In Which Lyra Sees A Human...

by Spacecowboy

Rating: teen
Tags: Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Random, Human
Length: 1150

Lyra regales Bon Bon with her tale of seeing a human. This cannot end well.

Lyra comes home one evening and tells Bon Bon the most ridiculous thing ever: That she saw a human on the edge of the Everfree Forest. A story ensues.

This was a quick 30 minute write up of an idea that came to mind a few days ago that just would not leave me alone. It is not meant to be taken serious in any way, mostly a little bit of darker humor that hopefully will bring a laugh or two to your day.

Published 2012-12-29 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-31 00:45:37 UTC

... And Tells Bon Bon All About It

Lyra walked into the house, saddlebags bulging as the sunset framed her figure before the door closed behind her. Bon Bon had already made it home, as the earth pony typically closed the shop early on Sunday evenings.

"Hey Bon Bon, you would not believe the day I had today!" Lyra cheerfully greeted her girlfriend as she levitated her saddlebags to rest upon the stand next to the doorway.

"I think the same goes for me Lyra. Apparently the deadly trio managed to get away from Rarity's supervision... Again! I swear, I don't know how they manage it, but I was finding sweets all over the place for hours afterwards, even with Twilight coming over to help clean up." Bon Bon let out a long sigh, as this wasn't the first time the tiny terrors of Ponyville had visited her shop.

"Oh, what were they trying to do this time? Last time was the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Sweets Exterminators', right? It can't be much worse than them trying to eat everything in your shop!"

Bon Bon fixed Lyra with a deadly glare that could rival Fluttershy's legendary gaze at the remark the mint green unicorn offered up. "Well, they decided this time around they would try 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Inventory Keepers'. And now that Sweetie can do some levitation and Scootaloo can fly... It was hell. So, top that Lyra!"

"Well, remember... Humans?" Bon Bon raised a hoof to her face as Lyra began down this trail that had been walked down oh so many times before. It was the one vice that she was simply unable to get the unicorn to break, and she simply had to put up with it and humor her marefriend while she rambled on about the 'mysterious creatures' that had supposedly once dwelled in the lands. She simply sighed as the tirade began to assault her ears once more.

"Well, as you know, it has been brought up that at one point in the past some sort of creatures shared the lands with us. Of course, neither of the sisters will ever confirm or deny such a thing, but bits and pieces of their culture show themselves in our society, and artifacts sometimes appear out of randomly thin air! No one knows what happened to them or where they went, but there is a growing community that is sure of their existence!" Another groan broke Lyra's speech, Bon Bon already thinking out the next words in her head of this speech that seemed to come up at least once a month.

"Well, the most amazing thing about them is that, although they have no magic or the ability to use any, they have... Hands! Little things like Spike's paws, they can manipulate objects much better than we can with our hooves, and it is that distinguishing factor that makes them so unique! Just imagine it Bon Bon, being able to do the things we do in half, no quarter the time it takes a non unicorn to do it in! Plus, they're so tall!"

"Well, I saw one today!" Bon Bon stopped mid groan, unsure of what she had just heard.

"Come again Lyra? What did you just say?"

"I saw a human today! It was awesome!"

"Lyra... I think you need to cut back on Pinkie's specialty cupcakes, apparently the ingredients aren't safe." The unicorn completely ignored her and continued on.

"Well, you see, I was walking along the edge of the Everfree because I wanted to go ask Fluttershy a question. Midway to her cottage though, I heard a fierce yell, from something I had never heard before. Out of the treeline came a human, followed by a manticore not ten seconds later, and man did it look pissed!" Bon Bon was staring at Lyra with her jaw nearly to the floor as Lyra continued on, oblivious to the effect her words were having on her marefriend.

"Then, the human killed the manticore!"

"Okay, now I know for a fact you need to quit eating Pinkie's food. I'm forcing you to go on a diet Lyra, and no weird mushrooms anymore either!" Bon Bon managed to gasp out as Lyra momentarily came to a halt in her narration. "So, let's say I humor you. What happened next, and how come the human isn't here, hmm?"

"Oh, so the human stopped in the clearing and pulled out some sort of knife. It was kind of small, but it stopped and faced down the manticore. It dodged two swipes that had been sent at it before lunging in and getting a nice slash on the manticore's face. That made it really angry, and they ended up fighting for another few minutes."

"Wait... So, you just sat there and watched them fight? Didn't step in and help out or do anything at all whatsoever?" Bon Bon asked Lyra, still in complete disbelief at the fantasy being weaved by the unicorn.

"Nope, it was too much fun watching the human move and work while it was fighting! They really can bend in odd shapes... That gives me an idea for tonight... Anyways, so eventually the fight came to an end when the human managed to strike it in the throat... Kinda gruesome really, good thing I hadn't eaten yet." Lyra paused, head tilted to the side somewhat as she thought about something.

"It's a real shame though."

"What is a shame Lyra?" The earth pony asked after a silence had filled the air for over a minute.

"Well, it died. It seems the manticore managed to stab the human in the chest with its tail after taking that fatal blow, and the human collapsed right after."

"And, you didn't go to nopony with this information or once thought about stepping in, really? So, where is your proof? It all sounds like some tall tale to me!"

"Oh, just one second, I've got the proof for you." Lyra turned her attention back towards her saddlebags and began rummaging around them with her magic, finding what she was looking for with an exclamation of glee. Bringing two oversized jars up and out in to the air, Bon Bon keeled over backwards on the couch out cold at the sight of what they contained.

"See, here is my proof! HANDS!"

Author's Note

Author's Note : So, after a mild bout of insanity tempered with a pinch of humor, I had this idea spring into my mind. Was fun to write it, dedicated thirty minutes to it. It is indeed very crude humor that plays and pokes at multiple stereotypes, and it most likely has been done somewhere before. But this one is mine, and I shall call him George. Anyways, hope you all enjoy this, may it bring some laughter to your day!

See You Later, Spaceco- Me.