My Little Chimera: Friendship is Discord

by TheGreatAllie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Discord
Length: 19882

Discord is sent to Paradise Estates to learn the magic of friendship

Princess Celestia gives Discord one last chance to save himself from an eternity imprisoned in stone by sending him away where they don't know him. There he must learn how to make friends. However, when his past starts to catch up to him, he's going to need to need all the friends he can get.

Published 2013-01-01 21:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-14 00:36:55 UTC

What You're Looking For is Paradise

Discord appeared at the side of a country road, lying on his side at a weird angle because of the way his stone body was twisted. His hands were free, so he pushed himself up to get a good look at his surroundings.

Sunshine. Rolling green hills. A long and winding path. Adorable woodland critters. Birdsong. Great. Just great.

It wasn’t that it it was so pristine and perfect, that wasn’t what was getting to him so much. It was that it was so tidy, so predictable...

So boring.

Discord found that his encounter with the Elements of Harmony had left him unable to use much of his magic- namely, his ability to teleport where he wished in a diamond flash of light. He tried, but the stone was somehow repelling it. He attempted to use his arms to crawl along and pull his dead-weight stone body along, but had only gotten two feet before he realized he wasn’t strong enough to keep this up. His muscles were already aching with the effort.

Curse Princess Celestia for putting him in this situation. Curse her for imprisoning him in stone so long ago, and curse Princess Luna for that as well while we’re at it. And curse Twilight Sparkle for breaking through his magic and reuniting herself with her friends. Curse Applejack, and Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, and curse Rarity, and even Pinkie Pie, even though she seemed to enjoy his chaos. Not enough to not stand up to him, so curse her too.

Then Discord gave himself over to a tidal wave of self-pity. Poor, poor Discord, abandoned and forgotten in some boring meadow, half turned to stone and forgotten by all who mattered. He was really getting into it, too- so much so that he didn’t hear the squeaking of wooden cart wheels or the clop-clop-clop of pony hooves on dirt until it was right beside him.

“Howdy, stranger,” said the cart-pulling pony. She was peach in color with a coral mane and tail, and a cutie mark that looked like three pairs of cherries. “Did you run afoul of a cockatrice or something?”

‘More like your princess,’ Discord thought, ‘but the similarities are striking.’ Out loud, he said, “Just a little bad luck.”

“Oh, I know all about bad luck,” said the pony. “You should get together with my friend Shady and compare notes. Hey, I’m heading back to Paradise Estates if you need a lift.”

Discord was about to turn her down, but his arms gave a sudden ache. “If you insist,” he said in as haughty a voice as he could manage.

It was no easy task getting him into the wagon. The pony moved it as close to the edge of the road as she could, and then pushed his stone body right next to it. Then together they hefted his still-alive top into the cart, and he had to crawl forward as she shoved his stone body up and over until he was all the way in the cart. Then she re-hitched herself and they were off.

“Name’s Cherries Jubilee, by the way,” said the pony. “Pleased to meet ya, mister...” she ended on an up-note, signaling him to introduce himself.

“Hemmingford Windshire IV,” said Discord. He wasn’t lying to conceal his identity and protect himself- if she didn’t recognize him by sight, his name wasn’t going to give himself away. It was just that since he couldn’t turn her cart into gummy worms or her cutie mark into cherry cola without risk to himself, this was the only way he had of messing with her.

“Where ya from?” asked Cherries.

“Canterlot,” said Discord flatly. Well, since he’d spent a millennium as a statue by the palace, this was an appropriate answer.

“What’d ya do there?”

“Sowed the seeds of Discord.” He didn’t bother to hide the annoyance in his voice.

“As for me, I run a cherry farm,” said Cherries.

“How appropriate.”

“Ya like cherries, Windshire?”

Discord scowled. He didn’t like being caught in idle small talk. Actually, he couldn’t stand making it, it took too much attention away from general chaos. There was something about small talk that was so systematized, so tidy and orderly, that he hated. Desperate to cut it off, he waved his lion’s paw and turned the path directly in front of Cherries into slick, smooth glass.

“Whoa!” as soon as Cherries Jubilee put a hoof down on the glass, it slid out from in front of her. She scrabbled to regain her footing, but instead sent herself spinning. “Whoa-whoa! Hold on!”

Discord gripped the side with his claw and laughed at the midway ride style spinning and the bewildered look on the pony’s face. He could still affect the world around him, he found, but not as greatly as he could before. The stone was trapping most of his magic, but not all of it.

Then he went to put his paw to his face only to find that he couldn’t.

His paw was now made of stone. The area just below it was stone, all the way down to his midsection where the stone initially began.

Discord wasn’t laughing anymore.

Cherries had found her footing on the other side of the glass patch. “Whoa,” she said one more time. “Wasn’t that just the weirdest thing. Never slipped on the path like that. You okay back there, Windshire?”

“Just peachy, Cherries,” Discord grumbled.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Cherries didn’t try to engage him in conversation again and Discord went back to pouting and feeling sorry for himself. Eventually the cart stopped and Cherries said, “Welcome to Paradise Estates!”

Discord looked over his shoulder in the direction Cherries was facing. “Oh, gag me...” he muttered.

Paradise Estates was a village, a series of pink-and-white condominiums. Each one was petite, plastic, and perfect. They spread out all over this particular valley, some with gardens and flower-boxes in the windows, some with stone paths leading from the pretty front door to the infrastructure of hoof-worn dirt paths. Even the shops looked like beach-side assisted-living condos. An entire village of this.

This was a place just begging for some Discord.

“I’ll take you to Medley,” said Cherries. “She ain’t a unicorn, but she’ll know what we need to do to fix you right. I reckon she's the smartest pony in the valley.” With that, Cherries set off through Paradise Estates. Discord covered his eyes with his claw and wondered if this was worth it to avoid turning into a statue.

‘Just learn about friendship,’ he told himself. ‘Just unlock the secret of this magic and you’ll be powerful enough to defeat the Elements of Harmony once and forever. Then you can come here and turn the flowers into bees and the bees into buffalo. And chocolate milk will fall from the sky.’

“Hey, Buttons!” he heard Cherries call. He rolled his head back over the edge of the cart and found himself looking upside-down at a lilac unicorn, standing just a few feet away talking to Cherries. This one had a powder blue mane and tail with a pronounced red streak, and a cutie mark of three dark pink buttons. How appropriate.

“Hi, Cherries, who’s your friend?”

“I picked him up about five miles outside town,” said Cherries.

Buttons propped herself up against the cart, the front of her legs hanging over the side. Discord raised his head and looked at her. “Hi, mister, what’s your--” but suddenly her eyes widened and she gasped. “Oh no! You don’t have nearly enough buttons!”

Buttons jumped down and ran to the back of the cart, jumped up, and then began affixing buttons to Discord’s stone body. He looked over at Cherries.

“That’s my friend Buttons,” said Cherries Jubilee. “Her special talent is buttons.”

Discord looked over at her. “How are you attaching those to me?”

“Oh. Your body is made of stone so I’m just using hot glue,” said Buttons, moving a button over. She was making a pattern of green, red, and yellow ones to suggest argyle, while only hitting the corners and the middle of each side.

“Do you mind not following such a rigid pattern?” asked Discord. “Chaos is sort of my thing.”

“But buttons are supposed to make patterns,” said Buttons. “That's what they do! Well, that and button things.”

Discord began to pick at one of them with his claw, but it was stuck fast. And, indignity of indignities, since it was affixed to the stone of his body, he was unable to use any sort of cantrip to get it off.

“Coming through!”

Buttons and Cherries Jubilee both ducked suddenly, and a pink blur whooshed past. As soon as it was gone, it came back, but this time slowly enough so that it wasn’t a blur, it was just a pegasus sporting a frazzled blue mane and double lighting bolt cutie mark, appropriately enough. “Got a message for ya!” she said in a voice full of energy.

“Hey, Firefly,” said Cherries. “What’s up?”

“Bright Eyes wants you to come to her place tonight,” said Firefly. “She wants cherry pies for the nursery again and needs to discuss.”

Buttons placed a big blue button on Firefly’s nose (she let it sit freely, not sewing or hot-gluing it to a live pony’s skin.)

“Hello, Buttons,” said Firefly.

“Is Buttons the ‘special pony’ of Paradise Estates?” Discord said out loud.

Firefly took to the air so she could look Discord up and down (after all, he was still lying in the car

t.) “Who’s your friend?’

Discord propped himself up. “I am Discord, spirit of chaos. Tremble before my ability to change reality into nonsense.”

“Okay, I’m watching,” said Firefly.

Discord flopped back. Of course he couldn’t show her, not without giving up his other claw.

Buttons laughed. “You’re funny, Discord.”

“Do any of you ponies recognize me? Isn’t my presence graced across the pages of your history books? Or do you recognize me from the statue? How far from Canterlot am I, anyway?”

“Canterlot?” said Firefly. “I’ve never been. It’s pretty far from Dream Valley, though.”

“I visited there once when I was a little filly,” said Cherries Jubilee.

“What sorts of history books would you be in?” asked Firefly. It was clear that in her mind, she was humoring him. Discord was not amused.

“Any of the ones that talk about a handsome and powerful draconequus that ruled Equestria with chaos before a certain party-pooping alicorn went and ruined my fun.”

Buttons looked to Cherries and then Firefly, and then back to Discord. “I like the new guy. Are you gonna stay here?”

“Only until I turn back into my wonderful self,” said Discord. “Who’s this Medley person you mentioned, by the way? Do you think she can fix me?”

“Oh, right, I forgot!” said Cherries. “I was gonna take you there, wasn’t I? Guess I got distracted. Oh, well, come on and let’s go.” She re-hitched herself and started walking. Buttons followed next to her, with Firefly flying above.

Medley’s place was another hideous pink condo. As they approached, they could hear strains of discordant music waving out over the Estates. ‘Maybe Medley won’t be so bad,’ thought Discord.

Medley’s condo was a royal mess inside. it was cluttered with instruments taking up nearly every last inch of free space- a stand-up piano, a harpsichord, a contra-bass, a tuba, two harps, six violins, three flutes, two oboes, and a partridge in a pear tree. The floor and every other flat surface was covered with paper. Flat, wrinkled, or crumpled completely. Medley herself, a turquoise Pegasus pony with a dark green mane and tail and a cutie mark of music notes, was was hunched over the harpsichord, face buried in her folded forelegs.

“You look sad,” said Buttons. “Do you need buttons?”

“No,” said Medley, looking up. “I do not need buttons.”

Cherries Jubilee backed the cart up against Medly’s open door so that Discord could be part of the action, even if they couldn’t get him inside. Discord watched as Cherries, Buttons, and Firefly picked their way through the mess to get to Medley.

“What’s wrong?” asked Cherries.

“It’s my music,” said Medley. “It’s no good.”

“Aw, don’t say that,” said Buttons.

“I like what I heard coming here,” Discord added.

Medley looked at him funny. “That was just me banging my hooves against the keys in frustration.”

“Music to my ears,” said Discord with a dreamy sigh. “Haven’t felt that at home all day.”

Medley looked at the other ponies. “Who is this, exactly?”

“Discord,” said Discord with a slight bow of his upper body. “Draconiquus extraordinaire.”

“He’s turning to stone,” said Cherries. “We thought you might know how to help.”

Medley looked at him with the strangest look on her face that none of the ponies could place. Then suddenly it was gone and she just looked aloof. “No, I’m sorry,” she said. “There isn’t anything we can do.”

“Aw,” said Cherries. “Sorry, guy.”

“I should have guessed that ponies wouldn’t be able to help me...”

“I’m afraid the only one that can help you is you.” She met his eyes, and for a moment he could read everything- but then she looked away and it was gone.

Firefly, flying in the air behind Medley, peeked over her shoulder at her sheet music work-in-progress. “It looks fine to me,” she said.

Medley tilted her head back to look at Firefly. “It looks fine? Well, that’s all well and good, but music doesn’t look. Music sounds. And listen to this.” She played a quick melody line. When she added the chords, it sounded a little off. Then when she went into the second section it all fell apart completely.

“I can’t fit them together. I can’t rewrite it. And I need this song ready for the Harvest Moon Festival!” She buried her face on the keyboard again, sending out G, Ab, A, Bb, B, C, C#, and D in one loud blat.

An impulse seized Discord. He clicked his claws. In a flash, the musical notes jumped off the staff and onto the keyboard: D-E-F#-G-A-B-C#-D!

“What’s this?” Medley looked bewildered. The other ponies gasped in surprise.

The notes all jumped onto the ground and scattered, running all around the room.

“Look!” Buttons cried happily. “Your music wants to be free!”

“Catch it!” shouted Medley, and all the ponies started chasing the notes. Firefly took off at rocket speed and pounced on one as it tried to run into the tuba. She crashed headlong into it and went tumbling. Cherries Jubilee flipped the trash can over onto one and it rattled around on the walls. Buttons pounced on one like a cat but it darted away. She pounced again, but it went under the piano and came out the other side, where she couldn’t find it. Discord threw his head back and laughed and laughed.

Finally, Medley grabbed a sheet of paper. The notes were cornered. She slapped the paper down on them hard. The other ponies froze. Discord stopped laughing. After a second, she lifted up a corner of the paper and checked underneath.

“Did you get ‘em?” Firefly asked, still stuck in the tuba.

Medley was beaming. She turned the paper and held it up for her friends to see- the notes were now marks on the paper again, and what’s more they were arranged on the staff. “Do you see?”

The others didn’t get it.

Medley played a quick tune on her harpsichord, similar to her previous song but a little different and somehow stronger. “My song,” she said dreamily. “I’ve found you.”

Discord waved his paw- now it was flesh and fur again, but only to the elbow. Apparently helping someone out while causing chaos wasn’t going to absolve him completely. Still, he came out ahead- he was less stone now than he was when he first came to Medley’s home. A bit more of this and he would be whole and himself again. Ready to take on Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, and the Elements of Harmony.

Cherries took Discord to the center of town. “I have to go see Bright Eyes now,” she said. “Where should I drop you off?”

“Here is fine.”

“Are you sure?” Cherries looked concerned.

Discord made a jump moving forward a bit. The sudden change in weight distribution tipped the cart so that he fell to the ground and Cherries was up in the air. “Whoa!”

“Here is fine,” said Discord, waving his paw dismissively.

“Well, if you’re sure,” said Cherries. Discord slid completely off the cart, letting Cherries back down onto the ground. She gave him a sidelong look, then trotted off.

Discord began picking at the argyle button pattern on his body. How he hated this place already. And being without most of his magic. And the looming threat of imprisonment. And idle small talk.

Self pity again in full swing, Discord thought longingly of Ponyville as the chaos capital of Equestria. That was some of his finest work ever. Pleasantly surprising he could even do so well since being out of practice for so long. Too bad Twilight couldn’t get into the spirit of things.

He was suddenly aware of Buttons sitting next to him. She stared at him until he finally said, “Hello.”

“Hi,” she chirped.

“Can I help you?”

“Can you create disharmony to spread all throughout Dream Valley? Can you turn clouds into cotton candy? Can you make it rain from the ground up? And the rain is also pie?”

“No,” said Buttons, “but I can set you upright.”

“... Fine.”

Buttons wrapped a rope around his chest, grabbed the other end, angled herself, and pulled. Discord pushed off the ground and he was finally upright again. He gave himself a look-over. “Hm. Thanks. I guess.”

“No problem.” She looked up at him with a big smile.

“You can go away now,” said Discord.

Buttons smiled and hopped away.

He slept, and was woken up without realizing he had been asleep. But now it was dark and he was alone.

No. Not alone. Someone was behind him. Once he got his bearings, he knew what was going on.

“I know you’re back there,” said Discord. He sounded haughty, but he was doing his best to hide his nervousness. Just because he wasn’t in control of the situation was no reason to act like he wasn’t.

“Did you have a good first day?”

“... Celestia.”

The princess stepped into view. She looked smug. Discord couldn’t stand smug on other people.

“You’re looking well,” said Celestia.

“Oh, back for more of your not-gloating?”

“I mean it,” said Celestia. “Your ratio of stone-to-draconequus is very good.”

“Hmph.”

“Luna didn’t think you’d last this long.”

“What do you want, Trollestia?”

“To give you words of encouragement,” she replied.

“How charitable.”

“Being stubborn and difficult isn’t going to get you out of this mess.”

“Neither are you.”

“This is something you’ll have to get out of yourself.” Celestia smiled at him, a for-real, genuine smile.
Discord rolled his head back, then looked at her. “Fine. Words of encouragement. Go. Lay it on me.”

“Actually, you’re doing so well on your own, I don’t think there’s anything I can tell you.”

“Fine. Then go away. You came all the way here to not tell me anything?”

“Let’s just say I have the nights off.” Then she turned away and took off.

Discord was alone again. He shivered.

Then he heard a clattering sound on the ground below him. When he looked down, he saw that every single button had fallen off his body and onto the ground below.

I'll Gladly Do the Dirty Work

The next morning, Discord was awaken by a sonic boom.

Well, not really. Firefly didn’t break the sound barrier, but she did whip around him at breakneck speed and land in front of him as he looked around wildly. “What? Who? Where? Sometimes why?”

Firefly laughed. “This is a message for you from Miss Majesty,” she said. “You’re violating the zoning laws of Paradise Estates, which forbids the display of large, tacky statues on public property.”

“Tacky?!”

“Tacky by Article 3 of Good Taste which lays out rules for clashing articles. A pony, goat, deer, bat, snake, lizard, lion, and eagle count as clashing.”

“I am not tacky!”

“By the laws of Paradise Estates you are.”

“Since when is pink plastic not tacky?”

“Since your mom bought a resort here.”

“That was uncalled for.”

“We need to move you. Anyplace special you want to be?”

“No,” said Discord, “I’m not moving.”

“Sorry, but we have to move you. You want us to just dump you outside of town?”

“I don’t care.”

Firefly made to start shoving him out of the way. Discord raised his paw threateningly.

“Wait!” came the tiniest, most whispered shout ever heard outside Ponyville or Cloudsdale. A light blue Earth pony came trotting up. “Um, if it’s all right...” She pushed her mane out of her eyes- it was streaked with white, orange, and yellow. “I mean... I’ll take him back to my place.”

“Uh...” Firefly looked up at Discord. “If you say so.”

“Oh, yes please.”

“I’ll get a hoofcart and move him to your place,” said Firefly. She took off.

The new pony looked up at Discord. “You’ll like it outside the nursery, Mr. Statue,” she said quietly.

“My name is Discord,” Discord said tersely.

“I’m Bright Eyes,” said the new pony. She held up a hoof. “I’m so happy to meet you, Mr. Discord.”

Discord reached his paw down as best he could and pressed it against her hoof in greeting- not quite a hoofbump, but more of a pony handshake with no hands or shaking.

Firefly brought the hoofcart and loaded Discord on it (“Careful!”), then pushed him to a much less tacky condo surrounded by a white picket fence. A sign on the gate said: “Bright Eyes’ Sweet Dreams Nursery.”

“You sure about this?” asked Firefly as she eased Discord onto the lawn.

“Quite sure, yes.” Bright Eyes looked sure, too. She said goodbye, and Firefly flew off.

Bright Eyes circled Discord on his patch in her yard. “How’s right here? Or would you rather be in the shade?”

“Oh, I don’t care,” said Discord grumpily.

“Okay. Do you need anything else? Some lemonade? A book?”

“Go away!” Discord said as his stone-encased stomach growled loudly. He was painfully aware that he hadn’t eaten since at least mid-day yesterday.

“Oh, dear,” said Bright Eyes. “That won’t do. What do you like to eat?”

“Chocolate milk and cotton candy,” snapped Discord.

“Well, that’s no good for breakfast,” said Bright Eyes. “I’ll go get you some salad. Be right back.” She scuttled off into her house.

Discord glowered after her. Then he reached out with his magic, grabbed a cloud, and pulled it over to him. On its way it turned into a huge wad of cotton candy. He took a huge bite out of it, then wrung it out over his head and lapped up the chocolate milk that came out. Then he reached out to grab the cloud with his claw-- but his claw was encased in stone! He reached over with his paw to his claw-- no, now his paw was stone, too.

He glared up at the sun. “You’re monitoring my sugar intake now? This is worth more stone than tripping up Cherries Jubilee?”

Well, now he was in a real pickle. With his body encased up to his neck, his magic was around 7% of his capacity at best. Not to mention the possibility of an itchy nose.

Just then Bright Eyes came out holding a bowl of salad. “I’m back, Mr. Discord. Do you like romaine lettuce, or should I pick up--” then she saw Discord in his current state and gave a tiny gasp. “Oh, my...” She stepped up to him cautiously. “Are you... are you all right?”

“Oh, of course!” Discord snapped. “I enjoy turning to stone! I can’t wait to be completely encased. I’ll have ever so much fun then.”

“Oh, goodness. How are you going to eat now?”

“I can eat just fine.” He picked the plate up off her saddle/tray with magic and tried to move it over to himself. It wobbled as it slowly moved over from her to him. Halfway through the trip, it suddenly dropped to the floor upside down.

“Horse apples!” Discord shouted in frustration.

“Don’t worry,” said Bright Eyes. “I’ll go get you another one.” She went back inside, while Discord wrapped himself in an insulated comforter of self-pity until she came back with another salad. To his surprise, she walked up to his feet and started climbing up his statue body.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, I can’t reach your mouth from down there, silly.”

“Why would you need to reach my mouth?”

Bright Eyes was now sitting on his arm, hanging off his side, carefully balancing the plate and holding a fork clipped to her hoof. “Open wide.” She stabbed a chunk of salad and held it out to him.

“No.”

“Oh, come on. Just one bite?”

“I would rather starve.” He narrowed his eyes to slits.

“You can’t mean that. Aren’t you hungry for a healthy meal?”

Discord growled.

“Come on. Take a bite for mama.”

“I have no mother, I was born of Chaos!”

“Just three bites,” urged Bright Eyes. “Take three bites and I’ll go back inside. Okay?”

“Just three bites, huh?” Well, it was an easy way to get rid of her. And, after all, he was sort of hungry-ish. Aw, what the hay. “Fine,” he spat with disdain, so it still looked like he was in charge here.

He opened his mouth and took a bite off the fork. He swallowed without chewing. Bright Eyes stabbed another chunk of salad, this one with a ripe cherry tomato oozing juice and seeds. Discord had to chew three times to get this one down his esophagus. Bright Eyes stabbed one more clump, this one with a crouton and a slice of cucumber on the lettuce. This bite took a bit of chewing because of the size and dryness of the crouton.

“Yay! You did it! Good for you.” Bright Eyes beamed. “As I promised, I’ll go back inside now.” She started to climb down.

“Uh, hem,” Discord coughed and then muttered something unintelligible.

“Pardon?” Bright Eyes looked up curiously.

“I said... I’mactuallykindofhungry.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m very soft spoken but I actually can’t hear you very well. Could you please speak up?”

“I SAID I’M ACTUALLY KIND OF HUNGRY, OKAY?!”

Bright Eyes smiled knowingly. “Well, if you’re sure.”

Discord scarfed down the last of his salad as quickly as he could, despite Bright Eyes warning him he would choke. He finished eating while glaring evilly at Bright Eyes.

“All done,” said Bright Eyes cheerfully, flicking a seed out of Discord’s beard.

“Get out of my sight,” said Discord with disgust.

“I’ll be back with your supper later today,” said Bright Eyes as she eased herself down. Then she took the dirty dishes inside.

“Not if I can help it,” said Discord with all of his determination. He needed to reverse this turn-to-stone thing, and he needed to make some serious progress on it by dinnertime if he didn’t want to go through the indignity of being fed like a child again.

Plus, he had that itch on his nose now, and there was no way in Equestria he was going to ask for help scratching. That was just too much.

Bright Eyes trotted back out shortly. Discord watched her cross the lawn to the front gate. Several older mares were standing on the other side, and when Bright Eyes opened the gate, several young ponies hopped forward into the yard. One of the little fillies was hiding behind the ankles of the mare, and Bright Eyes got down on her knees to look the filly in the eyes. The mare, clearly the pony’s mother, nudged her forward, saying something reassuring that Discord couldn’t hear.

The other mares left, and Bright Eyes was left with a small herd of baby ponies surrounding her. She said something to them, and then the herd trotted over to where Discord was planted. “Hello,” said Bright Eyes. “I’d like you to meet the baby ponies.”

“Great. There are baby ponies now.”

“Yes,” said Bright Eyes. “They come to my nursery on weekdays while the mothers and big sisters take care of things. Discord, I’d like you to meet the baby ponies. Girls, introduce yourselves.”

A pale blue pony with a yellow, pink-streaked mane waved a hoof at Discord. “I’m Baby Cuddles,” she said.

Bright Eyes tapped the head of a white, aqua-maned filly. “I’m Baby Cupcake!” the pony practically shouted with excitement.

“I’m Baby Half Note!” the next baby pony sang instead of spoke. She was orange, and had a yellow streak in her pink mane.

The next pony, a pink pegasus with a darker pink mane, sat up on her hind legs. “I’m Baby Heart Throb,” she said.

Bright Eyes nudged the next pony, who was crouched in the grass looking up curiously. “I’m Baby Lickety Split,” she said. Lickety Split was pink with a fading pink mane.

“I’m Baby Lofty.” A yellow pegasus with a yellow mane said, with an awkward bow.

Next, a blue unicorn with a yellow, orange-streaked mane mumbled something. “She says, ‘I’m Baby Ribbon,” said Bright Eyes.

Last was a white pony with a curly pink mane. “I’m Baby Sundance!” she chirped, got up on her heels, and tried to spin around. She fell flat on her flank, and the other ponies giggled.

“That’s not how you twirl,” said Baby Lofty. She spread her wings, got up on one hoof, and spun around once before losing her balance and planting her other hooves on the ground. “My big sister showed me that!”

“My big sister showed me how to play keyboard,” said Baby Half Note.

“Girls,” said Bright Eyes. “This is our new friend, Discord. Say hello to Discord.”

“Hi, Discord,” said the baby ponies in unison.

“Discord is a Draconequus,” said Bright Eyes. “Can you say Dra-con-e-quus?”

‘I’m having the weirdest deja vu,’ thought Discord, although he couldn’t quite say why.

The baby ponies all stumbled over the word for a bit. “Drak-en... dragon-kiss... dra-con-iss....” Then Baby Heart Throb said, “He’s a draconequus.”

“Show-off,” said Baby Lickety-Split.

“You’re the show-off, hot dog,” said Baby Heart Throb.

Baby Lickety-Split shoved Baby Heart Throb, who then shoved back. Bright Eyes jumped forward and stood between the two. “Girls! I’ll have none of that! You two apologize right now!”

Baby Cupcake laughed. “You got in trouble, you got in trouble!”

“Baby Cupcake, I’m surprised at you,” said Bright Eyes sternly. “This is no way to behave.”

“I like these ponies already,” said Discord.

“We’re learning how to play nice with other ponies,” said Bright Eyes. “Baby Lickety Split, what do you say?”

“She started it, she should apologize first!” Baby Lickety Split protested.

“I don’t care who started it,” said Bright Eyes firmly. She lowered her head and gave the baby pony a stern look. “We are all going to apologize, and it doesn’t matter who goes first because in the end we will all say we’re sorry.”

Baby Lickety Split kicked her front hoof awkwardly. “Sorry I called you a show-off,” she mumbled in Baby Heart Throb’s direction.

“Sorry I called you a hot dog,” said Baby Heart Throb. “And then pushed you.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you too.”

Bright Eyes turned to Baby Cupcake, who looked at her blankly. Bright Eyes made a ‘come on’ motion with her front hooves. Baby Cupcake caught the idea and said, “I’m sorry I teased you.”

“Well, now you ruined it,” Discord muttered under his breath.

“Would you like to play with us?” Baby Ribbon asked Discord, looking up at him with big, green eyes.

“I can’t really play very easily, can I?” Discord said.

“We can play make believe,” said Baby Ribbon. She got up and trotted off. Discord couldn’t turn his head all the way around so he couldn’t see where she was going, but in a minute she was back with some baby’s breath in her mouth. She put them down at his feet. “You be the flower shop, okay?”

“Uh... okay.”

Baby Ribbon went off to play with the other ponies, who had already migrated with Bright Eyes to the other end of the yard, secure in the knowledge that whatever happened in her games of make-believe today, should the need for one arise, the flower shop would be waiting for her.

For a while after that, Discord watched the baby ponies frolicking and playing. It was extremely annoying, having them prance around all over the place, shrieking and making noise, while he was stuck exposed to it like this. If only he could get his head turned to stone, too, then at least he couldn’t hear them. But no, he wouldn’t do that- aside from the fact that he didn’t want to be trapped in stone for the rest of time, he certainly didn’t want Celestia to win. He had to think of a way out of this. Too bad it wasn’t easy to do with a herd of baby ponies making such a ruckus.

Eventually, sweet relief came in the form of Bright Eyes standing up among them and saying loudly, “All right, children, it’s time to take our nap.”

“Not tired!” Baby Lickety Split called out.

“Nope, not tired!” Baby Half Note sang.

“Come on, now,” said Bright Eyes gently. “Don’t you want to be all rested and refreshed for when your mommies and big sisters come to get you?”

“I can’t sleep,” said Baby Lofty. “If I sleep a troll will take my eyelids.”

“What? Who told you that?”

“Baby Lickety Split.”

“No I didn’t!” Baby Lickety Split shouted.

“Will a troll really eat my eyelids?” Baby Ribbon asked, panic rising.

“No, no, of course not,” said Bright Eyes. “Trolls don’t like to eat baby pony eyelids.”

“I don’t want to get my eyelids eaten!”

Discord threw his head back and groaned dramatically. Then he had an idea. He used his weak magic and managed to pull a little something from each of the baby ponies, eight glowing symbols extracted: a yellow teddy bear, a pink cupcake, a green star, a lone heart, a vanilla ice cream cone, a blue hot-air balloon, a white ribbon, and an elegant pink heart pattern. Now his claw and part of his chest chest were free. He arranged the glowing symbols in a circle, hung on strings, and hung them in the air.

“Ooh,” said Baby Sundance.

“Pretty,” said Baby Lofty.

Bright Eyes began to hum, and the symbols began to play a music-box melody from her song. The Baby Ponies were now all quiet, and they stared up at the giant mobile in awe. The song was hauntingly pretty and strangely calming. Slowly his paw came free, and he used it to spin the mobile gently and wrap it’s enchantment around each one of the baby ponies.

Baby Ribbon was the first to yawn. Then one by one the other Baby Ponies seemed to be calm and tired. Bright Eyes led them one by one inside, where she had their nap mats all set up. As soon as they were all gone, Discord dropped his claw and the mobile disappeared. He huffed his breath out.

Bright Eyes came out a minute later, trotted up to him, and then kissed him on the knee.

“What?” Discord gave her a weird look.

“Thanks for helping me,” she said.

“Thank you for getting those brats away from me so I could have some quiet.” He meant it sarcastically, but Bright Eyes took it as genuine.

Bright Eyes started back for her door, but then turned around and said, “The baby ponies will be going home soon. What would you like to do when they’re gone?”

“To be left alone by you,” said Discord.

“If that’s how you feel.” Bright Eyes went back into the house, and Discord wished she didn’t.

It rained that night.

The pegasis ponies were pushing the clouds around all afternoon, and in the early evening Bright Eyes came out with an umbrella, which she opened and tucked in the crook of Discord’s back, where it could shelter him from the coming water. Discord took his newly freed hands and used them to flip the umbrella inside out and throw it on the ground after Bright Eyes went back inside.

His little show if defiance turned out to have bad consequences, as when it started drizzling he had no protection from the rain. And, to his dismay, he realized he couldn’t reach the umbrella to collect it back. It didn’t take long for the rain to soak down through his fur and what felt like to his bone.

His ears stuck to the side of his face. In the house, he could see Bright Eyes stirring a fire in her fireplace. Then her silhouette disappeared from the window, and re-appeared in the kitchen window on the other side of the door. She was cooking something for dinner. Discord couldn’t smell it, as his nose was starting to stuff up, but he imagined it smelled great.

No, he thought. I will not break. I will not break. I will not break.

Even if it is warm inside. And dry. And I’m hungry.

This is just as bad as being in a statue.

But this isn’t forever.

Well, it is if you don’t ever get any further than this.

Is that bolognese?

I will not break. I will not break. I will not break... I will...

I will not...

I want to go inside.

Discord slumped over, his spine bending in half at the stone. Then, slowly, like spaghetti, he slipped down until he was lying on the wet grass.

It took him a minute to react. He turned around and saw that he was free, his wings, his legs, down to the tip of his tail. He gave his tail a wiggle and his wings a flap. Then he got up on all fours, but then slid back down.

“Did someone replace my bones with cement?” he said out loud. He felt like there was a huge weight inside him, dragging him down. Without even trying, he was sure that if he tried to perform any magic, not only would he revert back to stone, but he actually may not even be able to pull it off in the first place.

He got up and walked over to the door, slowly and deliberately. Throwing off all pretense of haughtiness, he knocked on her door. It didn’t take more than half a minute for her to answer it, opening the door a crack and peeking out, then opening it all the way to Discord. “Won’t you come in?” she offered.

He nudged her aside and let himself in the foyer. He was larger than ponies, but somehow when he arched his back the way it was naturally inclined, he wasn’t too much bigger than they were. Quite a bit, yes, but not too much. In any case he fit in the house nicely.

“I’ll go get you some towels,” said Bright Eyes.

Discord showed himself to the living room, where the fireplace was roaring fully stocked. The heat felt good all over his wet fur, and he curled up tight as he could. He didn’t move when Bright Eyes came back with the towels and rubbed his fur frizzy.

“If you’re hungry, we’re having dinner in the dining room.”

“I’ll take it here,” said Discord.

“We’re having dinner in the dining room,” Bright Eyes repeated firmly. Then she left to the kitchen. Discord heard the sounds of pots and pans moving, of dishes being removed and placed. And he could smell the wonderful smell of bolognese tickling his nostrils even though the stuffiness. It wasn’t cotton candy, but it wasn’t entirely repulsive, either.

Discord got up, stretched like a cat, and trotted into the next room on all fours. The kitchen was small, and there wasn’t really enough room for the table that Bright Eyes had put in it. There were two chairs, mis-matched. One was like the table, but the other one was clearly pulled in from the dining room. A second, smaller, plastic table was flipped on its side and pressed against the wall, legs folded. It’s bright primary colors and size hinted that this was a snack table for the foals. Good thing Bright Eyes didn’t seat him there.

It wasn’t much better, though; as soon as Discord sat down, Bright Eyes tied a bib around his neck. He went to take it off but Bright Eyes said, “Ah-ah-ah! Spaghetti bolognese is a little messy, so let’s try to stay as neat as possible, okay?”

Discord didn’t protest on the grounds that it would get him his dinner faster. Bright Eyes didn’t say anything as he gobbled the food down, although she did smile knowingly when he caught a glimpse of his bib post-meal (covered in sauce, natch.) He took it off and dropped it on the table.

Bright Eyes went to wash the dishes, and Discord went back to the fire. It wasn’t late, but it did feel like it, given how tired he was and how dark the storm clouds made it. A low rumble of thunder rolled over the landscape, but nothing to suggest a frenzied storm was on the horizon. Discord felt himself being lulled to sleep, cozy and comfortable. He was almost completely asleep when he felt a heavy blanket fall over him. He opened one eye to see Bright Eyes in the doorway, blowing out the lamp and leaving. He pulled the blanket over his head and gave himself entirely over to sleep.

It sure beat sleeping standing up in town square.

It seemed that Discord would spend a warm and comfortable night there in the family room by the fire, but all was not well. Sometime around two o’clock in the morning, he started to wake up but he wasn’t sure why.

His dreams were ugly, being full of ponies and rainbows chasing him and then burying him alive. “Now you will be punished forever!” roared Celestia in the Royal Canterlot Voice. Then he was trapped and couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. He really couldn’t breathe, though. Lying down the airway in his nose was stopped up and running. His stomach turned flip-flops. Slowly it began to ache and groan until it was so uncomfortable he couldn’t stand it. It felt like gravel weighting down inside him. This was Celestia’s punishment, wasn’t it?

No- this was real. This was how he really felt, awake. And Celestia- that was a dream, wasn’t it? It was hard to tell teetering on the edge between wakefulness and sleeping. All he knew was that his tummy was upset and his nose was stopped up and his head hurt from the dim firelight, and...

No sense in putting it off, he thought as his stomach gave a horrible turn. He propped himself up on his elbows and retched. The bolognese burned all the way up. It took his stomach several heaves to rid itself of food, and each retch was more painful than the last. Even when it was all gone the reflex was there, but as soon as he had it under control he flopped back down on the ground, avoiding his supper.

At first Discord only heard the crackle of the fire, but then he heard hoofsteps, and the door down the hall opening. Bright Eyes was back. “Is everything all right?” she asked.

Discord groaned.

Bright Eyes went over and saw him. “Oh, dear,” she said. She reached a hoof out and smooshed it on his forehead. “You don’t look so good... you must have picked up something with the fillies today. Little kids can be very germy.”

Right. And spending a thousand years in stone doesn’t really leave you in top shape to fight off germs.

“Here,” said Bright Eyes. “Get up.”

Discord had never been so obedient as he was now, tired and sick as he was. He got up on all fours. She took his claw and led him through the house, down the hall and into another room. This one had a double bed in it. After Bright Eyes had wiped his chin and beard with a washcloth, she pulled the sheets back. Discord didn’t need telling twice. He was too big for a pony bed, but if he curled up under the covers it was actually comfortable. Oh, who was he kidding- it was the most comfortable thing he’d ever snuggled down on. Even cotton candy got sticky in his fur.

Bright Eyes got him a pail and a large glass of water. “You can rinse your mouth,” she said. Discord didn’t respond. She patted his head. “Poor thing.”

Discord ignored her. He thought Bright Eyes left, but he fell asleep again almost right away, so he wasn’t sure if she lingered or not.

Sunlight came the next morning and woke Discord up. He waved his paw to close the curtains and found he had no magic. At all.

At this point, he was neither surprised nor particularly frustrated. He was getting used to feeling like an earth pony.

He wasn’t sure how long he just lay there before Bright Eyes showed up and started taking care of him again. She drew the curtains to keep the sun out. She asked him if he was hungry, which he wasn’t. She re-filled his glass of water and emptied his pail (he had used it once more.)

It was weird- for as long as Discord could remember, no one had really done anything for him. He couldn’t remember being a child. For all he knew, he never was one. Even if he had been, though, it seemed unlikely that someone had cooked him meals and cleaned up his messes. So he felt secure in saying to himself that he never had a mother.

It was a strange feeling.

Discord slept most of that day, and in his sleep his legs and tail lolled off the side of the bed. He was a bit too big for a pony bed. He woke up in the afternoon from a combination of cramps due to his awkward position and the sound of children outside. The baby ponies were undoubtedly back. He slept some more, and when he woke up they were gone.

He was feeling better.

Bright Eyes came back when the sun was setting. Discord squirmed and sat up.

“Hello,” said Bright Eyes. “You look much better.”

Discord didn’t know what to say.

Bright Eyes brushed her mane out of her face. “I’ve made up a room for you,” she said. “It’s the old guest room. I fixed it up just for you since you got here, so you can go see it when you want to. If you’re feeling up to it, dinner will be ready at six. We’re having orecchiette, but I can make you some dry toast if your stomach is still upset.”

Bright Eyes waited to see if Discord was going to say anything. When it looked as if he didn’t intend to reply, she turned to leave. She was surprised when he spoke just as she was leaving, but even more surprised at what he said.

“So, what, your special talent is kids?”

She turned around and smiled. “That’s right.”

“Do you have any of your own?”

“No, I don’t.”

Discord cocked his head. “Why not?”

Bright Eyes shrugged. “It just never worked out that way.”

“Huh.”

“But I’m happy with what I have,” Bright Eyes continued. “Why do you ask?”

Discord shrugged.

When Bright Eyes was gone, he crawled out of bed and across the hall. He wasn’t sure which room she meant by the guest room, but there weren’t a whole lot of rooms in the house. He knew it when he saw it, too: it had a big, round bed in it that was exactly the right size for him to curl up in. He tested the mattress, and it was soft and cozy.

He looked around. There was a toy chest and a dresser, most likely here because there wasn’t room for it anywhere else. The small closet was empty. A bay window overlooked the backyard.

Discord sat down on the bed. My room, he thought. I have a room.

Discord felt very strange, and he didn’t really know what to make of it. When Bright Eyes called him for dinner, he curled up and pretended to sleep so that he could be alone.

When he sniffed out dinner later, he found a plate made up in the icebox, waiting for him.

There's a Rainbow There Somewhere

Princess Celestia landed on the ground after raising the sun. Another beautiful day, shining all over Equestria, made possible by her grace and magic. She had done it more times than she could count, yet there was still a special feeling inside her whenever she landed on the ground after raising the sun to greet another gorgeous day. Now, all she had to do was head to the back of the palace, where she could wait for--

“Celestia.”

Princess Luna stood in front of Celestia. Curse her cleverness, she had used the long morning shadows to hide herself so she could step out just when Celestia was wrapped up in the beauty of her morning and there was no way to avoid her.

“Good morning, Luna,” said Celestia. “Did you have a nice night?”

“Why have you been avoiding me, dear sister?” Luna wasn’t going to waste any time in cutting to the chase.

“Avoiding you? I haven’t been avoiding you.” Celestia began to walk back to the palace, and Luna fell into pace behind her. “You know how flighty I can be sometimes. I must have just been flitting about in different parts of Canterlot--”

“We need to talk about this,” said Luna.

“Go ahead and talk, I’m listening.”

Luna jumped ahead and stood in front of Celestia, who stopped. “No. You and me. Not the Royal We. Celestia and Luna need to talk.”

“What about? The weather? Sports? I hear the Canterlot Polo team is favored to win today’s match against--”

“About Discord.”

“I see,” said Celestia. “Not a polo fan, then?”

“Tia,” warned Luna.

Celestia sighed. “All right. You’ve got me. I have been avoiding you because I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

“You would be right,” said Luna. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you can banish me, who was once good, to the moon for a thousand years while you let him, a creature that can never be any more than a monster, run free. But Celestia, you owe it to me to try.”

Celestia sighed. “I do owe it to you, dear sister, and I apologize. Come. Let us walk through the garden.”

The grass in the garden gave off a lovely earthy smell this early in the morning, the flowers fragrant. Already animals were flitting about, because this time was theirs. It was so peaceful and tranquil, that even with such charged emotions running between the sisters it would be impossible for them to fight. This was a time for productive discussion, not angry arguing. The two regal sisters walked slowly, going nowhere but needing to move.

Before Luna could ask a question, Celestia cleared her throat. “Well. About Discord, then. Luna, you must understand that I did not want to lock you away. That wasn’t my first choice, or my second or even third. Especially to use the elements we once wielded together, as a symbol of our bond, to drive you away from me for so long.”

“I regret that I did not give you much choice,” Luna coneeded.

“Looking back there may have been a better way. We were much younger then, and both a bit foalish. When you broke free as Nightmare Moon, I feared that the sister I loved so long ago truly was gone forever. But then, the morning of the Summer Sun Celebration, seeing you as yourself, and hearing you say how much you loved and missed me...” Celestia stopped talking, and stopped walking. There were tears on both ponies’ faces.

“I don’t like to do these things,” said Celestia. “When I saw that you could be redeemed, I thought, why not him?”

“Because he’s nothing but the spirit of Chaos,” said Luna. “He can’t exist any other way.”

“That’s just it, dear sister,” said Celestia. “I always assumed that, because he was born from chaos that there was no other way for him to exist. But Luna, what if I was wrong? What if Discord is the sum of influences in his life rather than the embodiment of an abstract idea?”

Luna turned that thought over in her head. “You mean... what if he’s just an all-powerful but spoiled grown-up child who’s never been told ‘no’ before?”

“I owe it to him to find out. I owed it to you.”

Luna rubbed her neck against Celestia’s. “You don’t owe me anything but to love me,” she said. “If you’re wrong, then Discord turns back to stone of his own accord. But if you’re right... then someone is spared.”

Celestia’s tears fell on Luna’s mane. “I do love you, little sister.”

“I love you, too.”

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away, Discord gagged.

Bright Eyes looked up from her breakfast. “Something wrong?”

Discord started digging in his ears. “No... just had a weird sensation that something overly sentimental was going on and it involved me somehow.”

“Oh.” Bright Eyes picked up her plate and went to the sink. “I’ll be with the baby ponies again today. Will you stay?”

“No,” said Discord. “I’d like to talk to a certain someone.”

“All right,” said Bright Eyes. “Could you wash the breakfast dishes before you go?”

Discord opened his mouth to say no, but he suddenly felt his tail slam on the floor, the tip of it now being solid stone. He quickly changed his mind. “I’d be delighted,” he said through his teeth. Bright Eyes smiled, and Discord finished breakfast.

Half an hour later he was out of the house and down the path. He couldn’t fly yet, so he had to walk. Discord never walked to get somewhere before, he only walked for the sake of walking. At first he strolled down the path on his hind legs, but then felt off-balance and went down to all fours. Either way the ponies all gave him strange looks. Discord didn’t really care. Usually he enjoyed the attention, but today he was preoccupied with his current predicament. The time for self-pity was over. Now was the time for action.

Discord remembered the way to Medly’s house, where Cherries Jubilee had taken him three days ago. Had it really only been three days? He wondered to himself, tallying up the days in his mind. Yesterday he had been sick. The day before that he had moved into Bright Eyes’s yard. And the day before that... he had been turned to stone and sent to Dream Valley.

So, yeah. Three days.

Medley’s house was quiet when he let himself through the front gate. He was disappointed not to hear strains of discordant music, but pleased that he didn’t have to listen to any well-composed music.

Discord rang Medley’s doorbell, and it chimed out the first ten notes of a familiar tune. “Just a minute,” Medley called warmly. Discord shoved his finger on the doorbell and held it there, causing the chime to repeat the first note rapidly. “Just a minute!” Medley called again, this time with much more irritation in his voice.

Discord held his finger on the button until the occupant yanked the door open. “How can I help you?” she said with a snarl.

“Hi,” said Discord. “Can I come in?”

Medley leaned her head way out the door and looked around. Nopony was looking at them. She looked up at discord. “Make it quick.” She grabbed his mane with her teeth and yanked him inside, bucking the door shut behind them.

When she let go, Discord rubbed his neck. “You tugged on my hair,” he said.

Medley spat out some hairs. “I know.”

“What’s with the attitude?” said Discord. “You weren’t like this the other day.” He shoved a few woodwinds aside and flopped down on her couch.

“I wasn’t sure who you were the other day.” Medley had her wings up and out- a common defense mechanism to make herself look bigger, an instinct held over from her wild pony ancestors. “I thought, oh, it does look like him, but then it’s been years since my study of ancient statues and curses, and you were only mostly stone. It just didn’t make sense. Why would he be here of all places, and why would he even be partly free?

“Well, I did my homework and now there can be no question.” Medley put her snout right up by Discord’s face. “You’re the spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. Here to ruin the peace of Dream Valley.

The silence echoed in Discord’s ears after Medley finished.

Always ready to say the wrong thing, Discord said, “Are we going to kiss now?”

Medley put her hooves on his chest and shoved.

“Okay, okay,” said Discord, rubbing the spot where she touched him. “You’re wrong, though. I’m here to make friends.”

“Good luck,” Medley scoffed.

“Why did you let me inside?”

“I was planning on murdering you in my basement.”

Discord laughed.

“Don’t tempt me.”

Discord stood up. “Well, I can see that you’ll be of no help. I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, it really is impossible for a pony to know everything. Cherries may think you’re smart, but...” He was already casually strolling to the door.

Medley didn’t watch him go. Instead she started picking up the woodwinds Discord had knocked over. “You want to know if I can help you out of a jam and just won’t?”

“Of course you couldn’t. After all, you’re not a unicorn.”

“You can leave now,” said Medley.

So Discord left.

On the path outside Medley’s house, he re-assesed his situation. Cherries had said Medley could help him. Somehow, even though he knew couldn’t really be true, he had fixated on that. Asking Medley for help was a much easier goal than “learn how to make friends and overthrow Celestia.” But if any other ponies were like her, this friend-making business wasn’t going to be easy for him.

Good thing Discord wasn’t afraid of a challenge.

CRACK!

“Heads up!”

Discord looked up and saw a pink blur--

--and then black with lots of white stars.

‘Hey, when did I fall on my back?’ he wondered. Good thing, because he suddenly had a splitting headache.

“Eh, sorry,” said a pony voice above him. “You okay, Tacky?”

“Did you get the license number of that apple truck?” Discord’s voice sounded funny.

He heard Medley over from her house. “What are you doing, Firefly?”

“Racing myself!”

Discord recognized Firefly’s voice. The stars were fading and now he could see a pink blur standing over his head.

“Why do you have to fly so dangerously?” Medly said.

Firefly laughed. “Danger is my life, Medley!”

Discord sat up, rubbing his head. “Am I dead?”

“I’m really sorry,” said Firefly. “I’m trying to beat my time from the front gates of Paradise Estates to the top of Dream Castle. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” said Discord. “It didn’t hurt much at all... I mean, it’s not like you were going that fast.”

Firefly jumped up and landed in a pouncing stance. “Are you kidding me? I’m the fastest pegasis in Dream Valley!”

“Uh-huh,” said Discord with a mock yawn, “and I’m the fastest tortoise in the desert. So we both have something to be proud of.”

“You think you’re faster than me?”

“I don’t have to be a rabbit to know a turtle is slow.” Discord flapped his wings. “But yes, if I wasn’t still weighted down by the Elements of Harmony, I would be flying circles around you.”

Firefly flipped her mane. “Excuses,” she laughed. “Yeah, you could fly faster than me... if you were faster than me!” Then she flattened her ears. “How about a race?”

“Fine.”

Firefly lifted herself up in the air. Discord followed, not letting himself show how relieved he was to realize he could actually fly. Not very well, he was heavy and wobbly, but he was airborne. Firefly pointed with her hoof. “See that castle on that part of the hill, way over there?”

Discord squinted. He could see pink-capped stone towers quite a ways away. “Yeah.”

“First one to the tallest tower wins,” said Firefly. Then she shouted to the house, where Medley was still watching with amusement, “Medley! Count us down!”

Medley sighed. “Okay, okay. Ready... steady... go!”

Firefly took off like a bolt. Discord went off too, as fast as he could. He was never really one for speed, and he didn’t expect to beat her even at his peak, not without cheating and using his magic to trip her up. But for the first time since his arrival, he cut free of any sort of boundary and really went for broke. He felt the wind, his body was heavy but free.

When he got to the tower, Firefly was already there, leaning against the spire and cleaning her hooves idly. Discord was out of breath.

“I’ve been waiting,” said Firefly playfully.

“Race you back,” panted Discord. “Double or nothing.”

“We didn’t bet anything.”

“Oh, so you’re chicken. Pwok, pwok, pwok!” Discord flapped his arms and everything.

Firefly narrowed her eyes and grinned. “Count us down.”

“Five, four, three, two, one!” Discord was already off before the three was out of his mouth. Firefly didn’t complain, because immediately after he finished saying “one,” she was in front of him.

Between Paradise Estates and Dream Castle was a large, grassy field, with gentle slopes and wide patches of wildflowers. Firefly paused over the field, then she started ascending straight up, no curves. Discord, not really competing as much as he was playing, followed her up to the clouds. When she was as high as she wanted, she stopped and waited for Discord to match her altitude, which he soon did.

She grinned. He smiled back. Then she dove.

Firefly flew towards the ground at breakneck speed. She flew so fast that the wind stung her eyes until they teared, and the wind in her ears drowned out every other sound. Beside her, Discord matched her speed nose down. This wasn’t a free-fall. They were both actively propelling themselves towards the ground as strongly as possible.

The instant before Firefly hit the ground she pulled out of the dive and skimmed along the grass until she slowed enough to stop. Meanwhile, right before Discord hit the ground he made a giant pillow of cotton candy below him that dispersed all of his falling energy in a tasty, sugary flop. And since his intentions were benign, it didn't cost him any body parts.

Firefly fluttered over to Discord’s landing pillow. “Cool,” she said. “I didn’t know you were magic.” Discord began popping chunks of spun sugar into his mouth. Firefly trotted over and sniffed the cotton candy curiously. “How did you do that?”

“Magic,” replied Discord. “Duh. Here, have some.”

Firefly took a big bite out of the cotton candy cushion. It dissolved in her mouth and made her shiver. “It’s good,” she said.

Suddenly Buttons burst out of the cotton candy, taking a huge bite. “Yum! Delicious!” she shouted happily.

“Buttons?” Firefly was startled onto her hind legs. She eased herself back down. “Where did you come from?”

“I love cotton candy!” Buttons took another big bite.

Firefly laughed. “Buttons, you are so random.”

Discord got off the cotton candy before it melted into his fur. Then all three of them finished it off together. Full of sweetness, they lay down on the grass, heads together, bodies apart.

“What else can you do?” asked Firefly.

Buttons piped up, “Well, I can make a self-shank, and I can do a sew-through, and I can fasten a stud-button--”

Firefly shook her head. “No, no, no. I meant Discord. I know what you can do.”

“Oh! Sorry!” Buttons giggled.

Discord thought about the question. “My specialty is chaos and disharmony. But I’m not allowed to do that.”

“Huh,” said Firefly. “You’re a pretty good flier.”

“You think?”

Buttons rolled over onto her belly. “I bet you’d be good at buttons,” she offered.

Discord didn’t ask how one would be “good” at buttons. Instead he got up and stretched, first his arms, then his back, then his legs.

Firefly watched him. “Whatchya doin’?”

Discord smiled. “Finishing our race,” he said smugly the instant before he took off.

Firefly jumped up. “Oh, no you don’t!” she cried happily, and flew off right after him.

Buttons hopped along after them, not seeming to care that she was far, far behind. “Ooh! Ooh! Are we racing? I love racing! Ready, set, go!

That evening Bright Eyes was alone in her house. The baby ponies had gone home, and she had cleaned up after them. All the toys were back in the toy box, the storybooks ordered and back on the shelf, the snack table scrubbed clean, and the nap mats rolled up and put away. Bright Eyes lit a fire and fixed herself a cup of herbal tea, then settled into her easy chair to relax. Bright Eyes spent many nights alone, mentally unwinding and relaxing in preparation of the next day.

She heard a ruckus approaching from outside, at first faintly but steadily growing louder as the shouting and laughing drew nearer. Finally, when the sound reached it’s apex the door swung open, and in strutted Discord with Firefly flapping behind him and Buttons bouncing happily.

“I so beat you!” Firefly crowed.

“You did not, you were dead last!”

“I was ahead by a country mile!”

“Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!” Buttons cheered as she bounced.

Then Bright Eyes spoke, and even though she barely raised her soft voice, she was heard- and Firefly and Buttons shut their mouths right away, with Discord quieting up too soon after he saw his conversation partners were mute.

All Bright Eyes said was, “Please use your indoor voices.”

Buttons sat down and put her hooves over her mouth. Firefly landed. “Sorry,” she said in a slightly quiet voice.

Bright Eyes turned to Discord. “Where have you been all day?”

“Out,” said Discord. “Me and Firefly were racing, and Buttons was the color commentator.”

“You’re very late for dinner,” said Bright Eyes.

“Well, I filled up on cotton candy.”

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

Firefly, ears hanging low, looked to Buttons. “We should go,” she whispered. Buttons nodded, and the two ponies slinked away.

Bright Eyes bid them goodbye and closed the door behind them. “If you’re going to live here, I think we need to set some ground rules,” she said to Discord.

Discord gaped at her. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Can we work together and agree on something that’s fair to both of us?”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll crash somewhere else.”

“If that’s what you think is best.”

Without a word, Discord left the house and the yard, and began walking along the beaten paths of Paradise Estates. He didn’t care about leaving Bright Eyes. Who did that pony think she was, anyway? Besides, he’d never wanted to be there in the first place. For some stupid reason, she’d stuck him in her yard like an ornament, with all those irritating baby ponies prancing around and making noise. Okay, sure, she’d let him inside when it was raining, and she fed him that exquisite Italian dish... and let him sleep in her bed when he got sick... and then gave him his own room when it was clear he didn’t need to live in the yard anymore... and it was getting cold... and Firefly said it might rain... and Bright Eyes was a superb cook... and he really didn’t know anypony else in Paradise Estates...

Discord was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize where he was until he was directly in front of Bright Eyes' front gate. Whether he’d gone in a circle or just turned around at some point he wasn’t sure. And, though it disgusted him to do it, he went up the path and back inside her house.

Bright Eyes was back on the easy chair with her tea. She smiled when she saw him.

“Okay,” said Discord, trying to save face. “I have decided to hear your terms before deciding whether or not they are acceptable to me.”

She set her teacup down. “Glad to hear it.”

Discord flopped on the floor by the fire. Bright Eyes sat down on the floor next to him. “First things first,” she said, and cleared her throat. “Before you go out, I would like to know where you’re going and who you’ll be with.”

“Why?”

Bright Eyes continued, “and you must return home before it gets dark. Dinner will be at six and I want you home and washed up before then.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“I want you to make your bed every morning when you get up, and clean your dishes and set them to dry after every meal.”

Now Discord’s mouth was just hanging open.

“Oh, and you’ll also be responsible for a few household chores. I’ll leave out a list at the beginning of the day. Nothing too difficult, just things like sweeping up and taking out the recycling.” Bright Eyes took a sip of her tea. “I think that’s everything.”

“You can’t be serious.”

Bright Eyes smiled.

“I’m not your foal, you know.”

“I know.”

Discord rolled his eyes.

“And,” she added sternly, “we will show proper respect. Do not roll your eyes at me, mister.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I want what’s best for you.”

Discord gagged.

“All right.” Bright Eyes made direct bright eye contact and something in her look made Discord’s shoulders sink and his ears droop. “I think you need to go and calm down for a few minutes.”

“Are you... giving me a time-out?”

“Why don’t you go lie on your bed and think about this?”

“Are you sending me to my room?”

“And don’t come out until I say so.”

“... Are you grounding me?!”

Bright Eyes stared him down. Discord didn’t stand a chance, and after a try at defiance he slinked to his room and curled up on his bed. It wasn’t easy going from being Chaos Ruler of Equestria to answering to a nursery pony. But he wasn’t about to fall back into his game of self-pity.

As he curled up on his bed a strange memory came to him very suddenly. He couldn’t see it- there was blue above him and green below him, but that was it. He was tiny, and he was having trouble flying. Somepony- or somebody- was laughing at him and making him cry. The smell of mud stung his nostrils. No one came to help him, so he just cried.

When the memory passed, Discord rolled over onto his back. ‘That was strange,’ he thought. What brought that up? Who was laughing at him, and why?

He felt a slight burning in his throat, like heartburn if he had been eating. He sat up and burped- then he belched loudly, spewing a torrent of green smoke.

From the other room, Bright Eyes called, “And what do we say?”

“Must have been a barge coming through!” he called back.

“Discord...” she warned.

“Excuse me,” said Discord in the most nasal voice he could manage. Bright Eyes seemed to accept that, as she didn’t say anything else.

Discord turned his attention to what his belch had produced- besides an awful smell, he now had a scroll in his hand. It was wrapped in a red ribbon and fastened with a drop of wax bearing the Royal Canterlot Seal. On some level he’d known a Draconequus was dragon enough to send and receive letters through firemail. However, no one had ever sent him a letter, and he’d never had anyone to write to. He pinched it very carefully, and opened it with his claw.

My Reluctant Student Discord,

Discord sneered and considered shredding the letter and sending it right back. Something compelled him to finish it first, though.

How are you? It has been a few days since I sent you to Dream Valley. I’m sorry I can’t drop by, but I would love to hear how you’re doing. Have you made any friends? I noticed you were covered in affection when I last saw you. I hope your hands are free now so you can write me a letter. I look forward to hearing from you.

Your Ruler,
Princess Celestia

Discord crumpled up the letter. “She wants to know how I’m doing, eh?” he growled. “Oh, I’ll tell her how I’m doing.” He began searching the room, knocking things over and making a mess until he found some paper and a quill in the dresser. He gritted his teeth and wrote,

Dear Princess Trollestia,
If you really hope that I’m not made of stone, you know you have the power to remedy that any time you want. I am giving serious consideration to going back on my don’t-turn-ponies- into-stone stance, as I now think I would still be better than you even if I did stoop to that particular level.

Have I made any friends? Well, let’s see. There’s Cherries Jubilee. She took me to town, dumped me in town square, and I haven’t seen her since. And I can’t forget Miss Whiplash, known to the locals as Firefly. She’s always flying at the speed of sound and knocking me over. Then there’s Buttons, who rides the short wagon to school, if you catch my drift. Oh, and I can’t forget that snob Medley, who knows who I am and hates my guts. Not to mention I’m living with a pony who I am convinced is trying to turn me into her foal. As we speak I am being grounded in my room.

So yes, Celestia, I am making lots of friends. Maybe we’ll have a big friendship party. I’ll invite you once we pick a date. Bring a dish to share.

Your reluctant “student,”
Discord

Without proofreading, he sent the letter off. Then he threw himself onto the bed and, quite surprisingly, fell right to sleep.

Day five.

Discord lay in bed for a long time after he woke up. It was still dark out, but he couldn’t fall back to sleep. His head swam with the events of the past week. He was trapped in stone for over a thousand years and free from it for only a few days.

This week felt longer.

If it weren’t for those cursed Elements of Harmony--

Discord sat up. The Elements of Harmony. The representation of friendship. What were they? Laughter, of course. Honesty. Generosity. Loyalty. Kindness. Magic.

If those mares could wield them instead of Celestia and Luna, then maybe he could build his own troop of friendship to take the power from Twilight Sparkle and those. Then he would banish all of them and become the ruler of all Chaos!

It could work. It could really, really work.

Discord was in such a good mood that he decided to get up and make breakfast. He’d never cooked a meal before in his life, but he’d watched ponies eat so he figured he had a pretty good idea of how it worked. Sure he made a pretty big mess doing it, but it was probably just all part of the process.

When he was nearly through cooking, Bright Eyes padded into the room. She was wearing her robe and slippers, and looked very tired. Her mane had a serious case of bedhead, and her hairs were sticking out all over. “Discord?” she said, stifling a yawn. “Why are you up so early?”

“Fell asleep early. Woke up early.” He glanced at her. “I’m not still grounded, am I?”

“No...” She looked confused.

He reached over and tweaked some of her hairs. “Love your mane,” he said with a wink.

Bright Eyes sat down. “What did you make?”

Discord dropped a plate on the table. “Eggs and toast.”

Bright Eyes stared, her bright eyes big and round. The toast was black and shriveled, dropping crumbs by the spoonful. The egg was half raw, half burned, the yolk broken and spilled all over the whites, and the entire shell was broken up and mixed in with the rest of the egg.

Bright Eyes looked at Discord, who was watching her with an unreadable expression. She then leaned down and took a tiny bite of the curled part of the egg.

“It’s no good, huh?”

Bright Eyes swallowed. “Well, it was a good effort.”

Discord went to the cabinet and poured a bowl of cereal. He put it dry in front of Bright Eyes, pushing the plate out of the way with the same fluid gesture. She leaned over to take a mouthful, when suddenly it burst into flames under her nose. She jumped back, startled but unharmed. Discord grabbed the bowl and tossed it into the sink, then pumped milk from the faucet onto it to put out the flames.

He laughed- of course he did it on purpose. “I guess I really don’t know how to cook.” He smiled broadly at Bright Eyes until she began to laugh softly, too. Then she got up and fished leftovers out of the icebox for them to share.

Everything's Going Full Swing

The next month passed in relative peace. Which was strange, considering we’re talking about Discord here. Bright Eyes had him doing chores around the house, which drove him crazy, but she also kept him fed and warm, which he liked. She also had him help take care of the baby ponies, which to his relief mostly involved playing with them. He’d never played with baby ponies before, but he found them quite fun. Their games of make-believe often came off as random and disjointed, which he interpreted as a childlike version of the chaos he so dearly loved.

Some days he went out to fly. He had a good view of all of Dream Valley. Paradise Estates was at one end, and Dream Castle at the other. All throughout were rolling hills, wide meadows, a gentle river, and even a thick, dark forest. Some days Firefly joined him, but other days his flight patterns were too tame for her and she let him be. Some days he didn’t fly, but instead romped around on the ground. Occasionally on those days Buttons would join him. She was a never-ending chatterbox, but when it wasn’t annoying it was endearing.

The only thing he wasn’t finding, to his frustration, were friends. Not like Celestia and Luna were, not like Twilight Sparkle had. At nights he curled up on his bed and racked his brain, thinking of all of the ponies he’d met so far, and with the elements running through his head. Loyalty. Laughter. Generosity. Honesty. Kindness. Magic. Sometimes, when he got bored with thinking about ponies he wondered which element he would take. Laughter would be his first pick, but ponies never seemed to laugh with him. Well, the ones he knew from Equestria never did, although some ponies here in Dream Valley would from time to time.

One day, just when Discord was getting used to the routine of his life, Bright Eyes woke him up bright and early. She came into his room (without knocking!) and pulling the curtains open. “Rise and shine, Discord-doo,” she said playfully.

Discord pulled the covers over his head. “Go away,” he said. “It’s not morning yet.”

“Yes it is,” said Bright Eyes. “The sun is shining and the birds are singing.”

“The sun is lying.”

Bright Eyes laughed. “Oh, Discord. Don’t you remember what day it is?”

“The seventeenth?” he guessed sleepily.

Bright Eyes grabbed his comforter in her teeth, braced herself, and tugged it off with all her might. It came cleanly out of Discord’s sleepy grip, leaving him completely exposed. Discord grunted and buried his head under his pillow.

She laughed at this. “Tonight is the Harvest Moon festival,” said Bright Eyes. “I told Majesty that we would help set up the festival today.”

“When’s the festival start?”

“When the sun sets, around seven o'clock tonight.”

“And what time is it now?”

“Almost eight.”

“So why don’t you come back this afternoon?”

“Because there’s lots to do. Come on. Get up.”

Finally he relented, but only because now that his body was waking up, it had decided it was hungry. As sullenly as he could, he dragged himself into the kitchen and flopped down into his chair, where he waited bleary-eyed until Bright Eyes put some breakfast in front of his snout. “It’s not that early,” she said.

Discord didn’t answer. He just put his face on the plate and tried to get the food in his mouth.

Half an hour later, after he’d eaten and Bright Eyes made him go wash his face, they were outside walking down the paths of Paradise Estate. “Now, I’m going to be helping everypony set up in the center of the estates,” she said, “and since you’re strong you’re going to help move supplies there.” They got to the center of the estates, and Bright Eyes flagged down a passing coral pony. “Oh! Cherries Jubilee! Just the pony I wanted to see!”

Cherries Jubilee turned around and saw Bright Eyes and Discord. “Hey, howdy, how y’all doing?” She nodded to Discord. “You’re looking better these days, better’n the last time I saw ya.”

“You look exactly the same,” said Discord, unimpressed.

“Discord, you know Cherries Jubilee, right?”

“In passing.”

“Cherries, Discord is going to be helping you move the instruments to the bandstand.”

“Glad to have ya aboard,” said Cherries happily. She held out her hoof, but Discord wasn’t biting.

“I’ll leave you to it,” said Bright Eyes, and she trotted away.

Immediately Discord felt something weird in his stomach. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself now that she was gone, and he didn’t know when he was going to see her again. The whole thing was silly, really, but he would have felt better working alongside a familiar face.

“Come with me,” said Cherries, and she trotted off in another direction, Discord flying low behind and beside her.

“So,” she said, after some silence, “How do you like living with Bright Eyes?”

“It’s all right,” said Discord dismissively.

“Don’t mind all them baby ponies around?”

“Not really.”

“What do you do there?”

He shrugged.

Cherries Jubilee couldn’t think of anything else to say, so they traveled in silence. Discord wasn’t paying attention to where they were going, nor did he notice whose house they approached. That’s why he was caught entirely off guard when Cherries rang the doorbell and Medley, of all ponies, answered.

“Yes, hello, how can I help--” she stopped. She was looking at Cherries, but her eyes drifted over to Discord. She paused, and then looked straight at Cherries and finished, “you?”

“Well, shucks, we’re here to help you, remember?”

“Oh... oh, yes, that’s right.” She opened the door all the way. “This way... I just need help loading up the cart.” She glanced over her shoulder. “It’s a bit cramped in here. I’m sorry, Discord, but you’re just a little too big to fit. Would you mind terribly waiting outside?”

“Not at all.” Discord turned around, leaned against the house, and sat down. Cherries looked at him, then at Medley, then followed her friend into the house.

They didn’t close the door behind them, so Discord could hear all of the thumps and bumps that came with trying to sort out which instruments they needed to take, not to mention getting the music stands out of the closet. After a while he noticed he could hear urgent whispering. He wasn’t really eavesdropping, but once he noticed it he couldn’t help but hear the words.

“... really surprised at you, Medley,” Cherries was saying. “He’s here to help, and we sure could use it.”

“I”m sorry,” said Medley brusquely, “but I do not want that thing in my house. And that’s final. It’s my house, after all.”

“Well, yeah, but it isn’t real neighborly of you.”

“Neighborly has nothing to do with it. After what he’s done, I don’t think my actions are out of line at all.”

“But he hasn’t done anything since he got here! Y’all just give him flack, no wonder he don’t like you.”

“Since he-- really now, am I the only one who’s studied Equestrian history?”

“What’s Equestria got to do with it? We’re in Ponyland.”

There was the sound of a tuba falling off a shelf. Discord couldn’t orient his ears properly after the loud noise to hear their hushed whispers, so he wasn’t sure exactly what Medley told Cherries Jubilee. All he heard was the end, “... and that was supposed to be the end of it!”

“Well, if he got himself imprisoned forever, why’s he here? Maybe it’s a different, uh, whatever you called it.”

“Draconequus,” said Medley, “and no. There’s only one Discord, sure as there’s only one sun and moon in our sky, and one Celestia and Luna to raise them.”

“Do y’all know what he’s been doing this whole time since he got here?”

“What?”

“Racin’ with Firefly, playn’ with Buttons, and helpin’ Bright Eyes with the baby ponies.”

“I shudder to think what he does with those poor fillies.”

“Now cut that out. Bright Eyes is right there with him the whole time and she knows what’s good for little fillies and colts. It’s her special talent. You mean to tell me she don’t know her own special talent? ‘Cause that’s what you’re sayin’ if you think her lettin’ Discord near them fillies is doin’ them wrong.”

There was a loud shuffling, as if someone dropped a large sheaf of papers. “Oh, feathers!” Medley said angrily.

“This would go a whole heck of a lot faster if you got someone bigger than us to move that wall of instruments you got goin’ here.”

Silence. Then, hooves clopping. Medley appeared in the doorway and said cheerfully, “Oh, Discord, it’s actually a bit roomier in here than I thought. I am a bit hopeless with spatial recognition, you know. Cherries can tell you all about the time I built a piano too big for the sound-proof rehearsal room. Anyway. Could you be a dear and help us move these superfluous instruments out of the way and get to the ones I’m supplying for the band tonight?”

“Hmmm.” Discord put a claw to his chin and pretended to think.

“Discord,” said Cherries, “She’s askin’ ya nicely.”

“Oh, very well.” He heaved himself up and eased his way into Medley’s house. It was almost exactly the same as it was when he’d first seen it- endlessly cluttered with more instruments than any one pony had any business owning.

It took them four trips to get all of Medley’s instruments to the bandstand. Then, while Medley tuned them, Cherries and Discord set up the music stands and folding chairs for the band members, according to a seating chart Medley had drafted earlier. The whole thing took a few hours, much longer than it should have, because Medley was such a perfectionist about everything that Discord couldn’t help messing a few things up behind her back.

When he’d finished the setup but Medley was still tuning the stringed instruments, Cherries Jubilee said they had to wait about half an hour for their next job.Discord took this opportunity to wander around the festival setup. It was still a real mess. Unfortunately, it was all starting to come together.

“Discord! Yoo hoo!” He heard Bright Eyes calling him as he floated past two ponies hoisting up a small tent. She was two festival stalls away, surrounded by some ponies Discord hadn’t seen before. He went to her.

“How was everything at Medley’s?” asked Bright Eyes.

“Fantastic.” This was going to be a snack stand, clearly. There were already trays of baked goods, and a sign with a cupcake painted on it.

“I don’t think you’ve met my friends here,” said Bright Eyes. “This is Cupcake...”

“Hello,” said a pink pony with a blue mane and cupcakes for a cutie mark.

“Sweet Stuff...”

“Hi!” chirped a light blue pony with a pink mane and gumdrops for a cutie mark.

“Fizzy...”

“Huh? Did someone say my name?” A turquoise unicorn with a pink mane and soda pop for a cutie mark looked up and around, as if she wasn’t quite sure what was going on.

“And Shady,” finished Bright Eyes. She indicated a pink pony with a yellow mane and sunglasses on her flank. This pony didn’t say anything, just looked up and acknowledged Discord in the most melancholy way possible.

“Oh, hi!” Fizzy seemed to just notice Discord. “I’ve heard so much about you. You’re Bright Eyes’ new friend!”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’m Fizzy!” She turned around in a circle. “Wow, I’m so glad to meet you!” Then she tripped over her tail and fell flat on her snout. “Whoops! Sorry. I’m a bit of a bubble brain.”

“It’s not you,” said Shady sadly. “It’s me. I’m bad luck.”

Sweet Stuff rolled her eyes. “Oh, not this again.”

“It’s true,” said Shady sadly. “Everywhere I go something bad happens.”

“Bad things happen all the time,” said Cupcake. “To everypony.”

“Yeah, but they happen to me more often than to anyone else.”

Sweet Stuff swatted at the air above Shady’s head. “There’s a dark cloud building up over your head,” she said.

“See what I mean?” Shady glanced up and regarded the literal dark cloud over her head with a melancholy face.

“Your mood is doing that.”

Discord swatted the cloud. Right away it began leaking chocolate milk. It came down in big drops, right into her mane. Shady waved her hooves over her head. “Oh, no! What’s happening now?”

A blue pegasus with a fading pink mane and pink whistles on her flank flew by the cloud and grabbed it. “Hm,” she said. “Unusual.”

“What’s unusual, Wind Whistler?” asked Cupcake.

“The precipitation in this cumulonimbus cloud is producing a cacao-flavored milk beverage rather than the water you’d usually expect.”

“What? Chocolate milk?” said Sweet Stuff.

“Oh, no,” moaned Shady. “Now my mane’s going to get sticky!”

Just then Buttons appeared out of nowhere, dove into Shady and knocked her out of the way, taking her place under the cloud. She held her mouth wide open, tongue lolling out, catching all the chocolate milk rain she could.

Shady, meanwhile, had been knocked into the table. It collapsed, and the empty serving trays went rolling. “More bad luck!” she cried.

“That wasn’t bad luck,” said Bright Eyes. “That was Buttons. Buttons, say you’re sorry.”

Buttons gargled.

“Try again,” said Bright Eyes sternly.

Buttons swallowed, tilted her head around, and said, “I’m sorry, everypony. I was just excited about the cloud. I didn’t mean to make a mess.”

Fizzy laughed. “I’m just glad it wasn’t me who made a mess this time.” She turned around bent over to pick up a tray that had rolled under another table. When she got up, she banged her head on that table and knocked it over, sending those empty trays rolling. “Whoops!”

Sweet Stuff sighed. “Well, looks like we have to wash the trays.”

Wind Whistler, scooped up the cloud. “I need to take these out to the forest. We don’t want to have to hand out rain checks.” Cloud in tow, she took off.

Buttons rolled onto her stomach. “Aw.”

“I better just go home,” said Shady sadly. “We’re behind schedule as it is without me slowing everything down.”

Bright Eyes nudged Discord and gestured for him to lean down. When he did, she whispered, “Would you mind very much staying with Shady for a while?”

“Why?”

“Because she’s feeling gloomy.”

“I know. Why do you want me to stay with her?”

“Because it might cheer her up.”

“Then who’s gonna cheer me up?”

Bright Eyes nudged his back. “Just go.”

Discord stumbled forward a few paces until he was in front of Shady. He cleared his throat. Shady looked up at him. “Uh, hi.”

“Hi,” she said sadly.

“So.” Discord glanced over his shoulder. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“‘Kay.” Shady was an Earth pony so they walked through the fairgrounds, heading back the way Discord had come. Along the way they passed the pavillion, where Medley was still tuning the last of her instruments. She was working on an elegant, gold-plated harp, tuning the highest string. Discord clicked his fingers and it snapped. Medley’s mane immediately frizzed out.

“So what’s eatin’ you?” Discord asked. He put his arms behind his back and strolled along casually beside Shady.

Shady trotted slowly with her head down. “I’m bad luck,” she said, “and I don’t want to be here. I want the festival to be good, and everything is going terrible.”

Medley, meanwhile, suddenly started sobbing uncontrollably. Everypony at the fair stopped what they were doing and looked at her. unsure of what to do or even what exactly had happened. Even Discord and Shady stopped and stared.

Finally Bright Eyes approached her and said something. No one could hear what she said over Medley’s loud sobbing, but apparently Medley could as it caused her torrential tears to slow to a trickle. She wiped a tear away with her hoof. Bright Eyes fished a hoofkerchief out of her saddlebags and handed it to Medley to wipe her eyes.

“Thank you, darling,” said Medley, “but it won’t do. I’m afraid that we’ll have to cancel the Harvest Moon Festival.”

Bright Eyes gasped. “Oh, no! We can’t do that.”

“Well, what else is there? The centerpiece of the festival will be the rising of the moon accompanied by our symphony. The piece was specifically designed for the harp to be the lead, and this string is used heavily in the piece! Without this string, the festival is over.”

“Can’t you get another string?”

“I’m afraid not,” said Medley. “I don’t have a spare string.”

“But I saw a whole box of spare strings in your house just the other day.” Bright Eyes sounded surprised.

“Those were for the cellos, violas, guitars, and violins. This harp is special. It’s very rare and valuable. It’s made out of almost completely pure enchanted gold and strung with the tail hair of a zebracorn. A single string is supposed to last for ten years. I re-strung it for Nightmare Night two years ago.” Medley shook her head. “I just don’t know how it could have broken.”

“I know,” said Shady glumly. “It was me.”

“I wonder. Who do you think it was, Discord?” Bright Eyes said, suddenly looking right at him sternly.

Discord put on his innocent face. “Who, me? Why would you suspect me of doing such a thing?”

Bright Eyes stared him down.

“Okay, okay, I might have had something to do with it.” He couldn’t hide forever the fact that his tail was normal this morning and now had stone halfway to the base. “You should have seen her, bending all over that harp like a stuffy old boring pegasus.”

“Discord, I am very disappointed in you.” Bright Eyes turned to Medley. “I’m very sorry. I’ll make sure he replaces it.”

“Thank you, but that’s just impossible,” said Medley. “The only zebracorn in Ponyland lives on the other side of Big Rock Candy Mountain. He could never get there.”

“I most certainly could,” protested Discord. “I could get there and back again before the sun set.”

“It’s already noon,” said Medley.

“So I have seven hours.”

“More like six and a half,” said Shady, “since it’s a little after noon and she would still have to cut the string and string the harp. Or maybe just six, since she still has to re-string and tune the harp...”

“Yes,” said Medley, “so you see it’s quite impossible. You don’t even know how to get to Big Rock Candy Mountain.”

“Is it that huge mountain there on the horizon that I can see from right here?” He pointed to demonstrate.

“So you’re thinking you can just fly in a straight line there?”

“Uh... yeah, I mean, the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line. I mean, duh.”

Bright Eyes reached into her saddle bag and pulled out a candy-striped scarf, which she tied around Discord’s neck. “Don’t fly too high. The candy clouds there are full of static that’ll zap your tail off. But don’t fly below the canopy of the Warning Woods.” She bit her lip. “I really don’t like the thought of you going there all by yourself... I worry.”

“Well, don’t.” Discord brushed his paws. “I’ll be back before the downbeat.” And with that, he took to the air and started flying. After two false starts due to his rocky tail, he managed to get on track.

He hadn’t even gotten past the border of Paradise Estates when he heard a pony calling, “Hey, wait up!” He glanced over his shoulder and saw Firefly gaining on him rapidly. When she caught up to him she said, “I heard you needed some speed, so I thought I’d tag along!”

“Well, great,” said Discord. “Just keep up, if you can.”

Firefly laughed. She gunned it and pulled ahead, then flew behind him on his left, then pulled in front of him on the right. “As you can see,” she said confidently, “I can fly circles around you, Rockbutt.”

The mountain on the horizon slowly grew larger as they flew along. Unfortunately, it wasn’t growing as quickly as the sun was setting, and Discord wasn’t quite as fast as he would have liked. Firefly matched his pace, even though he knew she would rather be flying ahead at top speed. Why didn’t she, he wondered, and beat him to the mountain and back. She could really show him up that way.

Even with a ticking clock to keep you motivated, flying for hours on end got tedious. Though neither was certain who started it, Discord and Firefly had begun a sort of stunts-based game of HORSE. One of them would turn a loop-the-loop or barrel roll or some other stunt, and the other would match it. So far neither of them had gotten a letter, but they were both having some fun.

Then Firefly dove low. At the time they were flying over a forest, and she disappeared between the canopy. Discord kept an eye on where she had vanished, waiting for her to burst up so he would know it was his turn to dive. Five seconds passed, then ten, fifteen, and twenty. Discord stopped. What was taking so long? He doubled back to where he had last seen her, hovering directly above that spot in forest canopy. Even though his toes were skimming the leaves, he couldn’t see a foot below his foot.’

“Firefly?” he called. “You down there?”

When he didn’t get a response, he dove into the forest as well.

As soon as he was under the leaves, he heard a sharp cry. “Discord! Look out for the vine snakes!”

Two thick jungle vines with fangs lunged at Discord. Reacting quickly, he grabbed both of them just below the mouth and tied them in a knot. They struggled and squirmed, but couldn’t fight back.

Firefly was tied to the nearest tree by more of the horrible beasts. Vine snakes were wrapped around all four of her legs, her wings, and her torso to keep her from moving. She struggled as hard as she could, but she could barely move.

Several more vine snakes lunged at Discord. “Wow,” he said lazily, “You guys would really be a problem if I couldn’t just turn you into taffy.” In a bright flash, his statement came true- the vine snakes now hung limply as taffy.

A few other vine snakes froze and looked at Discord. He grabbed a piece of taffy and took a huge bite out of it, then chewed slowly and glared at them. The vine snakes holding down Firefly let go and slithered away.

Firefly fell and landed flat on a branch below. “Whew,” she said. “Thanks. They were about to swallow me up whole!”

“You’re slowing me down,” said Discord wryly. Then he flashed his now-repaired tail past her nose.

Firefly jumped up on her hooves and huffed. “I’m slowing you down? I could still fly circles around you!”

“Okay,” said Discord, “but no more stunts. They take up too much time and I’ve got to show up Medley.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Firefly sounded disappointed.

The rest of the trip there was uneventful. It wasn’t until they made it to the mountain that anything happened. Discord flew up the mountainside until he spotted a large plateau and the entrance to a cave. Firefly landed on the ground next to him and looked it up and down.

“You think this is where the zebracorn lives?” asked Discord.

“I dunno,” said Firefly. “I forgot to pay attention when anybody talked about her.”

“Well, one way to find out.” He confidently strolled into the cave with a swagger. Firefly followed behind him. They walked inside enough to see that the cave was long and narrow, but artificially lit with magic orbs strung along the top. Discord had to duck under them, and they went along until they reached the end of the hall where it opened into an enormous cavern.

“Whoa,” breathed Firefly. “Would ya look at that...”

The Cave of the Zebracorn was large. The top of the cave seemed to go all the way to the top of the mountain. The walls were covered with crystals and gems jutting out, reflecting the light all over. More of those magic orbs were hanging all over the walls and ceiling, making it as bright as day inside. There was a ledge all around the cavern which gave way to a deep chasm, and in the center of the chasm was an enormous island. On that island rested the zebracorn: a large, graceful zebra roughly the size of Her Royal Highness Princess Luna, with butterfly wings tucked at her side and a majestic horn on her forehead. She was decked out in the finest of jewels, a plate necklace bearing a royal emblem, thick silver bracelets on both her forelegs, and long French hook earrings in her ears. Her body was covered in a flowing royal purple cape.

“Come in,” she said in a deep, alluring voice. “I am Morning Star, queen of this mountain. Why have you come?”

“We’ve come on behalf of a pony friend,” said Discord. “Medley needs a new string for her harp.”

“Ah.” Morning Star nodded knowingly. “Medley the pegasus pony, who composes and performs the most beautiful music my ears have ever heard. If she doesn’t have that string, the Harvest Moon festival will be a bust. I dropped a fresh string for her two years ago, I believe.”

“Yeah, it broke,” said Discord.

“What a shame. And you have come all this way for her? How loyal of you. But it was for nothing- you won’t be be able to make it back in time.”

“I could,” said Firefly defensively.

“She could,” agreed Discord. “Give us the string and she’ll go ahead. She could make it easy.”

Morning Star considered this. Then she swished her tail, took a single hair in her teeth, and plucked it out. “There,” she said. She spread her wings and flew herself over to the ledge, offering the string to Firefly.

Firefly took it in her teeth. “I’ll get it there in time. See you when you get back, Discord.”

“Don’t dive,” Discord warned.

She laughed. “I won’t!” And she took off.

“I should get going too,” said Discord.

“No, please. Stay. You won’t make it back in time for the Harvest Moon festival anyway. Visit with me.”

“Uh... okay.”

Morning Star gestured for him to follow, and they both flew over to her island. “It has been many an age since Discord has graced our fair land with his presence.”

Discord grinned. “Finally! Someone who’s heard of me! Except for that turquoise music-maker, no one has any clue who I am!”

“Those hicks don’t get out as much as they ought to,” said Morning Star. “Especially since they moved from Dream Castle to Paradise Estates. Not to mention Megan hasn’t been by in ages. Used to be every monster and its cousin wanted to destroy the Little Ponies. Now nothing ever seems to happen to them.”

Discord laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. Once I get my chaos back, I’ll be sure to make this my satellite office of chaos. Canterlot has to be the official headquarters, of course--”

Morning Star nodded. “Oh, of course.”

“--just because it will be so beautiful to overthrow Celestia with the very elements she once used against me and then turn her castle into mine. And I think I’ll make Ponyville my weekend getaway home.”

“Ah.” Morning Star flashed him a knowing grin. “So you’ve got plans, have you?”

Discord nodded eagerly. “I’ve been planning since I got here.”

“And how long has that been?”

“... About a month, I think? Six weeks? Something like that.”

“Dear me. What’s taking you so long?”

“I got limits, thanks to Equestria’s stuck-up sun goddess. If I don’t play by her rules, I get turned into a statue. If I make nice with the little ponies, though, then Discord gets to play.”

“Interesting... interesting.”

“So...” Discord slicked his mane back. “You a fan of my work?”

“Maybe,” Morning Star said with a sort of deep purr. “It’s not like you’ve had an exhibition in a while.”

They chatted for a long time about this and that, or nothing in particular at all. Discord filled her in on all the gory details of his downfall in Ponyville, and his residency in Paradise Estates. Morning Star told him a bit about how she used her magic to maintain the balance of nature out in Ponyland, but he didn’t really understand or listen to that. She, however, listened intently to his detailed plans for chaos, his eager monologuing about getting rid of Celestia and Twilight, claiming the Elements as his own.

Slowly the light orbs dimmed as it got later and later in the night. The Harvest Moon festival started, miles and miles away, and still Discord remained in the cavern, talking with Morning Star. Though after a while his jaw grew sore, and he felt himself growing tired.

“I can give you a lift back,” said Morning Star during a natural lull in the conversation.

“Trying to get rid of me so soon, eh?” Discord nudged her playfully.

“Not at all. You seem tired, and after all, you do have a curfew.”

“How did you know that? Oh. Right. I told you, didn’t I?” He stretched his arms and found they were much more cramped than he thought. “Well, I’ve already broken it, so it doesn’t matter.” Then he was unable to keep his yawn inside.

Morning Star got up and spread her wings. “Come,” she said, “climb on my back and I shall take you home.”

“Aren’t I a little big for you?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she replied.

Not exactly sure what she meant, Discord hopped onto her back. It was a bit awkward riding on a pony smaller than he was, but it didn’t seem at all that way to Morning Star. She unfurled her glittery wings and in one leap cleared the wide chasm of her lair. Discord ducked his head low as she bounded down the corridor and outside into the night. Then she leaped over the edge and caught the air, soaring boldly through the night.

She was fast, much faster than you’d think a pony with fussy butterfly wings would be. She picked up speed quickly, and Discord found himself squeezing tightly around her neck, his legs digging into her side. It wasn’t as if he was afraid of falling, because he knew he could easily catch himself in the air. It was just so unsettling, physically.

Still, it was a long flight back to Paradise Estates, and he found himself dozing off once he was used to feeling his stomach pressing against the bottom of his ribcage. He missed the middle of the flight and most of the last leg before he saw the white and coral roofs of what passes for paradise these days. She flew over the roofs and paths, scrutinizing the scenery.

“This is the place,” said Discord. “Paradise.”

“Very good,” said Morning Star. “Then... goodnight!”

She flipped upside down so quickly that she knocked Discord off her back and he went tumbling onto the grass below. He was so surprised that he barely had time to slow himself down, and he landed right on his tail. “Oof!” It took him a moment to analyze what had just happened. He could see Morning Star silhouetted against the moon, turning around to fly herself back to her mountain cave. She didn’t look back.

Discord sat up and checked who’s yard he was in. Even in the dark he could recognize Bright Eyes’ house, and yep, there it was. Quietly, a bit afraid of getting caught, he crept up to the door and opened it quietly. It was dark inside except for the light from the last glowing embers in her fireplace. He tiptoed in and closed the door with his tail as he peered into the living room. Bright Eyes was asleep on the couch.

He slipped past the entrance to the living room without Bright Eyes hearing him, and he was home free. He was about to open the door to his room and go to bed. He even had his hand on the knob when he stopped. He stood there a moment, and then turned around and went back to the living room.

Bright Eyes was in her robe and slippers, snuggled up on the sofa. Discord reached over and nudged her. “Hey. Hey. Hey. Wake up.”

She opened one eye a crack. “Discord?” she said sleepily. She yawned and raised her head. “What time is it?”

“I dunno.” He glanced at the clock on her mantelpiece. “Three in the morning.” He looked back. “Sorry I got back so late. Did Firefly make it in time?”

“Just in time,” replied Bright Eyes, still half-asleep. “The festival was wonderful. I’m sorry you missed it.” She yawned again. “I was worried about you.”

“I’m going to bed now.”

“Okay.” She got off the couch, reached over, and closed the fireplace. “I’m going to be d now, too. Sweet dreams.”

“G’night.” Discord stepped out of the way as Bright Eyes passed him on her way to her room. Then he went to his own room, threw back the covers on his bed that Bright Eyes had made up fresh for him, snuggled in, and went right to sleep.

You Can't Escape It: You Haven't Got a Chance

“I'll tell you what we've learned Discord. We've learned that friendship isn't always easy. But there's no doubt it's worth fighting for.”

“Ugh, gag. Fine, go ahead, try and use your little Elements. Just make it quick. I'm missing some excellent chaos here.”

“All right, ladies! Let’s show him what friendship can do!”

Discord sat in his throne atop the purple checkered hill, a smug look on his long face. He was surrounded by chaos. In fact, he’d made Ponyville the Chaos Capital of Equestria, and now a handful of ponies were going to try and take it away from him. Not that they’d succeed, of course. He’d seen to it that they would fail. After all, how could the Elements of Harmony possibly work when the ponies behind them couldn’t work in harmony long enough to even put them on?

So he wasn’t worried when Twilight Sparkle levitated into the air. He didn’t even really notice when the other five ponies came behind her. All the really noticed was when the Cutie Marks came flying towards him, bursting forth from the elements. Then he noticed that the ponies were decidedly less gray than when he’d last seen them.

Wait, was that...?

Oh. Oh, no. No. No, no, no no no.

Yes. The Rainbow of Light erupted from the Elements of Harmony. It was too late for Discord to do anything. Just like last time.

Just like with Celestia and Luna.

As the rainbow came bearing down on him, he found himself saying, “But Chaos was supposed to be more powerful than anything...”

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from studying friendship, Discord, it’s that there is nothing stronger than it!”

Discord heard a roaring sound in his ears as the rainbow rushed past him. He felt his body turning to stone from his snake tail to his mismatched feet, up his body. He was powerless to stop it, and he couldn’t keep the look of horror off his face.

“How! How did you do this to me? I don’t understand!”

“That’s just it, Discord,” boomed an ethereal voice.

The ponies stopped and looked up, and then immediately knelt down. Discord opened one eye and saw that he had stopped turning to stone at about chest height. He sighed with relief.

Princess Celestia flapped her wings as she landed on the ground. The rushing rainbow had restored the area around them to normal. Twilight rushed to her mentor’s side. “Princess Celestia! When did you get here? I thought you were still in Canterlot!”

“I only just arrived,” said Celestia. “Luna has been sending the letters back through Spike. I was afraid you might need a little more encouragement.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Oh, gag me with a fork.”

“Discord.” Princess Celestia approached him. He scowled at her. “You never did understand. When you were taking joy in creating chaos, you didn’t see how unhappy all the ponies of Equestria were.”

“Excuse me for trying to liven things up a little.”

“Because of your selfish need for chaos, you can’t live in Equestria with the rest of us.”

“Who died and made you queen?”

“I’m sorry, Discord, but there’s no other way.”

“Fine. You’re sorry. Can you stop gloating now?”

“I’m not gloating.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“I came to appeal to you one last time, to see if there was anything inside you apart from chaos.”

“Sure feels like you’re gloating to me.”

“I hate that it has to be this way.”

“Well, so do I. If we both hate it, then why don’t you go ahead and undo this and I’ll forget the whole thing.”

“No,” said Celestia. “As long as the magic of friendship is lost to you, there can be no other way.”

“Well, then what if I learned about your silly little friendship whatever? Then would you let me go?”

Twilight looked up at Celestia. “Princess?”

“I would love nothing more than for you to unlock its magic.”

Up to this point, Discord was just trying to keep her talking. The longer she spoke, the longer he had outside his stone prison. However, he realized that he’d hit upon something in this particular vein of conversation, and he pressed on. “What say we make a deal?”

“You are in no position to bargain with me, Discord.”

“Oh, come on. I thought princesses were supposed to be full of love and compassion. How about spreading a little of it out this way? How about not sending me back to Stoneville to spend the next thousand years cooped up by myself? I might go even more crazy than I already am. And when I break free next time--”

“Discord.” Celestia cut him off. “I would like to offer you a chance.”

The other ponies gasped. Discord looked intrigued.

“Princess, are you sure--”

“Quite sure, Twilight Sparkle,” said Celestia. “Discord, you are currently trapped under the powers of the Elements of Harmony. I’m going to give you one chance to redeem yourself. Are you listening to me?”

Discord waved his paw. “Yeah, yeah, I’m listening.”

“I’m serious, Discord.”

“Me too!” Discord threw his palms up and looked frustrated.

“I’m going to send you somewhere far away, somewhere they don’t know you. You’re going to see what it’s like to make friends.”

“Boy, this sounds familiar.”

“Every time you try to use your magic to create chaos, the Elements of Harmony will react and you’ll continue to turn to stone. But if you do something to help other ponies or if you’re nice to them, you’ll slowly turn back into your own Draconequus self. If you’re truly able to unlock the magic that is friendship, then you’ll be free from the Elements and their magic. Do you understand?”

“Blah blah blah friendship is magic, I got it.”

“And Discord?”

“What?”

“This is your last chance. Now that we know that your stone prison can be weakened if the Elements of Harmony change hands or fall into disuse, we will take steps to ensure this won’t happen again, not in a thousand years, not in a hundred thousand years. Do you understand, Discord?”

When Discord spoke next, he wasn’t flippant or arrogant. His voice was actually smaller than any of the little ponies had ever heard it. “Yeah. Sure, I understand.”

Celestia smiled. Then she turned around. “Sorry, girls, but you’re going to have to hold on to those elements for just a little longer.”

“But Princess,” said Twilight.

Celestia turned to face Discord. Then, in a diamond flash of light, he was gone. But this time it was not his doing. It was Celestia who had sent him away. Then she turned back to Twilight. “Yes, my most faithful student?”

“What if he really does figure out the magic of friendship? What happens then?”

Celestia smiled. “That’s exactly what I’m hoping will happen.”

Author's Note

I've been writing this story since the end of the Season 2 premier, wanting it to be perfect. Then I found out Discord was gonna come back, probably before I could finish it, and I was all, "Aw, yeah," but then I was all, "well, you know, I'd better put this up before it becomes officially non-canon."