The John Oates Saga

Chapter Two: Ponyville

John Oates awoke in a hospital bed after feeling the sun on his face. How long had he been asleep? He was hooked up to countless machines and IV's. He tried to speak but only a croak came out. His vision returned and found that he was in a small room with a window. He felt surprisingly good, though it could be the drugs that he was no doubt saturated with. A nurse trotted past his room and noticed his movement.

"Doctor, Doctor, he's awake!" She shouted. He heard galloping, and the Doctor burst through the door. He was a short colt with a curled mane, on his flank was a six pointed star.

"Success!" Cried the doctor. "Send for the Zebra, oy vey, I owe her some money now! You there boy," he pointed at John Oates, "have you still got all your marbles? Or was your brain turned to schmutz?"

"Get me a fucking martini and put some fucking Beefeaters in my fucking IV bag." The doctor laughed.

"I'm ruined!" He handed some gold from his lab coat to the nurse. "My boy, you're as well and sane as any man in your predicament could be!" He reached into his lab coat and produced a small flask. "I hope you like Apple Brandy." He poured some into John Oates's mouth. "Now nurse! Send for the Zebra and that colorful maned Schicza!"

"Were you betting that I wouldn't make it?" John Oates asked. The doctor laughed his hardy laugh.

"You've gotta understand my boy, you're now more or less a collage of other people's organs. Both lungs, punctured; left kidney, well lets just say thank Celestia for carriage accidents; heart, recent suicide, well and as for bone marrow, used mostly pig. Oh and we had to shave you down, we couldn't get the conductor's brain matter out of your mane, and that box of yours fused to you when the that blue girl brought you here. Point of it all is if that Zebra hadn't used voodoo on you, you'd be a goner." John Oates was outraged and disgusted at the doctor's lack of grace. He soon realized that he must deal with death and sickness at all times, he had to be callous, after all so did John Oates.

"Zecora has arrived sir, but we're having trouble finding the other contact." came a voice over the intercom.

"Well, send her in." said the doctor.

In walked a ravishing zebra unlike any he had ever seen. She was taller than he, after all she was a different specie. Her mane was styled in a mohawk, one clearly of tradition rather than rebellion. She wore more jewelry than any of the hospital workers, including many golden rings around her neck.

"I see our friend is doing well, and you doubted my herbal spell." She rhymed. The doctor produced another piece of gold and handed it to the zebra. She walked over to John Oates and smiled above him. "Its good to see you awake, and that your life-force did not break. I can heal you, good as new, but there's one last thing you must do." She held a small wooden bottle up to his lips. "It tastes foul and it will burn, but after you finish your health will return." John Oates nodded, and she began to pour. Her rhyme was no lie, the potion felt as though it were hot flames with a grotesque flavor, and then his body reacted. He felt like he was being inflated, his bones became one again. His muscles began to bulge to their pre-atrophe state. Of course, this rapid healing was horrifically painful, but over in less than a minute. His hair grew back, and his mane was full and blonde and beautiful.

He leaped out of the bed and convulsed on the ground, the IV's tearing from him though the wounds healed almost immediately, and he truly found his voice and cried out until at last it was over. The pain was quickly replaced with comfort and he felt as though he could properly stand. His head cleared and his senses were as acute as ever, maybe more so. John Oates never dealt much in magic, ancient weapons and hokey religions never served him as well as a loaded pistol by his side, but this Zecora had some real talent.

"Thank you madam." He said bowing and kissing the zebra's hoof. She smiled.

"Sure now he's mister dapper, with the nice lady." Said the doctor.

"And thank you doctor-" he paused.

"Hoofman, Herschel Hoofman."

"Figures." Said John Oates smiling. The doctor made a dismissive hoof gesture toward him and chuckled a little. Zecora made for the door.

"Ah my friends I cannot stay, I fear I must be on my way." John Oates thanked her one last time, she and Dr. Hoofman exchanged smiles and she was gone.

"What a fine lady." said Hoofman a little too quietly. "Ah well, I suppose you have a clean bill of health- Oh, that's right we never got your name."

"The name's Oates, John Oates." He said, with a practiced familiarity.

"Well Oates, you're free to do whatever it is you want, as long as you leave. Your box is being held at the front desk, I have many more patients to bet on, you see." The doctor laughed and left the room.

"Wait!" said John Oates.

"Yes?" Hoofman replied.

"Who saved me, I am truly thankful for your and Zecora's help, but I'd be a maggot breakfast if not for the pegasus who saved me."

"Oh, yes." The doctor thought on it for a moment, "I don't remember really, Rainbow something. Or Whirlwind something, something unnecessarily flashy. Real spitfire that one, all about go, go, go. She made me nervous so I told her to leave until you were better.  Good day, John Oates. " The doctor left before John Oates could ask any more questions.

He gathered his mysterious box from the front desk. He was glad to see that it had been cleaned. He asked the clerk the name of the pegasus who saved him.

"Oh, you mean Rainbow Dash? Yes, she was quite insistent that everyone knew SHE was the one to save you, believe me I'll never forget it." She seemed slightly disgusted at the memory.  He thanked the clerk, strapped the Box to his back, and left the hospital.

      He left the premises and found the sun to be shining beautifully. It was temperate and the streets were bustling. Before he was out of of eyeshot of the hospital he heard a whoosh overhead. Surely that was the pegasus who saved his life.

"Wait, Rainbow D-" he needed to thank her, she may even have some important information.  He thought he missed her but then saw the pegasus about face and land in front of him.

She was a specimen. She had a sky blue coat with a wild mane like every color of the rainbow. Her body was slim, but firm like that of any olympian and her violet eyes burned. On her flank was a cloud expelling a rainbow lightning bolt.

"Whatcha want?" She threw her head up, "No doubt to see the heroine herself. Please, don't hesitate to take pictures, autographs are free." John Oates narrowed his eyes.

"You're Rainbow Dash?" he asked.

"The one and only!" she said arrogantly shining her hoof on her breast.

"You're the one who saved me, you're my angel?" The comment took her off guard.

"Wait a minute, you're Handsome? The guy from the train wreck?"

"The one and only." he responded with a slightly mocking tone.

"Heh, Heh. When I found you, your left eye was swollen shut, your mane was tangled with Celestia knows what and you were covered in burns. I never thought you'd actually be handsome." She gave the compliment as if it were a mere fact. "I was actually on my way to see how you were, I can see Dr. Hoofman and Zecora figured it all out. Wait, angel?" John Oates chuckled.

"When you picked me up I thought you were the angel of death." Rainbow Dash snickered.

"Angel of Death, huh? That is pretty cool I guess. What's your name handsome?"

"The name's Oates, John Oates." He recited.

"Well John Oates, why don't you let me show you around a bit, you should consider yourself lucky, lots of ponies want to hang with me."  He rolled his eyes, and followed the pegasus.

"So tell me about yourself John Oates." said Rainbow Dash fluttering slightly ahead. John Oates hesitated.

"What's to say really, had a crap job with the government. Quit, skipped town in the hopes of finding a new beginning. I hopped that fertilizer train hoping for some  peace and quiet, heh, wrong train."

"Crazy train more like." Rainbow Dash laughed

"Sure as hell went off the rails." responded John Oates and they laughed together.

"Hey you should meet my friends, we should also find an inn for you to stay at, at least until you can get some work and a more permanent residence." She paused. "So what's in the box?" She stopped flying and trotted up next to him.

"Only one way to find out." He said. He opened it and looked inside. Rainbow Dash's line of sight was blocked by the top of the box.

Inside was a golden equilateral triangle 5 inches on each side and about one inch thick. It's surface shone and flowed like some metallic ocean. He became enthralled by the thing and could not take his eyes from it. In its reflection he saw himself but he had another body, his soul was encased in some suit of armor, he was now fully bipedal and he saw a great white castle and a land rife with beauty and order only his will dominated the earth and sea and sky. His trance was broken when he heard, "No fair, I wanna look!"

"No!" he spat and closed the box. "I mean," he calmed his tone, "no." He went on to tell Rainbow Dash about his experience and how it began to affect him.

"Well what is it then?" said Rainbow Dash still not satisfied.

"Fuck if I know." huffed John Oates. "Are there any scholars in this town? I saw a school, but nothing really in the way of a university."

"No universities, but my friend twilight's always reading books about magic and artifacts, you know shit like that. If she doesn't know, she'll find out." she motioned with her foreleg for him to follow her.

They walked along at a pace still uncomfortable for John Oates, true his wounds were healed, but he still wasn't quite his old self.  As they walked a herd of three goats passed them, they were dressed casually, but were still very clearly wealthy individuals. As they passed they were discussing something frantically in their atonal nasal language. John Oates knew very little Goat-Speak but he very clearly heard that they were upset about missing something. Rainbow Dash snorted.

"I haven's seen them before." She noted, goats being somewhat of a rarity in Ponyville. John Oates felt that they would be worth keeping an eye on.

The arrived at an enormous tree full of windows and beautiful craftsmanship. It was easily three stories high; John Oates marveled at the intricacy of the design and he wondered how anyone could create such a blend of nature and design. Rainbow Dash knocked on the door impatiently, John Oates didn't care for her swagger much, but he could tell that this filly was a girl of action and that should he ever need aid, this would be the girl to call upon.

"Oh hello Rainbow!" said a small voice, John Oates was taken aback as he gazed upon an infant dragon. It was no taller than his knee and it was purple and green in color. John Oates hated and distrusted dragons, for he was well versed in what they were capable of, but even the hardened man of mystery had to admit that the little guy was, well, cute. "Hi I'm Spike, mister!" The dragon extended his claw. John Oates hesitated then shook his claw.

"This is John Oates." Rainbow Dash said, "He goes by Johnny Cakes though." She laughed.

"Oh, well then, Hi Johnny Cakes!" said the dragon innocently.

"John is fine." Said John Oates with a final slightly painful squeeze on the dragon's paw. Spike understood.

Spike saw the two in and had them sit in the foyer. John Oates was impressed at the sheer volume of books that lined the walls, surely whomever dwelled here was an aged old professor.

Down the stairs came a plain young filly, violet in color sporting dark purple mane with a pink streak near her bangs, he assumed the streak came from stress. Though she wasn't the sexy athlete Rainbow Dash was, she still had this allure that only one of great knowledge can radiate.

"Hi, Rainbow! I was just studying up on a new spell to turn water into 15 Year Old Beefeaters Gin, what did you need help with?" After she completed her statement John Oates felt that he may wed this filly before the night was out. The pony turned to John Oates. "Hi, I'm Twilight Sparkle, and you are?" Rainbow Dash interrupted again.

"This is John Oates, but you can call him J-Money." He gave the wise-ass a sharp bump with his hind-quarters.

"John is fine. Did you say Gin?" he hadn't had anything to drink in several hours and this day was wearing on him.

"Yeah, I haven't quite perfected it, but if you'd like to try some..." She levitated a martini glass to each person in the room, pouring each pony some gin and some apple juice for Spike.

"What? Come on!" protested the dragon.

"How old are you son?" asked John Oates.

"Four." responded Spike.

"Well, that's about when I started I suppose. What do you think miss?" He lobbied for the dragon.

"Spike prefers apple juice." Said Twilight Sparkle authoritatively. Spike simply sipped the apple juice muttering to himself.  "Rainbow Dash would you help me in the kitchen." John Oates smiled at the dragon and winked quickly switching the two glasses. Spike smiled and quickly drank the forbidden beverage. He belched a flare of green fire and sat down on the floor, smiling lazily at John Oates whom chuckled at the young dragon's mirth.

John Oates could overhear the unicorn frantically talking to his guide, he couldn't quite make out everything that was being said but he did hear the terms "undesirable," "bad influence," and "alcoholic" through the walls. He pondered on whether he should just leave, or wait to be magicked out. They reemerged from the kitchen, still arguing.

"Listen ladies." Said John Oates loudly. "I really only want one thing, and then I'll leave you alone, miss Sparkle" He produced the box. "I found this among the wreckage where the train crashed. I don't know what these symbols mean, or what's inside, all I can tell is that it's a seriously powerful thing and spunky over here tells me you're the smartest in town. It might be important, or dangerous, and I just want to know so, I can settle down and live a quiet, peaceful life. So you can help me, or not." Twilight Sparkle was taken aback by his straightforwardness. "Thanks for the Gin anyhow, see you later kid." He started for the door.

"Wait, I can help." she said, "I'm sorry I didn't trust you, I didn't know you were in the train wreck. Maybe I misjudged you.  Tell me everything you know about this, and I'll dig up what I can."