The Bjorn Identity

If at first you don't succeed, then sleep on it.

Ditzy Doo

It was harder to sleep that night than I imagined, and rather than lay there disrupting Ditzy's sleep, I figured it would be best to head into the living room, and indulge the insomnia.

Three AM found me sitting on her couch, and worrying the picture ID from my wallet that was found on me in the water. After the weeks spent on getting my memory back, I realized two things. The first was that I was fluent in many languages. The second: I was positive that the letters in Russian on the ID tag spelling out the name Roger Gilmore was not my real name. No matter how much I wanted it to be. Call it intuition, or latent memory, I was sure that I was not this person.

Even with no firm solid basis of knowledge of who I truly was; the gun, the Identification, the boot scabbard, and the pieces of the radio headset, all were merely indicators that I was something else. Perhaps dangerous; and the thought of it scared me more than anything.

“Can't sleep?”

I looked up to catch sight of Ditzy standing in the doorway of the living room. She was wearing a white sleeping shirt which held her wings down close to her side, and she groggily rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hoof.

“Not really,” I told her, covering the name tag with my hands.

“Was I snoring again?” She took a few steps into the room, and looked around.

“No, you were fine.”

Walking over, she sat with me on the couch, and noticed the card in my hands. She eyed it for a moment, and then looked up at me. “We will get your memory back, you know.”

“Ditzy, what if when I do, I learn things about myself that I don't like?”

“Like what?” she said, resting against me, and putting her hoof across my chest.

“What if I find out that I'm a bad person, who did bad things, maybe even hurt others?” I set the ID card on her coffee table, and reach back up to stroke her arm.

“Do you want to hurt me?”

My heart broke for just a second or two. I could feel the lump welling in my throat. But before I could answer, she looked at me with a frown on her face. “I don’t think you do, and I don’t think you will.”

It had been a long night of thinking, and insomnia, and for some reason the thought of harming Ditzy broke the dam of emotions I was holding in. I threw myself around her and sobbed into her neck, emotions that I knew I had, and some I didn’t know where there, were suddenly at the surface.

She was a good sport about it, wearing a snotty and tear stained shirt back to bed, she pushed me ahead of her, and didn’t stop until I was face down on the mattress. Climbing in the bed after me, she pushed me over, and laid next to me patting me with her hoof.

“I’m probably a pretty sorry excuse for a human, huh?”

Smiling at me, Ditzy just shook her head. “I’m a pretty sorry excuse for a pegasus, so I have you beat.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her. “I don’t think you’re a sorry excuse for anything, you saved my life, I’ve done nothing.”

“And I don’t think you’re a sorry excuse. And you have done something: you make me happy.”

In the near two months that I had been staying with her, Ditzy and I had done nothing more than kiss occasionally, but for the first time, I felt a burning passion for her in that moment; the likes of which I can’t explain. I knew I needed to feel her against me, and her mouth on mine. I wanted to be as close to her as I possibly could, in both mind and body, and I gently scooted closer to her and wrapped her in an embrace.

What we did next, well... it was long overdue, and was the closest thing to pure magic as two lovers could make.

~   ~   ~

The next day came as a rush of frenetic excitement, and enthusiasm as I had been invited, finally, to have an audience with the ruler of Equestria, the much talked about, and rarely seen; Princess Celestia.

From what I was told, she was a benevolent ruler, and procrastinator, that often gifted her royal duties to her subjects; because she’d spent too much time doing who knew the hell what, when she should be handling mishaps in the kingdom.

Nevertheless, with a packed lunch from Ditzy, and an accompanying Twilight Sparkle—grinning like a buffoon from princess hero worship—I was placed on the express to Canterlot. Mostly out of curiosity about the human occupying a semi-permanent residence at Ponyville, but also, because I was wanting to finally get some part-time work, and as an alien resident, it could only be granted from the mayor, or the ruling monarchy.

Having her concerns about taking that responsibility upon herself, the mayor chose to defer to the Princess’s judgement on the matter, and a few days later I found myself sitting between an elderly pony, and Twilight Sparkle; grinning and rambling on and on about all the things that she and her friends had done on behalf of their slacker ruler.

Since my memory had returned a great deal, I had the strong knowing that I had been on a train before, but the reasons were still locked memories beyond my reach. The hows and the whys were unimportant in the broad scheme of things, but at the least, they were memories I knew I owned.

The train ride was mostly uneventful, unless one were to count the endless ramblings of Twilight about all the great things Princess Celestia is, and how great of a ruler she is, and all that she had done for Ponyville and Equestria. Though after twenty minutes of her going on, I drifted to sleep, and I can only assume she quieted down.

Waking up abruptly when the train pulled into Canterlot, I was awakened to the sight of Twilight reading a book, and look rather on edge. Though I had to assume it was about her meeting with the Princess, and how exactly my interaction was going to proceed.

There were a lot of strange looks, and I had no choice but to take them in stride. After all, this wasn’t Ponyville; it was Canterlot, and above all else, the entire city reeked of high class, high brow snootiness.

“Now, there’s nothing to be worried about,” Twilight told me as we made our way from the station. “Princess Celestia is a wonderful host, and wouldn’t harm a fly.”

I gave her a smile to show that I understood, but I wasn’t in this for the warm reception. I was doing this because I wanted something, and people that wanted something were either going to cower under the pressure, or rise to the challenge, and face the requirement head on. And there was always a requirement.

~   ~   ~

When we finally made it into the palace, or castle, or whatever the hell it was, there was a bustle of ponies, and guards, and surprisingly we were taken straight to the Princess.

She was seated at the end of a long and ornate room, sort of up on this podium area, but there was no throne, or chair, just the floor. I have to admit, she was not at all what I was expecting to see. Now exactly what I was expecting to see, was something like a holy light shining and radiating off her body, with maybe a crown, and some angels floating in the air beside her. But then that image may have been partly inspired by Twilight’s idea about what the Princess should be.

“I’m so glad you could make it Twilight Sparkle.” The Princess was smiling when she said this, so I had to guess that it meant she wasn’t pissed at the imposition of the meeting; which meant that I could probably live enough to have my request heard.

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight wasted no time rushing the Princess and giving her a generous bow, and then proceeded to plow into her with a million details about both the trip, the letters that she had sent, and oh yeah, somewhere in there was a mention of me.

After what seemed like an hour of Twilight talking on and on, the Princess finally turned her attention to me, and began to ask me some various questions. Of course one of them was not what I was expecting, in the least.

“Well, Bjorn; I understand that your accident has left you with a terrible loss of your memory.”

“Uh, yes ma’am... I mean, yes your Highness.” I wasn’t very well versed on how to deal with royalty, but I fIgured she wasn’t the sort to have me taken out behind the palace and shot for a few mistakes in proper etiquette.

“It’s alright,” she said. “You don’t have to be so long on ceremony around here.”

Her smiles seemed really genuine, and I was instantly placed at ease. “I’m sure, that Twilight has mentioned me quite a bit, and I have to tell you, that I am making great progress in getting my memory back... though.”

“Though?”

“Though, I’m a bit worried, that when I do get my memory back, I won’t really care for what I find out about myself.” There, I told her. I had doubts about myself, and now she could pass judgement, or lay down whatever divine smack-down she wanted.

“Have you ever considered the possibility that I could restore your memory?” she asked.

It was one of those moments in history that I doubt I’ll forget. One of those moments, where a decade from now, someone would ask me; where I was when I’d heard the news that I could have my memory back, and what exactly did Twilight Sparkles face look like.

“Honestly, that never crossed my mind.”

“This is great!” Twilight said, barely able to contain her excitement. “This is better than we could have imagined possible.”

I had to admit, that I was beyond surprised, but there was something that was keeping me from just diving right in, and relishing in this sudden turn of fantastic fortune.

“Something is wrong, isn’t it?” Celestia asked me, noticing the look of hesitancy.

“I’m not ready.”

“How can you not be ready, Bjorn?” Twilight came rushing up, she looked defeated, as if it were her own idea I was shooting down out of the sky. “Aren’t you the least bit interested in getting your memory back? We can do this right here and now.”

“I know, and while I appreciate the offer, your Highness, I’m not ready to have it handed to me on silver platter just yet.”

Taking a moment, to consider what I was getting at, Celestia finally nodded her head. “I completely understand what you are saying. Time is the greatest healer of wounds, both in the heart and in the mind. When you are ready, and if of course, if your memory has failed to come back, then you can come to me at any time.”

“Thank you,” I said, exhaling, and nodding. “I’m grateful for the offer.”

Twilight looked as if I had taken her recent science project and smashed it on the floor, and then gotten a “A” for effort at wrecking her work. I did sort of feel sorry for her, but at the moment, this wasn’t about her; it was about me, and there was still one more piece of business that needed addressing.

“Your Highness, there is something else.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow, and nodded. “Of course, if there is anything I can do to make your stay more hospitable, let me know.”

“Well, as you may or may not be aware, I have been staying with a mail-pony named Ditzy Doo, and while she and I have grown quite close over these past few months, I feel as if my status as guest has reached its limit.” I stood as tall as I could for this next part. “I’m not sure how long I will be here, and to be honest, I’m not sure if my leaving is something I may want to consider for a long time; and since I plan on being here, both as a resident of Ponyville, and a member of Ditsy’s household, I feel that I should be able to contribute... like maybe a job.”

For a second or two, Celestia just looked at me, and smiled, as if in thought. "Granted."

It was like a two-for day for shocks and surprises. Once again, both Twilight and myself were standing in excited amazement with out mouths open. "Just like that?"

"Just like that." Celestia, came over and placed a hoof on my shoulder, gazing at me deeply in the eyes. "I feel great good in you Bjorn, and should you come to realize it, you will become an asset to this kingdom, both to the ponies, and especially the one you have great feelings for."

I wanted to suddenly burst into tears, but then a fleeting reminiscence of manliness emerged, and I just thanked her as much as I could.

This was going to be fantastic. Now that I had the blessing from the Princess, I could find work, and finally contribute to Ditzy's house. I wanted to be an active member of her family, and there was only way to do that.

"Thank you again, Princess," I said, giving a brief bow.

"Remember, Bjorn, you are more than you can know, and when the day comes, you will be tried, and tested. But the strength is within you, and you alone."