Prologue (or Background Knowledge)
Time is nothing. Memory is nothing. All that we know could have been placed in our heads moments ago, yet we wouldn't know of having been before. What if life is a veil, just waiting to show what lies beneath, but it is never pulled on due to the falsehood of our so-called reality? All that we know may have happened just a moment ago. What you are reading right now is now in the past. By the time you understand that you are seeing anything, the image your eyes put in your mind is now in the past. That image is now in your memory, in your history.
Doesn't that help put things into perspective? We could be seeing wondrous things every day, but we never remember them. Go ahead, think of something that can't exist. Are you sure it doesn't? Your memory tells you that it cannot be, yes, but that is based on what you have seen before. All that you know of all things may be an illusion. Maybe what you are reading right now is just your falsified memory TELLING you you read this.
In the history of things, there has been countless tales of incredible exploits, and there are also the things in history we aren't so proud of. Some of these things are lies. What is a lie? The opposite of truth? If so, then what's truth? Exactly, nothing. How can you be sure that time itself wasn't just a lie? Or was it truth? All in all, it doesn't really matter unless it's now. What is now? There is no answer except one; history.
Does this not rattle your bones or shiver your spine? It should, as no one truly understands what is being said here. No one can say what goes on in the mind; the beautiful thing. It doesn't really matter. Actually, nothing matters. If time and memory are nothing, then what's to say life is? What does it matter to exist? What does it matter to not exist? That's right, NOTHING. Joy is nothing more than an illusion. Pain is an illusion. Existence. Time. History. ALL OF IT.
I can tell you are getting bored with a philosophical rant like that, so how about we get to some juicier content, hmm? By the looks on you faces I can tell I've captured your attention like a adolescent boy to a bag of barbeque chips; so let's get down to business and tell the crap out of this story. Are you with me? Of course you are, otherwise you can't read what's in front of your face, so let's go.
Stone. Stone has always been here. Stone has been in existence for as long as anything can say. No one knows why it was created, but it's here anyway. Many say that it doesn't do anything, and they are wrong. Stone knows all, and sees all. It could tell you boundless tales of incredible scenes and sights it has gone through in it's existence, if it could speak, that is. Every chunk of rock has something it could say to anyone, but one specimen, could tell us so much more.
The Statue has seen all that we have not. It has heard all we have not. It knows more than anything in the current universe does right now, and it's knowledge exceeds them by eons of age. It has seen the first planet being born, as it was the one who birthed it. It has smashed through stars, and invented magnetism. Why did the Statue do this? Simple.
It was bored.
The Statue isn't even a true statue, no, it's a stone prison for a being so powerful, that it created the first black hole as a prank. The name of this being is Discord. However, where is this prison that is so strong that it holds back the most powerful thing in the universe? Is it perhaps in an exotic temple, hidden in a far-away jungle? Is it under guard by the greatest secret of all? Or is it in a museum, where it has long been forgotten about what the Statue truly is? No.
It's in the Canterlot Gardens awaiting punishment by hail, vandalism, and bird poop.
Discord was known as one of the greatest villains in Equestria, easily dwarfing the black-heart of Nightmare Moon, the stealthy Changeling Queen Chrysalis, and the incarnation of darkness King Sombra. However, no pony knows his true origins. They all believe that he was the ruler of Equestria and tortured his subjects for laughs until the now divine sisters Celestia and Luna struck him from his throne. While this story is true, there is no fact to what happened before he rose to power.
In actuality, Discord created four organisms, the Parasprite, the poison-joke plant, and most notably, the phoenix and the changeling. He crafted the Bermareda Triangle in the southeastern Gulf of Buffalo and the Mirror Pool. Discord was truly a mystery, as no pony knew he had created these things. Some say that he was insane, and his chaotic nature only added to the craziness he so desired; but this was not true.
All in all, Discord was turned to stone, and he is still trapped in the statue.
Or was he? The Statue of Discord is still there in Equestria, shouldn't he be trapped in there waiting out his 1,000-year time-out like a good boy? Of course not. He was out and about the multiverse, fiddling with this world and that. In actuality the stone spell emitted by the Elements of Harmony was not a trapping one, instead, it forced poor Discord to stay away from Equestria for a while. Discord could do whatever he wanted, as he was one of the mightiest beings in the entirety of existence. In fact, this used to be one of his favorite pastimes, to mess around with as many physics as he could and adding new organisms to barren planets just to see what they do.
Discord, sometimes, if he had found a relatively lively planet, he'd find some way to eradicate most of the life found there. Other times he helped budding civilizations to see what they came up with technology-wise. And still others.. he just blew up the planet to give himself a firework show. It was always a good way to vent his anger, or just to give him a good laugh to watch them create mistakes. But there was still something he never had done before, and even with his massive amounts of energy, he wasn't sure if it could work.
He just needed to find the right creatures to try it on.
Discord quickly wracked his brain to see if he could remember any worthwhile creatures that could work through what he would do to them... He could only remember three species, a small variety of plant creatures only about a half-fang tall and came in red, blue and yellow, the ponies, and a somewhat creepy race of organisms that were surprisingly good at philosophical conversation. He was about to give up when he had an epiphany. The humans! He forgot about them! They were perfect, and a quite intelligent design for nature to give them. Maybe they would work... Oh wait, he sent a chaos drone down there. Their world should be demolished.
A chaos drone is actually a concept created by his Discord's brother, Demolition, for the sake of complete destruction. They take the form of whatever chaos incarnate would look like (basically what Discord would look like anywhere) on the planet, dimension, or universe they reside in, and do things to destroy everything. It was actually quite fun to watch them go at obliterating a planet every once in a while. Discord had never actually tried summoning a chaos drone before, and his first attempt he sent to the planet of humans.
Come to think of it, he never did go to see the aftermath of what the drone did... maybe he should check. Discord quickly jumped to the universe the humans lived in, and went on the search for their so-called "Earth". Why would they name their planet after dirt? Anyway, he immediately noticed something was different as he came upon the spinning hunk of stone... There was still green on the planet, and the continents had un-flooded. One area was even stranger, as it was covered in ice even though it was nowhere near the poles. One area was completely in flames. What did the drone actually do to this world? How could all of THIS happen? It should be covered in smoke and lava and stuff. Well, only one way to find out.
Discord steeled himself and opened the portal to the dilapidated planet below him, and sauntered on inside, feeling the sensation of interspacial cheat-travel, as he liked to call it. Cheat-travel was an idea he had come up with when he was incredibly young, at the age of eleven millennia. 11,000 years for Discord is ridiculously short, and when he was that young he would still be growing his singular fang if he retained his draconnequus form while in spatial travel. Cheat-travel in itself was nearly exactly what it sounded like, he would cheat the laws of physics, and open a doorway most sentient species (after translation of course) called a 'wormhole'. It would take a very chaotic mind to be able to even comprehend how he does this... There was also that Pinkie Pie Bearer character back on Equestria that seemed to have a minor form of cheat-travel down pat... Oh whatever. She was obviously insane anyway, and Discord did not like dealing with insane beings, they made him uncomfortable, as they made him feel less chaotic because of the way their mind processed things. Oh well.
Discord exited the tunnel into a freakishly bright sunlight, landing on a bed of weird, oblong stalks of grass, and into a fwoosh of air as he came directly out of the vacuum of space. Discord righted himself as he remembered the annoying presence of gravity. He had always hated gravity, that's why as an adolescent he created magnetism and a distinction between weak and strong nuclear force. Anyway, as he righted himself up on the planet, he seemed to be much heavier than he usually was. Perhaps gravity is stronger here than it is in other universes. If that's the case, then that will just make his plan all that funnier to watch. He conjured himself up a mirror and begun to do his work of "fitting in" to the world.
Holy crap.
He looked disgusting. He was dressed in a weird mis-mash of blue, gray, and black cloth, while his hands were skeletal and unlike the human's. His face was probably the worst part however, as it was a unhealthy blue-gray. His eyes were sunken quite far into his head and the pupils glowed a unnerving neon green. The vitreous humor surrounding his non-existent irises was a spine-chilling, soul-sucking pitch-black. The worst part was there was two horns growing out of his head. This normally wouldn't have bothered the spirit, but the horns weren't asymmetrical by design. The right horn looked to have been broken off by something large and unfriendly, and the other was striped along it's length with blue and a sickly yellow while curving into a sharp point. His teeth were always visible behind a non-existent mouth. Taking this whole image into consideration, if he was still on Equestria, his appearance would have comically made the mirror crack, although this world abode by different physics, so he'd have to work differently in this world. This was what chaos, mayhem, havoc, mania, and disharmony looked like incarnated into this world. That cheat drone must've hated life if he looked like this all the time.
... What was this? He felt a strange pull toward an unknown destination behind him, and he turned around.
Discord took his first step in his new body towards what looked to be a large well.
"Jake, could you pass me the cold spaghetti?"
"Sure man. Hold on a second."
Finn the Last Human and Jake the Magic Dog were two of the Land of Ooo's most well-known residents, usually for their mathematical abilities in adventuring and exploration. They were known to some as heroes and to some scourges. Finn's insatiable desire to destroy all evil made him an excellent choice to be someone of his own caliber, while Jake the Dog was more worldly and talented in many aspects, whether it be his incredible way of playing his prized viola he scavenged from the Junk Kingdom (He thoroughly sterilized and fixed it up with the help of Shelby the Worm), or his incredible ability to stretch, grow, and warp his pliable, yellow-fur-covered skin to wondrous shapes and sizes whether it being his neck stretching into a giant harmonica, or even moving his face all around his body.
Finn was thirteen and actually went through the first stage of puberty already (voice deepening and muscular inflation), and is quite adept at physical challenges. He has an insane endurance rate, and is hyperactive enough to even be diagnosed with ADHD if it existed anymore. In fact, a certain villain known only as the Grand Master of the Gnomes even kidnapped him in order to power a machine that would eventually flip the planet's crust upside-down. Finn was well versed in the workings of most of the Kingdoms of Ooo, and usually only thinks completely straight while under pressure. He has had two major crushes in his life, one of which he is still trying to get over, the other he is still exploring. Finn usually has a tendency to feel odd after thinking about his distant past in which he as a baby was abandoned in the woods and was taken in by a family of sentient dogs, Jake being his somewhat big brother.
Jake is twenty-six in magic dog years, and has a very complex system for figuring it out. Jake used to be an "accidental thief" when he was quite young. He didn't know of many things, and didn't know the moral wrongdoings of his actions. Jake also has a very consistent relationship with his girlfriend Lady Rainicorn. A rainicorn is a rare breeding of a unicorn and a rainbow, and now there are enough of them that they are able to reproduce by themselves. LR is a very deep thinker, and also loves to play the viola. She only speaks in a dead language known as "Mandarin", and very few beings in the universe can understand it. Finn cannot understand her and Jake must fill in the blanks. LR has a very good sisterly bond with Princess Bubblegum, ruler of the Candy Kingdom and Finn's first crush.
Princess Bubblegum is a renowned scientist and is extremely analytical. She could be called a human-gum bio-hybrid but in reality is all bubblegum. She is able to separate objects at a mollecular level and can genetically engineer new life from DNA given to her by the denizens of the Candy Kingdom, herself, or other people. She is nineteen and is one of the top 4 most powerful (as in government power) people in Ooo, under only the Flame King, and Marceline the Vampire Queen. The most powerful figure under her standing in the Land of Ooo is known as the Ice King. She is incredibly dependent on science and magic, and would never have risen to power without them.
Each one of these people are incredibly important people in the land of Ooo, and nothing could topple the power they achieved.
Except the Lich.
The Lich was an ancient demon that had once lived on Earth before the Great Mushroom War, and found a way to destroy it. Using his powers, he corrupted the government of the United States to destroy most of the population of Earth by bombing the surface of Earth with hydrogen bombs, and having Russia completely obliterate the continents of Asia and Europe with a bomb so powerful, it completely destroyed a fifth of the planet's mass, and flooding almost the entire world.The Lich was incredibly powerful in mind and spirit, and was able to control anyone's mind if they did not have the proper magic barrier to protect themselves. The Lich was most likely the most powerful individual in the Solar System, even more so than the King of Mars, Abraham. The Lich was defeated by the two heroes Finn and Jake with the help of the Time God Prismo, and nearly eradicated him entirely.
Nearly.
"Here you go man," Jake said, handing Finn the plate of spaghetti
"Thanks Jake." They were eating lunch early in the day because they had been invited over to the Candy Kingdom for a meeting. The letter seemed to be of a more friendly importance, so they didn't feel too rushed. It was a little unusual for the Princess to send them a letter about coming over for a meeting, as PB can just fly over to the Tree Fort on her giant Swan or the supersonic Morrow Bird. Whatever the situation, it was not typical. The letter, however, only said she needed to discuss some things about things... Very specific indeed.
"Hey Jake?" Finn said.
"Yeah Finn?" Jake replied.
"What do you think this meeting is about, anyway? That letter was pretty vague about what PB needs to say. Why didn't she just come here to tell us?"
Jake took a bite of the sandwich. "I don't know, maybe it's a formal event. You think you still have your tuxedo from that mansion prank you tried to pull? You might wanna bring that just in case, but leave the wolf mask here." Jake said most of this with his mouth full of sandwich remains.
Finn mulled it over quickly in his head. "I guess that could be it," Finn slurped down a strand of spaghetti. "I'll go look for it after we finish eating. Beemo, do you need some stuff for in-between your sandwich?"
Beemo looked up from eating his two slices of bread. "No thank you. My circuitry cannot process anything other than carbohydrates and certain parts of motherboards." Beemo also said most of this with a full mouth. Jake looked unconvinced, however.
"I don't think so," Jake said uncertainly, "I saw you down a whole bag of warm hotdog water once." Beemo's eyes widened slightly at this, but he said nothing. His face eventually furrowed and he left his chair, walking away in a huff with purpose.
"What was that about?" Finn inquired.
"How would I know? He's Beemo, he's always doing weird things, remember when he was talking to his reflection and calling it Football or something?"
"That's true," Finn said, his head turning towards where the walking Gameboy stormed off to.
The trip to the Candy Kingdom was rather uneventful, as was the quick trip through the Kingdom's town to get to the castle. Jake stretched his legs back into the small, rather unimpressive spindly arms he was accustomed to, as Finn slid off his back. Jake reached an earlobe up to the relatively high knocker and banged on the candy-wood door twice. A small latch on the door's exterior opened up, showing only the eyes of someone inside. The latch slid shut once more and the large doors opened, revealing Princess Bubblegum in her usual wear and crown.
"Ah! Finn and Jake, please come insid--wait, Finn, why are you wearing a tuxedo?"
Finn looked down at his formal attire. "Oh, I wasn't supposed to wear this? Jake and i thought this might've been a formal event, so I brought this." Finn was incredibly embarrassed. He should've brought his adventuring pack with him, he always kept some spare clothes in there.
"Fair enough. Come inside, I need to talk to you two," PB said, turning around. The dynamic duo slowly followed her inside. They passed several rooms in silence until they came upon a familiar sight, the lab. PB opened the door and ushered the two inside. She locked the door behind her, and Finn started getting nervous, Jake as well."You must be wondering why I called you two here with such an odd note."
"Actually," Jake interrupted,"We're more concerned to why you locked the door."
"I don't want people to burst in here while we get down to business, do I?"
Finn's face got a little red at this.
"This is an important thing I must tell you, and it must be met with extreme secrecy. In fact, we won't even be talking, everything we will be saying will not be able to be heard by even ourselves. Everything will be written down on this holo-screen." At this point a large green screen with four green styluses and a few erasers rose from the floor, along with three pillars stationed near each one of the doors. The pillars hummed for a moment, the the hum immediately ceased.
"Princess, wha--" Finn started to say, but stopped because he couldn't hear anything he said. PB picked up a stylus and wrote on the board. it read:
'You cannot hear anything because we are surrounded by dumb holes.'
Jake immediately tried to say something, but it could not be heard. He picked up a stylus and wrote on the board, 'I resent that!!' PB shook her head and wrote some more.
'No, silly. A dumb hole is a black hole for sound, sound actually gets sucked into them. Dumb hole is their actual name. I use these whenever i must deliver a gravely important message that cannot be heard by anyone.'
Finn picked up a stylus as well, 'So what's the message?'
Pb hesitated, but wrote up on the holo-screen; 'There are some people in Ooo who have gone missing.' Finn and Jake's faces darkened at the revelation, but she continued writing. 'The ones I know that are gone are Lumpy Space Princess, my Peppermint Butler, Marceline, The Ice King, and Lady Rainicorn and Flame Princess.' The duo looked shocked, the very idea of their very own honey-boos getting hijacked just rocked their world. Finn immediately started scribbling an almost incoherent message on the board because of the horrible writing that came from his haste.
'Then what the zip are we doing here?! I have to find FP!' Jake took notice of this and scribbled as well.
'Lady is probably scared! She's all alone, I have to be there for her. She's my girlfriend for Glob's sake!' The Princess uttered an unheard sigh, but she went on anyway.
'There is another reason you're here. I've picked up strange signals coming from the Well of Loss.'
'Well of Loss?' Finn wrote.
'It's the pool I fell in when you defeated the Lich, but about a day ago, I got some strange energy feedback coming from the Well. It is incredibly close to the Lich's magic energy signature, but it is just slightly off. I don't think it is the Lich, since you two defeated him after the run-in with Prismo, but we can't be sure. The disappearances and the signals from the Well may be connected. That's where you two come in.'
Finn seemed to understand what to do, but Jake still needed a run-by again. 'So what are we supposed to do, Princess?'
Princess Bubblegum looked surprised, and faltered for a moment, but she continued. 'Just wait here, I need to get something for you guys.' After writing this, PB walked out of the room very quietly (It would have been really quiet anyway if there was any sound), and returned a few moments later holding three devices, two of which looked identical. She handed the heroes the two identical devices, and set the other on a table beside her. The Princess looked at the screen and saw it to be completely covered in writing. She picked up a holo-eraser and wiped down the screen. She then took another stylus and continued. 'I need you two to go to a few sites with these devices. Each one of the sites are where the disappeared people were seen last. If the signals from the Well of Loss are connected, then the energy signature at those places should match those at the Well.'
Finn now understood what needed to be done, as he'd been thinking out the situation quite thoroughly (His girlfriend was missing, it doesn't get more pressure-ful than that) during the run-by. Somehow, the devices the Princess gave them would probably transfer some scientific data from the places their friends disappeared to the device PB was carrying. It would be very simple, actually. His thoughts were proven correct after PB gave them a much more elongated lesson on how it all worked. Jake, of course, zoned out and would have to be re-taught by Finn later.
After the explanation of the mission, the Princess handed them a holo-crystal with the locations of where each mission person was last seen. Some were actually viewed when they had disappeared, through a strange gate in the air. The details were surprisingly hazy, but the locations were dead-on. After explaining in another unnecessarily long spiel, PB turned off the dumb holes, and sound returned. The sensation of hearing after you have basically gone deaf is indescribable in all ways excepting the fact that it's like you don't notice how much background noise there is in the world, and having it return is as if a wave of sound just impounds the eardrum.
"You can count on us, Bubblegum. This should be easy anyway," Finn reassured, "C'mon Jake, let's head to the Tree Fort, I think I left some stuff that may help us."
"Got it dude, see ya Bubblegum," Jake waved goodbye as Finn started walking out the door. "We'll be back before you can say... uh.. jellybeans jump... jealously... yeah. We'll be back before you say that 57 times fast! Yeah! Let's go Finn!" Jake bombastically exclaimed. The Princess, however, didn't seem to be too happy sending them off like that..
The wooden door squeaked open as the two heroes walked in, chatting to themselves while playing a game of Infinite Questions. Jake was winning time after time, and Finn was getting tired of playing.
"Come on Jake, Meat-Man's right arm? How was I supposed to figure that out? And really, what kind of man-made object is Mom? That doesn't even make sense! This game is bree-balls."
"Hey man, don't sass my Infinite Questioning skills, I spent two weeks honing them when you went on that missionary quest to save the Kitten Kingdom. You took a long time man! I only had Beemo to keep me company. At least he taught me this game, but I'm nothing compared to him, he's awesome at it! By the way, where is he?" Jake looked around, searching for the walking Gameboy.
"Yeah, I haven't seen him either... Beemo! Beemo, where are you, buddy?" Finn called out. "Beemo! Jake, what do you think happened to him? We just saw him this morning."
"Maybe he's in the bathroom talking to the mirror again." Jake reasoned.
"I don't think so, he would've said he was on the toilet at least. Whatever, I'm gonna go and find my pack. You keep looking for Beemo. If you can't find him, we'll look for him later, we've gotta head to the first disappearance scene!" Finn started climbing the ladder to their room.
"Sounds like a plan." Jake started searching for Beemo. He looked in only a few places (the bathroom and the treasure room) before he heard Finn call down from their room.
"Jake, where's Dad's sword, and where's my bronze one? I can't find either of them." Jake didn't like the sound of that.
"What? Both of your swords are gone?"
"Yeah man, I can't find either of them. My pack is on my bed, but both swords are gone. Dad's sword isn't on the pack, and my old bronze one isn't in our keepsake box. This doesn't seem good Jake." Jake stretched his head up to the room.
"No, it is not, and I can't find Beemo either. Maybe he took them somewhere to mess with us?"
"That doesn't make any sense either, he was never the pranking type."
"Oh, but I am." A quite familiar voice (Yet somehow slightly off) said gruffly and menacingly behind the two. Finn and Jake's head spun around to meet the new voice, and what they found did not help their dilemma.
"IT'S THE LICH, JAKE!" Finn exclaimed, his voice trying to hit a higher octave, failing, and cracking slightly.
"Wait, what? You've seen me before?" The Lich said, confused slightly.
"Of course we have!" Jake butted in, "We defeated you on Prismo's Time Cube! You should be gone!"
"I have never seen you two before today, but no matter, I need you two to do something, and you can't refuse my offer for you two to do it." The 'Lich' said to the two heroes, as a large cosmic-black hand grabbed them both and held them tightly. "You two are coming with me as well." A large circle appeared before the three oddball characters, and the 'Lich' jumped in, along with the cosmic hand tossing the two heroes into the hole. Both the hand and the portal started dissolving as Finn, Jake and the 'Lich' flew through countless dimentions and the spaces between them.
Author's Note
Alright, everyone. I'm so sorry at how long it took me to get this relatively short chapter typed up and published. Life just got up and slapped me across the face for a while there, and I cannot believe that it took me until three days after Christmas to get this set up. Sorry everyone. Here's the next chapter in Time's Up.
