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Chapter One - Flashback: Sacrifice
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Editors - Keobro, Quilzel, and NeutralMilk
The Fable of Flintlock Spark
Chapter One
Flashback -- Sacrifice
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Far beyond the outskirts of Northern Equestria lies a small village seemingly left behind by the world with few modern aspects. The village known as Kruxville had an archaic look, complete with a dwindling population of 107.
Kruxville was a lively place. Everypony enjoyed themselves every day. On the surface, the village appeared to be full of exuberant ponies. This joy was the camouflage of many dark secrets of the village's church, The Church of Galgoraughst. The church believed that at the beginning of every second decade, a sacrifice was needed.
Though many ponies were smiling, not all were able to partake in such joy.
When this foal was but 5 years old, his parents were accused of treason and theft towards the high priest. His bible, said to be the original of its kind had gone missing and he was looking for somepony to accuse. The foals parents, who were already somewhat suspicious due to their lack of social interaction and peculiar coloration and design, were at the wrong place at the wrong time and were picked to be the blamed. The villagers shunned the two and forced them from the village. In their sudden departure they left behind one thing, their child.
Because of his parents exile he was ignored and pushed aside by anyone he tried to make contact with. Also, unbeknownst to him, the High Priest had a decree set forth that none shall have no contact with him at all. Nearly everypony in the village obeyed as to not disturb or disrespect their old traditions. There was but one pony who would dare to speak to this young foal.
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Over at a small home on the southern edge of the village; seemingly abandoned with a beaten yard accompanied by an old wooden box with the word MAIL poorly engraved on the front; there was a small shadowy figure lurking nearby.
The figure closed in on the rear of the house, then suddenly...
*clink clink* There was a knock on the glass window.
A familiar voice was heard outside the rear windows of Flintlocks bedroom, "Hey, Flintlock Spark, open up will ya?"
Flintlock, suddenly woken by a knock, rose from his bed then trotted over to the window, swinging it open to see a familiar face holding a brown pouch the size of his head.
Rubbing his head then his eyes he asks "Thunder Bane? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night!" he says with a slightly annoyed tone accompanied by a slight yawn.
"Just let me in, I got something cool from my grandma!" Thunders' eyes were radiating with excitement when a faint sapphire aura began to form around him. Flintlock was struggling a bit but managed to lift his friend into the room.
With a small sigh and a raised eyebrow, Flintlock begrudgingly asks what the contents of the bag are.
"Just the coolest fruit in all of Equestria!" exclaims Thunder as he pulls out two decently sized, rainbow colored apples. "I wanted to come earlier but I couldn't get away from my folks. And we have to eat them by tomorrow morning, so we might as well do it now, right?"
With a bit of hesitation, Flintlock ensnared on of the apples with his telekinesis and brought it towards himself, "So, what exactly are these anyway? Are you sure that they're safe to eat?"
"I’m 100% sure that we can eat them. I think my grandma said that they are called Zap Apples." he says while searching for the best spot to take the first bite.
Slowly Flintlock brings the apple to his mouth, the aroma from the apple is a reminder that he had yet to eat today. Before he could take a bite, the sound of a loud crunch resounded in his ear, to turned to see that Thunder had taken at least a third of the apple in one bite.
His eyes growing wide as he stopped chewing and swallowed the entire mouthful in one go.
"THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE EVER TASTED!!!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, a smile from ear to ear.
"Jeez, keep it down!” Flintlock said with a strained whisper. “What if somepony hears you in here?!"
"Oops, sorry,” Thunder replied, smiling sheepishly, “ but that was amazing! Hurry and take a bite of yours before I eat it myself!"
Without another thought, Flintlock takes a small bite out of the apple. In that tiny bite, there was a king’s feast of flavor. The rapturous flavour flooded his taste buds in a massive wave. Thunder was just finishing his apple as Flintlock began to tear away at the rest of his.
"That was One. Awesome. Apple," exclaimed Thunder .
"No... kidding." Flintlock responded through heavy breaths.
With a small amount of apple remnants scattered about their faces they look at each other and began to laugh. Both thrashing about the floor trying to contain their laughter.
"Well let's clean up.” Flintlock began, rising to his hooves. “And then you better head home right away before your parents find that you’re missing.”
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Thunder Bane responded, cracking his neck.
While in the kitchen they both looked into a mirror and just stared.
Thunder look at himself, then at Flintlock, and back at himself. With a questioning look he asked “Do you ever wonder if we are actually related somehow?”
“It’s crossed my mind once or twice.” Flintlock responded with an ‘as a matter fact’ look.
They both had a black coat with bright blue hair and eyes to match, though Flint’s hair was a tad bit longer. Thunder had two luminous rings on his two front shoulders. Flintlock on the other hoof had rings around each of the lower parts of his legs.
The starred in wonder for a few minutes before resuming their cleaning.
Once they were cleaned up, Thunder headed on home and Flintlock got into bed to rest until Celestia’s sun rose to bring in the new day. A day that neither of the young stallions were prepared for.
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That morning Thunder had decided to make a trip to his friends house to see if he wanted to play some games in the yard. Upon his arrival, he found the house completely wrecked. Tables turned on their sides and broken glass strewn about the floor. On the counter there was a red liquid and Thunder knew exactly what it was.
Thunder searched the entire house to searching for Flintlock. After about 3 minutes of frantic searching with no one to be found he decided to head out. On the way out of the door he noticed a golden cross on the ground attached to a broken chain.
With fear of his friends safety Thunder galloped out of the house with a terrified look on his face, searching in every direction.
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Moments earlier, Flintlock was just getting up and about to eat when he heard a knocking on the door. He darted to the door expecting to see Thunder, excited for another day of good fun, but was greeted by four guard stallions, two pegasus, an earth guard, a unicorn, and the High Priest.
Flintlock’s eyes widened in fear as the ominous group began to advance toward him in a threatening manner. In a wild frenzy to escape his impending doom, he managed to retreat into the kitchen. He used his magic and opened the kitchen drawers to throw rusty knives and silverware at the guards only to be deflected by the magic of the Priest. However, one did manage to get by and barely grazing a pegasus guard.
The unicorn guard annoyed that such a young colt was giving this much trouble decided to take matters into his own hooves. He began catching all of the thrown items and sending out of the colts reach. The guard began casting his levitation spell upon him but Flintlock had other plans. He picked up a nearby plate unseen by the rest and shot it at the unicorn guard full force. The plate made contact with the guards horn and shattered on impact. He yelled out in pain as the magic was canceled and fell to the floor.
“ENOUGH!” The High Priest shouted, seething with anger as he threw Flintlock across the room like a ragdoll into the cabinets above the sink. After the impact the young unicorn tumbled to the ground knocked out cold.
The guards had looks of astonishment and disappointment about their faces. They were all useless while the Priest settled the matter with complete ease.
The angry clergy exited the home carrying the unconscious unicorn in his magic with the guards in tow. The unlucky earth pony had to carry his unconscious unicorn companion on his back for the rest of the trip.
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Flintlock awoke slowly trying to readjust his vision, amethyst chains on each limb suspending him in the air. Soon he regained his sight, looking around he notice that the chains were being emitted from four unicorn priestesses, each humming lightly, a dreadful tune.
He regarded the ground below him in fear of falling. In looking, he noticed a lucent magenta colored magic circle was formed with strange characters that he had only seen in ancient books left to him by his parents.
The High Priest spoke out to the ponies, “Mares and Gentlecolts of the village, today we begin the ceremonies."
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Author's Note
Editors - Keobro, Quilzel, and NeutralMilk
So, the first story that I've ever written, please give me reviews and criticism.
I hope to continue writing this but that all depends on how the reviews on this goes.
Now, hit me with all of my mistakes and things I should improve, so that I may try my best and bring fine entertainment in the form of a story!So this is probably the first thing that I've ever written, and I'm looking for any possible review or criticism. Tell me if you disagree with something, give me advice maybe and also point out the errors. Its appreciated!
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far anyway.
Also, this is an edited version, much better in my opinion but still not the best.
Again, thanks for reading!
Chapter two coming soon!
The Fable of Flintlock Spark
Chapter 2
Flashback - Rescue
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Thunder was galloping as fast as he could towards the church along the northern side hoping to find his friend. He burst through the giant double doors with a sense of disappointment and confusion upon his face upon realizing that Flintlock was nowhere in sight. As his breathing recovered the sound of dreadful humming filled his ears, the look of disappointment changing to one of fear. He bolted off to search for the origin of this melody.
Just as he turned the final corner he saw what seemed to be the entire village, paying no mind the the mysterious new addition in a dark brown shroud, he saw Flintlock suspended by dark chains.
Struck with fear but overcome with a violent rage, electricity sparked around him as he stood there but a moment. For in the next there nothing but rubble where his hooves once resided and a trail of blue lightning following his wake. With a loud *CRACK* Thunder flew above the crowd. Though his speed was monumental, it wasn't enough to break the barrier the priest had previously set forth. He collided head on with the magical shield sending waves of electricity across the dome.
Thunder howled in a bellow of pain upon his collision. He rubbed his head with one hoof and after a moment he realized what he had just accomplished. With newfound vigor, a smirk spread across his face and he began his next assault, uncaring for his own well being.
The priest turned his head to catch sight of the disturbance to see a crack forming in the barrier. Staggered by the impossible feats from such a young unicorn the priest was dumbstruck. He stood there, just staring until the situation dawned on him, "GUARDS! STOP HIM!"
Impressed with his new ability yet still enraged by the priests actions he charged at the barrier again and again, increasing in force each time.
"Dammit, why. wont. you. BREAK?!" He said in between each powerful strike.
The guards galloped into action, their attempts were futile. Wave after wave was knocked asunder as Thunders rage and power increased.
The specters were astounded by the sheer speed and power that this young unicorn was able to generate. While all stood in awe, the priest became more and more irritated with every strike.
The priest stood, enraged at the young unicorns disturbance, as his horn glowed an angry green. Disrupting the barrier just enough to Thunder to break through and run directly into the priests net of magic. He lifted the young one high into the air, then swinging him closer. "Look here FOAL, I will not let you disrupt this ceremony. Now,” he cleared his throat, “who are the parents of this colt?!"
Thunder was panting heavily while suspended in the air, there were small amounts of blood around his horn from his strenuous attacks on the force field.
Two ponies, looking just below middle aged walked through the crowd to the front. "T-That would be us, s-sir. W-We apologize for the actions of our foal." Spoke the trembling mother.
"Vail,”said the priest, pausing for just a moment to ease his nerves “keep him under close watch, any more interruptions from him and there will be dire consequences. Understood?"
Vail, still trembling slightly in fear but calmed slightly from the relief of knowing she was in the clear responded "Y-Yes sir. We apologize, i-it won't happen again-”
Just as the sentence was finishing, loud crackling sounds were heard nearby. Inspecting the source of the noise they see thunder was beginning to charge up electricity for another volley of attacks. But with quick reflexes from the High Priest Thunder was slammed to the ground and knocked unconscious. The mother looked away away finding comfort in her husband's embrace. The husband just flinched in response of the young unicorns body hitting the ground, he stared at the almost lifeless body with hate and remorse, mostly towards the colt. Hesitantly, the father lit up his horn and roughly dropped the colt on his back.
The villagers glared at the parents, every now and then, a stray rock found its way towards the small imitation family. Some looked at the parents and young unicorn with scorn. Few showed any care for the matter in front of them while others looked away simply because they didn't waste their time on looking at them. One in front even had the gall the spit at them. On the way to the back of the crowd they were shoved and pushed along the way.
Once they reached the back the husband dropped Thunder on the ground without even looking at him.
“Raze, why are you being so rough?!”
Raze’s calm demeanor disappeared when he heard this question and it brought an angry frown to his face. “Why...WHY?!” he yelled in a slight whispering tone. “This isn’t even our child, we should have never taken him in, HELL, he wasn't even technically born! I don’t know all the details but I know enough to say that this colt is no good! Don’t you see the trouble that he has caused us?!”
“Well, yes but-”
“But nothing.” Raze spat out interrupting his wife, “We’re getting rid of him.”
Not knowing what to say or how to act at her husband’s rage, she sat back on her haunches and looked up at the sky. The sun nearly gone, past the horizon glistened through a single tear on her face.
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The High Priest was just resuming the ritual, priestesses never ending their depressing hymn, as thunder clouds began to roll in. Instantly they believed that it was an early reward for the sacrifice that was about to take place. The crowd cheered for a while before the priest had to calm them down.
The priest walked to the top of the stairs ascending the sacrificial stage. Atop the stage he presented a dagger. Said dagger had black leather wrapped around the handle, the butt adorned with a dragons head and claw, a wing on either side with its tail slithering between. The blade itself was jagged and etched into it was the essence of the black dragons rage.
The Priest spoke aloud, for the time of sacrifice was nearing, “Villagers, the time is upon us once again to offer a single soul to our Lord.” The priest turned around and slowly walked towards Flintlock, who had watched in fear as these events had taken place. “Once every twenty years we must replenish his favor through the blood of a young soul.” The young colt struggled to no avail. Terror gripped him and his heart pounded in his chest. The priest inched ever closer with the knife held in his magic.
Flintlock was scared beyond imagination. But alas, there was nothing he could do. So, with all options exhausted, he hung his head and relaxed his body, preparing for his fate.
‘Don’t give up,’ said a voice. It was calm and soothing yet deep and masculine, a fact which puzzled Flintlock. ‘Fight!’ The colt then realized that it was not his own voice. He looked up and saw a cloaked figure rushing through the crowd, pushing past hordes of angry ponies who seemingly barely took notice of him.
‘Break free!’ Came the voice again. Flintlock, puzzled yet encouraged once more by the strange voice, struggled against the chains. The voices of the chanters wavered slightly as the spell weakened.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Asked the High Priest, ‘We’re just getting started.” As he finished, the sound of glass shattering flooded their surroundings. The old stallion wheeled around to see that the cloaked pony had shattered his shield with a mere punch. Taken aback, the priest stumbled backwards and his eyes widened. Before he could collect himself however, the mystery stallion made his move. He closed the distance between him and the priest in what seemed like an instant. Immediately his hoof was brought down upon the older stallion’s head and he was knocked out cold.
Author's Note
I'm so sorry...
