Gravity

by ZakTH

Rating: everyone
Tags: Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, Granny Smith, Main 6, Applejack, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 4158

Life is hard for Applejack, because she's a farm pony, because she's an earth pony, but mostly because her body is composed of enigmatic and mysterious dark matter.

Life is hard for Applejack, because she's a farm pony, because she's an earth pony, but mostly because her body is composed of enigmatic and mysterious dark matter. Some days in particular are just not good for a super-heavy pony with her own gravitational pull.

(Cover image by KYMSnowman. Based on this video by beatledude64. Some A lot of artistic liberty was taken in the actual physics behind this story for the sake of comedy.)

Published 2012-12-28 03:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-28 03:40:02 UTC

Gravity

Gravity

"Oh consarnit!" The farm pony cried. The orange coated paint brush clattered to the floor with a wet smack, and an erratic pattern of orange pigment covered the wooden floor of Applejack's bathroom. The enigmatic pony let out a sigh as she outstretched a deep black hoof that pulsated slightly with unknown energy to pick up the brush from the floor. Luckily, the brush decided to save her the trouble, and flew toward her waiting hoof with gravitational force. The simple farm pony just blinked, shrugged, and continued coating herself with the special orange paint.

This was a daily routine for Applejack. Every morning she got out of bed, coated herself with special matter-dampening orange paint, put in her false pupils, and delicately painted her triple apple cutiemark onto her flank, finishing her transformation into the Applejack everypony in Ponyville knew and loved. It wasn't an easy morning getting out of bed without letting the bed fall towards you, but then again, nothing was ever easy for a pony made of dark matter.

As she made her way downstairs, her ears were greeted with welcomes of her family, already well out of bed and prepared for the day since long ago.

"Well if it isn't mah lil' sugarplum bright and early. Mornin' sweet pea!"Granny smith coed delicately from the kitchen sink.

"Howdy sis!" Applebloom said through a mouth full of breakfast cereal. "Did'ja sleep well?"

"Ah slept alright," Applejack said pseudo-honestly. She did in fact sleep well; it was more a matter of how much she actually slept, and how much of her time was spent trying to keep her room from imploding on her super-dense core. "Mornin' Big Mac." Applejack said to her older brother who accompanied Applebloom at the kitchen table. The large red stallion nodded in silent reply.

"Whadda ya lookin to eat before ya go missy?" the eldest pony asked as she prepared an apple pancake breakfast for Big Macintosh.

"Oh, ah really don't have time tah be eatin' anything this mornin' Granny," Applejack said as she continued for the front door. "Ah gotta go see the girls today for a little get-together and ah don' wanna be late." She had already taken an abnormal amount of time getting ready this morning, she couldn't waste a moment trying to eat breakfast, especially since, being the scientific anomaly that she was, she wasn't even really sure she really needed to eat pony food to survive.

"Okay sweetie-pie," Granny said understandingly. "Are ya sure ya don't want nothin'? Ah could fix ya up a plate a apple crisps real quick!"

"No thanks Granny, I gotta go!" Applejack insisted.

"Well alright then." Granny Smith said. "Just be careful out there ya hear? I dun wanna hear about no more dimensional rifts openin' up in the town square because ya can't watch where yer buckin'!" she said sternly.

"Ah already told ya Granny, I didn't mean tah do anythin' like that!" Applejack said rolling her eyes. "And besides, Twilight took the blame fer that one anyway."

"I dun care 'bout that! I just don't want any more of them 'automa-bots' or 'decepti-corns' stompin' all over mah orchard! Now just keep yer wits about ya and have fun okay?" she called out as the orange pony left the building.

"Alright Granny! Bye now!" Applejack said as she departed."

"See ya sis!" Applebloom called after her. The filly then turned to her grandmother. "Hey Granny, how come AJ is made of that weird black stuff if me and Big Macintosh aren't?"

"Well ya see dear, noctu-materialization is recessive." she said calmly. Applebloom lifted an eyebrow in confusion.

"Noctu-what now?" Applebloom repeated.

"Honey, I'd explain it to ya, but frankly ah've no idea what it means mahself." Granny Smith stated simply.

*****

Applejack sprinted toward the meeting place she and her friends had agreed upon. Despite her best efforts, she was still running late, and she knew her friends wouldn't let her live it down if she didn't arrive on time; they had been insisting lately that she spent too much time working and not enough time being social. Twilight especially was very aggressive in getting her out of the apple orchard and into the outside world.

"Hk- whoa!" A catch blocked her hoof as she ran and stopped her movement in an unstable halt. A small rock had peeked up from the road just enough to catch the pony's hoof and send her center of gravity toppling toward the planet. In a natural state, such an event would likely result in the stone being obliterated by her hoof's astronomical mass, but the orange substance that Applejack coated herself with and subsequently donned as her coat color had the strange but helpful property of negating the unusual effects of her dark matter composition.

With a wicked slide, Applejack ground against the ground before quickly lifting herself up off of the ground and leaping away back into full speed ahead. She was midair getting back on her feet when she heard the sound of dirt separating and felt the soft earth strike her back leg. Looking back, she could see that in her slide, some of her orange colored coating had brushed off, and the exposed black matter's gravitational pull had ripped a clod of dirt right out of the ground and onto her leg. She must not have given the coat enough time to dry this morning, and thus it didn't bond fully to her hind leg. She didn't have time to worry about the strange mass of dirt that clung to her foot tightly, and continued to run.

*****

Rainbow Dash scanned the horizon for any signs of the orange pony, but alas, it seemed she would be late...again.

"Ugh! Can you believe her?" the polychromatic pony cried in frustration. "I bet she forgot: too busy bucking apple trees to remember about her friends!"

"Now Rainbow, let's give Applejack the benefit of the doubt, shall we?" Rarity consoled, setting out a pink tarp onto the ground with sparkling blue magic.

"Rarity's right. Maybe Applejack is just running a bit late." Twilight Sparkle added, levitating out white plates into six formations of silverware and napkins. "Though, I really hope she didn't forget, I wouldn't doubt it given what AJ's forgotten in the past."

"Oh, I'm sure she's on her way, she promised she'd be here. She'll surely get here soon." Fluttershy said with a soothing voice. She gently poured fruit juice into a cup and placed it next to one of the plates before delicately picking up another cup and repeating the process.

"Well I hope so! Then I wouldn't have had to make THIS baby for nothing!" Pinkie Pie slammed a large three-layer cake in the middle of the picnic blanket and stood back as accompanying balloons and party decorations exploded from the cake's platter to fall perfectly around the area.

"Yeah, she better show up," Dash grumbled angrily. "'Cause if she doesn't, I'm taking this cake over to Sweet Apple Acres and shoving it right up her-"

"Ah'm here ya'll, dun worry!"

The five ponies finished their preparations just in time to turn and see a familiar orange earth pony stampeding toward them in a hurry like no other. The apple farmer skidded to a stop in front of them and began to explain herself, but gave in to her body and started to heave deep breaths of air instead. All five of her friends gathered in a circle around her to stare at the strange sight without a word.

"Ah...Ah'm...here, ah...woke up...had tah...." The broken sentences of the pony's excuses failed to make it through her colossal inhalations coherently. She repeatedly tried to communicate her thoughts despite her exhaustion, but every word was broken by a gust of air, and all her friends could do was continue to gawk at the pony with a confused look.

"Umm...Applejack?" Twilight said lightly.

"No, Ah can explain, ah...it's just that..." Applejack continued to wheeze, her tiredness seemingly unending.

"Um, Applejack, I don't want to sound mean, but, I mean..." Fluttershy said bashfully.

"Ah had tah get ready...and the mornin’ was...ah Celestia I'm beat..."

"Applejack dear," Rarity said. "Would you care to explain-"

"Ah'm telling you, Ah can explain!" Applejack insisted. She took one more moment to catch her breath, making sure she could communicate in complete sentences before continuing. "Alright," she said with a clear of her throat. "So it's like this-"

"What the hoof is on your leg?" Rainbow Dash shouted, saying what was on everypony else's mind as the group collectively stared at AJ's hind leg. The orange pony stopped her train of thought and looked behind her to see what Dash was talking about. On the mad dash she'd made here, it seemed that the clod of dirt that stuck to her hoof had now grown to encompass her entire leg.

"Uh...well" Applejack said, turning back to the group. "You see...that's uh-"

"Oh my goodness, are you hurt?" Fluttershy suddenly assumed out loud.

"Did you need a cast for your leg?" Twilight added.

"So you made one...out of dirt?" Rarity finished skeptically.

Applejack shared their confusion momentarily, but then simply nodded yes, as affirming verbally would run the risk of being called out on the explanation. It was a well-known fact that Applejack was about as good at lying as she was at flying, and flying was very difficult for a pony with such super-heavy mass as her.

"A cast made of dirt?" Dash said. "Sounds like an excuse to me, and a bad one at that."

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity reprimanded. "That's absurd; Applejack wouldn't go to such lengths to avoid us."

"Great, because cast or not, she's still coming with us!" Dash said, flying to Applejack's side and pushing her toward the picnic they'd prepared for her.

"Don't worry; I'm still spending the day with y'all even if mah foot is covered in dirt." Now that wasn't a lie, and Applejack said it confidently.

"Great!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Because it's time to throw you a party for...what is it again? I forgot." the pony asked Twilight.

"Well, last week was Applejack's birthday of course! But she was so busy working in the orchard to celebrate, so consider this you late birthday party AJ!" the purple unicorn said happily.

"Yeah!" Pinkie gleamed with rekindled excitement, but after a thought crossed her mind it once again went out in confusion. "But Applejack, isn't your birthday next month?"

"No, it was last week; I had it marked on my calendar." Twilight replied.

"But...I never forget somepony's birthday, NEVER!" Pinkie said.

"Eh, I thought it was in the fall," said Rainbow Dash. "But what do I know."

"Heh, yeah well..." Applejack said nervously. In truth, the strange circumstances that lead to her creation didn't provide for a concrete "birthday."

"Anyway, this cake sure looks delish!" Applejack said, tactically changing the subject.

"I hope you like it! I spent all day yesterday making it; you wouldn't believe how much baking I had to do to get everything in there!" Pinkie Pie replied.

"Really? What's in this cake?" Twilight said, cutting herself a slice and taking a bite.

"Tons of stuff! Candy and sugar and butter, but also soda, potato chips, earth worms, and tons of lemons! You like that stuff, right Applejack?"

A still living earthworm burrowed its way out of twilight's slice of cake, and her face turned a sick shade of green. She politely turned away from the group before throwing up her food into her napkin.

"On second thought, ah don't think ah'll have any cake after all," Applejack said, her appetite suddenly lost. Her white, yellow, and blue companions silently agreed and pushed their plates away.

"Really? Oh well, more for Pinkie!" the pink pony said happily, opening her mouth wide and consuming the entire cake in one fatal bite.

"So, what do you want to do today Applejack? It's your late-birthday after all." Fluttershy said, taking a small sip of her drink.

"Oh, ah don't know, whatever ya'll can think of, ah'm sure ah'll he up fer it." she said indifferently.

"Oh, I know!" Rainbow Dash said eagerly. "Why don't we go for a ride in Twilight's balloon? The Whitetail Woods should be in bloom right now, I bet it'll look awesome from that height!"

Applejack would've been okay with doing anything today, anything except that. Her exposed dark matter would cause problems in the air like that, and she had no intention of getting high up in the air with her friends only to pull their aircraft to the ground with her enormous weight. Truth is, Applejack was as good at flying as she was at lying, and her previous conversation proved enough about that subject.

Of course she couldn't tell her friends this; they, especially Rainbow Dash, would think it was an excuse to get back to work. All she could do was hope the rest of the group didn't agree with Dash's idea.

"That sounds absolutely delightful!" Rarity said in agreement.

"Yeah, I love going up in the balloon!" Pinkie said.

"Oh, great idea, I bet the flowers and plants look amazing this time of year." Fluttershy added.

"I agree, great idea Rainbow Dash." Twilight nodded.

"Oh fer Celestia's sake" Applejack thought.

*****

“Alright, up we go!” Twilight said as she magically lifted the balloon into the air. All the other ponies marveled at the wondrous sights of the forest as they ascended, constantly pointing out various sights and letting out “oohs” and “aahs” in astonishment.

All except Applejack. She nervously clutching at her hat as the craft lifted into the air. She could feel her leg weighing the craft down, and her friends also took notice as their ascent slowed.

“Hey Twilight, Kick it up a notch will ya?” Rainbow Dash said. The purple unicorn obliged as her horn began to get brighter. The ballon rose a bit but soon bobbed back down.

Applejack looked down at her soil caked leg. It seemed that the huge mass of dirt had enough rubbed off paint in it to mimic the orange coating's dampening properties, however she could feel the structure of the dirt clod beginning to give away.

Meanwhile, the hot air ballon floated about at low altitude. It was now hovering over the outermost houses of Ponyville like a great big bird, looking for a place to settle down.

"Twilight, if I may ask, what are you doing? Whitetail Wood is in the other direction." Rarity said, looking over the edge a bit concernedly.

"I know but...ugh...this ballon is getting harder to control...what's wrong with this thing?" Her horn blazed with magical fire as she attempted to give the ballon more upward thrust. However, her efforts once again proved futile. The ballon drifted further into the small town.

Elsewhere, in the center of Ponyville square, a great collection of ponies stood in a crowd around the front of the town hall, where the presiding mayor of the town stood over a podium, ready to speak.

"Now, if you could all please settle down, we can begin."Mayor Mare spoke into a megaphone. "It is with great pride that I announce, that the costly repairs to our beloved town hall are finally complete!" A mellowed cheering erupted from the crowd as the Mayor continued. "Yes, yes, it seems like such a long time ago since one of our resident pegasai...who as a courtesy shall remain unamed...caused the unfortunate accident that shattered the top half of our town hall's rooftop." As the mayor emphasized the pony's anonymity, most of the crowd turned their head to give a disapproving glare at a particular grey and yellow pegasus with a dinky expression on her face.

"Yeah, woohoo!" The mare cried, blissfully unaware of the contempt directed at her by her peers.

"...Moving on," the mayor said clearing her throat. "We managed however, thanks to the generous donation of funds by other prized members of our community, to repair the damage this public building that was so iconic to our little town."

"Yeah, Go Applejack!" A random voice in the crowd proclaimed. A few others echoed his cheer, despite the minimal percentage of funds actually contributed by the popular farm pony.

“And so,” the mayor continued. “It is with great honor that I declare the Ponyville town hall building, officially open once again!” The mayor stomped her hooves in applause as did much of the audience. “May it remain undamaged for many, many years to come!”

“Hey, what’s with the shade?” a random pony called out. A looming shadow suddenly enveloped the audience in eclipse of the sun as Twilight’s pink and purple hot air balloon floated overhead.

“Should that balloon be higher up?” another asked.

“What’s the big idea?” another questioned. Discussion of the town hall ceremony was suddenly overshadowed, quite literally, by the strange aircraft floating just over the new city building.

“Oh dear, we’re awfully close to the town hall.” Fluttershy worried sheepishly.

“Yeah Twilight! What gives? We need to stop the boring and get this party soaring!” Pinkie chimed in. Twilight struggled to burn her horn brighter and brighter, but could not give the balloon significant altitude. Lavender flames erupted into the air pocket, but with each upward thrust, Applejack’s leg grew heavier and heavier.

“Alright gals, stop it!” Applejack cried. “Ah can’t take this anymore! Ah wanna get back on the ground!”

“Oh no you don’t!” Rainbow Dash retorted. “We didn’t plan this party just so you could blow us off to go work some more! Those apple trees can wait!”

“Uh, girls?” Fluttershy nearly whispered. As she peered over the edge of the basket, she could see the balloon was slowly descending on top of the city hall building.

“Ah’m not itchin’ to get back to work Rainbow!” Applejack replied. “Ah jist wanna get back on solid ground and out of this flamin’ sky basket ‘fore ah get air-sick!”

“Yeah, a likely story!” Dash argued. “I bet you just like bucking apples more than you like spend time with us! Well if you just hate us then say it, but don’t make excuses!”

“Girls, I think you should see this…” Fluttershy murmured again, the balloon growing closer and dangerously closer to the rooftop.

“That’s the craziest babble ah’ve ever heard! Ah love all of mah friend just as much as ah love apple buckin’! Do ya seriously think ah’m that work crazy that ah’d avoid mah best friends?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact I do! Look, you back leg’s even twitching from how badly you wanna be working!”

“Girls! Please stop fighting before we-”

“Why can’t you try to see it from mah side huh? Yer used to flyin’! Ya do it all the time! Ah’m not so used to bein’ this high off the ground!”

“Well fine then! If you really don’t wanna be here that badly then maybe we will just let you off! We don’t need some workaholic earth pony up here anyway! Why don’t you just-”

“GIRLS!” Fluttershy screamed, rendering everypony else silent. She pointed her hoof at Applejack’s dirt covered leg as a loud cracking noise echoed out from under it. The bottom of the basket began to give away to the enormous weight of the orange pony as the balloon descended even faster.

“…oh applesauce,” was all Applejack muttered before the basket surrendered to her enormous mass.

The farm pony suddenly fell through the bottom of the balloon basket and down towards the newly renovated town hall building below. The amassed crowd of Ponyville citizens watched in terror as the pony fell through the roof of the building with such force that she fell all the way through to the ground floor, through at least two floors of supporting wood. The structural damage caused to the building threw off the gentle balance of tension and compression inside its architecture, and the entire construction began to give out a dying creak as if it was ready to fall at the slightest jolt. Up above, the upward thrust on the balloon caused by Twilight’s powerful magic found it no longer had a significant gravity force to oppose it, and thus bolted upward at a speed matched by only the best of pegasai flyers. The five screaming occupants inside were flung up as well, and soared high above the clouds before coming to a stop and accelerating downward. With each pony reaching terminal velocity well before impacting the ground, the pitiful town hall building was stuck once again by not one, not two, but five other ponies falling from the sky, each forming a new hole in the roof until all that was left was a mere skeleton of the former structure. With a great cloud of dust and splitters, the entire upper half of the town hall building collapsed in on itself.

As the air cleared and the debris settled, the crowd of ponies watched nervously to see if anypony survived such an enormous cave in. Miraculously, six separate piles of rubble began to shake and heave as one by one the six friends emerged from the wreckage of the former town hall building. The crowd simply stared, rendered speechless by the events that transpired before them. The mayor managed to be more than speechless, as she fainted at the sight of her new building destroyed.

“Ugh, is everypony all right?” Rarity asked weakly.

“This…ugh, doesn’t make any sense…” Twilight said rubbing her head. “There’s no way Applejack falling could’ve caused that much recoil. She’d have to have been made of dark matter or something.”

“Heh, yeah…” Applejack said, replacing her false pupil and trying to distribute her orange coat evenly over her exposed areas. “Wouldn’t that be something.”

*****

As night fell over the town of Ponyville, the group of six ponies slowly and sorely walked back to Sweet Apple Acres. They were limping slightly, and every so often one of them stopped to tend to a sore hoof or joint that had been injured by the fall.

“Well…some birthday this turned out to be.” Rainbow Dash said as she walked beside her friends.

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Applejack reassured her. “Ah had fun with you guys…ya know, all things considered.”

“I think it must have been the weather today that made our ride so bumpy.” Twilight deducted. “Maybe I caused too great of a pressure difference in the balloon that caused it to fly out of control like that.”

“Ya know Twi, somethin’ tells me that wasn’t the reason why things turned sour, but ah wouldn’t worry about it too much.” Applejack smirked to herself. The poor unicorn would probably still spend all night trying to figure out what went wrong with her spell, when the truth was a pony like Applejack was just not fit for the sky.

“Hey, maybe we should throw you another party!” Pinkie Pie suggested. “Like a ‘Sorry Your Birthday Ended In Disaster’ party, or a ‘This One Will Make Up For It’ party!”

“Well, if it’s okay with you guys, I think I’ll pass on the balloon ride this time.” Fluttershy joked. The group shared a collective chuckle.

“Well, here we are then.” Rarity said as the group stopped under the large “Sweet Apple Acres” sign that marked the entrance to the Apple family’s property. “I hope you sleep well darling, good night!” The seamstress waved goodbye to her friends and walked away towards her boutique.

“Yeah, night Applejack, night girls!” Pinkie echoed and bounced off on her way.

“I’ll catch you guys later then.” Rainbow Dash said before flying away and leaving a trail of colors in her place.

“Good night Applejack, and you too Twilight.” Fluttershy said, following her friends and heading for home.

“Well, Ah guess I’ll see you later then Twi?” Applejack said, now left alone with the scholar pony.

“Yeah, goodnight.” The purple pony replied and turned back the way she came.

“Uh...hey Twilight, wait for a sec.” Applejack said.

“Yes?” Twilight replied, turning back to face the orange pony.

“About that ‘dark matter’ stuff you mentioned before,” the farm pony said. “You wouldn’t reckon that’d be…possible, would ya?” Twilight laughed.

“Oh no, no. That’s completely absurd. I mean, I couldn’t imagine how hard life would be for a pony made of dark matter.”

“Heh, yeah, right. Anyway…G’night.” Applejack said with a wave, and the two ponies went their separate ways. The earth pony treaded carefully on her way back to her house. The coat of paint she had on was already a bit worn out from the day’s events, and she could feel the ground below her getting ready to cling to her feet. Still, she didn’t worry too much about it. Her life bit a bit of a heavier burden than most other ponies, but she was used to carrying it.

And frankly, she wouldn’t have it any other way.