The Herd

Chapter 7

It was early morning, and the narrow pathways of the royal garden hedge maze were still filled with deep shadows. It was quiet within the maze, the thick growth of the wall muffling and suppressing any outside noise. The twists and turns were lonely, isolating places that denied the rest of the world.

Within the center of the maze, a single statue stood upon a raised dais. It was a hideous thing to look upon, all mismatched limbs and unequal features, its already ugly face twisted into an expression of panic and fear. There was a dreadful hopelessness about the depicted creature, made all the more terrible by the void formed by the maze.

The bright and cheerful humming that came gliding out of one of the passages had no rightful place in such a setting. It was an anathema upon the brooding emptiness, which gave reluctant ground to the unwavering happiness and unconcerned care.

Pinkie Pie came bouncing into the center of the maze, smiling and humming to herself, the satchel across one shoulder swinging along in counterpoint to her hopping walk. Only as she approached the statue did she drop into a more normal pace, though she continued to hum cheerfully right until she had reached the base of the dais.

“Good morning Discord!” Pinkie said brightly up to the statue.

The statue did not reply, or give any other indication of acknowledgement.

“I hope there’s no hard feelings between us,” Pinkie continued, unperturbed by the silence. She reached under the flap of her satchel, and pulled out a simple drinking glass. She set it on the dais, then retrieved a second, placing it besides the first. “I’m sorry you have to be a statue. I thought you were really funny, until you turned me and my friends against each other anyway. And I really miss those cotton candy clouds.”

Discord remained quiet, and stone.

“I wish we could have done more for you, like we did for Luna. It’s unfair that she got to return home with her big sister, and you’re going to be stuck here for…well ever I guess.” Reaching again into the bag, Pinkie pulled out a large jug, popping the cap off with a deft flick of her thumb. “Maybe if you hadn’t been such a big meanie jerk head, the Elements might have just taken away your powers or something.”

She carefully tilted the container over each glass, filling them both up with rich, dark, chocolate milk. She finished the drinks off with a long, twisty swizzle straw apiece and then reached up to carefully place one the glasses within Discord’s stony fingers.

Anyway, I know you were kind of evil despite all the funny stuff like dancing on Twilight’s head,” Pinkie went on, giggling a little. “But I hope that someday maybe you’ll be able to be free, and have fun without being mean to people.” She took a long sip of her drink, emptying half the glass of its chocolaty goodness in a single massive gulp. “Mmmm…not cotton candy cloud good, but good!” she beamed happily. “So, guess you’re probably wondering what we’ve all been up to since blasting you to stone.” Pinkie gave a tiny hop, plopping herself down on the dais with the statue and leaning back against one stoney leg. She finished off the other half of her glass in another long pull.

“Well for starters I’ve got a herd. I mean, can you believe it?”

If Discord believed anything, he was not forthcoming about it.

“It’s not perfect,” Pinkie admitted a bit sadly. “AJ turned me down. I guess she has a good reason, what with Macky being her brother, but you’d think she might have at least given it a chance, right?”

Silence.

“Exactly!” she replied. “But I’ve got Twilight and Dashy and ~big~ Mac, which is certainly nice. I really wish I had asked Rarity sooner though…”

Pinkie tilted her head back, eying the still untouched glass within Discord’s hand.

“You uh…gunna finish that?” she asked tentatively. A few silent seconds passed. “No? Well, if you don’t mind…”

Discord gave no indication that he did, which was good enough for Pinkie.

“Thanks!” Pinkie told the statue, pulling down the other glass and taking a rather moderate sip. “So yeah, like I was saying, Rarity and Spike. Who saw that coming? I mean sure, he’s been all hot for her since like, ever, but I never thought she’d be willing to go scaly.” She let out a big sigh. “Though given the way Spike is looking these days, I guess I can’t blame her. Seems kind of unfair to me though, just suddenly becoming a total stud muffin like that. Rather sneaky of him really.”

Pinkie lounged back against the statue’s leg, gradually emptying the glass as she watched the morning clouds being caroled into place in preparation of the afternoon rain shower. She set the empty glass down by the first, and glanced down at one bushy green wall of the maze, her gaze distant. Her big blue eyes seemed almost to be looking through the structure.

“So, I suppose you’d like to know the details?”

It was a calm, peaceful night. A little warm, but the gentle breeze was just enough to perfectly balance it out. The clouds were drifting lazily across the star filled sky, scattered just so as to create an appealing blend of light and shadow, especially where the moon was climbing towards its apex. The Canterlot weather team had clearly put their best effort forward for the night of the Gala. It was exceptionally lovely, and there was no shortage of admirers enjoying what was an ideal night.

On a small balcony, tucked somewhat out of sight from most of the palace grounds however, there was very little admiring going on. There was a lot of glancing about, of looking out in the direction of the beautiful night, but not so much actual seeing or enjoying. It was a nervous, uncomfortable, fidgeting air that hung around that small balcony.

For what felt like the thousandth time, Spike glanced sideways at Rarity. The words he had been carefully preparing in his mind turned to bitter ashes in his mouth as he did, and he knew far better than most just what that tasted like. No matter what he tried to come up with, it all just fell so short of what he knew she deserved. It was almost painful to look at her for the storm of emotions her perfection elicited, and he glanced back down.

There was no way he could do this, regardless of what Celestia had told him. The princess’s assessment of his new looks, of the purpose his magic had altered him for, he just couldn’t bring himself to believe it could be that easy. No, there was nothing in the whole of Equestria that could make him go through with…

“You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you,” Spike spoke up so suddenly that he startled himself. Doubly so in that he hadn’t meant to say anything.
“Thanked me?” Rarity asked in confusion. “Whatever for?”

“For saving me from myself.” Spike continued, the words coming unbidden from his mouth, “When I was out of control. You brought me back to myself.”

“Oh Spike,” Rarity tried for nonchalant, but fell short of the mark with the nervous edge to her tone. “I didn’t do anything. Mostly just ranted about my torn cape…”

“I know, but…” The self-speaking words paused for a perfect dramatic beat. “It might not have been anything you did right then, but more everything you had done before. It was like you had left something of yourself in me, in my heart, and it was what I needed to find my way back to who I really was when I was lost inside that monster I’d become.”

‘Alright Spike,’ the dragon thought furiously to himself. ‘I have no idea where that came from, or why I said it. But it’s okay, no need to panic.’ He dared to glance at Rarity, and found her staring at him, her eyes glistening and wide. ‘BEGIN PANICKING!’ his brain screamed.

“Oh Spike,” Rarity said, her tone hushed. “What a sweet thing to say.”

‘…it was?’ Spike boggled inwardly. His face however, remained calm. “Not as sweet as you’ve been to me,” his mouth continued on without direction from his brain.

“Heh, hardly,” Rarity replied with a scornful little laugh. “Not nearly as much as I should have been.”

“Rarity, you have never been anything but wonderful to me.”

“You’re too kind dearie,” Rarity sighed. “But I should have done…should have said something long ago, instead of…”

Spike surprised the both of them by laying a finger gently to her lips, silencing her.

“It’s okay,” he told her. “If anyone should have done anything, it was me. I should have realized that the time wasn’t right, that I wasn’t right for you, not as I was. I should have been patient…”

“Oh Spike, no,” Rarity disagreed. “You can’t take the blame for this, it was me, I was…”

“Too beautiful for me to think rationally around,” Spike cut in. The part of him that wasn’t trying to figure out why he was saying such things did take the moment to enjoy just how lovely Rarity looked when she blushed. Especially with her eyes open so wide, and filled with such amazement.

“Spike…” Rarity said in a breathy voice. “…my goodness darling, but when did you become so…I mean, no no, I can’t let you just brush off what I did to you, dangling you along like…”

Spike kissed her.

Panic the likes of which dragonkind surely had never thus forth experienced erupted within him when his mind finally processed what he had just done. How long that took he couldn’t even begin to say, as most of his attention was firmly and intently focused on just how marvelous it felt. Rarity’s lips were silken soft and smooth, pressing ever so gently against his. The delicious scent of her filled his head until he felt ready to drift away on the heavenly perfume. Her body was pressed up against his, a perfect blend of soft and firm.

As their lips parted and Spike started breathing again, his panic finally started to make headway into his conscious thoughts. He was in so much trouble. What in and above all of Equestria had compelled him to do something that stupid, that crazy, that…

Rarity kissed him.

Spike’s panic performed a sonic rainboom right into the ground.

The unicorn’s arms entwined around him, pulling him in close against her.

His panic dug itself its own grave, and pulled the dirt in on top of itself. She wasn’t offended. Or angry. Or scandalized.

He had kissed Rarity, and she was returning the affection! The realization would have floored him if whatever smooth talking, cool acting, babe kissing part of his new self hadn’t stepped in again, making him put his arms around her and start taking an active role in the kiss.

Spike had no rightful idea what he was doing. The most action he’d ever gotten was a few hugs and a kiss or two on the cheek. His instincts, or what he had to assume were his instincts as he couldn’t imagine where else he was dragging the knowledge from, kicked in and once again turned what should have been a complete crash and burn into a flawless maneuver. Rarity practically melted against him as the kiss deepened. Small, gentle moans of delight managed to slip their way free of her lips. She arched into him eagerly, her fingers tightening around the fabric of his shirt, pulling him to her in rising need.

Which was when an entirely different set of instincts kicked in. Something tickled the back of Spike’s mind. It was a small, subtle sensation, an awareness of something just slightly off. His senses, as preoccupied as they were with the marvelous mare in his arms, had just picked up on something. And it was right behind him.

There wasn’t time for thought, for consideration. His body was already in motion before Spike’s conscious mind had fully taken in that something had snuck up on him. Rarity gave a startled squeak as he pulled her off her feet, hunching protectively over her body. In the same motion his tail lashed out, fast as a snake’s strike. The something behind him let out a surprised curse, but even caught off guard it was just too quick, darting to one side in a multicolored blur. Spike’s tail smashed into, and then right through, the balcony’s guard rail in a spray of wooden splinters. A few rainbow colored strands of mane fluttered to the floor amongst the wreckage.

There was a long silence as Spike, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash just stared at each other.

“Um, wow…okay…” Dash said with a nervous laugh. “If you wanted privacy that much, you could have just hung something on the door.”

“Oh geez, Dash!” Spike finally gasped. “I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t, I wasn’t…I have no idea what just came over me…”

“S’cool bro, no harm done,” Dash said, trying to wave the incident off. She did not however step back within tail’s length of him.

“Spike dear,” Rarity spoke in a slightly strained voice. “Could you be so kind as to loosen your grip a bit?”

“What?” Spike asked, before realizing just how tightly he was holding the unicorn against himself. “Sorry Rarity.”

“That’s quite alright,” Rarity managed to say with dignity as he set her back on her feet. She took a measured step back from him, and glanced down. Her eyes tracked along his tail, taking in the ruined railing, and the spiderweb of cracks within the floor. “Are you alright?”

“Fine I think,” Spike replied, lifting his tail carefully. Nothing hurt, and turning it over revealed nothing worse a single chipped scale.

“All things considered,” Dash said. “That was actually really awesome.”

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said disapprovingly. “Be serious. If you hadn’t gotten out of the way…”

“I’d have one more lump to add to the collection,” Dash cut her off dismissively. “Please Rarity, I’ve been hit in the head before.”

“A few too many times perhaps,” Rarity retorted tartly.

“Yeah yeah,” Dash replied sarcastically. “Look, nothing bad happened, and even if he had gotten one in, I’ve walked away from worse. If everything I’ve managed to do to myself hasn’t taken me out, I don’t think Spike is gunna be the one to ground me for good.”

Rarity treated Dash to an icy glare. “And what if that hadn’t been you? What if it had been Twilight? Or Pinkie? Or Celestia forbid, Fluttershy?” The sky blue pegasus’s dismissive manner faltered.

“Well, I mean…” Dash hedged, her mind racing. “…Dude Spike, help me out here. Spike?”

The two mares turned their attention to Spike. The dragon had moved several paces away from them both, and was hunched in on himself, holding onto his tail as if afraid of what might happen if he let go.

“Spike?” Rarity asked in concern, taking a tentative step towards him.

“Don’t!” Spike half yelled, startling everyone. “Please, don’t come near me!”

“Spike,” Rarity said softly, though a thin undercurrent of pain laced the words. “Darling, it’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” Spike shot back. “Sun and moon, but you’re right. What if that had been someone else? I could have really hurt someone.” He shivered. “And just when I thought this time was different.”

“This time?” Dash inquired.

“It’s just like before,” Spike groaned, his hands clenching until his claws started to dig lines through his scales. “I’m going to keep getting bigger, and I’m going to be a danger to everyone I care about.”

Dash opened her mouth, but Rarity’s head snapped sideways to fix her with a narrow eyed gaze of doom, and the rainbow maned mare’s teeth clacked together. The unicorn gave her a few more seconds of ocular death, and then her features soften as she turned her attention back to Spike. She took a calming breath, and started forward.

“Stay back!” Spike pleaded, shuffling himself into one corner of the balcony. “Rarity please, if I did anything to you, I couldn’t live with myself!”

Rarity didn’t stay back, but purposefully strode over to where the dragon was now curled up on himself. She knelt down beside him, and gently laid a hand alongside his face. Spike flinched, but she didn’t respond to the motion. Her other hand took hold of the other side of his jaw, and she ever so softly turned him to face her.

“My little Spikey-Wikey,” Rarity managed to say in complete seriousness. “ You aren’t going to do anything dreadful to me, or anyone else.”

“You don’t know that,” Spike replied.

“Yes I do,” she told him tartly. “Unless all that about me being in your heart was just some pretty talk you didn’t really mean…”

Spike didn’t reply, but he managed to shake his head slightly between her hands. He might not have meant to say it, but that didn’t make it any less true.

“Then you have nothing to worry about, because I’ll be right there to keep you as yourself.”

“But…”

“No, I will not hear any buts out of you mister,” Rarity informed him. “The moment you even think about acting like some brute of a dragon, I will squoosh your cute chubby cheeks in front of everyone. I should like to see you try to be a monster when you are too flustered to do anything but splutter in embarrassment.”

Spike’s face flushed slightly just thinking about it, and Rarity leaned forward to rest her forehead against his.

“It’ll be alright darling.”

“You really mean it?” he asked softly.

“Pinkie promise,” she said with a small smile. “Now come on,” she urged gently. “You’re getting your…uh, outfit…dirty.”

“It’s just a set of curtains Twilight transmuted,” Spike said, allowing Rarity to pull him to his feet. “I don’t think anyone is going to really care about some dust on them.”

“Be that as it may,” Rarity replied primly. “It’s still no reason to be walking around in filthy garments.” She gave the baggy shirt and pants a slightly scornful look. “Though truth be told, I think it’d be best to get you out of those…”

Dash gave an indecent chuckle.

“…and into something more flattering for your physique,” the unicorn finished with only a slight edge to her tone.

“Maybe something a bit tighter?” Dash asked with a smug grin. Rarity gave a delicate ‘humph’, but otherwise chose to ignore the comment.

“Now then,” Rarity said. “What are you doing here Rainbow Dash? Sneaking up on people like that, hardly proper behavior.”

“Sneaking nothing,” Dash scoffed, crossing her arms and leaning against the railing. “You two were just so busy pawing at each other…”

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity flared up. Spike just blushed and looked down.

“Beg away,” Dash retorted. “Anyway, too bad I didn’t walk in on you two about five minutes later, I could have really gotten a show then.”

Rarity made a rightly scandalized gasp. “As if!”

“Oh please, you were half tearing his clothes off.”

“Anyway,” Rarity ground out through clenched teeth. “Why are you out here?” Dash looked like she’d rather keep needling the prim and proper mare, but finally she gave an indifferent shrug.

“Things got a little heated inside,” Dash supplied. “Pinkie was trying to surprise princess Luna with these pies and well…I’m not really sure what all happened, but there was filling everywhere and a hole in a wall…”

“Okay, I just have to break in here and set the record straight,” Pinkie said. “They were fritters, not pies. I mean seriously, might as well call an éclair a doughnut.” She glanced up at Discord’s stone face and nodded sagely. “Exactly. Anyway, where was I…?”

“Oh dear,” Rarity sighed. “I suppose we best head back and see if we can help salvage the situation.”

“We?” Dash asked skeptically.

“Yes, we,” Rarity told her. “We are all guests in the Princess’s home, and we should behave with proper decorum. What one of us does reflects on all of us.”

“Says she who snuck out to get freaky with…”

“That is quite enough!” Rarity snapped. “I will not stand here and let you indulge your crude sense of humor at my expense. Just because you’re jealous…”

“Jealous? Me!” Dash replied indignity.

“Yes, you,” Rarity sniffed. “Maybe if you bothered acting like a lady once in a while, guys might just pay attention to you too.”

“For your information, guys pay plenty of attention to me!”

“Well yes, with all the constant showboating you do,” Rarity said, rolling her eyes. “How many dates has that gotten you by the way?”

“Oh you just think you know everything about relationships do you?” Dash growled. “Then how come I’m in a herd and you’re not?”

“…what?” Rarity asked after a stunned silence.

“Yeah!” Dash smirked triumphantly. “What have you got…to…say…oh horseapples, I shouldn’t have said that,” she finished slowly as realization set in.

“Are you with Twilight and Pinkie then?” Spike asked, earning an even more thunderstruck look from Rarity.

“What?” the unicorn demanded.

“How’d you know about that?” Dash asked.

“Uh, well…” Spike fidgeted. “I might have walked in on them making out a few days ago.”

“They were what?” Rarity spluttered.

“Oh geez,” Dash sighed. “Alright fine, Rarity…me, Twilight, Pinkie and Big Macintosh have started up a herd.”

“And you didn’t bother to tell…”

“It just happened recently Rarity,” Dash broke in. “We were going to tell you…and well, ask you to join.”

“…you wha?” Rarity managed, all poise forgotten.

“We were going to ask you to join,” Dash repeated. “Pinkie had this whole big plan cooked up. I’m not really sure how it was supposed to work, what with the cannons and the confetti and…well anyway, I guess since I blabbed it…you uh, wanna join?” She finished lamely with a weak smile.

“I’m sorry Dash,” Rarity said, her voice suddenly very calm and controlled. “But I must decline.” She laid a hand upon Spike’s arm. “I’m going to be with Spike. Since your herd already has a stallion, I’m afraid it would be quite improper.”

“Yeah, I figured you’d say something like that,” Dash sighed.

“I am sorry Rainbow, it would have been very nice but…”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Dash said. “Just don’t know how I’m going to break it to Pinkie. This whole thing has been her idea.”

“If it would help, I’ll tell her,” Rarity offered.

“You…you will?” Dash blinked.

“Of course darling. It’s my responsibility to do so, as her friend.”

“Oh…well yeah, that makes sense,” Dash nodded, looking immensely revealed.

“No point putting it off,” Rarity said, as much to herself as to anyone else. She linked arms with Spike, and flashed him a warm smile. “Will you please accompany me, my stallion?”

Spike blinked for a second, then slowly smiled back. “Of course, my darling.”

“…and that’s about when Rarity, Spike, and Dashy walked in to find me, Luna, and AJ naked and covered in raspberry filling,” Pinkie finished up for Discord. “Which was not at all as fun as it might sound.” The pink earth mare trailed off with a sigh.

“Well anyway, Rarity made her choice. And sad as it is, I’m still happy for her. And at least now I don’t have to worry about Spike getting jealous about Twilight.”

Pinkie hopped down from the dais, stretching her arms high above her head with a series of pops. She gathered up the empty glasses and the milk jug, tucking everything back inside her bag.

“Well, thanks for listening Discord,” she told the statue. “It really helped me clear my head. I’ll be sure to stop by next time I’m in Canterlot.”

She gave the entrapped spirit of chaos a last friendly wave and then headed back out of the maze, skipping along contently. The sun had risen high enough to banish even the deepest shadows of the maze, the living green of the hedges brilliant in the golden light. The sunlight swam over Discord’s statue, washing out the harsher edges and hard angles, casting back a soft, white glow around the central courtyard.

Pinkie Pie soon left the gardens and the royal grounds entirely behind, bouncing her way across Canterlot. She smiled happily and waved to people as she wound her way through the crowded streets. Few people returned her smile, and fewer still waved back, but she didn’t let it bother her. She had come to accept that cracking the thick veneer of the uptight Equestrian elite was going to take far more than a night and a gala. All in due time.

Her erratic course through the city eventually brought her to the Equestrian Express Train Station. Like the city, the station was heavily packed with somewhat overly serious individuals. Mostly. One loading platform stood out starkly from the rest for the near lack of activity upon it. Only three figures stood upon the open expanse beside the waiting train, though the ramps leading up to the platform were crowded. Not by citizens however, but a contingent of royal guards.

“Pinkie, where have you been?” Twilight Sparkle called out in exasperation as the bubbly mare bounced her way up the loading ramp onto the platform, the guards parting to let her pass with only a cursory inspection . “We’ve been worried about you!”

“Whatever for?” Pinkie asked, coming to a stop before the purple hued unicorn. She folded her arms behind her back and treated Twilight to a warm smile. “The train doesn’t leave for another three and a half minutes.”

“And you don’t think that’s cutting it a bit close?” Twilight demanded, her features twisted in equal parts frustration and relief. “Everyone else is already on board. What if you had gotten hung up or…” The tirade cut off as Celestia stepped up behind her prized pupil and gently laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Come now Twilight, she made it on time,” the princess told her, a small amused smile playing around her face.

“Indeed,” Luna chimed in, her own features stoic. “Do not stress thyself with what may have been.”

“…yes princesses,” Twilight relented, though she still gave Pinkie a hard look.

“I’m sorry Twilight,” Pinkie offered, stepped up close and dropping her voice to low whisper. “If you’d like, I can make it up to you later.” She waggled her eyebrows at the unicorn in an overtly suggestive manner.

Twilight flushed slightly, and then more so at the soft chuckle from behind her. “Please,” she begged in a very faint tone. “Not in front of Celestia.”

Before Pinkie could think of a suitable reply, a booming voice called across the station for the final boarding, and Twilight gave a small start. She turned quickly back to her teacher and mentor.

“Princess Celestia, thank you so much for inviting us to the gala, and into your home…”

Pinkie moved off a few steps, giving Twilight and Celestia a small measure of privacy. She was a bit surprised when Luna followed her, and that the princess was looking at her rather intently. Pinkie looked back at the princess of the night, bouncing slightly on her heels as she waited. She could all but see Luna trying to choose the proper words.

“Pinkie Pie,” the princess said at last, her tone so soft she barely sounded like herself. “Thou doest confuse us. When first we met on Nightmare Night, thou did flee from us repeatedly and in seeming fright. Yet the night previous it was thou who spent the most time speaking with us, and never once displayed fear or unease, even when thy friends did.” Luna paused, and then sighed. “You drenched me in several gallons of pie filling,” she added, dropping even her formal speech. “And somehow managed to convince me to strip naked, though how that was to help the situation I still cannot fathom. And you just carried on like nothing unusual had occurred. I…I have no idea what to think.”

“Well…” Pinkie said thoughtfully. “Did you have fun?”

“I…I suppose I did, for the most part.”

“And everything turned out okay in the end right?”

“My bedroom is going to smell of raspberries for a month, at least,” Luna complained lightly.

“Could be worse. But if it really bothers you…” Pinkie leaned in close, and waggled her eyebrows again. “I could make it up to you too.”

“Come on Pinkie, we have to go!” Twilight half shouted, grabbing her by the arm and pulling the earth mare towards the train. “Good bye princess Celestia, princess Luna.”

“Farewell Twilight,” Celestia replied, waving as her student dragged a widely grinning Pinkie Pie onto the train just moments before it began to pull out of the station. The solar princess glanced sideways at her oddly silent sister. “Luna, are you alright?”

Luna stared after the departing train in obvious consideration for a while, then looked at Celestia.

“Sister, you said that Twilight Sparkle had informed you that she and Pinkie Pie had formed a herd, correct?”

“Yes, she did,” Celestia answered in mild confusion. “Along with Rainbow Dash and Applejack’s brother. Why?”

“I have yet to fully study all the modern laws and customs since my return.” Celestia looked positively baffled at such a reply.

“And what does that have to do with…” Celestia began.

“Is the rite of the Honorary Herd Wife still practiced?” Luna broke in, and did her level best not to laugh at the rare sight of her sister looking utterly and openly flabbergasted. She managed, if only just. “What? It’s been forever since anyone talked me out of my clothing, and then I don't even get anything afterwards? I’d like to know what my options are for next time…”