Twilight at night

The loveliest white feathers lovingly caressed her cheek and Twilight's heart sang with joy.

“You have saved me once again, my faithful student.”

“Yes, my Princess.”

Sweet breath flowed over her coat, tickling her ears and calling forth a fiery blush.

“I think you deserve a reward for your service.”

“A reward?”

“Yes, anything you desire.”

“Anything?”

A white muzzle pressed against hers. Lips parted, moist and hot.

Twilight awoke in the dark. In her library, in her bed, far from the warmth of the Princess of the sun.

The purple unicorn closed her eyes against the longing and remembered. Remembered how it had really happened.

“Twilight...”

“I know that there are circumstances, but I know what I feel, I know what I want.”

“I am sorry, Twilight.”

“Don't you feel it?”

“I am your teacher, your sovereign and your temporary guardian. I cannot in good judgement allow myself to entertain your crush.”

“It isn't a crush!”

The calm smile held firm, but there was a suggestion of a sigh in the alicorn's posture.

“I was afraid of such,” she replied after a moments silence. She turned away from her student to face toward the setting sun.

“No,” the unicorn whispered to herself. Had she spoken aloud at the time? Was it something her memory had added after the fact? As the warmth of the sun turned cold.

“We must distance ourselves from each other for a time. Your quarters will be moved to the east tower, you will no longer be granted unsupervised access to the central tower and your privilege to seek audience is revoked.”

“No!” she had been so angry. Desperate, terrified really. “You can't do this!” And a little stupid. Every inch a young filly in love.

“Remove her.” A white wing gestured to a guard.

Twilight's memory was thankfully hazy after that point. She remembered struggling, her hooves failing to find traction on the floor of the royal chambers. She remembered that she screamed.

Eyes wet with tears she reached her hoof down to her nethers. Sniffling and ashamed she rubbed herself and thought of her Princess.

Majestic and perfect. The epitome of beauty and vigour. The fire in her heart. Her beloved, wonderful Princess.

The Goddess of the Sun smiled down on her warmly. Her billowing mane tickled her softly. She leaned down.

“My faithful student.” A white muzzle pressed against hers. Lips parted, moist and hot.

You know she never would.

Shut up.

She wrapped her hooves around that glorious neck pulling her in, hungry, starving for her.

She would be disappointed if she knew you still longed for her.

Shut up.

She trapped that elegant hoof between her thighs, holding it tight against her eager sex.

The fantasy Celestia pulled back from the kiss. “We need to distance ourselves.”

Twilight buried her face into her pillow as she came.

She sniffed. She knew chewing on old wounds like this wasn't healthy. She just couldn't bring herself to move on. To walk away from that perfect train wreck that was her first and only love.

She felt shame. Shame for her desire and for her weakness.

“You awake, Twilight?” came a voice from the foot of the bed.

“Yeah, Spike.”

“You crying again?”

“Yeah. Sorry if I woke you.”

“Don't worry about it. Good night Twilight.”

Wrapping herself tighter in her blankets the unicorn tried to return to slumber once more. Except she thought of a question. And asking a question would mean she wouldn't be asleep and that she wouldn't dream.

“Spike?” she ventured.

“Yeah?”

“How do you always know when I cry at night?”

“The smell.”

“Oh. Sorry.” It was an old pattern.

“Don't worry about it. It's nice. I mean, it bothers me when you cry. But it's a nice smell.”

“Hmm.” The answer to that question wasn't awkward at all.

“Do you think Rarity smells like that? When she cries at night?”

Clinging to her bed, set adrift in a vast and infinite ocean of awkwardness, Twilight lost sight of land.

“I don't think she cries at night. But I suppose she would smell kind of like that sometimes.”

“Huh,” replied Spike thoughtfully. “I thought that was something that all ponies did.”

“No, just me, Spike.” Of course Spike had only starting living with her after she had been exiled to the east tower. “Where did you sleep before I started taking care of you?”

“Doctor Bullock took care of me.”

“He was a vet, right?”

“Yeah, he was kinda creepy.”

“Huh.” On the ocean of awkwardness the legs of the drifting bed sunk into what felt like sand.

“Why do you cry Twilight?”

“Oh, reasons... Somepony I like doesn't like me back as much as I would like.”

“Because you like somepony...” Spike was silent for a moment. “You don't suppose... ?”

“What is it Spike?”

“You don't suppose Rarity would every... smell like that? Over me, I mean?”

The bed was torn loose from shore by a sudden shift in the current.

“When you're older.” Twilight flailed at the awkwardness struggling frantically to drive to the shore once more.

“But what if she never loves me the same way? What if nopony does?”

“Maybe you'll find a nice dragon?”

The sound of Spike's careful deliberation filled the room.

“No, I like mares,” Spike declared his sexual preference and deviancy.

“Well, I suppose you were brought up around ponies. That kind of makes sense.”

“What if the mare I fall for, when I am older, is you?”

Twilight clung desperately as a vicious riptide in the awkwardness threatened to capsize the bed.

This was insane. It was wrong. She was Spike's mentor, employer and temporary guardian. It wouldn't be right to entertain his feelings...

The ocean of awkwardness sank rapidly dropping the bed with a wooden clunk on her bedroom floor.

“Spike come here.”

“What for?”

“Just get your tail over here.” She lifted the covers, “Under here.”

She held her dragon for a time. Pressed his rounded spines into her flesh. Nice, familiar and safe.

“What's this about?”

It wasn't the right choice. The right choice was what Celestia would do in the same situation. Twilight knew first hand what that was. She also knew how it felt.

“When you're older, and if you still want to, we'll give it a shot.”

She kissed the dragon on the back of his scaly head and held him close as she drifted off to sleep.