I Hate Ponies

by Shadow Speck

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Original Character, Spike, Adventure, Princess Celestia
Length: 1865

A human that hates the show is trapped in Equestria.

One thing is clear. My Little Pony is a show made for little girls.
In today's society, grown men are not expected to like it.

This story follows a hater's life, opinion, and adventure through another world.

He despises My Little Pony and it's fans in every possible way, but what if one visit to Equestria changed his whole opinion?

Published 2012-01-18 10:11:51 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-19 01:21:39 UTC

The Night I Couldn't Remember

Another day of work, except that we got work done pretty quick. As I was walking home, I saw some guy with long hair and glasses, wearing a t-shirt with the words "Brony" on it along with a picture of a pink pony below it. I shoved him as I walked by.

"Get a life!" I shouted at him.

Looking back at me for a moment with a blank face, he then turned around and kept walking in the other direction. This was something I'd expect from a guy who likes girly shows. I continued my walk home with a scowl on my face.

When I got to my apartment, it was about nine at night. I sat down on the couch with a sort of dreadful feeling, turning on the TV. I worked late and was hardly ever home at this hour, so nothing really good was on. I switched over to the one channel that always cheered me up when I was younger... cartoons. At least I didn't have an obsession over it.

I'm always a tired person, hardly getting any sleep. Having a bad day didn't help. Pretty soon, I dozed off.

I opened my eyes to a sun shining down at me, straight from the middle of the sky. Blinded by the light at first, I stood up wondering where the heck I was. The only thing around me was some grassy hills and trees. The sky and the air around me felt more clear than I had felt in years, being a man living in a city full of smog everyday. Regardless of the intense light the sun gave, the mood was strangely... perfect.

Regardless of how real it felt, I must have been dreaming. I could have pinched my own arm to wake myself up, but it was too nice of a dream for that. A few feet away from me was a dirt path. As I walked over to it, I noticed a wooden sign to the side. On it, I read the words as "Everfree Forest".

I did the only thing I felt like. Walking.

Greeted by Rainbows

The woods were peaceful with birds quietly chirping and windy blowing the green leaves. As I walked the dirt path through the bright woods, I realized that I hadn't been this relaxed in years. There wasn't much life besides the butterflies, birds, and the occasional rabbit or two.

It felt like I was walking for who knows how long, and my legs were starting to get a bit sore. Strangely enough the sun had barely moved from where I first saw it. Sitting down on a log to the side of the road, I noticed I was wearing the same clothes as the day, or whenever, before. They were slightly dirty.

Then suddenly, the silence of the peaceful forest around me broke as I heard a distant sound. It sounded to me like an airplane flying over. Standing up, I then walked over to an opening to see what it was. There over the hills in the distance was a small creature, soaring through the sky very quickly. Behind it was.. a rainbow.. Nothing like I'd ever seen before.

"It's just a dream." I said to myself, watching the rainbow at it loomed an arch over the horizon. Probably just some rainbow unicorn creature that will come down and fly me away to some magical candy land.

The rainbow started dashing high into the sky past the clouds. I lost sight of it until it came back down below them. Then the jet flying noise started the grow louder, and the magical rainbow horse started going faster, and faster. I watched it soar down the sky like watching a roller-coaster drop.

Then, all of the sudden, a huge burst of light flashed before my eyes. This was then followed a second after by a blast of sound, pounding onto my chest and in the forest around me. The trees swayed, followed by dust and leaves blown everywhere. I fell to the ground, and I felt the pain of it.

"Holy hell," I said out loud, "This is no dream."

I looked back up at the sky to see a huge mark in the sky of all colors. It was like a firework, but twenty times cooler. I traced back up to the figure that just created this awesomeness. I could only see the rainbow it was leaving behind it was the only thing I could see. It was closer, and sort of had a light-blue look to it. Now, it started doing all these really cool tricks. Spinning, twirling, and zig-zagging at speeds that made me a little dizzy. Now, only flying in the air about a quarter mile from where I was standing and watching it, I could see that the figure was colored light-blue, and did not look like a human or any sort of plane. It looked more like an animal, with feathered wings.

Whatever it was, it was flying closer to me now. I could see the creature better as it started to lose speed. It did a few more twirls, and started zig-zagging again, but it looked like it might have lost control. Then suddenly it took a quick nose-dive towards the ground. The cyan colored creature then took a sharp turn towards me, probably because I was standing in the open.

"Watch out!!" It shouted, heading right at me.

I think I was out black for a few minutes. Nothing felt broken, maybe just my chest that got impacted by an animal flying incredibly fast. No, it was just bruised. I sat up to look for the creature that collided with me. Right from behind was a creature of a light-blue coat, darker pink eyes, feather wings open, and a rainbow colored mane. It was about half my size. Immediately I recognized it from the fifty pictures the bronies sent me days ago.. It was one of the ponies from the show I so despised.

"Are you alright?" It asked me with a slight smile. "I sorta hit you pretty hard back there."

I sat up to gather my thoughts, still a little sore from the hit I took. I don't know what prevented me from wanting to strangle that creature right there for the annoying, girly fans it had...but something stopped me. Maybe it was that amazing show it just put on in the sky, or maybe those eyes it was staring at me with.

"Yeah.." I said, "I'm alright."

Somehow the impact didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. That pony must have been slightly heavier than a bird. I sat up, taking my hand off my chest as the pain started going away.

"Alright, well sorry for hitting you, uh.. sir." It said in a girly yet tomboy-like way, then turned around and looked like it was about to fly away.

"Wait," I asked, "How did you do that trick, and how are you.. here?"

The cyan pony looked at me in curiosity, then said without hesitation, "You're looking at the fastest and most awesome pony in Equestria, Rainbow Dash!"

"Equestra-wha?"

"Equestria." She replied, "Say, where are you from? I've never seen a creature like you before."

I sat there with a blank face, puzzled by what I was seeing. Was I on Earth? So, I slapped myself on the cheek to try one more time to wake up from the dream. It hurt, and I had confirmed to myself that this was definitely not a dream. The pony looked at me, raising an eyebrow and smirked.

"Well.. I gotta go, much flying practice to do, as you can see," The flying pony said and and began flapping here wings. "But hey, it'll get dark outside in a few hours. The Everfree Forest isn't really a place for someone like you. The only place around these parts it Ponyville." she said, pointing her hoof in the direction behind her.

"Uh..okay."

"Hope to see you again some time! I owe you one!" and she flew off towards the place she pointed to. Ponyville, was it?

For being a pony, that was a pretty awesome trick. But that still shouldn't mean guys should watch the show.

This wasn't a dream, and I wouldn't have survived long out there in the forest. God... I only had one choice.

Life of Man

I Hate Ponies
by Shadow Speck

One thing should be clear, I hate My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I am the average, everyday man. My life is basically a small apartment and a decent paying job. I don't have much more than that, nor do I have much to look forward to. The city that I live in is nothing but grey, busy streets with police sirens every other hour.

Every day is almost the same with me. I get up, drink some coffee, then walk to work, then I come home to start all over. I hardly ever get days off. When I do I spend my time mostly on the internet. The entertainment is what keeps me going. When I was a teen, I didn't do much but be on the internet playing games, watching videos, and discussing topics on forums. That hasn't changed a whole lot.

One day, I was on the internet opening my browser. I didn't like watching the news of TV because it took so long, so I look it up online. To my surprise, something about 'My Little Pony' was on the front, having to do with grown men watching it. I was both curious and bored, so I opened the article. It talked about this new show and it's increasing rates of fans. "Bronies" is what they called themselves. In my mind I only pictured fat, old men with strange obsessions. Nothing that would ever interest me.

After leaving it at that, I went on and signed into some forums for a video game I play. Wow. At least 10 bronies were making threads talking about it. I guess the hype was getting around the internet to people everywhere. But who am I kidding, the internet is a messed up place.

These people posted all sorts of internet memes and fan videos. I didn't have anything to say but to call them a bunch of woosies. They came up with these phrases like 'Haters gonna hate' and 'Love and tolerance' when I trolled on them. The endless pictures of ponies they sent me is what made me hate the show the most. If rainbow and pink ponies didn't make it enough of a frilly cartoon, then maybe the title "Friendship is Magic" will convince someone that men shouldn't be watching it.

I thought I would be a hater forever.

Thanks for surviving through the first chapter, everypony! This is not how I personally feel, but what the inside of a hater's mind would feel like. Things change a lot a lot after this chapter. My goal here was to set the character and the feeling. Hope you read and enjoy the rest!