Spike Is Lonely On His Birthday
Spike sighed heavily, supporting his head with his arm, elbow leaning on the table. A party hat adorned one of his head spines.
He looked at the dish standing in front of him – a small plate of hay fries, with a candle clumsily inserted between them.
He looked around the entirety of the library’s ground floor – completely devoid of anybody, save for Owlowiscious sitting on his perch.
Spike glanced at the window near the ceiling, night sky and a full moon visible behind it. A clock mounted on the wall was ticking quietly, its hand aimed at the number 9.
He sighed again, rolling a small rubber ball in his hand – a present he got during his birthday last year.
Of course, he understood the events that led Twilight and her friends – the bearers of the Elements of Harmony – to Canterlot on such a short notice. Another great evil from beyond a thousand years has awoken in some long-forgotten part of Equestria, and Princess Celestia obviously requested the Main Six to come to Canterlot with the Elements as soon as possible. She gave them all the necessary information, and then they went off on an immediate trip to the aforementioned forsaken lands.
Before that happened though, Twilight sent Spike a letter explaining her absence, which would most likely last a week or more, and asked him to take care of the library and tend to his chores while she’s away.
Spike perfectly understood that. After all, the well-being of the entire Equestria depended on whether or not they would succeed in completing this mission. No arguing here.
But this also meant that they would be away during his birthday, which happened to be scheduled just a few days after their departure.
So Spike was now sitting alone in the library, a makeshift birthday cake in front of him, nopony to talk to, and the only wish in his head being that he would have somebody to celebrate his birthday.
He blew the candle, but with no hopes for the wish to come true in any reasonable time. He watched in silence as a smoke raised from the extinguished candle, forming various twisted shapes in the air.
“Hoo?”, Owlowiscious asked with concern visible on his face, tilting his head a little when he observed Spike and his birthday “cake”.
“And who do you think?”, Spike responded gloomily, still looking at the candle. “Twilight, of course. And her friends.” He sighed again, resting both his hands on the table and supporting his head with them. “Or just about anybody who actually remembers about my existence...”
“Hoo”, Owlowiscious responded, flying off his perch to the nearby shelves. He flew around, looking for something until he picked up a party hat and horn. He then flew back to the table, and landed next to Spike’s "cake".
The baby dragon observed in silence as Owlowiscious struggled for a moment to put the party hat on. Once successful, the owl inserted the party horn into his beak and blew as hard as possible, somehow managing to create a satisfying “HOOOONK”.
Spike chuckled a little.
“Thanks, buddy”, he said, cheering up a bit. He had to admit, seeing Owlowiscious – Twilight’s pet owl – wearing a party hat and using a party horn was a rather amusing experience. "You know, this hat kinda suits you."
"Hoo", the owl hooted, sounding happy that his effort actually worked.
Spike sighed again, bouncing his rubber ball off the table.
“I just wish they were here as well", he admitted, a disappointed tone in his voice. "It doesn't feel the same when it's just me and you...”
“Hoo...”, Owlowiscious hooted sadly. He looked at him with a sad expression, not sure what to do.
Soon, however, a new idea must have come to the owl’s head, because his eyes lit up once more. He walked over the the baby dragon, hopped on the back of his neck and wrapped his wings around his head until his eyes were covered.
"Hey, what gives?"
"Hoo."
"Wha... Am I supposed to close my eyes?"
"Hoo!", the owl confirmed excitedly.
"Uh. Okay then...", Spike answered with a bit of confusion. When the owl retracted his wings, the dragon's eyes were, indeed, closed.
After that, Owlowiscious flew into the air. Spike could hear him rummaging the library in a hurry, searching for something.
A few minutes had passed. Spike kept his eyes closed, starting to impatiently roll the rubber ball in his hands. He could hear some clattering and other noises which suggested Owlowiscious was busy with something. This made him roll the ball even more anxiously.
Finally, he could feel the owl gently poking his arm with his wing. At this, Spike opened his eyes. Owlowiscious moved a little to let the baby dragon see what was behind him.
“Hoo hoooo!”, the owl hooted in a manner resembling “ta-daaaah!”, his wings aimed at six life-sized cardboard cut-outs standing in the middle of the room.
The cardboards, roughly cut out with an unskilled hand (or in this case, wing), were adorned with evenly rough quick drawings, supposed to resemble Twilight Sparkle and her friends – Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. The quality of the drawings wasn’t much different than of a kindergarten’s foal’s; Applejack could have been easily mistaken for a cow, Twilight looked like a weirdly shaped house, and one wouldn’t recognize Rarity if they weren’t told that it’s her.
A few seconds of awkward silence passed as Spike observed the cut-outs, a look of surprise on his face. Owlowiscious looked between the baby dragon and the cut-outs, waiting for a reaction. Suddenly, struck by the thought that he forgot something, the owl scrambled around to pick up the party horn and then proceeded to blow it again with a loud “HOOOOONK”.
Another couple of seconds had passed. Owlowiscious kept looking at Spike with a party horn in his beak and trying his best to smile as hard as possible, while the baby dragon just continued to look at the cut-outs.
As if in an attempt to break the silence, the Pinkie Pie cut-out fell on the ground with a dull thud. Owlowiscious winced a little, but didn't turn around, still trying his best to keep up the awkward smile.
Spike suddenly burst out laughing.
It was a hysterical, uncontrollable laugh, with him hitting the table with his fists and with tears forming in his eyes. Owlowiscious, a little surprised at first, soon started hooting himself – first a little reluctantly, as if only to help Spike not to feel singled out in his humor, but eventually starting to genuinely laugh himself, or at least hoot in a manner that mimicked laughing.
A minute later, the laughter faded a little, Spike trying to catch his breath and wiping tears from his eyes.
"Oh wow, Owlowiscious... you could be a well-paid artist with a talent like this!", he joked between giggles.
"Hooh", the owl answered. Pretending to be hurt from Spike's joke, he crossed his wings and cocked his head away with an unsuccessful imitation of a pout.
"Aww, come on. These things are hilarious!", Spike tried to reassure the owl, a big smile still on his face. "Oh, oh, let me try!", he suddenly beckoned up and jumped out of his chair, leaving the rubber ball on the table (which was soon to roll off of it). He run up to the remaining cardboard pieces lying on the ground from Owlowiscious' frantic search and picked up the crayons scattered around.
"Hoo?", the owl asked curiously, genuinely surprised by this unexpected turn of events. He then flew next to Spike to see what the baby dragon was doing.
The owl raised his eyebrows when he saw Spike drawing life-sized replicas of some other ponies... like Cutie Mark Crusaders, Lyra and Bon-Bon, Vinyl Scratch, Derpy Hooves, Berry Punch... even Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. The little dragon kept drawing like crazy, with the outcomes being very rough at best. But that didn't stop him from clumsily cutting them out soon afterwards. Owlowiscious almost had to duck and cover from useless, cut out pieces of cardboard flying around as Spike was carelessly throwing them in all directions.
"OHHH!", Spike suddenly shouted, causing the owl to jump in surprise. "We can decorate the library with those, those, those colorful spiral paper things!"
"...Hoooh?"
"Yes, garlands! Thanks, Owlowiscious!", Spike answered excitedly and then started running all over the library, searching for the aforementioned colorful paper.
Owlowiscious watched in silence as Spike was practically flipping the building upside down trying to find them. The owl scratched his head in thought.
"...Hoo", he hooted quietly to himself, unsure how to react.
A couple of seconds had passed. Eventually Spike stopped in the middle of the library, seeming a little sweaty.
"Okay, so no colored paper in this library", he declared, huffing and puffing. "But maybe I could manage something with crayons and all these books..."
"...*HOOOO!!!", Owlowiscious hooted loudly in panic and shielded the shelves with his wings when Spike approached them. "Hoo hoo hooooo!*"
"...Yeah, you're right. Twilight would go crazy if I destroyed them like that", Spike admitted, scratching his head. "Oh, oh! But I could still hang them on some threads by their... uh... by putting them half opened on those threads!"
Owlowiscious looked at him, blinking a few times.
"...Hoo", he hooted dejectedly and landed on the ground, folding his wings back.
"GREAT! Thanks, Owlowiscious!", Spike answered with enthusiasm and then grabbed all the books he could handle, taking off to get some thread.
The owl stood there for a moment longer, observing in silence as Spike practically flew all over the library, attaching threads everywhere he could on the ceiling and then hanging books on them. Owlowiscious then slowly walked up to the rubber ball that fell off the table. He picked it up, flew over to the table and then started to roll the ball between his claws.
"Hoo", he hooted quietly.
Before he knew what happened, a loud music suddenly made him jump into the air, dropping the ball. His attention quickly went to the gramophone that was standing in the corner, now playing some rather loud metal music. Spike stood next to it with a giant smile adorning his face.
"Aaaaaaall RIGHT! Let's get this party STARTED!", he declared excitedly and then broke into a pretty mad dance, doing some fairly rad moves and practically flying all over the place again.
Owlowiscious watched for a moment in silence, completely stunned. Eventually, he finally caught up with the situation and smiled, seeing that at least Spike got cheered up. Then he a little reluctantly tried to join the dance, wiggling a little, waving his wings a bit and generally being the polar opposite of the baby dragon: partying softly while the latter partied hard.
At one point, Spike suddenly picked up Rarity's cut-out and then started dancing with it. This resulted in Owlowiscious stopping his moderate dance to look at the baby dragon with a raised eyebrow.
"Look at me, Owlowiscious!", Spike shouted over the music, obviously having way too much fun. "I'm dancing with a cardboard Rarity! Have you seen anything more pathetic?!"
The owl looked at him for a while. The birthday dragon continued his dance with the fake Rarity, switching so fast between tango and other dancing styles that one could hardly make out any of them without paying close attention. At one point, he even picked up a rose from somewhere and held it in his mouth, never stopping this bizarre dance even for a moment.
"Oh Rarity", Spike said in the sultriest voice he could come up with, "you are the shiniest star in my... wait, no... uh... you are the moon in my... uh, no... if my love life was to be compared to a night sky and the, uh, ponies on-- I mean, STARS on this sky were to be compar-- no, wait, if PONIES in my life were to be compared to the STARS on this sky, then you... you would be the MOON!"
...Owlowiscious felt inclined to answer the question with a "no".
"Ohh, Spike", the dragon baby said in a high-pitched voice, trying to mimic Rarity's. "You are the most handsome dragon I have ever met in my entire life! And the most charming one, too... I wish I could spend my entire life with you!"
The owl looked up to the ceiling and shook his head in silent disapproval.
Suddenly he heard the music change once again, this time to an obvious wedding melody. He then found Spike walking up to him. The baby dragon was now holding the cardboard Rarity in one hand, and the rose in the other. The owl looked between him and "Rarity", utter confusion on his face.
"Play the priest", Spike uttered in hushed voice between his teeth.
At this, Owlowiscious opened his beak and endowed the dragon with an incredulous look of "...WHAT?!". However, he quickly composed himself, cleared his throat, and then went with whatever he could think of:
"Ho ho hooo hoo hoo ho ho Hooo hooo ho hoo ho hooo Hooo ho ho hooo ho ho hooo. (We are gathered here today to see Spike trying to marry a cardboard Rarity on the occasion of his birthday.) Hoo Hooo, ho ho hoo hoo hooo ho-ho hoo Ho hoo hoo ho hoo ho ho, ho ho ho ho hooo hoo ho hoo ho ho ho hoo hoo? (Dear Spike, do you want to marry this cardboard cut-out that I quickly made up to cheer you up, but it all obviously went a little too far at this point?)"
"I do", Spike replied.
"Hooo Hooo...", Owlowiscious looked at cardboard Rarity, feeling that this is getting stupider by the second. "...Ho ho hoo ho hooo hoo ho hooo hooo hoo hooo? (Do you want to marry this a bit insane baby dragon?)"
"I do", the dragon in question impersonated Rarity's response in a high-pitched voice, wiggling the cardboard a little.
Owlowiscious sighed.
"Ho hooo ho ho hooo ho ho hoo hooo. (I declare you a madman and a flat character.) Hoh, ho ho ho hoo ho hooo. (Oh, and you can kiss the bride now.)"
At this, Spike dropped the rose, embraced the cardboard Rarity in his arms, gave her the most loving look possible... and then locked his lips with hers (or at least, what he thought were the lips) in a passionate, one-sided and surprisingly wet kiss.
Owlowiscious backed away a few steps, promising himself to never try to cheer up Spike on his birthday ever again.
"Oh, Rarity...", he said in his sultry voice again. He then started giving the cut-out more regular kisses... on the lips... on the chin... on the neck...
The owl looked at this, his eyebrows slowly rising and his pupils constricting...
"Ohhh, but Spike! Stop!", the dragon impersonated Rarity again, "We can't do this in the middle of an altar! They will be talking about this!" He then returned to his sultry male voice, going for the lowest, manliest tone his vocal chords could allow: "Let them talk."
And then he proceeded to kiss her twice as fast, kissing her chest, kissing her belly...
Owlowiscious, whose face was already a picture of absolute horror, slowly made a 180 degree turn with his head. What happened next was remembered by him through very disturbing slurping sounds. Sounds he will be unable to erase from his memory for the years to come.
* * *
Spike woke up the next morning in his basket, the sounds of chirping birds coming from the outside. He lifted his eyelids a little, groggily blinking a few times. After wiping his eyes with his arms and then stretching a little, he tried to get up.
That's when he noticed something wrong.
He tried to look down... and came to realize that a very special part of his body was out in the open, with its tip seemingly glued to a certain cut-out Rarity. He didn't really want to know what the glue-like fluid which attached it to him was.
When he looked around, he saw a lot of empty bottles of hot sauce scattered around his bed, some of them still with a few remaining drops leaking onto the ground. He then slowly raised his hand to his head, taking off the pink lampshade which had found its way unto his head.
He then looked around once again at the mess that surrounded him.
"...Well", he said. "That escalated quickly."