Team Fortress: Grossly Incandescent

by Maka Albarn

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Human, Dark
Length: 1698

Team Fortress 2 X Dark Souls X MLP X anything I feel like.

Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria and Gwyn's Firstborn Solaire of Astora stuck in 1971 Earth of superior Australians, cloned mercenaries and unusual hats.

There are a lot of adventures awaiting them, in their many year stay.

(Need editors and pre-readers!)
And this is very Dark Soulish. It is more a TF2/Dark Souls crossover than MLP/TF2.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-02 16:29:37 UTC

Prologue: Oh crap...

Friday, the last day of fighting for the Builders League United (BLU for short) and Revaliable Excavation Demolition (RED). What fighting you ask? The fighting between 18 mercenaries! They are fighting over lands! But they are no ordinary mercenaries! There's the Scout, youngest of them all, his role is to capture the flag (a briefcase), distract enemies and run around. He wields a scattergun, a bottle of milk, which magically regenerates over time, and a bat with a nail sticking out of it (called a Sandman). There is the Soldier, who shoots rockets with his rocket launcher (a WWII one!), shoots down MAGGOTS with his shotgun, and smashes enemies to pieces with his statuette made out of Australium, a statuette featuring Saxton Hale himself! Here is also the Spy, who has a revolver, a knife and a gold, pocket watch, which allows him to get shot and become invisible for a short amount of time. He also is an owner of the disguise kit, which makes him look like an enemy (RED) or disguise himself like a teammate. He also has a sapper, which destroys enemy mechanical constructions. We also have the Sniper! He has a Sniper Rifle (duh!), a jar of piss (which also regenerates) and a machete.

It was raining on the battlefield, which the mercenaries call cp_granary (cp stands for control point).

"Incoming milk!" announced the Scout, spraying milk on a teleporter, set up by the enemy engineer.

"Jarate!" shouted the Sniper, doing the same what his teammate, the Scout did,

"Zhat are you tvo, imbesiles, doing?" asked the Spy, sapping the teleporter, not touching the milk and piss deadly combination. "You do realize, that zis doesn't damage ze teleporter?"

"Calm down, spook!" replied the Sniper, chuckling "We're just having some fun, we almost won! Its twenty second to whole three minutes!"

"Zhy do I even bother?" asked the Spy no one, and sighed, turning around to go and protect the point.

WSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

»»» Equestria, one minute ago. «««

Twili- Princess Twilight Sparkle sat in the library, on a comfortable red couch finishing reading a book titled "Long Range Teleportation, and its Dangers. A book by Canterlot Magic College" a book, she bought and read- no! Devoured in 30 minutes!

"Well, of to test it!" she said. "Spiiike! I'm off to try some new spells!"

She focused, and channeled magic to her horn, making it softly glow purple, the same color as her coat. It (the glow) was getting more deep until...

FLASH!

»»»Back on Granary«««

"What ta' hell?!" shouted the Scout, surprised that the teleporter, which was sapped by Spy, teleported someone from the enemy team. "This teleporter isn't supposed to work! It was sapped! It isn't possible for any enemy to pass!"

He was right...

No enemy passed.

Twilight Sparkle Point of Vision

A flash, just like expected when teleporting, but it was FAR too long. It was soon accompanied with ringing, like a grenade just exploded, which shouldn't be! When the ringing stopped, she opened her eyes. She was shocked, by what she had seen.

Humans, as in the creatures of myths, legends, the space-travelling, murderers! If she gets out of this alive, nopony will believe what she had seen. There were three humans, holding strange things. They were all dressed! The most farthest away one was dressed in a blue suit, and a baclava on his head. Another one, was wearing a cap, blue shirt, and black pants to knees. The last one, had a hat on his head, big glasses on his nose, a blue shirt, brown west and long, brown pants.

"Oh crap..." was all she managed to say, before blacking out.

*Chapter 2: Introductions* Rewritten!

*Chapter 2: Introductions* Rewritten!

»»»2 minutes ago, BLUs POV«««

"Oh I hate tha witch!" Said a black, Scottish cyclop, the Demoman, he wore a black bandana, eyepatch over his left eye, a white blouse, and a black vest. He also had blue pants to knees.

"We go on dinner now?" asked a bald, big man in a Russian accent, the Heavy. "Because I am cooking toni-"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

"SHIT!, MY EARS!" shouted the Scout, he turned around the corner, from where the sound came and he froze. Literally. Twilight Sparkle frozen him...

"Good. Leetle pony frozen Scout! Heavy already likes you!" Said the Russian to the purple Alicorn while laughing.

" 'Eavy! You're scaring her! Let me show ya' how to do it!" Said a man with a Southern accent, he wore a hard hat, and goggles, he was the Engineer.

"Hey there little pony! Ma' friends call me Engie, what's your name?"

Silence.

"Can you talk?" he asked uncertain.

Silence.

"Lemme show ya how it's done, lad!" Shouted the Demolitions expert;

further scaring the not so tall princess, she wasn't short, like other ponies, she was almost as high as Cadence, her ex-foalsitter and a fellow princess, she ruled the recently saved Crystal Empire.

"Bloody wankers, move 'side." Snapped their sniper as he pushed through the crowd of men (one of which was already dead).

"Look, horsey, we will get information out of you, one way or 'nother!" Threatened the australian in his... australian accent.

POV OF YOU KNOW WHO

'HE IS THREATENING MEEEE!' thought Twilight.

she went in "Maniac Brainiac" mode, as Rainbow Dash liked to make fun out of her panic. She cast a spell as complicated as she could and closed her eyes.

BANG! WOOOOSH! BZZZZZT! Boom.

"Huh" said a voice, an unfamiliar one, he sounded as if ... if Twilight had to guess, if you put Celestia in an armor and someone changed her gender.

"Praise the Sun!" He shouted happily.

*Chapter 3: 11 Phantom Guys* FULL REWRITE!

*Chapter 3: 11 Phantom Guys* FULL REWRITE!

ENOUGH OF THIS POV CRAP! EVERYONE IS THIRD PERSON NOW! YES! WITH THOUGHTS!

'Ah, at last! A new land, maybe I can find My Sun here!' Solaire thought enthusiastically.

"Who the hell are ye' knighty?" Demoman asked, lenghtening the knighty, so it would sound mockingly.

"My, my! Such brave souls! Who are you, men?" He said, walking to them in his shining armor, accidentally kicking the pony...

So she cast the same spell in defense.

BANG! WOOOOSH! BZZZZZT! Boom.

"She's summoning someone again?" asked Scout, back from the dead. Suddenly, he caught his stomach, he felt sick. The others did too.

"No... She's... Teleporting us all!" Shouted the Spy.

In an alternate set of dimensions.

Twilight Sparkle has invaded your world.

'huh? Interesting. A brony?' thought the Chosen Undead, he wore a Havel's Armor, Black Iron helmet, Legging and Gaunlets of Artorias. He was in the Kiln of The First Flame, fighting some of Gwyn's knights, they weren't posing a real challenge.

He was readying for the fight with Gwyn, which really wasn't a bossfight, this wasn't supposed to be hard, and won't be. The sad thing is that The Lord of Cinder is easy to parry, which is pathetic, and has a small amount of health, he grew old and fragile because of the prelonged keeping of all the flames across Lordran.

Chosen was supposed to either link the fires, or extinguish them all, so humanity could reign in the Age of Dark, with no Gods.

Heavy has invaded your world.

'huh? A TF2 fan invaded me, too? In such a short time these messages appeared.'

Then his vision was spammed

Scout has invaded your world. 'what'

Medic has invaded your world. 'the'

Soldier has invaded your world. 'fuck'

Demoman has invaded your world. "What"

Sniper has invaded your world. "the"

Pyro has invaded your world. "fuck"

Engineer has invaded your world. "WHAT"

Spy has invaded your world. "THE"

Solaire has invaded your world. "FUUUUUCK!"

"Did eleven people just invade my world?! Did Solaire invade my world!?" Shouted Chosen, panicking, he wasn't afraid a fight versus two Darkwraiths, but he WAS afraid of eleven Darkwraiths, which were cheaters!

"Wait! Solaire?! Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not even wearing Laturec's armor! Is it because of the ring? Oh fuck." He exclaimed, and thanks to all this shouting, attracted three knights.

Which were a kill with skill. Backstab one, parry the other and hack n' slash at the third.

Did I say that he has the Dragon Greatsword +5? He is OP. Dayum.

"Let's hope they are not good players."

Chapter 4: Boss Fight? More like the Domination!

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 5: Started off The Wrong H(oof/and)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 6: Listen Well, Boys, Because It's Beggining to Look Like Dustbowl.

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 1: Problem

Third Person Point of Vision

"Ugh..." was the sound of Twilight Sparkle waking. She opened, and immedeately closed her eyes. She tried again, slowly opening them, and she looked arounds, she was in a white room, with two windows on a wall, a cabinet between them a door on other wall, opposite to the windows double doors, and under the wall she way lying were 8 hospital beds.

"Where am I" She asked no one, she stood up and walked around. She used magic to open the single door, and and she looked around the room she found herself in. It was the size of her room. It was filled with amny kinds of antibiotics, syringes and bandages. It was a storage room for all hospital supplies.

"I won't find anything here..." she said, walking out of the room, she opened the cabinet and what she seen shocked her. It was filled with *chocolate! There were many jars of it! She walked to the pair of doors, and opened them slightly, taking a peak at what was inside.

»»»Meeting Room«««

"What do you mean 'a pony'?!" Asked an old woman (in her 50's) a man, slightly younger than her in a white coat and wearing blue rubber gloves.

"Yes! A pony! And a magical one!" Replied the man, in a German accent.

"Then I expect you nine to get information from her, and report to me after three days at seven PM. Do you understand?."

"Yes ma'am!" All BLUs shouted, some less enthusiastic than others (coughDemomanSpyandScoutcough)

»»»Outside the Meeting Room«««

Twilight walked through the halls, when she heard someone talk, she spotted a pretty big door, she came closer, and hid behind a wall, when she heard hoof-steps. The humans were coming!

So she did what a panicked pony would do,

she screamed.

1* - Yes, this is a reference to a certain TF2 fanfic!