Big Macintosh, Derpy, And A Loud Mouth

by palelordhiphis

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Big Macintosh, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Applejack
Length: 1467

Back in Big Macintosh's school days he got into a fight over some jokes somepony made about the wrong filly

Back in Big Macintosh's school days he got into a fight over some jokes somepony made about the wrong filly.

Published 2013-01-03 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-03 19:00:01 UTC

Big Macintosh, Derpy, And A Loud Mouth

"Hey, Big Macintosh!" A grating voice called out from across the field as the young colt was leaving school. The voice belonged to Loud Mouth, the self styled class clown. No one thought he was funny.

"Maybe if I pretend I didn't hear him he'll stop talking to me," Big Macintosh thought to himself as he tried to blend in with his other classmates also making their way to their homes. If only he could avoid having to listen to Loud Mouth again today. His sense of humor left something the be desired, namely the part of humor that is actually funny.

"C'mon, BM, I know ya heard me!" the blue colt with a green mane shouted out as he galloped up along side Big Macintosh.

"Don't call me BM," Big Macintosh said flatly as he kept walking.

"Ah c'mon, don't be that way, BM," Loud Mouth whined in a voice that felt like needles piercing Big Macintosh's ears.

Big Macintosh let out a loud sigh, "What do ya want, Loud Mouth? I don't have a lot of time. I've got chores to get to."

"I've got some great jokes to tell ya!" Loud Mouth said with a lopsided grin, "Wanna hear 'em?"

"Not really," Big Macintosh said.

"Great!" Loud Mouth said, ignoring Big Macintosh charging forward with his joke, "Okay. Okay. How do you blow out the candles on a birthday cake if Derpy Hooves is standing in the way?"

"I don't really-" Big Macintosh said, trying to get out of the conversation.

"You blow in her ear," Loud Mouth said and then continued, "You see it's funny, 'cause there's nothing in between her ears to get in the way of your breath!"

"That's not really-" Big Macintosh said as he tried to make eye contact with somepony else, anypony else, to get him out of this blasted conversation.

"What's the difference between Derpy and a blind pony?" Loud Mouth said, charging forward with his jokes, "You have a better chance of figuring out what the blind pony is looking at!"

"That's not funny," Big Macintosh said, his eyes narrowing and his cheeks starting to burn red, "You really need to-"

"Okay. Okay! I got one more," Loud Mouth interrupted, "Derpy is so stupid-"

Big Macintosh felt hot blood rise to his cheeks and the next moment he heard a cracking adolescent voice shouting, "You just shut the buck up, Loud Mouth!" followed by the sound of two rear hooves making a meaty thwack against somepony. After moment his head cleared and he realized the voice had been his own and that he'd just sent Loud Mouth face first into the dirt about five feet away.

"What the buck, BM?" Loud Mouth said as he slowly wobbled back to his feet, "What's wrong with you? You got a crush on that cross eyed-"

"I said," Big Macintosh felt hot blood burning in his cheeks like a summer sun, "You better just shut the buck up before I really lose my temper."

"You just got a lucky shot in, sucker punched me." Loud Mouth said as he started walking towards Big Macintosh, "I'm gonna knock your head back down into-"

"Boys!" the deep and steady baritone of Mr. Peach cut through the yard like a plow through a field, "You will stop fighting. Now."

Big Macintosh and Loud Mouth both spun towards Mr Peach and said nearly in unison, "Yes, Mr Peach. Sorry."

"You should be," Mr Peach said firmly, "You'll both be cleaning the classroom all next week instead of attending recess. Is that understood?"

"Yes," Both of the young colts said.

"Very good," Mr. Peach said, "Now, Big Macintosh, I believe you have chores at home. Mr Mouth, I suggest you find some better use for your time than making jokes at your classmate's expense. You boys are dismissed."

Big Macintosh walked home a little more slowly than he should have. There were apple trees to buck, hay to harvest, and the barn roof needed patching, but his legs felt like they were sinking in wet clay.

"Why'd I let that Loud Mouth irk me like that?" he thought to himself, "It's not like he hadn't made jokes that were just as bad about everyone else, but when he started joking about her... Derpy isn't stupid. She's sweet, and kind, and treats people better than they deserve..."

"Hiya, Big Brother," a squeaky voice called out as tiny, energetic ball of orange and yellow bounded into him, "You look awful sour."

"Hey, AJ," Big Macintosh said to his little sister as she climbed up on his back to get a ride back up the main path to the house, "I suppose I am a bit out of sorts."

"Granny says it's hard to be a sour puss when you're eating a slice of sweet apple pie," Applejack said.

"Is that so?" Big Macintosh asked, "Well, if Granny Smith says so, then it must be true. I'll have to have a slice when we get home."

"And an apple fritter for me," Applejack said as she nuzzled into her big brother's mane.

"Oh, yes," Big Macintosh said, "Of course."

After the slice of apple pie, and working at all the chores that needed to be taken care of, Big Macintosh felt most of the stress from his fight with Loud Mouth drift away like a pegasus on a cloud. The only worry he couldn't quite shake was that Granny would probably find out about the fight from the gossipers on her next trip to market.

"Maybe I should tell Granny," Big Macintosh thought to himself, "Or maybe I should just go ahead and nail my hide to the wall for her. Eyup, I'm in trouble either way. Might as well enjoy the peace while it lasts."

****

Big Macintosh spent most of Saturday Apple Bucking in the west field and hoping that Granny wouldn't be in too much of a twist when she got home from market. Ponyville was a gossip mill if there ever was one and he was sure she'd heard about his fight before she'd even finished setting up the apple stand.

"When Granny gets home tonight, I'm going to hear about it until sunrise tomorrow. Then she'll really lay into me," he muttered to himself as he kicked the trunk of an apple tree and bright red apples tumbled into the baskets below.

When lunch time rolled around Big Macintosh decided to wander up to the south border of the farm. He liked the way the light bounced off of the orchards when he sat next to the old stone wall that some past generation of the Apple family had built long ago. It had crumbled in a few places, but it was nothing a couple days work wouldn't patch up.

While he munched on his tomato and hay sandwich he noticed a tiny grey speck in the sky, bobbing back and forth erratically and growing larger. There was only one pony that zigged and zagged that much while flying.

"Hey, Big Macintosh," Derpy said quietly as she landed on top of a low section of the concrete and stone wall Big Macintosh was sitting near.

"Howdy, Miss Hooves," he said as he looked out over the apple orchard.

They were both quiet for a moment and even the crickets seemed to be holding back their chirps as if waiting for something.

"So, um, I heard you got into that big fight with Loud Mouth because he was telling some jokes about me..." Derpy stuttered out nervously.

"Eyup," he replied.

"Well, on the one hoof, I'm really happy you stood up for me, but," Derpy considered her words before continuing, "I don't think you should get into fights, especially not for ponies picking on me. It's okay if they make fun of me-"

"Beg pardon, Miss Hooves, but No. No it ain't okay," Big Macintosh said with a stern expression on his face, "You're one of the nicest fillies in Ponyville and I aim to see to it that folks treat ya as such."

Derpy blushed, "Oh, thank you, but I still don't want you to fight. It's dangerous and ponies can get hurt. Promise me you won't fight unless you really, really, really have to?"

Big Macintosh smiled and looked down, "Well now, I ain't sayin' I won't ever get into another fight... but, if it matters that much to you, I promise to do everythin' I can to avoid it. Deal?"

"Deal!" Derpy said as she flew up into the air and hovered for a moment, "See you tomorrow at school?"

"If Granny Smith don't kill me for gettin' into a fight," Big Macintosh said and smiled as he watched her fly away.