Death is no Excuse

Jack woke up in a small room, his vision black and white. He was vaguely aware that he was in a medical bed, one much too small for him, and had a bandage over his bullet wound.

“Ma’am, it’s awake.”

“He not an it, nurse. He’s obviously some type of humanoid being. An advanced one at that.”
“Should we go in?”

“Let’s check. Sir, are you aware? Is it safe to enter the room?”

Jack ran his fingers down his face, touching the multiple scars, and a large bandage. How had he survived being shot in the head? It must have not hit the medulla oblongata, or the kill zone, otherwise it would have been lights out for good. He looked around. Everything seemed too small, as if it was made for teenagers, and not full grown adults.

“Yeah... It’s uh... It’s fine,” Said Jack, answering the previously stated question.

Two young women walked into the room, and Jack was taken aback. They had horse like faces, perky ears, yet they were both very beautiful. One had a purple horn protruding from her head, coming out of a flat, purple colored hairdo. She was the color of lavender herself, and seemed to be covered in a short coat of fur. She also had a tail, neatly brushed. The other looked like a nurse. She was a pinkish, off white color, with red hair and eyes. Her white skirt was much too short, and Jack could see what looked like the bottom of a cross poking out of the bottom of her dress.

Jack lifted himself farther into the back of the bed, slightly intimidated. He grimaced
in pain, as he put too much pressure on his wounded arm.

“Hey, easy there, sir. We spent a long time repairing that arm. We thought we would have to amputate. Same with your head, without the amputation part,” Said the nurse creature, putting her arm on Jack’s chest, pushing his back into the upright position of the chair gently.

“W-what are you?” Asked Jack, and the two creatures looked at eachother.

“I know this is scary, because you have no idea what- or who- we are, yet we probably know everything about you,” Said the purple creature.

“Can you just answer the question, please?” Asked Jack, and the purple creature sighed, running her hand down her face.

“We’re ponies. Humanoid versions, at least. I am Twilight Sparkle, and this is Nurse Redheart. You are Jack Ross, a human. Ex-C.I.A -Which we have no idea what that is- turned mercenary after you killed a child on a mission in somalia. You were married to Aleksa Rose for 4 years, straight out of highschool, but then divorced when she realized what you did for a living. You voluntarily gave up everything you owned, seeing as how you didn’t need it. You then dropped off the map for 2 years, and now you winded up here. Half the things I just said I cannot make meaing of, but I’m sure you know what all of that is about,” Said Twilight, reading from her note pad.

“How the fuck do you know all this about me? And where is my equipment? Where the fuck am I?” Asked Jack, hyper ventilating.

It’s just a dream, Jack. Don’t get worked up about it.

“Don’t worry, your equipment and weapons are in safekeeping. You won’t be needing them any time soon, and you’re in PonyVille general hospital. We know all this about you, because of this,” Said Twilight, holding up a small, laser light looking thing.

My data chip. But....

“Fair enough... how long have I been out?” Asked Jack, and Nurse Redheart looked at her watch.

“Approximately... 2 weeks, four days, 14 hours, 32 minutes, and 25 seconds. As of now,” She said, and Jack nodded, sitting up.

“So I’m guessing I’m an odd sight? To your kind, I mean,” Asked Jack, pulling his feet over the edge of the bed. He was wearing a small hospital gown, too small, giving an odd open aired feeling to Jack’s nethers.

“Not to me. For most ponies, yes. For one, you’re a different looking Goliath. You stand almost a foot over myself and Redheart. There is probably only two ponies that I know of besides me who won’t be surprised when they see you, and thats going to be the Princesses,” Said Twilight, and Jack scoffed.

“Princesses? You mean you don’t have a democracy here?” Asked Jack, and Twilight tilted her head.

“What’s a democracy?” She asked, inquisitively.

“People control the government. They vote in representatives and stuff. Too much to explain. Do you guys even have cars?” Asked Jack, standing up. He almost immediately fell to the ground, but he wasn’t going to let the wound in his head stop him from walking around.

“Well, we have prototypes for making cider... but...”

“Cars for making cider? Man, your priorities are way out of whack,” Said Jack, before stumbling. Twilight lowered her head, somewhat ashamed.

“Easy sir! You’ve just been out for a while, take it slow,” Said Nurse Redheart, jumping to Jack’s side. Jack groaned like a dying whale, and got back to his feet.

“Also, we noticed something weird about you. You have your cutie mark on your arm, not your flank,” Said Twilight, noticing Jack’s tattoo.

“‘Flank’? It’s called an ass, my lady. And what the fuck is a cutie mark?” Asked Jack, and Redheart winced.

“Please refrain from swearing, sir. Cutie marks are what show us what we’re good at,” Said Nurse Redheart, and Jack looked at his tattoo.

“I guess it kinda is a cutie mark... but its not cute, and its a tattoo,” Said Jack, trying to walk around again. This time, he was more successful. He started to stretch and jump, limbering up.

“Well, glad to see you’re back on your feet,” Said Twilight, and Jack just scoffed.

“I am in no means- by any circumstances- back on my feet yet. I’m more weak and helpless than a baby seal being clubbed by a poacher,” Jack said, and both ponies tilted their heads. “Sorry, human expression.”

Twilight simply nodded, levitating something over to her hand. Jack watched in amazement, his eyes bulging at the sight of magic. Her horn was glowing, yet Nurse Redheart brushed it off.

Must be a pony thing or some shit like that...

“When am I getting out of here?” Jack asked, and Twilight sighed.

“Not until maybe a month or two. We still have to study your anatomy, your speech patterns, do tests...” Twilight went off on a ramble, and Jack cut her off quickly.

“I have to get home, and I have to kill Hernando Vega. I don’t have time to be tested on,” Said Jack, and Twilight ran her hand down her face again.

“I don’t think you’re in the position to be choosing what happens, Jack.”

It was the first time she had said his first name. Jack angrily walked towards the door, not thinking. Suddenly. he was wrapped in a purple cloak, and was thrown back into bed, bounded there. He struggled against the binds, when suddenly, Twilight walked over to him.

“What the fuck? Why can’t I leave?” He asked angrily, struggling against the magical binds.

“We don’t know if we’re a threat to you, or if you’re a danger to us. Until further study, we cannot release you. We’ll try to be as humane as possible,” Said Twilight, running her hand over Jack’s bandaged head. “You have a fever.”

Jack ignored her remark, and strained with the binds again. Twilight shook her head, and walked out, Redheart following her out. Jack strained for a moment, and then sighed, closing his eyes.

Great. Stuck in a world with human like ponies who want to run tests and shit. Perfect.

Jack woke up to the feeling of heat around him. His eyes opened ever so slightly, noticing that the room around him was flickering orange. His eyes flew open, and he realized the room was on fire. The flames were spreading from the top, and he heard the yelling of the nurses and doctors.

“Get the patients out! Get them out!” Shouted a familiar voice.

Jack started to strain against the binds, adrenaline rushing through his body. His veins bulged out of his arms, as he ripped through the magical binds. He started to scream with rage, pulling the binds apart. Suddenly, burning beams blocked the entrance to the room, and he heard Nurse Redheart and Twilight yelling.

“The human!” Shouted Redheart.

“He can handle himself. He’s already ripped through my binds, he should be able to find a way out,” Twilight said.

Shit. How do I get out?

Jack sat up, and looked around. He noticed that the structure looked weakened on the wall connecting to the room next to him. He ran, and smashed through it, letting burning timber fall behind him. Flames licked his gown, forcing him to tear it off. Jack was left in the nude, in a burning room, smoke suffocating him.

“Find... a window...” Jack said, coughing through the smoke.

He jumped looked around the room, and saw that the door was open, giving an open shot through a window. He started sprinting towards it, when two hazmat ponies came up the stairs, carrying axes.

“There it is! Sir, you’re going to have to come with us!” One of them shouted.

Not today, you pony fucks.

Jack ran at them, delivering a punch to one’s gut. The other pony tried to subdue him, but was thrown through a wall at full force for his attempt. Jack began to run towards the window, when he heard the faint sound of metal clattering against the floor. He turned to see that somehow, a frag grenade had landed on the ground, the pin gone. Jack turned to run again, but it was too late. The frag grenade exploded, sending Jack flying out the window, then into a nearby hill. He hit the ground so hard, he passed out.

“So, you’re telling me... that there is a world, full of humanoid beings, who look like horses?” asked Goldburg, and Hernando nodded. “Sounds like a load of bullshit,” added Hernando.

“Look, Mr. Goldburg, I can’t explain it. I just decided to do some crazy shit with einstein's theory of relativity, divided by some very small numbers, shot a small laser through a small sphere, and then put the whole thing together, and boom, we have a wormhole,” Said the scientist, whose name was John Abernathy Jr.

“Well then, lemme see about that, fucker,” Said Hernando, walking over to the telescope mounted in front of the large, purple-blue hole.

They were in a massive, grey room, complete with every type of scientific piece of equipment anyone would ever need. It was illegal, granted, but it had done more things for humanity than anyone with legal abilities ever had done. Such as? Wormholes and shit, yo.

Hernando, backed his eye away from the telescope, and looked at Dr. Abernathy, amazement in his eyes. He stood up, patting the doctor on his back.

“Either Goldburg laced my weed with some LCD and some cyanide, or I just saw 5 hot ass chicks having a pool party. Through a telescope. Onto a landscape that looks like its from nowhere on this earth,” Said Hernando, cracking his knuckles.

It had been 2 weeks, and 4 days since Jack’s execution, and Hernando had been looking for ways to expand his empire. He couldn’t go into America, Asia, or anywhere else civilized, or else he might be completely destroyed via airstrike or something of the other. While this wasn’t the most ethical solution, it was the most lo- Oh, who the fuck are we kidding? Hernando is an insane fuck, and sees this as a way to conquer more shit and fuck more bitches? Happy? Better fuckin’ be, because I just ditched all my regular writing, and broke the 4th wall right there.

“I think we might have to test it out, eh?” Said Hernando, scratching his small stuble.

“Uh, Hernando, might not be the best idea,” Said Goldburg, and the doctor also started to object. “It may not be safe!”

“Does it look like I give a fuck? Look into my eyes, and really think. Does it look like I give a fuck?” He asked angrily. Goldburg and Abernathy looked at one another.

“Maybe I should hit two birds with one stone, eh? Goldburg, come here,” Said Hernando, and Goldburg stepped forward, not knowing what to expect.

Suddenly, a steely blade was pushing through Goldburg’s stomach. Hernando had his long combat knife shoved through Goldburg, and he pulled upward, separating the sides of Goldburg’s stomach. He then shoved what looked like a packet of incendiary C4 into Goldburgs stomach, and walked him over to the wormhole, throwing him in.

“Fucking C.I.A gringo fuck,” said Hernando, looking through the telescope. As soon as Goldburg hit the ground, Hernando pulled the trigger on the explosive, releasing a massive explosion.

He then pulled the pin on a frag grenade, and tossed it down the wormhole, smiling.

“Augh... What the fuck?”

Jack sat up, noting he was still naked. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, and Jack was vaguely aware that his arm was bleeding terribly. He stood up, looking into the sky, when horror overcame him.

“What the fuck?” He asked himself, a large whirlpool of purple and blue circling in the sky. It looked vaguely like a wormhole, but he couldn’t be sure. He turned towards the hill, noting that there was a small cot at the top of it, complete with a small farm.

“I’ll hide there. Then, I’ll get the fuck outta dodge. I’m in no condition to be trying to run around like this,” Jack said to himself, running up the hill, towards the small cottage.

He was still fast, even though he was a he was bleeding terribly. While he was running he tried to think back on what had happened. He realized, he only knew the basics of who he was. He knew all the personal stuff, but could barely remember anything besides that. He kept on trudging up the hill, holding his arm to keep the wound from opening again, when he finally turned around. The hospital was directly underneath the hole in the sky, which was probably was the cause of the explosion. Everyone -or everypony, in this case- had been evacuated to the outside, and Jack could make out the slim figure of Twilight, and the shorter figure of Nurse Redheart, talking to what looked like a police officer. Jack turned around, and ran up the hill, only to find more officers standing around, talking to a butter colored girl. Jack hid inside a bush, his breathing uneven. It seemed like an hour, but after a short time, the officer walked off. The butter colored pony-thing sighed, and stretched, spreading her wings wide.

“What the fuck is up with this place?” Jack asked himself under his breathe. Suddenly, he heard a low growling, and Jack kept stone still. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a menacing looking wolf, looking much like wood. In fact, it was made of wood. The smell coming from it was terrible, and Jack had to try hard not to throw up.

“Oh, hello Mr. Timberwolf. Are you lost?” Asked the girl, and the wolf growled.

That thing is going to tear her apart!

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t hurt you, Mr. Wolf. I’d never hurt anypony, or anything,” Said the girl, but the wolf snapped at her, greenish saliva dripping from his lips.

Jack then realized something was very wrong. Well, the wolf was made out of wood, but Jack had seen his fair share of rabid animals in his day, including wolves. He had realized that if a wolf was this close to town, seeking out something to kill, it is either stupid, or rabid. Either way, Jack didn’t want to take any chances.

As the wolf approached the girl, Jack creeped out of the bushes, grabbing a sharp stone from the ground. The girl backed up, realization slowly creeping upon her face. She hadn’t noticed Jack yet, which was good. But the Wolf had, and he perceived Jack as more of a threat than the girl.

The wolf turned around, facing away from the girl and the cottage, and ran at Jack. Jack dodged out of the way, delivering a deep stab into the wolfs back, spraying its green, acidic blood all over Jack’s arm.

So thats why it smells so bad...

The pain was minimal, but Jack would have some nasty scars afterwards. The wolf growled, and turned around, sprinting at Jack again. It jumped on top of him, the claws tearing into Jack’s left arm. Jack used his left arm as a shield, using his right as a sword arm. He jammed the stone into the wolf eye, making it fall off of Jack. Jack got up with amazing speed, and grabbed a boulder, and threw it on the monsters head, spraying acid into Jack’s eyes.

“Fuck!” shouted Jack, falling backwards in pain. He grabbed his eyes, his vision blurry, and to his dismay, the Wolf getting back up again. Jack stood up, looking around for a weapon, when he saw a loose fence stake.

The Wolf lunged at Jack, but Jack delivered a heavy punch to the wolf, smashing the other side of its face. Jack then ran over to the stake, grabbing it, and pulling it out of the ground. He then turned around, and jammed the stake through the Wolf, plunging it back and forth, until he was sure the Wolf was dead.

Jack then fell backwards in pain, now having wounds on both arms, a terrible eyesight, and no memory. He looked around in pain, before looking at his stomach. There was a large splinter stuck in his bare skin, and Jack pulled it out, splitting part of his stomach open. A mass of blood poured out, and just watched, his eyesight wavering. He heard the faint sound of someone calling out, but before he could react, he just passed out.