Liquid Waste Disposal Conduit
Liquid Waste Disposal Conduit
Starscream awoke to find Rainbow Dash lying next to him nuzzling and planting small kisses near his ear. Her mane tickled his muzzle as her kisses traveled slowly to his mouth. He grew impatient and turned his face to meet hers. He captured her mouth with his and kissed her deeply as he pulled her closer him. They parted their kiss both breathing deeply. She moved her mouth over his and began to whisper. "I want you to,"
"WAKE UP!" The baby blue pegasus yelled from his doorway.
"Curses." he whispered as he pulled the fluffy blanket over his head.
"The tasting at Sugar Cube Corner starts in a half hour, and we both Pinkie Promised." she reminded.
"Give me a few thousand astro seconds."
"Okay, but just a few thousand." she laughed as closed the door.
As he rolled onto his back he noticed something move under the blankets. Not sure what kind if creature might've crawled into his bed he decided to err on the side of caution. If he winds up killing something harmless it wouldn't be a problem to dump it's body. He swung his hoof as hard as he could at the thing hiding under his blanket...
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"
Hearing his scream Rainbow came back in only to find her lazy stallion curled up into a ball on the floor whimpering.
"Screamer." she called as she ran into the room.
"Curse this organic body." he muttered.
"What the hay happened?" she asked. "Are you okay?"
"I believe that circulatory fluid may be leaking into my urinary tract." he wheezed barely able to keep fluids from flooding his eyes.
"What?" she asked.
"I think my liquid waste disposal conduit had shifted in procreatory mode without my knowledge. I perceived it to be a creature of unknown origin. Believing it to be hostile I attempted to kill it... and I think I may have succeeded." he said while rocking back and forth trying to compose himself.
"Wait, what?" Rainbow Dash asked still completely at a loss.
"Never mind." he responded as he rolled onto his stomach.
"You're not hurt, are you" she asked as he slowly rose to feet.
"I believe my injuries are superficial."
"Well, good cause we're running late." she kissed him on the cheek and nuzzled against him before once again dashing out of his room.
"Right behind you." he called as he checked his appearance in the mirror. They were meeting her friends for breakfast in Ponyville, and that meant that prissy unicorn Rarity would be there. If he looked even the slightest ill kept he would be the target of another cosmetic onslaught. He took a few brush strokes through his silver mane and his tail before rushing after his female companion. He stretched his red, white and silver feathered wings, and took off.
***
There wasn't much conversation on the way to Sugar Cube Corner where they were all to sample the Cakes new breakfast pastries. Starscream's mind remained on the incident in his room. He had spent millions of years studying flesh creatures before the war. He knew very well what was going on with his organic body, and he did not like it one bit. He'd spent most of his life looking down on flesh creatures for living their pathetically short lives driven by the desire to procreate. He had always seen himself as above such things, and now here he was fighting his own hormones.
Regardless of species he'd always found organic reproduction to be a decidedly disgusting and altogether sticky affair, and now he couldn't help but fear where his dream would have gone had it not been interrupted. He had existed for eons without any such desires, and while his superior intellect was above such things, his body had other ideas.
They landed outside of Sugar Cube Corner where her friends were waiting. To his relief he found that he wouldn't be the only male in attendance. Fluttershy had brought Big Mac along and as always Spike the annoying dragon arrived on Twilight's heels, but predictably rushed to Rarity's side to begin his usual fawning over the prima donna.
Starscream excused himself to the outhouse as he had forgotten to use the facilities at home.
Waste Disposal ranked as his least favorite activity as a flesh creature. It rivaled procreation for the top position in Starscream's book of horrific activities organic life forms engage in on a regular basis. After six weeks he finally began to accept this as a regular part of his new life.
He rejoined the others a few moments before a certain rambunctious pinky pony popped out to usher them in.
"Gee, I'm sure glad everypony was able to make it. The Cakes and I have brainstormed new ideas for breakfast pastries to drum up business. You ponies'll be the first to get your hooves on them. I'm so excited to see how much you like them. This is so exciting!"
Pinkie led them all to a table, where using articulate language that the former Decepticon thought beyond her grasp, she described each of the baked goods in such glorious detail that even he had to catch himself before he started salivating.
"This is a different take on the classic Apple Fritter. The cubed apples were infused in a spiced wine with cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves before being wrapped in a delicate phyllo wrap before being baked instead of fried to give it lighter texture that just melts in your mouth..."
Eating had been one of those organic activities that he had taken to quite easily. It was probably the only reason he'd opted to come along in the first place even if it did mean spending time around Pinkie.
"Well that about does it." said Mr. Cake, "I encourage you all to try one of each." as Pinkie went into the back.
Nopony had to be told twice, and each busied themselves filling their plates with the assorted baked goods. Pinkie returned with a tray loaded down with a 3 pitchers of juice, a tea kettle, a stack of empty cups, and a punch bowl.
"You guys just help yourself whatever you want to drink. We've got apple juice, orange juice, grape juice, tea, and Gummy's favorite Party Punch!" She set the tray down on a large table before grabbing her own plate to fill with goodies. "Oh, and Rarity don't worry, Gummy hasn't gotten into the punch bowl this time."
By the time Starscream had finished loading his plate the conversation had turned lively.
"I have no idea what happened!" Rainbow dash exclaimed, "One minute he's barely awake and the next he's curled up in a ball."
"My goodness that sounds strange." Fluttershy remarked with concern. "Don't you think he should see a doctor?"
"I assure you I'm fine." said topic of conversation as he placed his plate next to his rainbow maned marefriend's.
"Yeah, he said his injuries were super-fishy which is Screamer speak for not that bad." Rainbow Dash stated with an air of superiority.
"The word is superficial, but at least you know the proper definition."
"How did you hurt yourself?" Fluttershy asked. "That is if you don't mind telling us."
"He said something about trying to kill a liquid waste thingy, and succeeding." The blue pegasus explained before Starscream could voice his desire to drop the subject. "There was also something about some fluid leaking somewhere. You'd have to ask him."
"Star got hurt?" Twilight asked. "How?"
"I punched my liquid waste disposal conduit which as it turns out is very sensitive. Can we please drop this?" he asked almost pleadingly.
Twilight's eyes widened just before she hit the floor laughing.
"What's so funny?" Apple Jack asked from the other side of the table.
"What's a liquid waste thingy anyway?" Rainbow asked to her once silver companion now turning red with embarrassment.
"Disposal Conduit." he said finishing what he deemed the proper name for the annoying organ. The annoyance seeped through his voice. "Can we change the subject?"
The light came on in Big Mac's eyes. "Ya best let this one slide Rainbow Dash. It's kinda a personal thing."
"Yeah we probably should." said Twilight as she finally calmed enough to get back on her hooves.
"Did I miss a funny joke?" Pinkie asked approaching with a plate overflowing.
"Well Starscream hurt himself in an amusing way." Twilight explained.
"Twilight, I'm surprised at you." Pinkie scolded, "A friend getting hurt is never a laughing matter." She turned to the silver stallion, "Are you okay? Do you have a boo boo? Did you slip and fall cause I do that sometimes. Did Rainbow Dash kiss it and make it better."
"NO!" snapped Starscream.
Pinkie's eyes became large, sad-looking, and full of fluid. Her lips had pursed into a pout and started quivering.
Realizing what was about to happen he took a calming breath and apologized. "I'm sorry Pinkie. I didn't mean to raise my voice."
"Okay!" she said instantly cheering up. "You're forgiven." she said and immediately began to demolish her plate of goodies.
The conversation turned to less embarrassing matters like Fluttershy's difficulty with Angel, and how hard it was to pick just one of the delicious pastries as a favorite. Every so often Twilight would look over at him and snicker, but the silver pegasus didn't let it get to him. He had spent enough time around organics to know that as a rule they found humor in blunt impact injuries to male reproductive organs. It was a flaw consistent with being organic.
Unfortunately he was now organic, and he had a feeling that this morning wouldn't be the last time that a simple biological process would be his undoing. The dream he'd had stood as testament to the fact that testosterone and not oil flowed through his body. He silently thanked Primus that his transformation resulted in an adult male not an adolescent, and that he wouldn't be forced to go through what flesh creatures called puberty.
"Ain't that right, Screamer?" Rainbow Dash asked impatiently. The tone of her voice indicated her impatience signifying that she was asking for a second time.
"Yes certainly." he responded hoping that the rainbow maned mare found his answer satisfactory.
"We're you scared?" Rarity asked intently.
"What?" Starscream replied shakily. "Why would I be scared?" he asked hoping to deduce where the conversation had gone while his mind had wandered.
"I'd imagine it would be very terrifying facing down a tornado when you have little experience in weather control." Rarity continued.
"Heck no." Rainbow Dash interjected. "He's almost fearless as yours truly." she said pointing a hoof towards her chest.
"As I recall you were the one acting trepidatious in the face of danger." he chided.
"As if!" she exclaimed.
He chuckled, "I merely made a jest, my dear. Everyone here knows your courage." he said with a genuine smile. She blushed before leaning over to give him a small peck on the cheek. It felt good to give compliments and actually mean them for a change.
She continued the tale with everypony listening intently to the tale of a wild tornado coming out of the Everfree Forest while he simply marveled at her. Had someone told him last stellar cycle that he would defect from the Decepticons only to become second in command to a female flesh creature who controls the weather he would've thought them absurd and blasted them out of spite.
"... there were pegasai flying out left and right, but not old Screamer. He never gave up trying to reverse that twister before it hit Ponyville. I couldn't be more proud." she said planting a kiss on his cheek. "After what seemed like forever. Screamer had the most awesome idea..."
Two little foal played off in the corner one a unicorn, and the other a pegasus. Seeing the two play in the corner made him wonder what precisely did Rainbow expect in their relationship. He had no interest in copulation, but what if she did. What if she wanted offspring? Could he actually go through with copulation to give her what she wanted if that's what she wanted? Perhaps it was too soon to think about these things. They'd barely known each other a few weeks, and there would be months and years to work these things out provided Megatron didn't return and succeed in conquering Equestria.
..."and then the two tornadoes collided canceling each other out. The awesomeness of it blew me away, and that's saying something. That's when I promoted him from trainee to my second in command. No pony could deny that he earned it."
He smiled and blushed at her praise. Despite eons of wanting control of everything he'd found someone... somepony he didn't mind following.
Author's Note
This seemed like a good place to end this chapter. These stories are nonsequential. I may write one about the story Rainbow Dash told in the background. It would definately be more action packed.
