I find a tad ironical speaking about sad things now that Hearth's Warming Eve was coming up.
Mother always said to me that whenever I had inner rage and heartache to trot as hard as I could in order to think straight.
I was falling to pieces because of nostalgia.
Winter was never my favorite of seasons not to mention always getting sick. I was also having a great share of nightmares which involved a certain mare who felt oddly familiar.
Now you might think that I'm the kind the pony who can tackle anything spooky but in reality I am very vulnerable.
In this dream I was walking across a dark forest and noticed it was surrounded by an uncomfortable crimson fog. It was so thick, not to mention that it made my body feel heavy as a rock.
"I must find shelter," I repeated to myself as I tried to get ahead.
Finally I found a rusty old cabin which seemed sort of drafty so I had no choice but to curl up until the worst was over.
"Bree, Bree, where are you?" said a voice so softly.
It felt more eerie than welcoming.
Again it said, "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU."
I kept trembling and begged not be shredded to bits, "Please don't hurt me, don't hurt me."
"I said I've looking everywhere for you...why, don't you recognize me, Bree?"
It took me awhile to remember who it was and that was none other than the Princess of the Night herself, Luna.
She looked more beautiful than ever; her long star studded mane, her round aquamarine eyes that would make anypony feel completely mesmerized.
I also noticed she carried a black velvet saddlebag out of which she pulled out a tiny pouch.
"Will you join me for tea, I was looking forward to share it with some special pony."
"So you thought of me?" I replied, "that's incredible."
"You have grown into quite a handsome colt, dear Bree yet sometimes I wonder about you."
I was flattered with this last comment then she puzzled me.
Using her magical horn she laid out a round table for us to gather.
Next she brought out a teapot with a mystical vapor coming from it which seemed to fill the room.
"That's amusing," I said, "I don't recall you had this talent."
She smiled timidly. "WELL, a princess has to be trained in all sorts of silly tasks but I figured out it was time to put them into practice having seen what you've experienced so far."
"OH, so you know what has been disturbing my sleep?"
" But of course! Aren't I the mare who walks through dreams?"
"Yes, indeed."
"Well then, have a try of this tea and then you will see what haunts you!"
I slowly drank this reddish brew and to my surprise it was the most wonderful thing I ever tasted. Its aroma was inviting and sweet but not too much to be annoying.
"This stuff is amazing, how do you call it?"
"It's known as Ruby Red Tea, not only does it help to sleep but it reveals the source of your nightmares. BEHOLD!"
The mist turned into the figure of a tall slender unicorn who ran gracefully across the wind. She kept laughing however.
"I know who it is..." I said as I lowered my head, "but I rather not talk about it."
"Oh, come on, a gentlecolt like you shouldn't have secrets like those especially when they cause you a heartache."
I sighed deeply as I gazed out the window to seek some courage.
"It's Fallabella. She was my first love interest before I had left town to pursue my career. She was never very considerate but deep down inside I hoped she would pay attention to me."
"So, you had high hopes for this mysterious mare, did you not?" said Luna.
"I never really knew what I wanted from her, maybe just being accepted. It was a tough year, the very last one I would spend in Fillydelphia. The fact is I never said goodbye now, did I?"
Luna nodded and remained silent.
"Maybe that's it! The only way I could face my fears is to talk to her directly...the problem is I don't know how to make that happen."
"Patience, Bree, you shall see her again, just hold that thought and when you least expect it this haunting mare will come back to your life."
"What if it never happens?"
"Then it's because you wished for it not to happen in the first place. Oh Dear, look at the time, I must be going now, Happy Holidays and take care!"
She disappeared into the darkness and soon the image of the old cabin dissolved as well.
It had been the most detailed of all dreams I have ever had. Strangely, I woke up refreshed as if that elixir was real and had made effect.
The following was going to be rather long since it was for practice. Lilicat tackled in her usual playful way and as soon as I was able to get her off my back another familiar face showed up.
"Well, hey there pony princess, rise and shine!"
That was Pete, the falcon gryphon in his usual way. I just loved his snappy sense of humor.
"When are you going to stop calling me "princess" I'm not a mare you know..."
Suddenly he changed his tone, "Who ever said you're a mare, it's what they call uh...a 'figger' of speech?"
"Figure of speech. Anyway..."
"You'd be surprised to know what a lil' bird told me."
"Not interested," I said as I managed to throw on a black striped hoodie.
It wasn't until Pete asked concerned, "Do you um, need some help with that?"
"NO," I said energetically. "The fact that I'm an earth pony doesn't necessarily mean I have limitations."
"There you go," said Pete as he finished dressing me.
"Fine, what's the news?"
"Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're playing in Fillydelphia this weekend."
I wanted to laugh thinking it was some sort of sick irony.
"You mean...to tell me, I have a show this weekend?"
"Mmmhmmm," said Pete with his arms crossed.
"In Fillydelphia?"
"Mmmmhmmm."
"That's interesting..." I said as I began to circle my room. "It so happens that somehow I'm supposed to be there."
"Buck yeah you're gonna be there, there's a contract and everything!"
"No, no, no, I mean fate, it has to do with fate. I need to do something else than just play."
Pete looked from side to side uninterested, "Well, I just came to tell you the news unless you wanted to add something else..."
"It's about a certain pony..."
Pete smiled and teased me, "Ewwwww, now I get it, some sweetheart you left back home?"
I slightly blushed and got upset, "Yes...she is."
"Ohhh, them you should be mighty glad that's happening, you know since you always seem to have a special somepony for almost every day of the week."
"No, I don't!" I said as I came climbing down the stairs. "It's not my fault I'm so desirable but honestly do you think I should settle down?"
Pete nodded , "Mmmmhmmmm."
"I'm not sure about that."
"Let me tell you something my granddaddy gryphon used to say, "you never know what's gonna happen if you don't try."
"But what if she's not there at all, what if she moved out just like me?"
"At least you'll know and let her go."
"You sound so deep this morning, my feathered friend."
"Hey, that's what I'm here for!"
Later that afternoon when I was able to gather my band I felt more insecure than ever, the shadow of doubt haunted me, my thoughts were unclear and I couldn't fully concentrate.
"So chill out, dude!" said Twigster as he hugged me slightly. "The point is that we're all together. You should check out what Jayson has made for us."
"He did, what did he do again?" I said.
Jayson was my most valuable asset in the band because he was the only gifted unicorn who was capable of handling several instruments at the time but at the moment he was just the drummer.
He was the tallest one of the bunch and the one who actually looked like a colt, with a light brown coat and a messy mane that he could hardly look where he was going.
For some unusual reason he always worshipped the ground I stepped on and told me he loved me, in a playful way.
"I just want you to know one thing, little dude..."
"Yes?" I said naively.
"I love you, dude!!!" he said energetically.
"ME? No, I 'luv' you..."
"Oh, no you don't , I LOVE YOU!" He later hugged me using all his might.
"No, seriously, I love you!" I said.
"You know, you could always say 'thank you'," said Twigster.
Finally, after I was set free and recovered my breath I dared to ask, "And what seems to be this new contraption of yours?"
"Oh yeah...my new and fully improved drum kit!"
I wasn't very impressed at first, "What's so different from the last one?"
"Will you just look at that triple bass? It's sure to make you sound eerier than ever!"
"Why would we want to sound eerier?" I said a little puzzled.
"'Cuz that's the thing nowadays, you see, nothing like custom made, I always say,"
said Jayson sounding rather proud.
Later Fred came into the room in an optimistic fashion. "So, I just heard the news we're heading to Fillydelphia this weekend? Is it some sort of coincidence or are you feeling a little bit homesick, huh, Marelyn?"
And I responded trying not to get so upset, "No, it just happened. I actually don't care what happens over there anymore, it's the most boring town ever."
"Gee, I'm surprised since you keep bringing it up every single time you can..."
"I have the right to change my mind, it's just another town and that's it, end of story."
"You are SO random, " said Fred while he grabbed and adjusted his nifty black guitar. "But I bet I can figure out why you're really going..."
"Fine but I'm not going to tell you, " I said as I adjusted my custom hoof made titanium mic stand with a stylized alicorn.
"Why?"
"Because I don't trust you."
He chuckled, "Soooo, let me see if I got this right, you don't trust your guitarist but you trust your cat blindly?"
I thought this was a huge joke but I contained myself, "At least I've known her way
before you came along..."
Then suddenly Twigster cried, "Hey guys! I got a better idea, can we just try to do some real work instead of speculating what's gonna happen this weekend?"
And he was right, he managed to bring down my anger but not my anxiety.
In a way I had chosen to literally run away from that town since there was nothing I would truly miss except for my mother...and those extra crispy pretzels she made this time of year.
Compared to Canterlot where everything seems to be controlled by the power of the unicorns winter was rather hostile.
I used to spend my afternoons inside my treehouse with Lilicat surrounded by boxes of crayons and paintings of all sorts and stayed there until it made some sense. I told you I was very creative.
Even when I wasn't able to leave the house because I got sick with the pony flu I loved just being there and pretend the world around me didn't exist.
I still am doing pretty much the same thing expect that I turn these images into songs, into something that matters.
"Oh, pony feathers, I suppose I can't escape my fate," I thought as I boarded our private train.
The night when we left this noble city and into the depths of this unwanted territory Twigster and I stayed up late as an excuse to cure my jitters.
We had this bunk beds while I stayed on top and stuck out my head.
"Hey, dude, " I said.
"Hey, dude, what's up? Oh yeah, you, get it?" he laughed stretching his hind legs.
"This is serious, I can't sleep."
"Um, does the fact of counting sheep still work?"
"No, I mean, I haven't been to Fillydelphia in ages. What if they don't recognize me anymore?"
Twigster slightly yawned and threw a big fluffy pillow over his head, "That sounds even better, I guess..."
"You're supposed to help me out here...and that's not working at all. I mean, it would feel so awful to act like absolutely nothing happened."
"Aaaand...since when do you care about things like that, it's not like it the first time you're playing."
"It's about..." I paused and took a deep breath, "Fallabella, I'm worried she might find me there and suddenly started talking to me."
"So? You said she was the most gorgeous filly you ever did see, maybe you'll get lucky this time and settle down, afte rall, it would be a nice present for Hearth's Warming Eve."
"I don't have any expectations about her right now! It's just an old high school crush. And if I don't meet her I'm afraid to have these nightmares again!"
"Well, little dude, you have expectations anyway so if they're gonna happen, they're gonna happen. Practice the art of sleep as I am doing as of right now, there's a beautiful Moon out there and..."
"Right, the Moon...I think I understand now."
I spread myself across the bed and rolled around feeling very uncomfortable and it wasn´t exactly because of the weather.
I whispered in the dark while concentrating on the ghostly image of that dreadful unicorn.
I shut my eyes firmly begging for her not to come back.
The wind whistled softly into the coach making it even easier to fall asleep. I relaxed and said,
Bella, why must it be this way?
aren't we friends or are we foes,
I counted sleepless nights
so I could have at bit of you.
The wind grew stronger and more threatening as we passed through Foal Mountain. I felt as if I was tied to the bed so I struggled to get up and shut the window.
"It's all over now, Bree, so give up..." said a voice.
I closed my eyes once and again and repeated uncontrollably and shaking, "It's only in my imagination, that's it, it's only my wild imagination."
"Is it really?" said the voice again.
"YES IT IS!" I shouted.
Twigster got a little bit startled and interrupted, "What is, dude?"
"Nothing, just forget it..." I went back to my bunk bed feeling very very upset and slightly embarrassed.
"You're extremely jumpy, I don't wanna say this but I have a bad feeling about this..."
"Don't say that, I can handle this myself, I'm a big colt now."
"Well you better," said Twigster mumbling, "Or they may have to put you in a straitjacket."
"Huh, huh."
It all remained calm after that eerie encounter.
The next day, however it was literally chaos. For a normal pony it would be something of a big circus performance where you have to juggle several acts at a time but for a well known artist like myself it was a piece of cake.
Everywhere I looked anxious fan girls waiting for my arrival, sorry OUR arrival at the train station. It was if it a huge welcoming after being absent for thousand of years, signs like "Fillydelphia misses you, MM," showed up. They would never have done that for me in the past, not even a pat on the shoulder.
The landscape was of an ancient town which had seen better days, very conservative full of old fashioned buildings and shopsbut the citizens were more down-to-earth and hard working than the easy going snobs I had to deal with in Canterlot.
It felt as if I had gone and come back as if nothing happened; nothing much had changed, perhaps a few new roads and buildings, all neatly decorated with paper snowflakes. The sun was up and unusually warm, it seemed that it would be the perfect night.
"Well, this place certainly look picturesque," said Twigster half awake half asleep. It was around 8 in the morning.
"It sure is!" I said, "I guess that nothing go wrong."
"Speak for yourself, this cold is freezing my hooves!" he said.
"Then you must be so sensitive because I'm feeling just fine."
My brown coated friend was a native of Las Pegasus where it was always sunny and it hardly ever rained so clearly he was away from his natural habitat, he was the one who was most bundled up.
Fred just mocked me and didn't stop to throw his world renowned sarcasm at me, "Nice hometown, M and um....what's so damn special about it, it's like walking into a ghost town waiting for the Headless Horse to show up."
"It's not that kind of place...unless you were expecting to fall into a carefully planned trap," I said.
"It wouldn't surprise me, Mr.. Bigg is so ever full of surprises, I wonder where he will send us next, the Everfree Forest?"
"Hey, sweet things!" cried Pete. "There's no time for catching up on old times, this day is packed with tons of activities!"
"YAY! Now that sounds more like it," said Jayson, "and my tummy's rather empty from all that rehearsing, so what's good around these parts, Marelyn?"
"For you? I'll see what I can do..."
Our temporary home for that weekend or should hotel was the legendary Miraculous Mare and yes it also famous for its incredibly stuffing meals. I could deal with that as long as Jayson was in top shape for what was coming.
"So do you think the Fillydelphians are a tough crowd?" he said as he attempted to disappear a layered clover sandwich.
"I couldn't be so sure...because I never played for them," I answered while I was sipping at some home made apple cider.
"And he says this is some sort of coincidence!" cried Twigster. "Fate or something..."
"It's not like it's written in stone, you guys. I'm just feeling more anxious and pressured than ever!" I said.
"Well so am I because I've never been here before and I'm not complaining, am I?" said Fred.
"I can't complain either," said Jayson, "At least the grub here is awesome."
"I'm SO glad you like it," I said. "I just want to get this over with so I can go home and celebrate another predictable Hearth's Warming Eve perhaps with one mare or two..."
"Yeah, by the way, you don't have any plans for that night? Cuz Fred and I are planning to attend this exclusive party at the Chateau Licorne," said Twigster proudly.
"Seriously, the ancient hotel where only the most important ponies get invited?" I said.
"Absolutely! You can't be alone on a night like that! Every pony who's any pony will be there, what do you say?" said the brown colt. "Come on..."
"That depends on how things turn out these days..."
"You´re such a kidder, you know you want to," said Fred.
"I promise you I won´t enjoy it in the least and I usually live up to my promises," I said. "Let´s get this show on the road..."
My expectations about the show weren´t so high...it went well although it could have been better. There where a bit of technical issues, it began a little bit late and apparently Fred was slightly off-key but it didn´t matter much.
We played in a small venue named the Fillydelphia Forum. It so happened to be that I went there for my first concert when I was younger and it now seemed another beautiful coincidence. I said to myself that I would play here someday and now that I had that golden chance of a lifetime it was so dull.
When you´re little everything looks so huge and now it didn´t look that hot at all.
Jayson´s triple bass was a huge highlight, it managed somehow to compensate things. Every other ponies faces went from "meh" to "awesome" in a matter of seconds. This would be the last gig that I´d had this year and in a few weeks there was a small tour coming up so there wasn´t going to be so much time to cool off.
I´m not very used to giving speeches between every song but I took the freedom of saying this in my usual nightmarish tone, "Thank you, Fillies, I love you all and forever will you be in my heart, ROCK ON!"
The crowd went insane and asked for more but I just didn´t want to extend it and make the moment more mellow.
As I went backstage and seeked to find some comfort in the darkness of my room Pete approached me and said in a low tone, "Sorry to bother you but some pony insists in seeing you."
"Unless it´s some hot mare I might reconsider it," I said as I was carefully removing my stage clothes.
"There´s not a single doubt about that! I wouldn´t miss this if I were you," said Pete poking me.
"Seriously? You?"
"Now don´t take things too literally just go there and I guarantee you anything will be alright."
"You sound a bit more suspicious than the usual but okay..."
I approached the hallway crestfallen when suddenly something snapped inside of me and remembered when I was considered a "strange flank", a pony with a cutiemark that was a complete enigma.
By the time we all got our cutiemarks they had their destiny all figured out except for me which was why I was pursued.
"Well, come on, Bree, tell us again, what's the meaning of your cutiemark?"
And I said, "Well no, I bet it's something truly special!"
"Well I don't think so...if you don't even know what it is then it must be
some sort of mistake, a strange flank, that's what it is!"
"No, it's not! It is going to be something amazing, I swear!"
Said and done, I truly became some amazing creature.
It was HER. She came back to me out of nowhere and recognized me. She even called me by my real name.
What was unusual though was when Fallabella came up to me I noticed she didn't marry or any of the sort, she just bumped just like me into bad relationships.
She looked as glamorous as usual, probably with her blonde mane slightly cropped, still she kept her distance.
"Well, well, well, look at you now, Bree..."
I interrupted her, "I'm sorry, I don't go by that name anymore, not even my closest friends call me that."
"Really, I still think it´s a cute name. You look good," she said as she played with the strands of her carefully combed mane.
"Is that it? You just came here to compliment me like all the other fans do?" I said a bit upset.
"Oh come on, can´t a girl compliment you freely without asking anything in return? Look, I know things were difficult back then but you have to let it go. Besides..."
"Besides, what?"
"I honestly think that our lives are so different now. I may not be as famous as you but I can handle things just fine and it would never have worked anyway."
"Do you think that...no, I think you´re totally confusing things because..."
"Bree, please, maybe I didn´t talk you too much in high school but I´m pretty sure you had feelings for me, don´t you remember that?"
That last comment was a sure stab through the heart so I decided to turn things around, "I said I don´t go by that name anymore. That pony you used to know might be buried somewhere along with the rest of my memories."
"That is so rude! Fine then, I´m sorry to have bothered you, it seems that you´re terribly busy coming up with ways to pretend that you´re the greatest pony when in fact you heart is as black as dragon´s lair."
And then she left with her head up high. She must have thought that I was so damn offended that it would ruin my day but no. On the other hoof I felt as if I turned into a villain instantly.
Under normal circusmtances that wouldn´t have mattered in the least but it felt worst than ever.
Twigster found me, "What was that all about? Who was she?"
I blatantly answered, "Her? No pony, she was just so obsessed with me and thought she would get lucky."
"That´s strange because it gave me the impression she knew you well."
"Exactly my point!" I cried. "I need to get out of here as soon as possible. There´s nothing else to do."
"But..." said Twigster.
"But nothing!"
As we left Fillydelphia the next morning the only thing I did was make small talk with the guys. I was absent all the time and only staring the window and deeply sighing. Not even the message that Mother sent me could help out. It said something like,
"You deserve to be happy even if you don´t think it´s right."
"Alright, dish it out," said Twigster. "I´m your best friend so there´s absolutely no way you can hide something from me. I saw what you did to that unicorn so was she, that famous Fallabella?"
I stuttered from me feeling a bit nervous, "Uh...uh, no! Remember how we said that it would be almost impossible that she would show up?"
"Nah, I have the sinking feeling it was her right, right?"
I sighed again even deeper, my eyes sort of watered, "I...I...It was horrible! She hates me, and it´s all my fault."
"Oh, come now, no need to get so emotional, can´t you just let her go?"
"That´s exactly what she said to me! But why is it so hard to do?"
"Hey, moving away from home is always crappy...the good thing you get to start over and make a new life just like you did, why would you want to wallow in nostalgia?"
"Right...it doesn´t matter anyway."
"Are we still bros?"
"Yeah...you know damn well we are," I said and we put our hooves together.
Hearth´s Warming Eve was just around the corner and believe me it didn´t feel right at all. Twigster said to me that it wasn´t such a good idea to get the blues so that´s how I ended up being dragged into the Chateau Licorne, one of the fanciest and most ancient places in all of Canterlot.
Every year they threw this big party that was done mostly for charity and it wasn´t that strange to find other pony celebrities. Mr. Fancypants and her trophy wife Fleur de Lis organized and it was almost a miracle to get in. Since Fred and her lovely sister and renowned designer Vivienne came from an illustrious family, the Sablebrushes they had open doors to almost anything.
I decided to go simple yet elegant in a fine black leather jacket and make up free. It was colder than in Fillydelphia but I really didn´t care.
The Chateau itself was a breathtaking place to be in, it was full of history and several legends.
I also noticed the fine works on the decorations and the beautiful marble fountain in the lobby which symbolized the settling of the unicorn ponies in Canterlot. Its waters were mysteriously enchanted to display a different color every five minutes. I casually saw my reflection in red and the sight of it disgusted me. My eyes glowing red reminded me that I also had a nasty dark side.
Suddenly I began to lose interest and leave the room without any pony noticing, not even Twigster and Fred. Did I become invisible to them, or where they having too much fun to wonder if I needed anything?
Do you know what it feels like when you want to scream to the top of your lungs but are unable to?
I slowly walked away to the balcony to see the starry sky and sighed deeply. I sang,
Dear Luna, what should I do now?
Dear Luna, what else can I say,
I´m giving up, the day is done.
Dear Luna, I wish could find away.
Don´t leave me now, don´t leave me now...
Some minutes later some cute mare approached me,
"You look like you could use some company," she said. She looked smaller than me, younger than me, brilliant rose coat, silky blonde mane, blue sapphire eyes, and a voice like a small angel that made me shiver.
"Sorry, my name is Evening Sky but you can call me Evie, and you are?"
I froze and realized she didn't recognize me for one instant so I proceeded to act as if I was a regular pony.
"I wanted to get away for a while," I continued.
"I know how it is," she smiled openly, "sometimes these parties can get so crowded."
"Yeah well, I came because I was invited by some friends," I said timidly. "I'm sorry, where are my manners, my name's Marelyn Manson."
She was slightly surprised and embarrassed, "No...wait! Really?"
"The one and only!"
"I don't believe this..."
"That's alright," I continued. "It's comforting to go unnoticed every now and then."
Why did I say that? I was contradicting myself, I did want some attention and she was the perfect excuse! The problem was that approaching a vulnerable colt was like going inside a dragon's lair uninvited.
"Are you sad," she asked, "or am I being too nosy?"
I was mesmerized that she could see right through me. Grandma warned me once about those ponies who had sharp intuition.
"No, no at all, like I said it's alright," I said as I rested my head on the balcony. "So what brings you here to this part of Canterlot?"
She answered proudly like a prized student, "My mom is an actress and I constantly work in Applewood day and night reading and rehearsing all these boring scripts. Say, that's a peculiar cutie mark you have, mind if I ask what does it mean?"
Hardly anypony asks me about that. Then somehow I felt a spark which brought a smile back into my face so I kindly explained.
"Duality," I began. "It appeared earlier than I expected so it took me awhile to get the hang of it."
"Oooooh," she stood still, "Tell me more..."
"Well being an earth pony with very little to offer sometimes what you can rely on is your imagination and then you can be anypony you want to be."
"Like acting?"
"Exactly." Now it all made sense. She was sent to me. It was tough to be different but it was better to know I wasn't the only one.
"Yes. You and I are in the same business more or less. Do you come here often?"
"Not really since I'm sort of busy but I'll do my best now that I know I can always find somepony as cool as you! I have to go."
She went away like a shooting star, and my wish was to make her mine.
That was the part of my life I labeled as SUCCESS.
Every special creature that I've ever met has appeared at a crucial moment of my life.
For example, Lilicat was one of them. She was given to me on Hearth's Warming Eve when I was about five years old.
Back then she was a little furball with big diamond shaped eyes, silver coat, and a long bushy tail.
She always stared at me hoping that I'd be the one who would strike up a conversation. Whenever I have inner turmoil I definitely can't talk about with any other pony I run to her.
Evening Sky was a starlet from Applewood whose career was soaring so quickly that I thought she was totally out of my reach. Yet, that very same moment served as a constant reminder that I needed her so badly and was completely sure she was not another Falabella.
Suddenly I felt I was wanted again, truly wanted, to start over with a more sincere relationship as if nothing had happened. It was like a old wound that was beginning to heal or like the elixir that Luna gave me in my dream, I wondered if it existed but then I was told that it was just part of a legend.
"The red color you saw in your dream symbolizes life, passion. If you choose to run away from it you're shutting the door on love. Why don't you give yourself that freedom?
You deserve to be happy even if you don't think it's right..."
I told Mom about my dreams in order to get a second opinion and that's what she explained in a letter. She knows me so well it's practically impossible to hide my feelings in front of her.
Sometimes they ask me about my father; he disappeared during a huge flood in Fillydelphia and was never heard from again. I don't miss him though because we hardly ever had time to chat, he worked outside the city in a nearby town, so he always came home late. He said to me, however;
"Bree , now you go out there and make me so damn proud."
After Hearth's Warming Eve I began to daydream a whole lot but my mind was bursting with ideas for new songs. Unfortunately that wasn't the approach the other band members wanted since there hasn't been a moment in which we had gone soft.
It was initially my fault showing my darkest side every single time I could so I could keep an audience and a solid fan base. Now I was becoming more sensitive than a school filly.
There was one day that I overslept as I my thoughts drove me into a different direction. She invaded my universe so damn easily, like the laughter of a child that filled the room and made everything so much was easier to swallow.
It must have been true because I felt light as a feather all day.
"Hmmm, you're up early," said Rosie May, my housekeeper. She also happened to be my foal sitter when I was little and helpless. She was a unicorn about my size, robust like an apple tree and with a gruff voice that always scared Lilicat away.
"Evidently," I said.
"You do realize it's snowing and it's more likely for you to bundle up instead of wandering around like you were little.
"Well, I feel different, that's all, can't a pony like me feel alive every once in a while?"
"Perhaps, but I also have much experience to know it has to do something with a certain pony," and she winked at me.
"Yeah, it's possible..." I said as I was swinging my tail from side to side. "Among other things..."
"Then it's such a joy to see you smile after such a harsh year..."
"Don't get used to it though."
"Ooooooh," she said, "but you must tell me ALL about it, what's HER name?"
I answered timidly, "Evening Sky."
"Sit down, at least you're not going anywhere right now...can I get you anything, darling, how about some tea?"
Deep down I was experiencing some deja vu, especially because of Luna.
"You wouldn't happen to have some red tea among all your other knickknacks?" I asked politely.
"No...just white. It's called Diamond Tea, not to be taken literally though," said Rosie May as she placed a cup. While it wasn't as fancy as Luna's mysterious infusion it served me well to clear my throat.
"Sweet..."
"Nice! You never praised my cooking before!" she cried.
"Oh, it came spontaneously," I answered nervously. "I was probably thinking of something else."
"Or some pony else," she said. "Say, Rosie May, you never heard about the legends of Luna?"
"You mean the Princess of the Night who nearly took over Equestria and scared the living daylights out of every single pony?"
"Yes!" I said.
"Not more than what any other pony knows," she answered.
"All I'm saying is that she does things in dreams that never take place in real life. A few days ago she brought what was called Ruby Red Tea, does that even exist?"
Rosie May twitched her nose and smiled, "Oh! You're asking me if such a thing is available?"
"Yes!"
"No, I have never seen that but maybe I could try and get you some while I'm out."
"No, no, there's no need, I have a feeling it doesn't even exist," I told her as I lowered my head.
"You have such a bright imagination, Bree and that is something that DOES exist and you can't find anywhere else."
"Of course I know that! That equals all of my business."
"So you were saying about that new girl..."
"I may or may not meet her again. She's the sweetest thing I have ever seen, not like me. Why would some pony like me deserve to have something so innocent and pure?"
"I say stop feeling sorry for yourself and take that chance, you never know what she has in store...Well, I have to run some errands, kid, in the meantime enjoy the rest of your day."
Suddenly Lilicat began to pull my hind leg.
"Oh Boy, would you like to go out now? But sweetie, it's cold outside!"
She dragged me all the way back to my room into the closet where I had left my leather coat. She pulled out with her puny mouth what seemed to be a pamphlet and spread it for me.
"Awwww, what is that and how did it get here in the first place? You are very clever sometimes," I cried while stroking Lilicat's head.
Evie was doing a play that night but she didn't invite me or anything. I still considered it an excellent opportunity to make contact but I knew that I would be stepping out of my territory. It was more likely to go alone since the path was neatly laid out for me and no pony else. Probably this holiday miracle might have been the work of Luna but then again who was to question such a wise mare?
She had the leading role in what was called "Home For The Holidays." It was a classic, boring as ever but then again it depended very much how they played it.
"I must be there, Lilicat! This time I do have control of the situation!"
Lilicat moaned, meaning she wasn't pleased.
"Whatever, I didn't ask for your opinion. I must look desirable, very, very desirable."
Said and done I walked into my enchanted closet given to me by Vivienne Sablebrush. Though some ponies would consider it something extremely vain it actually saved a lot of time.
After that was taken care of I called upon the presence of my trustworthy feathered friend, Pete for a special mission. Of course, he didn't get it at first so I had to explain this several times.
"So..." he said with a long pause, "what are we doing out here again?"
I politely said, "I am going downtown, to the old Royal Theatre to see a play..."
"Awww, I see," he said, "No, no, no, wait a sec, that doesn't make any sense! You're not the kind of pony that does THOSE things!"
"Such as," I continued.
"Well, I was always under the impression that you were sort of grouchy and despised anything that had to do with this season, which is fine by me."
"Yes, and I haven't changed a bit! But now it's for a very powerful reason...it's for a girl."
Pete frowned, "Ah, why do you keep using me like I was some sort of cupid or something?"
"You already got the wings, so get to it!"
We left the manor and I was feeling as I was about to commit a heinous crime .
I hadn't been to the Royal Theatre, not even by accident. It was said to be the pinnacle of any pony actor's career, but that was in the past. Now it was used for any other event but it still hadn't lost its allure.
It was enchanted to change to tone of the facade according to the occassion and this time they had chosen red , green, and gold but mostly the first one. Every last corner of it was glitzy and splendid. This would have been an absolute delight when I was younger, why didn't I feel excited now?
"Right, now remember what you have to do, Pete, don't stay out of my sight."
"R-r-righty O!" he said and then flew away.
If I remember the story well Home For The Holidays was about this little filly named Honeyblossom who had never experienced a single Hearth's Warming Eve in her life because his dad was always too busy and didn't believe in the spirit of giving. So then one fine day she gathers many other ponies for one huge celebration full of singing and dancing among other heart melting things.
But when I saw it again it was truly different, I'd blame it on my infatuation. Evie had the most beautiful and celestial voice, she made everything look so easy. Alone I watched in awe from the balcony.
There even was this one particular song that remained stuck in my head. In that particular scene it was a cold winter morning and the sky was so clear and sunny.
What will I do, where will I go,
to find the one thing I long the most,
is it something so hard to find,
or will I ever feel just fine
The perfect thing I need this season
it's not something with rhyme or reason
something simple to share with you,
perhaps some love is what will do.
I was instantly driven to my earliest childhood memories when I used to play in the snow and watched Lilicat roll around chase me all over the place. Nah, but that wasn't the point.
"Are you bored yet?" said Pete from behind the curtain.
"Um...no...well, yes, ok. I was just enjoying the moment."
"Oh, sure, and I take it that you also got something in your eye?"
I shed a tear for a moment but I quickly dismissed it and stood proudly, "Well? I admit I was a bit moved, but let's keep this between us, is that clear?"
"Fine, pony princess. It's a miracle to see you finally revealing you have a soft side. I never thought I'd live to see that day."
"Oh come on, don't try to overdo it. Did you make the proper arrangements?"
"Oh, yeah, that's taken care of. She's meeting afterwards, as simple as that. What exactly do you see in her?"
I smiled with confidence, "She was sent to me."
Pete just couldn't bare what I was saying and laughed, "Dude, you need to keep your hooves on the ground and start thinking of you know, perhaps some music instead?"
"But you see this is where it all begins," I said in a lower voice to avoid being noticed, "It's the source of all my inspiration."
"Then it looks like YOU need her," said Pete. "Otherwise there's no inspiration or whatever you call it."
"We'll see, it's just that..."
The final act was up and the whole town gathered
What a joy , what a thrill,
to use all of you here,
what a feast will it be
And to think I was missing all of this.
And then she stood in a lovely royal blue velvet gown as it snowed aplenty and she sang:
And now you see, it's all so clear,
what you longed for was all around you,
to be together in harmony
so we never have a thing to fear
"She's so perfect!" I cried. "She must be mine. No wait, I'll use the art of persuasion, that's what I'll do. Enough with this mushy stuff."
And so we hurried up to go backstage to see the young star. I felt slightly nervous but always with an upbeat tone of voice. She had removed her stage clothes and remained in a fluffy baby blue robe.
"Welcome, Marelyn," she began. "Fancy meeting you here."
"It is kind of unusual, isn't it?" I replied. "I just couldn’t resist the idea of watching you do what you do best. I wanted to tell you that this is the best version I have ever seen of this play!"
She smiled carelessly, "I know it all by heart, year after year. Anyway, it’s so nice to see you again. I was expecting you."
I got more nervous because I ran out of things to say, "Really, um, you were, how did you know I would come?"
"I know many things you don't know and could show them you if you'd like!" She sat down while she carefully brushed her blonde silky mane. "Acting can wear you out so easily and I hardly have time to enjoy the little things about life."
"Such as," I continued.
"You, for example," she said timidly, "Don't get me wrong, I know how big and important you are but isn't great to experience the thrill of adventure?"
Evie turned to me with dreamy eyes. "Do you want to get out of here?"
I was frozen, "Ok but would that be a problem with you?"
"No, not at all. I would just go to another boring party anyway. Let's do something you would normally do."
I smiled back and thought to myself, "This is just too good to be true."
And so I took her back to my place; all pony girls loved it but it’s just that they hadn't seen the best of it.
It's funny how every pony keeps thinking I live in a kind of mysterious scary lair. It sort of is anyway. It has a flare of ancient times. I loved living in old houses.
It was wide and with minimal decoration. Most of it was black for I didn´t really care much about colors. Now that I met her I have a sudden crave for pink.
We went to my favorite spot which was a spacious balcony perfect for star gazing.
Evie took some steps and closed her eyes firmly and inhaled.
"Make a wish and I will multiply it by ten," she said.
I blushed but then I said, "I believe it already came true."
"What are you most afraid of, Marelyn?"
"Why would I be? Is it really necessary to always feel that way?"
She placed her hoof on my chest and felt how my heart beat twice as fast.
"See, I bet I know what you're afraid of..." she continued, "You're afraid that eventually this conversation can get so intimate that you will have to reveal your true self."
I was right on the whole intuition thing. Her eyes saw the truth hidden inside my timid gaze.
"The true self trembles upon the stage for he is exposed like a naked creature who had just been born. He feels unprotected and doesn't have a thing to say. He needs to be guided in order to be strengthened."
I was speechless. "How do you know all this?"
She smiled carelessly, "Oh, that's because mom taught me to read The Cards of Fate."
"I am barely familiar with these arts since magic has been proven to do things in a much more effective manner," I said.
"It really doesn't matter; the unknown is so fascinating, though. I could show you how to read them sometime..."
"I'd love too," I said smiling. "But you know what, I don't need them to tell you what lies ahead in your life."
And then I whispered into her ear and she quickly giggled like a school filly, "That's promising."
We went upstairs to my room and didn't come out until the next morning so you figure out the rest.