That what was meant not to exist
That what was meant not to exist
The screaming creature
Two ponies entered Twilight’s library. And I have to admit it’s pretty bad when you begin a story by lying. But it is rather difficult not to when Twilight was thinking there was two ponies entering, then decided one of them wasn’t a pony, while I’m still trying to figure that fact out.
Let’s just say that Fluttershy entered Twilight’s library, backwards to be even more precise, facing a creature that looked very much like a pony, a stallion even, but totally white, with no cutie mark and a very strange look from his two eyes, a very distant look.
“What… Who is that?” asked Twilight, correcting herself in case it was, nevertheless, a pony.
Fluttershy began to explain. But as she basically didn’t know who he was, or what it was, her explanations were reduced to:
“I found him in my house this morning. He looked lost and wouldn’t answer any of my questions, so I decided to go find him something to eat, but as soon as I stopped looking at him, he began to scream and that every time I stopped looking. So I’ve decided to come see you.”
Twilight didn’t even took time to wonder how she would have reacted if she had found a grown-up stallion wandering in her house. But she was pretty certain her first reaction wouldn’t have been to wonder if the stranger was hungry.
Ignoring that aspect, she noticed something about the pony that triggered her memory. The combination of the white coat, white mane, distant look in the eyes and finally the screams when not looked at just reminded her of something she had read long ago. She just needed one confirmation.
“Fluttershy,” she began, “could you please look away from him for a second please?”
“But he is going to scream…” answered the shy pegasus who was as much afraid of hurting another pony as of the screams themselves.
“That’s the point exactly.” Twilight replied. “I need a confirmation.”
So Fluttershy turned her head away from the pony, but no sound was to be heard. Fluttershy started looking again right away.
“You see?” said Fluttershy, using the wrong verb by mistake, “I cannot let him suffer like that. Those screams are just so sad, so full of pain…”
Twilight explained that she couldn’t hear any scream whatsoever. Then, she asked Fluttershy to wait a little, to give her time to find the book she needed. It didn’t take her too long and she came back with the “Encyclopedia of the mythical creatures of equestrian and everywhere else”. She found what she was looking for and then began to explain her discovery to Fluttershy, who was still staring at the white pony looking shape in front of her.
“Oh, Fluttershy, I cannot believe you actually found one of those.” Began Twilight, clearly amazed, “Almost nopony ever spoke about them. I thought they couldn’t exist. In fact, that’s the trick you see, they are creatures that are meant not to exist…”
Fluttershy, who was tired of having stared at the same pony the whole day, interrupted her and asked:
“This is great, Twilight, but who is he then and why does he scream?”
Twilight apologized and began again:
“It’s an ephemeral.” she said, “We know almost nothing about them. Just that once you’ve begun to care for it, it will cease to exist if you stop. It’s why they are called ephemerals: they never last. The few testimonies that were received are clear about that. If you stop looking at it, it will die.”
Fluttershy’s heart jumped and jumped again as she began panicking the more she was realizing the situation she was in. And it was quite simple in fact. The existence of a creature was depending on her not looking away. She was understanding why the creature had followed her all along, and why the creature hadn’t stopped looking at her since they had met. And now that she was looking into those two strange eyes that she had been looking at for so long, she was able to see something else than just a distant look. There was also a little flame inside, very deep, that was shouting: “Don’t let me die. I want to live, don’t let me die.”
Twilight saw that something was wrong. And she was able to make Fluttershy explain to her what she was feeling. More importantly, she heard Fluttershy tell her:
“Twilight, I can’t stop looking at him. I don’t want to hurt anypony, and even less kill them!”
Twilight sighed. That determination was, in her opinion totally pointless. She tried to explain it one more time. The ephemeral was a creature that was meant to cease to exist. In fact, her book was telling that those creatures were never meant to exist in the first place. It was in their nature to just… disappear. Nothing anypony could do and nothing anypony should do. It was the natural order of things.
But Fluttershy wouldn’t hear it. The rational arguments didn’t reach her, and her friend’s opinion wasn’t even remotely as important as the value she was giving to life, even the life of an ephemeral who was supposedly supposed to cease to exist. For poor Fluttershy, there were only those two big eyes looking at her and the screams in her head and in her heart.
“Twilight.” tried to say Fluttershy, “If he was really meant to disappear, why would he be screaming?”
“I don’t know.” answered Twilight. “In fact, some of the testimonies about the ephemerals don’t speak about the screams. I think it depends on the pony they are connected to. Maybe it doesn’t scream at all.”
“It?” asked Fluttershy, suddenly noticing Twilight’s expression.
“Well, you know… the creature. Oh, by the way, they give an advice here in the book. They say that, whatever you do, you should never give them a name. They also say not to talk about them, but we are a little late for that part, aren’t we?”
Twilight tried to smile, but failed. Not only had she understood that Fluttershy wouldn’t let the ephemeral disappear as he was meant to, but she herself was feeling another type of natural need that she knew Fluttershy wouldn’t appreciate.
But she very probably never would have got such an occasion again, so she asked anyway.
“Fluttershy?” began to ask Twilight, with the biggest awkward smile she could come up with, “would you mind if I did some test to that ephemeral? We know about nothing about them, maybe I could learn something before he vanishes…”
She thought Fluttershy would answer with anger or rage to protect her new companion, or pet, or friend, or protégé, or whatever it was for her. But she was more scared by Fluttershy’s reaction as she would have been in those cases. Because Fluttershy was holding back. She only answered that the ephemeral wouldn’t vanish, and then that she wasn’t against learning about him as long as he wasn’t hurt.
And the determination in Fluttershy’s voice was sounding like the whole universe had taken a decision and was ready to go as far as to twist the course of destiny if it was necessary.
Twilight did her tests on the ephemeral under Fluttershy’s eyes, learned nothing, tried to reason Fluttershy one last time, and finally let them both go away. And somewhere in her mind, she could hear like a little scream that she soon wiped out and forget.
The help that never came
The first thing Rarity saw when Fluttershy opened the door of her cottage was how horrible she was looking. And by that, I don’t mean only by Rarity’s standards. Anypony, even the most careless of all ponies, would have told that Fluttershy wasn’t well at all.
She looked tired, stressed, almost burned out. But as her whole corpse seemed almost empty of all energy, in the middle of her two empty eyes, she was still present, and focused on the task she had given herself.
“Come inside, quick!” said Fluttershy, already gone to go back in the middle of the room look at the ephemeral.
The scene was a little surreal and Rarity couldn’t hold back some fear when looking at it. Not that it was really scary, but it was clearly out of the ordinary. And very touching.
Fluttershy and the ephemeral were in the middle of the room. All around them were all of Fluttershy’s pets, also looking at the ephemeral. Some were sleeping, other were patrolling, and some were training their eyes not to blink too much.
I prefer not to mention how it was going with the coffee.
Rarity came inside the room and didn’t even have to ask for an explanation.
“It also works when somepony else is looking at him.” Said Fluttershy with a warm but tired voice. “I was so afraid that I would fall asleep or blink too much that I asked my little friends to help me and we have been keeping guard ever since. But I still cannot go to sleep. I fear that he wouldn’t be there anymore when I wake up.”
Rarity didn’t know what to say. She had discussed with Twilight and knew what it was all about. She had come to try and reason Fluttershy. But now, she was only concerned about the well-being of her friend.
“Fluttershy, dear…” began Rarity, “It has been three days. Surely you’ve had some sleep, right?”
She didn’t need the answer to know that she hadn’t. But Rarity looked at the ephemeral and suddenly understood why Fluttershy was enduring so much suffer. Rarity went near her and hugged her, making sure she wasn’t perturbing her watching task by any means. She heard Fluttershy begin to cry.
“I need help.” said the shy pegasus, “Please help me.”
“You could still…” began Rarity, before thinking about what she was about to say. Then she just told Fluttershy: “I’m here, I’ll help you. We will maintain him alive, I promise you.”
She heard Fluttershy’s voice, but not what she had said. Nonetheless, she could guess it was a “thank you” just from the sound of it.
“What is his name?” asked Rarity, to lighten up the mood.
“Twilight said I shouldn’t give him one.” sighed Fluttershy.
“Well, I see no reason why not.” answered Rarity.
She wanted to prove she was as much involved as Fluttershy was. To prove it to Fluttershy and, by the way, to herself.
“I think we should name him right away.” added Rarity, “What does he do?”
“He doesn’t do anything” replied Fluttershy. “He only moves when I move.”
“Then,” said Rarity, “We will have to find a name another way. Maybe Mister Raggedy, what do you think of that? I’ve always thought somepony should be named Mister Raggedy.”
Fluttershy smiled.
“Mister Raggedy is fine with me.” She answered.
Rarity convinced Fluttershy to let her and the critters take guard and to go sleep for a while. And she began to take guard and look at Mister Raggedy the ephemeral.
It was good for Fluttershy to go to sleep. She really needed some. As soon as she had closed her eyes, the dreams took her away from reality like a tornado had transported her away in one direct flight. The white pony, the ephemeral, was in her dreams. That was quite normal, as she had seen almost only him for the past three days. He wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Just standing there, watching in the distance, like nothing was really of interest to him. Just standing there as the most useless pony there could be. Thinking about it, he was probably, in appearance at least, the laziest creature in all of Equestria. But still, he was there, standing and alive. Even with the sound of somepony knocking at the door.
Because somepony was knocking at the door.
Instinctively, Fluttershy woke up, totally in panic. She fell down the stairs more than she went down them and saw the room, and the ephemeral in the middle. But Rarity was gone and most of the critters were asleep. Only her bunny, Angel, was still looking in the eyes of the creature as well as he was hitting the ground with his paw to alarm about the danger, as he knew he was very tired himself.
Fluttershy rushed to take her place in front of the creature and help Angel who, feeling the presence of the pegasus, stopped his sound with his paw, but stayed focus almost thirty more seconds before he fell asleep.
Rarity came back and saw Fluttershy staring at the ephemeral.
“What are you doing awake?” she asked, very concerned, “You know you need sleep.”
“I needed help!” cried Fluttershy, keeping her look focused on the creature. “Why did you go away? Mister Raggedy could have died because of you. You almost killed him!”
Rarity realized what had happened as she saw Angel asleep at Fluttershy’s hooves. She tried to apologize, explain. She had left to answer the door with almost ten critters awake. She just hadn’t understood how tired all of them were. She felt guilty, very guilty. But Fluttershy wasn’t rested enough to be able to make the effort of forgiveness that would have been required. She was angry, and sad, and too tired to control those emotions. The only thing she was able to do was to focus and keep Mister Raggedy alive, in existence.
Rarity ran off, ashamed, crushed under the guilt.
By chance, she was still fresh and could think straight. She decided to go catch Twilight and bring her to help Fluttershy. She thought of Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, but she knew the first one was too far away and probably too busy, the second one was at the Wonderbolt academy and wouldn’t probably be the best to handle the situation and that the third one, for some reason, only showed up when she wanted, so it was, most of the time, pointless to look after her.
It was only her and Twilight left to go and help their friend.
They both arrived and saw Fluttershy crying in front of the creature that was looking at her, or through her maybe.
“Fluttershy…” began Twilight.
But the pegasus told them to leave her. And I feel the need to point out that it’s one of the most irrational things in the whole universe that we almost always ask to be left alone when we actually want to be helped.
“Fluttershy,” began Twilight again, “I know you feel that you have the responsibility to make him live. But you’ve not. It doesn’t work that way. He is an ephemeral.”
“Mister Raggedy is a pony, as much as you and me.” answered Fluttershy, actually trying, in desperation, to convince Twilight, to make her see.
“But he doesn’t do anything. He just sits there. He is useless.” tried to say Twilight.
“That doesn’t mean he should stop to exist!” replied Fluttershy.
“He doesn’t even see you. He probably doesn’t care for you at all.” said Twilight.
“I’m not doing it for me, I’m doing it for him.” explained the pegasus.
“Come on, you know you can’t keep on like that. It would take all of Ponyville to try and keep guard at all times.” argued Twilight.
“I’ll keep on because I must. It’s worth it.” said the stubborn pony, still keeping her look focused on the ephemeral.
“Fluttershy, it is not a life.”
“Twilight, this is life.”
“What can I say?” asked Twilight, “What can I say to help you?”
“Don’t help me.” answered Fluttershy. “But please help him.”
Fluttershy was at her limit. The tears were almost blocking her vision. The lack of sleep was muddling up her mind and her legs couldn’t support her weigh for much longer.
“Maybe you could use a spell to help him. With that magic of yours…” tried Fluttershy, as she was feeling her determination wouldn’t be enough.
“I’m sorry.” said Twilight. “I already looked it up. The ephemerals are some of the most complex creatures ever and we know about nothing about them. There is no spell that can help. I even wrote to the princess about it. Even she cannot help. It’s just the way it has to be. An ephemeral is meant not to exist.”
Fluttershy cried, but suddenly felt a hoof on her shoulder. That wasn’t Rarity or Twilight. It was the ephemeral hoof. Mister Raggedy’s hoof. He had moved toward her to land this hoof on her shoulder and she understood the message.
He was telling her it was okay to let go.
Her two friends understood the same thing.
So Rarity hugged Fluttershy, and then the ephemeral, and then Twilight who also hugged everypony and, finally, they decided to close their eyes all at the same time to let Mister Raggedy go away, after having said goodbye.
And so they all said goodbye to Mister Raggedy.
And so they all closed they eyes.
When they opened them, Mister Raggedy was still there, and not the less surprised to notice it. It was like he was just beginning to notice he had legs, hooves, a tail, a mane. Altogether, he was surprised to still exist, or to exist at all.
The legacy of the ephemerals beings
Some days passed. And they were very happy. Twilight and Rarity, very relieved, had gone back home and visited Fluttershy once or two, always to see her live her life and spend some time with the creature that was moving around the cottage and learning to help the shy pegasus in her tasks. He still had that distant look in his eyes, but he felt different anyway.
But after four days, Mister Raggedy began spending all his time on the same spot of the garden. He would come there in the morning and leave only very late at night, because Fluttershy would ask him to.
Finally, the pegasus understood what he was doing. Because at the spot he always came to was a tree that was beginning to grow. And he would spend all his time watching him grow, totally amazed by what he was seeing, which was not a lot as it was only a growing tree. Which is, well, almost as interesting as watching paint dry. Just ask Pinkie Pie.
On the thirteenth day, Fluttershy woke up, but couldn’t find Mister Raggedy anywhere. After she had searched alone all that she could, she went and asked for the help of her friends and, finally, all the ponies ready to lend a helping hoof, which meant all of Ponyville, Cloudsdale and some who came from Canterlot at the news of a missing pony.
But they never found him. They gave up after three whole days and night of search, leaving Fluttershy alone to endure the loss of her new friend.
Well, not alone for long, as her five friends, Spike and all of her critters came to her to comfort her, knowing she was sad.
“I thought we had helped him.” told them Fluttershy. “I’ve been careless, it’s my fault.”
She knew that wasn’t true. And Twilight corrected her. Once again, she told her that it was what was meant to be. The natural order of things for an ephemeral.
“You still haven’t understood, have you?” asked Fluttershy, with a lot of empathy. “That’s not important. I can’t be mad at you for not understanding.”
“Then explain it to me.” said Twilight, really wanting to understand.
But it was Rarity who tried to explain:
“Well, it’s hard to put it in words. You could just say that we are alive.”
“Yeah, I understand that.” said Applejack. “We are alive. Well said.”
Twilight looked at Spike and Rainbow Dash who both nodded and agreed with Rarity, as well as Fluttershy.
But as for Pinkie Pie, she just asked Applejack what kind of tree was the one that Mister Raggedy - whose name she had found hilarious by the way – had taken so much time for. They all went to see it and were surprised to see a whole grown-up tree instead of the little one that should have been there.
As expected, Pinkie Pie didn’t care that Applejack couldn’t find what kind of tree it was.
They all discussed about it for a moment, with some strange propositions like a lightning tree from Rainbow Dash, a gemstone tree from Spike and… another gemstone tree from Rarity, until the little voice of Fluttershy could be heard.
“It’s… hum… it’s a warmth tree.” She said.
“How do you know that?” asked Rainbow Dash, who was still hoping for an awesome lightning tree.
“Well… hum… because it’s warmer near it. It produces heat, so it’s a warmth tree.” Answered Fluttershy.
“Shouldn’t it be called a heating tree then?” asked Twilight.
Everpony agreed the logic of calling a tree that produces heat, a heating tree, but still preferred the warmth tree name.
And so they spent the night in the warmth of the tree, discussing together and looking at the stars, as other ponies would after them for centuries and centuries again.
Twilight decided to write a letter to princess Celestia and asked Spike to take note.
“Dear princess Celestia,
Those past days, I’ve met Mister Raggedy, an ephemeral, and my friend Fluttershy decided to keep him alive even if it was in its nature to cease to exist. And I think she succeeded, even if the ephemeral, in the end, has vanished.
Today, I’ve learned that we are alive.
I’m not sure to know what it means yet, I’m not sure I’ll ever know, but I’ll try to figure it out somehow.
Your loyal student,
Twilight Sparkle.”
THE END
Author's Note
I swear I tried to be politically correct with the subject and treat both points of view as equally as possible (and adding a third one).
Still, after I've tried to write a dozen of other stories, I'm surprised to see this one being the one I'm able to finish and publish. Turned out way better than I imagined I would be able to write it.
Words repeat themselves because I wanted to limit my mistakes when writing and not try to use too many synonyms.
The name "Raggedy" has been chosen in reference of doctor who "my raggedy doctor" (season 5 eleventh doctor). I only figured out what it was a reference to in the first place after I had finished writing the whole thing and didn't think it was too much of a problem to keep it as it is.
