Workin' For The Royal Plot

Chapters

First Day On The Job.
The Royal Pussy Cat
Cat and Mouse.
A Trot Down Canterlot
Capes. Mares Love Capes.
Laughing At Your Pain: Part One
Laughing At Your Pain: Part Two(Updated Chapter)
Laughing At Your Pain:Part Three
Laughing At Your Pain: Part Four.
Laughing At Your Pain: Finale. Part One.
Laughing At Your Pain:Finale. Part Two.
First Night As A Night Guard.
The Kindness of A Gamer.
The Pre-Anger of A Gamer.
Hiatus.
I Got 99 Favorites...

First Day On The Job.

Hey! Listen! Listen, Hey!

"...Mmmm. Five more minutes..."

Hey! You! Yea, you! Get up!

"...But I don't wanna get up!" You say, lazily shifting in your bunk. "And why are you announcing my thoughts in third person?"

Because your conscience says so! Now get up before-

"PRIVATE! GET YOUR LAZY FLANK OFF OF THAT BED! YOUR NEEDED FOR DAY SHIFT!"

Instantly, you fell off of the top bunk and fell face-first onto the cement ground. You look up, cursing silently because you hit your muzzle on the cold ground. Your drill instructor, Drill Sarge, or how your buddies usually call him Short Fuse because he always yells at you, has been on your ass since you first entered and finished Celestia's Royal Guard Boot Camp and Luna's Night Guard Boot Camp. You knew that you will get more hours and little time to rest, but you were all like, "Buck it, more bits more mares" and decided to work for the both of them. Besides, one full day is twenty four hours, which means one day you'll be working for one of the princess' for twelve hours and get the other for resting. Noticing that your asshole of a drill instructor was getting angrier and angrier by the second, you quickly got back up on all fours and saluted him.

"WHY IN THE FLYING MOONS ASS ARE YOU STILL HERE?! GET YOUR ASS INTO THE DAMN SHOWERS AND GET INTO YOUR UNIFORM, MAGGOT!" Spit is landing on your chest as you look straight at the wall, doing your best to not glare at Drill Sarge for getting your name wrong.

"MAGGOT! HEY, MAGGOT! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOUR ASS IN THE SHOWER!"

Annoyed that he got your name wrong again, you responded. "Sir, with all do respect, my name is not Maggot, it's-"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS, PRIVATE! GET IN THE SHOWER AND SHOW UP IN THE MESS HALL! BOTH PRINCESS' WANT TO HAVE A WORD WITH FRESH MEAT LIKE YOU AND ALL THESE OTHER MAGGOTS!" Drill Sarge said, almost making you deaf. You have never heard the royal canterlot voice before, but something tells you it isn't louder than Drills voice. Gulping and saluting, you quickly gallop into the shower rooms with your gold plated uniform on your back.

You walk in line with all the other stallions, wearing your gold plated armor all polished up and feeling squeaky clean. This is actually your first day of the job, and looking at the beautiful architecture and decorations made you gasp in awe. The walls were marble, shining brightly when ever you looked at them. The floor was also marble, but was cut up into squares and not protected by the hard glass like the marb walls are. The large windows let enough light to enter the long hall and temporarily blind you, making you bump into another guard.

"Hey! Watch where your going, idiot!" He had that, "come at me bro" look on his face, but you ignored his bitching and kept trotting foward. You didn't mutch care for name calling, but this stupid motherbucker doesn't give up easily.

"Yea, keep trotting, you no nipple having, saggy titty, Sara Jessica Pony Parker looking, bitch!"

Oh, damn. Are you going to let this punk say that?

Your turn around. "Oh, hell to the motherbucking no, now you bucked up!" You say, clearly pissed off at this guard. You trot up to him, but Drill Sarge stepped in between you two, You expected him to yell at you, but instead he just smiles and looks at a giant door;Obviously the door that leads to the mess hall.

Before you could ask him why, he turns away and chuckles. "Looks like I'm done with you all, I hope you all are prepared." You raise a brow, wondering why yhe sarge would say such a thing.

"Prepared? For what sarge?" Another guard asks. Drill turns around and grins.

"Good luck!" He turns around trotting away and laughing. You don't know what he's talking about, but you shake it off because it doesn't seem like you should worry about it.

The doors to the mess hall opened up, revealing other guards of higher ranks laughing and eating their food. You and the other new recruits nodded and decided that it would be wiser to sit down at an empty table, most likely at the privates table all the way at the end of the room. Unfortunately, breakfast was over, so you just sat down and stared at the ceiling.

You then noticed that the room grew silent, and you lower your head to look around for the reason why everypony was so quiet.

"Good morning, my little ponies!" You hear a motherly voice say. You look up to the entrance, and found both the royal princess' standing in the doorway. Princess Luna looked alot older than she was first brought back into the castle. Her mane glistened in the day light, like there is little stars in her flowing mane. Her coat was a dark, midnight blue, while her eyes were a bright turquoise color.

Princess Celestia looked a bit...different. Well, she looked the exact same, but her mane was a pinkish color, rather than her usual four colored mane. All of the stallions either nodded or said good mourning, some responses groggy, and others happily . Both Princesses looked over at the guards, table by table until she found yours. They smiled, trotting up to your table.

"All of you must be the new recruits, correct?" Princess Celestia asks you all. You and the other guards nod, earning a smile from the royalties. "Wonderful! How many of you signed up for the day shift ?" A few raised their hooves, including you. "And who signed up for the night shift?" Princess Luna asked with a smile. The other half of the group raised their hoove, you did as well. This earned a raised brow from Princess Celestia.

"You there, didn't you sign up for the day shift?" She asked. The other stallions raised their brows, including the elite soldiers on the other tables, most likely shocked that a stallion like you signed up for both.

"Yes your highness," You say, nodding your head. "I have to make my bits somehow."

Celestia 's raised brow lowered , and a small, smile formed around her lips. "Really now? A hard working pony working both shifts to feed his family." You raise a brow, making Celestia 's smile wider. "Alone I see? Even better."

Before you could ask what in the buck she was talking about, she looked over at the other stallions. "All day time stallions come with me, including you." She points at you, smiling...differently. Luna said the same the same thing to her guards, and soon, you and the other guards leave with Celestia.

In the background, you could hear somepony laughing. "May Faust have mercy on their souls."

Author's Note

Hope you guys are ready for some comedy!

The Royal Pussy Cat

You walk behind four other guards, wondering what assignment the princess wanted you to do. You wondered how your sleep schedule was going to change since you are going to be working for both the princess', and yet again bumped into another guard. He didn't say any thing though, all he did was frown and trotted ahead. Soon, you and four other guards stood next to Celestia as she stood under a large doorway.

"Before I leave you five to your posts, I would like to give you the tour of our castle." She said, smiling. She opens the door and leads you inside the large room, filled with spears, gold plated armor, and weights. You wondered why the princess would have weights in an armory room. Matter of fact, why is their a small bottle of foal oil on the top shelves, next to a teddy bear?

"This here is both your weight room, and your armory room, where you can hang your armor and personal belongs in your lockers." She said, smiling and trotting over to a door as tall as her. You all fallow her, looking around the new room. "This here is the shower room, whenever you would like to take a shower after, oh, lets say, wrestling, you can come in hear and relax." You noticed how she said wrestling in a weird voice, but you no longer thought about it and nodded your head. Princess Celestia closed her eyes and smiled, sniffing the air.

"Mmmm..I love the smell of... is that you?"

She opens her eyes and stares at you, making you wonder what you smelled like.

'Do I smell bad? I did take a shower today early this morning, and I am using that new shampoo, Mane and Shoulders.' You knew that Mane and Shoulders made you smell good, even made your mane all shiny and shit. 'She must be smelling something else in this shower room, it could be- Why is she staring at me like that?'

Princess Celestia was staring at you, eyes half closed and smiling. "You there, what shampoo are you using?" She asks opening her eyes fully. You tell her it's Mane and Shoulders, and she nods. "Hmmm, I see. Well, lets get going shall we?"

You all leave the shower room and the armory room, closing the door behind you. You're not sure why, but having the princess ask you about what shampoo you used made you feel a biut uncomfortable, and you move further away from Celestia when she trotted by you.

She noticed how you shifted to the side when she got near you, and smiled. You smiled back and kept trotting forward, keeping your eyes up front. Eventually, you, Celestia and the other guards stopped in front of another door. When she opens it, you were all greeted with beds of all sizes, all were bunk beds but you didn't care, you were just glad these beds looked cleaner and more comfortable than the ones back in boot camp.

"This here will be where you will sleep everyday and night when you are done with your shifts." Celestia said, smiling at the other guards. "Go ahead, have a look around." They all went inside the room, one by one until it was just you. You tried to walk in in, but the princess layed a hoof on your shoulder. "Except you, my little pony. I have a special room for you."

"A room to myself? That sounds great princess, but don't you think you should give one to one of the elite in stead of me?" You say, trying your best to sound as polite as you can be.

"You are very moddest, but a guard that signed up for both shifts should get their own room." She said, patting your back. "Besides, you will be working with me for three days and Princess Luna for four, which is very tiresome and a pony that works that many days needs a good sleeping pattern." She patted you on the lower back. which made you squirm a bit. She giggled, then returned to her normal posture. "Now come, I have your first assignment ready to go."

"But princess, what about the other guards?" She looks back into the room, then closes the door with the use of her horn. She nudges you with her wing, smiling.

"I will deal with them later, for now, let them enjoy their beds. Now come, I need you to help me with something."

The Canterlot Gardens is truly a beautiful sight to see. Woodlen critters play around the many statues that surround the garden, plants growing into pretty colors and shit. Pretty colors, yea, you like that shit don't ya?

Anyways, you and Princess Celestia stand at the entrance of the garden, looking at all of the plants. When she said you had your very first assignment, you were expecting some action, like fighting some bad guys, or rescue somepony in distress, not...not...

"I need you to find my dirty pussy!"

Yea...that.

You raised both brows, shocked, surprise and even stranger, a little turned on that the princess would say such a thing. You looked at her face, and she looked a little sad.

"Um...Princess, I'm not sure how to help you find your pussy-"

"Cat."

Woah. Backfire.

"...Cat?" You then gasped in realization, almost facehoofing in front of the princess. "OH! Cat. Yes, cat. Yes princess, I will help you find your cat. Mind if I ask what it looks like?"

"Well, she's white."

"...That is all?"

"Yes."

Nodding, you told the princess that you would find her cat, and ventured into the garden, looking for the royal pussy.

Author's Note

Yes, this does seemed a bit rushed, but hey, this is Molestia we're talking about. Hope you had a good laugh!

Cat and Mouse.

You journey deeper into the gardens, occasionally stopping and looking around for the cat Celestia owns. Everywhere you trotted, your ears would be filled with the soft crunches of the grass below your hooves, the chirping and thumping pawsteps of little animals, and that weird noise you would always hear when ever you watched an anime scene that took place somewhere outside on a hot summer day.

"Seriously, why are you commentating my every move?" You say, clearly annoyed and confused because your conscience is announcing your every move. "I just said that! And stop doing that person thing, it's bucking annoying."

Bitch, you just jealous of my super sayian swag! Now shut the buck up and keep trotting, you have to find that cat soon, otherwise Princess Celestia'll fire your ass.

"Yea, yea. Calm down you." You say, as you circle around statues in the garden. You look at this one statue, which was a mare standing on both hind hooves with her forelegs kicking the air. You wonder who this mare was, but then stopped caring after setting your eyes on another statue. A very familiar statue.

"So this is Discord, huh? He is one clusterbucking, strange draconequus looking motherbucker." You say, with such a sailors' mouth. But you have to admit, Discord looked like his mother bucked, like, twelve other creatures, and because she took so much love juice, all of the seamen combined and formed him. "No wonder he's the spirit of chaos, his whole body is a walking Ponycasso painting."

You trot away from the statue, now searching for the royal cat in the bushes. With no luck, you decided to search in another area, like that lab-

"I think I'm going to go check in the maze place over there, maybe the cat'll be there."

...Bitch, did you just cut your conscience off?

"Yea, so what if I did? What are you going to do about it? Come at me br-Oof!" Ha, thats what you get. You bumped into the wall of the labyrinth, falling on your ass and hitting your head on a nearby rock. Thankfully, your helmet absorbed the hit and you stood up quickly, looking around too see if anypony saw you.

"Thank Faust nopony saw that. Now, lets go find the princess' dirty pussy!"

...Really?

"Damn straight. I don't mean it of course."

Sure you don't. Anyway, you trot into the labyrinth, walking deeper and deeper into it, searching every corner you could possibly find, and the damn labyrinth was, like, 90% wall of hedges and the 10% of it was just the dirt path. Eventually, you found yourself in the center of the labyrinth, surround my six statues: Three butterflies as one statue marked "Kindness," one with a cloud and a three colored lightning bolt labeled "Loyalty", one with three apples marked "Honesty", another statue with three diamonds marked "Generosity", one with three balloons marked "Laughter," and in the center of the five was the sixth statue, a six pointed star labeled, "Magic."

Curious, you trot up to the Magic statue, getting a closer look of it. When you reached the ledge, you noticed a small carving on the statue.

"C+T.S.? Who are these two?" You say out loud, raising a brow at the mysterious carving.

*CRUNCH!*

You were dead silent, but instinctively spun around and narrowed your eyes all around you. You looked around, slowly moving your neck around and opening your ears wider so you can sound-whore your way to safety. You trot slowly in a circle listening carefully to the noise around you.

"Who's there?" You asked with a forceful tone.

*CRUNCH!!!*

You turn around again, looking at a nearby bush, rustling quietly. Since you had no weapons with you, you picked up a rock and tossed it at the bush. When nothing came out, you dropped your guard a bit and sighed.

"Must be hearing things agai-"

If there is anything that can scare the shit out of you, it is getting attacked from behind. Especially surprise butt sex. Thankfully, you only felt your flank being grabbed.

"WHAT THE FLYING BUCK?!"

Still, being groped from behind both scared you and angered you. Turning around, all you saw was a small puff of smoke.

"Buck this, I'm out." You said, galloping away. Now, some ponies would think it 'll be wiser to just follow the path they took, but not you, you did what anypony would have done if they were trapped in a labyrinth with grass walls.

You went Juggernaut on those mother bucking walls and went right through them while screaming "Ain't no brakes for the rape train!" and finally crashing back to the beginning of the labyrinth. But everywhere you trotted, you could still hear crunches and soft laughter. It reminded you of that one horror-

"Damn it brain, shut up!"

Well buck you too!

"Well excuse me for worrying for my virginity!" You shout in... Wait your still a virgin?

"VIRGIN!? SCORE!!"

"The buck was that?" You say, cleaning out your ear. The noise came from all around, so you couldn't tell exactly where that loud voice came from. "It sounded like Short Fuse but with ten megaphones connected to his vocal chords."

Damn straight, that was loud as-

"Virrrrrrrgiiin..."

"The buck was that?"

You look around, and noticed how cloudy it became. It gave you an unsure feeling, so. like a stallion, you galloped full speed into the castle, closing and locking the the door.

"Sweet Celestia, that shit was scary as buck." You say, leaning on the door. "I am NOT going back out there!"

"Oh? You are back?"

You almost jumped out of your skin as you looked up and see Princess Celestia smiling at you. It was now or never, you have to tell her that you could not find her cat. The worst she could do is send you to the moo- You know what, never-mind.

"You look awful, my loyal subject. I there something on your mind?" The princess said, with a hint of suspicion. You gulped, trying to tell her.

"Yes, your highness. I am truly sorry, but...I could not find your cat." You look at the ground, sighing sadly.

"Congratulations...You passed the test, private."

You look up, dumbstruck. "Forgive me if I am being rude princess..but what are you talking about?" She looks down at you, then wraps you under her wing, very closely, making you blush.

"You see, most new guards would try to weasel their way out, but you, my little pony, told the truth. A guard must be honest, and you have passed one out of six tests."

"Six tests?" Before you could ask any more questions, the princess removed her wing from your back.

"My, my, would you look at the time? Off to bed my little pony." You look outside, and your jaw almost dropped when you saw that the moon had already risen.

"I was gone for ten hours? Since Eleven p.m.?"

"Yup, now, come. Lets go to your room."

"Such...Beauty!"

You were honestly expecting another bunk bed, with one bathroom and maybe an alarm clock.

But this is what you expected. What you really got, was a king size bed, a 50 in. flat screen T.V with three game stations: The Neighstation 3, the Trotbox 360, and the Wii horseshU. You even had a mothabucking mini fridge, a mini fridge!

"I love it!"

"I knew you would." Princess Celestia said, looking at you. "Enjoy your room, my pony, have a good night as well." You thanked her before she left as she closed the door. You wanted to play some games, but you were really tired, so you hopped into bed and turned of the lights.

Before you closed your eyes, you noticed a rather large bear, sitting in a corner. "What is it with the princess and bears?"

Your conscience does not know, just go to sleep.

With that, you drifted off to sleep comfortably, saving energy for the next day.

Author's Note

This chapter was a bit longer than I expected. I stayed up from 11:00 P.M. to 3:00 A.M typing this on my Ps3. I hope I made you guys laugh, and please, if you do favorite this story and like it, please like it.

Have nice day/night!

A Trot Down Canterlot

Hey, get up, you can get up now.

"But...I'm too busy, dreaming about dem flanks." You say, not even bothering to open your eyes. "And stop with that damn... thing you're doing."

Dreaming about flanks hmm?

"Yup."

If you don't get up, something bad is going to happen.

"Oh yea? Like what?" You say, going deeper into the blanket.

Alright, your conscience warned you...Your mothers flanks. Your fathers member. 69.

"My mothers flanks? What are you-OH FAUST!"

You shot up from your bed, fighting with the large, comfortable blanket wrapped around your body. You were rolling on the floor by the time you escaped the soft grasp of the blanket. You hit your head on the floor, and you stumbled around your room, bumping into things. When you got up, you rub your head and looked up with your eyes, angrily.

"What the buck brain? Why would you do that? I was having a nice dream about flanks and then...then..." You shudder, not in coldness, but in fear. "Now...I won't be able to sleep again."

Calm your ass down, be glad you weren't rubbin' it when you were dreaming. Now, stop complaining and get your ass in dat shower, you only have like, an hour before you go to work.

"An hour?" You look on your little dresser, and noticed the clock said 10:00 A.M., which will just give you enough time to take a shower, get dressed, and eat brunch.

You walk over to a locker that came with the room, and grabbed your gold plated armor. You placed it on your back, trotting towards the door. You were about to go outside, but that large teddy bear in the corner caught your attention once again. You trot up to it, looking at its brown, fake fur, and its suspiciously large, fake eyes.

"Why do you think Princess Celestia has these things in my room, and in the shower room?"

Your conscience does not know. Just get the buck out before you're late.

Shrugging, you trot out the door, closed it, and made your way towards the Stallion's Locker Room.

You trot inside the the locker/weight room, which leads to the shower room. When you open the door, you are greeted with stallions of all races, shifts, and sizes, having fun, lifting weights, or just talking. They didn't seem to notice you, so you just trot in and closed the door.

*CLICK*

"So...this is the new recruit, huh?"

"Yup, except he signed up for both day and night shifts."

"Really? Watch out guys, we got a badass over here."

You turn around quickly, only to be greeted with three other day guards standing in your way. You look behind them, seeing other guards stare at you with emotion-less faces. One stallion didn't even look at you, he was just lifting weights with his massive wings. But the stallions in front of you didn't have that emotion-less face you and other guards were trained to do, these guys had a mixture of cocky smiles and an annoyed looks in their eyes.

"You're one of the new recruits, right kid?" The middle stallion said, poking you in the chest. He was a day guard, and also a Pegasus with pretty average sized wings. "Ain't ya?"

You know, these guys are trying to intimidate you, right? Show these motherbuckers who's boss, or to at least defend your self esteem.

You stared back at him, glaring right into his eyes. "Yea, so what if I am? Do you have a problem?"

The stallion on the right, an Earth Pony, scoffed. "Who the buck do you think you are? You think you can just trot in here, acting all strong and shit, just because you take both shifts?"

You turn your head to the right, now staring into the eyes of the Earth Pony. "No, I don't think I'm the shit just because I took both shifts. I don't think I'm even the shit at all! A stallion has to make his bits, right?" You finished the sentence with a sly smile, making the Earth Pony glare at you.

"True," You turn your head to the left, noticing the Unicorn crack his neck. "But that don't mean you can show us up like that."

"I already told you, I'm not showing up anypony." The three take a step closer, making your muscles tense. "And I don't want any trouble."

"You don't?" Said the center stallion, also cracking his neck. "Too bad. Because we do."

*CLANK*

The loud noise made everypony, including you, turn to the weight lifting section of the room. Their, the large pony with massive wings stood on all fours, revealing large muscles through his fur coat.

'Holy crap, he's ripped.' You think in a non-sexual way.

"The boy said he don't want no trouble."

...Holy crap, that's a deep voice.

The three stallions didn't say a word, they just opened a path way for you, them and the other stallions who were in the way. The large Pegasus nodded at you, signalling you that it was safe for you to go in the shower room. You walk down the pathway, stopping at the shower door. You turn your head to the large pony and nodded. When he nodded back, you walked into the shower room and turned on the shower.

You made your way from the shower room back to the mess hall, where you were ready to chow down on some food after that random confrontation in the locker/weight room. When you trotted in line to get your food, you noticed today's breakfast was honey glazed donuts, some oats, and either water or juice to your choosing. You placed your food on your back and looked over for any open tables to sit in, since your own table was packed.

When you found one, you noticed it was a bit empty, with only three stallions sitting there. One of them happened to be that large Pegasus who stood up for you. When he noticed you, he waved his hoof over, gesturing towards an open seat.

"Guess he wants me to sit with him." You say to yourself, already placing your plate on the table. When you sat down, you were treated with two other stallions, one a Unicorn and fairly muscular, while the other was an Earth Pony, who was a little skinny, but still showed some muscle.

"What up little man." Said the deep voiced pony. "Name's Sunshine, this is Quickdraw, and that one skinny lookin' stallion over there is String Bean."

The one named "String Bean" sighed. "I've told you before, Sunny. It's just Strings." Strings then chuckled, making the others laugh.

"Yea? Well, we're still going to call you String Bean, String Bean." Said Quickdraw. Their names made you question things, but you said nothing and smiled.

"So," Said Sunshine. "You work both shifts, right?" You nod, making him nod as well. "How does that work out?"

You think a bit, trying to remember the schedule they gave you. "Well, Monday through Wednesday I work with Princess Celestia, Thursday through Saturday I work with Princess Luna, and Sunday I have the day off."

"You sure you can handle that, new colt? Won't that mess up your sleeping pattern?" Said Quickdraw, taking a chomp out of his donuts.

Wow... Look at him go.

"A little bit yea. But I'm sure I can handle it." You say, after taking a bite out of your glazed donut.

Wow... Look at you go.

Strings chuckled. "Well, good luck with that. Hey, Sunny, what time is it?" Sunshine looks at the clock above the entrance.

"10:58, why?"

During this, you were eating some alphabet soup, and when you remembered that you had to start work at 11:00 P.M, you choked on some letters. Thankfully, with one quick slap to the back, Sunshine helped you from choking on the letters. But when all of you looked on the table, Quickdraw started to laugh.

"Ha! He choked on the 'D'!"

You had to admit, that was pretty damn funny, but you didn't have time to laugh, so you waved goodbye to your new friends and rushed out the mess hall, and towards Princess Celestia's throne room.

When you entered the throne room, you see Princess Celestia sitting there, looking... bored.

"Here goes nothing." You say, trotting up to the princess. "Your highness? I am here to start my day."

She looks up at you, smiling. "Oh, I bet you are, you little meat stick you."

"Um... Sorry what?" Meat stick? Where did that come from?

"Oh, nothing." She replied, you sat there confused, for a good second.

Until she then pulls out a small, brown bag from behind her and tosses it at you, making you completely forget about what she said before. You catch it just in time by the tip, only to realize it was making some small clanking noises. You set it down, raising a brow, "Your highness, are these bits?"

"Yes, it is also your next assignment. You must go down Canterlot, by yourself, and... buy some... things."

Wait, wait, wait, wait... How much is in that bag? It must have been a lot, because it was heavy.

"Is that all, princess?" You ask, picking up the bag full of bits and placed it in your chest armor.

"Yes, you must buy what ever your heart desires. You have all day to decide, so take your time." She ends the sentence with a smile, and you couldn't help but to smile back, sheepishly.

"I will not fail you, your Highness." You wave goodbye to her and gallop out the door, not wasting any time.

In the distance, you could have sworn you heard somepony say, "Dat plot", but you ignored it and galloped out of the castle, on your way to the Canterlot Market Square.

Author's Note

Thank my friend SomeAsian2347 for editing this chapter and telling me about that "The d" joke xD

My first time editing, so it may look crappy! Plus with all of the errors I can't seem to find them all. ~Asian

Capes. Mares Love Capes.

Canterlot Market Square, or just C.M.S, because your conscience does not feel like saying all of that, is just how you expected it to look like.

When you first saw all of the stores, it reminded you of some old, teenager movie. You know, when they go in the mall and you see like, four maybe five ponies just standing around, laughing and having fun until a zombie comes out of nowhere and starts eating you and shit.

'What the buck is wrong with you, brain?' You ask, clearly annoyed.

A lot of things, kid. Now shut up and go stuff your face in the food court like the nobody you are.

Ignoring your conscience's last comment, you trot down the streets of C.M.S, looking around at stores to see what you can buy. There were different stores there, like Hoof Locker, Burning Topic, Game Trot, that one store your mother would take you in forcefully when you didn't want to be seen with her, and a whole bunch of other stores, bro. Yea, you felt like a kid in a candy shop, wanting to lick that lollipop and keep on going till you hit the spot, woah!

'...Funny thing about it, I use to sing that song at school and I never knew the meaning...'. You say in nostalgia.

You still don't, you haven't even seen a mares privates!

"BULL-"

Playcolt don't count, kid.

Losing the fight, you stayed silent and trotted over to a bench, sitting down and taking out the gold brown pouch the princess threw at you. Counting the bits, you reached up to 300, then stopped when somepony bopped your helmet. You look up to see a white stallion with a groomed mane, a kick-ass mustache, and one of those monocle things fancy ponies wear, along with a fancy suit. Feeling like a sir, and next to him, was a-DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNNN!!!! DAT FIGURE!

She too had a white coat and is also a unicorn like fancy pants over here, but she is really slender. Her mane and tail was a light shade of pink, and her eyes seem to look into you...almost as if she's undressing you with her eyes.

"Excuse me, my good sir."

You snap out of you stupor, making the pretty mare smile. You look up at the white stallion in front you and nodded. "How may I help you, Mr...?"

"Fancy Pants." He says, smiling. Wow, his name is Actually Fancy Pants...Called it! "My wife and I were just trotting through Canterlot Market Square, until we saw you here with an emblem I haven't seen on a day guard before. May I ask what does it mean?" He sticks out his hoof and you shake it.

"Emblem? What do you mean Fancy Pants?" You look down on your right side of your chest armor, noticing an emblem with both the sun and the moon mixed like one big circle. You wondered when that got on your armor, but mentally shrugged.

"Oh, this emblem. Well, I work for both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. I'm a day guard, and a night guard." You smiled in pride, mentally high hoofing yourself.

"Really now?" The beautiful mare said. "It must be hard working for the both of them, every day and night." Her voice chilled your back, but you kept your composure. "My name is Fleur de Lis, and may I say, your muscles are very tense."

Damn. She wants the D, bro!

You felt your legs wobble a bit, and your face grow hot. but you only nodded. Fancy Pants chuckled. "My boy, do not be afraid of her compliments, she just likes to have fun with the guards." He then pulls out a little pocket watch, and then he closes it.

"Well, we must be on our way. It was nice meeting you mister...?" You were about to tell him your name, but you were interrupted by a whistle. Fleur was already in a fancy carriage, waiting impatiently. Fancy looks back and smiles.

"I'll see you next time, my friend. It is time."

"Time? Time for what?" You asked, raising a brow. He turns back to you and gives you a sly smile.

"Kids these days. Let us just say...she is very skilled in the art of flexibility." You knew what he meant buy that, and just walked away, chuckling to yourself.

She probably gives good head you know.

Time goes by real fast when all you were doing was walk around and look at the thousands of stores this place had to offer. You look up at the sky, noticing how dark it had clearly gotten since you first met Fancy Pants and Fleur. The sun appeared to be setting, as the once blue sky was now more of a orange color. Deciding that it would be best to return to the main entrance of C.M.S, you started trotting, a bit disappointed that you found nothing there of your interest.

"It sucks that I couldn't find anything here," You say, trotting pass a small clock tower. You checked the time of the tower, letting you know it was 6:30 P.M as you sighed. "Nothing here seems like it could give me some enjoyment. I'm just not the type of pony who would...What...is...that."

You were standing in the middle of the market, minding your one business when all of a sudden you see, in a clothing store you honestly do not care about, is a long, white cloak, complete with a badass hood. That's not all though, this awesome looking cloak had a large, metallic shoulder blade, with two metal shin guards, a large belt engraved with a triangle in the center of said silver colored belt, and the thing you know mares can't resist, the thing that you would look like a total badass in.

"A cape!? YEAH!" You said in excitement. Without a second thought, you trot into the store, looking around for said cloak so you can buy it with all of the bits you have. As soon as you stepped in, you noticed how this store also had other cloaks and such, including video games, computer software and a whole bunch of technological stuff you knew nothing about.

You walked closer to the cloak, running your hoof down the comfortable fabric. There was a price tag on the sleeve, and you weren't surprised that a cloak like this would cost about as much as some new gaming equipment.

"300 bits. Damn, that's a lot of dough. In fact, that's all of the bits I have here in this brown bag." You looked around the store for no reason, then smiled. "MINE!" You grabbed the cloak, gave the nice mare the bits, and walked out of the store with your awesome cloak in a bag.

You walked outside the store, smiling brightly now that you have your new, awesome badass cloak. You looked up at the small clock tower again, noticing that it was already 7;30 P.M, and your shift ends in three and a half hours. You didn't care that you were broke, so you trotted out of Canterlot Market Square and headed towards the castle.

You were already in front of the castle, ready to step inside and show the princess what you bought with the money she gave you. "Man, this cloak is so badass!" You say, stopping for a second and looking at the cloak again. "Worth all my bits, but I don't care!"

*RUSTLE-RUSTLE. RUSTLE-RUSTLE*

"What was that?" You say in a serious tone. You turned your head to the left, and noticed a suspicious looking green bush making some noises. You know, the kind of noises you here when somepony or something is in the bush, and you go check and some weird, alien thing pops out and implants its eggs down your throat, oddly similar to how-

"Would you stop being so dirty?" You say in annoyance. "Like, I know we're the same pony but damn, can't you calm your shit for once!"

No, your conscious is you, just the more inappropriate yet decisive part of you. Now go check that bush!

"Fine, fine. Asshole."

You trot closer to the bush, with your awesome cloak in the bag on your back, making sure that if it was an alien, it at least won't hurt your stuff. You leaned in closer to the bush. "Who is there?"

Silence.

"Who is there?"

More silence.

"Please come out and present yourself to a royal guard.

Excessive silence.

"Guess nopony is there-" All of a sudden, something just, rushes out of the bush and tackles you to the ground. Now, normally a guard with expert training would be calm and collected in a situation, and use a counter attack when being tackled to the ground. This is not the case when it came to you. You started to scream your head off like a little filly, closing your eyes and wishing it to be all over. You felt your back touch the cold, hard cement as you could also here your bag fall beside you.

You open your eyes, only to be greeted with two, large light purple eyes in front of you. You weren't all up in this ponies face, but you to were able to see each others face clearly. Her mane was light pink, and she wore a dirty, brown cloak. Her coat color was a dirty white, yet she still smelled clean, strangely. You could feel this mares body on you, even though you were wearing gold plated armor. You could feel your blood rush up to your face, a bit aroused by this mares looks.

...Awkward, arousing silence.

"Oh, I'm sorry Mister." She said, slowly getting up off of you. She sounded a bit older than you, at least in her mid 20's, just like how you were in your early 20's. "I am very sorry, I just wanted to...talk."

You get up slowly, calming down from the awkward position you two were in. "It's okay mam. Next time though, please don't hide in a bush, it might freak some ponies out." You say, sarcastically.

She chuckles. "I can see that. Well, I wanted to talk to you because...I wanted to know if you have anything you can give to this poor, old mare? A few bits would do, if you could spare any."

You felt sorry for the mare, you didn't have any more bits on you, and you would have gladly give her the bits. "I'm sorry ma'am, but I don't have anymore bits." You saw had she then started to shiver, and you noticed how cold she looked. You look over to the bag, and-

'NO.'

Come on dude, don't be that one stallion. Look how cold she looks, just look at those big ol' eyes that strangely resemble Princess Celestia. Don't be selfish, bro.

'But...This was 300 bits...'

Your conscious knows, but you work for the Royal Guard! Both shifts, bro, both shifts! You can make more bits easily in two weeks! Do you really need this cloak?

'Yes.'

Do you really really need this cloak?

No...Fine! You win this time, me.'

Your damn right your conscious won that one, but the war isn't over. I may actually give you a fighting chance.

With a sigh, you trot over the bag, hesitantly taking out the rolled up cloth and the metallic parts that came with it. You looked down at it, and you shed a manly tear, knowing you won't be able to see this cloak again. You turn around with a smile on your face and threw the cloak on the mares back. "Here. I know how cold it can be out here sometimes, and even though this isn't bits, I hope this awesome cloak would keep you warm."

The mares eyes widen, and she started to sob. You were about to ask her what was wrong, but she leaped at you again and gave you hug. You blushed a bit, but you hugged back, knowing you did a good thing. She leaned back and looked at your eyes. "Thank you so much! How can I ever repay you?"

"You don't have too, I'm just glad you'll be a little bit warm."

"Are you sure you do not need anything? Anything at all?" The mares wet eyes then started to glisten in the moonlight, and she leaned in closer. You didn't know what she meant, but then she leaned in closer into your right ear.

"Anything."

All right look, your conscious knows this sounds bucked up...But she said anything, so, how about you take her back to the castle, and show her why a Royal Guard is skilled when it comes to using his spear?

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm saving myself for marriage."

...Wow. You need to get yourself some damn balls, bro.

"Really? That's too bad...I'll see you another time, Private."

"Wait, how did you know my rank?"

She smiled, then she fell back into the bushes. You were about to go check, but realized it wouldn't be the best idea to just go inside. As you walked back for the castle, you just realized something.

"I did not bring anything back with me...I am so fired."

"-And that is what happened, princess."

"So, this mare lunged at you, begged for bits, you didn't have anymore because you spend all of your bits on a cloak my sister would want to wear, gave the said cloak to the mare, offered to do anything to and for you, you turned her down and she chuckled and disappeared without a trace?"

"Yes your highness."

"Hmm...well then, I'm sure this mare was drunk or something."

"But, your highness. she didn't smell like she drank any-"

"You passed the test!"

"...Uhmm, what?" I don't know either, your conscience is still processing.

Well...this went better than you expected. You were confused why the princess was not upset, especially about how you gave your 300 bit cloak away to a homeless mare. You raised a brow, then you remembered about the six tests she was giving you.

"That's right, the test of Generosity. You passed it." She smiled down at you, and you nodded and smiled back. "Tomorrow will be your last day with me, and then the next three nights you will work with my sister. She will give you the schedule tomorrow night, but you will begin most likely begin around 10:00 P.M to 9:00 A.M. Go get some sleep my loyal subject, it's already 10:22 P.M."

You saluted your princess and said your good nights to her. You trotted out of the room, and headed towards your room, ready to jump inside your bed and get a good nights rest.

'I miss my cloak.' You whimpered inside of your head.

Princess Celestia watches her royal guard leave the room as he saluted her. She only knew the guard for only two days, and she already wants to right that disco stick like it was the 70's. She looked to her left, then her right. She smiled sultrily, then teleported out of the room, but not before turning of the lights.

She appears back into her royal chambers, sighing. "Oh my, today was such a long, hard day. Better hop in the shower before I get my flank into bed." She walks into the bathroom, but not before she levitates the remote and turns on a T.V. Then another...and then another.

In total, she had a whole bunch of T.V's turned on, one of them was set to a channel with a stallion slowly taking off his armor.

"Look at those wings. Sunshine, you have really improved that last time I saw them." Celestia said in a sultry tone. She flips the channel, stopping at a locker room with another pony, this time a unicorn, lift weights with his forelegs. "Quickdraw... Lets hope your name is different when it comes to stamina." Her eyes glistened, her mouth watered as she flipped more channels. "Strings 'String Bean'." You might be a bit slim, but I bet you have more muscle elsewhere." She feels her self breathe harder, and she can feel her coat getting wet as she flips to a the last channel of one of the T.V.'s

"Oh, the new one. He appears to have durability, his muscles are pretty big and...Oh my."

Celestia could not finish her sentence. She galloped to the bathroom and turned on the hot water, making sure the shower was loud enough.

"It's... Everywhere!"

Author's Note

Please, do not expect more frequent updates from me, I am still swamped in studies and homework, I only updated because I had enough time to...and because I miss you guys! :( Also, Celestia's moaning sounds a bit like that...xD-Gordobraveheart.

I have permission to write chapters now! But I have to get them approved by the author. Lol. Anyways that's a huge plus. -SomeAsian2347

Laughing At Your Pain: Part One

"So this mare jumped at you, and wanted to...you know?" Strings "String Bean" said, picking at his spaghetti and wheat balls. "I mean, ain't nothing bad about it, If I were you, I wouldn't want to take advantage like that."

"I know, Strings," You say, taking a sip out of some Faust-damn green tea. The warmth of it sends chills down your spine as you take a breath to continue your conversation. "I just didn't feel comfortable doing something like that. Like, I understood why she was grateful since I gave her a cloak that cost me 300 bits, basically all of my dough, but it wouldn't feel right."

Today, you woke up surprisingly on time, like around 10:00 A.M. You did a couple push-ups and sit-ups since you didn't want to lose your physic figure, because you know damn straight you wanna look sexy for the mares, even though the majority of them would rather go with a douchebag pony, rather than a nice guy like-

"Shit, was she at least a looker?"

...This motha- HEY! Quickdraw just interrupted your mind! Bro, paint his muffin cap blue!

"Well, she was pretty. She had, like, a light shade of pink as the the color of her mane, and her coat color was white. Her eyes though..." Oh, so that's how it's gonna be? Alright, fine, be like that. *Ahem* you started to remember the color of her eyes again, the way they stared deeply into yours, like, she was melting your soul or some romantic type of shit like that. "Her eyes...they strangely resembled Princess Celestia's eyes."

"Hmm...Don't worry about it." Sunshine said, taking a big gulp out of a carton of apple juice- Wait, where the buck did he get that- "At least you gave her some nice clothes to sleep in. I don't think she slept cold tonight, Private."

Imma have to shank a bitch if they interrupt your conscience one more time.

'You're not even a living being. Just...be quiet and commentate or something.'

Shut up, I'll shank you too! Now, where was your conscience...oh yea!

"Hopefully she found a place to stay," You say, taking another sip from your green tea. You looked up at the big clock that hangs under the door that leads to the workout room hallway. "I don't like seeing homeless ponies on the street."

"True." Quickdraw said, getting up from his seat. "By the way, Sunny, String Bean, it's time for us to get going. See ya later private." Before you could tell him your name, all three of your friends left, and you just sat there, on the table, looking like a loner.

'You and your insults-"

Yes, your conscience and your insults, now shut it and get going!

'Get going where, exactly?'

The next thing you knew, two, big really buff Pegasus ponies came up out of nowhere.

"The princess requires your assistance. NOW!" They both say, in a loud booming voice. What, these guys on steroids or something?

Mentally facehoofing, you nod and trot between the large guards.

"Ah! Great, you are here!" The princess said in joy. You just entered the room, and you were greeted quiet kindly by the princess. You smiled and saluted her as she levitated a small scroll in front of herself.

"Lets see, lets see... Missions 4, 5, 6, are going to be with Lulu, and the last mission with me is mission 3." She says, throwing the scroll behind her. "Now, are you ready, my little guard?"

"Yes mam. I am always ready." You say, fixing your posture a bit. She smiles at you-why are her eyelids covering half of her eyes?- as she steps down from her throne.

"You see, today, we have six special...guests arriving, and I would like you too.." You leaned in closer, so close you could here her breathing.

Wait, what the buck?

You realize that you were touching her chest, hence the reason why you could hear her breathing. You backed away, blushing a bit, bowing. "I am sorry I invaded your personal space, your highness." She lifts up your chin with her hoof.

"It's fine. Now where was I?" She lowers your chin as she turns around and-

Oh my Lawd.

'Oh my Lawd.'

"I need you to make sure that they are acquainted with all of the things they need, including food, clothes, even though ponies don't usually where any, water, and...other things they might need help with."

IT'S HUUUUUGE!!!

'My God. It's...it's like looking into a giant mass of white, fluffy clouds, with that cartoonish sun looking at you, watching your every move...'

"-Twilight Sparkle and her friends will be here very soon, with all of their....delicious, succulent-"

IT'S BUCKING HUUUUUUGE!!!

'What has been seen cannot be unseen.'

"-Them plots though, sometimes, when you take a real good look at them, you can feel it, calling for your name, ready to take the horn right up their-"

IT LOOKS LIKE THE PILLSPONY DOUGH COLT MATED WITH GOD, CREATING THIS!!!

'This...feels nice. It feels nice for some reason, comforting at the most.'

"-And that's why I am never, ever, going back to Cincinneighty. Any questions?"

Oh shit, she's turning around! Quick, do something stupid!

'Like what!?'

"Do you like the view back there?"

....You were too late. When you looked behind her...posterior, you were meeting her eye to eye. You expected her to throw, like, a bitch fit, or bitch hoof you or something but...she didn't. in stead, she's smiling.

Smiling...

"Um...I'm very sorry your princess, I didn't have time to turn around-I mean! It was staring at me and I couldn't look away-Damn it! What I'm trying to say is...I got nothing."

And now she's chuckling. CHUCKLING. What kind of princess chuckles after noticing her plot was all up-

"It's okay, Private. No need to worry, plenty have looked at my plot and couldn't resist to look away. I know exactly how you feel." She turned back around, you looked up to her as she puts a hoof on your chest.

"So, about these guests, princess. When do you think they should be-"

"We're heeeeeeeeerrrrrrreeeeee!!!"

You turned around, only to be encountered with six ponies standing in the doorway. Hmm...they don't look too bad, actually.

One pony is an Earth Pony, who has two shades of pink, hot and regular, with her mane and tail being the hot pink color, and her coat being the normal pink color. Her eyes were an ocean blue, and she had a smile on her face, one that made you wonder how such a mare can smile so widely with having her lips get tired from all the stretching.

...Giggity.

Another pony was a unicorn, who had a really white shaded coat, and her mane was a deep purplish color. That, or indigo, but honestly, your conscience does not give two flying bucks. Anyway, she had blue eyes as well, but hers were a more darker shade than that bouncing pink pony over there.

You turn your head to the left of the white pony, noticing an orange colored mare with a mane of gold- Faust, that sounded so cheesy- and had a stetson hat on. Her eyes were light green, olive green as it appears, and she had three white freckles on each side of her cheeks. She looks strong for an Earth Pony.

'A pretty cute farmpony.'

True. Anyways, above her, were two pegasi: One had a pink mane, about the same color as Pinkie over there, and her coat was a bright shade of yellow. Her eyes were a-yet again-a shade of light blue. Faust, what is it with these light blue eyes? The one next to this mare, was a cyan blue colored pegasus, with a tomboyish mane and tail style, which were rainbow colored by the way. She seems to be an athlete, since her body looks pretty slim, and her eyes, which were a rosy-red type of color- had a look of a fighter, who doesn't give up no matter what the odds.

'Wow brain, that was pretty deep.'

Looks like she can take it real deep, too.

'Aaand boom. You're back to your perverted self.

Always am, babe. So, this last pony is a lavender coated, really dark purple with a strip of pink mane, and had some light purple eyes. She's a unicorn, but she looks like one of those smart ones, the ones that'll solve a fraction problem with no difficulty whatsoever.

'Smart's huh? I like a mare with a smart brain-'

NEEEEERRRRRRRRD!!!

'...What?'

"Hello my little ponies!" You look back up to see Princess Celestia smiling at the mares over there. She points her hoof at them and you look at them once again. "These are the guests I wanted you to meet. She is Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, my personal faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, and that smiling one over there is-"

"HI! MY NAME IS PINKIE PIE!"

"Pinkie Pie" rushed up and knocked you down onto your back, knocking the wind out of ya. Also, her name involved the word "Pinkie"....Called it once again!

She then lifts you up and bear hugs you. "I haven't seen you here before, and I know every guard here! What's your name? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She's squeezing you!

'Buck..you, conscience..'

I'm laughing at your pain bro, it's funny as...Oh shit, you're blacking out-

End of part one.

Author's Note

Had a few references in here, good luck finding them!

Again, I would like to thank all of you who read this story, it really means a lot to me. :)

Laughing At Your Pain: Part Two(Updated Chapter)

This some bullshit! First, I have to wake his ass up every damn day, and now, this mothafucka goes on and gets knocked the fuck out! And by a mare! A PINK MARE! What kind of Royal Guard gets his ass choked out by a MARE! I'm done. I am done with his ass, I'm getting my ass the fuck outta his head. Getting knocked out and shit, WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT-

'You done with your little tantrum, brain?'

...Oh hi, how are you doing! You need a glass of water? Because like, I got like spring water and tap water-

'Brain.'

Though I also have Second Maid, True Moo Moo, Orange juice, Apple juice, I know you like that Grape Juice-

'Brain. Stop talking.'

Diet Cola, Mountain Pew, Root Cyder, all that good shit. I also have food, like penut butter and jelly-

'Brain!'

-And that's why P.W.A taught me to say, "FUCK THE POLICE!"

'Motha-CONSCIENCE!'

THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!

'I WANT YOU TO WAKE ME UP-hey, did you say, "I" instead of using that third-person shit?'

...So yea, waking you up isn't going to be that easy kid. For right now, you're staying as sleeping beauty until somepony wakes you up.

'For real? Damn, well, what do I do in the mean-'

Shh! Shut the fuck up. Do you hear that?

'Hear what? And why are you whispering like you're Batmane?'

Sounds like...Breathing? No, not breathing, more like, smooching.

'Is somepony performing that move when you breath into somepony's mouth? Because it sure does sound like-'

Uh-oh. You better get ready to wake up kid, something tells me sompony's not just saving your life.

'Wait, what do you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuggghhh....'

And now, I'm alone again. Where the fuck did I put that Playcolt magazine?

"I think he's waking up!"

"Is he all right?"

"Princess, I think you can get off of him now."

"Uh...What happened?"

Oh what's up kid . Lets begin this awkward moment then, shall we? You open your eyes slowly, but you can't see to good because your vision is blurry and your helmet is covering your eyes. You shake the helmet off of your forehead, and your vision is no longer dark because of the helmet, but your vision is still a bit unbalanced.

"Is he going to be okay, Princess?"

You heard voices coming from both of your sides, and since you were on your back, you could see who the voices were. Well, you couldn't see their faces, but you can see the color of their coats, especially that pink blob that's hopping up and down.

"Uh...What? Where-"

"Shh...You'll be fine, my little guard."

You felt calm. You don't know why, but what this mare said soothed you, and you felt comfortable. Her chest was touching yours, and you could feel your heart racing as each second passed by. Her breath smelled sweet, like she ate some cake earlier, and the scent of it enters your nostrils as you smell her. Not a deep sniff, but enough to smell her. You could also feel your face grow red, and you could feel another sensation in your-

"Wait...Princess?"

"Yes?"

You widen your eyes, and they were no longer blurry. What you saw, is what you did not expect, and both of your faces were inches apart. Her mane was covering your surroundings, and you could see both of her eyes look deeply into yours. You felt your face went from red, to pale, then to red again when you noticed that she was dangerously close to sitting on your...uh...Disco stick?

"Um....Hi?" You say, trying your best to not move, since she is very close to sitting down.

"Hello~" Princess Celestia says, with her eyes half closed again. She moves in closer to your face. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, you know. Got back up from getting knocked out." You smile nervously, she smiled.

NOW KISS!!!

"Um...Princess? Shouldn't the guard guide us to our rooms?" You heard a voice, most likely that Twilight Sparkle, say. "Princess?"

You could see that her expression changed when Twilight spoke. She went from happy, to sad, and then to happy again. She then booped you softly on the nose and gets off of you.

"Next time." She turns towards her throne and sits back down, smiling.

She looks down at you, then to your right, then to your left, then back to you. Still shocked and confused, you get back on all of your fours, not breaking eye contact with the princess. She smiles at you again and points down at your front hooves. "Well don't just stand there with your armor off, its quite breezy in here!"

You snap back into focus, looking around at the ponies who were on both of your sides. One of them, the cowpony named Applejack, walked up to you, patting your shoulder. "Um, sugarcube, you might wanna put your armor back on, your making Rare over here blush."

"Lies!" You turn to your right, and noticed the white one called Rarity, blushing. "I'm just a bit...tired! The heat outside is unbearable!"

"But it's like, 69 degrees in here." You turn to your left, and noticed the blue, rainbow maned pegasus pony, Rainbow Dash, smirking. This made Rarity blush harder.

"Quiet you!"

Ignoring what was going on, you looked down at your chest, noticing that all but your golden horse shoes were taken off. You looked down to your lower left, then casually picked up your chest armor and slid right into it. You looked, for your helmet, then noticed that it rolled up right in front of...

"Looking for this?" You looked up at the princess as she had the golden helmet in her magical grasp."Come and get it~"

"Actually, your highness, I think I'll be fine without it." You say, feeling a suspicious. "It's fine, really."

Celestia sighed,"It's always the shy ones."

She throws back the helmet at you, and she lands the helmet right on your head, nothin' but net, kid, swish! "The guest rooms are in the right tower of the castle, if you get lost, my faithful student, Twilight, will show you the way."

You nod and then saluted her, turning around and heading towards the door. You hear hoofsteps follow you, and you begin trotting down the castle with one thing on your mind.

"Did...Did I just get molested...by Princess Celestia? Nah, it's probably nothin'." You rolled your eyes, following the guests behind them.

"So, what do you girls think about this new guard? He seems a bit...uneasy, at the moment." They do know they're talking out loud, right?

"He seems nice. Shy, but nice." Guess not, they're completely oblivious.

"At least he talks more than the guards here. Hay, he even has facial expressions! I mean, did you see how red he got when he woke up, and noticed the Princess on him? Priceless!" Yup, they're talking about you too, insult to injury.

"Be nice sugarcube, at least we know he can walk after tanglin' with th' princess. Ah remember when you were flyin' one day, then woke up in the hospital bed after crashing into the princess's-"

"We don't talk about that. Ever."

"Well I think that he needs to smile often!"

'Oh my Faust, it's like being the Octomare, they won't stop talking! They're not even whispering!"

Man it sucks to be you right about now, huh? Yes, they're pretty, but every good thing has its flaws, like, oh, your conscience doesn't know, like maybe SIX MOUTHS TALKING AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME!? Seriously, it's like working as a kindergarten teacher, trying your best to quiet down those little-

'Okay, okay! I get it, they won't stop talking! I can't take their nonstop chatter, but I'm going to tell you what my dad would say when I wanted to get a new toy every time I passed by the toy store, and he would say no.'

And? What did he say?

'Fucking deal with it.'

Hmmm...Wise words, wise words. Anyway, while you and your conscience-

'Use, "I" this time'

Shut up, I'm talk-Damn it! Well, what I was going... DAMN IT I DID IT AGAIN-FUCK!

'Ha, it's funny hearing you rage. So, what was that about about after you and I were arguing?'

*Siiiggghhhh* While you and your conscience were arguing, one of the mares happened to trot next to you, and starting talking nonstop.

Really? Who?

Your conscience doesn't know either. Check for yourself.

You break out your little avatar state, hearing the noise that you couldn't hear before. You could hear multiple hoofsteps, the echo effect of so much chatter, and especially somepony talking as if she was right next to your ear. Wait...

You don't move your neck, but your eyes quickly shifted to the left, then back to the hallway again, not wanting to hit a pole or some crazy bullshit like that. So, who was it?

'The pink one, Pinkie Pie. I didn't catch much of what she was saying, because I kind of tuned her out.'

Hmm...Punch her in the throat, see if that'll work.

'The fuck is wrong with you?'

What, you thought-Kid, it was a damn reference to-You know what, never mind. Just...Talk to her back. We only have two more hallways to turn until we're at the guest rooms. Wait, weren't you in the front, not the back?

'Well, I was always in the back, why...Oh, you dirty bastard.

What? You know you want one of those, fine pieces of flank. That white one might be a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed, I say YEA, Yea, yea...

It's a song, kid, remember? Whatever, just keep your eyes on the flanks.

'You mean the up coming first turn, leading to their rooms, right?'

Yea whatever. By the way, if you were paying attention, you would notice that pink one on top of your head, looking at you eye to eye.

'What are you-Oh shit!'

Your eyes widened, staring into blue, ocean colored eyes that were wide as well. You could see a pink hair, letting you know that this was Pinkie Pie. She smelled of sweet treats, especially cotton candy for some strange reason. You didn't stop walking, and after a few seconds, you revert your surprise look to that special, awesome move every royal guard it taught to do.

You leave your eyes half open. Man, you're boring when you do this.

"So, how'd you like my story?" Pinkie Pie said in a happy, upbeat tone. You suddenly remember that she was talking, and since you were in a boring mood, you just blinked.

"...I think he likes it!" Pinkie said, looking up front to her friends. When she moved for a quick moment, you saw all the faces of the ponies up front looking at you, and when they saw your face, they all turned back around.

"So, do you have a name?" Pinkie said, looking into your eyes again. You nod. "Can you tell me what it is?" You shake your head from side to side, not feeling like you want to reveal your name to somepony you don't know. She then looked a bit sad, and she started to use the weapon you are vulnerable to.

'Fucking puppy dog eyes!'

"Please?" Oh no. The quivering lip, THE QUIVERING LIP! CAN'T...HANDLE...THIS!...MUST...REMEMBER...TO BUY...MILK!

"...Fine." You said, sighing in annoyance. Her sad attitude vanished, and her smile grew wider than before. You closed your eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Fuck, how long are these halls?

"My name is-"

"Girls! We made it!"

Almost instinctively, Pinkie Pie hopped off of your head and landed right between her friends. You were a bit annoyed that you were interrupted before you could say your name, but you didn't care a moment after. You hear the door creak open, and you could see that the six ponies were walking in already. Screw it, just for the buck of it you walked in, just to see six beds, T.V, and a whole bunch of girly stuff. Still, it was pretty big for a guest room. You took one final look, and then you walked out of the room, not saying a word.

"Um...Excuse me?"

You stopped just outside the door frame, sighing. You turn around, looking down at the yellow mare who appeared to be shivering in nervousness, hiding behind her long pink mane. You nod. "Yes?"

"Um...I just wanted to let you know...that...we thank you for guiding us to the guest room..."

You look up from the quiet mare, "Fluttershy" as you remembered it, and noticed that all the other ponies were smiling at you. You couldn't help but to just smile back. You look back down at Fluttershy. "Don't worry about it, if you need any more help, just let me know, Fluttershy."

"Eep!...*squee*"

"..."

...

Well, with that, you nodded and closed the door, walking away from the awkward silence. You started walking in daydream, not paying attention to anything around you.

"Well, I got nothing else to do, so....Sattlefield 3, conscience?"

...Meh, sure, why not. We should go check-

"NO. Lets...just go."

Well, okay then. You walked away from the halls you left making your way towards your room.

*CLICK*

"That went well. You were right Rainbow Dash, he talks more often, rather then the other guards."

"Told you Rare. The weird thing is, he didn't have an expression this time...Rarity, you should've wore socks."

_____________________

So, who would "you", the guard, like to meet first? please, don't go for Pinkie, I already got the meet up set with her later on :)

Author's Note

I published this chapter without him knowing. Ha! Also, would you prefer the term "fuck" over "buck?" Or leave it as is? ~Asian

Here it is. the FINISHED chapter of Laughing at Your Pain. Enjoy!-Gordo

Laughing At Your Pain:Part Three

"Honestly, this game is pretty damn fun. Especially when you're riding a jet, and you just crash down on them, seeing bits, and chunks and little lumps everywhere!"

You've been only playing Sattlefield 3 for about an hour, and all ready you're having fun. You go for both kills and the objective, since you're more of a defender with a mix of a offensive in your game play. Right now, the enemy has captured the D Flag, but you're not worried because you already have A, B, and C on lock down, with some help of a gamer you just met online.

"Hey, newbie in my Alpha team, make sure you cover the B flag, the enemy team usually loves rushing towards it and placing mines hidden in the bushes." Said your new friend, NightTimeHorror. You were quite surprise when you heard her voice for the first time, you were not expecting a mare with a username like that. You didn't have a headset of your own, so all you could do was send her a message saying, "Copy that."

"Enemy has neutralized B!" You hear the announcer say. You quickly rushed to the B Flag and sprayed down two enemy players that were both behind a bush on a boulder. You ran away from the area you once were, and hid inside of a building that was on the verge of collapsing. "We have obtain the objective. Good work colts, the faster we get it done, we can all go home."

"Nice two-piece noob." You heard hoofsteps, and you turn to your left to see that NightTimeHorror spawned right next to you. You could hear frustration in her voice. "Sniper got a clean headshot on me while I was defending A. Come with me, we got to neutralize A then take it." You move your character around, satisfied that there were two players guarding B. You got up from the ground and sprinted towards a nearby jeep, hopping into the driver seat and honking the horn, letting NightTimeHorror that you were ready.

"That's the spirit noob!" She says as she hops into the passenger seat. "Alright, we have B, and D, we'll be fine if we just capture the C Flag, and let them keep-"

*BOOM!*

"The fuck was that?" You say as you swerve pass a tree. You look up the screen, only to see a copter flying right above you and NightTimeHorror. It started to shoot at you again, but you weren't going to let that happen. You saw a nearby hill, high enough for you to duke him out and confuse him. You were only 100 feat away from the C Flag, and the copter wouldn't stop shooting.

"Noob? You're going to get us killed!" NightTimeHorror said, as she started shooting at nearby enemy player.

One song popped into your head as you started to leap into the air, using the hill as a ramp.

Shit just got real!

"They see me rollin', they hatin'! Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!"

They see me rollin', they hatin'! Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!

"Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!"

Tryin to catch me ridin' dirty!

"Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!"

Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!

"FUCK YEA!" You shouted as you landed safely away from the helicopter that tried to blow you up with multiple missiles. Still, you weren't able to shake this bastard off, so you did what any noob would have done. You pulled the brakes on the car, making you park the car sideways, like a fucking badass. You hopped out of the jeep and ran towards any enemy player who died already. He had the engineer class, and you were hoping to Faust that this player had a stinger, or any type of rocket that lets you lock on to aircraft.

"Dammit! It's and R.P.G!" You said in a disappointing growl. While it's true that the R.P.G blows shit up pretty nicely, it's terrible when it comes to long range, and it doesn't even lock on to aircraft! "Son of a tit, why now!"

"Hey noob! I don't want to be the bad guy here, but the damn chopper is on my-" You turned your player back to the jeep, and the chopper was trying to blow up the jeep. You could hear NightTime gasping. "Well...FU-"

*BOOM!*

"NightTime! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" You shouted, overreacting to NightTime's death. You were pissed, well, not really, but you acted pissed because NightTimeHorror got offline. Rage quit!

The helicopter turned to you, and you stared at it in false anger. You looked down at the bottom left screen, and you only had ten seconds left until the game was about to end. It's all tied up!

"You bastard! You took my friends life!" You shouted. You pointed the R.P.G at the chopper, and you had only five seconds left. It started to shoot at you, and you were just about to press the R1 button.

"FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR CHOPPER!"

You pulled the trigger, and before the screen lit up in white, you heard the sweet sound of explosions. You looked at the screen, and it said that your team had won, and theirs lost. You fell back on your bed, sighing. "Damn, that was an awesome game! Hopefully NightTimeHorror will be back online again." You pressed the center button of the remote on your controller and turned off the PlayStallion3, "Hm...Well, what should we do now, conscience?"

Honestly, your conscience has know idea what to do. You wanna just take a nap?

"...Meh, sure, why not?" You closed your eyes, getting ready to go to- The fuck is that vibrating noise? Hey, get your ass up and check!

"Fuck you conscience! Do it your-Fuck!" Yea, you bet your ass you're getting up! Now, where the hell is that noise coming from? You closed your eyes again, using your sound whore skills to help locate the vibrating noise. Heh...Vibrate.

"Shut up. Wait, I think I know where it's coming from!" You trot closer, and closer to the source of the noise, and you found yourself standing in front of the teddy bear! You could here a tune coming from the teddy bears...crotch. And it's a banana.

*RING-RING RING- RING!*

"I feel like this is a one way call to rape...Pick up?" Pick it up? PICK IT UP?! Bro, the fuck you mean, "pick it up?". You gotta rethink this situation. For all you know, this could be some kind of trick, like, some secret mission you have to do, and you get tricked by some double agent, and then you jump out of a 40 story tall building while you shoot at a helicopter! Do you even think?

"...Hello? Yes this is the new night and day guard.."

You're an idiot, you know that?"

So, after talking to some stranger on a weird banana phone, you decided to go to where that pony told you to go. And what was that place? Oh, your conscience doesn't know, how about THE FUCKING ROYAL CHAMBERS OF PRINCESS LUNA!?

"Conscience, chill bro. We are just going to visit her because she would like to discuss my new schedule. Why are you so worried?" You say, being as calm as possible. Well, unlike Princess Celestia, Princess Luna has the ability to enter dreams. Which, if your conscience's logic is true, she'll be able to hear your thoughts, including, YOUR CONSCIENCE!

She don't know what type of shit goes on up in here! She don't know about your dark, crazy, insane past! You'll go to jail! I'LL go to jail! Do you know what dirty minds do to sexy ass minds like me in jail!? MIndfuck bro, MINDFUCK!

"So I'm standing right in front of a really big, black and blue door." YOU BITCH! WHY THE FUCK-

"Shut up and just narrate like you usually do, conscience!" You said. Fine...

*AHEM* You stood in front of the door, waiting for princess Luna to answer. You waited, and waited and waited, but nopony would open the door for you, and you decided it would be wiser to just go back to your room.

'Brain.'

Alright, I get it! You stood at the front of the door, still waiting for somepony to open it for you. Finally, you decided that it would be best to come back later-why later? Why?-and hope for the best that she opens the door. You started to turn around, no for real, you started to turn around.

*CLICK*

"Muffins!"

FUCKING, FAUST DAMN IT!

"Strange, that doesn't sound like Princess Luna." Fucking, shit. You turned around, with that blank expression you usually do when being serious. Or, whatever the heck those guards do it for. You were expecting to see the Princess of the Night open the door, being all serious and shit. This is not what you expected.

She was a grey coated mare, with a blonde mane. She was eating a muffin, and it smelled of banana nut. That shits good, by the way. Her eyes though, they're both a gold color, dark gold at the most, and they seem to be moving around. Not in place, but like, everywhere. Wall eyed, maybe?

"Hi mister!" The mare said, finishing her muffin. Faust, that muffin smells good. "My name is Derpy Hooves!" Derpy Hooves waved at you, even though she was like, two feet away from you. With the most serious face, you waved at her back. Damn that shit looks funny.

"I'm looking for princess Luna," You say, staring at the mare. "Is she here? I got a call earlier today about somepony wanting to talk to me."

"Oh yea," Derpy said, smiling. "I called you!" You..where confused?

"Oh...Well, what do you need?"

Derpy actually looked serious. Her eyes moved together now, checking the left and right hallways. She nodded her head. "I need to tell you something." She was whispering, and she must have known you heard her, because she wanted you to come closer.

"Closer..."

You leaned in, raising both of your ears.

"Closer..."

You got closer, and you were just inches away from her face. Hash tag, go for it!

"I need to ask you a super secret question."

"Yes?"

"You promise not to tell?"

"Yes."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Okay..."

You were about to be told some of the most, super secret questions ever, you just knew it! What could she need? Help? Infiltrate a warehouse? Kill somepony? Steal some money!? WHAT IS IT!?

"...Do you know the Muffin Mare?"

...

"..."

"...Ha ha!"

Well, don't you feel like an idiot? Derpy fell on her back in the room, laughing her flank off. You just stood there, staring blankly at Derpy. Wait, there's a Muffin Mare?

"I think I have to go back to my room. I mean shift. I'll see you next time Derpy." You say, trotting away from the laughing mare. You feel down, well, not down but tricked. By a mare. Ha ha!

"I'm going back to the room. Hopefully, nopony else bothers me."

Yup. Hey, let's go check on those mares. You know, the ones you were suppose to look after?

"But why?"

Look, you're a lonely stallion, who is living in a castle with thousands of other stallions. I'm just trying to watch out for you. Don't want you changing on me. Besides, if you fail once, you have five other ones you can try with!

"I'm not going back. Not unless they need some help."

"Help! Help me! I need help!"

There you go, Ponyeo. Go save your damsel in distress.

"Man, I was gonna game!"

You galloped down the hall way, heading towards the noise you heard. Get some bro! Get some!

"Well...This is awkward." Very, very awkward.

Turns out, the damsel in distress was none other than Princess Celestia. Now, your conscience understands why you want to stay distant from her, but this...this is just silly. And sexy.

Apparently, you busted into the room of your princess, where she was in the middle of...Yoga practice.

Oh man, this is gonna be good.

Author's Note

Sorry this took awhile to update, I was busy with another story, a contest, and laziness! :p

Hope you liked this chapter!-Gordo.

Updates the damn chapter without letting me look through it. This nigga... *facepalm* -Asian

Laughing At Your Pain: Part Four.

Yoga.

Ah yes, yoga. You see, there is something beautiful about yoga. It calms the body, relieves stress, and all and all, is fun to do! Mares usually do yoga, because most of them do it because they want their body to be slim, sexy, and seductive. Your conscience calls it "The Big Three." Yet, there is also something the stallions and colts, such as yourself, enjoy about yoga. For instance, if you had a wife or a girlfriend that does yoga, she could come home happy, calm and... flexible. But, for us stallions, we only care for one thing.

'DAT ASS!'

Yup. Tis a beauty, ain't it? Now, back to what's currently going on.

You barged into her royal chambers, in the middle of a yoga session she was preforming. Princess Celestia was not in position, as of yet. She wore tight, black and pink yoga pants, and her mane was tied up into a pony tail, along with her normal tail. She was near her T.V. and she levitated the remote button in front of her. On the T.V. were other mares, also wearing yoga pants. Her ear twitched a bit, and she turned her head towards you, and you only stared at her in confusion. She smiled.

"Oh hello!" She said.

"How's being a Royal Guard going?" She smiled at you, and you just stared only directly into her eyes.

Well, you tried as hard as you could, but your pupils kept sliding off, wanting to look down, even though she was facing forward towards you. Still, them leggings! HUBBA HUBBA!

'Shut up!'

"Oh, you know," You say, smiling nervously. You stood up straight, staring directly into her eyes. You started to use that technique you were shown in boot camp, the one that you show no emotion.

At.

All.

It's working, for now, but you don't know how long you can keep it up.

"Just got back from sending the guests into their rooms. Nothing special, princess." Her yoga pants though...

'I said shut it dammit!'

"That's wonderful news!" Princess Celestia said, nodding her head in satisfaction.

"You see, I invited them over because in three days, we're going to have a small party." Princess Celestia looked at you, eyes half closed.

"You are welcome to join."

You could feel sweat trickle down the side of your face, but you kept your poker face.

"That's fine princess, I'll think about it. The real reason why I busted into your chambers, is because I heard somepony screaming for help. Do you by any chance know who?"

'Why does it feel like a trap?' Because it is one stupid.

"Yes, I did!" Princess Celestia said, smiling. Damn. Shit just got real, bro.

'Just as I feared.' You thought, keeping calm on the outside but losing it on the inside. Calm yo shit, bro. Anyways, you nodded, asking the Princess, "Well... What do you need, princess?"

"Wonderful!" She said, stretching out her wings.

"You see, I am new to this, 'yoga', and I need help! I've already tried these instructions the mares in the television have tried to tell me to do, but I am afraid, due to my large bottom, it is too difficult to handle it all on my own. Which is where you come in!"

"Um...Just out of curiosity, princess, wouldn't it make more sense to hire a personal yoga instructor instead of somepony who is not a professional at this, mainly me, help you out? A mare, more importantly?" You say, trying your best to weasel your way out of this awkward-but-gifted situation. It seems to be working, because she is actually thinking about it!

You might get outta here alive! As a virgin...

'I said shut your bitch-ass mouth!'

"Hmm...Well, that does make a bit more sense, having some one with more experience in yoga help me out rather than a male who doesn't know what he is doing..." She then looked down at you...and she grinned.

"But where is the fun in that?"

You felt your heart sink. Yet, you felt something in you say, "YES! YES! ABOUT DAMN FUCKING TIME! YES!" Your conscience said it by the way, but anyway, you were honestly surprised. You still haven't broken your poker face! You might actually pull this off! So... what do you say?

"Well... Fine. I'll help you, Princess." You said in defeat. She smiled at you.

"Perfect! Just let me get my yoga mat." She said. You nodded, and you watched her as she turned... around...

Sweet mother of Celestia...

'Sweet mother of Celestia...'

It all happened in slow motion. You felt your face break away from that boring look, and felt you eyes grow wide, your jaw drop, and you could feel your heart pumping. I-It's too tough to describe what's going on, but your conscience will try to explain in perfect detail.

'Please do...' Though you wanted to, you still thought this was so wrong in every way.

Okay. Well, her royal plot is shaped like two melons but together, ripe, plump and ready to eat. Her yoga pants, which appear skin tight, fit perfectly on her. It was smooth shaped, half of her pants were black, the left side, and the right side was a hot pink. A sexy mixture of a color, mind you. Oh, but that's not all, in big, white letters imprinted on her yoga pants, her ass, read "Big Sexy." Your conscience needs to sit down, this is too much ass...

'You don't have legs damn it!' Sorry, I keep forgetting!

'But that's not the best part. She looks like she's... shaking her ass. Oh lord... I think I need to sit down too...' Damn! I keep forgetting about the no leg thing!

"Here it is!" You hear Princess Celestia said, turning around. You had little time to react, but you were able to quickly turn your face back to that boring look, and the blood that rushed into your face went back down. She flaps the large pink mat on the ground, right in front of your hooves. She looks back up, smiles, and her horn starts to light up. You hear the doors close. Get it in, bro! GET IT IN!

'I hate you.'

"I've already stretched, but I need some supervision," She leans forward, stretching. Oh Lawd. She then levitated you to the foot of her bed, and you just sat there, while she began to get back up.

"Watch me please. In case I pull a muscle, I would like you to massage the area that is injured." You nod, keeping the straight face. She's about to stretch, but she looked around.

"Now, where is that boombox?"

"Boombox?" You say, confused.

"Yes, music relaxes me as well." She looked above the T.V. then chuckles. "Oh! There it is!" She levitates the remote in front of it, and then she presses a button. You could hear a record skip. The beat starts playing and you immediately recognize the song. Oh, FUCK YES!

Princess Celestia Looks at you, smiling. "Lets get this started, shall we?"

Oh Lawd. Oh lawd, oh lawd, oh lawd. This is the SHIT! It's like a personal strip dance. You enjoying this, boy?

'N-No...'

Really? Well, do you want your conscience to describes how she is stretching?

'YES! I mean, NO!'

Too late!

She started of with raising her succulent bottom up into the air, right in front of your face. It's a bit far away, but it's almost like she is inviting you to slap that flank. She added a little shake, and her tail whipped around, almost like a snake. You tried you best to look away, but you couldn't. Those delicious pink and black colored yoga pants are screaming for your attention. And so you gave them it, no matter how much you didn't want to.

'NO! Must... look.... away!' Resistance is futile! Haha, bitch!

Resistance, huh? She started to switch positions, and she lay on her left side, she raised her right leg into the air, then bending it into a perfect 90 degree angle. This made your jaw drop slightly, and your mouth was drooling a little bit too. Though she is a tall mistress, she can stretch her long legs with such, rubber-like, flexibility, that you could bend her up into any position you would like.

Any.

Position.

You.

Like!

'That... Does sound enjoyable.' Yes, yes! It's working! Okay, let's see...

Ah! You can hear how heavily the princess is breathing, almost as if her heart were to jump out as we speak. The sweat dripping down her fur gives it a nice shiny color, which reflects the sun's rays quite beautifully off of her body. You can hear her moan loudly as she got up on all four hooves and resumed her previous stance. Face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fu-

'I-I think I am enjoying this... Why?'

Because you're a stallion. And stallion's enjoy lap dances. Go on, little buddy, she wants you to touch that ass! Do it!

'She does look sexy in those tight yoga pants... But, she's the princess! I can't do this!'

For all we know, she could be really sick, and she could just needs some good ol' Vitamin D, from the love doctor, A.K.A. you! Come on bro, you know you want to hit that! Just look at that ass! SO. FUCKING. ROUND!

"Oh! This stretching is really nice..." You hear Princess Celestia say. She gets up from the ground and looks you.

"It is really bringing out the slim figure in me, don't you agree, guard?"

You said nothing. All you did was put up that poker face you used when you tried to be serious a moment ago, and it doesn't seem like it's working. In the inside, you are screaming your head off. So, you nod, hoping that this yoga session would soon be over.

Damn.

The song stops, and Celestia is breathing heavily. She levitates the mat onto her bed, then looks at you. "Well, thank you for making sure I did not pull a muscle." She smiles at you, and you nod.

"Well, if you need me, I will be in the shower."

Yes!

The Princess leaves the room and enters her bathroom, closing the door quietly. You took a really big deep breath, and you looked at the door she just left through, You look at the entrance door and... Oh no, you are not leaving this room without some damn pussy!

'Look, conscience, I'm a guard. She's a princess. She's immortal. I am not. She is taller than me, and for all I know, she could be the type of princess that would be into some real, freaky shit, and I don't want to be part of that. So, fuck you, and fuck you again.'

Look, you don't have to love the princess, it would be a one night stand! Plus, she just told you that she would be in the shower! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!

"Oh!" You turn around, looking at the door Princess Celestia was talking through.

"I can't reach a certain spot on my back! Guard! Could you~?"

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN! DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN! SHE WANTS THE D, BRO! SHE. FUCKING. WANTS. THE D!!!!

'... Fuck it, I'm leaving.'

"Sorry Princess! Some... uh... important business just reached my mind! I have to leave!" No, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! YOU ARE THIS CLOSE TO GETTING IT IN! THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN'!?

"Oh... It's all right, guard. Just remember to check up on our guests!"

"Will do! Aaaaaaand-"

*CLICK*

"I'm gone! Phew, that was a close one, right, conscience?"

Eat a dick.

"Well, up yours, too." You were quick to come back, and now your conscience feels hurt.

"I don't think I'm goin' to recover from that! What has been seen... cannot be unseen." It's like you want to stay a virgin bro.

As soon as the Princess Celestia heard the door close and lock, she immediately turned of the water and ran out of the bathroom, without even bothering to wear a towel. She closed the shades and went near T.V, where a red button was hiding behind the T.V. She pressed the button, and by the blink of an eye, the T.V. was replaced with a wall covered in smaller T.V. screens, each viewing a room in the castle. Celestia disparately looked around the room for the remote.

"Where is it, where is it!" She said, growing impatient.

She looked on her bed and found the remote, and quickly, and turned on all of the T.V.'s. She flipped each channel until she was viewing her own room, which during this time, the guard was there. She noticed how polite and modest he was trying to be, but that all changed when she turned around and presented him the royal plot. She smiled when she saw how low his jaw dropped, and loved how he tried so hard to stop the blood from rushing into his face, with that serious look and all. She was a bit sad that he left, but that is all part of her plan.

"Step one, get him to notice me, check!" Celestia said, happily. "He'll be mine soon... very soon." She smiled in a very slutty way, remembering the last time she spied on the young guard. He appeared avarage, but when she looked lower...

"Just the thought of it get's me wet!"

Deciding it was enough for now, she switched the channels until she stopped at her faithful students and friend's room. She especially paid attention on how each of their plots were so ripe and tender today. All the thoughts of this got her wet, and not the water wet... Yeah, that kind of wet.

Since she could not get rid of the mood, she decided to pull out Tyrone. She walked over to a dresser, pulled out a solid metal briefcase, and opened it, using her horn. She pulled out Tyrone, and locked the doors with more locks. And just to be safe, she enchanted the door to lock until she said the safe word. Banana.

She positioned herself on the bed and turned Tyrone on, who also speaked to you as it pleasured you. Princess Celestia was ready, the question...Is Tyrone ready? She turned him on, and he automatically begins to vibrate and speak.

"Are you ready, my long and purple friend?" Princess Celestia said, licking her lips. Tyrone's voice is pretty deep when he speaks.

"YOU GONNA LEARN TODAY!"

"Oh, I BET I WILL!"

Author's Note

So many spelling errors... it makes my head hurt. My favorite part was Tyrone. ~Asian

A few references here and there. Lets see if you can find them! -Gordo.

Laughing At Your Pain: Finale. Part One.

"Look, all I'm saying is that she's an immortal princess, and I am a Royal Guard that cannot possibly live for an eternity. Shit, I don't even know If I can pass 60 years!"

And all I-your conscience, is saying, is it was only a one night stand! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUTTA YO BRAIN!? A ONE. NIGHT. STAND! It's not like you were going to get married or some shit like that. If you can't lose your V card, than at least have the balls to get some head form that big jawed, tall legged, fine white whine yoga ass herself! I mean, GOSH!

"I apreciate that you're trying to get me laid, or at least get my rooster choked-"

Oh Celestia, that was a terrible joke.

"-But you gotta understand, I WANT TO HAVE SEX WHEN I AM MARRIED! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!? IS IT!?"

Uh, bro-

"I'LL LOOSEN MY JUNK WHEN I WAN'T TO!"

That's fine and dandy, but-

"NO, I AM TALKING, YOU LISTEN TO ME!"

FINE, IT AIN'T MY FAULT THEM FINE SIX COLORFUL PONIES ARE STARING AT YA! THUG LIFE, RIGHT!?!?!

"...What..."

And now, the cookie crumbles. This is why you should not be arguing with your conscience out loud. You snap out of your constant rambling, only to be coldly brought back right into reality, as you see the horrified faces of all the six ponies. Well, that rainbow-maned looking one is laughing her blue ass off, along with the pink one. The shy one fainted, most likely from the profanity you were spittin'. That cute cowpony's face is red, so she's trying to hide behind her hat. The purple one is pretty damn shocked, offended even. She looks a little pissed off, but her face is red, so she's embarrassed too. The marshmallow looking one's face is red....But she's smiling? Okay, she might possibly be a freak. You're just standing here, looking like a dumb ass, red faced, wide eyed and your right eye is twitching a bit. Possibly from anger, laughter, or some other reason.

So...yeah, go ahead and talk to them. Maybe you'll calm em' down. Probably. Possibly. Maybe. No. Hell no, you're fucked.

Still, you act chill, as if what you just said was nothing more than a simple conversation. You straighten your face, stopped twitching your right eye, and cooled down a bit. You raised your hoof up to your helmet, looked at all the mares, and coughed.

"Hm. Ladies."

Fuck yea, sounding cool like a boss. They stared at you in silence, eyes not even blinking. The rainbow and pink ones are still trying hard not to laugh, but the others are all red faced. It felt awkward that they kept staring at you, mostly in anger, a bit of disgust and whatever mares think of after a stallion says such dirty language. You started to feel uncomfortable, and could not keep the straight face for long, so you saluted them, nodded your head, and started to walk pass them.

'Just a little further more...and...'

You got this, don't worry, you got this! You're just a few feet behind them, just reach the corner of the hall way, and you can haul ass back to your crib!

'Just...a little...more...'

"Um...excuse me..."

FUCKING SHIT!

'FUCKING SHIT!'

You stop dead in your tracts, sighing and cursing silently. Turning around, you were surprised that the shy, yellow one was the first one to speak. Though you still had your sound whore ability, you couldn't hear what else this yellow pony said, or if she said anything at all.

"Y-yes?" You said, looking down at the mare. The more you looked at her, the more she started to hide behind her mane, and squeaked. It felt awkward, mostly because she didn't speak and you were just staring at her. Looking behind her, you noticed how all the mares, yet again, are looking at you. It;s embarrassing you a bit, huh?

"Do...you..."

You were looking back down at her, startled that she spoke. You didn't hear the last part of her sentence, so you asked her again.

"Excuse me Ms...what was it, Fluttershy? Yea, that's it. I'm sorry, but I couldn't hear you. Can you repeat what you said? Please?"

She squeaked again, probably paralyzed in shyness.. You sighed inwardly, making sure none of the mares heard you.

"What was that?"

"...Um...Do you..."

"Do I...?"

"K-know-"

"Keep going, You got this, come on."

"Where...where...where..."

"Oh for the love of- DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE PRINCESS IS?!"

The shy one jumped in fear, and you just looked up. The rainbow one, Rainbow Dash, was the one to shout, since she did look like the impatient type. You look back down at the shy pony, sighing. Fluttershy finally leaves from her fortress of solitude, her mane, and looks up at you. You look down at her, and noticed her red her face was getting. You know, it would be a reeeeaaaal dick move if you scared her.

"...Sup." You say, and she screams and runs back to her pack. Inside you were laughing, but outside you kept your poker face. You look at the pack again, and decided to tell them where the princess is. "The princess is in her royal chambers."

They all nodded, went into a little huddle, Pinkie Pie stuck her head out of the huddle just to wave at you, you waved back, and she went back into chatting with the other five. Finally, they broke from their huddle.

"Thanks for letting us know where she is. We'll go talk to her now." Twilight Sparkle said- Wait, they're going to see the princess? The fuck?

'Should...should I stop them.'

Sure, why not?

As they started to trot away, you cleared your throat. "Excuse me ladies, but the princess is a little busy at the moment. Is it cool with all if you if you could come back later?"

Twilight turned around to face you, and she had that 'Did something happen' face going on. "Is everything okay with the princess? Is she sick or something?"

Now is the moment of truth. The challenge of Honesty. The chance of realness! Go, smite them with your truth!

'Yeaaaaah... not gonna happen.'

"Uhh. Well, ya see, what had happen was...She sick. Like, damn, she is so sick! I mean, if you were to go in there, it would look like Ponylodeon hosted a foals choice awards in there. All green and stuff. Like, seriously, bad idea to go in there. You'll regret it. Trust me."

They gave you some questioning looks, and the cute cowpony one seemed to be glaring at you. She all up on yo grill, bro. Leave while ya can.

"Kay, so, I'm...going to go do Royal Guard stuff. So...Bye-!" You quickly turned around, trying to haul ass before they could ask some more- whoa, what's that!?

"What's wha- Oh shit, a rope!" Instantly, you were tangled. Now, your training in boot camp taught you how to escape from rope by just using your mouth, but, because you were surprised and screaming like a little filly, you were unable to do so.

'Well fuck you too, conscience.'

Love ya too, babe.

"Now hold on!" You were dragged onto the floor, than right into a circle of six colorful mares looking down at you. Applejack, yea that's right, your conscience remembers, looks like she means some serious business. "Ah can tell when somepony is lyin', and you, are lyin'!"

"Applejack. Chill." Said...What was it, Rainbow Dash?

"He knows somethin' that we don't. Go on, spill it, handsome!"

"One, thank you for the compliment, and two, that is the truth! She's sick I tells ya, sick!"

As you look into Applejack’s eyes, you can see that she really is trying her best to judge you. She’s trying to see if you are telling the truth, which you are not, and she looks like she is on the verge of figuring it out. Now, you have two options: Use that Royal Guard face you were taught in boot camp, or, come clean and tell these mares that the real reason you’re not telling the truth is because the princess tried to get you to get it in with her, which your conscience still doesn’t understand why you passed on such a perfect opportunity, and take the laughter and shame like a stallion.

Of course, you would rather much go with the former, right?

‘You’re damn straight I am.’

That’s what’s up. As Applejack and these other ponies stare deeply into your soul, you start to do that boring, unreadable poker face, eyes half closed and mouth looking like a straight line. You can tell it’s started to work, because Applejack is furrowing her brows and is squinting more than she already was. But even the royal boring poker face is not enough to hide behind from all these beautiful mares looking deeply at you.

‘Brain. Stop.’

Fine, fine. Still, you kept calm and stare on into all of their eyes. Occasionally, you would blink, breathe, and sniffle a bit, making the whole scene you are taking part of as just a regular conversation, even though you are tied up, on your back, and having six mares stare at you. Except that shy one, she would stare sometimes, but when you moved your bored pupils to her, she would look up or hide behind her long pink mane.

Then, you spoke. “So...How was your day?”

“Oh, I am so glad you asked! First, we were invited here into the castle by Princess Celestia, and then we met you, and then I hugged you and you somehow passed out! I mean, I know Earth pony’s are strong, but I didn’t know I was that strong! And then, when you woke up, the princess was on top of you trying to wake you or something, and you took us to our guest room where Rarity was getting all, “romancy” about you-”

“Pinkie!” You looked at the marshmallow colored pony, and you could see a strip of red on her nose and cheeks. Like those anime characters, you know? “Why would you say that out loud!?”

“What? Don’t you like him? Anyway, we were just about to go ask the princess about a question I completely forgot about, and then we found you, and then you tried to run away, and then we hogtied you, and we are currently holding you for questioning!”

Wow...She just summed up the day in less than 30 seconds. Nice, nice...

“Hey! Don’t change the subject here, bud!” You turn your pupils to the right, and met the magnetta eyes of a certain rainbow filly. “Applejack here can tell when somepony is lying, and even I can tell you’re lying!”

“How many times do I have to tell you six, I am not lying!”

“LIES!”

*SMACK*

You could feel your cheek hurting in such a pain, you were about to scream like a little filly again. But you still remained calm, and only stared back at the rainbow maned filly that smacked you.

“You know, you didn’t have to smack him Rainbow Dash.” Twilight Sparkle said, looking at you. “Why did you smack him, by the way?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged, “Meh, dramatic effect. Thought this would be more fun If I did smack him.” She said, looking down at you, sticking her tongue out.

“Now tell us the truth. What’s wrong with the princess!”

Well, the gig is up bro. Spill it.

“Fine..She’s-”

“Perfectly fine!” All the ponies look behind them. and you look in their direction, only to see the Princess Looking normal. Suspiciously normal.

“Princess!” announced all six ponies. The ran towards her and greeted her. Completely oblivious about you who was still tied up.

“Oh no, it’s cool, you all don’t have to untie me, I’ll just lay down here looking like I’m trying to be an upside-down turtle." You could have swore Celestia looked at you, with that lust in her eye. It was a very uncomfortable and awkward position for you to be in.

Ha! Sucks to be you!

'We're in this together, dumbass!'

Oh right, well... fuck us!

Author's Note

I know, I'm an ass for not updating for so freaking looooooooooong! And to make it worse, there is another part and I left it off on a cliffhanger! GOD, I'M AN ASS!

Good news, part two of the finale of the Laughing At My Pain saga is going to be finished tomorrow, and then we're back to the other tests! Fuck yea!

Side news: New story, one shot, check it out.

Have nice day!

Laughing At Your Pain:Finale. Part Two.

Time skip, time skip, everypony hates a time skip~

"What...What the hell are you singing?" You say as you take your lunch and look around for your three friends, Strings, Quickdraw, and Sunshine. Your lunch wasn't anything special, just some wheatballs, milk, orange juice and a bagel. Fucking, bagels. Where are the damn donuts?

Oh yea, what your conscience was singing. It isn't important right now. What is important, is that you were let off of duty early, and that you start your nighttime shift tomorrow. Your conscience is actually surprised, Princess Celestia let you go without a second thought, and now you have the whole afternoon for yourself. So, what do?

"First, let me go sit with my homeboys real quick." You say as you find your three friends and sit right next to Quickdraw, who was busy munching down some wheatballs. Ha. Sunshine, or Sunny, whichever is fine, is sitting right next to Strings who were across the lunch table from you. You greet them normally.

Sup bitches.

"What up."

'Really?'

What? That's normal.

Anyways, you bump hoofs with with all three of them, and you began to eat your food. However, you could sense that somepony out there was watching, waiting, and hungry for your attention. You look around, but all you could see were other Royal Guards eating, and Sunny, Strings and Quickdraw staring at you.

"You alright lil' man?" Sunny's deep voice bellowed, earning him your attention. "You look like you've been through some tough shit, is everything all right?"

"Yea, no need to worry. I've just had a crazy day so far, but thank Celestia that she personally gave me the day off. As soon as lunch is finished, I'ma go hit up my Playstallion3 and just relax." You take a sip out of your O.J, sighing deeply after drinking it. "Some damn good O.J."

"Speaking of game systems," Sunny said as he cracked his neck. "Did ya'll here about that new Playstallion4? I think it's going to top that TrotboxOne."

Quickdraw looked at Sunny in confusion. "Sunny, you pay attention to that shit? I thought you weren't into video games, considering how old you look and sound." Quickdraw looked over at you and smiled. "Playstallion all day, boi!"

Sunny chuckled deeply, "I'm only 22, bro. Puberty blowed me way like a fart in a windstorm."

Strings, "String Bean" choked on his milk, laughing. "That shit was funny, man!" You shared a laugh with the three, happy that you could have such fun friends like these fools. "But gotta say, Trotbox360 and TrotboxOne all day."

"Awe shit, here we go." You say as Quickdraw slowly turns his head towards his skinny friend. "I've tried both consoles, I think it's the same shi-"

"Fuck Gaystallion."

"Fuck Gaybox."

"Fancolts, fancolts everywhere, private." Sunny said to you as you shake your head. "I really can't say much because I ain't try the Trotbox. But enough of this senseless topic, how was your day, private?"

"Crazy shit." You said, shaking your head away from the memory of Princess Celestia's ass all up on your face. Yet, it seems like you couldn't hide it, because your face was a little red, and the boys seemed to noticed.

"Looks like something interesting happened today. Go on, who was she?" Strings said, drinking the rest of his milk.

"I bet she had an ass. Mmmmmmm I love juicy ass." Quickdraw said, laughing. You agreed with him in your head.

"Who doesn't love ass? Damn, the things I would do to a plump, round juicy one." Sunny said, laughing. It's a damn good thing he didn't get a wingboner, no bro over here wan'ts to see that. You should tell them, it would really make a good conversation going.

'I'm only doing this because I want to.'

That's my boy!

"Yea, something did happened. earlier today, I went to a mares room in this castle, and I caught her doing yoga. I was trying to leave, but she insisted that I stayed. I did, and she gave me a show, but unfortunately, I left before I could get it in." You started to feel down on that. Serves you right, dick sniffer.

"Yoga? And she gave you a show? My dude, hell yea!" Strings said, bumping your hoof. "Too bad you didn't get it in with her."

"Why didn't you? She had an ass though, right?" Quickdraw said. You nodded, and actually looked annoyed. "If she had an ass, then why didn't you do her?"

"Chill, homie. So, who was this chick?" Sunny said as he rubbed his chin. "I bet it was one of them maids. We all know them maid mares are some freaks, and Celestia knows I love a freaky bitch."

You grin nervously. "Funny you mentioned that...You see, the mare that was performing yoga in front of me, with tight yoga pants...was Princess Celestia."

All three of them looked at you, and you waited for the laughs you were about to receive. You didn't get the lolz though.

"....She got ass for days." Sunny said in awe. "An eternity, even."

"You lucky ass, new guy, bitch ass bastard." Quickdraw said, patting your back. "This guy got a lap dance from the princess, freaking unbelievable!"

"Calm your tits, Quickdraw, you planning on letting every guard here know?!" Strings said, hushing down the laughing stallion. He looks at you, grinning. "You know, you are one special stallion, You got three bro's like us, a room to yourself, and a front row seat to the biggest ass in the kingdom! So then what happened? I mean, after you ran out the room."

"Well, she had six guests, and said guests wanted to talk to her, but she was in the shower. I made a lie, saying that she got sick, but they didn't believe me, hogtied me, and questioned me. The princess came out, and let me go for the rest of the day. I'll tell you something, I did not enjoy being hogtied like that."

"Sounds like a good ass day to me." Sunny said, bumping your hoof. "Your day didn't seem crazy at all, you just gotta learn to smile through all the bullshit, you know?"

"Yea, laugh at your own pain, and you'll be good." Strings said, coming back from throwing away his food.

That's when you had a second thought about your day. You recalled everything that happened, and a smile began to form on your face, fallowed by laughter. "Yea. I guess you right, I should just laugh at my own pain and move on."

Sunny, Quickdraw and Strings smiled. They all looked at the clock, an began cleaning up. "Well, we got to get back to our shifts, we'll see you later, bro." Sunny said, standing up and stretching. These guys have been so nice to you, and took you into their group with open arms. How about you let them chill in your crib for tonight?

"Hey, you all get out at 4:00 P.M, right? How about you all come and chill with me?" You say, waiting for their answer.

They all looked at each other, smiling.

"Hell yea!"

"So this is your room, huh? Not bad private, not bad."

"Yea, it got's a chill vibe to it and-oh shit, a Playstallion3!"

"Fuck that, he got a Trotbox360!"

You prepared the arrival of your friends, and thankfully, you got a unicorn who was skilled in magic to make the room bigger than how it usually is, giving everypony ball-space. That means room for them. Shit, the stallion was so good with magic, that he even through in a kitchen and shit! Now it looks like a really big one room apartment, with your bed in one room and your game stations in the living room, with the big ass T.V. There was also five boxes of pizza, because big colts like you guys need to eat, know what I'm saying?

Anyways, you even got a pool table in there, and you don't even know how you got it! That' dope!

"There's pizza in case you all get hungry, all right Quickdraw and Strings?" You say to them as you set up the pool table for you and Sunny. They were too busy fighting over which system to play, but you're sure that they get the idea. You look up at Sunny, who was eating three slices at once, and you'r eyes widened a bit. "Damn Sunny, chill."

"What, a colt hungry!" He said as he ate the slices in one bite. "Got any soda?" You pointed at the fridge, and he busted out with six bottles of Cola. Damn, that unicorn gave you everything! "So what we playing?"

"Last one to hit the black eight ball wins. You down?" You say as you just finished setting up the balls.

"Hell yea. This is gonna be one good ass night."

And so it was. You and your friends had tons of fun, playing pool, beating Quickdraw's and Strings ass on both systems, with some help with Sunny, laughing about their and your emberessing moments in life. It gave you a good feeling in life, you know? Knowing you got friends you can trust and hang out with.

It really is a good feeling. And you smiled at this.

Time had passed by quicker than it was suppose to, and everypony had to go. You all agreed that you would do the same thing again on your day off, and that made all four of you happy as a motherfucker.

You went back to your room after locking the door and cleaning up the little mess you all made. For three big guys like them, save for Strings, they sure make a lot less of a mess than expected.

You slid under your bed and began to enter dreamland, finally understanding the meaning of laughing at your own pain.

Princess Celestia smiles at the thought of the new guard learning about friendship,and passing his test without out even realizing it. It was to, just as Sunny said earlier, smile through all of the bullshit that is thrown your way. She also got him the pool table. She turns off the T.V's in her room, and enters her very large bed. She hears a metallic, vibrating noise, than sadly smiles.

"Poor Tyrone, he couldn't handle it. It's okay, nopony can handle Big Sexy." She levitated the destroyed dildo and puts Tyrone back into the suitcase, locking it, and placing it in her drawer. "I'll fix you up later, for now, my hoof will have to do some work."

She smiles seductively, "At least this one won't break easily."

Author's Note

And the Laughing At My Pain Arc is finished! About damn time, too!

As summer approaches, new fics and chapters will be brought into the light, and Molestia will live on forever!

Yay!

Hope I made you guys laugh. Sorry Asian, but can't leave my bronies in the dark.

Have nice day!

P.S: Yes, fanboys do make fun of each others consoles, and to such a degree that they would call it gay. I personally have tried both, and it's the same shit to me. As long as it plays games, I'm fine with it. Stop the arguing.

First Night As A Night Guard.

Summer nights, it feels good on ya skin, doesn't it? Yea, watching the moonrise, having nightly conversations and BBQ’s, watching them mares get on the dance floor and get crazy...Your conscience loves that.

By the way, get up. We have no idea when your new shift starts, so be ready in case they call you down.

“Awe, tittie twinkles!” You say in anger as you quickly rush out of your bed. You enter the bathroom that was installed by that unicorn you never got the name from, and begin your morning, or in this case, evening, routine. You brushed your teeth, washed your face, and hopped into the showers. After doing that, you got out of the shower butt-naked and ran around your room, looking for the locker that possesed your uniform. You found it, and began to walk towards it.

Click!

“What was that noise?” you say as you walk towards the locker. You look around the room, studying everything in sight. Then, your eyes came across that really big teddy bear Princess Celestia left here when she first introduced you your room. You always felt something was...off about that teddy bear, and honestly, your conscience thinks the same. Just look at them soulless eyes, that thick, fake brown fur. It just spells out stalker right there, bro! Seriously, just look at it!

You walk closer to the bear, examining everything on and around it. You look closer at it’s eyes, staring it down even, and watching it’s every move.

“Something does feel odd about this bear,” You say, taking a few steps back. “Like, it’s spying on me, watching my every move. I don’t like that one bit. It reminds me too much of the TrotboxOne.”

Fanboy!

“I am not!” You say in a whiney tone. “Whining? I’m whining! Mothafucka I wil show you whining-You no what? I do not have the time for this, I gotta get dressed.” You say, trotting off to your locker.

Click!

“Fuck it, that’s it.” You say, turning around to the bear. “I’m throwing this out-”

RING RING-RING RING.

You look down at the bear, and notice that strange banana phone that was there from before, right between the bears legs. Raising a brow, you trot over to it, and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” You say politely. You heard heavy breathing, female mostly, but she did not yet speak. So, you asked again. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Is this the new royal guard?” The females voice sounded a bit scratchy, almost as if she was done giving oral. Ha, she gave head!

“Yes, this is the new royal guard, how may I help you?” You say, still looking straight at the bear.

“Report to the Royal Throne Room in an hour, your initiation will commence by then.” You look at the clock, and was shocked that it was already 9:00 P.M. But what in the hell could they mean about your “initiation”?

“Okay, I’ll be there. But wait, I don’t have-”

“Armor. You will be supplied with it when your initiation is complete. For now, bring Day Guard armor.” She hangs up the phone, leaving you butt-naked and confused. You hanged up as well, and made your way to the locker, dressing yourself.

“Alright, I’ma get the hell on out of here, maybe wander the halls a bit until I reach the throne room.” You opened the door,and turned off every light in the room. As you began walking outside, you gave one final look at that bear.

“Man, that shit is straight up creepy.” You close the door slowly, walking away from your massive apartment-like room.

Click!

“I swear, if I do not find the throne room in less than an hour, I just might run back into my room. I ain’t about to wander off into the darkness.” You say as you walk around the candle-lit halls. Everywhere you turned, it felt like a freaking maze, and your mind kept imagining horrible, unspeakable creatures that can just pop out and kill you!

“What the fuck, brain?”

Your conscience can’t help it! It’s scary bro.

“Whatever, I’m just gonna go back-”

*TING...TING...TING.*

As if walking in the dark wasn’t bad enough, now your sound-whore abilities are kicking in. You turned around quickly, glaring at the darkness that was behind you. No other noise came from behind, so you slowly turned around and kept a fair distance away from the darkness.

“Fuck this shit!”

Ha, just kidding, you hauled ass out that bitch.

But the more you ran, the more you began to hear noises surround you. Every step you took, every look you gave behind, beside, and in front of you, the noises would grow louder and louder. You can say you were going insane, but you’re not.

You just wanna get the fuck up out of here!

You make a right turn, and down the barely lit hallway, you could see a giant door, signaling you that it is indeed the throne room.

The noises grew louder and louder, and just before it was about to reach you, you epically dive in front of the door, opened it, and closed it ever so quietly, despite it being such a large door. You heard the noises muffle and quiet down. You gave a sigh of relief, thankful that you were not caught.

“Holy fucking shit, that was one hell of a run.” You say, taking a deep breathe. You turn around and examined the throne room, a little shocked that there wasn’t anypony in sight.

Well it’s fucking dark, what did you expect?

Anyway, you walk down towards the throne, and to your surprise, the normal red carpet that was on the ground, was black! You could only tell due to the moonlight entering the castle through the large windows to the right left of the room. You look around, and every color in the room wasn’t it’s normal color. The white, marble floor and walls were a dark blue, and if you squinted closer, the throne itself had a more dark and twisted, yet beautiful and mouth-gaping design.

The seat was black, and the the hoof rest was darkblue. On the very top of the throne was a crescent shaped moon with black spots behind it. Something about this throne gave you chill right down to the bone. In fact, this whole freaking room gave you a sense of uneasiness, and that didn’t sit right with you.

You began to walk away backwards, still unable to turn away from the strange yet jaw-dropping sight of the throne. But as soon as you moved back any further, you bumped into something that you are sure was not there before.

It was breathing heavily, and damn did it sound scary as fuck. Yet, you kept your cool, and brought out the big balls. You turned around slowly, mustering all the confidence and bravery you have in your body.

“Who are...HOLY SHIT.”

The thing that you bumped into was a pony, but a really fucked up pony. Her maw appeared as more of a snout, with rows of sharp teeth ready to rip you into shreds. The eyes were wide and dead, like all of the life has been sucked out right through them, and the pony is now a hollowed out, living corpse. Is smiled at you, and it’s tongue whipped everywhere when she began to move.

“Are you the new Night Guard? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“....HI AND BYE!” Was the last thing you said before running away behind the throne. Luckily, due to the Day Guards leaving spears to protect the princesses, you picked up one of them and popped out from behind the throne.

“Alright, I have no idea who the hell you are, how you got into this castle, but you are getting the hell out.” You say in such seriousness. The creature began to do something that made you go “Whaaaaaa?”

It began to giggle. Then it began to laugh. Then it began to laugh so hard, it fell to the floor. “Did you record all of that, Derpy?”

“Derpy? The fu-” Before you could curse, every candle in the room began to light up, and the colors of the throne, floor, and walls, and the door began to revert to it’s normal color. You were so confused, that you didn’t even notice a blonde mare standing right in front of you unil she poked you.

“Ha! We got you!” She said, flapping her wings. “You almost peed your suit!”

“Wait a minute...haven’t I seen you before?” Actually, yes, you have. She was the mare you met when you were called up into Princess Luna’s room. Here eyes were-You know what, your conscience isn’t going to describe her, you already met her before.

“If you’re here,,,then where is Princess Luna?” You say, completely baffled. Then, you aimed your attention towards the laughing monster before you.
The creature got up slowly from the ground, still giggling. “I am Princess Luna-Oh wait, please excuse me.”

She began to change right before your eyes. Here light blue and coat changed into a darker color. Her mane and tail dark blue, a celestial mane just like Princess Celestia, except with star-like lights flowing beautifully in her mane. Her coat was a dark blue, and on all four hooves, were metal horseshoes, which were more of a greyish color. Her cutie mark was a crescent moon on top of black spots, much like the emblem of the throne, which was now it’s regular color. The Princess of the Night laid her judgmental eyes on you, sending a stare able to pierce right through your soul. Yet, she had a kind smile on her face that gave you a feeling of safety.

“Hello. So you are the new Royal Guard that signed up for both shifts, correct?”

“Yes, your highness.” You say, bowing down to her. Hoofsteps could be heard walking in front of you, but you kept your head low.

“Rise, my subject.” Princess Luna said, touching your shoulder. You did as you were told, and looked up to the princess. She was smaller than Celestia, but still taller than you. “It seems that your initiation is complete.”

“Forgive me if I speak out of term, Princess, but your initiation was to scare me?” You say,tilting your head.

She giggled. “No, not really. I just wanted to see how long it would take me to scare you. It took a lot longer than I thought, but in the end, I was able to do it.” She walked around you, and all you did was stand up straight. “Though I am curious, how did you know that I was behind you the entire time?”

“Well, specifically, I didn’t know you were behind me, I just heard a whole bunch of noise. Forgive my language, but It’s called ‘sound-whoring’. You say, looking at her. For a split second, you saw a little gleam in her eye, as if it was a good thing that you are able to sound whore.

“Sound whoring...Hm, that could be useful in future events.” She says, taking a step behind you. “I sense promise in you, private. You are officially entered into the clan-Er, I mean, you are now a Night Guard. But as or your armor...”

Her horn began to glow, and she, and your conscience is not bullshiting, she freaking thrusts it into your body. Like, no bullshit, it pierced your armor, yet you could not feel it in your body. You saw the horn, but didn’t feel any pain.

“HOLY SHIT YOU STABBED ME.” You say in complete shock. She backed away from you, and smiled. Though, you weren't smiling, you were still in shock. “YOU STABBED ME.”

“Calm down, private. Look at your armor.” Princess Luna said,

You did as you were told, and noticed the whole in the armor was gone. The color scheme was different as well. It was a dark blue, almost like Princess Luna but a bit darker. However, that wasn’t the only thing you noticed. You could feel new appendages on both sides o your body, and when you saw them, you nearly flipped out,

“Bat wings!? That’s awesome!” You say, fully able to flap them.

“That is not all, look into this mirror.” The Princess of the Night said, hovering a mirror towards you. You looked into said mirror, and noticed how the pupils were reptilian like, and your ears were pointed too. Your hearing was greatly increased, which made you hear almost everything in the room. You looked up Princess Luna and Derpy

“I look like a boss.”

“I am glad you like the new look.” Princess Luna said turning around. “However, that look only lasts once a night. If you were a full time Night Guard, you would look like that even in daytime. Now, follow Derpy and I, your first act as a Night Guard begins now.”

“Yes, princess.” You began to walk behind Derpy and Princess Luna, ready to begin your epic journey as an awesome looking Bat pony.

‘I look like a fucking boss!’

Author's Note

And now the Lunar Arc begins! Fuck yea!

The Kindness of A Gamer.

“So let me get this straight, princess.” You say as you walk beside her and Derpy. As if she wasn’t random enough, she was eating a banana nut muffin while you tried conversing with the princess. Smells like a good ass muffin too. “ Generosity is to Kindness?”

“Yes, that is correct.” You both walk into the mess hall, which was filled with tons of other night guards. As soon as they saw the princess, they all bowed their heads towards her, showing their respect as she walked around them, and towards the lunch line. “Two full boxes of olives and cheese pizza please!”

“Coming right up, your highness!” Said the lunch mare, quickly pulling out two large boxes of pizza. Princess Luna used her magic to levitate the pizza, then kindly thanked the mare. Strange, you’d excpect somepony that’s as royal as Luna to eat some high quality food, but instead goes for pizza? Must be some good shit.

“If that’s true,” You say as the scent of pizza entered your nostrils, making you hesitate for a mere second. "Is there actually any difference?”

“My sister and I were discussing this not too long ago, actually. I’m honestly surprised that you found out this late.” Princess Luna says as she takes a right turn, and you follow. “But their is some difference. You see, the reason why those mares were invited to this castle, was to help you out with the last three tests. All of them represent the Elements Of Harmony, which also explains the statues in the garden. The tests are named after the elements, and the bearers of said elements are all of those mares. You know what I mean, right?” She stopped in the middle of her walking and stared at you. You nodded, and she smiled. “Good. Now, we’re here!”

Just when you were about to say something, a large door opened behind Princess Luna. You didn’t even noticed the door because it was so well blend into the background, like if Luna wanted nopony to noticed. Wait...

“Come in, guard. There is nothing to be afraid of.” Strange. The Princess sounds more cheerer than how she was before. The last time you saw her, she had a serious expression on her face, and this was Sunday, and now it’s Wednesday.

As you into the room, your eyes grew wide in the magnificent beauties you saw before you. There, in that big room, was five 720p HDTV flat screens, all with their own consoles, each. No, we ain’t talking about that new school shit, like the Playstallion3, the Trotbox360, and the Nintendo WiiHorse-shU, we’re talking about that real old school shit. Yea, you know what the fuck this is, bro.

“Is..is this the SNES?!” You stay in astonishment. You haven’t played this system since you were a kid, and that was long ago. But the amazement didn’t stop there, as soon as you looked right next to it, you could feel your gamerballs drop from all of the nostalgia. “The NES? Sega Genesis? Gamecolt Color, and the original Gamecolt?! The Nintendo 64, Dreamcast and is that...No fucking way.” You quickly rushed to the other HDTV, which also had consoles, but the more older/newer ones. “Playstallion’s 1 and 2!? Trotbox!?” But that was just the tip of the iceberg. Your eyes couldn’t believe what you saw next.

“You like games too!?” You heard from behind, but you payed no attention.

“The Nintendo Gamecube?! This was my childhood right here! Paper Mario, Mario Sunshine, Pokemon, and so much more...I can die a happy colt.” You turn around with the most happiest face on the planet, starring Princess Luna directly in the eyes. “Luna, you are officially best princess, hooves down.”

You realize what you just said, then calm downed. “I mean, nice place you got here.” The Princess however, didn’t mind the complement. In fact, she was blushing!

“Thank you! It’s nice to find a pony that has a great tastes in video games.” Princess Luna says as she turns every light in the room, making all the consoles glisten majestically in the light.

“I have good tastes to Princess!” Derpy says as she held a muffin in her mouth. Just let that image burrow into your head. Cute ain’t she?

“I know you do, Derpy. It’s just that you don’t see somepony else in this castle that enjoys the classics like us!” Wow, Princess Luna was getting really excited. So excited, she even went out her way to turn on every system. That’ll raise the electric bill.

But it wasn’t long until she lost that smile, and sighed. “Darn, I almost forgot about Fluttershy!”

“Fluttershy?” You recalled a pegasus pony, who was indeed very shy. “Oh yea, I remember her.”

“Yes, the bearer of Kindness. Derpy and I will return, she’s needed here for the test.” The smile returned as quickly as it left, and she stood up and walked towards the door.

“Wait, what is she going to teach me?” You say walking towards her.

“You will see soon enough. Please, guard these games for now, along with the pizza.” You turned around and noticed the pizza sitting neatly on the table.

“Okay, I got it!” You say, saluting her. As soon as she left, you quickly walked over to the nearest T.V, which was already set up on the channel where The Wii was on. You looked at the numerous games she had, and pulled out a random one

“Super Smash Bros Brawl? That’s the shit I like!” You say as you enter the game in the Wii. The Logo came up, you pressed enter, made a new file, started playing story mode. You had that game face on as soon as Mario and Kirby entered the field.

“Shit’s about to go down.”

“K.O!”

“Fucking Metaknight, overpowered douchebag! Fuck it, let’s pick the Hyrule Hero himself, Link. Yea, shit just got real.” You quickly got bored, no wait, not bored, this game is too awesome to get bored. You played this game before, you know what happens, and went straight for the online multiplayer. It was just you, and three other players. Before, you picked Mario, your normal lay-back character, while the other kiddies were playing as Diddy Kong, Charizard, and Toon Link. At first you were playing simply for shit’s and giggles, but these ponies wanted to go all out.

“Alright, now it’s my turn.”

It’s indescribable how tryhard you went, and completely annihilated them. Shit man, you have a temper problem.

‘You have no proof.’

“Well, somepony sure is a bit angry.”

Told ya.

You turn around to see Princess Luna chuckling, and Derpy closing her eyes while enjoying a delicious muffin. You quickly backed out the game and set down the controller, trotting up to the princess.

“Sorry about that Princess. Smash Bros is one of my favorite games, and I was planning on playing lay-back, no need to try at all but...yea.”

“It’s quite alright, Derpy and I know exactly how you feel.” Princess Luna looks over to a case of the famously rage-inducing video game franchise, Call of Duty. “Anyways, come on out Fluttershy.”

The Princess took one step right next to her, and out in the open was the shy pony herself. She was too busy hiding behind her long pink mane, and you could tell how easily she spooked she was, because her legs were shaking. Luna pokes her side, making her squeak, much like she did the last time. “Come now, Fluttershy. There is no need to be afraid, it’s just you, Derpy, the guard and I in this room. I’m sure you’ve met the guard before.”

Luna signaled you to walk up to Fluttershy and you did as you were told. “Hello Ms.Shy. You do remember me, right?” You smiled at the shy pony, hoping that your fangs wouldn’t scare her.

She leaves her safe zone, and looks up at you slowly. Her eyes get wide, and by the look on her face, she was about to scream until derpy wrapped a hoof around her muzzle. She calmed down and began to talk. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t re-remember.”

“Are you sure? Okay, do you remember a guard escorting you and your friends to your room.”

“Y-yes?”

“Well, that was me.”

Fluttershy looked closer at you, so close that she was like, two inches away from your muzzle. She backed away, blushing at how close she was. “Yes, now I remember. But why do you look like a Batpony?”

“It’s sort of a perk a pony gets when becoming a Night Guard.” Luna explained as she closed the door behind her. She walked over to the Wii and shut it off. “Well, I believe it’s time for your test! So, Fluttershy, what game do you want this stallion to play?”

“I’m sorry Princess Luna, but I don’t play enough games.” Fluttershy says as she walks over to a game rack. She pulls out a random box, and reads it out loud. “How about this one? Mortal Kombat for the Ps3?”

“Not a bad choice.” Princess Luna says as she levitates the box towards the Ps3. “Don’t you agree, guard?”

“I have a name, but whatever. It’s a great fighting game, but princess, don’t you think all the blood and gore will be too much for her?” You knew the princess was agreeing with you, because she was quickly levitating the game back into it’s correct spot. “Hm, well how about Fluttershy chooses a side scroller, two player game?”

“Like this one?” You turn around to see Fluttershy holding up a SNES game cartridge. You smiled widely as you remember your times playing this extremely fun game. “Donkey Kong Country? Is this two player?”

“Excellent choice Fluttershy!” Princess Luna said as she levitated the game towards her. “This is a great Co-op game for you two!” She placed the cartridge in the SNES and turned it on. As the game screen began to load up, Luna connected the two controllers and handed one to you and one to Fluttershy.

As the title screen loaded up, you were instantly reminded of the boss as tune you heard when playing Donkey Kong Country-Jungle Groove.

“Alright, let’s do this!” You say as you started a new file. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong entered the jungle, and Donkey Kong pounded his chest as he normally would. “You ready for this, Fluttershy?”

“Y-yes?”

“This is going to be one really fun night.” Luna said as she took a bite out of a pizza slice.

Author's Note

That's right, we're bringing in the oldschool games, starting off with Donkey Kong Country, one of my favorite games from the SNES. Yes, I know I'm fourteen, but I actually owned a SNES. Donkey Kong was one of my favorites, and to this day I wish I can go back and play it. Aside from the Gamecube, Gameboys, Ps3, Ps2, and Xbox360, I haven't tried the other systems, I just know about them from watching The Angry Video Game Nerd. Also, my memory is a little fuzzy from playing the game because it was from so long ago, so incase I get anything wrong, please let me know.

Let the gaming begin!
Suggestions about any other games to play are welcomed!

P.S: Please read the latest blog post-Vote for some games so that Fluttershy n' you could play-Maybe Luna and Derpy too.

The Pre-Anger of A Gamer.

As you started up the game, a new file and put the two player mode on, both Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong jumped out of their tree house. Fluttershy giggled at how Diddy would jump in place and DK pounded his chest. This brought back some memories, which also reminded you to do this; you went in the lower part of the treehouse, and chuckled at how DK disapprovingly shook his head.

“Awe, why does Donkey Kong look so sad?” You heard Fluttershy comment, feeling bad for the bigger Kong.

“It’s because King K Rool, the bad guy, stole all the Kongs’ banana’s, so we have to play them and get all their stash back.” Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong walk out of the tree, and you started moving Kong up the screen. Fluttershy, who was following you, saw an enemy that you didn’t notice, jumped up and killed it. Controlling Diddy Kong, of course.

“Nice it, Fluttershy!” Princess Luna says. “Have you ever played this game before?”

“I don’t Play games very often.” Fluttershy controls Diddy, and leaps into the air and grabs a whole bunch of bananas. You do the same, quickly earning the both of you an extra life! “But the controls are basic...did we finish the level yet?”

“Sorta. We finished the level, but we still got a whole island to explore!” You say as the the next level, Ropey Rampage begins.

“Oh...my.”

“Don’t worry Fluttershy!” You hear Derpy chip in. “You two got this, no sweat!” As you were running past the level, Derpy gasped. “Hey, private!”

“Yea?”

“Get on top of that tree and ground pound that little hill, thingy! I think you get a trophy!”

“How can I forget that, thanks Derpy!” As you did that, Fluttershy looked at you and tilted her head. Fuck, that is cute.

“What was that thing you just got?”

Thinking back, you never really knew what those little golden statues did, or if they did anything at all. You shrugged at Fluttershy, smiling. “I have no idea. Maybe if we find em’ all, we can get extra lives, highscores, or something cool.”

“Oh. By the way, we already finished the first world and 10 more other levels. That’s the second world too, right?”

“...what?” You checked the screen, and Fluttershy was right. You’re no longer in the jungle part of the island, you and her are now in Vine Valley: That’s nearly half the island already! Well, not half, you guys are only in the third world but damn!

“Daaamn Fluttershy, you’re this good already?”

“Um..May-be?”

“I’m honestly surprised,” You turned around to see Princess Luna shuffle through a stack of games. “For a mare who barely plays video games, you are pretty good, Fluttershy!”

“Yea, we could even finish up this game if we put in enough work. How about it, Fluttershy?” You stuck your hoof out too her, waiting for a hoof bump. She hesitated for a second, but then bumped your hoof. You made a little explosion sound effect, making the mares in the room laugh.

‘Because that’s how we get mares, right?’

Damn straight, playa! Now let’s go kick some crocodile ass.

“Um..Actually, I think it’s time I should go to bed, I’m a little tired.” You turned your head towards Fluttershy, who was covering her mouth with her hoof trying to contain the yawn. “I like this game and all, but I think It’s time for me to leave.”

You turned to the princess, who was eating some nacho’s. Shit, those nacho’s look good. She winked at you, then turned to Fluttershy. “Are you sure, Fluttershy? If that is what you wish, we’re okay with that.”

“Thank you princess.” Fluttershy placed the SNES controller beside her and stood up, making her way towards the door.

“However,” Fluttershy stopped in the middle of her tracks, turning around to face the princess. “I heard that you wanted to be more “assertive”, correct?”

“Oh no, I’m perfectly happy the way I am. Yes, no need for-” Before Fluttershy could run out the door, Princess Luna used her magic to stop her, levitating in mid air. She brought her over to in front of her, smiling.

“How about one last game before you go, huh? How about it?”

“Oh...Okay. One last game, and then I’ll have to go to bed.”

Now, what in the hell is Princess Luna up to? You look over to her, and you could see her whipping out something so dreadful, so disturbing, so anger filling, you had to avert your eyes.

“How about one game of Call of Duty: Black Ops 2?”

“ Princess Luna I really think this is a bad idea.” You say as you watch Fluttershy began her first CoD game. As the counter reaches zero, you looked up at the Princess, who was too busy keeping an un disgusted face. “Do you really think she can handle this game?

“No. I can’t even handle this game, even though I am extremely good at it.”

“Then why make her play this game?” You lacked at the screen, and saw that Fluttershy was doing surprisingly good, considering the fact that she’s a low level, not even a prestige and is using the Ps3 remote, totally different from the SNES remote aside from the D-pad.

“You see,” She’s whispering, but why? “This is your test. The SNES game was just a warmup to see if Fluttershy can get angry at a simple game. Apparently, she didn’t. Now, what you are suppose to do is calm her down when she is angry.”

“That’s it?” You turned around to see Fluttershy high hoofing Derpy. She just went on a merciless streak, dropping missiles and calling in Orbital’s, a kill streak that lets you see the enemy for about a minute or so, like nothing.

“Trust me, when she get’s mad, it;s not a pretty sight.” The Princess shudders, shaking her head disapprovingly. “She didn’t get mad this time because, like all of us who first start out Call of Duty, played for fun. She’s lucky she got a good game. 14 kills and only 5 deaths? Good, but not better.”

“...Do you take games seriously, Princess?”

“Sometimes, yea. Why do you ask.”

“No reason.” You smiled at the Princes of The Night, almost gloating. “This’ll be easy, trust me.”

“Oh damn. Shotgun got me.”

Your pupils shrunk, and you could feel your heart beat faster. You turned around to see Derpy backing away from Fluttershy slowly and towards you and Princess Luna. In the background, you could here many grunts your character would make when he dies. “What!? But I shot him!”

Luna pulled your head towards hers, meeting you eye to eye.

“You were saying?”

__________

Link to my new brony homie, GrandMaster Soul. More information in the Author's Note.

Author's Note

Yes I know this feels rush, but think of it as a prolgue to Fluttlershy's anger. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've just been...lazy. Yup, no doubt. (And The Last Of Us is fucking awesome)

Lastly, I want you guys to know I had a rap battle with a new brony homie, GrandMaster Soul. Link to his page is right above this note, so show him some love on his new story. It's pretty good, give it a read!

And if you wanna read that rap battle, I'll post it soon.

Have nice day!

Hiatus.

Alright you guys, I didn't wanted to do this because I thought I was going to be able to update this even on a school-week filled bases. But, 10th grade is important to me, and I simply cannot screw this up like I did in Freshmen year. Keep in mind, I did pass all of my classed from the pass year, but just by the skin of my teeth, and I cannot let the same happen this year.

The story you are currently reading is going to go on Hiatus, just like the title says. I just told you the first reason why this is true, and here is the second.

About a year ago, I started a zombie fic that did well, but I never had the spark to work on it since. Now,since October is just around the corner, I can feel that flame rise as each day passes. I am going to be working on that for that month, and maybe even through December. I don't know how it's all going to go down, but the story itself will be long, and it will face another Hiatus until I get the full story developed. Hopefully it won't be long Hiatus for that story. If you are interested in reading it, then by all means go ahead. I warn you though: The chapters edited poorly. I will find an editor for that story when the time comes.

Out Of All The Worlds...is the name of this story. Have fun checking it out!

Don't worry, this story and the others will still be worked on,just very slowly. I hope you all understand my feelings towards this pause.

Because I am NOT going to spend the rest of my life working at a dead-end job.

This same message will be posted on my other stories.

Until then, peace out.

I Got 99 Favorites...

PLUS ANOTHER ONE! HIT MEH!

HIT IT!

I would like to thank all of you for liking my story! Hopefully today, I will upload a brand new chapter for you guys! Thank you-

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Once again, thank you all for reading my story :)

P.S: Sorry if you guys thought this was an updated chapter.