We Ship Anything

by Johnjohns

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Random
Length: 1772

We ship anything. Anything at all.

In the bustling Canterlot marketplace, one vendor stands out from the rest; a sales associate from the New Canterlot Shipping Company. Their one promise as a company? To ship anything.

Published 2012-12-27 18:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-27 18:30:02 UTC

We Ship Anything

We Ship Anything

By: Johnjohns2

It was a gorgeous day in Canterlot. The birds allowed their graceful music to flow with the soft summer breeze, and the smell of fresh bakery goods was evenly dispersed throughout the city streets for all ponies to savor.

The great ivory white towers stood tall and proud, each of them capped with a beaming, golden roof. The mountainside city was filled with these tall buildings, all of which surrounded the royal palace, situated in the heart of the Equestrian Capitol. Inside the palace, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna ruled over the land. They maintained order, not through fear and strength, but with harmony and love. There are many tales that can be told about the many events occurring within the walls of the grand castle, but today's story is not about Celestia's growing urges to replace her golden window curtains with magenta-colored drapes. Nor is it about Princess Luna, planning to sneakily raid the royal kitchen for sweets. No, this story is about six ponies to be exact, and their great discovery in the grand Canterlot marketplace.

Scattered throughout the square, many vendors had set up their stands, each selling a different type of product. Some sold fine fabrics, others sold produce, and some were even cooking and preparing food. Ponies walked to and fro. Husbands, dragged down by the combined weight of their spouse's wants and needs, trudged on slowly as their wives pranced on ahead to the next retailer. Foals chased one another through the crowd of ponies while their parents watched from an uncomfortable distance, cringing as the young ponies just barely ran in front of yet another moving cart.

Some stands had long waiting lines, other had no lines at all, but only one had a crowd of noisy Equines surrounding it. With every passing second, more ponies were sucked from the surrounding area and into the commotion. The mane six were no exception.

"Where to next girls?" asked Twilight Sparkle, who led the group down the street. A stallion wearing a suit and tie rapidly brushed past her, galloping into the distance. "Hey!" Twilight yelled. "Watch where you're going!"

The stallion continued down the street, not looking back once.

Twilight grunted. "I love this city, but sometimes ponies can be so inconsiderate."

"I hear ya," said Applejack, who sped up to walk alongside Twilight. "Wana go catch that guy?" she asked. "Perhaps a little kick to the gut would do him some good."

"No no no." Twilight shook her head. "It wasn't that big of a deal." she said. "I wonder what's so important that he had to run like that?"

"He probably forgot something at the marketplace," said Rarity. "Perhaps he left his wallet behind. Ponies here do things like all the-"

"To answer you question, Twi," interrupted Pinkie Pie, who suddenly popped out of a sewer maintenance shaft, sending the metal lid flying through the open window of a house. "I think that we should find a bakery." she said, stepping completely out of the hole. "I would like to see if the pastries of Canterlot can even compete with the ones from Sugercube Corner."

The other five ponies stared at her. "Uhh, Pinkie," began Rainbow Dash. "Did you just come out of the sewer?"

"Yup!" she giggled, springing up into the air. "I thought that I saw a rat carry my mane off down into the sewer, so I immediately went to chase down the theif." She took a deep breath. "While I was in pursuit, I noticed that my mane was still on my head, because it was dangling in front of my face, obscuring my view. I ran into a pipe, fell unconscious, woke up, and overheard you five discussing what to do next, in the street above me." she said. "That's how I found you all!"

"But none of us even noticed you leave," said Rainbow.

"Well," said Pinkie. "What can I say? Maybe you all should try to be a little more observant."

"Quite," said Rarity. "Anyway, Pinkie, we just stopped at the candy store." she said. "Is it truly necessary to go get more sweets so soon?"

"She's right Pinkie," said Twilight. "Its not everyday that we get the chance to visit the capitol of Equestria. I think that we should try see as much of the city as possible before we have to go to the Gala tomorrow."

"And I for one would greatly like to browse the fabric selection at the marketplace," Rarity chimed in. "This is one of my only chances of the year to scope out and purchase rare material."

"Besides," said Twilight. "I'm sure that there will be plenty of time to go get pastries later."

"Fine," said Pinkie, drooping her head slightly. "Lead the way Rarity."

"Oh, splendid!" exclaimed the white pony, prancing ahead to lead the group. "Follow me girls. You are all about to get a lesson about the art of selecting the right fabric for the right occasion."

Twilight did her best to seem enthusiastic. The rest of the group groaned. Fluttershy followed them with a slight smile.

When the mane six arrived at the market square, the first thing that they all noticed was the huge crowd of ponies at one side of the courtyard. Everypony saw it. Everypony except Rarity. All Rarity saw were the fabric stands, all with no waiting lines.

"No lines?" she asked aloud, her eyes widening. "Impossible." she said. "This. Is. Amazing!" she shouted at the top of her lungs as she suddenly went from zero to light speed, arriving at the stands almost instantaneously.

The other five Elements of Harmony didn't notice their friend run off. Instead, they all slowly approached the massive crowd. They all squeezed in between the noisy ponies, attempting to find thief way to the center of the attention. After what seemed like thirty seconds of walking, they finally arrived at the front. What they found, was shocking.

"That's right, folks," said a blue stallion with a black mane, who stood atop a podium. "Anything that you can possibly think of!" he said to the excited crowd. "When we say that we will ship anything, we mean anything." he said. "What other shipping companies will ship a live manticore and a puppy?"

"No pony!" shouted the crowd.

"Right," said the stallion. "And what company would even dare to ship a jackhammer and a whale?"

"No pony!" the crowd shouted again with joy.

"Exactly," said the sales pony. "That's why when you decide to ship, choose the New Canterlot Shipping Company. We handle things fast. No annoying, meaningless text to deal with!" he said. "We just get right into the action! No messing around!"

The crowd went wild. Fillies sitting on their parents shoulders clapped with joy. Their parents nodded in approval.

"How many of you hate having to explain that you are over eighteen, when all you want to see is some expedited shipping?" he asked.

"We do!" shouted the crowd.

"I know, everypony does," he said. "But with New Canterlot Shipping, you will never have to sign, or darken a checkbox ever again!"

Twilight stood in amazement. Never before had she seen a new business draw in potential customers so quickly. She looked for her friends, but was unable to locate them among the sea of moving bodies.

"But lets get down to what you all really want to know," he said. "I'm sure that you are all wondering if we are telling the truth. There's no way that we can can possibly ship everything, right?"

The crowd said nothing.

"Wrong!" he shouted. "Ask me if we can ship something, and I will tell you if it's possible. Go on, somepony speak up!"

The crowd still refused to speak up.

"You there." pointed the stallion with one hoof. "Go on. Ask me if something will ship."

The pony in the crowd cleared his throat, "Umm. I don't know. Can you ship a pony and a-"

"Of course we can!" shouted the stallion. "With New Canterlot Shipping, shipping has never been easier!"

"Can you ship a banana and a-?"

"Yup!"

"What about a monkey and a tiger?"

"Of course!"

"What about my mother and my little sister inside of our house?" asked a bold pony.

The crowd grew silent.

The stallion cleared his throat, "Well, given the fact that it is your mother, and your sister, and inside your house..." he began. "The price is going to go up considerably, but we'll ship it!"

The crowd exploded once again.

"What about my father?"

"Yes!"

"What about a cactus?"

"Of course!"

"A kitchen sink?"

" You don't even have to ask!"

"A garden hose?"

"No problem!" he shouted. "Folks, as you can see, we will truly ship anything and everything! And it can be super cheap, now with our low-rate shipping boxes!" he shouted, and pulled out a medium sized cardboard box. "At any of our stores across Equestria you can now pick up one of these bad boys. As I like to say, if you can fit it, we'll ship it for one low price!"

The sudden introduction of the new shipping method caused the crowd to roar so loud that several of the nearby buildings lost their window panes. The noise was deafening, but the product was too intriguing that nopony could possibly turn away. Not for one second.

"If you can stuff it in," he said. "It will ship. No questions asked."

The crowd continued to emit dangerously high amounts of sound.

"Anyway folks," he said. "If you stop by in another hour, I will explain to you the differences between shipping, and submitting. But for now, I must go. I have some shipping to do!"

He jumped down from the podium, and galloped off down the street towards the sunset. The crowd roared and chased after him, leaving the mane six behind. The five of them stood in shock in an empty marketplace. Suddenly Rarity galloped over to them, carrying several rolls of fabric in her telekinetic grasp.

"Oh, this is just fantastic!" she exclaimed. "Look at this, Twilight. Rare silk imported from the distant country of Galfinia!" she said with joy. "And this, velvet manufactured in..." she suddenly stopped noticing Twilght's silence. She looked around noticing that all of her friends were being abnormally quiet.

"Hey, Twi?" she asked nervously. "What's going on?"

Twilight gulped. "I think that we have all found ourselves a new shipping company."

"Darn straight," said Rainbow, and the whole group got close to one another and pounded their hooves together.