Origins of a Narrator

by CaptainSanchez

First published January 25th, 2013 19:00

WARNING: THIS WILL PROBABLY BE CONFUSING

Crimson Capp, beloved narrator of a semi-beloved story. You all know how he died, but how'd he start out? How'd he become himself? Why's he so fond of Pinkie? When did he become so crazy? Who's gonna narrate this? You're gonna find out here. This story will never be edited, because I think that I already ask too much of my editor.

Chapters

An Odd Town: Setting the Setting
Pinkie's Lesson

An Odd Town: Setting the Setting
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Origins of a Narrator

An Odd Town: Setting the Setting

Origins of A Narrator

An Odd Town: Setting the Setting

Crimson Capp was born in a log cabin. Since he was a pegasus, you can guess how irritating that was. You see, his grandfather had built the place, and then decided that any true pegasus had to live in the clouds. Not wanting to live in a flimsy house that was actually made of clouds, he transplanted his log home. He wasn't the brightest pony, was he? As a result of this lack of foresight, Capp's family had to work constantly in order to prevent their home from plummeting onto the farm below them.

Clyde and Sue Pie's rock farm was fairly well off, so they had been able to hire Capp's family to provide them with the proper dreary weather for a rock farm. Thanks to all of this (y'know, dreary weather, a family home that always threatened to fall from the sky, etcetera, etcetera), Capp had a rather decently miserable childhood.

Miserable, that is, except for his friends. His best friend was one of the Pie sisters. Since he was raised on the farm, Capp ended up getting to know Pinkamena, Inkwellia, and Blinkerina quite well. Pinkie (as Capp had always called her) was his very closest friend. He had other friends, of course. Among them were Blue October (a blue pegasus filly that looks like Derpy), Graphite (a black unicorn colt with a spiky grey mane, light blue eyes, and a crescent moon Cutie Mark), and the Pierce brothers: Pokey and Perry. Pokey and Perry looked almost exactly the same; the only differences being that the light blue streaks in Pokey's mane were even lighter, his eyes were more gold than orange, and his cutie mark was a safety pin. Perry was a dark blue unicorn with a well-styled white-and-grayish-blue mane, red-orange eyes, and an hourglass Cutie Mark.

The tale which you are hearing begins on a Tuesday. Everypony's familiar with the concept of the "Tuesday Blues," but nopony more so than Capp. You see, Tuesdays were when he had to do the most practice in the fine art of maintaining gray clouds. He hated working on the weather, but what could he do? He couldn't quit, because then he'd have to spend all of his time keeping the house up. Since that wouldn't allow him any time for his friends, it wasn't an option that he could even consider. No, it was better to waste a day keeping the sky gray than waste a lifetime keeping the house up.

Capp was still a small colt, so he didn't really need to put that much work in. He just moved a few clouds around, and then he had to leave for school. Ah, school. A child's best and worst place. On one hoof, Capp got to spend eight full hours with his friends. On the other, he had to write. Oh, how he hated the taste of eraser. Why, oh why, couldn't they make bananna-flavored pencil erasers? He had never cared much for apples, but bananas? Bananas were good. An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but bananas are incredibly under-appreciated in pony society, not to mention being a great source of potassium. Capp always brought a banana to a party. I'm sorry, you don't know where he is, do you? He's in school right now. Oh, look! There's Mister Teachersir!

"Students! Stop your chattiness. I have a test to administer today, and it will not be postponed. However, I must warn you that there are many ways to fail," He said, pausing his rant to glare at Pokey. Pokey then sank back in his seat with a nervous chuckle. Resuming, Mister Teachersir removed his judgmental eyes from Pokey.

"If you use a pen, you will fail; if you do not finish within the time allowed, you will fail; if you finish too quickly, you will fail; if you talk during the test, you will fail; if you do not write your name in the designated area for doing so, you will fail; if you pass notes (whether or not they have anything to do with the test), you will fail. Is that understood?"

The room then shook with the unified utterance of "Yes, Mister Teachersir" in a groaning manner. At this point, Mister Teachersir becomes of little consequence, so just ignore him... for now. You know what? The school day is no longer very important to the overall chain-of-events, so how's about we skip the remainder of it, and go right to the post-school hanging out? Well screw you, dear reader, I'm going to do it anyway. Mwa. Ha. Ha.

***

"Well that was an interesting day," said Perry Pierce to his friends as they collectively left the classroom.

"You know it, Pear!" exclaimed young Pinkamena to her relatively uppity friend. Honestly, to this day nopony can understand how Perry and Pokey can be so drastically different, and I think Twilight Sparkle even did a study on the matter once. I'm getting off-topic, though, aren't I? Sorry, I'm new at this. Capp thought that he shouldn't narrate his own backstory, so he got me to do it. I don't think that I'm all that good, though... Hm? Oh, yes, I suppose I am rambling. Sorry about that.

"Hey, Pinkie, why do you think Pok--"

"Blue!" Interrupted Capp, "We agreed to never speak of it again!"

Blue shut her trap. She knew how serious Capp was about honor. Besides, nopony had ever quite been able to win an argument against him. Whenever they got close, well... Let's just say that Capp really knew how to confuse ponies. Really, his greatest skill was talking. Disagreeing with him could only result in a headache that could topple mountains. Only Perry ever really tried, though. What's that, Capp? But-- but why? Okay, okay! I'll end it here. Sorry, folks. Capp's the boss around these parts. See you next time!

To Be Continued... Probably

Author's Note

I'd like to mention that all of Capp's friends are actual background ponies. As far as I know, the only members of this group that live in Ponyville are Pokey, Perry, Capp, and Pinkie. No, I don't plan on revealing the narrator's identity soon.

Pinkie's Lesson
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Origins of a Narrator

Pinkie's Lesson

Pinkamena Diane Pie was Capp's best friend. At least, that's how she identified herself. She didn't have many friends, and was, in many ways, unremarkable. Like her sisters, she was often sad. She hid it well, though. Her parties were quite enjoyable for most, and she was often seen with a smile that was too wide to be real. Do you know why she loves to see other ponies smile? It's because if she sees somepony else being sad, she remembers her childhood. I'm sorry, this story is about Capp, not Pinkie. Just thought you'd like to know that stuff. Right, let's get on with it.

Origins of a Narrator

Pinkie's Lesson

Capp was having a good day. He had no school, and no cloud-work to boot! There was but one single thing that he had to do. He had to teach Pink, teach the girl his ways. This was, of course, how they spent off-days. That's enough of that. Sweet Celestia, I hate rhyming. To clarify, When the two had no school or work, he taught her his methods of breaking... something called "the Fourth Wall." I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself, have I? I'm Beak. Got it? Good. Now, I'd best be getting back to this.

Capp walked over to Pinkie's silo. She loved it in there, they both did. It was where they spent their free time. The whole group liked to meet up in there, but not today. Today, like many other days, Pinkie and Capp were going to discuss things that nopony else will ever be able to understand. I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you what happened during any of these lessons. Capp and Pinkie refuse to tell. Trust me, I'm even more curious than you, but the last guy that tried to find out what happened went insane, and I don't want to go down that road, folks. I really don't. So, much to my chagrin, I must skip that scene. Yet again, I'm sorry about that.

***

"Okay, you get it now?" asked Capp to Pinkie.

"I think so, but why?" replied a bewildered Pinkamena.

"Because most ponies can't even comprehend the existence of the Fourth Wall, so they most likely find the concept of breaking it far too bonkers for them. You and I, we're lucky. Since we can perceive the Fourth Wall, the laws of Physics have a weak grasp on us at best. Why, I can't believe that the author decided to explain all of this, but I'm actually starting to enjoy this out-of-character explanatory rant, how about you, Pinkie?"

"Uh... sure?"

"Good enough!" exclaimed Capp, grinning confidently.

Then Capp turned away from Pinkie, and began speaking to what appeared to be nothing.

"So that ends this useless filler chapter! Pinkie, would you kindly say goodbye to the nice readers?"

"Sure thing, Capp," said Pinkamena, her voice dripping with her unsureness. Yes, that is a word.

"Bye! Come back later, okay?" She exclaimed, waving a hoof to the nothingness that Capp had been talking to.

To Be Continued...

Author's Note

This was pointless, took forever, and isn't it just ever so interesting? I figured I'd finish up this chapter so that I could break my mental stuckedness. Ta for now, folks. Remember: Comments = love, so spread it (them?) around. Thick.