(A/N: This chapter hasn't been proofread, so feel free to point out any mistakes you see.)

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... “JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I HAVE WINGS!”

Boom. I woke up and tried to jump to my feet. It didn’t work. Taking in my surroundings, I found myself chained down like a starfish to a rough bed staring up at a stone ceiling. Also, I was naked except for my underwear. Oh the irony. Despite actually making it to Equestria, we’d still managed to get arrested. Curse you Discord!

“Ed, what are you talking abou... oh.”

“Sam, what is it? He doesn’t actually have wings does he?”

“See for yourself.” Sam replied.

I tried to look up, only to realise my head was fixed in place too.

“Dude I can’t, they’ve chained me down completely. Even my head!”

“Fine. I’ll tell you about Ed. Two bloody great feathery wings burst out of his back when he tried to run at the door to his cell. Too bad his left leg is chained to the wall.”

“If you think that’s weird, Sam’s turned into an actual Earth Pony.” said Ed, idly, as he stroked his own wings.

“I have not... HOLY TROMBONE ON A POGO STICK! GET ME BACK! GET ME BACK NOW!”

I could only listen as Sam freaked out; rattling the chains that I could only assume kept him from reaching the door of his cell. The noise died down.

“Hands... My beautiful hands! Let me hold you...”

“Ed, is he back?”

“Yep.”

After listening to Sam marvelling at his human form returned, I spoke up.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you change form?”

“...I just wanted and tried to be human again?”

“Really? That cheesy?”

“I know it sounds cheesy, but that’s it.”

I was about to try and turn myself into a pony, but first, another interruption:

“Hello there, ex-humans! Good to see you’re finally all awake.”

“E-e-ex humans?!” I spluttered.

“Yep. Different universe, different rules. Now you’re a completely new creature! One that no-one has ever seen the likes of before! Isn’t that great?”

“Who are you?!” demanded Ed and Sam simultaneously.

“Your friend here knew me well enough, I am Doctor Whooves.”

I sighed with relief. “Oh thank Luna; can you get us out of here?”

“Get you out?” I put you in!”

“Not cool.” said Sam. “We’re not criminals, why’d you put us in prison?”

Our captor laughed before saying: “You’re not in the dungeons, you’re in the TARDIS. I just had to get a look at you before introducing you to the authorities.”

“So... What are we now?” I asked, tentatively. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know.

“You are a sort of... combination... between a human and an Equestrian. My best guess is that your version of reality doesn’t have as much magic as ours, to the ambient magic in our universe gave you some. Mr. Wings here...”

“My name is Ed.”

“...Mr. Ed here is now a half-Pegasus!”

“...This. Is. AWESOME!”

“You there on the floor...

“Sam”

“Sam, is now an... Earth Human... I suppose...”

“So what does that mean?”

“It means, my dear Sam, that when you want to be, you can be three times your usual strength.”

“HA! Those bitches from Llandaff Rugby Club won’t know what hit ‘em!”

“...and finally you.”

“What? Am I now a Unicorn-Man or something?” I said, in a sarcastic tone, still believing they were having me on.

“...Yes.”

I struggled to comprehend. I could use magic?! I’d dreamed of coming to Equestria, but this was something else. Something far beyond my wildest dreams. Just think! The possibilities were endless! Back on Earth, this could revolutionise the study of science and the universe! But above all, I wanted to meet Twilight even more. Not only could I give her brain a workout with all the learning I’d done back on Earth, but in turn, I could learn magic from the best! I could... I could... I didn’t know. This hadn’t even crossed my mind before.

“Haha! From the look on your face, you can’t wait to get learning! I like that.” said an enthusiastic Doctor Whooves. “But just to be on the safe side, there’s an inhibitor ring on your horn for now. I’m sure you understand.”

I put myself in the Doctor’s hooves. Random alien with a horn appears into town, of course you’d put an inhibitor ring on it.

“I understand.”

“Good. Now, I did most of the tests whist you were all unconscious...”

“What?! What did you do?”

“Be calm! Be calm! Just full-body examinations, a blood and tissue sample, and some measurements are all...”

Sam and Ed began to rant something about dignity and privacy, I called the Doctor over.

“So... What happens now?”

“I bring you and your luggage to Day Court where we can meet Princess Celestia, who will choose what happens to you next. I’d suggest you all take a leaf out of your friend Sam’s book, and use your newfound abilities to become Equestrians. Just for this.”

I heard a noise upstairs, and a green light swelled and dimmed. Sam and Ed had already stopped yelling and were listening to the Doctor and I, Sam already back to his deep red Earth Pony form

“Hmm, I wasn’t expecting a letter. You all try and transform while I go read it... Well done Sam.”

Our host wandered off.

“...So you just... try and transform, is it?”

“Yep.”

“Here goes...” said Ed, his face screwed up in concentration. I wished the Doctor had removed the inhibitor ring so I could watch.

“Yes!” exclaimed Ed. “I’m sexy and I know it!”

“What does he look like, Sam?” I asked.”

“Scrawny yellow Pegasus.”

“Knew it.”

“...Damn! These chains changed with me!” reported Ed, sadly.

“Well, I’m more confident now. I was worried my chains would stretch me.” I said as I... well... tried to become a Unicorn. Several weird-feeling seconds later, I felt transformed. I tried wiggling my fingers. ‘What fingers?’ my body replied. Good. It worked.

“How do I look?”

“Well you’re blue.” answered Ed.

“Am I still ginger?”

“Head and tail.”

“Good. Cutie mark?”

“None.”

“Aw crap.”

“...I don’t have one either!” shouted Sam in disbelief.

“Haha! You all suck! I got a... shit I don’t have one either!” bellowed Ed in embarrassment.

“Hey guys!” I said. “Let’s join the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

We all had a good laugh joking about what each other’s cutie marks could be, when the stallion with the hourglass cutie mark walked back in, and sighed.

“Nopony’s cutie mark is going to be a penis.” He informed us, sarcastically.

“But what if it’s my... special talent?” asked Ed, in a seductive voice.

“Don’t worry. I understand that there’s ancient magicks in place that prevent a pony’s cutie mark from being inappropriate.”

“But I’m not a pony.”

“I still don’t think it’ll be... that.”

“ANYWAY...” I interrupted. “When are we seeing Her Holy Majesterious Princess Celestia?”

“There’s been a slight change of plan.” replied the Doctor. “We’re arriving after Day Court.” He explained as he unchained Ed and Sam. “Because the Princess says she wants to have rather a long discussion with us.” He arrived at me and said: “It’s just a formality, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to leave the inhibitor ring on you. It’ll attach under your chin, totally painless.”

“Go ahead.” I sighed. It wasn’t as if I had a choice.

After standing up, I was able to take in the appearance of my ponified friends. Ed was indeed a scrawny yellow Pegasus, but still slightly taller than me. He’d kept his straight blonde hair, and it mirrored in his tail, which was straight and down to his knees. There was also a lighter stripe running through it, and his mane stood outwards instead of falling down. His light blue eyes stood out like aquamarines. Sam on the other hand, was still hugely muscular and tall. He may have been able to give Big Macintosh a run for his money, although Sam was a much darker shade of red than the apple farmer. His deep brown hair and eyes had been retained, and his preferred short hairstyle also showed in his tail, which only just covered the top of his legs. I looked back over my body. I was indeed blue, but a deep blue. Kind of like looking at a deep, calm ocean in the tropics back home. I didn’t need to ask about my hair, it was still long enough for me to see its flowing dark ginger curls bouncing around my shoulders. My tail was also the same shade, and took on the chaotic curliness of my... mane; I guess I should call it now. And, as promised, all three of us were blank-flanks. Not suspicious at all for stallions in their late teens...

We gaped in awe of the interior of the PonyTARDIS (as we had so lovingly dubbed it) and how it was so similar to the TARDIS we knew and loved from the TV series back home. The only difference I could spot was that the controls, railings and chairs were slightly lower down. Doctor Whooves punched some buttons, pulled down a leaver like a tractors handbrake, and the great machine screeched to a halt. I had to calm myself. We’d just done a trip in the ACTUAL TARDIS! The Whovians back home would kill for this kind of opportunity, and here I was, just experiencing it by sheer luck!

I removed myself from the fangasm, and followed the other three ponies to the door.

With a familiar creak, the blue doors swung open to reveal a room full of Royal Guards, along with both Princesses, in all their stunning glory.

“Doctor Whooves! It’s been a while.” Started Princess Celestia.

“Maybe For you, my dear, but I saw you not six hours ago, and fourteen years into the future!”

“Is the future bright in fourteen years?”

“Not really, we met at night-time.”

Celestia knew that the Doctor couldn’t tell her anything about the future, so the Princesses and the Earth Pony Time Lord shared a friendly laugh. I guessed they knew each other better than the show let on, which makes sense seeing as all three are pretty much immortal.

“So these are the three stallions we’ve heard so much about?” asked Luna, eyeing us suspiciously. “They do not seem to have gained a cutie mark, which should have happened for them over seven years ago.”

“Let us not be so quick to judge, sister. I would hear their part of the story.” Celestia looked at me directly. “Why is it that you three came to our fair land?”

I eyed the guards, wondering if they’d tell anypony about us...

“Don’t be afraid, our noble guardsponies are sworn to secrecy concerning the goings-on in the palace.”

I perked up, feeling strangely relaxed in the company of Royalty.

“Who wouldn’t want to come to Equestria?! It’s so much more friendly and interesting that our home ever was.”

“And where, may I ask, is your home?”

“We come from a planet called Earth in the Orion Arm of the Milky Way galaxy. Have you heard of it?”

Luna took over from her sister.

“The galaxy you speak of is not in the night sky. Perhaps you could point it out to us?”

Doctor Whooves, in turn, took over from me.

“I’m afraid, Princess Luna, that that is quite impossible. These three have arrived from a different universe altogether. A different dimension! Even my TARDIS can only just manage that if I quintuple her power!” He said, with an excited grin wrapped around his light brown face. Celestia and Luna were less enthusiastic.

“Then how, pray tell, did they manage it?” asked Luna, pointing her hoof at us.

Doctor Whooves was stumped. He turned to look at us with a mixture of confusion and admiration. He’d been so preoccupied with the arrival of a new alien species that even his TARDIS computer didn’t recognise, that he’d forgotten to find out how they’d even arrived.

“I second that question.” He stated, gazing expectantly at me.

“Do you want the long version or the short version?” I asked, knowing the answer.

“The long version please.” said Celestia, her eyes as curious as the Doctor’s. Yes! I would be able to make yet another corny, yet funny reference! I cleared my throat.

“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...” I began, in my serious storytelling voice.

I turned, grinning, at Ed and Sam. They were already in helpless peals of laughter on the floor. Sam was rolling around whilst Ed lay upside down, flapping his wings. They almost cried.

“Only you, Jack. Only you.” wept Sam, as he rose to his hooves.

Celestia, Luna and the Doctor just wore confused looks, and glanced at each other.

“I’m guessing that is some sort of ‘inside joke’ to you ponies. Now please continue with the tale.” demanded Luna, with such a serious face that we were silenced, and I sheepishly continued.

“Back on my home planet of Earth, a machine was invented that could accelerate molecules to nearly the speed of light...”

“Light has a speed?!” Celestia asked, showing extreme surprise. I paused, wondering why this wasn’t known to a Goddess of the friggin’ sun. You know, the entire object behind the discovery of the speed of light.

“I obtained this knowledge whilst playing guest to my sister on the moon.” said Luna. She turned to the white monarch. “Celestia, I would speak to you further after we finish here.”

“Very well, Luna, It seems you still owe me a lot of catching up time. Carry on, young Unicorn.”

“Ahem, about that... You see... We’re not actually ponies. Would you like us to change back to our original forms? Also, before you ask, we aren’t Changelings either.”

“Oh yes please!” replied the Doctor and Luna.

“...Very well.” said Celestia. She showed a bit more restraint than the other two quizmasters. I should ask her about that some other time... I turned back to face my friends.

“Right then lads, bring out the goods. And eyes off my package!”

The princesses both facehoofed as the Doctor let out a small giggle. We concentrated on our previous forms and, with eyes tight shut, morphed back into humans and stood up.

“Oh my goodness!” exclaimed Luna.

“That’s... interesting.” responded Celestia.

I opened my eyes to see Celestia with narrowed eyes and a hoof at her chin, whilst Luna stared openly, her mouth agape. Doctor Whooves trotted over to Celestia and began a conversation:

“I’d compare them to diamond dogs, or maybe bears.”

“Hmm... I’d say they’re more like minotaurs. They don’t have fur.”

“I see what you mean, yet there are no horns.”

Ed chose this as the perfect time for some input:

“I’ve got a horn right here for either of ya...”

“SHUT UP ED!” I yelled, whilst Sam gave in to roaring laughter. “Your brain is up HERE...” I rapped his head with my knuckles. “NOT down HERE!” I bellowed, delivering an earth-shattering punch to his Prized Possessions. He let out a faint squeak and dropped to the floor, writhing in pain, and clutching his Family Jewels.

“Oh Sweet Mother of All Things Gracious! I think you’ve popped one!” Ed said, in a temporary ‘I’ve Been Slammed in the Phutooeys’ slightly higher pitched voice, as tears leaked from his eyes. Sam, meanwhile, was crying for a totally different reason. He punched the tiled floor repeatedly muttering:

“No... no more! I just can’t!” through his laughter. Celestia and the Doctor were doing well concealing their amusement; being aware of the ‘righteousness’ of my justice. Luna looked horrified.

“Wait... Ed? Where are your wings?” I asked.

“What...? Aw crap!” He stood up, scratching his back hurriedly. “No... no... come back! Wings I need you!”

“Calm down, you haven’t even flown yet.”

*POOF*

With a feathery whooshing sound, his wings once again burst forth. My brain clicked, and I felt my forehead. My smooth, hornless forehead. Damn. I focused on my horn, willing it to re-appear. (ALL of the cheesiness!) But I wasn’t expecting the feeling of it happening. As my horn slid out of my head, it was like having a hole drilled through my skull. Only painless. Still felt weird though. I crossed my eyes for a second, as a reflex, while my head underwent this drastic change. I felt the bony new addition to my anatomy with my hands. Its twenty centimetre length protruded from my hairline, and I could fit my thumb and forefinger roughly two thirds around the base. It spiralled in a clockwise direction and was tipped with a slightly blunted spike. I looked in a mirror on the wall, and was a bit unnerved when I noticed that my horn was the eerie white colour of bone. This thing was actually part of my skull! Hang on... The inhibitor ring had fallen off when I’d had no horn! There it was, the ring and its straps lay in a tangled heap at my feet. I stepped toward the Princesses and the Doctor, hiding it behind my feet. You never know when an inhibitor ring might come in handy... (Insert evil laugh here!)

“Um... excuse me, would it be possible to at least get some shorts or something to wear?” I asked meekly.

“Yes!” replied the Time Lord. “I’ll get your clothes now, back in a tick.” He trotted back to the TARDIS where I guessed our clothes were. Luna began to talk.

“I... umm... what?... I don’t even...” She spluttered. “You have some explaining to do, aliens!” She pointed at us with her hoof. “What are you?!”

“We are known as ‘humans’ Your Highness.” I replied, in the most graciously sarcastic tone I could, with a bow.

“Where are you from?!”

“A planet called Earth in a different universe, Your Highness.” Same tone. Celestia was giggling nervously at her sister behind her back. Luna probably hadn’t gotten used to the whole ‘tone of voice’ part of conversation yet. I glanced around at the guards. None of them had moved a muscle since we’d walked in! They seemed to be very well trained.

“In order to believe that, I am going to have to scan your memories.” Luna demanded.

“Yes Your Highne... What? No! These are my memories!” I dropped the tone. The very thought of what could happen if anypony knew about Earth was terrifying. How would they react if they found out that their universe occurred in our televisions? They might think it to be a declaration of war! And the fanfics... Oh shit, the fanfics I’ve read would send her over the edge... Not to mention the ‘activities’ I’d got up to with my ex girlfriend in the past. No. There was no way that she was EVER getting into my head.

“Here’s your gear! I brought out your luggage too, just in case...” The Doctor was cut short when Princess Luna levitated the trolley he was pushing, and grinned at me, knowing she’d won.

“That’s a very nice collection of luggage you have there. It would be a shame if something were to... happen to it.” and as she said ‘happen to it’, she slowly moved the trolley over to a fire that magically burst into life in front of her. I had to admit it. She’d won this time.

“Okay, I submit. But only because I brought my most valuable possession with me, and it’s in that trolley. However, I will not be held responsible for your sanity.”

Luna set the gear down behind her.

“In what way could my sanity be damaged by your mind, young human?” she asked, now very suspicious.

“I don’t know how different our worlds are. I’m worried that the circumstances of my discovery of this universe may be somewhat unorthodox and demeaning. Also, there are many concepts in my world that I have found no evidence of here...”

“I am sorry to interrupt, but there will be no getting out of this if you wish to leave the castle again. Now hold still...”

She levitated me. I felt weightless in the air as the dark Alicorn floated me towards her horn. I couldn’t let her in! I struggled against it, trying in vain to swim through the air, use my own magic, nothing worked. I looked back at Sam and Ed. They too were encompassed in a light blue aura from Luna’s horn. Probably to keep them from helping me. The Princess of the Night lowered her horn at my forehead as I squeezed my eyes shut for the inevitable banishment to Tartarus...

“Sister, wait.”

Oh thank all things great and glorious!

“Allow me; I have a greater experience of the social aspects of the modern world. I believe I will be able to handle this better.”

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I began to float toward Celestia’s horn, this time gripped in a bright yellow glow. My completely frozen form glided over to her curious face. I hoped she wasn’t too curious. Her horn touched my forehead in a flash of bright white light.

I stood next to Princess Celestia inside the confines of my own mind.

‘Where am I?’ I asked her, wearily.

‘You are inside your memories. From this part of your brain, we can access everything your brain has stored. Sights, sounds, feelings, it’s all here.’ She explained. For some reason, I had to instantly believe her. It sounded like she was talking, yet her mouth didn’t even move! She noticed my puzzlement and rectified it for me.

‘We are inside your mind, so we speak with our thoughts. What would you like me to see first?’

‘What about how your universe is known in mine? I’ll just tell it to you straight: it’s a television show for children.’

‘I do not know this “television” of which you speak, but as you wish, we will view this memory first.’

The memory began. I sat down with my cousins to keep them from under my Auntie’s feet. They were great girls, all three. The oldest was seven and there was a two year gap between them. Maria, the five-year-old, chose the video that we’d be watching for the next two hours. She pulled out a large plastic VCR case from the shelf, opened it, and slid the first tape into the TV.

~My Little Pony~

~My Little Pony~

~Naa Naa Naa Naa Naaaaaa...~

Really?! I’d hoped they’d pick something at least half-decent for a kid; like Toy Story or something, but this? It didn’t even try to pretend to be mature in any way! Seriously, who’d want to watch a show about magical multi-coloured ponies? Meh, may as well try and enjoy myself...

‘But... but that’s our world! In that small box! There’s Twilight! ...Is that really what I look like from the side?’

‘Princess?! This really isn’t the time to be thinking about... stop laughing at me!’

‘Be calm, I was just having a little joke. I accept the circumstances of your discovery of our world, and I am grateful of them. I can now be certain that you offer us no malicious intent.’

‘You’ve got a good head on your shoulders; I was worried about what you’d think.’

‘When you’ve had thousands of years to mature, you think about as many sides of an argument as you can. This is why I took over from my sister; she tends to jump to conclusions more readily than I do.’

‘Thousands of years eh? So how old are you?’ Celestia looked taken aback.

‘A stallion never asks a mare her age! You should know that, it’s basic courtesy!’

I had to pull a save out of the bag. I decided on a basic LADs phrase:

‘Well, I’d never of thought you were that old with a complexion as beautiful as yours.’

Celestia giggled.

‘I thank you kindly, but I knew you didn’t mean to ask my age in that way.’

‘Shall we carry on, before I say something else stupid?’

‘That wasn’t stupid; many of my little ponies are genuinely curious about my age. But I think you’re done here now, I’ve stored your memories in a gem so I can view them later. I assure you, I will keep them safe.’

We exited my head and returned to reality. As for my memories, I guessed that there wasn’t much better protection than that of a Sun Goddess. I flicked through them. All were present and correct, she must have copied them.

I was lowered to the ground and clothed in what I arrived in by Celestia’s magic. I noticed Sam and Ed undergoing the same fate. Lastly, they would inspect our bags and after that we’d hopefully be on the next train to Ponyville for the biggest damn party Pinkie could throw! And I could get to quizzing Twilight about how this world worked, as she would probably do the same to me when I told her my origins and made her Pinkie Promise not to mention it to anyone or anything. Also, memories stored in a gem? I’d have to research how that worked...

Ed’s bag was opened first, and all its contents arranged itself on full display, thanks to Celestia’s telekinesis spell. Most of it was pretty standard camping equipment; pots, pans, half a tent etc. He did have to explain a rather extensive collection of knives and he did have all of our arrows stashed away, so we bailed him out and said that ‘they were for construction and recreational purposes’ which earned a giggle from Celestia and a suspicious glare from Luna. He’d also packed most of his wardrobe; obviously not remembering that a certain mare named ‘Rarity’ lived in Ponyville and made clothes. After looking few a couple of bags of leftover food and basic survival gear, the Princesses approved his baggage and packed it all up again. Sam’s bag was also approved; only containing survival gear, his hatchet, a couple of changes of clothes, the rest of the tent, and some personal items. They were fascinated by the phone and iPod. Sam allowed them to borrow the iPod for examination so long as he got it back soon-ish. His bag also contained the remainder of the alcohol, but the Princesses just assumed it was a normal drink and passed over it without comment. Lastly, the royal duo rounded on my luggage.

“So tell me, what is this ‘most valuable possession’ you spoke of?” asked Luna. “Is it a family heirloom? An enchanted piece of jewellery? Maybe a weapon?”

“It’s a work in progress. I’m making a musical instrument, actually, so drop the suspicious act please, it’s getting annoying.”

RCV ACTIVATE

“THAT IS NO WAY TO ADDRESS ROYALTY! WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE SUSPICIOUS OF STRANCE NEWCOMERS TO OUR KINGDOM!”

“Sister...”

“WE DO NOT WANT TO RISK THE SAFETY OF THE PONIES WHO TRUST US TO PROTECT THEM...”

“Sister please!”

RCV DEACTIVATE

“...We apologise, Celestia, but we did think him rude, arrogant, and un-empathetic towards our duties towards our subjects.”

“I can only agree. But do you think it would be more appropriate just to tell him that than shout at him?”

“Ah yes, I remember now, you said that the Royal Canterlot Voice causes ponies to become too scared to remember what they heard.”

“Yes, sister. But that doesn’t happen all the time, just most of the time.” She turned to face me and took a breath to attempt to tell me off, but I cut in, in my ‘mature adult’ mode after I’d recovered from the RCV to the face.

“I realise that what I said was inappropriate and I shall do my best to avoid it in future.”

“Thank you, young one.” said Luna to me, staying calm and trying to be more like her sister. “Please ensure that you do. Now, let us review the otherworldly contents of your belongings.”

The possessions I’d decided to bring were spread out on the floor. I immediately noticed three problems:

One – My unfinished instrument would take a while to explain.

Two – I probably wouldn’t be able to wear my belt in Equestria.

Three – There were still some fox organs in my bag that I’d forgotten about.

Sam and Ed noticed point three, and facepalmed while I looked nervously at the offending items.

“What on Terra is this?!” asked Celestia, levitating the tangled wires and bits of guitar and keyboard.

“That is my unfinished instrument. I started making it back on Earth and brought it along so I could complete it.”

“Very well... Is this some sort of belt?”

“Yes, it has a lot of useful items on it. Some are dangerous but all have helped me to survive in the past.” It was a slight exaggeration, but it worked. They’d approved my belt after I’d promised on pain of a Moon Banishment that if I used any part of it to harm anypony unless in a self-preservation act.

“And these had better not be what I think they are.” said Luna, levitating the fox’s lungs, intestines and stomach to her eye level. “Are these internal organs?”

“No! No, of course not! ...Yes. Yes they are.”

“Why do you have the stomach, lungs, and intestines of what appears to be a small mammal?” asked Celestia, looking slightly disgusted.

“Umm...” I started, nervously. “What if I told you that we’re omnivores?”

“Then I would accept your species having a different diet to ours, and remind you that the consumption of meat in Equestria is banned for ponies. I would heavily advise against it whilst you live here.” she said, incinerating the goods. They’d managed to either miss the tablet computer and 3DS, along with other technological marvels among the stack of books I’d also brought, or they deemed them too unimportant to quiz me about.

“I understand, Princess. It is possible for us to not eat meat... wait... Did you say live here?”

“Indeed I did, my little humans. I shall send a letter to Twilight this evening to let her know that a Pegasus, an Earth Pony, and a Unicorn are coming to live in Ponyville and require temporary accommodation until their new homes are built.”

“I... you’re giving us houses too?! I don’t know what to say...”

Sam stepped forward.

“Start with ‘thanks’, you ungrateful git.” he said, jokingly, and elbowed my arm. He then addressed the royal pair in front of him. “On behalf of my dumbstruck friend and Mr. Vacant over there, I would like to thank both of you. So I will: Thank you both.” He gave a bow and stepped back.

“Why would you do this for three strangers you don’t even know?” I asked.

“I saw and felt more of you than you know when I entered your mind.” began Celestia, “Had you been dangerous, we would have sent you back to your own dimension with the help of Doctor Whooves here. Besides, having you here will greatly increase the learning of both us and my student, along with her friends.”

“We return your thanks, young human, and hope that we do not regret allowing you hospitality in our fair country.” said Luna, and gestured to the TARDIS. “Go now, and arrive in Ponyville tomorrow afternoon. Please make sure you are in your equine forms and do not change.”

“Very well, Luna. And thanks! I’ll keep an eye on them. Or two if I can spare them.” said Doctor Whooves, cheerily, and lead the two of us back into the TARDIS. I punched Ed on the shoulder to wake him from his daydream, or stupor, and he followed.

“Whassappenin’?!” he exclaimed, surprised.

“We’re moving to Ponyville.” I deadpanned.

“Sweet.” he commented, as he shut the TARDIS door behind him.

Why did I feel that the princesses were eventually going to ask us for something in the future, and use their generosity now as leverage?

“Well isn’t this exciting!” grinned the Doctor, rubbing his forehooves together before doing some TARDIS-y stuff with the controls. “You get to live your dream, and I get to be friends with three extra-dimensional beings who have adapted to our universe! It’ll be great watching you all learn how to use your newfound talents; I wonder what your cutie marks will be... Speaking of which, you’ll all need to transform into ponies. Come on now, get out of those clothes. We’ll be at tomorrow afternoon in about two minutes!”

“This is confusing...”

“Ed, just shut up and strip.”

“Fine.”

All successfully ponified, we departed the TARDIS into the outskirts of Ponyville. We’d adjusted our bags to fit our new forms, and tied the hold-alls to the sides, so we were all good to go. When the blue doors closed behind us, The Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver, and the TARDIS became invisible.

“Handy little trick, that.” commented our guide, as he pocketed his device in his jacket. “Stops just any random pony blundering into it.”

About two minutes after our arrival, we spotted the picturesque houses and trees of Ponyville. When the roads came into view, and bright splodges of colour were walking or trotting around, we noticed a familiar pink colour stop, then canter towards us as fast as it could.

“Brace yourselves, lads.” I whispered.

“No need to warn us, we’ve all seen this before.”

“HelloImPinkiePieandIhaventseenanyofyoubeforeareyounewhereareyoumovinginbecausethatwouldbesuperspecialawesomeandevenifyourenotwecanstillhaveapartytowelcomeyoutoPonyville!”

“Excuse me what?” asked Ed, dumbstruck, with his mouth wide open.

“I know how you feel.” I said to him. Sam, however, did something that none of us expected. He understood Pinkie Pie.

“No I don’t suppose you have... and yes, we are moving in and a party would be the best thing ever.”

Pinkie’s smile shot out so far around her face, we thought it would fall off.

“OHMYGOSHyourethefirstponyEVERtogetwhatImsayingyaknowwhatImsaying?”

“Actually yes I do. Could you please show us around Ponyville? We’ve never been before.”

“Okie dokie lokie!”

“Maybe slow down a bit for these guys though, yeah?”

“Okie dokie lokie!”

The overexcited pink Earth Pony started walking towards Ponyville with us, hoping and jumping in her enthusiasm.

“Come oooon! There’s so much I want to show you, this is gonna be GREAT!”

“Relax, Pinkie, we’ve got loads of time.” said Ed, not realising that this wouldn’t work on somepony as hyper as Miss Pie.

“But nopony can wait to meet you all! If anypony sees you, they’ll want to know more about you. I’m not just showing you places, silly, I’m introducing you to everypony!”

Man, it was going to be a long time before I got to sleep. And the explanations would be killer! How many ponies in their late teens don’t have cutie marks?