Peace of Mind - Peace of Heartby RyanPAPPChaptersAwakeningGrudgeMemories AwakeningI had that sinking feeling. You know, the one you feel when you're falling. Except, I couldn't tell if I was falling or not. Everywhere I looked it was black. Just black. As I felt the falling sensation grow in the very pit of my stomach, memories slowly and painfully wormed their way into confused mind. Memories of a better time. A happier time. Memories of me and my sister, playing in the fields behind our old home, going to kindergarten, getting our cutiemarks, you know, the standard childhood stuff. The latest memory I saw was the day she left for the dreaded Academy. At that I began squirming and banging my head, hoping to shake the visions out. Alas, it didn't work. I gave in and more recent memories started bleeding through my conscious. I remembered opening the mail box and seeing a light blue envelope adorned with flowers. Expecting good news from my loving sister I rushed inside to peer in. But what I found was anything but happy... The memory was cut off by another strange feeling. It felt like something was creeping up on me from below. The fur on my hind-end stood up and I could feel wind. The next sensation I felt was jarring accompanied by a distinctive "SPLAT!" I woke up terrified, kicking and screaming. In my rampage I managed to knock over a yet another painful reminder in the form of a photograph on my night stand. Once the initial wave of adrenaline passed over and was finished, I could recollect myself. I hopped out of bed and into the morning light that shined in through the window. I groggily trotted into the bathroom located right outside our- MY- bedroom. I hopped up on two hooves and turned the faucet on to throw some cold water on my face. Cloudchaser always did that to wake me up. When I was finished, and only half-awake, I looked up at the mirror. A deep sense of grief and pain jolted up my spine and eventually wedged into my skull. "Oh Celestia..." I mumbled, crying at my reflection. "I look just like her..." At that point I forcefully jerked my head away. I can't think about her... That's what I told myself. Part of me took solace in thinking about my sister, but other parts felt pain, regret, and grief. Thinking about her just made me hurt. But, she told me something once... "Don't Mind That It Hurts" So that's what I did, I didn't mind that it hurt... I ate the few leftover scraps of food from three months ago (as I hadn't done anything since Cloudy's death) and tidied up my bow to head outside. I really don't know why I cared about appearances, my life was already stripped from me. Half of me wanted to find that special somepony to comfort me, but the other half fought back knowing that nopony could replace the gap in my heart that my sister once occupied. It really was always me and her. When I was three our parents died and we were taken in by our putrid uncle. He abused us, he really did. Each night my sister would snuggle up to me and we'd gaze at the stars while she would tell me stories about our parents. Anyways, I flew down to the lake underneath our cloud-home to rest. My first instinct was to sit on the dock and gaze at the water, but after I put more thought into it I realized that I'd see my reflection, so I figured that I'd stay inland. It was a beautiful day, not that I had anypony to enjoy it with. Since I had woken from a nightmare, I was wide-awake at three AM. So by time I got to the lake the sun was just rising. The spectacle of sunrise always entranced Cloudy. The gentle wisps of orange and violet that cracked through the clouds always reminded her of our parents. She said that our father's mane was a dark orange bordered by red and that our mother's was a beautiful balance between grey and violet... I was doing it again- thinking about her. It was a very nasty habit of mine that still haunts me to this day, and possibly will forever... GrudgeThe sun had risen and it was then nine in the morning. I was resting against a tree when an array of colors caught my eye. I paid it no mind, as I did tend to hallucinate from time-to-time since Cloudchaser's death. But this was different. The object hurdled towards me even faster and I couldn't help but glance at it at that point. From the brief look I had I gathered that it was Rainbow Dash. "No", I thought. That bitch isn't getting to me, not like my sister. I spread my wings to fly, but it was to late. Rainbow Dash landed gently beside me. "Hey Flitter..." She said feverishly, as if she could read my mind. "Hmmph" I said, crossing my arms. "Look, I know what I did was reckless, but we all make mistakes. You have no clue how much I hate myself for what happened..." She said, progressively raising her tone. I remember meeting that condescending bitch, how it all went... "Hey Flitter, this is Rainbow Dash. You should've seen her in Phys Ed. today! It was amazing!" It was an ordinary afternoon and I met Flitter outside of the school like normal to walk home. "Oh, it was nothing really. It just happens, you know?" Rainbow Dash said narcissistically. The way she always talked about herself just spelled trouble. "So you're not even going to talk to me?" Rainbow Dash said, stomping her front hooves on the ground. I just sat there, motionless, waiting for her to leave. "Fine then, tell me when you're ready to accept my apology then, ingrate". She spread her wings and took off with a sassy flip of her tail. I thought about what she said... She called me an ingrate like it was a PRIVILEGE to have her apologize to me. I don't know why but that really ticked me off, maybe I was over-thinking it, who knows? I soon shrugged it off and continued staring at the sky and thinking about death. Was there an after-life? Or was my beautiful loving sister just a pile of dust in the ground? I still don't know, maybe I'll never know, but I do know that she still lives in my heart no matter what others say... Author's Note Sorry for the short "chapter". I just thought that those last words were good to end with. You can expect more story development over the coming weeks. Memories Memories I sat beneath that tree for an additional thirty minutes after Rainbow Dash flew away. This lake had a lot of meaning. The one memory I have withheld about our, my, parents is that father adored fishing. Countless hours we would spend on the lake with him. It was there that I learned about the "Birds and the Parasprites", yuck. The lake also had many ties with other people we held dear. After our parents died, and before we were shoved with our uncle, we were put with a foster family. For some reason, I have more memory of them... The first place they ever took me and Cloudy was here for a picnic. Since I hardly knew my parents, after the year we spent with them, they seemed like parents. Nice, kind, and loving. Then, we moved in with Uncle Redblood... He was a cruel, terrible stallion! He would feed us one meal a day since he was always too busy drinking Cider with his drunken friends. His friends would come and shove me and Cloudchaser around like dolls, and they treated us like servant girls. One time one of those pedophiles slapped my rump and demanded that I got them another Cider. I would've spoken my mind, but Uncle showed me what would happen if I did... Cloudy once got into the kitchen and ate an apple after midnight. The next morning Redblood realized that the only Golden Delicious he bought was missing. He stormed mine and Cloudchaser's "bedroom" (if a stone slab counts as a bed) and yanked me by my tail. His eyes were bloodshot and his nostrils were flaring, in fact, I thought he was going to kill me- until Cloudchaser fessed up. The next thing I knew I was flung to the ground and Redblood was stomping towards Cloudy. "So, you think that you can just barge into me home and steal the bloody apples that I bought with me own money after I try so hard to feed you two little sluts?" He screamed. Boy, did that tick Cloudy off. "You've done nothing for us you washed up drunken pig!" What she said shocked me. I couldn't believe that she could talk to Redblood like that. But believe me, she didn't get away scotch free. He tied her up and did horrible, horrible things to her. Things beyond all imagination. Things which inhabit my nightmares to this very day... I slowly opened my eyes to see the afternoon sun high and the sky, and it was aiming at my pupils. I raised a hoof to rub my left eye and yawned. I went dark again? I thought to myself. At that time I had a habit of passing out from time-to-time because of stress and sleep deprivation. That problem has since faded, or else I wouldn't be able to tell this story. I flew up a little to see the Ponyville clock tower behind the hill on the other side of the lake. It was already two o'clock and I had a somewhat busy scehdule ahead of me.... Author's Note Sorry if things got a little... "graphic". Also, props if you got the "Redblood" reference, and I meant in NO WAY for that to be THAT Redblood. It was simply a wink and a nod.
AwakeningI had that sinking feeling. You know, the one you feel when you're falling. Except, I couldn't tell if I was falling or not. Everywhere I looked it was black. Just black. As I felt the falling sensation grow in the very pit of my stomach, memories slowly and painfully wormed their way into confused mind. Memories of a better time. A happier time. Memories of me and my sister, playing in the fields behind our old home, going to kindergarten, getting our cutiemarks, you know, the standard childhood stuff. The latest memory I saw was the day she left for the dreaded Academy. At that I began squirming and banging my head, hoping to shake the visions out. Alas, it didn't work. I gave in and more recent memories started bleeding through my conscious. I remembered opening the mail box and seeing a light blue envelope adorned with flowers. Expecting good news from my loving sister I rushed inside to peer in. But what I found was anything but happy... The memory was cut off by another strange feeling. It felt like something was creeping up on me from below. The fur on my hind-end stood up and I could feel wind. The next sensation I felt was jarring accompanied by a distinctive "SPLAT!" I woke up terrified, kicking and screaming. In my rampage I managed to knock over a yet another painful reminder in the form of a photograph on my night stand. Once the initial wave of adrenaline passed over and was finished, I could recollect myself. I hopped out of bed and into the morning light that shined in through the window. I groggily trotted into the bathroom located right outside our- MY- bedroom. I hopped up on two hooves and turned the faucet on to throw some cold water on my face. Cloudchaser always did that to wake me up. When I was finished, and only half-awake, I looked up at the mirror. A deep sense of grief and pain jolted up my spine and eventually wedged into my skull. "Oh Celestia..." I mumbled, crying at my reflection. "I look just like her..." At that point I forcefully jerked my head away. I can't think about her... That's what I told myself. Part of me took solace in thinking about my sister, but other parts felt pain, regret, and grief. Thinking about her just made me hurt. But, she told me something once... "Don't Mind That It Hurts" So that's what I did, I didn't mind that it hurt... I ate the few leftover scraps of food from three months ago (as I hadn't done anything since Cloudy's death) and tidied up my bow to head outside. I really don't know why I cared about appearances, my life was already stripped from me. Half of me wanted to find that special somepony to comfort me, but the other half fought back knowing that nopony could replace the gap in my heart that my sister once occupied. It really was always me and her. When I was three our parents died and we were taken in by our putrid uncle. He abused us, he really did. Each night my sister would snuggle up to me and we'd gaze at the stars while she would tell me stories about our parents. Anyways, I flew down to the lake underneath our cloud-home to rest. My first instinct was to sit on the dock and gaze at the water, but after I put more thought into it I realized that I'd see my reflection, so I figured that I'd stay inland. It was a beautiful day, not that I had anypony to enjoy it with. Since I had woken from a nightmare, I was wide-awake at three AM. So by time I got to the lake the sun was just rising. The spectacle of sunrise always entranced Cloudy. The gentle wisps of orange and violet that cracked through the clouds always reminded her of our parents. She said that our father's mane was a dark orange bordered by red and that our mother's was a beautiful balance between grey and violet... I was doing it again- thinking about her. It was a very nasty habit of mine that still haunts me to this day, and possibly will forever...
GrudgeThe sun had risen and it was then nine in the morning. I was resting against a tree when an array of colors caught my eye. I paid it no mind, as I did tend to hallucinate from time-to-time since Cloudchaser's death. But this was different. The object hurdled towards me even faster and I couldn't help but glance at it at that point. From the brief look I had I gathered that it was Rainbow Dash. "No", I thought. That bitch isn't getting to me, not like my sister. I spread my wings to fly, but it was to late. Rainbow Dash landed gently beside me. "Hey Flitter..." She said feverishly, as if she could read my mind. "Hmmph" I said, crossing my arms. "Look, I know what I did was reckless, but we all make mistakes. You have no clue how much I hate myself for what happened..." She said, progressively raising her tone. I remember meeting that condescending bitch, how it all went... "Hey Flitter, this is Rainbow Dash. You should've seen her in Phys Ed. today! It was amazing!" It was an ordinary afternoon and I met Flitter outside of the school like normal to walk home. "Oh, it was nothing really. It just happens, you know?" Rainbow Dash said narcissistically. The way she always talked about herself just spelled trouble. "So you're not even going to talk to me?" Rainbow Dash said, stomping her front hooves on the ground. I just sat there, motionless, waiting for her to leave. "Fine then, tell me when you're ready to accept my apology then, ingrate". She spread her wings and took off with a sassy flip of her tail. I thought about what she said... She called me an ingrate like it was a PRIVILEGE to have her apologize to me. I don't know why but that really ticked me off, maybe I was over-thinking it, who knows? I soon shrugged it off and continued staring at the sky and thinking about death. Was there an after-life? Or was my beautiful loving sister just a pile of dust in the ground? I still don't know, maybe I'll never know, but I do know that she still lives in my heart no matter what others say... Author's Note Sorry for the short "chapter". I just thought that those last words were good to end with. You can expect more story development over the coming weeks.
Memories Memories I sat beneath that tree for an additional thirty minutes after Rainbow Dash flew away. This lake had a lot of meaning. The one memory I have withheld about our, my, parents is that father adored fishing. Countless hours we would spend on the lake with him. It was there that I learned about the "Birds and the Parasprites", yuck. The lake also had many ties with other people we held dear. After our parents died, and before we were shoved with our uncle, we were put with a foster family. For some reason, I have more memory of them... The first place they ever took me and Cloudy was here for a picnic. Since I hardly knew my parents, after the year we spent with them, they seemed like parents. Nice, kind, and loving. Then, we moved in with Uncle Redblood... He was a cruel, terrible stallion! He would feed us one meal a day since he was always too busy drinking Cider with his drunken friends. His friends would come and shove me and Cloudchaser around like dolls, and they treated us like servant girls. One time one of those pedophiles slapped my rump and demanded that I got them another Cider. I would've spoken my mind, but Uncle showed me what would happen if I did... Cloudy once got into the kitchen and ate an apple after midnight. The next morning Redblood realized that the only Golden Delicious he bought was missing. He stormed mine and Cloudchaser's "bedroom" (if a stone slab counts as a bed) and yanked me by my tail. His eyes were bloodshot and his nostrils were flaring, in fact, I thought he was going to kill me- until Cloudchaser fessed up. The next thing I knew I was flung to the ground and Redblood was stomping towards Cloudy. "So, you think that you can just barge into me home and steal the bloody apples that I bought with me own money after I try so hard to feed you two little sluts?" He screamed. Boy, did that tick Cloudy off. "You've done nothing for us you washed up drunken pig!" What she said shocked me. I couldn't believe that she could talk to Redblood like that. But believe me, she didn't get away scotch free. He tied her up and did horrible, horrible things to her. Things beyond all imagination. Things which inhabit my nightmares to this very day... I slowly opened my eyes to see the afternoon sun high and the sky, and it was aiming at my pupils. I raised a hoof to rub my left eye and yawned. I went dark again? I thought to myself. At that time I had a habit of passing out from time-to-time because of stress and sleep deprivation. That problem has since faded, or else I wouldn't be able to tell this story. I flew up a little to see the Ponyville clock tower behind the hill on the other side of the lake. It was already two o'clock and I had a somewhat busy scehdule ahead of me.... Author's Note Sorry if things got a little... "graphic". Also, props if you got the "Redblood" reference, and I meant in NO WAY for that to be THAT Redblood. It was simply a wink and a nod.
