The Tragedy of Paulie the Snowman
Fluttershy grinned stupidly at the snowman in her livingroom.
It sat right in the center, a little taller than her with a chewed carrot nose, jubilant button eyes, red scarf, a worn flat cap, and even a little cigar. She hadn’t liked that last addition very much, but Angel bunny insisted.
And why she’d felt the need to drag it in her house, the mare wasn’t too certain. Boredom maybe, the novelty of it, could be she was protecting it from the elements, but it was probably out of loneliness... and maybe a little sexual desire. Whatever the reason, she had him here now and she was going to make the most of it.
But suddenly she felt the burden of it. There was magic in the air. Fluttershy blushed nervously, she wanted this to go well.
Suppressing her shyness toward a lump of snow, Fluttershy greeted, “Um, h-hello there.”
Her head drew closer in anticipation as she examined the dripping snowman. She scooted closer.
And it burst to life, bouncing out at her! Tipping his hat, he shouted with a Brooklyn accent, “HEY! How’s ya doing?!”
“Aah, you’re talking!” Fluttershy shrieked, jumping back.
The snowman snorted. “What the fuck were you expectin’, lady?” he asked in an obnoxiously loud tone.
“I don’t know!” Fluttershy muttered, hiding behind her mane.
He noticed. “Hey, what’s your hair gonna do? Come outta out there, huh?”
“I don’t know...” she muttered again, slouching further.
“C’mon, look at me,” he gestured to himself with a mitten. “I’m a snowman. What am I gonna do, mug ya with snowballs?”
“Maybe...” She peeked out anyway.
He smiled at that, flashing a row of gumdrop teeth. “Hey, there ya go, lady! Now, how’s about you tell me your name?”
“Um, Fluttershy.”
“Good to meet ya, Flitterkin!” He grabbed a hoof and voraciously shook it against her will. “I’m Paulie “the Legs” Frosty. Know why they call me that?”
Feeling rattled, Fluttershy wondered if she was just drunk. Maybe she’d gotten into her stash and overdone it like she tended to. She felt like such a ruffian.
“Um... no, why?” she managed.
The frozen figure looked to his bottom segment. “Cuz I don’t got any! Aaaaeeeyyy!!” he shouted, jutting a finger gun at her.
“Eep!” Fluttershy leapt under the nearest table. She’d already never had a snowman talk to her, let alone point finger guns at her. What if it was loaded? Who knows what he’d do with it?!
Paulie could see her shaking rear sticking out from under. He tried to walk over, but nothing happened and he remembered he didn’t have legs.This was starting to piss him off. “Hey, come back over ‘ere!” he said. “What, you gonna make me talk to your butt?”
“Maybe!” she squeaked.
“Heeyy! Come on!”
“No!” she squealed.
No dice. Paulie sighed in Brooklyn accent. “Eh, look, I’m sorry I startled ya with the fingers. I won’t do it again, just come back over here.”
“...P-promise?”
“Fine, yeah, I promise.”
“Okay.” Fluttershy slowly scooted out, inadvertently giving him a nice view.
Paulie licked his nonexistent lips. He waited until she got near him and said, “There, it’s not so bad, see?”
The pegasus cautiously looked at him.
“Now I’m gonna make ya an offer ya’s can’t refuse!” he blurted.
Fluttershy recoiled. “No, I don’t like offers!” she said self-consciously.
Paulie saw right through her. He folded his arms. “Look, I’m gonna cut to the chase. I saw the way you was eyeing me before. And don’t think I don’t remember those times ya’s rubbed yerself on me.” Fluttershy’s face grew crimson. “What was that, eh, fuckin’ molesting a hunka snow?!”
Fluttershy turned away, covering her face. “Oh no, you knew, I’m so sorry!”
“Whoa, hold on there,” he gestured. “Now I didn’t say I don’t like it. Let’s just make things a little more consensual and in the open, huh?”
Fluttershy was once more shocked (big surprise) at his offer. She gasped in joy, eyes twinkling. “You really mean it? Oh, I’ve been so lonely!”
“Course I mean it.” Paulie embraced her. “I’m gonna show ya’s the best time of your life.”
The mare beamed. But then she blushed and quietly said, “Oh, but how will we, uh, do it?”
He tilted her face up to him. His grin held unsavory promises. “Let’s just say my face ain’t the only place a carrot can go.”
They figured out Paulie could hop and traveled upstairs in each others arms. And later that night as they snuggled together in the icebox, the two confessed their love for each other.
The weeks passed quickly for the young lovebirds as their romance blossomed or rather, blizzarded. They would sled down the hills, have romantic picnics in igloos, and pelt the schoolfoals with snowballs. The sex was wild, crazy, and Fluttershy almost got frostbite on a few occasions. They were lovesick in multiple ways. Again mostly Fluttershy, who often had a temperature.
But alas, it could not last.
Times were getting hard. The Frosty family business wasn’t going well, and Paulie’s father got arrested. New laws were passed regulating the popsicle and snow cone trades. Paulie made some bad investments. They stopped selling his favorite brand of ravioli.
The stubborn snowman was getting frustrated, and it was showing at home.
It had been one such day when Paulie got home from work. He slammed the door open, hanging up his coat and hat, but he left on the scarf. The scarf always stayed.
Fluttershy, who’d been eagerly awaiting his return, quickly embraced him. “Oh Paulie, I missed you so much!” She snuggled into his icy shoulder. “How was your day?” she asked, shivering.
He brushed her aside. “Eh, not now, kid. Paulie’s had a rough day on the job.”
“What is it, Paulie? You can tell me anything!” she doted.
Paulie shook his frozen head. “Naw, listen, don’t concern yerself with dis stuff. It’s ugly business, not good for a heart like yours,” he asserted. He considered himself responsible for her protection.
But Fluttershy insisted, “Come on, you can tell me! Oh, was it those troublesome family members of yours? I told you your uncle was creepy!”
“Hey, don’t badmouth them. It ain’t the family that’s the problem. It’s the fuckin’ law closing in on us, too many restrictions!” Pausing, Paulie snatched his coat of the rack and put it back on. Then he ripped it apart. “This coat is restricting! Too many damn restrictions!”
“Oh Paulie, you gotta get out of there! It’s too dangerous, nothing good can come of it! Someone’ll talk and then—”
A fish slapped Fluttershy’s head sideways, knocking her away. “Hey, I told ya, ya bitch! Them’s family, ya don’t talk about ‘em likes that!”
Head reeling, Fluttershy stepped back in shock. She touched a hoof to her face and looked to his fist. Her lip quivered. “Paulie, you... you smacked me with a fish.”
Paulie realized what he’d done, hiding the smackerel behind his back and diverting his eyes. “Yeah, well... I’s warned ya.” His tone strengthened. “I warned ya to stay outta business. Now get in the kitchen and make me some snow cones, I gots work to do.” He hopped away grumpily, trying to forget.
But that was only the start now that the threshold had been crossed. Stress crumbled his inhibitions.
So the weeks went by as their relationship further declined. They started eating dinner in separate igloos. Paulie was always getting drunk on grape syrup. They soon adjusted to the smackerel, so Paulie upgraded to a clobberster. Gone were the days of tormenting children, now they only tormented each other. But Fluttershy’s devotion never waned, and Paulie still professed his love for her and made endless promises to change.
But time was running out.
Half of the Frosty crime family were now in jail, and the situation had grown desperate. His elders out of the picture, leadership of the family had fallen to Paulie. He struggled to maintain control, but he wasn’t experienced as a boss. His snowmen were unruly and had their own ideas.
Other gangs had encroached on their turf, the chief competitor being the Cutie Mark Crusaders. One day Scootaloo had stolen a candy bar, and she’d found crime to her liking. The others had followed her example, and it wasn’t long before they had expanded to all known depravities and treacheries. The three fillies were the now the most feared group in Ponyville, known to have a pony whacked just for looking at them funny.
Two weeks back, they’d approached him offering a deal, of course in their favor. But Paulie was stubborn and wouldn’t share the popsicle trade. He’d told them to suck his carrot dick and they’d grown infuriated, swearing to end him. So far they’d only targeted the rackets, yet death threats were coming in. Paulie was increasingly nervous but wouldn’t let it show.
He’d decided to get his mind off matters with his gal, so today Paulie was taking her to the park. He wanted to get serious with her and decided he would propose.
It was so cold today that nopony else was out. A foreboding feeling loomed in the air, but Paulie was pleased to have it all to themselves. He felt his best in the cold, and he’d made Fluttershy bundle up.
Still, she sat across from him on the picnic blanket, teeth chattering.
“Hey!” Paulie said. “Nice day out, huh?” She only shivered.
He reached out to pass some frozen potato salad. Fluttershy flinched away, her reflexive reaction.
“Aww babe, don’t be like that. Look, things are gonna change, I promise.”
Though she’d heard it many times before, Fluttershy’s eyes brightened at that, face growing hopeful. “Really?”
Paulie didn’t want to ruin the moment. He wanted her to be happy. “Yeah, see somethin’ good’s been happening lately. See, my cousin has this idea for a pig farm, says they can be milked. So we’re thinking about going straight!” he lied. He wanted her to say yes when he proposed.
Fluttershy knew all about pigs and that didn’t seem likely. But she wanted to believe. She smiled. “Oh, that’s just great, Paulie! Pigs are are just so lovable!”
Paulie adjusted his scarf, deciding now was the best time. “Hey, so there’s somethin’ I been wanting to ask...” He stood up to reach into his pocket, digging for the ring.
And just as he drew it out, three shots rang out.
Fluttershy gasped. Paulie looked down. Three holes pierced through his chest.
He looked to the right. There in the distance stood the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Scootaloo made a rude gesture.
Fluttershy screamed. Paulie looked back to her but couldn’t find words. He felt so warm.
Water blood poured out the holes as he collapsed, button eyes shutting for the final time.
Fluttershy sobbed over his melting body.
With Paulie gone, the rest of the Frosty family went down easily. The Cutie Mark Crusaders took over their rackets and crime dominated the streets. The girls were ruthless and employed vagrants who would do anything for hits of yellow snow. It was a dark season.
Fluttershy cooped up indoors mourning and refused to even look at a carrot. They carried too many bad memories. At the funeral, her friends went to console her. Fluttershy gave a sad smile and said it wasn’t necessary.
“Winter was ending, he would have melted anyway.”
