We Grieve in Different Ways
We Grieve in Different Ways
I’ve always wondered what the stars were like, what they could mean to me. Twilight says they’re some balls of gas that light up in the sky. I don’t argue with that; besides, it’s fact and I can’t change what’s true. But still, somethin’s always been buggin’ me and whenever I look at them, they’re tellin’ me somethin’, especially two shootin’ stars that swing by every so often.
Tonight was no different. Those two came by at around nine o’clock. I always watch the stars while out in the fields with Big Mac. We would often do some late night apple buckin’ and after that, he would take me to the open field, lie down by a tree, and just watch the sky. How he made stargazin’ a habit, I don’t know, but something was always happenin’ whenever he does it and more often than not, those two stars always fly by. Call it coincidence or luck but I always see those two. It’s like they’re watchin’ me. It felt strange but I can’t let this feelin’ bother me all the time.
I prepped myself for bed; I brushed my teeth, rinsed the sweat of my face, and of course, hung my hat on the hook by the door. The windows were shut but not completely; I usually let a little fresh air come into my room just so I wouldn’t sweat through the night. And just as I was about to tuck myself under the covers, there was a knock on the door. Who could that be? Granny Smith and Apple Bloom should already be in bed and Winona’s fast asleep in the kitchen. Big Mac could be knocking but why would he do that at this hour?
Opening the door, it wasn’t Big Mac. Twas just Apple Bloom in her nightgown with her hair all ruffled up.
“Apple Bloom, why are you still awake? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
“I wish I could Applejack,” she replied, rubbing her eyes with her hoof. “but I can’t sleep at all. There’s something I wanted to ask you for a while and, well, now’s the only chance I got.”
I waited, eagerly anticipating what she was going to ask me. Maybe it was just something she saw today while she was hanging out with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
“Sis, where’s mom and dad?”
My heart stopped beatin’ when I heard those words. I never really gave much thought about them until she brought it up. Now there are two things that I needed to know. What’s with those two shooting stars and where are my parents?
“I’m sorry, Apple Bloom. I... I don’t know. Why don’t you go to sleep now?”
“Oh. Alright Applejack; thanks anyway.”
And with that, I went to bed and slept.
Barely.
I drifted off into my dreams but I noticed something a little different. There was a barn and I saw myself with Apple Bloom in front of me. We were playing with those wooden blocks, buildin’ a fort of some sort. Big Mac was on a step ladder hammerin’ somethin’ to the roof. Granny was knittin’ like usual. I then saw this really bright flash of light. At first it was white, then it became all red and orange. I heard screamin’, lots of screamin’. It was just so terrifyin’ I had to wake up. I checked my clock and it was six o’clock.
Sunrise...
Sadly, that wasn’t the only time I had those flashbacks. I’ve been havin’ them for quite some time but this was the first time I’ve heard those screams. Now that I thought of it, I also remember those screams coming from two ponies that I’ve never seen. They were blacked out but that dream I had, they were there. So much pain and sufferin’, it’s so sad.
There’s so much to know, so much to do, and not enough time. Dawn had arrived and I got my work cut out for me. I had apple trees to buck, pigs to feed, seeds to plant. I don’t think I’ll be able to find the answers I’m lookin’ for. I quickly set about my work, buckin’ apple trees with Apple Bloom. It’s good to see a young filly helping around the farm. She seemed pretty serious about helpin’ out with the chores, too, volunteerin’ to feed the pigs for me. Reminds me of myself when I was younger. Thanks to her, I got my work done for the day and I could visit a good friend of mine.
Whatever I didn’t know, Twilight had the answer; she always does. I stopped by the library after I finished all of my chores at the farm and just like every weekend, Saturday to be exact, she’d be alone in the library while Spike was out buyin’ supplies. I knocked at the door and hoped she would answer. I’d expect that she would be buried in her studies. Surprisingly, she welcomed me in, and rather quickly.
“Hi there, Applejack! What brings you here?”
“Uh, hey there Twilight. Just wanted to ask ya ‘bout somethin’.”
And that was where I felt like choking. I don’t know if she would be happy to hear me asking about stars again, not after that two hour lesson I got from her the last time I swung around the library.
“Sure, ask away!”
That went better than expected. I’m so relieved that she didn’t go asking about the star lesson she gave me.
“It’s about some star related thing, really. Are there shootin’ stars that fly by every so often? Like a few days at a time?”
At this point, my unicorn friend didn’t seem so happy to see me. Her lips pursed and she ran back inside, leavin’ the door wide open. She went from one end of the room to the other, grabbin’ as many books as she can while readin’ a few of them. Who knew she could multitask that easily? I just let myself in and found a tree stump to sit on.
She eventually crashed into a bookshelf, droppin’ her load of books and messin’ up a good portion of the library. However, she was somehow able to read through the bits that seemed relevant to my question. Unfortunately, she came back disappointed. I knew I was going to feel that way too.
“I’m sorry, Applejack. Nothing in my books tell me about shooting stars that often come around. It doesn’t seem likely that this is even possible to begin with. Maybe there might be something happening in the cosmos that none of my books have any information on or maybe some pony is using advanced spells. This is going to take a while; maybe I can stop by Sweet Apple Acres when I find something. Is that alright with you?”
“Sure thing, Twi! I’ll see ya around and thanks for your help.”
“It’s nothing at all, Applejack. I was really hoping I could help you.”
I knew it. Not even Twilight’s books could help. Somethin’ was definitely weird with those stars. Still, I have Apple Bloom’s concern in mind. Where’s mom and dad? Why aren’t they around? I don’t know where to start. I guess I could head on home and ask Big Mac. He knew my folks better than I did and he’s older than me, why not ask him?
Big Mac always worked the fields whenever I wasn’t around. I was lucky enough to catch him on his break and decided to ask him about mom and dad.
“Big Mac, can I ask ya ‘bout somethin’?”
“What is it, AJ?” he replied, looking back at me with a concerned look in his face.
“Do you know where’s mom and dad? Apple Bloom asked me that last night and I thought you might know somethin’.”
Strangely, Big Mac just turned around. Somethin’ was definitely wrong with him; he never turns down anypony asking him about somethin’. This time, though, was different. He didn’t say anything, turned around, and began mumbling words to himself. It just wasn’t normal.
“Big Mac? I...”
“Please, AJ. I... I need to be somewhere right now.” He turned and left, walking towards the barn.
That was the first time I’ve been snubbed by my big brother. Seems like he doesn’t want to talk about them. I mean, I’ve heard tons of stories from Granny Smith about how my dad was always the hard working stallion who would stay up late in the fields during zap apple harvest season. Mom, well... she was simply a gem. Granny told me ‘bout how she would make her special apple sauce just for me. It was so delicious even granny, dad, and Big Mac would eat some. Big Mac was off my list. No answers to my questions and I’m beginning to think no one remembered my folks.
Twilight didn’t show up that afternoon either. I was hoping she might have found somethin’ ‘bout those stars but at this point, she’s got nothin’ for me.
It was time for dinner and Big Mac didn’t come back yet. I was thinkin’ he had some chores he needed to finish. I couldn’t blame him for bein’ late at the dinner table; after all, it was my fault for delayin’ him. Granny Smith and Apple Bloom made some apple fritters, apple dumplings, and my favorite apple pie, just the way Granny Smith always made them. The golden brown crust with the soft, sweet, and tasty apples with a tangy filling was all that was needed to make it a delicious treat. I didn’t bring up my concerns at the table; it wouldn’t be right to talk about somethin’ that ruins the meal.
Apple Bloom and Granny Smith were the first to finish their meals. I swallowed down the last bite of my slice of apple pie; granny noticed I ate slower than usual. I’d be the first to finish my meal every night knowin’ that I had the appetite of a full-grown stallion. Big Mac only came after I began to clean up the mess on the table.
“Where’ve you been, brother?” I asked. “You’re food’s gettin’ cold.”
“Just needed to buck some apple trees in the west orchard, nothin’ much really. The big harvest is comin’ up and those trees need to be picked clean before next month.”
Big Mac ate alone in the dining room while Apple Bloom headed on to bed. Granny Smith would do so too but she would often look at some family albums before hittin’ the hay. She’d probably go through three or four whole albums like last night. Since she was going through some old family photos, I decided to talk to granny ‘bout mom and dad.
“Granny, can I sit with ya for a spell?”
“No problem, Applejack. Come on and have a look at some old photos of the Apple family.”
We flipped through pages of family reunion photos. It’s hard to imagine how much bigger the family became over a couple of years. Babs and the Manehatten Apple family, Apples from Appleloosa, even the family from Galloping Gorge have become pretty big the last time I’ve heard from them, excluding the last family reunion. Photo after photo, I’m terribly reminded of my own family. Look at ‘em, they got their own fathers and mothers and they just look so happy bein’ a complete family. It makes me think of my own folks. Every night, I usually see these little flashbacks. Granny doing her knitting in the barn, Big Mac helping put the whole barn together with some dark colored stallion next to him. Come to think of it, these little flashbacks always have two ponies blacked out for some reason. I can’t hear them but I can see their lips moving. Strange...
“Granny, can you tell me ‘bout mom and dad? I know how you keep telling about how they’re good folk and all but something ain’t right. Why aren’t they around anymore? Did they move away because they couldn’t take care of us?”
That’s when Granny Smith closed the dark green album she held in her hooves. She turned to look at me with a straight face but I could tell she was about to break down into tears.
“Applejack, do you remember the day the barn was razed in a fire?”
“Umm... I don’t think so.”
Granny nodded her head; she got the answer she was expecting.
“Your pa and ma, they didn’t make it. It was a day I’d never forget. Many summers ago, it was a stormy afternoon and we were all in the barn. You were playing with your little sister, Big Mac was helping your pa put up the last few boards on the roof, and your ma was helping me with my knitting. Now I don’t know all the details but we all heard a loud boom and the roof caved in. A lightning bolt hit the barn and set some pieces of wood on fire. Big Mac grabbed your sis and ran outside. Your pa and ma stuck around to see if the building could be saved but before most of us got out, you were trapped under a pile of wood. Your pa came in to save ya and asked me to bring you back to the house. I ran as fast as I could, making sure you were still breathin’ and I thought your pa and ma were close behind. I turned around and saw the barn burn to the ground.”
I... I just couldn’t say anything. Those flashbacks, this was the moment that I kept seein’. I can tell why Apple Bloom’s been askin’ for mom and dad.
“And you didn’t see them come out of the barn?” I started after being silent for a good five minutes.
“No. After the smoke cleared, some of them rescuers searched the rubble but they didn’t find the bodies. Big Mac was devastated and didn’t talk for a long time. ‘Bout five to six weeks, I think. You don’t remember them much but ever since they were gone, I always sang a lullaby to you. Remember how the song went?”
“Not much but I might know a line or two... I saw the light, but it fled. The light glowed a bright orange-red. I chased this light to the old, old shed and it led me back to my own homestead... Do these things mean anything?”
Granny nodded her head.
“Applejack, I made that lullaby for you. I thought it would take your mind off the stuff that happened that day. Every time I sang, I was reminded of your folks and what they did for you. They were the last to leave the barn but didn’t make it. At first, I cried and cried and just couldn’t help but wish that they would continue to watch over us. Eventually, I learned to let it go. I didn’t grieve for them the way your brother did. I like to think of your folks as heroes; they lost their lives so we can keep ours. That hat of yours, that was the last thing your father left for you, knowing you’d help take care of the family one day. There’s one more thing I’d like to show you.”
Granny called for Big Mac and we all began our walk to the barn. Before we left, Granny asked Winona to watch the house for us while we were gone. She was quite sleepy but being a loyal companion to the family, she ran outside and stood guard.
It was a short walk through the fields and the barn was in sight. The barn wasn’t the attraction though; Big Mac opened the door and went to the farthest corner of the building. There, under a pile of hay, was something I never thought I’d see: a door. That door went down to the cellar but in a part where I didn’t see every time I went down there. I followed my brother and granny down into the darkness. Granny lit a candle and I found myself in a room just about as big as mine. In front of me is a table with two more candles and a gold locket hanging on a framed image.
I moved closer and saw the only picture of the whole Apple family of Ponyville; mom, dad, granny, Big Mac, me, and Apple Bloom. Even little Winona is in the picture. Around me, the charred pieces of wood that were part of the original barn.
“All this was part of the barn before it was burned to the ground. This little memorial is for your folks. After the barn came down, the whole Apple Family, and the ponies of Ponyville, came to help us rebuild the farm.”
“Granny, you can’t just leave memories like this hidden from me. Even more so for Apple Bloom.”
“If I had told you sooner... well, you wouldn’t be prepared to hear ‘bout it. I’m sorry Applejack but I didn’t want you to know until you were ready.”
We all stayed for a while and looked at the image of us as one whole family. Granny Smith then stepped forward and grabbed the photo and the locked that hung on it.
“We better get goin’; it’s gettin’ late. One more thing, your ma would have wanted you to have this.”
Granny gave me the locket. In it had the images of mom and dad. The one on the left is a bright green mare and the other was a deep orange stallion with a black mane. Both were in the prime of their lives, lookin’ like the perfect couple they were. I just wished they could’ve been around with the rest of the family.
“I’ll keep this safe, granny.”
Granny then moved closer to my ear.
“I know you will,” she whispered.
I was the last to leave the barn. Granny and Big Mac were way ahead of me, ‘bout to enter the house. I looked up to the sky once more and there, just above the horizon, those two stars came by again. I remembered what Granny told me; she’d always wish that mom and dad would watch over me and now I know they did. It didn’t matter where I was, where I am, or where I’d be, but whenever I see those stars, I know my folks would always be with me. With that knowledge, I slept well that night, just like a filly.
The following evening, Apple Bloom came to me again, knocking on my door just as I finished washing up.
“Sis, you still haven’t told me ‘bout mom and dad. Do you know where they are?”
I smiled and stroked her mane as I walked her to the living room.
“Apple Bloom,” I began. “Do you want to see mom and dad?”
“More than anything, Applejack!” she replied with all the enthusiasm a filly could have. At that moment, I knew I had a lot of explainin’ to do but I had somethin better in mind.
“Alright then, little sis. Let’s go for a walk, shall we?”
END
