A Hundred Horrible Deaths for Rainbow Dash

Number 7

“Please, please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeease, Rainbow Dash?”

Those three little girls were way too convincing, thought Rainbow Dash. Sighing, she put up a smile and said. “Well, okay. I can give it a quick listen.”

Apple Bloom gave her a little cassette player while Sweetie Belle handed her a set of headphones. As Rainbow Dash slipped on the headphones, Scootaloo finally shoved ‘the tape’, as the girls so gushingly called it, into her other hoof. On the little piece of yellow tape were the words, “Cutie Mark Swaggers: The Mixtape” written in black marker.

Rainbow Dash had a gut feeling that she would regret listening to this.

But those fillies, looking up at her all eagerly like they were right then, made it impossible for her to refuse.

She popped in the tape and pressed play. Synthetic drumbeats burst into her eardrums first off. Okay, it’s pretty catchy so far, she thought. Then after the drums cycled about four times through, the bass dropped, and the cycle repeated.

And then they began to rap.

After about half an hour of repetitive drum-bass-rapping, she pressed the stop button. She turned towards the three girls and stared at them with a surprisingly blank face.

“Wasn’t just totally dope?” said Sweetie Belle.

Rainbow Dash was unresponsive.

“Rainbow Dash?”

Apple Bloom clapped her front hooves in front of Rainbow Dash’s face, and the pegasus’ eyes snapped to something resembling attention. She straightened herself and reached for her headphones. But she had trouble yanking them off her. Whenever she pulled at them, her sticky, melted brain matter was seen stretching from her ears to the phones. Finally, she tore the phones out, and the strains of brain flopped onto her jowls. Finally her brains could flow out freely.

The three fillies looked on in wide-eyed amazement.

An eerily wide grin crept onto Rainbow’s features. It was the kind of grin that said, “I just shit myself and I feel like a winner.”

Then she opened her mouth, yelled, “SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!” and finally shut up and fell on her face when her brains all drained out of her.