On Strike

by Drynwhyl

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia
Length: 1143

The royal princesses decide to go on strike. Shining Armor is left to pick up the pieces.

Celestia and Luna are sick and tired of something and industrial action is the only way! Will Shining Armor be able to cobble together some sort of solution during the interim while the Princesses' dispute with God knows who is sorted out?

Published 2012-12-31 03:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-31 03:20:01 UTC

Taking Action

"We're on strike."

"What."

Shining Armor wasn't particularly stupid. He very well knew what the three elements of that statement meant: we're, a contraction of "we are"; on, signifying that the subject of the sentence is taking some kind of position or situated atop a structure; strike, meaning to stop work in order to force an employer to comply with the demands of their workforce. We're on strike. It was a very simple statement.

His inability to understand what those three words meant was due to the circumstances under which they were uttered. The incomprehensibility of this situation was somewhere around universe-busting proportions.

Luna looked over to her sister, an eyebrow raised as she averted her eyes from Shining. He seemed to be slipping into some kind of slack-jawed coma.

"Do you think he heard us, Celestia?"

Celestia turned to Luna and whispered out of the corner of her mouth, looking a little concerned by her captain's reaction.

"I'm not sure, Luna. He seems to be a little distracted by something. Maybe we should wave our placards about? Visual aids tend to be very good at getting an idea across."

"No idea, but we better do something. Brain cells tend to die after a few minutes of oxygen deprivation and he doesn't seem to be breathing."

Celestia nodded and rose from her throne. Eying Shining Armor curiously, she descended down the carpeted steps and sidled up to the inanimate stallion. Hoof was quickly applied to nape, resulting in a spluttering Shining Armor rudely awakened from his torpor. As was to be expected, Luna found this to be most entertaining and expressed her enthusiasm with demonic laughter befitting such a terrible act of violence.

"Oh-ho-ho, 'Tia! That was quite likely the most stick-slappingest display of humour seen in this droll throne room for over a thousand years! We should go on strike more often!"

Unfortunately, Shining Armor had recovered just in time to shatter the jovial atmosphere with horrible notions such as 'reason' and 'common sense'.

"Wait. Wait. You both keep talking of going on strike. Why would you go on strike? You two form the diarchy of Equestria. How does that even work?"

Luna looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

"We have a union."

Shining Armor stared up at Luna, dumbfounded. His eyes flicked over to Celestia, then back to Luna. Eyes to Celestia, then back to Luna. Suddenly he found himself being hoisted up into the air. Bewildered, he looked downwards only to see himself straddling a human. Celestia started snorting, desperately trying to stifle her laughter.

"Look at that mare" - she pointed to Luna with one hoof, the other obscuring her mouth - "then back to me. Oh, Shiny, anything's possible when you're a princess and not a stick in the mud."

Shining Armor quickly dismounted the human, giving it a quick hoof up the arse as it vanished into thin air. He could feel his will to live positively oozing out of every single pore on his body, escaping into the biting nighttime cold, and he started contemplating turning himself into a snail so he could salt himself to expedite the process. Fortunately, it didn't take him too long to decide that osmosis is not a pleasant way to die and that he should perhaps just ignore the joke which he obviously didn't get, so he simply opted to continue his line of questioning. It was strangely unsettling, having to be the voice of reason speaking up against two living deities.

"Listen, princesses. What I'm asking is how you could possibly partake in industrial action when you've got nopony to answer to. You two are both the head honchos here in Equestria. Seriously, what could you possibly hope to achieve with this? To draw a parallel with the private sector, you both" - he pointed at Celestia and Luna simultaneously - "are the CEO, owner and president all rolled into one. Or in this case, two."

Celestia patronisingly patted Shining Armor on the back, shaking her head sadly.

"Sorry, Shiny. We aren't allowed to speak of those things. It's against union rules. You'll just have to wait until mediation if you want to hear more of the unfortunate specifics of this current situation. As it is, we will not be taking part in any of our duties until this dispute is resolved in a manner that me and my colleague find to be satisfactory."

Meanwhile, Luna had pulled out some kind of crudely made sign with 'Equality for Alicorns' slathered on the front and was mincing about the throne room shouting muffled slogans around the placard's handle. Shining Armor had to tilt his head ninety degrees to read the thing. The way it waved about clumsily in Luna's maw was quite mesmerising and his eyes followed it around like a lost puppy. His trance was quickly shattered though when Celestia, who was quickly growing concerned that her captain was coming down with some kind of horrid narcoleptic affliction, clipped him behind the ear again.

"So, Shiny, did you catch all of that?"

Shining Armor blinked.

"Er... y-yes, your highness?"

Celestia ignored the questioning inflection of his response and nodded. Luna was now singing some kind of protest song with lyrics entirely irrelevant to the current dilemma.

"Good. Then you will understand why neither the sun nor the moon will be raised for the foreseeable future."

The crushing, unadulterated force with which Shining Armor's brain slammed an expression of surprise so profound onto his face was impossible to fathom. It was like a thousand Iron Wills coaching a thousand Fluttershys who promptly went on to berate a thousand Raritys and Pinkie Pies about the frivolity of their existences, but rather than learning an important life lesson they all elect to rock up at the throne room and trample poor old Shining Armor's balls while wearing high heels. He could feel bones snapping, his facial structure obliterating and rearranging itself to only just barely accommodate the pure fucking fury of the shock the princesses had suddenly etched into his very soul.

"Wh-what?"

Celestia sighed and levitated a quill over to herself. Suddenly, she began to scribble on her foreleg, just above her fetlock, and then turned her leg around to show Shining Armor what she had sketched. It was a rather stylish looking watch, very much like the ones drawn by the high society ponies that always seemed to come into the castle to complain about petty things and politick about like headless cockatrices. The penmareship was remarkable. It also showed, to Shining Armor's horror, that it was 11:30 am.

He looked outside. It was dark. No sun, no moon. He looked back to the watch and then back to the sky. No humans materialised this time but it was still quite the predicament.