, Snowflake took to the offensive and threw a few punches at Joe but Joe was faster than the hulking pony. The two titans battled it out in front of the bar as the larger brawl went on inside.

Snowflake tried to buck Joe but Joe managed to grab Snowflake’s hindleg and twisted his leg, Snowflake twirled and fell to the ground. Joe allowed Snowflake to get up since they obviously weren’t trying to kill each other.

Snowflake got up and swung a punch but as Joe ducked it but as he ducked the punch Snowflake threw a nasty uppercut and caught Joe by the chin and knocked him back, Joe grabbed his chin and winced in pain. As Snowflake charged for another swing Joe threw a hard Jab right into the stallion’s heavy chest but his punch didn’t even faze the massive stallion and Snowflake hammered Joe’s face with a powerful punch.

Joe once again staggered back in pain, ‘Jesus, this guy is impossible’ Joe thought and as Snowflake cocked back for another punch Joe did the same and threw a powerful haymaker into the cheek of Snowflake and Snowflake fell to the ground. Snowflake groaned and Joe reached down to help the big stallion up, Snowflake looked up to him and snickered, smiling as he grabbed Joe’s hand with his hoof and lifting himself up. “Let’s go show the guys inside how to do things” Joe laughed, Snowflake flexed his massive biceps, which were a little larger than Joe’s, and yelled out “YEAH!”.

But suddenly the sound of distant police sirens filled the air, Joe gulped “Oh shit the cops” Joe muttered. Snowflake’s face went a lighter pale of white as he realized this to. “Snowflake… run” Joe yelled and the large stallion took off. Joe ran, or well more like staggered up to the front window “COPS!” Joe yelled but the sound of the music was too loud for any-pony to hear him.

I can’t get no

Satisfaction

I can’t get no

Girl with action…

Joe cursed to himself and ran back to his car, there would be no use in trying to warn every-one because by the time they would listen the cops would have the building surrounded.

Joe cursed to himself and started the car. He couldn’t simply ditch everyone so he revved it to its redline and several ponies looked out the window, Joe leaned out the driver side window “THE FUCKING COPS ARE COMING” Joe yelled, in less than a second several ponies lept out the broken window and made a dash for the alleyways. Joe slammed his Mustang into reverse and spun the car around, several police carriages could be seen racing towards the bar. Joe cursed to himself and drifted the car around into an alleyway and drove down the alleyway and into the street across from the bar.

Joe sighed to himself but soon realized that the streets of Ponyville would be flooded with cops trying to chase down the drunken bar brawlers. Joe floored the accelerator and the V-8 428 engine roared as Joe floored it down the street, the car’s front end lifting off the ground. The Cobra’s massive engine silence the police carriage’s sirens and Joe soon realized that he’d have a lot of attention on him if he continued like this, slowing the car and pulling the car up into an alleyway, Joe parked his mustang and locked the doors. “Sorry baby, but I’ll draw too much attention to myself like this… don’t worry I’ll come back for you tomorrow” Joe said, talking to the car like it was a person.

Joe’s face was bleeding significantly and his jean’s looked worse than his face, blood dripped onto the ground as Joe left the alleyway and began to walk down the streets. Joe went to rub his face but ended up wincing in pain as her realized several shards of glass were still stuck in his face. He managed to pull the larger pieces out but would need a mirror and tweezers to pull the smaller pieces out. Blood oozed from the wounds where Joe had extracted the shards of glass.

Blood seeped into his eyes and blurred his vision even more, Joe grunted in pain and he tried to wipe the blood from his face. As he wiped his face all he managed to do was stain his jean jacket sleeve with his own blood. “Fuck… if a cop sees me like this they’ll think I’m a murderer” Joe chuckled and staggered down the street, the pain of the fight finally catching up with him, he felt his leg sear in pain from the shards that were still stuck in his leg.

“Oh my god… Joe” cried a voice from behind him and Joe chuckled and turned around to see Scootaloo in pajamas. Joe looked to his watch and realized it was 10:50pm. ‘Man she shows up at the strangest of times’ Joe thought to himself as she ran up to him, hoping up to her hindlegs and leaning against him. Caressing his face gently as she looked at his scratches she gasped, “Oh my god, Joe what happened?” Scootaloo asked worriedly, “I had a disagreement with a guy about pool” Joe laughed, in a way it was kind of true.

“Oh my god… Joe come with me, you’re a mess” Scootaloo said as she pulled Joe towards her house. “Oh yeah… I forgot you lived here” Joe muttered as he realized that he was in front of Scootaloo’s house.