Stories Written During Fifth Period Because This Is What My Education Has Amounted To

by We Work At Sonic

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Lyra, Romance, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Tragedy, Random, Crossover, Sex
Length: 4505

Ponies

Once I stuck a paper clip in one of the electric sockets beside my desk and now I hear voices.

A collection of short stories written by a some jack-horse because I am a sick individual.
Sam helps sometimes. Thanks Sam.

Published 2012-12-27 06:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-08 00:07:55 UTC

Rainbow Dash Meets Thor

Rainbow Dash was relaxing at inside her quaint home, lying on her bed with a book between her knees. It was the newest Daring Do, “Daring Do and the Lance of Thunder”, which seemed to be far more graphic than any of the others she had read. It excited her.

Being a pony, she didn’t normally wear clothes so she was worried about arousing herself to the thought of such violent imagery. She moved to the kitchen, for she began sensing the contact between her vagina with the delicate cloud growing steadily. The thought of a pulsing rod of lightning was still fresh in her mind.

As she arose she felt a thin veil of dew dripping down her leg. Looking down she discovered half of her calf covered in a Rainbow colored substance that appeared to be dripping from her vagina.

Rainbow blushed profusely from her own embarrassment. Ashamed that such sexual urgencies had gone unnoticed.

She changed course to the bathroom, deciding that a bath was in order. She looked forward to some intimate time with herself. A great passion in her stomach reminded her of the recent sexual fictions she had read regarding her favorite hero.

Suddenly, just as Rainbow Dash turned the corner toward her private bath, Thor the god of mother fucking thunder burst forth from her cloudy ceiling. He tossed aside his mighty hammer, throbbing as his hand made contact.

“Behold, I am Thor.”

Rainbow’s heart rate skyrocketed. Not due to the gaping hole in her ceiling, for clouds can easily be replaced, but the gaping hole she felt in her neither regions as her hoof began massaging deep into herself. She had no idea how it got there, as if it was guided by pure instinct. Suddenly, Rainbow realized she wanted Thor more than anything.

“Come to me, sweet creature.”

Even before Thor had uttered such words rainbow had pounced, tearing off his shirt in one feral swipe. Now, on top of Thor, her urge grew as she felt the bulge of his now throbbing erection.

Thor picked up Rainbow dash by her haunches. He flung her onto his shoulder and crouched to the ground. Before Rainbow could even react he burst forth into the clouds, exploding his pants off in the process. She had never experienced such mind numbing speed before.

“This is way faster than any Wonderbolt could fly.” She thought once she finally recomposed herself.

Thor brought Dash to face him, finally making his giant raging cock know to her. Her only thought was that it looked just as the Lance of Thunder was described in the Daring Do book she was reading earlier, adorn with pulsated veins of sapphire, a mighty ruby melded atop its mighty golden shaft.

By this time Thor had already cleared the stratosphere. He was waiting for the moment when the pure darkness of space finished clawing itself towards them.

They broke the atmosphere in a blazing glory of rainbow flame. Thor plunged his mighty lance into Rainbows dripping genitals. Drops of rainbow colored lubricant trailing behind them as Thor began thrusting himself into Rainbow Dash at a frightening rate. Rainbow no longer acknowledged the lack of air or the severe pressure pounding her head. She only felt the head pounding her with severe pressure.

Thor’s sweeping rod began tearing Rainbow’s insides apart, first breaking through her uterus, then her stomach. It was a never ending snake of immense pain and orgasmic pleasure for her.

She finally lost conciseness once Thor’s erection reached the roof of her mouth, spewing forth a mixture of rainbow colored vaginal lubricant and blood. As this hideous concoction coated Thor’s chest, a raging battle cry blasted forth from his mouth as he finally reached orgasm. The ejaculation so mighty that it tore Rainbow’s body apart and flung most of her entrails into the dark, chilling space.

Thor’s body went limp as he relished in the moment. He didn’t care about any debris cluttering his chiseled body or the dead of space. He simply retreated into his mind.

Unknown to Thor, his combined sperm had a gravitational force strong enough to pull all of Rainbow Dash’s remaining orgasmic fluids toward it. This massive combination of matter and anti-matter created an explosion so strong that it created the universe in a dazzling display of rainbows.

You and I are remnants of Thor and Rainbow Dash’s rainbow orgasms.

The End.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders Go On A Wacky Adventure

It was a beautiful day in Townsville. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining and then everyone died. The Powerpuff Girls didn’t do a very good job. Death was their only escape, and they had long since fought for their freedom.

In Ponyville, however, it was a relatively gloomy day. The weather team was behind on their distribution of rainclouds so it was decided to scatter a few. This provided a light drizzle and hampered the sun’s rays, alongside a light fog rolling in from the mountains. Everypony agreed that it was a good day to stay inside and keep warm.

That is, except for Applejack.

“Ah don’t care, Applebloom! Ya’ll need to get out here and help me.”

Applejack stood in the entrance to the barn, her man soggy and a speckling of mud on her hooves. She was in the middle of a fight with Applebloom, who refused to do her outside chores.

“Fuck off” said Applebloom. As I realized I had no time to finish any type of story, Applebloom ran off into the rain to fetch her CMC pals.

They all decided to be Cutie Mark Crusader Forest Explorers for the day!

They found a fucking dead body.

The End.

Lyre From Planet 9 pt. 1

Lyre from Planet 9

She felt the thick strings glade across her mane, the smooth, green-tinted wood flared in the sunlight. Her minty coat was damp from the morning dew and flowed down her hooves as she pounded over freshly cut bales of hay

All was right in Lyra’s world as she run across Applejack’s fields. She had spent the last half hour trying to remember where her favorite lounging spot was and she finally found it, a quiet corner in the middle of the farm with trees that bent down to create a type of natural amphitheater. Lyra hadn’t been there in ages and she urged to play her sweet Lyre again. This was the only place she could play without disturbing anypony, Big Mac didn’t mind it anyway.

A gentle breeze cleared the leaves from her bath as Lyra entered her own personal music hall. A familiar stump comes to meet her as she perches herself atop it in the center of the hall. She gazed across the farm and felt the cool autumn air. All was wonderful for Lyra, she was content, happy, and at peace.

She began to play.

The notes she wove from her lyre were the truest expression of her inner self. She began an ode to a Sunflower, the leaves swayed in to her notes. Lyra transitions into the woven melody of The Red Pine, emanating warmth from her very being.

Time had become something completely irrelevant, Lyra only sensed her lyre. Her hooves were nothing but an extension of her mind. All was fine, but soon the trees grew weary and the sun began to drift somewhere off into the distance.

Before Lyra could know it, it was already near dark. Finally sensing this, she places her lyre into her saddlebag and starts on her way.

She headed off towards the path, relaxed from the day’s merriment. All of the surrounding trees dimmed any light that could possible assist her, making it so she had to us the faint glow from her horn to find a way. Being as content as she was, it was perfectly fine with her. The gentle clop of her hooves and cicadas from the forest backed her hums, repeating the day’s highlights.

“Hmm, hmmmhmmmm… Hmm hmhm hm hm hmmm hmmm…”

She felt weightless, all of the world’s problems seemed to whisp away like a gentle cloud of smoke. Lyra felt her mane drift across her face. The wind flew through her tail, flicking her fetlocks in a playful manner. It was almost as if she could see for miles. There was her home on the south side of Ponyville, and Twilight’s Library, and Sweet Apple Acres! She stared off, spellbound.

Her mind had been trailing off for so long that she didn’t notice the ground part ways with her hooves. She didn’t realize she was no long emanating magic and that the glow was coming from somewhere else. She had no idea of the soft humming somewhere high above her as she sung to herself far below.

Lyra looked up, more curious than afraid. Her neck arched and as she made out the form of what was above she could no longer maintain her composer.

Lyra saw the hull of a gargantuan starship. It’s bow easily surpassing the length of Applejack’s farm, perhaps more. It had one single hole were discernible light could be recognize. It was a hole from which soft green light pouring through, engulfing her, and originating from the center of the ship.

She convulsed and squirmed but no matter what she did there was no escaping the light’s grasp.

As Lyra neared the entryway to the ship she glanced down toward the ground one final time. Long enough to tell the vague figure of Bonbon opening the door to their cottage and setting off for what looked like Sweet Apple Acres. Lyra wanted to call out to her, warn her of the horrors that were happening.

Lyra inhaled deeply, determined to contact her love.

The doors shut tight before she had the chance to utter a word.

Lyre From Planet 9 pt. 2

Lyra awoke, disoriented and shivering. She had no idea where she was or what had happened, she barely remembered who she was. Her eyes stared out at the cold dark room that lay before her.

She was encased in a massive tube of glass. Or, at least, what seemed to be glass. The dead steel floor beneath her hooves, clear of all but drops of moister and her own reflection, made Lyra feel as if she were an abysmal insect. She arose and began pacing around the tube, just wide enough for a short walk.

As she finished her inspection of her completely barren quarters, Lyra came to the realization that she was not at all afraid.

It all came back to her now; Sweet Apple Acres, the eerie glowing light, Bonbon’s flowing whisper. She knew now where she was. She knew that she was in Rush Limbaugh’s bathroom.

She knew from the very beginning that today was special, she knew humans existed. The joy she felt overcame her and she began to prance around the damp glass caged. She could think of nothing but the stories she’s read of Rush’s adventures with Glen Beck, Lyra's one true pairing.

As Lyra began to recall Rush’s view on the horrors that were happening in a mystical land known as “Afghanistan” she slammed her muzzle straight into the glass. The inertia carried the rest of her body upwards into the rest of the frigid, moist wall. She slowly slid down, her coat making high pitched squeak has she made her descent. Lyra’s head made gentle contact with the bottom of her imprisonment. As she stared upwards she became dumbfounded. Lyra had yet to notice the absence of a ceiling, but, in place of it, staring down at her from between her dangling hooves and plump rump, was Jerry Seinfeld, shining light like Celestia’s sun.

“What’s the deal with these ponies?!” He said to no one in particular. “All this ‘everypony’ and ‘no pony’ business, frankly, to me it all seems a bit racist. They’ve got farms filled with all other types of animals, cows, sheep, and they all work for the ponies! And don’t even get me started on their ruler, who’s basically Obama-Jesus.”

“What’re you talking about, Jerry?” said Rush Limbaugh, stepping out of his solid gold shower in a monogrammed towel.

“You guys are friggin’ idiots.” said the ghost of Truman Copete.

Jerry pointed towards Rush’s Cup; the 2016 sequel to Rush’s 1974 album “Rush”. Rush rushed to see how the hell Geddy Lee rushed Rush’s final Rush.

But before Rush could sample the sweet sounds of Neil Pert and Alex Townsend, in cooperation with Geezer Butler and Buckethead, he slipped on a bar of soap and slammed his face into the glass containing Lyra.

The last thing she heard before the blinding white face pulverized her every being was Cosmo Kramer bursting through the bathroom door.

Lyre From Planet 9 Conclusion

Lyra’s consciousness slowly returned to her. She felt a sterile warmth as the feeling returned to her body. She lay face up in a metal ribbed bed, her torso covered in a thin cotton blanket. Her vision slowly returned in a violent cone of confusion, the harsh hum of the overhead light filled her ears.

Bonbon lay on the opposite side of the room, tears stained her muzzle. Her ears perked from the sound of light rustling. She slowly raised her head toward Lyra. Her eyes hung open in amazement at the wriggling creature beneath the sheets.

“Lyra!”

Bonbon shot toward the bed and nuzzled the sheets from underneath Lyra. Her smile grew as Lyra’s eyes made contact with her’s.

“Sweetheart, you’ve been asleep for two days! We were really beginning to worry about you… You kept mumbling something about hu…Oh, I’m just so happy you’re ok!”

Lyra retreated into the crevice of her lover’s neck. She had no idea what she had just been through. It was terrifying. It was magnificent. It was spiritual.

The two sat there in silence, simply enjoying each other’s embrace. Neither wanted to accept what had happened but the both knew something had to be done.

Once they drifted apart, Bonbon sat beside Lyra waiting for a nurse to pass by. As she stared into the mint green coat and tasseled white mane of her wife she began to recount finding her. Bonbon thought back to the tiny yelp that drew her toward Sweet Apple Acres and when she first found Lyra lying in the dirt. She thought of the sickening milky-green mixture dripping from Lyra’s mouth and how she screamed for somepony to help. She thought of how helpless she felt as she attempted to lift Lyra onto her back. How she came to the realization that there was absolutely nothing she could do for her love. She remembered the wind rushing past her face as she ran toward the farmhouse and the sharp splinters in her haunch by slamming her body against the Apple’s door. She yelled for somepony’s help… anypony’s help. She felt the chill of the evening air as she galloped alongside Big Mac. She glanced at the splint on her hoof gotten from collapsing from exhaustion in front of the hospital. Bonbon began to cry, silently.

“Doctor! She’s awake!”

Lyra was in the hospital for another nine days. Each and every day Bonbon lay beside her. No matter what test had to be run or what psychological screening had to be performed she was there. Each test continually frightened the doctors. They discovered a type of poison in Lyra’s system that no pony had ever encountered before. They had no idea if it had worn off or if it lied dormant inside of her. No pony could figure out where it came from or even its full effects. She had said horrifying things when she was in her coma and no matter what questions they asked Lyra, she stuck to her story. She insisted she was abducted by some sort of alien presence and spent an extended amount of time incased in a glass cylinder.

Each time Bonbon heard that story a tiny piece of her heart tore. She would never leave Lyra though, they love she held for her could never truly be diminished.

The day Lyra checked out she was offered therapy. She declined. She wanted everything behind her. She wanted to make Bonbon’s life as wonderful as possible for putting her through such a terrifying situation. Lyra’s obsession was gone, filled only with the love she held for her wife.

They walked home together, tails entwined. They were starting their lives over again. Lyra never again walked to Sweet Apple Acres; instead she played for Bonbon. Bonbon quit her job and began making candies out of her home so she could be closer to Lyra.

They went on like that for four years, four years exactly. They had put everything behind them and never expected anything to catch up with them. On the fourth year anniversary Lyra did not awaken with Bonbon as she usually did. Lyra never awoke.

No pony ever discovered the cause of Lyra’s death.

The autopsy found nothing at all.

Seven years later Bonbon stood behind the counter of her sweets shop, a weary expression on her face.
Her ear perks to the jingle of somepony entering through the store doors. She sighs to herself as a pony with a lavender coat and an olive green mane strolls up to the counter.

"Welcome to Bonny's Best, anything interest you sir?"

The pony cocked his head and gazed at Bonbon, wide eyed. His breathing devolved into short, quick gasps.

"CHOOOOOOOOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!"

The End.

Sweetie Bell the Gynecologist

Sweetie Belle laid her head against the plush pillows that encircling her head. Her ear flicked against her neck as she began to awake. The scent of fresh bacon wafted through her door, the sound of sizzling grease could be heard from down the hallway. Sweetie’s eyes began to open as she steadily emerged from the haze of her rest. She groaned and emerged from her castle of comfort and stepped onto the cold wooden floors.

Sweetie went through her normal routines. She brushed her coat, brushed her teeth, curled her mane, checked her underdeveloped breasts for lumps, practiced a song she had been working on, and swabbed the inside of her Labia in order to collect a sample of her own vaginal secretions.
Sweetie Belle always loved testing herself for any type of vaginal disorder. She had cleared herself from the worry of any cervical diseases long ago but it still brought her joy. The feeling of her hoof rhythmically rubbing the outer lips of her vagina sent chills down her spine and made her whole body flush. She had no idea why, but testing was the most fantastic thing she had ever discovered.

Sweetie turned a handle attached to the bathroom wall with her mouth. Bright, steaming water began pouring from a facet above her head. She entered tentatively, wetting her body in sections. First her back hooves, then her flank, her lower back, her mane, all the way to her muzzle. She left let the water cast down her face, dripping down her neck onto her belly, as she began her daily tests. She caressed her front hoof around the front of her vagina, delicately brushing her clitoris with each rotation. This was always her favorite part of testing. She began rubbing deeper and harder, feeling the warmth of her entire body coupled with the cascading water creating a pocket of depth that wrapped around her very being. She had never tested this extensively before. Her hind legs had begun to give out and she leaned flank against the tiled wall for support. Sweetie’s mind began to blur as a single moan escaped her muzzle. She was rubbing harder than now, viciously pulsing her hoof against her vagina. She no longer noticed when her hoof forced its way inside of her. All she felt was her entire body convulses with spasms as a blinding light filled her eyes. Finally, she was overtaken by the most orgasmic feeling she had ever experienced.

It was all over. Sweetie was tired and had been soaking for entirely too long.

“That experimentation was fantastic…” She thought as she began to take stock of her situation.

To her horror her front hoof and hind legs were dripping in blood. Upon further examination she discovered the source of her bleeding was her vagina. She franticly checked the rest of her body for anything else to be wrong. Finding nothing, she washed off the blood and inspected her vagina. All was fine as far as she could tell, but something seemed to be wrong. Upon closer examination she discovered she had broken her hymen.

She had studied this; she knew how to handle it. But that didn’t help to quench the nervousness she felt in the pit of her stomach.

With a second look the bleeding had subsided and all seemed well. All except for the discoloration Sweetie noticed on her flank.

Sweetie Belle spun around and around trying to get a better look. She eventually got her flank stuck between the faucets and could crane her neck enough to get a proper look.

Between the partings of her curled, wet mane, through the harsh steam of the shower, she made out a diagram of the female reproductive system imbedded on her flank.

“That’s what that flash was!” Sweetie Belle thought aloud.

Mixed feelings began to overtake Sweetie as she finally grasped the situation. She finally had her cutie mark. She had finally completed the ultimate quest that had haunted her for the better part of her life. The problem was it announced to every citizen of equestrian that her special talent, the one thing that separated her from every other pony, involved the care and treatment of the vagina.

Twilight Sparkle was having a normal morning. Then Sweetie Belle happened. Books exploded everywhere, Spike was shouting something about knocking next time, and Sweetie Belle was shouting something about a vagina.

“Slow down Sweetie Belle, and tell me what happened” Twilight said, stumbling backwards.

“My vagina started pouring out blood, and I got my cutie mark, it’s a vagina, and now I need to check out some books!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

“Do they involve the same subjects as the books you checked out last month?” Twilight inquired.

“No, those were for Rarity. Today I need books about mare anatomy.”

Twilight blushed, and then called Spike over.

“Spike, go get me ‘Gynecology 101’, ‘Pony Anatomy for Foals’, and ‘Equestrian Girls’.”

Spike went over to the shelves and grabbed the first two, then glanced around and ran over to his bed to grab “Equestrian Girls” out from under it. He nonchalantly wandered back over to the bookshelf, then walked over to Twilight and handed her the books.

Right at that moment Rarity burst into the door.

“Sweetie Belle, are you alright?! I went upstairs to see if you were still in the shower and there was blood everywh…”

She suddenly caught sight of the vagina adorning the filly’s flank. “Oh DEAR SWEET CELESTIA! A lesbian in the family! What is this bloodline coming to…” she stumbled back out the door and wandered off down the street.
Twilight looked back down at the filly, noticing for the first time the vaginal cutie mark.

“So that’s why Spike has been trying to hide his raging boner for the past five minutes.” she thought to herself. “This can only mean that-“

She was abruptly snapped out of her thoughts to the sound of screeching cart wheels, and glanced up to see Rarity get nailed by an out of control cart. Her body flew across the street and splattered against the wall of Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie leaned out the door and started collecting chucks of Rarity and putting them in a bucket.

Twilight glanced back at Sweetie Belle. “So now that you know your special talent, what are you going to do?” she asked.

“I’m gonna be a stripper!” she exclaimed as she ran off to find the other two crusaders to tell them about their vaginas.

The End

Author's Note

Sam helped with this one. Also, what the literal fuck.

Fruit Loops

One day Rainbow Dash was trying a new trick in Applejack’s orchard. She accidentally did a Sonic Rainboom and slammed straight into the ground.

Rainbow died that day.

“Rainbow Dash Ah love you!” Applejack exclaimed as she knelt over the exploded corpse.

“Sweet Celestia’s @&% hole!” Twilight screamed as she ran down the orchard’s rows toward the crater. She had heard the explosion from her tree house, many miles away. She is there now because it is convenient for me because she can apparently teleport wherever the fuck she wants because fuck logic.

“There’s… there’s… Rainbow has rainbow blood… Oh sweet Celestia” Twilight said wide-eyed as she observed the massive spread of shrapnel that was once Rainbow’s body.

“Ah was watchin’ the Ultimate Fightin’ Tournament on Mah magic box and thinkin’ ‘bout how much ah love Rainbow. The next thing Ah know Ah hear this gigantic explosion… And… Oh God…”

Twilight ignored the speaking of a god other than her own, which, on any other day, would be an action punishable by death. There were much more important issues at hand. Like the fact that Spike was out at the Fangoriusly Active Giant In Training convention and was missing this excellent opportunity to clean.

Or tacos, Twilight had a very suspicious craving for tacos. Candy tacos covered in a poorly written vaginal metaphor.

“WhaahaaaHAAA!!” said Rarity.

Also did I mention that Applejack’s Orchid actually grew Applejacks? The Rainbow explosion created a whole bunch of Fruit Loops, which are Applejacks except covered in Rainbow Dash’s blood. That presented a problem.

Everypony began to eat the Fruit Loops.

Everypony loved the Fruit Loops.

Everypony craved the Fruit Loops.

And then everpony ate all the fruit loops and there were no more fruit loops so nopony else could eat anymore fruit loops so 13.732% of all the ponies there committed suicide. For some reason they had Rainbow blood as well.

“Rainbow Dash’s blood must be infectious in some sort of way.” Twilight thought in some sort of smart ass way.

The rainbow blood produced from the mass suicide created more Fruit Loops. The rest of the ponies, still ravenous for more sweet fruity goodness and too lazy to read any pony shipping at all, which is, like, 96 % lesbogay with a dash of objectophillia, to quench their fruity thirsts, began to devour the fresh dripping loops. This created a dazzling cycle of cannibalism and suicide that lasted until the entire mob was left of nopony but Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity.

“Want to have ah contest ta see who c’n put tha most zap-apples in their vag?”

“Yeah!” everypony else yelled, even Fluttershy who was not in this story.

The End.

Author's Note

Author's Notes are stupid.