My Mother Moves the Moon!

by That One Kid

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Pipsqueak, Prince Blueblood, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 14430

When Princess Luna adopts Pipsqueak, the Canterlot nobility raises a king-sized ruckus, with a rather irate Blueblood at the head of it all. How will our little colt with the Trottingham accent adjust to his new life as a Prince of Equestria?

Meet Pipsqueak.

Pipsqueak, or "Pip" as he prefers to be called, has quite the imagination. There are times when he is a fearsome pirate, scourge of the seas of Equestria. There have also been times when Pipsqueak has fantasized about being a gallant prince, traveling the land, saving fair maidens, slaying wicked beasts, and being hailed as a hero by his peers. Not once did he ever imagine he'd get exactly what he wished for in the form of Princess Luna adopting him, making him an actual prince! Soon enough, Pip learns that being a prince isn't as glamorous as he thought it to be, and that there are more than a few downsides to being a part of the royal family. One in particular downside coming in the form of a nuisance named Blueblood.

On the other side of the coin, Princess Luna must adjust to her newly-found position of motherhood, balancing the task of providing her adopted foal as normal a life as possible for a young prince, while also making sure the nobility and paparazzi keep their hooves out of their business. Fortunately, this mare not only has the entirety of the Royal Guard, including her own Night Guard at her disposal, but her sister and niece also happen to be fiercely protective of the newest member of their family.

Published 2013-01-03 07:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-30 11:18:43 UTC

Prologue - Adopted into a Princely Position

- Prologue -
"Adopted into a Princely Position"
or
"The part wherein Luna adopts Pipsqueak"
<><><><><>

Parents Day. The one thing he hated more than anything about school. For a lot of fillies and colts, it was a wonderful day, where they would bring in their oh-so-important mom or dad, and tell the class ALL about what they do and why it is so super-duper important. For him and any other orphan, it was just another reminder that he didn't have any parents to show off. Well, Pipsqueak did, it was just that, for whatever reason that his adolescent mind could not comprehend, they couldn't, or rather, as some of the meaner colts suggested, didn't want to take care of him, to raise him; to tuck him into bed at night with a bedtime story and a kiss to the noggin or whatever it is that parents did with their foals. It wasn't like Pipsqueak knew, after all; he was just an orphan.

So, instead of getting to walk up to the front of his class and brag about how great his mom or dad was to the rest of his class, he sat in the back of the room, with the foals whose parents were too busy to come today, doodling away on a piece of paper with a crayon in his mouth. Sure, the crayons tasted terrible, and his hoof-eye coordination left something to be desired, but that was true for most colts his age. Still, he was proud of the end result; a little stick pony drawing of himself on a funny looking pirate ship sailing the seas as some rather... Squiggly looking waves rocked the vessel. Why, if he had a picture frame, he'd hang this masterpiece right on the wall! Unfortunately, he did not own one, nor did he have the bits to purchase a picture frame, so therefore, he would have to settle for it being put on the cork board with a pushpin. It'd still look right smashing, frame or no frame, he'd wager.

Still, once the picture was done, he was right back to doing what he'd been doing before; struggling not to nod off as some colt's dad was talking about how to make tree sap even stickier for construction puposes. How it was possible, he didn't know, and quite frankly, he was far too focused on the clock at the front of the classroom as it ticked ever closer to the final bell for today. Just a couple more minutes, and afternoon classes would be over! Pipsqueak squinted his eyes as he stared at the clock mounted on the wall, as though he was trying to will time to move faster. While he couldn't actually do such a thing, it never hurt to try, right?

There was a loud click as the longer hand on the clock's face moved ever so slightly to the right. One minute to go, and the stallion was still talking. Pip groaned, wondering if this would ever end. Thankfully, everyone in the classroom was saved from the stallion's endless droning by the sound of somepony clearing their throat at the front of the class.

"Mister Sticky Business, while your explanation of sap and its many practical uses was... Fascinating, it is almost time for class to be let out. If you would kindly summarize what you're trying to explain to the foals?"

Miss Cheerilee to the rescue, as always. While she normally taught Morning Classes, Pip's usual teacher was home sick, and Cheerilee was all too happy to fill in for her. While Sticky Business finished up, Cheerilee winked in the general direction of the class, a gesture that thankfully went unnoticed by the stallion at the front of the room. When the final bell for the day rung, colts, fillies and their parents filed out of the class, and those that weren't, like Pip, were busy putting away the crayons and sheets of paper they had out. Just as Pipsqueak finished, and made his way towards the door, he was stopped by a couple of pokes to the shoulder.

"Excuse me... Pipsqueak, correct?"

Pipsqueak turned around to come face to face with Miss Cheerilee, who wore a rather sheepish expression that certainly didn't suit such a sunny mare like her.

"Yes, Miz Cheerilee? What is it?"

Cheerilee chuckled nervously, and produced a large book, almost the size of Pip's entire body, in fact, from her saddlebags that were resting on the back of her chair.

"I'd hate to ask this of a student..." she said, a hoof pawing at the ground. "But I'm afraid that with all the work I'm going to be doing grading both Miss Honeydew's and my class' work for today, I won't have the time to return this book to the new library that opened up recently. Would you be a dear and return it for me?"

Rather than the whining and moaning one would expect of a colt his age, Pipsqueak's right foreleg snapped up in a crisp salute, and gave his substitute teacher a beaming smile.

"Can do, Miz Cheerilee! I'll have this book back in th' librury quicker than you can say 'Bob's yer uncle'!" Pip said, his voice positively oozing confidence.

Of course, that gleaming smile of his shrank somewhat when the large book was somehow crammed into his own saddlebags, terribly offsetting his balance, forcing him to lean off to one side to compensate.

"Er... Per'aps it'll take a smidge longer than that, but I assure you, I'll get this book back where it belongs!" said Pip, raising a foreleg to salute once more, but in the process of doing so, toppled forward, the saddlebags falling on top of his head.

Cheerilee just shook her head and helped Pipsqueak back up, and placed his saddlebags in their proper position, and sent him off, waving until the colt disappeared from view. She sighed, pressing a hoof to her forehead.

"What in Equestria have I done?" she asked nopony in particular, a slight whine evident in her tone.

Pipsqueak, in the meantime, was trotting down the street, singing a snippet from a rather piratey tune.

"~Yar har fiddle-dee-dee, being a pirate is all right to be! Do what you want 'cuz a pirate is free, you are a pirate!~"

Pip wasn't quite sure, but as he sang that song, he could've sworn he'd heard accompanying woodwinds and other instruments as he sang, and when he'd finished his part, the town's local party planner, Pinkie Pie, had seemingly popped out of nowhere to sing her piece, and disappeared just as mysteriously as she had appeared when she was done. Something about Ponyville; nay all of Equestria, seemed to suggest that any time somepony broke out into song, there would always be some kind of accompaniment. Some scholars theorized it was a leftover enchantment of Discord's during his reign over two thousand years ago, before he was sealed into a statue the first time around. Pip honestly didn't care; it was kind of cool, really. If it was Discord's magic at work, apparently the Princesses liked it too; otherwise they would have done something about it by now.

When Pipsqueak finally reached the new library, he could hear laughter. Was Miss Princess Twilight there? What about her friends? Wherever Princess Twilight was, chances were that her friends were there too; it was certainly within the realm of possibility, at least. Either way, he hoped they wouldn't mind if he came in to drop off the book and went out, all quick-like and such, right? Hopefully they weren't like the fillies his age, always trying to rope him into one of their frou-frou tea parties, or one of their Celestia-awful makeovers. Thank goodness he had the sense to refuse such invitations. Shaking himself free of his mental wanderings, he knocked on the door of the library, and almost instantly, the laughter was replaced by unintelligible whisperings.

"Er, hello?" he called out hesitantly, pulling the book from his saddlebag, clenching it inbetween his teeth. "Ah haf a boo' ah'd like t' ruhtuhn." he continued, his voice muffled by the thick binding of the almost tome-sized collection of text.

It seemed like "book" was the trigger word that caused one of the ponies within the library, most likely Twilight Sparkle, to come to the library entrance, and open the top half of the library door, which was far more mundane in comparison to the strange three-piece door of the old one.

"Hello? Someone said something about a book to return?" she said, looking around for the source of the voice.

"D'nn 'ere." came Pipsqueak's muffled reply.

"Oh. Heh heh... Sorry Pipsqueak. I didn't see you there." said Twilight, ears folded down, and a blush creeping across her face as she removed the book from the grateful colt's mouth. Seriously, that thing was heavy!

"Quite all right, Miz Twilight, I get that a lot, actually." he said with a good-natured chuckle.

"I can imagine so." came her reply as she looked the book over. The binding was a little damp where Pipsqueak had been holding it with his mouth, but she surmised that a gentle scrubbing should prevent any damage, and then took a glance at the cover.

"... 101 Field Trip Ideas?" she asked, looking from the book, to Pipsqueak, then back to the book again, an eyebrow raised in a quizzical manner.

"Miz Cheerilee asked me to return it for 'er, since she's busy gradin' the papers for two classes today, since our normal teacher was sick today." said Pip, in a matter-of-factly sort of tone.

"Ah." said Twilight, setting the book aside. She looked at the colt, wearing a neckerchief that she recognized as the bandanna from his Nightmare Night costume from a while back, and smiled. "Would you like to come in, Pipsqueak? There's somepony here that I know would love to see you again."

"Who'd that be, Miz Twilight? I hope it's not Diamond Tiara. I don't mean to sound rude, but that filly is an absolute buh... An absolute buh-buh-whuh..." said Pip, trailing off as the rest of the door was opened, revealing the "guest" Twilight had been talking about.

That unique cutie mark... That deep, indigo-hued coat... That ethereal, star-spangled mane... The presence of a pair of wings and a rather impressive horn... There was no mistaking who it was that was smiling at him as she spoke.

"Hello, young Pip. It has been quite a while, has it not?"

Now, Pipsqueak was never one to observe proper decorum when addressing royalty, and today was no exception, especially since he had no idea he'd be seeing any princesses until next Nightmare Night. So really, his following reaction was to be expected.

"P-p-puh-p-p- Princess Luna? COR BLIMEY!" he shrieked excitedly, oblivious to his surroundings.

No sooner had he spoken those words, had several heads within the vicinity turned to face him, and not even a few seconds after that had Twilight Sparkle pressed a hoof to the young colt's snout and ushered him inside, wrapping him in a purplish aura of magic around him as she did so. Twilight muttered a quick apology to the observing populace and closed the door behind her.

"What the heck was that for, Pipsqueak? Half the town must've heard you!" she said, forehooves flailing about. "The last thing Princess Luna needs is for a bunch of ponies hounding her when all she wants is--" and before Twilight could continue her rant, she found her mouth forcibly held shut by a deep purplish-blue aura. Twilight would have questioned Luna's actions at that moment, if not for her current inability to speak, but a gesture of Luna's head directed the muffled mare to Pipsqueak, who seemed to be on the verge of tears. Realizing her mistake, Twilight's ears folded behind her head out of shame, and found herself able to speak again, her muzzle released from Luna's magical grip.

"I'm sorry Pipsqueak, I wasn't thinking." she said, pawing at the floor. "I probably would have reacted the same way if Princess Celestia just... showed up out of the blue. I really shouldn't be so judgmental... I'm sorry."

Twilight Sparkle was met with a small smile from the young colt, and a nod from the younger of the Pony Princesses.

"It's okay Miz Twilight. I've never been one fer subtlety and whatnot. Still doesn't excuse my outburst though." he said with a chuckle.

There was a bit of a silence as the three ponies present simply stood, or sat, in Luna's case, for what seemed like ages. Finally, Pipsqueak spoke up, ending the awkwardness that seemed to settle in the room.

"So, uh... Miz Twilight, would you happen to have any Daring Do books?" he asked, running a hoof through his messy brown mane. "Scootaloo's gotten me hooked on th' series real good, y'see, and I can't say I don't understand why. It's real grippin' stuff, fer sure."

"I'm glad you think it's good, Pipsqueak." said Twilight, beaming. "I'm a fan myself and the series is real popular over in Canterlot, and so far, I've only managed to get Rainbow Dash hooked on it. I'd imagine that because Rainbow likes it, Scootaloo started reading the books at her recommendation. I don't know how, but she seems to hear about new additions to the series even before I do. Neither Spike or myself have figured out how she does it."

Twilight looked at Pipsqueak, an expression on her face that seemed to ask if he might know something she didn't on that specific matter. Pipsqueak could only shake his head and shrug, causing Twilight to sigh in exasperation.

"Anyway," she said, trotting over to a rather empty shelf, which was an oddity in this library. "Since hardly anypony goes to the library here, though I can't understand why, there's no real limit to how many books somepony can check out. Rainbow Dash has, erm... Used that to her advantage, and checked out every single book in the series save for the first entry so far, Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone, since she actually owns a copy."

"Ah." said Pipsqueak, his eyes scanning the shelves. When he couldn't find what he was looking for at a glance, he turned to the purple-coated mare. "Uhm... Where's the book, Miz Twilight? You said that was th' only one Miz Rainbow didn't check out, right?"

"That would be because I am currently engrossed in the adventures of this 'Daring Do' and her quest for this 'Sapphire Stone'." came the voice of the Lunar Princess. "Though, why it is called the Sapphire Stone, when it is quite clearly an idol of some kind, is beyond me."

Pip could only shrug, having little to no knowledge whatsoever of the inner workings of the literature publishing business. Luna watched the colt, her turquoise orbs catching every subtle movement, every shift, every twitch, and every little hint. Finally, she said something.

"Pip, would you like to read this book with me?" she asked, watching and waiting for his reaction.

Of course, trying to see something that tackle-hugged you at a speed Rainbow Dash herself would be proud of is next to impossible, even for a near-omnipotent pony princess such as herself. Even then, with his diminutive stature and equally as minuscule weight, he only caused the breath to be knocked out of her, the cushion she had been resting on to be pushed nearly an inch from the force of the impact, and even then, she recovered almost instantly, nuzzling the young colt affectionately. With the book held in her magical grasp, she turned to the first page, and began reading through the prologue.

"As Daring Do trekked through the tropical jungle, the wet heat sapped her energy, and slowed her every step. If only she could escape this oppressive atmosphere and fly out into the cool blue sky... But her crash landing had injured her wing, and was grounded for a few days..."

By the time Princess Luna had finished the first chapter, and had started the second one, the sun had begun to set, and Pipsqueak had begun to show signs of succumbing to the sweet, sweet call of slumber, and couldn't help it as she felt her lips curled up into a small smile.

"... And I think we shall stop there for today."

Pip could only lift his head up weakly and moan piteously. "Aww... But it was jus' startin' to get good... I don't... Don't wanna..." he was cut off by a yawn of his own, and a smack of his lips, and moaned weakly as he felt his eyelids droop and grow heavy.

"Seems somepony is rather tired." mused Luna, watching as the young colt valiantly tried to stave off sleep.

"Seems that way." said Twilight in return. "I suppose I should bring him back to Miss Sunshine Smiles, then."

Luna tilted her head quizzically. "Who?" she asked, unable to recall anypony by such a name since her last visit to Ponyville.

"She's the mare that runs the local orphanage in town, Princess." said Twilight simply, only for her mouth to form a small "o" shape as she watched Luna's expression of surprise shift into one of horror.

"You didn't know..." she said, her pupils shrinking to the size of pinpricks for a few moments before returning to their previous size. "Oh Princess Luna, I'm sorry, I thought you knew..."

Princess Luna could only respond with a slow shake of her head. The last time she had seen Pipsqueak was during Nightmare Night, and though he appeared well fed, his costume, if you could call it that, was... ratty at best, and were borderline rags at worst. At first, she attributed the rattiness to the authenticity of the pirate costume he had been wearing at the time, but now, with this revelation... Things seemed to take on a whole new light.

Wordlessly, she rose to her hooves, and made her way to the door, her lips pursed in a tight line.

"Princess Luna? Are you okay?" asked Twilight, worry evident in her voice.

"We shall be fine, Twilight Sparkle. It is young Pipsqueak that we worry for. Now if you'll excuse us, we have duties to attend to."

Twilight Sparkle said nothing as she watched the Lunar Princess turn into a purplish mist and seep through the cracks in the library's oddly constructed door, walking to a window, watching as the moon rose in tandem with the sun's setting, the sky turning from a glorious golden-orange hue to a deep blue, the stars twinkling as the shroud of nightfall descended.

Turning back to the young colt that had fallen asleep next to where Luna had been sitting moments before, she called out for her diminutive draconic assistant to help prepare the guest bed for Pipsqueak back at her castle.

Though the moon had indeed risen for the night and the stars had come out to play across the night sky, Luna did not return to her chambers in Canterlot. The revelation that Pipsqueak had no parents to speak of... it dumbfounded her. How could such a bright young lad be deprived of a mother and father? It made no sense! Still in her misty state, Luna glided through the skies of Ponyville, dipping low to read the signs of any buildings she thought to be the orphanage Twilight had spoken of. Finally, she happened across a rather old looking house situated on the outskirts of the town, with a large sign hammered into the ground in front of the fenced in plot of land. Solidifying her form and brushing aside the crumbly moss and fungi that had accumulated on the aged wood, Luna's eyes widened ever so slightly as she observed the sign, reading the words upon it.

"Sunshine Smiles' Orphanage" stated the sign in faded, bold lettering, the individual letters shaped oddly due to the ink fading in some places, and not others. With a deep breath, Luna once more assumed a misty state, and passed through the rusted iron bars of the fence, creeping around the windows. In her ethereal state, she saw into a large space where there were several beds fitted with stained, moth-eaten, or torn sheets, with foals of varying ages curled up in blankets that were no worse for the wear, Pipsqueak among them. Seeping through the cracks in one of the windows, Luna began exploring the orphanage itself, finding empty rooms once meant to house ponies now dedicated to storing all kinds of foodstuffs, or donated clothing, or even toys that were unfortunately in various states of disrepair.

Eventually, she happened upon the room that the eponymous Sunshine Smiles herself slept in, and rather than find some mare in a richly decorated room with various baubles set hither and thither, she found a mare that seemed to be as old as Granny Smith Apple sleeping upon an old, wooden bed that seemed to be in no better condition than the rest of the house. It was quite clear that this single mare was the sole caretaker of the many fillies and colts under her roof, doing the work of ten ponies, when it was clear her body would have trouble handling the work of just one pony. Luna sighed, an action that seemed to summon forth a gust of wind that rattled against the windows of this dilapidated dwelling, and left this depressing home, if it could even be called that. In her smokelike form, she headed towards Canterlot. This investigation gave her a lot to think about, and she intended to use every second of moonlight to do just that.

It had been two days since her nighttime excursion, and now, Luna was situated in a creaky old chair opposite the elderly pony; a Lunar Guard on either side of her, with the old shaky mare sitting behind a wooden desk that looked to be as old as the Lunar Princess herself.

"Princess... Are you sure about this? This is just so... out of the blue..." said Sunshine Smiles, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, and as round as them as well, as she eyed the large bag of Bits that had been set in front of her, each piece meticulously counted and tested for authenticity, the total amount counting up to be around one hundred thousand bits, give or take.

"I'm positive." stated Luna, with such finality, such conviction, that there seemed to be no more room for any arguments whatsoever.

Sunshine Smiles held a wrinkly hoof to her forehead, fluttered her wings that had been weakened with age, and sighed.

"I suppose there's nothing that can be done, then;" she said. "But are you sure? You come in here with all of this money, tell me to hire somepony--"

"Some ponies." Luna interjected, only to shrink slightly under the ornery gaze of the grizzled old mare.

"Some ponies, then." she amended. "... To not only clean this place up, and fix all of... this?" she finished, gesturing all around her.

"Not just fix," said Luna, a smile on her face. "Make better."

Sunshine Smiles chuckled, shaking her head, and looked at Luna, right in her eyes.

"You know, when I was a filly, I heard all kinds of stories of the Mare in the Moon, who would eat you if you misbehaved, or would watch you suffer in your nightmares, but to see you do such a selfless, and generous thing such as this..." she trailed off, dabbing an eye with the shawl that was draped around her shoulders. "Just... Bless you, Princess. Bless you."

She took a deep breath, and removed the reading glasses that had been perched on her snout.

"Now, are you sure about... him, Princess? I mean, I'm not against it, in fact, I'm all for him finding a loving home, but why him specifically?" she asked, eyeing Luna inquisitively.

Luna sighed, her eyes glazing over as she had recalled the feelings that had been swirling about within her as she mulled over what she would do on this day. She sighed, and folded her ears back, a sort of loneliness reflected in her eyes.

"When I see him... When I see young Pipsqueak..." she began, her voice shaky, her heart trembling, and yet, her body sat firm, not budging an inch. "I can't help but worry for him. I can't help but care for him. I look at him and his honest, smiling face, and I don't just see somepony that needs a home, I see a piece of myself that I hadn't even known I'd been missing. When I hear of his suffering, I cry with him, even when he will not. When I see his smiling face, I feel the joy that fills both of our hearts. I want to help him grow, Miss Smiles. I really, truly do. I want to help give him the life he needs; a life he cannot have stuck in here."

Luna cast her head down, a pitiful attempt to hide the tears that had begun to well up in her eyes. "Please..." she croaked out, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

Feeling a hoof resting upon her own, she blinked away her tears, face to face with the elderly mare, looking at her with the eyes of somepony who had been a mother once, long ago.

"It's okay, dear... I understand." she said, a tenderness and soothing quality in her voice that hadn't been there before. "Now, let's get those papers in order, shall we?"

Pip had left school once again, though, this time, there were no books to deliver, and Miss Honeydew had been back since yesterday. He briefly pondered visiting the Ponyville Arcade, until he was shaken out of his train of thought as he collided with the leg of a rather impressive, and intimidating pair of stallions with batlike wings, wearing wicked looking purple armor; armor that he recognized as belonging to two of Princess Luna's Night Guards.

"Are you Pipsqueak?" came the gruff voice of one of them.

"Y-yes?" was the colt's hesitant reply.

"Come with us." came the voice of the other guard. It was just as gruff, though it seemed higher in pitch, if only slightly.

Pip wasn't sure what compelled him to ask, but still, he spoke, unable to stop his legs from shaking. "W-w-why?" he squeaked out, unable to keep the tremors out of his voice.

His answer came in the form of Princess Luna's chariot rolling into view, being pulled by two more Lunar Guards, Luna herself sitting in it.

"Because I've found you a home, Pipsqueak." she said, smiling.

"What? Where?" Pipsqueaks ears drooped. A new home? To him, that usually meant he'd be transferred to another orphanage. He didn't want to go, not when he'd made all sorts of friends here!

"Why, Canterlot Castle, of course. You're coming to live with me!" Luna could not contain the joy in her tone, nor did she make any attempt to. Pipsqueak, along with every pony within earshot of her declaration went wide-eyed, and leaned on the nearest wall or post for support, and almost simultaneously, a deafening cry sounded out, one that could be heard all the way in Canterlot; a single word that acurately summed up the absurdity of the whole situation. A single word that caused Princess Celestia to spew out the tea she had been sipping seconds earlier in surprise, looking around frantically for the source of the noise. A word, that for a split second, caused a certain walleyed mailmare to see straight for the first time in a long while, just in time to avoid dropping a particularly heavy parcel upon a passing blue unicorn mare dressed in a garish purple cloak and hat.

"WHAAAAAAT?!"

Chapter 1 - A Royal Pain

- Chapter 1 -
"A Royal Pain"
or
"The part wherein Pipsqueak tours the castle. "
<><><><><>

Pipsqueak hadn't been expecting Princess Luna to say what she did. He also never expected to experience what it was like to ride in a Pegasi-led chariot, flying through the skies of Equestria. Rather, he would have had the full experience… if he wasn't clinging to Luna for dear life. Though, to be fair, she did tell him not to look over the edge of the chariot while it was in motion. Of course, with a young foal's selective hearing, and reverse psychology working its wicked magic, Pip peeked over the edge, and found himself regretting it soon afterwards.

Luna looked down at the young colt that was so desperately clinging to her foreleg, his body shivering and his teeth chattering, and wrapped a wing around his body.

"Are you okay, Pipsqueak?" she asked, her bluish-green eyes alight with concern and worry for her adoptive son.

"Y-y-yeah, 'm fine. Jus' a little c-cold, I 'spose…" lied Pipsqueak, barely able to suppress his chattering. He couldn't tell her that he went and peeked over the edge when she had explicitly told him not to; that'd be suicide! Luna's response was to simply wrap more of her wing around the colt, and nuzzle him, which, oddly enough, quelled his shivering and quieted his chattering teeth.

"Better?" she asked, with an ice-meltingly warm smile resting upon her face.

Pipsqueak nodded; a sort of… warmth spreading throughout his body. He wasn't sure if the Princess used some kind of fancy alicorn magic or what, but whatever this feeling was, he liked it. Pip turned his attention forward, watching as Canterlot Castle came into view, its golden spires gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. The chariot circled around one of its many towers, and slowed down until it eventually came to a stop on a terrace of some kind.

"We're here, Pip. Welcome to your new home." said Luna, sweeping a foreleg out and gesturing to the entire castle.

Pipsqueak’s mouth formed a little "o" shape as he gazed all around him. He was going to be living here? The thought of such a thing was amazing in its own way, and yet...

Luna could see that Pipsqueak was clearly disappointed in something, but what was it? Did he want to ride around in the chariot some more? Did he want to meet the staff?

"What’s wrong, Pip? I thought you'd be excited?" she asked, nudging him with her nose.

At first, Pipsqueak said nothing, instead choosing to squirm uncomfortably under his adoptive mother's gaze.

"Well…" he said, finally. "It's just that… I'm grateful for this, really, I am, but…"

"'But' what? I didn't do something wrong, did I? Oh dear…" moaned Luna, pressing two glittery, shoed hooves to her forehead. "How shortsighted of us! Fool! We are an utter fool!"

Pipsqueak blinked. Seeing the Princess act like this, it unsettled him. But what really didn't sit well with him was how she thought of herself as a fool, acting as though this… gift she had given him was a mistake. A MISTAKE. He wouldn't have ANY of that, no sir!

"No way!" he cried, attempting to wrap himself around Luna’s midsection in what was meant to be a hug to calm her down. "Ya did NOTHIN' wrong, Princess! It's just…"

He sighed; it was hard trying to turn what he was feeling in his head into words in his mouth sometimes. “"t's gonna be tough, havin' to get used to living in a new place with no friends again… I had a lot of friends in Ponyville… and I dunno if I can handle bein' in one of those fancy Canterlot schools, y'know?"

"I know," said Luna, embracing the colt, his hug having done its job. "Still… I'm sorry. I'll find a way to make it up to you, I promise."

"Thanks, Princess." was Pipsqueak's reply.

Luna suppressed the urge to sigh. Princess, he'd said. Not "Mother", not "Mom", or even "Mommy", just "Princess". On one hoof, she had expected this; after all, she only adopted him today, but still… It gnawed at her. What would it take for him to see her as a mother, and not just a Princess? She would have thought on the matter further, had she not heard the hoofsteps of her dearest sister drawing nearer.

"Celestia!" she called out, forgetting her own troubles, and smiling at the timely arrival of her dear older sister, and waving her over to where she and Pip were. "Come, sister; meet your new nephew, Pipsqueak!"

Pipsqueak blinked, and turned around to come face to face, or rather face to hoof with the older of the Pony Princesses, Celestia.

"So you're the colt that my dear sister is so taken with… Your name is Pipsqueak, correct?" she said, her pastel mane flowing majestically, as was her sister’s mane, despite a simple breeze being the only thing blowing throughout the area. Pipsqueak could only nod in response. Despite there being practically nothing to worry about, Pip found himself worrying anyway… At least until Celestia smiled the most radiant… Well, second most radiant smile he'd ever seen. Princess Luna's was better. But then again, he was probably biased.

Probably.

Within minutes, Pipsqueak found himself wandering through the halls of Canterlot Castle, Celestia and Luna trailing behind him, talking amongst themselves as he became lost in his exploration of the hallway, entranced by the many display pieces and various baubles that decorated the walls before him.

"I know I asked you this before, Luna, but… Are you sure?" asked Celestia, looking from Luna, to Pip, who was busy admiring an antique set of armor adorning a ponnequin, a matching spear leaning upright against the ponnequin's right foreleg, with a round shield loosely strapped to it’s other one.

"Like I said before, Tia, I am sure." Replied Luna, her eyes locked with that of her sister’s, but only for a moment, as an ear flicked, and her pupils shrank, and her head whipped around to find Pipsqueak’s hooves reaching out to touch the ancient bronze shield.

"Pip, be careful with that!" she said her voice fraught with worry.

No sooner has she said that, had his hooves made contact with the shield, had the very same shield come undone, falling to the floor with a metallic clang, the loud noise causing the poor colt to backpedal right into the ponnequin, bumping into the spear and knocking it loose, the tip landing inches from his nose. Now frightened beyond all belief, Pipsqueak backed up into the ponnequin itself, causing the entire thing to shudder, and fall on top of him, or almost fall on top of him, as the armor clad figure was wreathed in a purplish aura, the blank, featureless face inches from his own.

"Pip, are you alright?!" she asked frantically, running immediately to the colt’s side, even as she effortlessly returned the ponnequin and its equipment to their rightful places.

"Y-yeah… I'm sorry about that; I didn't mean to knock it over, M… Princess… I’m real sorry." was his shaky reply, his stubby legs clinging onto Luna’s foreleg for dear life, if only for a moment.

When Pipsqueak released his death-grip upon her leg, and only when he wasn't facing her direction, did she rub at where he had been squeezing. That colt had one heck of a grip. But that wasn't what bothered her. Pip had almost called her something, yet he corrected himself and once again called her "Princess". Why?

Luna's distress had not gone unnoticed by her sister, who draped a grand, white wing over her sister’s comparatively smaller body.

"Give him time, sister." She said, smiling. "It took you a while to adjust to stop using the 'Royal We' in casual conversation after all, didn’t it?"

A sheepish nod was Luna’s reply, whose cheeks were pink with embarrassment. Truth be told, even though she had made leaps and bounds in terms of progress on that matter, there were times when she would slip back into the old tongues, particularly when she would let her emotions get to her.

"I just want to make him feel welcome, Tia." She said, watching as Pipsqueak wandered ahead once again; his hoofsteps were slower, more careful. Clearly, that little scare had taught him to simply observe his surroundings for now. Of course, that didn't exactly mean Pipsqueak was being all that observant, hence his untimely collision with a certain stallion, whose coat was as white and as pristine as freshly fallen snow, his mane like woven gold, and his personality…

"Who in Equestria let this… Brat into the castle? Guards… GUARDS!"

Well, let's just say it left something to be desired.

"Prince Blueblood." said Luna; though the way it was said made it seem more like a statement rather than an acknowledgement of his presence. "You are not to call the guards on him. I brought him here myself."

Luna narrowed her eyes at him; Ever since she had first met Celestia's "nephew", she'd held an incredible dislike for him. Even she could tell that her dearest sister, for all her poise, patience, and grace, could hardly stand the stallion herself. He was a prime example of the kind of nobles that the common pony detested. Oh sure, he could be polite, almost gentlecoltly so, well spoken, and had a razor sharp wit, but these gifts of his were often used to further his own agendas, instead of benefitting his country. Such a waste, really.

Blueblood blinked. Had he heard his other aunt correctly? He looked from the Princess to the colt that had scrambled to his hooves and retreated behind Luna, then back to Luna once more. He then pressed both of his forehooves to his cheeks, and his mouth hung agape.

"Princess Luna… Cavorting with the lower class?! With foals, no less! Oh by my Auntie's divine flank, how criminal!" he then stood upon his hind legs, and leaned upon a wall for support.

Pip blinked. What Blueblood had said flew over his head, his adolescent mind rendering the rest of it unintelligible once the first fancy word was spoken. He looked to Luna, whose face had taken on the color of a tomato, and her irises had shrunken to pinpricks.

"You… You…" choked out the mare, trembling with rage. Celestia pulled Pipsqueak aside, holding her hooves to his ears, and obscuring his vision with her wings. Some things were not meant for mortal eyes, especially one of Luna's Category Five temper tantrums.

"You… Insipid… Ignorant… IMBECILE!" she screamed, conjuring a gust of wind as she unleashed the full force of the Royal Canterlot Voice upon the hapless prince. "To accuse us of such lies is unforgivable! 'Tis utterly outrageous! To accuse us of such relations with our own SON! Have you not even a single shred of common sense within that empty skull of yours, you dullard? Answer us!"

Blueblood, unfortunately, could only fall upon his haunches, his flaxen hair disheveled by the gale force winds brought by Luna's tirade, his mouth opening and closing as though he were a fish gasping for breath, shivering uncontrollably. Finally, he found the strength to speak.

"S-son?!" he screeched, before falling backwards, slipping into unconsciousness.

When Luna's breathing had slowed, and she had tucked her wings to her sides once more, only then did Celestia release Pipsqueak, who could only look at the result of the Royal Canterlot Voice being used indoors and let out a low whistle.

"Cor blimey, did a storm blow through 'ere or somethin'? The place is an absolute mess!" he said, oblivious to his adoptive mother's flushed cheeks and slightly scrunched snout, while Celestia struggled to stifle a sudden attack of the giggles at Pipsqueak's statement.

"Something like that, Pipsqueak." She said, holding a wing to her mouth in a poor attempt to hide the smile that was upon her face. Something told her that life at the castle would be a lot more fun now...

Author's Note

You know how this story has that "Comedy" tag? Yeah, I'm going to see if I can't lighten the mood a bit, starting with this chapter. Don't get me wrong, there's going to be a lot more "feels"-provoking content in the future, but for now, let's all point and laugh at Prince Blueblood's misfortune. On another note, I think I'm going to wait a little longer, like maybe two chapters, MAYBE three to introduce Cadence and Shining Armor. Yes, Shining Armor's going to be in the fic, but unfortunately, I could only choose five characters when I was posting the fic.

I know this chapter isn't nearly as long as the prologue was, but I hope you all enjoyed what content there was.

T.O.K out.

Chapter 2 - Mind your Manners

- Chapter 2 -
"Mind your Manners"
or
"The part wherein Blueblood complains. A lot."
<><><><><>

"But Auntieee…" whined Blueblood. "Don't you care about the repercussions this could have? The nobility will cause an uproar once they catch wind of what your sister's done!"

Celestia’s expression didn't change as she listened to her nephew’s complaints. She was sure that they were valid, but for goodness’ sake, it was over a foal! She sighed, putting down a letter from her student, Twilight Sparkle. It wasn't a friendship report, but an actual letter to her; asking her how she had been, and how Luna and Pipsqueak were doing, among other things. She had been enjoying reading through it… At least until her nephew entered her study, unannounced.

"My sister did an admirable thing that day, nephew. If the nobility wishes to complain about Luna donating money to an orphanage in desperate need of staff and repairs, and finding a young colt a loving home, then let them complain." She said, the reading glasses she’d been wearing floating down from her snout to a small table beside the chair she was sitting in. "She's done nothing wrong."

Blueblood sighed. He loved his aunt dearly, but he detested it whenever she was acting stubbornly. Despite her wisdom gained from living such a long life, there were times when she was so… shortsighted.

"The gestures themselves aren't wrong, that much I admit." said Blueblood, shaking his head. "But what matters is the fact she didn't go through the proper protocols, and took the bits from the Treasury’s stores without any given reason! You yourself should know that even princesses need to follow proper protocol!"

Celestia's eyes widened, if only a little. He had a point; Luna tended to act without thinking a lot of the time. It was a trait they both shared, but Celestia managed to learn to suppress those urges, whereas Luna had to catch up on one thousand years worth of royal protocol.

"I’ll be sure to discuss it with her at some point, nephew. Will that be all?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, Auntie. There's still the matter of the foal--" he began straightening his posture.

"Pipsqueak." interjected Celestia, frowning slightly. "His name is Pipsqueak. What of him, Blueblood?"

Blueblood gulped. She used his name. That was never good; that meant her patience was wearing thin.

"Pipsqueak, then." He continued, sweat forming on his brow. "He arrived in the castle only yesterday, and I've reason to believe that adopting him might have been…" he swallowed the lump of air that had formed in his throat; this wasn't going to be easy. "… A mistake." He choked out finally, brushing a strand of hair away from his face.

For a few minutes, Celestia said nothing. She just sat in her chair, gazing at her nephew. She always gave the benefit of the doubt to everypony, with very few exceptions.

"A… mistake, you say? Wouldst thou care to enlighten us?" she asked through clenched teeth. Somewhere in the back of her mind, rather grim images of very nasty things happening to Blueblood not fit to describe on these pages began to dance about in her head, causing her to smile inwardly. It took all she had not to cackle like a madmare, so instead she settled for putting her reading glasses back on, steepling her hooves, and generally looking very menacing.

Blueblood tugged at his collar, partially because he was nervous as heck; Celestia almost NEVER lapsed into using the old royal dialogue, and also because he could swear it had gotten quite a bit warmer in the room just now. He looked to Celestia, and blinked. Was her mane always so… flamelike? It still had the same pastel colors to it, but instead of floating serenely, it seemed to dance and flicker about like a multicolored fire.

"W-well… Not so much a mistake as, well… It just seems like Princess Luna didn't seem to think this through very well." He amended, barely able to keep himself from collapsing from a combination of utter fear for his safety, and heatstroke. Seriously, it was like a furnace in here!

"Not only are his table manners atrocious…" he said, shivering as he recalled the events of that night's dinner. Such a delicious Spinach and Smoked Gouda Quiche, all over the foal's face and plate… and some of the table as well… Sure, Celestia and Luna had laughed at his antics then, but the memory was sickening for him. He sighed, straightened his posture, and forced himself to continue. "He likely has little to no knowledge whatsoever of royal decorum, and could potentially cause an international incident if he should somehow offend a foreign dignitary with his borderline barbaric mannerisms!" he cried, stomping a hoof for emphasis.

Celestia said nothing. What could she say to… that? Blueblood had a point. He had actually made a point. Pip was just a Trottingham-born foal that was raised in a Ponyville-based orphanage. Odds were that he didn't even know how to spell decorum. Still, that didn't excuse her nephew’s approach to the issue.

"Will that be all, nephew?" she asked, rubbing her temples.

"Yes, Auntie; I’ll show myself out now." He said, desperate to escape this ungodly heat.

"Oh, no need, nephew. Please, allow me." replied Celestia; an unnaturally cheery smile upon her face.

Before Blueblood could object, he felt himself being lifted up by a golden aura of magic, and unceremoniously tossed through the doors of his aunt's study, bounced down the spiraling staircase that led up to it, and into a laundry hamper that was thankfully devoid of dirty laundry that was being wheeled along by one of the castle’s homelier maids. Blueblood groaned, every single inch of his body consumed by a dull, aching sort of pain. The maid simply shrugged, dumped the prince out of the hamper, and continued on with her duties. Some things, she learned not to question, and this certainly fell under those kinds of things.

Meanwhile, in the castle’s kitchen…

"CONFOUND THEE, VILE TOASTER OVEN! THOU HAST BLACKENED OUR SON'S LUNCH OF PIZZA BAGELS AND RENDERED THEM INEDIBLE!" screamed Luna at the offending appliance that she held in her hooves. "THOU HAST TURNED OUR FOODSTUFFS INTO CHARCOAL FOR THE LAST TIME! BEGONE!"

And with that, Luna chucked the toaster oven out of the window, smiling as she heard the sound of metal crashing against pavement. Another devilish appliance, vanquished at the hooves of Princess Luna, bane of all things Oven, Toaster, and everything in between! Shaking herself free from the euphoria that her victory over the metal monstrosity had brought, she exited the kitchen, her head held high. As the large double doors swung shut, Pipsqueak’s voice could be heard out in the hallway.

"Cor blimey, Princess; that sounded like a real nasty beastie in there! All that screechin' an' wailin' an' carryin' on…" he said, riding upon the back of his adoptive mother.

Luna chuckled nervously, not having the heart that it was mostly her doing the screeching and wailing and whatnot.

"So…" she began, running a hoof nervously through her ethereal mane. "What do you say we just order some pizza instead? I'd rather not deal with any more kitchen appliances today."

"Can we get th' crust with the cheese stuffed innit? Can we, huh? Can we?" he asked excitedly, his hooves pressing against his smiling face in a manner not unlike a certain rainbow-maned Pegasus.

"Of course; just don't eat too much, or you’ll end up with a tummy ache." replied Luna, prodding the colt’s tummy with her nose, which elicited another giggle.

"Okay, okay; I'll try not to eat too much, Princess." said Pipsqueak; a grin as big as his head plastered onto his face as he swayed to and fro atop his adoptive mother.

Luna sighed; he was still calling her "Princess". Celestia's words echoed in her head as she carried the colt along. She had told her to "give it time", but how much time would it take; a few weeks? Months? Years, even? However, she was distracted by her mental wanderings by a group of whispering maidservants huddled around… something. Whatever that something was, Luna aimed to find out.

"Pardon me, but what is it that you're all so interested in, if I may ask?" asked Luna, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

Whatever it was, the maid that had been holding it held it off to the side in such a way that she couldn't see it.

"N-nothing your majesty!" she stammered out, sweat cascading down her brow. "Nothing that you or young Master Pipsqueak need to concern yourself with! N-not at all!"

Okay, now she was really curious. She craned her head to catch a glimpse of what it was the maid held in her hooves. Unfortunately, the mare was apparently a master at sleight of hoof tricks, and what was on one side in one hoof was now on the opposite side in the other hoof. Luna attempted to catch a glimpse of what it was in her hooves again and again, and was so absorbed into it that she failed to notice that the other maidservants had vacated the area, and Pipsqueak had slipped off of her back. Apparently, the maid with the ninja-like reflexes hadn't noticed either, because Pipsqueak began reading the title of the magazine held in the mare’s hoof.

"Princess Luna… Parent or… Pee-doh-filet? Pedo-feel?" he read, unsure of how to pronounce that word below "Parent" typed out in a white-with-a-black border Impact font. Luna's eyes widened, and as the maid stood there, mouth agape at the young colt, she yanked the magazine out of her hoof with her magic, and read the title.

"Princess Luna… Parent or… or…" she said, trailing off, her face paling as she struggled to get out the next word. "P-p-puh PEDOPHILE?!"

"Ohh… So THAT’S how you pronounce that word…" said Pipsqueak. He blinked, then turned to the maid that held onto the magazine, now frozen to the spot, a look of abject terror affixed to her face.

"What’s a pedophile?" he asked, his shining eyes conveying nothing but innocence. Had the maid not been struck dumb by fear, and Luna not currently trembling with rage and disgust, one of them might have answered. Instead, the maid fainted dead away, and Luna screamed so loudly, so angrily, that the entire world shook. It was a single word that she screamed; a word that once more caused Celestia to spit out her tea in a panic, though she knew the source of the voice, and thus began to make her way down from her study, whilst trampling over a semi-conscious Blueblood, her golden-shoed hooves knocking the poor Prince unconscious once more. This single word was enough to make a certain trickster spirit whose likeness was currently residing somewhere within the royal garden shudder; even it was fearful of the anger present within this word. This word was a word to send an entire Changeling hive all the way out in the Badlands into a frenzy, each of the drones buzzing and chittering confusedly while their queen attempted to calm her subjects. This was a word that made a certain butter yellow pegasus with a rosy pink mane blush fiercely, her face turning red as a tomato. It was a word that caused every parent within Equestria's borders to cover their children’s ears. This word was so violently spoken, so inherently foul, that Celestia herself deigned to interrupt its utterance.

"FUUUUUUUU--"

"Luna! Language!" came Celestia's chastising response as she rounded the stairs.

"Sorry Tia." came Princess Luna's sheepish reply. At the very least she had the foresight to cover Pipsqueak's ears as she let loose her heaven-shaking obscenity. As a result, Pipsqueak came out no worse for the wear for the ordeal, Blueblood was harmed in a physical fashion twice in one day, and several servants within the castle walls and many a guardspony were on edge for the rest of the evening. Pipsqueak and Luna got their pizza, and thus, another day within Canterlot Castle came to an end.

Author's Note

So yeah, Blueblood has valid complaints, Luna breaks stuff, (eardrums among other items on the list...) and Pip's as innocent-ish as ever.

Sorry if the rehashed joke doesn't work for you guys.

Chapter 3 - Castle at Midnight

- Chapter 3 -
"Castle at Midnight"
or
"The part wherein Pipsqueak is scared out of his gourd."
<><><><><>

It was long after Pipsqueak had gone to bed, and the sun had yet to rise, but Luna was far from calm. The admittedly delicious pizza did little to calm her nerves, even after she had consumed two more slices after the kitchen staff had gone to their quarters to sleep. It just boggled the mind. Just what sort of sick, twisted freak would publish such outrageous lies, not only about her and her son, but other ponies as well? It made no sense! None at all!

The offending rag of a magazine was held in a purplish blue aura, Luna not daring to touch such filth. Yet… the more she looked through it, the more she found herself questioning the legitimacy of some of the things discussed within its pages. Things such as the existence of bipedal, furless creatures that had a language all their own, living, breathing ponies made of some sort of viscous, elastic goo… even certain gossip articles, like one that questioned the strength of famous model Fleur de Lis' bond with her husband; the millionaire patron to the arts known as Fancypants, it was all so very wrong, and yet Luna couldn't turn her eyes away.

"Such foul, yet addictive musings… truly, this magazine is the work of the demons of Tartarus!" she exclaimed, thankfully, not with the power of her Royal Canterlot voice, and within the confines of her own chambers.

Elsewhere, in an undisclosed location…

"Not quite, Moonbutt, but you're getting warmer!"

Sitting at a typewriter within a dark, dank cave, surrounded by all kinds of pictures taken at frankly impossible angles, or improbably convenient vantage points, along with stacks upon stacks of papers and scrolls, was a foul creature, typing away, the clack clack clack of claw against key echoing throughout the area. With a snap of his clawed fingers, a drinking glass popped into existence, and he held it under a small waterfall of an opaque, brown liquid, and drank the glass surrounding it with a long, steady sip. As soon as the mass of chocolate milk was tossed it aside, it simply “poofed” out of existence with a second snap of his fingers; no need to destroy his workspace, after all. Hopefully nopony would question why a mountain in the frozen north had an avalanche out of nowhere, and attribute it to nature taking its course.

"Ahhh… Nothing like a little chocolate milk to quench one's thirst…" breathed the creature, his crazed eyes glowing in the dim light of the lamp crafted in his own visage, the source of its power unknown.

Slowly, the beast ceased his typing, and affixed his gaze in a certain direction, an impish smile on his features.

"What? I like to do a little writing on the side. Helps perpetuate chaos in a different way that Twilight and the others can't easily stop, and the pay helps dear Fluttershy with her bills. Freedom of the press and whatnot, you know? Besides, this give me a way to let me have some harmless fun; the only ones that believe tabloid articles are a special kind of stupid, after all."

With that, Discord’s smile grew into a grin, and he returned to his evil machinations that--

"It’s not evil, it’s chaotic. There’s a difference."

Er, right. Anyway, back to the castle…

Pipsqueak lay awake in the large, alien space that was his room. It was only his second night here in his room, and despite sleep coming easily the first night, the second night was the complete opposite. Tonight, there was no energy that had been spent exploring every inch of the castle as his adoptive mother would allow; no excitement from discovering something as he wandered the halls for the first time. Despite having some really good pizza for lunch, it did little to dispel the awkwardness brought on by that article.

It didn't exactly help when Blueblood had given him an explanation as to why the article upset the Princess so, despite the fact he had asked him in the first place. Apparently, there were rumors that she liked to do more than just be friends with colts and fillies, and what that meant, Pipsqueak didn't know, since Blueblood was unusually tight-lipped in regards to the subject. When he had asked why he wouldn't tell him, Blueblood responded by telling him the one thing he absolutely hated to hear from any adult’s mouth.

"You’ll understand when you're older."

Pipsqueak hated those words. He wasn't dumb by any means, and he hated that just because he was a kid, adults assumed he wouldn't understand something. Thus, his irritation at his inability to understand just what was going on, along with his worry for his adoptive parental figure made quite the recipe for insomnia. Brushing aside a lock of his chestnut mane, he tossed aside his covers, smacking his lips as his tiny hooves made a gentle clippity clop against the marbled stone floor. While Pipsqueak didn't really know what the heck was going on, he at least knew one thing; it was late at night, and he was thirsty.

The heavy wooden doors that led into his chambers opened with an agonizingly slow creak, which reverberated throughout the area. Pipsqueak blinked as he stepped out into the moonlit hallway; though he was familiar with this area, since it was where his room was located and whatnot, there was one crucial thing he had forgotten to ask when he had been given a tour of his quarters courtesy of Luna. Just where was the nearest bathroom? He wasn't sure whether he needed to go up or down the hallway, or if he needed to make a right, or take a left… the castle was, simply put; rather confusing to navigate without a map. Trying to do so during the night just made it about twenty percent creepier, which was just the right percentage to make Pipsqueak do a double take for every minute he wandered throughout the halls of the castle.

All in all, the young colt's paranoia didn't help anything when he bumped into what he thought was a ghost. In reality, it was a new recruit in the Castle Patrol that got saddled with the graveyard shift, and was just as superstitious, if not moreso, than Pipsqueak. Both ponies screamed their heads off, banged into walls repeatedly, and took off in opposite directions. In the morning, the unfortunate stallion would find himself docked a week’s pay and relegated to latrine duty… using nothing but a toothbrush to clean the entire castle. Alone.

As for Pipsqueak, the colt ran screaming throughout the shadowy halls of the castle, diving into the first open room he saw… which happened to be Luna's chambers. After managing to calm her spastic son, she had asked him what was wrong. Then she had asked him to slow down so she could understand just what it was he was saying. Once Pipsqueak had explained why he had been running through the halls screaming like a banshee, Luna sighed, shook her head, and held the shivering foal in her embrace, stroking his mane until his shaking ceased.

"There now…" she cooed, cradling the drowsy colt in her forelegs. "If you'd like, you can sleep with us for tonight."

Pipsqueak could only nod and smile tiredly as the adrenaline from running scared through the halls of the castle finally began to wear off, the sudden onset of fatigue, combined with the fact it was way past Pip’s bedtime caused the diminutive colt to yawn in a manner that would have made any lesser mare squee. Nonetheless, it caused Luna’s lips to curve upward in the barest of smiles, all of her willpower being focused on the task of not turning into jelly at the positively adorable sight before her. Wrapping the foal in an indigo aura, she deposited Pipsqueak beneath the covers of her admittedly oversized bed, his brown and white-furred head peeking out from beneath the mass of sheets and blankets. Once Luna was under the covers as well, she gave her surrogate son a peck on the forehead, watching as he nodded off, his eyelids struggling to stay open.

"Goodnight, Pipsqueak." She said, nuzzling the colt’s cheek.

Another yawn escaped Pipsqueak’s mouth, and he smiled, the sweet, sweet call of slumber finally winning out in the end. As he slipped further into blissful unconsciousness, he muttered something, unaware that an alicorn’s hearing was many times greater than that of any normal pony.

"G'night mum…"

That night, a certain sovereign of the moon squee'd, and many a reader died a happy death.

The moon set for the night, morning came, and much to the Princess of the Day's surprise, there was Luna, trotting along with a bounce in her step, with Pipsqueak right behind her, sharing her sister's rather… sunny disposition. Normally, Luna saw mornings as nothing but a nuisance, and would almost literally have to be dragged out of her chambers to begin her daily routines. Whatever had happened last night, which Celestia had somehow slept through, had left her younger sister in such a bright and cheery mood that it was almost out of character for her beloved sister to be acting in this manner.

Finally, curiosity overcame the pastel-maned princess, and she couldn't help but smile as she attempted to get her younger sister's attention.

"Alright Luna, I'll bite; what's got you so giddy this early in the morning? In fact, what got you up so early in the morning in the first place?" she asked, cradling her chin with her hooves, smiling impishly at her dear sister.

Luna's only response was to smile at Celestia, giggling as Pipsqueak attempted to eat his breakfast of Prench Toast and orange juice with some semblance of restraint, holding herself back from outright guffawing as Blueblood made faces at the colt's antics regardless of the fact he was attempting to practice his table manners.

"Let me guess," surmised Celestia, her smile widening. "It has something to do with Pipsqueak?"

Luna nodded fervently, digging into her own plate of Prench Toast with much greater restraint than her adopted son. After swallowing a bite or two, she turned to Celestia, her smile threatening to fall off of her face, crumbs of toast and all.

"He finally said it, Tia!" she said, quietly enough so that only her sister would hear, while Pipsqueak was busy listening to Blueblood's pointers on proper table manners, and correcting his form as he continued eating.

"He did, did he?" replied Celestia, raising an eyebrow. "See, I knew that if you gave it time, it'd happen eventually."

"Yes yes, you were right again, sister." retorted Luna, sticking out her tongue. "Just don't rub thy royal flank in our face about it, alright?"

Celestia chuckled, a look on her face that clearly said 'I wasn't going to do that, but now that you mention it…' Of course, she thought better of it, and simply stuck her tongue out in return, then returned to sipping her cup of morning tea, occasionally lifting her head to see the rather amusing faces her nephew made as he made a valiant effort to teach the former orphan some semblance of table manners. Finally, the frazzled stallion gave up, sighing as he smoothed his mane back into place, watching the foal in front of him eat in such a way that, while it was better than how he was eating mere moments ago, it still made his stomach do all kinds of acrobatics. How both his aunts could stomach such atrocious table manners was beyond him. How they could stand his lack of manners in general was a mystery he cared not to solve. It did not occur to Blueblood that perhaps it was simply because he was a foal, just as he once was.

Okay, perhaps Blueblood was always a pompous twit, even at birth, but that’s beside the point.

While the stallion puzzled and puzzled until his poor puzzler was sore, Pipsqueak had finished his Prench Toast, and guzzled down the last of his orange juice, eager to face a new day in his new home. Trotting up to Luna, he tugged lightly on her flowing mane, his chocolate brown eyes gazing up at her as he asked a completely innocent question.

"So mum, what're we gonna do today?"

That morning, many a pony, both princesses included, were dangerously close to having a cuteness induced heart attack. Not that anypony would blame them, of course.

Author's Note

Wow. Late story is late.

Not much else to say besides I'm sorry, here you go, and OH GOD DON'T HURT ME. Until next chapter, Y'all.

Chapter 4 - Back to School

Author's Note

Alright, before you begin reading, just know that I am incredibly sorry to those of you that still follow this story for making you wait so long. I can't promise the chapters will come quicker, as I, myself, am unsure if I can adhere to such a promise, but I do hope that this chapter will at least make up for the 3/4ths of a year you've all gone without an update to the story. I'll TRY to start updating this story more often, but that's all that I can promise I'll do, and that is to try.

-T.O.K. out.

Chapter 4 - Back to School

- Chapter 4 -
"Back to School"
or
"The part wherein Pipsqueak has to deal with Diamond Tiara."
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"Alright, now you did remember to go to the bathroom, right? It's a long flight by chariot to Ponyville, after all." inquired Luna, nudging Pipsqueak onto one of her less… morbidly decorated chariots. Rather than the mess of spikes that was her chariot from Nightmare Night, it was a chariot similar in build to what Princess Celestia might ride in, except it was predominantly purple with silver trim.

"Yes, mum." replied Pipsqueak for what he felt was the thousandth time, still unable to wipe off the smile upon his face upon waking; today would be his first day back to school, in Ponyville no less! Much to Celestia’s surprise, and to Blueblood’s consternation, Pipsqueak had expressed his wish to continue his schooling in Ponyville, as he did not feel comfortable with the idea of attending any one of the prestigious private schools that his mother would no doubt be able to get him in to.

Although, the poor colt would have to suffer through remembering to wake at the crack of dawn, just as Luna would lower the moon and Celestia would raise the sun. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, in the young colt's mind…) Blueblood had suggested that they start waking him up a week or two before he would start attending school again. So, young Pipsqueak had been greeted by the tired smile of a butterscotch colored Pegasus guard with a blue mane that had the misfortune of dealing with the cranky colt for the first week. For the second week, he was expected to rise on his own, and though he was slow to wake for the first few days, soon enough his body had adjusted to his new sleep schedule and no longer felt tired upon waking.

So, the colt sat next to his mother, struggling to contain his excitement at seeing his schoolmates again. Though he would unfortunately be in a new class, it was a class taught by none other than Miss Cheerilee, whom he was already familiar with. In that class were Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, otherwise known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, a name, though innocent sounding, inexplicably filled the Lunar Diarch with dread, for reasons beyond even her comprehension. Despite having to deal with her son’s excited jabbering, and preventing him from hopping right out of the chariot from his jittering no more than twice, the chariot ride had gone by quicker than Luna had expected.

Luna saw Pipsqueak off, and by "saw him off", she ran through a checklist, oh-so-generously provided by a certain purple-maned alicorn. After double AND triple-checking that he had the supplies he needed, Luna gave him a hug that she was all to hesitant to release him from, relenting only when the bell had sounded. When the door of the schoolhouse closed, Luna released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, and turned to her two ever-faithful Night Guards, who could only offer their Princess a sympathetic smile. In desperate need of a pick-me-up, Luna and her two escorts went to the one place where anything that could turn a frown upside-down was made; Sugarcube Corner, home to Ponyville's finest confections and sugary treats. After being greeted by the always energetic Pinkie Pie, who had stopped jabbering long enough to take the trio’s order, Luna sat down; one guard on either side of her at a table in the corner of the room, politely (but firmly) declining the several offers of tea from Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

Finally, Luna looked to one of her guards, and spoke.

"Why do you think he finally decided to call me 'mom'?" she asked, gazing at the light fixture in the middle of the ceiling.

The guard was vexed. Not only had the question been, quite frankly, out of left field, but he hadn't been a child for ages. No longer could he discern why a child would do the things in the manner they did, no longer could he understand what went through a child’s mind, and that saddened him, if only a little.

"I couldn't say, Your Highness." He said finally. Luna looked at him, in the hopes that perhaps he in fact could, but hung her head in defeat when the guard offered her a noncommittal shrug. Sensing the princess' distress, the other guardspony chose that moment to speak up, in an attempt to lift whatever weight was on the mare's mind.

"Well, whatever the case, Princess… he still called you his mom, right? Shouldn't matter why he did it, because the point is that he did. He sees you as his mother, simple as that." The second guard paused, and laughed sheepishly, running a hoof along the back of his neck. "Eh heh… sorry 'bout that. I was just thinkin' out loud, is all."

"No no… that's quite alright." replied Luna, smiling. He was right, after all; the how and why didn't matter all that much in the face of the fact that he did. He saw her as his mother, and yet she had been so worried that he might not accept her as such had weighed so heavily upon her mind that the act hadn’t completely registered in her mind, as frighteningly adorable as the proclamation had been when he'd actually called her that. She was his mother… his mom; he said so himself. The Princess' smile grew wider, finding great joy in that simple fact. She was brought out of her reverie when Pinkie Pie appeared before the trio, balancing a great big box of doughnuts on her head, her ever-present gleaming grin threatening to split the pink mare's face in half.

"Well looks like I didn't need to bust out any Decorations for a 'Cheer up, Princess!' party after all! Which is kinda sad because I missed an opportunity for a party, but that just means the next time I get to throw a party, I can put twice as much energy into making that party as superly-duperly splendoriffic as possible!" she said, the words practically tumbling out of her mouth. Without missing a beat, the mare continued, not giving Luna or her guards a chance to speak up.

"Let's see here, an order of two dozen doughtnuts, charged to the Royal Accounts by her Royal Mooniness herself. We got four maple bars, four chocolate éclairs, four jelly-filled doughnuts, four chocolate frosted doughnuts with sprinkles, four double chocolate doughnuts, and finally, four Boston Crème doughnuts!" she said, smiling. "WOW that’s a lot of chocolate! I like chocolate too! It’s so sweet and yummy, and mmfrmfmmph!"

Pinkie blinked, realizing that her mouth had two hooves clamped down upon her mouth, preventing her from telling the Princess just how much she loved chocolate, and candy and all sorts of sugary treats in general, the hooves in question belonging to her bosses, the Cakes.

"S-Sorry about that, Your Highness. P-P-Pinkie is… easily excited." stammered out Mr. Cake, laughing nervously.

"No need for apologies, good sir. Miss Pinkie Pie's exuberance is quite entertaining." Replied Luna, the box of doughnuts held in her magical grasp, wreathed in a deep blue aura. Plucking a Boston Crème from the box, she took a bite, and chewed eagerly.

"Mmm… quite delicious." She said, licking a dab of cream from her chin in a rather un-princess-like manner. "It seems Donut Joe has some excellent competition out here in Ponyville."

"You humble us with your words, Princess." said Mrs. Cake, bowing far lower than she probably needed to, an act which Pinkie had tried to mimic, only for her head to meet with the floor. As Pinkie wobbled around, dazed from the impact, Luna could only laugh and shake her head.

"Humble and skilled Pâtissiers, to boot. I'm impressed." said Luna, chuckling softly. "I'm glad I made the right choice in coming here. Alas, I cannot stay, for I must attend to my duties in Canterlot. However, I shall return when school lets out for the day, to pick up my dear Pipsqueak. Perhaps then we shall return for more of your delicious confections."

"Sounds great Princess! How many doughnuts can we put you down for then, huh?" asked Pinkie, her nose pressed to Luna’s, only to be dragged away by both Cakes, who were chuckling nervously, and as Pinkie was being dragged upstairs, she called out to the Princess one last time. "I'll go ahead and bake up an extra special batch for the two of you just in caaaaaaaase…!"

With that out of the way, Luna and her Night Guards returned to the chariot outside, readying themselves to return to Canterlot for a while longer, then it was back to Ponyville for Luna, so she could pick up Pipsqueak. As the chariot flew through the skies of Equestria, her mental promise to save some doughnuts for Celestia seemed harder and harder to keep with every passing second…

"Just one more doughnut couldn't hurt… Right?"

Several miles away from Princess Luna and her increasingly difficult battle against temptation, Pipsqueak had run into a spot of trouble, as it were. Many a foal in Ponyville Elementary knew of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, and the wicked reputation they carried, so why in the world were those two being so nice to him? It made even less sense because all of the other times that he had interacted with the two fillies, they treated him as less than the dirt under their hooves. Deciding that clamming up all clam-like would get him nowhere, he decided to speak up.

"Pardon me, ladies, but if I may ask somethin' of the two of you… What's the deal?" he said, tilting his head to the side, his poor little puzzler working overtime. "Normally, you two wouldn't even breathe in my direction, on account'a me bein' a blank flank an' all. So what gives?"

Diamond Tiara let out a nasally, condescending laugh, which seemed to be the only sort of laugh she could make, and tossed her mane aside, an action which her friend Silver Spoon hastily mimicked, only to stumble as she struggled to keep her glasses from flying off of her snout.

"Us? Tease you? Psshhh… Don’t be silly, Pumpernickel!" she said, giving him the smarmiest smile she could manage.

"Pipsqueak." He returned flatly, a slight frown forming on his features.

"Right, Pipbuck. That's what I said." replied Diamond Tiara, not missing a beat, only causing Pipsqueak's frown to deepen. "Anyway, why don't you come and play with us for a while? I'm sure Silver Spoon and I would be able to show you a much better time than any of these foals on the playground."

Pipsqueak pondered on their offer as he gazed about the playground. Fillies and colts were playing hopscotch, jump-rope, going on wild imaginary adventures with the play structures, while the most fun one could expect from the two fillies hounding him was a tea party. Just because he was from Trottingham didn't mean he liked tea, after all. That's just so darn stereotypical!

"As riveting as it would be to enjoy a spot of tea with the two of you, I'm afraid I must decline. Those three look like they're having a far more enjoyable time on that rocket-ship over there." He said, pointing in the direction of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who could be seen laughing and playing on the jungle gym. Diamond Tiara could only look on in horror (and Silver Spoon in mild surprise) as Pipsqueak made it clear he did NOT want to play with the both of them. One could literally count down to the point where she would inevitably burst… which was right about now.

"What?!" she screeched, shoving her snout against Pipsqueak's, her eyes the size of pinpricks. "You're telling me, Diamond Dazzle Tiara, that you'd rather hang out with those no-name, no-talent BLANK FLANK losers, the Cutie Mark Crusaders over us?!"

"Well… yeah." said Pipsqueak, shrugging. "And it's not so much that I'd rather play with them over the both of you… I'd rather play with them over just you, Diamond Tiara. You're not exactly the nicest filly in school, not to mention you bully your own friend into doin' what you want to do, which isn't how friends should act." If that wasn't enough to get the filly red in the face, what Pipsqueak said next probably was.

"… Not to mention, yer bein' a bit hypocritical, what with sayin' you'd like ta play with me, even though I'm a blank flank, even though you hate th' Crusaders fer th' same reason. I can't help but think you've got one of them… ulterior motives or whatever ya call 'em, or somethin' like that." he said, scratching his head. "Point is that yes, I'd rather hang out with th' Crusaders over you."

As Pipsqueak ran off to join the three fillies in their spacefaring adventures, Diamond Tiara stood there, an expression of absolute rage on her face. Silver Spoon, sensing an inevitable meltdown, wisely backed away (to the other side of the schoolyard) before the ensuing eruption.

"Miss Cheerilee-heee-hee-HEEeee!" she half-screeched and half blubbered, tears streaming down her face. Pipsqueak could only look on from the jungle gym, a sinking sensation forming in the pit of his stomach.

"Cor blimey. I just didn't want to play with her. Didn't think she'd take it so hard…"

As a matter of fact, Diamond Tiara hadn't taken it as hard as Pip had theorized. Despite her initial plan of getting in cozy with the newest Prince of Equestria failing miserably, she could always get his blank little flank in trouble. Work up some tears, make her voice sound whiny (Well, no more than usual…) and complain to the biggest softie in the whole school, who just so happens to be her teacher, and presto, one little prince in TONS of trouble.

… Or so she thought. Rather than take the side of the crying filly, she had asked Pipsqueak for his side of the story, and even brought in witnesses, including the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and even her own best friend, Silver Spoon! That momentary spark of hope for Diamond Tiara was immediately and thoroughly dashed when the filly that she thought was her friend had testified against her, further implicating her as the one who was truly in the wrong. Not only had she admitted to Diamond Tiara's constant attempts to bully her into doing what she wanted, she also told Cheerilee and the others of the time when she threatened to not be her friend anymore during one of the few times Silver Spoon had suggested she and the Crusaders play together.

While that "dumb blank-flank wannabe prince" as she referred to Pipsqueak in her mind, only got off with a verbal warning, she had to stay inside for the remainder of recess, and write "Coercion is not the right way to make or keep friends." on the blackboard twenty times! By the time she was finally finished, not even one minute was left of recess, and no sooner had she stepped outside had the bell rung, and she begrudgingly shuffled back inside, having been thoroughly humiliated. Throughout the rest of the day, not a single foal would even bother to glance in her direction, not even her former best friend, Silver Spoon. When the bell that signaled the end of the school day finally rang, she was all too glad to finally be out of there. This day, Pipsqueak had made a terrible enemy. Nopony crossed Diamond Dazzle Tiara, NOPONY!

Of course, the young pinto colt was blissfully unaware of said filly’s declaration of antagonism towards him, as he busied himself by playing with the Crusaders as he waited for his mother to arrive. When Luna eventually arrived in Ponyville for the second time that day, she had come to find her son coated in sap, along with a variety of foliage and twigs. Of course, despite his "sticky situation", he looked positively giddy as he showed off his brand new (and miraculously unharmed) red cape, marking him as the newest member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and had the prestigious honor of being the first male Crusader to be inducted in their ranks, and appointed the leader of the Canterlot branch of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Of course, upon returning to the castle, and eventually into Blueblood's line of sight, the stallion fainted then and there upon seeing Pipsqueak in such a dirty and disheveled state. Despite the novelty in seeing Blueblood react like a mare would to a mouse in her kitchen, Pipsqueak did need a bath, lest he start sticking to the expensive curtains in the halls. As Luna took it upon herself to bathe Pipsqueak on her own, much to the consternation of the castle hoofmaidens who simply wished to do their duty, and perhaps have some innocent bathtime fun with the young prince.

I'll give you all a moment to get your minds out of the gutter…

…

Are you done?

Okay, good. Let's continue, shall we?

Anyway, once Pipsqueak's bathtime was finished, and both Luna and the young colt dried themselves off following an impromptu water fight that quickly escalated into an all-out war, which was cut short by a sharply worded lecture by Kibitz, one of Celestia's oldest and wisest advisors, sufficiently cowing the both of them. Eventually, the sun had set, and the moon had risen, and it was time for dinner. Pipsqueak ate his Fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli with as much gusto as possible without completely grossing out Blueblood, who managed to keep a straight face as he watched Pipsqueak devour his meal, for once. Luna listened attentively as the young colt recounted his day, making a mental note to keep an eye upon this Diamond Tiara and her dreams, especially if she held animosity towards her son. Celestia simply gave her sister a look that said "I know your heart is in the right place, but please try not to go overboard…"

Luna simply shrugged, and resumed eating her dinner, trying and failing at suppressing a chuckle as Pipsqueak elaborated on the events that led up to his sap-related accident, whereas Celestia openly laughed, and Blueblood came dangerously close to cracking a smile at the absurdity of it all. Even old Kibitz, as stoic as the mustachioed stallion was, chortled heartily as Pipsqueak told his story regarding the Crusaders' latest attempt to earn their Cutie Marks that he had involved himself with, and his animated approach to storytelling. With their bellies full, and cheeks colored from laughter, dinner had ended on a high note for both Luna and Pipsqueak. Once Pipsqueak was put to bed, Luna kissed her son on the forehead, and quietly closed the door behind her. Making sure nopony was watching, her horn began to emit a soft blue glow…

Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, all was peaceful in the slumbering hamlet… for a few more seconds, anyway. A piercing shriek resounded throughout the area, followed by loud, hiccupping sobs, a trembling filly's voice telling her father of a nightmare, involving the dreaded Nightmare Moon gobbling the poor filly’s flanks, leaving them bare, and legions of faceless ponies calling her a "blank flank' and a 'talentless nobody'. It was roughly an hour before the filly’s concerns were assuaged, and her mind put at ease by her beleaguered, half-asleep father.

Luna opened her eyes, the glow of her horn finally dimming. Chuckling softly, she continued down the hall to her quarters, a slight spring in her step.

'There,' she thought. 'Perhaps that will scare her straight.'

Chapter 5 - Karma

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