The (Mis)Adventures of Rainbow Dash ᵃᶰᵈ ᵗʷᶦᶫᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗᵒᵒ

by piedol

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3025

A bookish introvert and an outgoing sports-mare hang out and engage in various shenanigans. What could possibly go wrong? These are a series of random comedic tales starring the inarguably two best ponies in the Mane 6.

Take one part Twilight, one part Rainbow Dash. Mix them together and what do you find yourself with?

Friendship?
Adventure?
Magic?
A heaping helping of pure Awesome?
A recipe for disaster?

If you guessed 'All of the above and then some', you guessed right! Follow these two friends and companions in a series of adventures that range from silly to charming to hilariously perilous and all the way back again. You'd have to be be crazy (and uncool) to ignore such an epic mix of epic epicity. Interested? READ ON.

Author's Note: Updates will be irregular but not infrequent. The chapters in this fiction will be standalone, unless I specifically state otherwise. You need not read them in any particular order to fully enjoy them.

Published 2012-12-29 12:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-29 12:40:01 UTC

To Be A Better Writer

To Be A Better Writer

It was a bright and sunny, average morning in Ponyville when it all started. Twilight was not so busy studying the effects of magically grown mustaches on various species of caterpillar when the library's front door was slammed open by an excited looking Rainbow Dash. The startled unicorn leapt up from her desk in a hurry.

"They gave their consent, I swear it!" she shouted towards the flustered and panting pony in her doorway before her brain had a chance to catch up with her mouth, after which she slapped a hoof to her forehead with an embarrassed blush.

"R-Rainbow!" she greeted her friend nervously as she stealthily stuffed the doubly whiskered specimens into their individual cases, "What are you doing here? What's with the sudden—and once again unannounced—entry into my home?"

The cyan pegasus took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself down, smoothing back her frazzled mane as she did did so. Despite the attempted changes to her outright appearance, she couldn't hide the wild gleam in her twitching magenta eyes. Twice she tried to voice the cause of her anxiousness, but both times she could only sputter and gasp at the confused Twilight while making vague gestures towards a small bag slung around her neck.

"I don't get it," said the increasingly worried unicorn, "is there something in the bag that you need me to see?"

Rainbow Dash was finally beginning to relax, and her breathing shallowed. At last, she managed to blurt out her message with an unsettling fervor, "I'm going to become an author!"

Twilight took a step back in surprise. "What?" she asked, unsure if she'd misheard her sports-obsessed friend.

The athletic pegasus peeked out of the still swinging library door, looked left and right as if to ensure that their conversation was private, and shut as quietly as she could. She then leaned in close to Twilight, who leaned forward in turn to hear what she was about to say with unmistakable clarity.

"I—The Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all Equestria and future Wonderbolt—am going to write my very own book!"

Twilight deadpanned. "I'm sorry, but what? What's with the sudden interest in writing? Not that there's anything wrong with it, I mean. In fact, I'm glad to see you take an even greater interest in the world of literature. But... Writing a story isn't as simple as putting words on paper and selling it."

Rainbow blew a raspberry, "Well, pff- Duh! I knew that. Look, remember when you gave me all those Daring Do books a few weeks ago?"

"You mean the ones you have yet to return? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

"Uh, heheh... Right." The abashed mare rubbed a hoof behind her head before reaching into the small but fully stuffed bag at her neck and withdrawing several Daring Do novellas, all of which Twilight gratefully accepted and sent levitating over to the nearest empty desk.

"Like I was saying," Rainbow continued once the outstanding property was returned, "you know how I love Daring Do, right?"

Twilight gave her eyebrow a meaningful quirk.

The flamboyantly colored pony did an indignant double take, "I- I mean, the books about Daring Do! You know I'm not-"

"Yes, I get it!" Twilight chuckled, "You were saying?"

"Well, I finished the last of them last night, and I didn't know what to do with myself! I mean, it's like I just closed the door on a part of my life, and I found myself with a lot more free time."

"You mean more than usual?" the lavender mare sardonically asked.

"Real funny, Twi. Anyway, I realized that no matter how much I tried to nap like I used to before I got into reading, I just couldn't get my mind off Daring Do and her awesome adventures! I got so obsessed with the stories that I began imagining things that didn't even happen in the books, just for the fun of it. Then I realized that my changes made everything like, a lot cooler than the author was able to, and I figured, 'Why not write my own story?'. So I grabbed a pen and some paper and got to writing something that'd knock the stockings off ponies everywhere. I've got the first chapter done so far, and I wanted to get your thoughts on it before I wrote a sequel and got it published."

"Hold up," said Twilight, once again finding herself confused, "what do you mean 'sequel'? I thought you said you only finished the first chapter."

"Yeah, and I want you to read that before I come up with a sequel chapter," Rainbow repeated somewhat slowly, just to make sure Twilight didn't mishear her.

The young scholar stared at her friend, unsure what to think, but ultimately sighed and waved a hoof for her to go on.

She could already tell that it was going to be a long, long day.

Rainbow Dash reached into the now much less occupied bag and pulled out a moderately thick stack of loose unruled pages, all of which were covered from top to bottom in curly, unsteady scribbles. "Here," she said, and passed them over, "that's everything."

Twilight gave an impressed whistle. "Handwriting aside, there's a lot of material to go through. Did you really write all this in one night?"

"Yup!" Rainbow proudly confirmed, "Didn't even sleep. Can't rest with this level of raw genius flying about in my head."

Twilight giggled and trotted over to the nearest clear desk to read over her friend's work, "We'll see."

She tapped everything into a neat organized pile and set them down on the flat surface. The eager aspiring author peered over her shoulder, ready to accept the inevitable and unending waves of praise.

Twilight cleared her throat and began to narrate, "Chapter One. Daring Do flu on top of the awesomely tall trees in the forest of awesome monsters that had monsters and snakes and tygers and lieons and panters and other monsters that were chasing after her as she ran on the forest floor because her wings got injured while she was flying on top of..."

***

"Twilight?" Rainbow nervously called through the bathroom door, "You okay in there? Do you want me to go call nurse Redheart or something?"

A weak and muffled voice drifted back to her, "No. N- no, I'm fi- Huurk!" Twilight was cut off by a string of strangled groans as she once again forcefully expelled her stomach's contents into the face basin.

"Bleergh! Rainbow, I—Urrgh!—I'm sorry but I don't think that story is ready—Blargh!—Or safe for public viewing just yet—Squeak!"

The first-time writer listened to her friend's noisy suffering in the bathroom as she pondered what she could have done so wrong in her writing to cause the town's resident bookworm and the Element of Magic to become physically ill. Twilight hadn't even reached the best part of her tale—where Daring and her love interest Chad Dashter met while fighting off rabid carnivorous 'tygers' at the base of Mount Cool—before she'd made a mad dash for the bathroom and proceeded to spend almost half an hour retching.

"It can't be that bad," Rainbow protested.

"Rainbow, presenting writing like that would have been—Ugh—considered grounds for expulsion in Canterlot College... No offense. " Twilight groaned.

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

"It's language with the potential for weaponization, if that's any indication."

She frowned, "Wh- Seriously? I can't publish that! Aw man, this is nowhere near as good as I though it would be."

There was the brief sound of running water as Twilight washed her mouth (and eyes) for the umpteenth time, before the door finally swung open and the frazzled mare poked her head out. "And that's why I'm going to teach you to be a better writer," she announced with a weak smile.

Rainbow gave an excited leap and grinned wide. She may not have been anywhere near as good as she'd hoped, but if anyone could help her improve, it would be Twilight.

"Sweet! I know I'm nothing impressive yet, but I'll get there soon enough."

"That's the spirit! In fact, I look forward to the challenge. I believe anyone can achieve greatness if they try hard enough, and you're nothing if not determined." She put a hoof around her pegasus friend's shoulders and pulled her close, "I promise you that before this month is through, you'll be able to produce work that would put any one of Literature's greats to shame, and rustle more than a few short skirts in Canterlot."

"What does writing have to do with skirts?"

"Never mind that. For now, I want to focus on teaching you how to plan. And I know just how to do it."

She galloped to the other side of the room and began rummaging through several desks and drawers in search of something. Before long, she'd found it.

"Ah-hah!" Twilight exclaimed, triumphantly levitating a lengthy bright green quill for Rainbow to see.

"What's that?" she asked.

"This, my faithful student," she paused to let out an excited squeal, "is an automatic pen. I like to call it ‘The Editor’. When activated, it writes down everything the user says with perfect spelling and punctuation, every time. If you make a mistake while speaking, it underlines it so that you know where you need practice. You're going to narrate your story first, then we'll go over what's written down so that you learn how to spell by observation. Easy enough, right?"

"I guess so. Let's try it out."

Twilight clenched her eyes is focus. Her horn began to glow a soft purple, as did the quill. It lifted up into the air, and all at once there was a bright flash, and it ceased glowing. However, it did not descend once the spell had been cast. Instead it remained hovering between the two ponies, twitching slightly as if in anticipation. She set a strip of blank parchment on the table, and several more beside it, along with a freshly opened inkwell. The pen flew over, wet its own tip with the black ink, then moved across to the paper to await instruction.

"All set!" announced Twilight. "All you need to do is call out your story, and the enchanted pen will take care of the rest. I know that writing with company can be very distracting, so I’ll be downstairs busy with... tests. Call if you need anything!" With that odd farewell, she beat a hasty retreat to the basement, surreptitiously grabbing an opaque sealed case from beneath her desk as she ran by.

Rainbow watched her go with a curious tilt of her head, but paid no mind to her friend’s suspicious behavior. Turning back to the patiently waiting unstationary stationery, she cracked her neck left and right in preparation. "Alright, let's do this! I'll start from the beginning..."

***

Rainbow finished her narration and waited for the pen to catch up and dictate the end of her tale with a petite period. After looking it over once, she gave a satisfied nod to her work and called out, “Twilight! It’s ready!”

Immediately there was a loud crashing noise from down below, followed by several grunts and squishing noises.

“Oh no! Mr. Squigglebum! Get back in your container!” came Twilight’s muffled cry.

Rainbow trotted over to the staircase that led down to Twilight’s basement library and attempted to open the door, but found it locked. Perplexed, she knocked and shouted out, “Is everything okay down there?”

More crashing noises, more squeaks and squishes, and an odd rustling sound followed by a startled gasp, then Twilight shouted in reply, “Yeah! It’s fine! Just... Slide the story beneath the door and I’ll look it over!”

Rainbow Dash had been eager to hear immediate feedback for her story, but could tell that Twilight was in no position to immediately respond, so she simply shrugged and did as she was told. Once the stack of parchments had been folded and fully stuffed through, she called out, “Alright! It’s in! I’ll just be on the couch, taking a nap till you get around to reading it.”

Despite her attempts to relax though, Rainbow found herself sprawled out on the cushy seat and staring unblinkingly at the ceiling. She found herself unable to do anything but wait as her mind buzzed with questions and fleeting worries about the reception of her first chapter’s second edition.

Will she like it? Did I use enough fancy words? Did I get manage to capture all of Daring’s awesomeness and Chad’s boyish good looks?

The fears mounted and mounted, and she eventually fell into a light and troubled sleep...

This sleep was abruptly interrupted only a few minutes later by a nudge from Twilight, who held the stack of papers in a magical grip. Her expression was unreadable, which wasn’t exactly what Rainbow had been hoping for.

"Well, did you like it?" the prone pegasus asked hopefully.

Twilight hesitated, but answered carefully, "Could I understand the words? Yes. Was the writing any better? Well..." she winced.

Rainbow got the message, and her ears fell as she was faced with her second instance of failure within the same day. She pushed herself off the couch and met her friend face to face. "Okay, you're my mentor here. Tell me what I did wrong."

Twilight nodded. "The first thing I have to say is that I was wrong to expect the pen to fix everything right away. No matter how good 'The Editor' is, it can't make the story for you. It can only make sure that your idea is portrayed as legibly as possible, and hopefully catch some mistakes in the process. The final product is up to you, and I’m sorry to say that I can’t see myself enjoying this in its current stage.”

Rainbow shook her head to deny the apology. “It’s not your fault. If I need to get better, I will. Don’t hold back.”

“That’s a great attitude to have when it comes to writing,” said Twilight. “Alright, here’s what’s wrong: You repeat words too much. Once or twice in paragraph is fine, but your overuse of the words ‘cool’ and ‘awesome’ had me sick of them by the halfway-mark... of the first page. Next is the progression of your story itself. I mean, why was Daring in the Forest of Doom to begin with? I found myself in the middle of an adventure that was already happening, but instead of focusing on that adventure or explaining what was going on, you focused on making her into some sort of fantasy superpony whose catchphrase was inexplicably ‘That’s almost as cool as Rainbow Dash!’. On that note, self-inserts are among the worst things you can do in any form of literature..."

Twilight went on and on, listing flaw after flaw in Rainbow’s work without a single pulled punch. Each one left the amateur author feeling worse and worse about her prior efforts, but also more and more confident in her ability to avoid those pitfalls in the future. After nearly an hour of back to back criticism and offers of advice, she had come to a decision on what direction she wanted to take her story, and she made the announcement.

“Twilight, I know what I want to do next.”

Her mentor and critic perked up in interest. “Yes?”

Rainbow reached over and gently reclaimed her papers from Twilight. Pushing them into her bag once again, she faced her friend with a resolute expression.

“I quit.”

Twilight was flabbergasted. “Wh- What?! But why? After I went through all the trouble of-”

Rainbow shrugged. “It’s too much work, and my wings are getting cramped. There’s a reason my cutie mark aint a picture of some pen and paper. I’ll stick to flying fast and being awesome. Thanks for showing me the light.”

“But-!”

“Catch you later!” She grinned and gave the stunned unicorn a pat on the shoulder, and in a flash she was out the library, flying off to spend her day doing something with more instant gratification.

Twilight was left alone and staring in disbelief at the door, which had of course been left swinging wide open. She felt like shouting and screaming in frustration after her chromatically maned ex-student that had wasted her effort and, more importantly, had the audacity to fire her as a mentor. Before she could vent her emotions though, there was loud thunk from down below, followed by the sound of breaking glass. She gasped, and without another thought , she spun on her heels and sped for the lab, muttering as she went.

“I knew adding the growth spell was a bad idea!”

~*~*~

Far above Ponyville, in a particularly cozy cloud home, one tired cyan pegasus set down her quill and blew the last bit of ink dry. She set the final page of her latest short story beneath the rest and picked up the entire pile of pages, shuffling them into as orderly a fashion as she could manage. In the soft amber glow of the dying candle beside her, she looked over her work.

“Heh, I think this is my best one yet,” she said with a strained but satisfied smirk. “Me, being bad at something? That’s a work of fiction if I ever saw one. I wonder what I should call it though...”

She thought for a moment, and settled on the first idea that came to mind. She quickly penned in the title at the very top of the first page, and with that, her work was complete for the evening. “‘To Be A Better Writer’?” She read aloud. “Sounds corny, but it’ll do.“

Standing up for the first time since Celestia had sent the sun below the horizon, she stretched her cramped legs and headed for bed. As she walked, she thought over the night’s endeavors in anticipation of the coming day. “I can’t wait to show Twilight how much better I’ve gotten. This whole ‘twist ending’ thing is fun!”