My name is Slicer Blue. I've been told many things throughout my life. Most of which aren't exactly encouraging. I was born in Manehatten with my mom. I don't have any brothers or sisters. I've heard things about having siblings. That most of the time, siblings fight for most of their lives. My mom could never handle that. Seeing as it's just her, I don't think she'd ever want to try. I don't know my dad. I've asked about him, but my mom said she doesn't ever want to think about him. She never tells me anything. I don't even know what he looks like. She has no pictures of him, or anything.
I was considered the annoying kid in school. When I talked, or answered a question, especially if I got it wrong, I'd insist I was right, or something like that. Sometimes, I'd get annoyed more than anyone else would apparently. I don't know how, but my voice just seemed to make some people mad. I once tried to make a friend. A colt that sat near me. I talked to him at lunch. I asked him about his favorite things, or what he likes to do or something like that. He seemed to not like answering the more I asked.
"You ask too many annoying questions." He said, and then went to another seat. Leaving me alone, just as it was the days before. It hurt a little. It's the first time I tried to talk to anyone freely. We had group work sometimes in school, but I was always quiet. If I did happen to speak up, I'd get pushed aside, or shunned. If I needed to write something I just wrote it down. I hated group projects in school. The teachers always told you to do "Peer review." Where you were "scored" on communication, and team work, participating and what not. I always got an B or A for on task, but everything else was bad. Every now and then some ponies would be generous and give me an A on everything. One in particular. She was a filly with pretty pink hair. Her name was Redheart. I met her around 5th grade actually.
I guess she felt for me a little, even though she didn't know me at all.. At least she was nice. I once talked to her. I asked her about her day, and how it was going.
"Hi, Redheart." I'd say out of nowhere.
"Oh, hi Slicer." She responded. She said, as if she was unexcited.
"How is your day so far?" I asked. I tried to be enthusiastic about things.
"Fine, I guess." She responded. "Hey, um, I gotta go, okay?"
"Um....Okay..." I said. She dashed off. I'm not sure what just happened. I wanted to talk to her, and maybe become her friend. It feels like what happened in 3rd grade, at lunch. I've tried to become friends with two ponies so far in my life, and I still haven't been successful How do all these other ponies make so many friends in so little time? Am I cursed? What am I doing wrong? Why does everypony seem to hate me so much?
That day was over. At least I can go home. I'll just have to play some video games to pass the rest of the day. It's all I ever really had to do. I didn't ever go outside. Why would I? I don't have any friends to "play tag" with, or have "imaginary adventures" with.
I walked inside my front door, to my crummy, dirty house. My mom is lazy. Most of the time she tells me to clean everything. I usually do, because I have to. She's my mom. It's also been getting dirtier, and dirtier lately too. She''s been getting beer and alcohol a lot recently. She leaves it everywhere, and gets really mad at me for what seems like no reason when I come home from school. Today was one of those days unfortunately.
"SLICER!" She yelled. Aw great...
"Yes, mom?" I called.
"Get over here." I walked nervously into the living room where my mom was. I saw her bright blue coat, and pure black mane which was all messy. Her eyes looked tired, and red,
"What is it?" I asked.
"I'm gonna be gone tonight, so I want you to get to bed and all that...stuff." She must be really drunk. It's only 3:30.
I saw a glass bottle with clear liquid that she was holding with her hoof.. It was about half full, so it must not take much.
"Okay..." I responded.
"Do your homework!" She yelled, I guess changing the subject.
"Can't I do it a little later?" I asked.
"Don't raise your voice at me!!" She yelled. I wasn't yelling. In fact, I was almost quiet.
"I'm not yelling mom!" I said a little louder.
"Don't talk back to me!" She came closer and hit me across my face with her hoof, and fell down. I ran to my room. Unfortunately, this happens a lot. Usually she has a lot of beer, or something. I wonder what that other stuff was. Usually it takes awhile for her to hit me. I locked my door, and turned on my game system.
I tried to forget about being hit. Usually the pain goes away in about twenty minutes or so. I put in a game and grabbed my controller. I hope mom doesn't hate me. I feel like she does a lot. Some days she's nice, and caring, but most days she's drunk, and mean. Maybe my dad didn't like her, or something.
When I play a game after a day like this, I usually don't pay attention to the game half the time, and just get lost in my own thoughts. My brain is all I ever have. I do wish I had a friend though. It could make things easier.
I went through 5th grade. And I was now going to experience my first year in 6th grade. I wasn't excited at all. I didn't want to go at all. It would at least get me away from my mom. She's getting worse. I have no idea why. She doesn't tell me anything. I stopped asking, but still, a few details here and there would be a huge help.
I walked into my class. The teacher explained that there wasn't assigned seats, so I sat in the very back. The last seat in the far right corner. Hopefully no one would notice me. I got there early so no one would have to see me come in. Knowing me, I don't think anyone would want to meet me anyway, based off of elementary school.
As ponies came into the room, the seats had to bee filled up that were close to me. My stomach twisted into knots each time another pony came in. I tried my best to see if the person looked nice or mean. It wouldn't matter, but just in case, I did anyway. I wanted to be able to observe how much I think those people would hate me.
One pony came in that caught my attention immediately. A very pretty filly with a pure white coat, and pink mane. Redheart. She got her cutie mark. It's a red cross. If I remember correctly, I think that means medical, or hospital or something. I'm not sure what my cutie mark would be. Probably nothing special.
"Alright, class, I'm going to hand out this sheet of paper to each of you." The teacher spoke up. She began to give out a stack of paper to each row to be passed back. "This is a 'get to know me' activity. You'll talk to each of your new classmates and see what you guys have in common." I panicked. No....No one must talk to me. I don't want to be hated on the first day. I don't want to annoy people already. I never know how, or why ponies get annoyed by me, so I have to avoid it all together.
I bit my hoof a little, trying to think of a plan. I got my pencil, and wrote "sorry I don't talk" with my mouth on the back of the sheet of paper.
Some ponies would greet me. Nicely too. That's surprising. The twenty or so ponies who were in my class either didn't come up to me, or at least treated me somewhat like I had feelings. But they read the sign, and walked away either confused, or just said 'ookkay..." It was good enough.
"Now we're going to introduce ourselves." The teacher spoke up. Come on! Can I get a break? "Let's start over on this row, going down." She pointed to my row. I'd have to stand up as soon as the 5 ponies in front of me did. I panicked, and tapped my hoof faster, and more nervously as each pony finished their introduction of "my name is _____, I like ______ and I'm from _______Elementary."
She finally got to me. I didn't stand up. I shook my head "no" and a colt spoke up.
"He doesn't talk." He said.
"Do you know him or something?" The teacher asked curiously.
"No, but that's what's written on his activity paper." He replied.
The teacher walked over to me. She saw my paper that was flipped over which said "Sorry I don't talk" written on it.
"Can you come with me for a second please?" She asked. I followed her as I walked out of the class. I saw Redheart's face. She was in front. I saw her, and she saw me. I jerked my head forward as i trotted outside. She took a few steps past a couple lockers.
"Why aren't you talking?" She asked. "That wasn't written when you were signed up."
"I don't want to talk..." I muttered.
"Why not?" She asked me.
"Nopony really likes to hear me talk." I responded.
"Why not?" She asked. I don't see why she cared so much. But I kept talking.
"Because people hate my voice. They hate the questions I ask them, they hate me overall. So I just don't want to bother anyone. I'd like to not be the most hated colt in school this year."
"I'm sure it's not that bad." She tried to tell me. Like she knows. I know she's trying to be nice, but she should stop. I don't like talking. What's wrong with that?
"You have to participate." She said.
"WHY?!" I seemed to yell.
"Because, it's part of your grade." She replied.
She brought me back in. and I sat down at my desk. I could hear one pony mutter, "I guess he does talk." A couple others giggled. I'm already a target. This is gonna be an AWFUL school year.
This "getting to know you" process, and things similar were done at the beginning of ALL the classes today. I hated everything today. I don't wanna come back here tomorrow, but I'll have to. UGH!!!
The school day ended. I went home, opened my door, and my mom was gone. At least it can be quiet, and I won't be yelled at, or hit today. I walked through the house, and saw something in the kitchen I hadn't taken a detailed look at before. It struck a dark thought into my head. I saw a razor blade. I heard that cutting your lower legs make you feel less emotional pain. I've never tried it, but I was pretty depressed today, so I thought I'd try it. I took it to my room, and locked the door. I took the slick blade and hesitantly put it to my hoof. I shook a little, but managed to pierce the skin, and slide the blade down a little. It hurt. It stung, but I felt something weird. The blood seemed to feel weird, mentally. It felt like my depression was bleeding out of my hoof. It was...weird.
I spent the rest of the day just sitting on my bed, thinking and wondering what future days would be like, so I could prepare for them if they happened.
.......................
I woke up for school that day. There wasn't any "get to know you" stuff, but just introductory math or whatever the subject was. "This is the pre-test. If you can somehow get all of these right, you will be exempt from this unit, get a 100 for the unit, but you will be doing an individual project with another teacher. Of course, that's only offered because NO pony has done it before. No one actually expects it too happen." My teacher Ms Flower Patch explained.
"I can do it." Said some colt across the room who looked too cocky.
"Yeah, OK." She joked. "Begin everyone." She said.
I looked down at the paper. It was algebra and circular math. I've seen something like this before. Yeah. Let's see.
------If the radius of a circle is 4 inches, what is the circumference?------
Oh, I've seen this before while I was really bored on my computer one day. I looked around the room. A lot of people were really confused. Some whispered "what the hell is that?" and some of these things. I guess I have some advantage or something. I look away from the class, and gaze down at my paper again.
Let's see....the radius is 4 inches....so you would use the circumference formula which is 2 x 3.14 x r, so if you multiply pi times 2, you get about 6.28, so you would multiply that by 4, to get 25.12.....easy....
I wrote the answer down, and finished the circular section. I looked next to the algebra section.
-----5x+25=x+29----
Wow, it seems like I've seen ALL of these before. This one is easy to do also.
Alright, so you have to subtract x from the = sign, and do the inverse on the other side of the = giving you 4x+25=29...Therefore, you have to subtract 25 from both sides, giving you 4x=4....so if you divide 4 on both sides, you get 1. So x=1....Easy.
I finished the test in about 25 minutes. Most people were done before me. I guess they didn't try, so they just put random answers.
"Alright everyone, switch papers." The teacher said as she saw that everyone had finished. We got our grading pens out, and I switched with the colt next to me. As we graded each others papers, he made faces of disbelief as he saw that I had gotten the answers right. I guess nopony else has done this math yet.
"Alright class, count up their scored and-" She was cut off by the colt next to me.
"Ms. Flower patch...?" He raised his hand and spoke at the same time.
"Yes?" She said.
"He got a 100%." He held up my paper. Everyone fell silent and glanced over.
"Who's paper did you have?" She asked in shock. Ponies began to talk to each other. There was probably 10- 12 different conversations.
"Slicer's." He said, pointing to me. Everyone fell silent.
"You know how to do this?" SHe asked me in shock.
"Yeah, It's easy." I said. She looked at my paper.
"These are all correct, and worked out perfectly....That's crazy. When and where did you learn how to do this?" She asked.
"Well, I don't know, I just got bored one day over the summer on a computer and learned advanced math to pass the time away. It was a random finding actually." People were looking at me like I had three heads. I didn't make any eye contact with any of them.
She was taking me to the office or something. I don't know. She brought my paper. She walked into the office, and said "We actually have a student who doesn't need this unit."
"What? This hasn't ever happened yet." An office worker trotted over and took a look at the paper. "I guess we'll have to find something else for him to do." Is it THAT shocking? I'm surprised I'm the first person to actually be able to skip a unit due to already knowing how to do it.
Through the day, I was still quiet, and myself. I gotta say though, it felt really good to be smarter than everyone else, rather than be ridiculed by them.
"I can't believe you actually knew how to do all that!" Said a familiar voice. Redheart. I blushed.
"Oh, well, I just came across it one day. Nothing special." I said.
"It's still impressive." She said.
"Not really." I shot back.
"Maybe we got off on the wrong foot before. You're smart, and I like hanging around smart people." She said.
"So, um...how about it, friend?" She smiled.
"Friend....?" I asked in pure happiness.
"Yeah. If we were to hang out or something, what else would you be?" She said.
"Oh...uh, I don't know." She giggled.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She said, going outside to her bus
Today was probably the greatest day of my entire life. Not only did I feel appreciated, but I made a FRIEND. An actual live breathing FRIEND!! I was so happy. I actually might start to like school.
.......
I went through 6th grade alright. I made a friend. She was the only one, but that was more than I've ever had. She was very nice, and even though I seemed to annoy her slightly, she was very tolerant. In fact, she was trying to teach me how to make friends, and act in public in stuff. Kinda like I guess you'd teach a child.
She gave me a few tips.
1. Don't ask too many questions. A few is okay, but try to let the person get used to you slowly.
2. Be sure the person is okay with you talking to them. The may not be in the mood.
3. Sometimes, it's best to let the ponies come to you. If they want to talk, let them, and converse.
4. Be yourself, always.
5. Try to help others if you can. Like in school with a math problem or something.
These are a couple. Maybe she'd add on a few later. She must have thought I had a disorder or something. The only thing is, I did .Around 7th grade, when I turned 13, she told me something one day.
"Hey, Slicer, I heard about a disorder that's becoming more researched that kinda describes you." She told me sitting down at the lunch table.
"Oh, uh...what is it?" I asked.
"It's called Asperger's syndrome." She said.
"That sounds like a joke to me." I replied. It sounded funny, and weird.
"Well, it's not. Trust me. Check it out, there's a few discovered symptoms.
-May be socially awkward, or have trouble with friends and relationships with others.
-Usually very smart, or intrigued with logic, and learning.
-doesn't make eye contact usually.
She read more, but I only half listened. Just those few right there describe me too perfectly, Do I have this?
The day went by, and I thought about this too much. I got home.
"Hey. mom, I need to ask you something!" I called in at the door. She had recently been getting better with her drinking. I could almost talk to her casually now. As I wondered through the house, I saw, and heard no trace of her. Her car was there, and her stuff was here.
"Mom?" I asked, opening her bedroom. I was blasted with the sight of a rope on her fan. I saw a rope leading to her head as her body was hanging down from it. She was dead....
I broke down. I was just getting o like my mom. I was almost okay with her, and she was seeing the good side of life, and not drinking. What happened?
So many questions raced inside my head as I sobbed on her bedroom floor. I didn't move for awhile. I rubbed my eyes with my hooves, and saw that my fur was wet with tears. I got up to hug her dead, hanging body. I usually would have never done this. It seemed repulsive. But unfortunately, it's the only hug I've had since 2nd grade, before she started drinking.
I called the police. They came and escorted her body, and tried to gather evidence. The came out of her room, and came in the living room where I was sulking on the couch she always sat in.
"I think you need to read this." He handed me the note. My hooves shook, as I slowly put my eyes on the first line of this note.
"Dear slicer,
I'm very sorry you'll have to live to see this. I know you really hated me. I was a drunk woman. I never told you anything, so I'm here to tell you now, even if it's not my voice, you need to know. Your dad was an evil man. He was a robber, and I never knew until I was pregnant with you. I left him, and ran away. I had you, and I always had his memory in my mind. I always said I didn't want to think about him, but I always did. I didn't ever want you to know about him. I drank my life away. At work, I was known as the robber's wife. We never married. Having you there always made me think of him. I'm so sorry I always took out my drunken anger on you.
I was getting better too. But your father knows where we live, and said he'd be here in two days. He wants us to run. I wish there was another way. He has no idea what you look like, or what you name is, so you are safe, I promise. You'll probably be in a foster care center. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but I don't want you to be in danger. You don't need to be my son. I don't deserve you. I heard what you accomplished in 6th grade. I heard about your intelligence. I never mentioned it, or praised you for it I know, but I love you Slicer, and I always will, even if it's from an afterlife.
Slicer, please keep going. You have a gift. You have a potential I will only hinder you from. I'm a horrible mom. I love you Slicer, and I cannot say that enough. I failed. Even if you never forgive me, I still always loved you.
-Mommy."
My eyes took a few second after putting it down to tear up. First they just ran down my face without noise. I then sobbed, and wept. I was now alone in this world. I know my mom didn't mean it this way, but what will i do?
.................
It turns out that I had to be put in a foster care center in Ponyville. Meaning I had to leave Manehatten, and switch school. Away from my only friend. I was picked up quickly. I was adopted by a husband and wife in their 30's. They were kinda nice. I didn't seem to have that much of a problem with them.
I went to Ponyille Middle. I was in 8th grade. I didn't like it. I don;t talk to anyone. I don't think I could make a friend like Redheart again. No one else seems that nice. I would sit at lunch alone. I didn't care too much, seeing as I'm used to it.
A couple days ago, a new pony came to school.
"Hi everypony! I'm Pinkie Pie!" She looked really happy. People didn't care much. I was surprised. I would think that happiness like that would be great to respond to.
She sat down next to me, since it was the only other seat. Her smile faded slowly as other ponies looked at her like she was weird.
"Hi, Pinkie, I'm Slicer." I whispered to her as the class was quiet. She smiled. The class was boring, but we had partner work. I would always work alone. But today ,I worked with Pinkie.
She got distracted REALLY easily. It was almost hilarious. Her abundance of random happiness kinda rubbed off on me.
I got home that day and was told to have a "talk" with my foster parents.
"Slicer, we need to talk about something. It's nothing major, but we we've heard things about your past, and we think you have a disorder." I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"Don't worry, It's not that bad, we're going to a psychologist today though." I rolled my eyes again. I had to get ready to go to a mental clinic and get tested for social/developmental disorders.
I was given some tests. Like "describe this face" or something. or "draw a _____" and simple stuff like that.
After a couple days of waiting they had a diagnosis, and I had to go back and get the word.
"You have a disorder called "Asperger's Syndrome." That sounded....familiar.....Wait, Redheart told me about that last year. They told me the symptoms I have, which all of them were ones Redheart read to me.
Even though the symptoms of Asperger's seemed to "dominate" my personality or whatever, I didn't care too much. Well, I did, but I tried not to. Pinkie didn't seem to care about my disorder, she still thought I was a friend.
But in the past few weeks, she met some other ponies, and hung out with them a lot. I wouldn't say she stopped beign my friend, but she just found new...more interesting ones.... It hurts. Now I'm back where I started. No friend. I guess I'm destined to be lonely.
.............
High school came around. I hated it. It was a huge high school, and I REFUSED to make friends. The two I managed to make, are gone. I went through all of highschool with no friends, but good grades. As I graduated, I moved into another part of Ponyville. The Lonliness just got too much to bear. I woke up, wondered around town to kill time, went to bed. No communication whatsoever necessary. It got to me. I began to ruminate, and remember everything. It hurt.
I got tired of it. I took a whole bottle of sleeping pills, and took them all with a good drink of water. The bottle was on my bed, along with some of the water that didn't get to my mouth from chugging. As I drifted, I heard the door open. I couldn't make out anything. The world was blurring, and my hearing reverberated.
........
I seemed to hear ponies around me, my hearing becoming clear as I become conscious.
"He's waking up." Said a mare's voice.
I shook my head, and groaned as my vision cleared. I awoke to a nurse, along with my foster parents in the hospital chairs, my foster mom crying. The nurse looked pretty. White coat, and pink mane.
"How are you feeling?" She asked me.
"I don't....know..." I said, trying to say as my vision unfocused and refocused constantly.
"We've had to pump your stomach, so you'll have the chemicals flushed out soon. You'll feel okay within a few hours."
"Alright..." I said.
"Just hit this button if you need me." She said, pointing to a button near my hospital bed. She walked out of the room. My foster parents and I didn't really talk. I don't think I could make what happened any better....except maybe if I actually died.
And once the day went on, my foster parent's left. I had a weird flashback to middle school when Redheart read me that small article about Asperger's.....Redheart...Her pretty pink mane, and white coat.....Just like......the nurse.... Holy Celestia...
I hit the button to call her.
"Need anything?" She asked.
"Can I get a snack of some sort? I'm kinda hungry."
"Sure, what would you like?" She responded.
As I thought I saw a name tag "Redheart."
"I'll take a few carrots if that's ok." I said.
"Sure...Be back in a minute okay?"
"Wait!" I called. She turned around confused.
"What's wrong?" She asked with slight concern.
"I might be going crazy, but you name is Redheart, right?" I asked
"Yes, it is."
"Do you remember Slicer Blue, from middle school? I got a hundred on that pre-test in 6th grade, and everyone called me smart or something, which is how we became friends..." I explained.
"Oh...my....Celestia." She said in shock. "Slicer!" She would have hugged me I'm sure, but I was on a hospital bed. After she remembered who I was, I'm sure some odd questions about my suicide attempt were thought up. But she did however get me a few carrots.
"Thanks." I said.
"Now....What happened?" She asked with concern.
I had explained to her the loneliness, friend loss, my mom's death, and all of this. I told her why my mom killed herself, and who I found out my dad was, and what happened after. I spewed out my life to her. It was emotional for me. I'm surprised she still cared even a little.
"So, what got you to Ponyville?" I asked.
"I was offered a nursing job here after medical school, so I'm here. Nothing fancy, really."
Through my stay, she was my nurse everyday she worked. I enjoyed her company, and she still considered me a friend. So I never LOST that friend, she just wasn't in front of me the whole time.
After my stay at the hospital, me and Redheart began to hang out, and do things that friends do. She taught me how to deal with things that Asperger's seems to hinder. I hated when she brought it up, but she did mean well.
Through life, I've been hit with trouble, and will get hit again, I'm sure. But for right now, I'ts calm. I don't have too much to deal with as far as bullies, or social trouble. Redheart is a good friend, and I'm glad I met her. I would never be here right now If I didn't.
She calls often and checks on me frequently.
"You're quite concerned huh?" I would ask.
"That's what friends are for." She always said. And that's the part I LOVED to hear.
---THE END---
